#2981 Below Deck S12E13: Derby or Not Derby

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Watch what crap is.

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So much what crap is.

Hello and welcome to Watch What Crapins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about.

I'm Ben Andleker, and joining me today is the one and only the wonderful and beautiful and fantastic and special Ronnie Carum.

Hello, Benoons.

How are you doing today?

I am doing just great.

We have so much to get into over the...

course of the next few days in this podcast because today we're doing below deck we've got some makeby dynasty coming up we are going to be on our patreon patreon.com slash watch for crap ends big bonus episode action is going to be happening because we will be doing our

recap take on the Love Island reunion, which was quite

exciting.

And we got long.

It was quite long.

And crackers.

If I have to hear Stand on Business one more fucking time, and guess what?

None of them did Stand on Business.

My God, you bunch of wussy ass.

I can't wait to talk about that today.

Here's what 95% of that reunion was.

It was Huda saying, oh my God, I mean, like, I fucking love, I fucking love her.

I fucking love her.

And I'm proud of what you're doing.

And like, I fucking love you.

And like, I thought about it a lot.

And I was fucking angry.

But like, I fucking love you now, man.

I fucking love you, bro.

And I'm just like, so proud of you, bro.

I'm just so proud of you.

I fucking love you, bro.

Huda,

I have to say what a sicko that woman is.

Like, really.

There were so many moments at the season where you cheer for her, you know, because like she's getting better.

And now she's being, you know, they're being mean to her and stuff.

So I went through so many emotions with Huda through the whole season, season, but this one, oh my God, they're like, she's, they're like, Huda, you know, we deserve an apology.

She's like, okay, I forgive you.

Like, what?

You're, and she's like, but you're the one who is like liking posts with my face on George Floyd's body.

Like, what are you doing?

And she's like, I forgive you.

It's okay.

I love you.

I love you.

I was like, this woman's psycho.

This woman is a psychopath.

I would comment more on Huda, but unfortunately, legal tells me I'm not allowed to.

I'm sorry, Ronnie.

Netflix is like can't comment on that you better do your below deck recap you're both getting sued yeah so we are we haven't recorded that yet but that's going to be an undertaking and we're excited for it also

some fun stuff ronnie and i you know i don't know if anyone in the audience has ever seen beavers but we are two beavers busy beavers if you will because we've been making some rounds ronnie was on two judgy girls last week i was then on uh episodes that they released yesterday and today i was also today today, I believe, airing today, Rachel Lindsay's podcast, The Morally Corrupt Rachel Lindsay.

We love Rachel Lindsay.

We're definitely going to have to have her on to Crappy Hour.

I was able to guess on that.

And then later this week, I will also be on Keep It.

So go support women who support other women.

Okay.

Go listen to those podcasts and give them a listen, give them a subscribe and

join their fan bases, et cetera.

So thanks to everyone who's been having both of us on to their shows.

Yes, good times.

I mean, those judgy girls are classy.

Like they're classy girls.

Like they sent a thank you thing, which we never do when people guest with us, but they sent me a thank you thing with my two judgy girls hat.

Okay.

So I have this now.

Two judgy girls.

I'm going to wear it everywhere I go to find other judgies out in the wild.

The judges, the judges, Tamara judges.

They have their own candy.

Like they took a sour patch and they made their own wrapper that says two judgy girls.

Like it's full on obviously i didn't really realize it i ripped into it i was so excited to get sour patch kids and they just put the sour patch kids in their own packaging i mean that's some classy shit you know what you get when you guest on our show maybe a thank you text

like thank you we're gonna have to up our game now wow okay yeah i want my own min m's

yeah we had a lot of fun on all those shows so go check those out but today is polo deck day

and it was a very exciting episode because it was another episode where uh where good old uh jess

had to deal with the consequences of her actions

yeah i am having to deal with the consequences of my actions

I'll bring up family cancer because there's a cancer person on boat to get out of the wait a minute that's the consequences of my actions

And Fraser, I will not stand for this one more second.

I will tell Celaine every dirty thing I've ever thought of.

Celaine, darling, could you please like clean more?

Thank you.

Like, you tell her.

You tell her, Fraser.

He really laid down the law.

He really lay down the law.

He laid down the Jude law.

It was just like, hello.

Can we have a talk?

Yeah, so below.

Don't do that.

Yeah.

Season 12, episode 13, talk derby to me.

You know, this, they dress like horses and run around like they're in a derby.

And I thought, could you not do that last week when you guys were stuck on the boat with those cheapos?

Oh, by the way, I found out what restaurants that guy, when he's like, sorry we didn't tip you, but we're in hospitality.

Qdoba.

Yeah, and David.

You don't get to brag about being in hospitality when you own some Qdobas, sir.

Okay.

Okay, because I own the hospitality at Qdoba.

And I don't even think they let me have free refills on my Diet Coke over there with the self-serve machine, if I recall correctly.

Do they even allow their servers to get tipped?

I mean, I haven't been to a Q-doba, but like,

and I haven't been to Dave's Hot Chicken in a while, but like, do they have, if you buy it from Dave's Hot Chicken, that there's like a thing where you can say, enter in a tip?

Like, so here he is talking about like hospitality and like, do they actually provide the avenues for people to give gratuity to their employees?

Yeah.

He's like, I know how yacht service could be because I have a Q-doba.

So, okay.

I have a restaurant that Sheena Shay went to once in Wescovina.

Okay.

So I understand hospitality.

Yeah.

But also, yeah, you can probably tip because they want tips now for like literally every single thing.

Like I bought, what did I buy?

I wanted the tailor.

Okay.

The tailor to get my pants clipped or whatever, to get my pants circumcised.

And they

have a tip thing in that.

I'm like, but I'm paying you to do the thing.

You want a tip?

You're the one doing the thing.

It's already 30 bucks a pair.

So tip him.

And then what's the other thing I went to the other day that they were i went to the i mean i went to the doctor i went to the mountains

the mountains

i climbed a mountain and the mountain was like are you going to tip this mountain or even when you order door dash now you tip obviously you tip the door dash person that's normal but now they have a thing that says would you like to give five dollars to the restaurant No, they're already up charging me 30% to order from the restaurant in the first place.

And now the restaurant wants a tip on top of the waiter tip.

Go fuck yourself.

Okay.

This is getting out of control.

And I'm a waiter.

i believe in tips but not for the car you know not for everything like i felt i just did your oil i did your oil change you want a tip no you i paid you to do the oil

yeah keep let me keep my money

especially when the tipping doesn't seem to have any sort of impact in quality of service i'd like to add In what kind of

quality.

I think the idea is that it's to motivate people to provide better service, to be better employees, like better public-facing employees so that way you get a tip but like people don't act like that necessarily and then you still have to tip them you know and i wouldn't i still do tip them you know i feel like they're tricking me into like sounding like a boomer like oh tipping tipping because of course i believe in tipping culture i've made my living off tipping culture but not for every little thing you guys come on stop it now i i tip the things that are classically tip things that you tip like what i don't like i feel like if you get um takeout if you go to to a restaurant get takeout that's that's not supposed to be a tip right right like because you're like i tip them i still take out i still tip them just not like you know maybe not 30 or whatever i wouldn't i mean i i i tip like usually anytime it shows up because i just feel guilty but i feel like i get mad that i think there's things that are not not yeah i tip whenever it comes up too i i complain about it to you but if there's someone if like the street sweeper passes by and he's like are you gonna give me a tip i'm like sure here you go i'm never going to say no because I feel like that's terrible karma.

And like, if that's what we do now, that's what we do.

Yeah, I'm, it's just like some things, you know, it's like a person.

It just feels like it's like the 7-Eleven.

Do you have to tip the 7-Eleven next?

Like, come on, leave me alone.

Just leave me alone.

Let me keep my damn money, you guys.

Everything's so expensive anyway.

By the way, join our Patreon.

Okay, so I know.

I'm about to say, we're talking about like tip jars.

Nice hypocritical opening to the show.

So, anyway, talk Derby to me.

So for those of you who forgot, Kyle stuck his wiener into a lady from Mob Wives and then went around bragging about it and getting shit-faced to the point where he's like shaky and meth looking and still has a red nose two days later.

So that's where we're at with Kyle.

And it's sad.

It's not only sad, it's also like...

not terribly interesting at this point either.

It's just kind of like, he's just drunk and he's annoying.

And so Rainbow has pulled him aside.

And

she's basically like, you're making a lot of self-destructive decisions.

And Ka's, like, here, I know, I know, I am.

And who goes, like, you're going down a path that you don't need to go on.

And as your supervisor, I'm going to do absolutely nothing about it.

Well, I know, but I'm not looking for a lecture.

I understand.

These are the consequences of my actions I've heard.

Oh, wait a minute.

Did someone say consequences?

So Damo's like, his job's at stake the reputation of the captain of the boat is at stake who's gonna tip the captain that's on him grow up you're an adult you're an adult so demo's over it you guys and i like rainbow she's just like listen you're being really self-destructive if you want to hit somebody hit my sisters

yeah

so uh then they like go to party and everything and demo demo and rainbow are being sort of flirtatious i mean like guys it's episode it's like episode 45.

There's not much time left.

You guys got to hook up or whatever.

So he's like, oh, you're grabbing my ass.

She goes, no, no.

Oh, it must be someone else.

She goes, no, I generally don't think it is because, like, I would love to grab your arm.

Sometimes if it's, like, I would actually choose arm over ass.

So it's like, well, like, Rainbow, he's trying to flirt with you.

Can you try to flirt back?

She's like, she does try.

It's not me.

Yeah, she does try.

But Damo is kind of like,

he's like a tray of crispy tuna appetizers that have like been passed around already to the whole party.

And you know how it's like really hard to get those with your fingers.

And so everybody's kind of touched every other piece on the thing with part of their finger because they're just trying to get in there.

And then by the time it gets to you, it's just, you know, there's like fingerprints and like other DNA all over it.

Like no one wants the last crispy tuna.

And I feel like Damo's.

the last crispy tuna, you know, like you should have served yourself earlier because right now you're really slimy and gross.

And I'm really in it just for the rice part anyway.

Get out of here, Demo, you disgusting hooker of a man.

That being said, I've never turned down the Krispy Rice tuna.

I have eaten the last bite of Krispy Tuna so many times.

But of course, I also strategically place myself where the caterers come out.

And so I usually get them when they are fresh as well.

I have been the caterer.

So I walk away and I'm like, no one wanted this last piece of Krispy Tuna.

I eat it.

Like somehow I was the one who always made it back with at least like one or two pieces left on the tray.

Like, whoops.

I'm the one the caterwaiter always gives that weird look to because they know that they can like, like, they can come to me and I'll finish off their tray.

They always come up to me and they give that look.

They go, uh-huh.

They do that nod, like, you want it, huh?

You want it?

They're like peddling drugs.

They get so happy.

They get so happy because they know they've got your number.

And they're like, you're the one.

You're the one I'm going to go to.

Like, one more egg roll.

You want this?

And I'm like, well, I really have to save some space.

And they do that nod again.

Like, like we know you're gonna eat it like well i guess i will have it i guess i can't help it you know you want it and actually you're our biggest help because when we go out there if you go back to the kitchen and you still have stuff on there they're like ronnie could maybe stop or stop talking so much and actually do your job so you look bad if you walk back with stuff left on your tray so it's good to to know the bens the bens and the ron

i mean i make my i don't know how they i don't know how they know like to always come to me i wonder if it's because when they come by with like their Spana copadas, I take like three at a time and I say, hold on, hold on, hold on.

And you start pulling out paper towels from your pocket.

You're like, okay, I got this.

Some Ziplocs.

That's the guy.

Also, you're not very subtle.

I have to say.

I've been with you at trait passing things and you really, you do this thing when you get excited.

I don't know how to explain it, but like you stand up differently and you start moving around a little bit.

I'm like a chicken.

Yeah, you start doing this thing with your head where you're like pretending you're looking around, but you're really not.

It's like pretty obvious.

You're like a buoy in a water and the water just started getting rumbly and you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, there's some appetizers here.

Where's that appetizer?

I get very...

When you get happy, you really do do that.

I get into like survival mode.

I get into survival mode.

I'm like,

if I don't get that appetizer, I may never get an appetizer.

I may never get an hors d'oeuvre.

And like, they're not coming over here.

Why are they not coming over here?

Like, or why are, why, like, they're not doing their job properly.

They need to come over here.

Like, we're part of the party.

Why are we not not being included?

Why are we not part of this party?

Like are we lesser than?

Are we not part?

Are we not important?

Yeah.

So Kyle is, let's see.

So

Kyle's upset because he's being lectured by everybody, but rightfully so, because I don't think Kyle has really even truly sobered up because he's just been wasted.

Now he's wasted again.

And so Anthony and Kyle, and also he's just been mean to Fraser in front of everybody, right?

So now they're at the bar.

He's with Anthony and he's like, I'm out i'm don't fraser doesn't even like me now so he's like oh i love you don't worry you know i never argue with fraser we argue all the time you think i never argue i do it all the time with fraser you you want a uh towel you throw a towel throw a towel bro throw a towel It feels really good.

So I was like, I'm fucking hurt and pissed off.

And now fucking Fraser is pissed off with me.

I'll probably fucking ruin that friendship there.

And I was just kind of taking the piss.

So I feel really disappointed in myself.

Okay, two things.

You can't keep saying you're taking the piss okay it's it's like you cannot do you cannot act like an asshole and be a dick and be stupid and irresponsible and then just be like oh i was just taking the piss no it's over like it's too much and also you can't act like a dick and an asshole and irresponsible and then act like a victim afterwards and say oh wow now frasier's pissed at me i'm like yeah because you're being dumb stop acting like that and people won't be mad at you like i'm not gonna feel sad for you because you got wasted again and you went after someone who was trying to help you like Like, I'm sorry, I'm just not going to feel that.

Yeah.

I won't go as far as to say Fraser was trying to help him, but I agree with you.

Like you, you publicly, like you tried to start shit with him at a dinner for the people.

Yeah, but like I said, help him as in like, like, as in, like be friendly with him.

That's what I really meant.

Like someone

sort of, sort of on his side, at least.

Yeah, you had someone who was listening Fraser loves to go tattletale on people.

So the fact that he made someone else do it for him was, I thought, pretty, pretty

like for Fraser, that's an olive branch, I think.

Yeah.

Fraser's like, I'm sick of being villainized.

So he did, you know, he's just done that whole thing.

So then Hugo pulls aside Fraser and he's like, um, someone in my team is catastrophically spiraling into his own abyss.

I think you can see that.

Okay, you're not really wrong, but

that's your job as a head of department and also stop being a dick to everybody on the boat.

Hugo really lost me this past couple couple of, I mean, he never really had me, but he's been really, he's been really shitty.

And yeah, it's like it's your job.

He kind of had me because he was like a Jehovah's Witness.

Like he grew up as a Jehovah's Witness and he left the church.

And part of me is just so thankful that he's not going to be knocking on my door.

Because listen, as Christians, we had to do that as kids too.

Like my dad made us do that.

And it was horrifying.

And then whenever somebody did it to me, I was like, this is how people feel when we do it.

And I have to leave.

I have to leave the church.

So like, I kind of got him in in that.

And I was also so thankful that no one was loitering at my house.

So he kind of had me in that way.

But then

he lost me.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, hand the man some pamphlets because like I'm sick of listening to him.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm done with Hugo as well.

So he goes he's trying to get Fraser to basically fix this.

And Fraser is like, he's like, well, you know, he's not himself because he's been told by Captain that he can't assimilate with guests.

But I know him.

He's got an amazing heart.

And tonight, he was an idiot.

Also, not only does he have an amazing heart, he also has very black lungs.

I'm very concerned about him.

But I also know that there are reasons for that.

So there's an amazing heart.

His kidneys are on crutches, but

the liver looks a bit like Swiss cheese.

Probably smells like that, too.

He actually should take some piss and put it in his own body because his own is coming out as refined oil.

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So then Hugo and Fraser go to Kyle, who's sitting on the sofa, and Kyle's like, I'm sorry, by the way.

I'm fucking sorry, man.

The idea of hurting you, the idea of being incorrect in how I'm saying things.

And now Fraser's being conciliatory.

He's like, it happens.

He's like, oh, I know, I know it does, but that's tearing me to pieces.

I'm like,

sorry, bro.

You just did this five seconds ago.

Like, I don't know.

I just don't have any patience for this.

Like, you're too old to do this, or at least your face is.

Yeah, I,

yeah, the drunken crying is not my favorite with anything.

But you, like, also, like, I don't know, but like, you also, like, attacked your friend in front of everyone.

And now he has to come and he has to console you because you feel bad about how you acted.

I'm sorry.

Like if you feel like

he's really hurting that up.

Yeah, he really is.

And like he's sitting here acting.

He's like, I can't talk about this anymore, Netflix.

But like you're sitting here talking about how you feel bad about Fraser, but you don't actually get up and do anything and go over to him and apologize.

He has to come over to you.

I'm sorry.

Like this guy's a dip shit.

It's official.

Yeah.

Fraser's like, you're a beautiful, beautiful human being.

I love you, man.

I love you, man.

So then it's time to go back to the yacht.

Jess and Barbara are making out more, which also I'm kind of sick of.

Like, great, you're happy.

Okay.

Go be happy behind closed doors.

You know, everyone's always telling gay people, do what you want in your own bedroom, but I don't want to hear about it.

Well, you know, I feel that.

Well, I guess they are gay, so I shouldn't say that.

But I feel that way with people who are in like love, you know like i'm so glad you guys are in love save it for facebook you know what i mean save it for your yearly oh my god i married my best friend save it for that post because like i'm literally sick of it i'm busy i'm just i'm just sick of honestly below deck like ogling at all these people making out like we get it they're making out i just it's just too much just too much like i want to

eat

it's just like we're we're supposed to care about this Like, look at this crew.

They're so messy.

They're all making out with each other.

And I'm like, that's fine.

I'll take some of that.

But like, do we have to center it on this show?

Let's center the Windex.

Let's center the bad work ethic.

Let's center like the rags and like the wiping down the toilets.

Like, that's what I'm here for.

Yeah, me too.

I'm not here to watch maids make out, especially like right next to me.

I mean, we can say a lot about Kyle, but at least he's fucking someone in the bathroom.

Like, that's a person with manners.

You're right.

You're right.

You're right.

You're right.

So then Rainbow starts making out with Damo, which I don't know why anybody would make out with Damo because that guy's nasty.

And she does.

And she's like, if you want to know how Damo kisses, make out with a fish because, you know, it's like really wet.

Oh, yeah, make out with a fish.

Yeah.

And then Kai's a little bit.

She likes it, I think.

Does she like it?

You you know, she's horny.

She's horny.

It's, it's, she's had a tough season and she's all horned up.

And then speaking of horny, Kyle and Celene.

So now, even though they've been both shitty to each other, they also have isolated everyone around them.

So they just have each other to sleep with now.

So that's what they're going to do.

Kyle's like, can we just fuck?

She goes, shut up.

And, um, but they are going to go ultimately and have sex.

Yeah.

So Hugo is like, is it it a problem with Jess and Barbara?

And Selene goes, oh, well, you know, you fucked up with me.

You messed up with me, you know.

And Fraser says, well, when you left Stilley to go with Jess without telling him and like trying to figure out Selene's love rhombus or whatever we're calling it.

And Kyle's like, uh.

Basically, they're calling her out for jumping from person to person and hurting everybody's feelings and then going back to the original one, which is Kyle.

And

also she's acting mad at like Jess.

She's like, oh my God, like, I can't, I'm so mad at Jess because like, oh, so you just like, you mess with me and then you just like leave me and you just go to Barbara, Barbara.

And he's like, but yes, but you did that with Silly for Jess.

She's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's not about you, Kyle.

No, it's not that.

So they basically bust her.

Busted.

So then they get back to the yacht and Jess asks Rainbow if

she can have Barbara over in the cabin.

And then Rainbow goes goes to sleep in the crew mess and then kyle and slain go go to sleep in the guest cabin and it's another night of the crew that comes to an end

yes announced 32 hours until charter the next morning

And Jess is like, what did you do last night that I don't know of Rainbio?

And she's like, oh my God, I made out with Damo in the back of an Uber.

It was amazing.

I've already sent my sister a closed fist in the mail and said, stay the fuck away from my man, bitch, or you're getting a piece of this.

Okay.

You know, the last thing I wanted was like for Damo to show up and be like, come into bed with me.

And I'd be like, no, because your bed is a gross place.

And like, I don't want to be there.

Oh, my God.

I love being in a showmance.

So then

Kyle calls his mom because it's like, he always has to call his mom or his grandma for them to say, don't worry, you're still a good little boy.

So she's like, but I love you.

They all know his, they all have his name immediately off the bat.

Ah, see, I got drunk and acted like a goddamn fucking idiot again, eh, Kyle?

I've not really done anything.

I just drank.

They're all fucking winding me up about drinking.

And I did have a lot to drink last night, so that did happen.

Ah, let me get it.

So you're drinking too much, saying stuff that you shouldn't be saying.

Did you fuck another goat in the stables again?

That was a girl in the bathroom.

Ah, Kyle.

Well, at least you're growing.

You're growing.

At least the goat was safe this time.

Michelle Cutty is still very upset with you.

Mama can't take it from you, too.

So then we see him, his arms crossed in his interview again, and he's like, sort of like doing the thing where he's scratching his nose, the side of his nose with his thumb and looking down at like the floor.

And he's like, well, as much as my night isn't great, I'm definitely not happy with how I've been in recently.

And I really thought I was better than this, but I'm not.

So I really do need to change.

And I'll change by changing brands of scotch.

That's what I'll do.

I think with a different brand, I'll behave better.

That's it.

So DMO sees Rainbow, and he's like, Where'd you sleep last night?

Please stop doing the fish thing.

You know, more fish face.

I knew I should have gone on an Easter egg hunt and looked for my little rainbow.

So then,

dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun.

Big news.

The wing station controller will be delivered shortly to fill out

the parts here.

Captain Captain Marina.

Captain Captain Marina.

Hi, this is the marina attendant.

Your wing controller's on the way, Stun.

Adventure.

All right, the part's here.

If it works, oh, well, this guy here's going to be a happy little Vegemite.

All right.

Doesn't really make sense, because Vegemite is just like a spread you put on toasts, so it's weird to assign any sort of emotional state to that Vegemite.

But I did it because I'm on a verbal adventure, but I haven't seen it yet.

The part could be wrong, it might be programmed prop, it might not be programmed properly.

It might be a shark.

Who knows what it is?

But if that happens, we've got much bigger problems ahead of us.

We can't run a charter season from the dock, especially if we've installed a shark onto our yacht.

Shark.

So now it's a deck wash-up time.

And he goes, like, wow, my guy, Damo, I had front seats to your makeout session in the car.

Wow.

Wow.

Great times.

And Damo's like, did it look as bad as I remember it feeling?

I just don't really think anyone's a bad kisser.

I just think that sometimes two people don't have the same styles.

You know what I mean?

I like to really get my lips wet and then I like to chill them a bit, like the rim of a martini glass, you know, and just like kind of ice them up.

I like a cold, then i point my tongue kind of like a a stick and i i like to wetly poke the other person's face you know not everyone's really into that

he goes like yeah

and he's like but the good part is my brazilian girlfriend taught me how to kiss so i've always taken that with me

and uh like i don't remember if they gave him a

but i feel like they did since Rainbow said he kissed like a fish.

Yeah.

And it seems like he knows it because he actually, I was just kind of kidding about his lines that he said, but now that I look at it, there's someone in the world that likes the pointy, tonguey, wind-milly swish-wish, swish-wash.

Like it's fucking horrible.

And somebody's got to like the fish as well.

So he knows he kisses like that?

I guess so.

But then they start talking about.

Well, I'm sorry, but he blames it on his Brazilian.

He says he has a Brazilian girlfriend that taught him to kiss like that.

But I've kissed plenty of Brazilian people and they do not kiss like they're actually very good kissers.

I mean,

in my experience, have I just experienced it wrong?

Did I miss the chilled tongue poking me in the face?

Maybe you like a fish kiss.

I don't know.

I don't think, I don't think that demo realizes that he's the fish.

I think he's just saying that.

Oh, you think he's saying that she's

that way?

Yeah.

I think he's actually bragging.

He's like, I was taught by a Brazilian how to kiss.

So that's like, like, I know.

I think he's sort of saying, like, yeah, I've always taken that with me because I learned from a Brazilian, you know?

Oh, so some people kiss like fish and some people don't.

But he's saying that she's the one that kisses like a fish.

I think that's the implication because I think he definitely got like some sort of

on that one.

Well, they definitely, you could tell it was a bad kiss as they were kissing because it was uncomfortable to watch.

You know, it really was like, ooh, that looks like a cold kiss.

Like literally cold.

It was, yeah, it didn't look good.

So then they talk about Stilly and so-so sleeping and that's fun.

And then it's the morning and then like later on, it's like 10:30 a.m.

and it's like the guests will be arriving in two hours.

And Celaine is just eating cereal and Rainbow is now just, she's given up trying to be like a productive co-worker.

She's not just like a tattletailer.

So she's like,

she goes up to Fraser and she's like, hey,

Fraser, did you tell Celaine she could have her breakfast break early?

He's like, no, she's having breakfast.

Yeah.

She's sitting in the crew mask eating a bowl of cereal.

I think it was special.

Okay, it could have been cornflakes.

I don't know.

I will do more reporting later.

Did you say she could eat cornflakes?

Because is there a cornflakes exception?

She's eating cornflakes.

I'm actually pretty sure it's cornflakes.

And she's chatting with Barbara too, who's folding clothes.

Yeah, all sorts of clothes.

Big clothes, little clothes.

I can paint the whole picture for you, Fraser.

He's like, okay.

Thank you.

It's another day in paradise.

I will absolutely go reprimand her right now.

Watch, everyone.

Watch and learn.

You're about to get Fraser.

Selene

went we're not doing breakfast break.

Oh, wow, that was rough.

Rough on her.

Do you need a tissue?

Wipe away the tears from that villain washing you just received from me.

And Rainbow's like, fuck, fuck Solane, bro.

The worst type of person.

The worst type of person.

Fiber in the morning, stupid bitch.

Watching Rainbow just incrementally get more angry is so hilarious.

Cause, like, really, for Selene, Celine, I don't think anybody's going to give Celine like worker of the year, but like, we've seen Celine improve, like, she's learned how to do things.

So, that it's the worst that she's eatingable.

Not saying that her eating the cereal is right or anything.

It's just funny watching Rainbow get so mad.

She's just pushed to the point now where she's just like, I saw that girl put something on a hanger, put it on the thing when she was supposed to be holding an eye.

Fraser, just get rid of that bitch before I beat her.

She hates, she hates her so much.

Like, just so much.

So

I personally love Rainbow being at this point, just being just totally infuriated.

Me too.

So this is the Rainbow I need.

Yeah, like I don't normally love someone who's just so tattly, but I also

feel like she's earned it.

She's earned the tattles.

She's had to deal with Selene for so long.

So now the crew, the the nameless crew workers are putting on this, they're working on this control station.

Let's see if this power works.

And um, then Jess is talking to Selane

because um, Selene, Selane wants to talk with Jess to clear the air finally.

So, Selaine's like, So, I think it is time to talk.

Like, we had, we had like something, and like, now you're like, okay, Just, and like, you like, you take a Barbara on a date, and like, at the same night, you sleep with her in the bed, you see with Babara in the bed, and it was not good, it was not fair for me and for Babara.

Like, well, maybe

She goes, well, I didn't want to make it a big thing.

And for me to avoid it, I think it was just easier to avoid it.

So I didn't avoid you intentionally.

I avoided you on purpose.

Does that make any sense?

So yeah, so you're like a coward?

You're a coward, huh?

She doesn't owe you a deep relationship talk, Celine.

I'm sorry.

You've set up a whole thing where you're going to make out with everybody and have no strings with anybody.

And if anybody gets upset with you, you say, Well, but this is love.

This is how I do.

So this is just me.

And then the second it happens to you, you act like Christ on a cross.

Okay.

Sorry.

Nobody's going to feel for you, Love Island.

Sorry.

No one.

No one.

Especially when you were just going to use that girl and throw her away anyway.

I mean, give me a break.

You had one conversation with your brother where you're like, oh my God, I'm never into girl, but this is girl.

So maybe I do girl.

Like, you're doing your like whole, like, oh, I'm experimenting with a girl for five seconds before I dump her and go fuck Stilly again.

Like, shut up, Celaine.

And I really like Selene, but I ain't gonna feel for you either.

This whole crew is full of people that I actually like.

I kind of like everybody on the show, but I'm not going to feel sorry for them because our actions are all so stupid.

Like,

it's the team that wants to sit there and cry about their consequences.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Yeah,

I'm over it, really.

So meanwhile, Carrie is trying out the new machinery.

And all right, all right, port a stand, porter stand, port a stand, port a stand, starboard, starboard, port, porter stand, port board, starboard, star stand, starboard, star, bow, bow, bow, of sort, so a C, a C.

Okay.

And

then chat works.

It works.

All right.

Good job, everyone.

Position, position,

I was was asked two feet away.

We're going to die.

We're going to die.

We're right there.

We're always going to die.

Everybody.

We did it.

We did it.

Also, my son half parallel parked.

He half parallel parked.

He'll get there.

I believe in him.

Hold on.

Let me get to my wife.

Wife, wife, Carrie.

Wife, wife, Carrie.

Hi.

Hi, honey.

You doing all right?

I really don't care.

I don't have time.

I just got the boat out of the dock.

Please have our son put the keys in the bowl.

Remind him to put the keys in the bowl.

All right, I'll see you in six months.

All right, chop, chop, everyone.

Time for one of these deranged preference meetings where we split up half the crew into different rooms and talk about it.

So, charter seven.

Our primary guest is called Emily.

She's a renowned dentist in San Francisco.

You may be familiar with her dental practice called If You're Going to San Francisco, get your teeth cleaned with some flowers in your hair.

So, she'll be joined with.

It's a very long dental practice, practice, but apparently it does very well for her.

She's great with teeth.

She's terrible with brevity and titles.

She comes up with very terrible puns on the fly that she decides to make her company brand.

I don't know why she doesn't give it

into very long puns.

Extremely long puns.

Not really puns, just sort of she inserts teeth into an established song theory.

All right, she'll be joined by Eric, her husband, a semi-retired tech guru, whatever that means.

All right, now, the theme of the night one should be like Kentucky Derby.

Because dentists and semi-retired tech gurus love fake horse races that mean nothing.

Now, one thing you should know, because they had a choice between going to the Kentucky Derby or going to a yacht.

So they decided they'd go to the yacht and recreate the Kentucky Derby.

So here we are, having a stupid theme for stupid people.

There Carrie's like...

Actually, I like the Kentucky Derby theme.

I just want to say, Ben Commentary on the side, I do enjoy a Kentucky Derby theme.

It's like

better than some of the other bullshit they pull up.

Anyway, so Carrie's like, well, we leave here at one o'clock and go straight to the sculpture park.

And the next morning, we're actually going to anchor in St.

Bots at Medmoor.

Okay, it's going to be very stressful for me.

More than the bridge.

Can you believe it?

More than the bridge.

Yes, because it's Medmoor.

And it's where you put two anchors down and you have to back into the dock and you put the lines across.

That's just Medmore living.

Medmore, Medmore action, Medmore action.

Listen, we put one anchor down.

Anyone on this boat could die.

We put two anchors down.

The entire world could end.

Do you understand?

If I don't get people calling, we could all be dead.

All of us dead.

All right, it's fine for now.

It's fine for now.

It's like the old song goes, Med more money, med more problems.

So.

But we don't have any ground lines or anything.

It's just Inkus for us.

Is that how we're going to...

It's just anchors.

We could all die.

That would be the consequences of our actions.

Right.

Right.

You are held at all season to

not go to Medmore and St.

Mart's.

There's many obstacles to getting there.

We cannot balls this up, all right?

A lot of obstacles.

For instance, you have to go through an actual labyrinth.

The yacht must go through a labyrinth.

You must.

Or you'll be plagued by visions of David Bowie as you sail your yacht down the labyrinth.

We're going to see a kind of creepy, overly skinny man in a Rod Stewart wig with a crystal ball.

All right?

There will be a bog of Eternal Stench, and we're going to try to avoid that.

Guests do not like Eternal Stench.

At one point, we'll all have some sort of fantasy moment where we'll pretend we're at some masquerade ball with that strange Rod Stewart man.

And then we'll wake up with a small creature that's carrying lots of things on its back.

One thing we don't want, bowling it up.

One thing we do want, Vegemiding it up.

All right?

We're all on the same page.

Right.

Commercials.

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All right.

And then the next morning, the guests get off, hopefully, literally.

And then

they come, the guests arrive.

All right.

So one more thing that's important to know.

Emily, she just finished chemo treatment, everybody.

And they're like, oh, God.

And then Fraser in his meeting is like, and she's about to receive a mastectomy upon her return.

So this trip is all about her.

Do we all understand?

Party, mastectomy party.

Are we all there?

All right.

So now Jess tells a story about how her, she was really close to her grandparents and she lost them both to cancer and that this was, it was really rough on her.

And this is dredging up a lot of emotions for her.

Yeah, cancer is a real dick.

My God.

In a show where we like to make lots of jokes, I think everybody has been touched by cancer in some way and don't love it.

I don't think anybody's got a great experience there, you know?

No.

Fuck you, Cancer.

Just if we haven't said it enough recently.

Fuck off.

So 13.5 hours until Charter.

Selene and Kyle making out in the laundry.

I know it's not going anywhere with me and Selene.

It's past the point of emotion now.

It just needs to be...

It just needs that must be met.

Like, was it, did it, was it ever in a real place of emotion?

I mean, I know you got sullen there for a moment, but, like, this was never a real relationship.

Let's be honest.

Okay.

It's also sad how happy Kyle is just being the only choice left.

You know, it's like, well,

she's gotten desperate enough to come back to me.

I'll take it.

I'll take it.

Damo may have been the final piece of

crispy tuna hors d'oeuvre that was passed around, but Kyle is the tray.

Kyle's just the oily tray.

He's just the sad tray, and maybe some doilies.

So Selene says, we live for what?

What do we live for?

Pleasure.

We live pleasure.

This is why we live pleasure.

You're going to die unhappy.

I'm telling you that right now.

So now everyone goes to bed.

Now it's the next morning.

And Carrie does his inspections, makes sure everything looks good.

And then

the guests arrive.

It's 12.04 p.m.

In Casey thought they arrived at noon.

I had to break it to everyone.

They arrived four minutes late for their charter.

Oh, my goodness.

That's four minutes.

They'll never get back on the high seas.

I'm sorry.

I'm semi-retired.

Only one for me.

I played semi-golf this morning.

Okay.

You know what?

Sorry.

We just had a very biting discussion before.

I'm a dentist.

Sorry.

You're just going to hear a lot of these puns all weekend long.

Okay, everyone, get ready.

Take all the lines off.

Take all the lines off.

Copy that.

All lines are off.

Bridge, bridge.

Your stern is well clear of the dolphin.

Clear of the dolphin.

All right.

Out of the slip.

Out of the slip.

Out of the slip.

This is to come to head.

40 meters.

40 meters.

All right.

Oh, we're almost clearing the bridge.

Almost cleared the bridge.

Oh, we got the steering is now clear of the bridge.

And

smoking a a cigarette there.

That was the hottest yacht removal I've done in a long time.

Nailed it.

Yeah, everything's fine.

So the guests are hanging out.

Emily,

who is the cancer survivor, she is talking about how she just had to finish six months of chemo, and they're just like complimenting her and saying, you know, and she's saying, yeah, it was really scary.

And her friend is saying, you know, it's blessings that you get to survive this.

And, you know, you're feeling your pain and you're entitled to feel your own pain, even though it isn't a a death sentence etc so they i don't know why this might be

first of all first of all the guest uh the main lady is so sweet she talks a little bit as the charter goes on she reminds me of the drunk lady that got kicked off like she's more well-behaved but she has kind of the same look and the same kind of vocal pattern as that lady so she's like yeah i was really tough that was really scary and her friend's like let me tell you this you are a survivor you are entitled to your pain and I want you to feel your pain.

Do you understand me?

Because that is your right.

And then their friend goes, do you snorkel?

Like, is this other guest just always going on in platitudes where she's like, you listen to me.

This morning is the best morning you're ever going to see.

You get up and you tell the sun, I fucking love you, son, and I'm grateful to see you.

You guys think we can get some breakfast around here?

I'm really into bagels.

I was trying gluten-free for a while, but really didn't work out for me.

God, they just don't make it taste like real bread.

Can I just, Eliza, can I just please?

I'm trying to do a pep talk for the cameras.

Okay.

First of all, it's scared of fish.

Okay.

I want nothing to do with them.

Right.

Where were we?

I just left.

Dia snorkel.

Okay.

So then Carrie's like, all right, all right.

Watch a chain.

Watch a chain.

Let me know how it's doing.

Do you understand me, girl on the boat?

All right.

Now, what are you seeing up there?

Can I get an update?

i need a chain up where's my chain update where's my goddamn chain update just is like

uh oh yes the chain looks good cap the chain looks good and so do the consequences of my actions all right well once you've locked down the chain come see me in the wheelhouse please so she comes up and he's like all right On the anchor, you give me information when it's going out, but when it's out, you're waiting way too long between telling me anything.

All right, where's the dolphin i need to know about the dolphin dolphin updates what does it look like i'm doing up here twiddling my goddamn vegetamite

i thought it was marmite and that's my bad i should have looked at the label these are the consequences of my actions all right all right just go just be catch get your head in the game okay and remember once you lock down that chain just come in oh i already told you to come in the wheelhouse you're in the wheelhouse oh that's funny anyway just you know keep your head in the game all right like i was when i just recited what I was talking about.

Keep your head in the game.

Copy.

Sorry about that.

So

she's upset.

Like she's visually upset.

And so Damon notices her and she's like, hey, Damon, I'm going to get the fins along.

And he doesn't hear her.

And she's like, okay, fuck it, whatever.

He's like, what the hell?

You all right there.

She storms off.

Yeah, she's upset.

Upstairs or somewhere else, Hugo, well, Hugo finds Jess.

He's like, hey, are you all right?

Because if you're not doing well, I'm going to pass you off to Fraser.

She's like, yes, I'm fine.

Oh, thank God.

I was afraid I'd have to have a tough conversation.

Okay, let's have a chat.

Okay, if you're upset about something, you don't have to talk about it.

That's fine.

In fact, I'm going to encourage you to not talk about it.

In fact, if you're really upset, how about we just go our separate ways?

Okay, thank you.

She's like, well, Captain spoke to me about the anchor drop and stuff and just some shit.

And it was just, it was just frustrating for me.

I understand that.

I'm in my own head it's just been a long fucking season oh

it's like to be honest i'm concerned about justice performance i get that something's distracting her and it doesn't help that she's having all these relationships going on and it's starting to bleed into work and i'm just worried i'm worried about where this is gonna go penises vaginas things are just flying in the air what is a hugo to do

I you know, they are, they're trying to set up this thing.

This may be kind of a callous take and maybe it's, I don't know, maybe it's not a, I don't know, whatever, but I'm going to say it anyway, because it was my thought when I watched it.

There's, they're, they're trying to set it up like, like, Jess is almost having this like noble, deep thing where like someone with cancer is on board and it's triggering her and reminding her of her grandparents, which may all be very true.

And like, I would never take that away, like the trauma of something like that.

But honestly, I actually really think what it comes down to is that Selene sat her down.

I was like, you've been shit.

You were shitty to me and you made me feel bad.

And I think that Jess is like, I think that's really what's motivating this.

And I feel like the show is trying to make it seem like it's actually something like deeper and more noble and sadder and more linked to trauma.

And I think that's probably there.

But like.

I think ultimately Jess is just like, oh, I made someone mad.

And like, she doesn't, I think she likes to just do her thing.

I think she's just like consequential

action.

I think that's what it is.

I think it is too.

I mean, that, that is my feeling.

I made it.

I made it kind of a comment in the beginning of the recap, like making using that as an excuse.

And that is kind of callous because I've been feeling, I'm glad you said it because I was sitting here feeling like guilty for saying that in the beginning, which is rare for me.

I usually don't feel guilty.

But

yeah, I mean, I think that going through that with your family is upsetting.

I've been through it with my own grandmother and my.

my aunt and stuff, you know, so I get it.

But

also, yeah, she just got told off for being an asshole to somebody and hurting their feelings.

And then that was followed up by having the captain upset with her.

And so it's a couple of things.

And I think sometimes it's easier to be like, well, I'm crying for this other reason.

I'm not really crying because, you know, I'm fucking up at work and I'm hurting everyone's feelings.

I'm crying, you know, I'm going to use this other thing.

And it's not like she can't be sad over the grandma, but it's also like, you know, I don't know.

It's kind of like, just take responsibility for what you did and apologize and move forward, you know?

Yeah, I just had that like nagging feeling.

Like, I know like you're sad and like this does remind you of your grandparents, but I feel like the real reason why your head is like in the clouds is because you're probably distracted because you're like, wow, Celaine hates me and I'm a fuck up.

And now I just fucked up this anchor thing.

And then she just spiraled from there, especially because she probably thought that like when she finally started like truly now getting with Barbara, she felt like, I'm doing the right thing.

I'm doing the mature thing and da-da-da.

And I fixed it all.

And Celaine's like, no, you actually still hurt me.

And you did not fix it all.

So that's my thing.

And I felt like that was my, my, my

reaction to her emotional state on TV.

Yeah, me too.

So then Anthony announces launch.

We have fish tacos and chicken tacos.

And they're like, oh my God, delicious.

So now Demo and Jasper talking.

And she's like, listen, before I turn this coffee machine on, I'm sorry about earlier.

It had nothing to do with you.

It's just that the captain called me to the bridge and he was talking about how I shouldn't be making out with people that I'm not with and sleeping with Barbara with him in the room.

I'm waiting, I'm sorry, wait.

I'm mixing up my consequences.

He kept on saying something that vegetables might do, and I was like, what might they do?

And he said, well, veggie might.

And I said, what?

Veggie might, what?

And he just kept on saying, Veggie might.

I was like, finish your sentence.

He's like, I did finish the sentence.

I was like, is this some strange punishment for the consequences of my actions?

What might the veggie do?

And then I'm just bothered, and it's, oh, it's just one of those days.

So now Fraser is cleaning up lunch.

Please

take it personal.

Continue, please.

Oh, Fraser's cleaning and while the guests go out for snorkeling.

And he's like, Selene, you need to do all the dayheads.

Make sure the bar is perfect.

The upper pantry is perfect, ready for service later.

The bins need to be changed.

So change those.

I'm going on my break.

Goodbye.

Perfect.

Thank you, honey.

She's like, good break.

Always me for toilet.

Always me.

I guess it is me.

It is dayhead, night, head, in between, head, nap, head.

All head me.

All head me, I suppose.

I'm not the children.

So then immediately Rainbow goes and takes a smoking break with Kyle, and they're like in the corner by smoking right by the master bedroom.

And I'm like, is that like the smartest place to do that?

And then, of course, Rainbow sees them and he's like, oh, you're in trouble now.

And she's like, oh, I'm in big trouble.

I am dead.

So then Rainbow's like, um, Fraser, Fraser, Rainbow, I would like to talk to you for a second.

So she goes like off to his room and she's like,

can I just like ask you something really quickly?

I'm just double checking.

Did you give Soso a cigarette?

Just going to check, just like out of the blue, just wondering.

No.

Oh, because she's on one right now.

Isn't that funny?

Where is she?

Where?

Where is she doing this?

Next to the master.

If you want to go talk to her, I guess you could do that.

I don't know.

Like, yeah, she definitely has swing a cigarette over there.

Oh, now Flaser is going to come.

Maybe it's on Blake.

Maybe he's going to come.

What,

This is what he's going to do.

And he's like, do your work.

When you have your break, you can smoke.

Okay.

Do do your work first at least.

She goes, but I was just like, leave there.

He goes, just do your work.

But I want to cigarette and I know because rainbow is doing everything, you know?

I mean, you've got dayheads.

Do the day heads.

Dayhead bar pantry.

He's like, and the quick fact.

Okay.

You've got a whole hour of break time.

Okay.

She's like, okay, okay.

well if i see rainbow do something i want to face her oh she's a big bitch bigger than a thought

that's why you should at least try to be nice to your superiors okay

so now it's first day of charter 4 15 p.m people are sculpturing they're under a sculpture park and uh kyle's telling hugo about the smoke break and uh getting in trouble her getting in trouble and um

rainbow being a tattletale basically So then Jess radios to St.

David that they're coming back, and Rainbow and Selene have drinks and towels and all that good stuff.

Guys, guys, we've got a rule to say both.

All right, we've got to get this tender in double time.

That's right.

Time step, time step, double time, triple time, triple time step.

We're in 40 seconds straight.

We're in the money.

We're in the money.

Oh my God, I'm going so fast.

I'm going to lose my knees.

We're in the money.

Shuffle off the bubble.

Shuffle off the bubble.

Wings, wings.

God, I'm exhausted.

Cheese and crackers.

So then the guests come back on board, and then Angela and Emily want to do a Titanic moment.

But then Emily's hat flies away, and Emily's like, well, it's a sign of our trip because I'm losing my tits.

Five days after this trip, they're gone.

But anyway, let's go.

Let's do this.

Okay, I'm the king of the titties.

Wow, that was that was a mouthful saying that line.

Dentist joke.

Sorry.

Just can't help myself sometimes.

So now we're getting set up for the derby theme.

All right, prep the anchor, prep the anchor.

Are we prepping two?

Are we prepping one?

Are we gonna cross the anchors?

Are we gonna suck to solely this bitch?

All right, everybody.

I'm just getting myself warmed up over here.

Yeah.

More, but more boss.

More boss.

Copy, copy, prepping the anchor now.

Nothing could possibly go wrong.

My head is in the game.

What the fuck's going on here?

Red on deck red on deck sorry the anchor dropped i'm pulling it up now oh dear i can't believe the anchor dropped it is the consequences of my actions my actions were thinking about other things for consequences sake god damn consequences

oh fuck's sake just just breathe do as that one country singer did and say just breathe all right what's the anchor doing just hanging there like a bowl like a nut in a sack that's bouldered up are we bowling this up right now?

I am pulling it up.

The anchor is clear of the water.

Clear.

Prepping the anchor.

Oh, my head's not here, bro.

My head is not here.

Don't stress, bro.

Don't stress.

If you can't get the anchor proper, it's Fraser's fault.

She's like, but my head's not here, bro.

All right, three shackles in the water, please.

Three.

Where's the three?

Where's my call for three?

65 shackles in the water.

Oh no, I messed up again.

Pulling it up, Pulling it up.

Okay, we're back to four shackles.

Four shackles in the water.

All right, that's it.

I'm doing something I don't normally have to do.

I'm going down there and I'm going to talk to this little lady in person.

Hello, little lady.

Have you noticed that I'm covered in ball sack right now?

Have you?

Look at my face.

There's a nutsack and two balls punching me in the forehead.

All right, because you balled it up.

You balled it up.

Yes, well, so what happened earlier was the brake wasn't on tight enough.

So she just dropped.

dropped as soon as I got rid of the winch.

It's very clear what happened.

Oh, well, that's a mistake we can't make again.

I mean, wow, how are you gonna, how are you gonna more baths today?

Oh, no.

More consequences, more actions.

It never ends.

Oh, God.

So he's pissed, but he can see that she's upset.

So he's like, uh, all right, now while everybody's dressing like inflatable horses, I'd like to have a very serious conversation.

Shall I call you by your stage name, Randy's Donut Underwear?

All right.

Now,

you all right.

You all right, kid.

I'm here to make you feel better.

Hold on, let me cock one eye and remind you that you've balled it up.

All right, imagine that you're talking to a big nutsack that's been thrown up against a window.

All right.

Go ahead.

I just think the whole guest at the chemo thing, I just, it's hot.

It's hitting home a little bit.

I don't think my head's been there.

It's clearly showing, like, I don't know, like, especially on deck, you can see it.

Oh,

come here, come here, come here.

Let me hook you.

All right, God, you're bony.

Jeez, what do you do?

Pull-ups?

Those are some muscles on you.

God, it feels like I'm holding dragon wings.

You're extremely strong.

Extremely strong.

All right, now go take some time for yourself for it.

Go to your room.

If you need me, I'm always here.

I'd prefer you didn't talk to me, but if you need to, I'm here.

All right.

And here, to make you you smile here's some vegemite might what why do you torture me this way

god damn how has vegemite not caught on everywhere that's my question let me tell you who the real failure is here today jess besides you i mean you i'll feel for you for a second but you're you're a failure but you know the biggest failure here vegemite i mean really can we get spread further Jeez.

I don't know what's going on with Jess completely.

All I do know is that whatever it is, it's kind of boring.

But there's something going on internally, and it's a very important part of my job, not just the crew's physical safety, but their health and their mental health too.

And I just want them to know that I'm there for them, especially if they want to talk about it in Turkish.

Still taking the lessons, everyone.

Yeah, he is very much like, oh, I'm a father.

And that's what I am on this boat.

A father.

What's wrong with you?

You said, go to bed.

Go to bed.

All right, turn your kill.

Turn the lights off and sit with yourself and think about what you've done to this boat and how you almost killed us all.

So Jess talks again about the cancer and how it really affected her and like how actually her, when she was younger, her grandparents managed a yacht club and they grew up on boats because of grandparents.

And really it was because of her grandfather that she got into yachting.

And so this is why she's really upset.

So she's crying and Barbara checks in in on her and she's like, I am fine now.

So the guests get ready and they are dancing around in inflatable horses.

And,

you know, it's because Kentucky Derby and all that fun stuff.

It's disturbing.

Just I just want to make you make sure you're all right and to tell you one thing that I've learned.

And that is Disradia aguamic.

Right.

What does that mean?

Cry outside.

All right.

Don't want to see your face anymore.

It's very smudgy.

Please go do something.

I would like to add to the episode, please.

I'd like to just tell America that my dad passed with a heart attack.

So it was like something brutal.

So, you know, he didn't suffer because it happened like that fast.

And like with cancer, it's a hard fight.

It's a battle.

And I definitely want to make everything special for Emily.

And every meal I'm making for her, I want her to remember it's a celebration of life.

And afterwards, I'm going to invite her down to Galley to hold tea towel and to water to refrigerator.

And to really show you how meaningful this is all to me, I want to do it in where you can see my Instagram.

Here I am in a speedo,

peating a giraffe who's eating flata, which is rolled taco.

And now to celebrate all of this, here is a steak with black cherry sauce.

It's another joke.

So

Fraser is helping with service, and he announces the cherry sauce on the steak, which sounds weird, but you know, you go.

And then Hugo is figuring out his entertainment, which is the horse race.

And they don't know the race yet.

They did like a pre-race.

They did like pre-silly race, the horse stuff, but this is, they have a big race coming up.

And I'm like, it's really funny watching them all dress like inflatable horse.

I mean, it's just so ridiculous.

And then it turns into this big dramatic scene.

He's like, okay.

What if it's, what is it the three of us,

how about the three of us race?

Okay.

You and Jess.

And Raymond goes, um you guys can have saline and he goes wow you really hate her huh she's like um no i don't hate her at all why would you say that he goes yeah right bullshit you're a terrible liar and she's like um zero percent of me has any hate in my body for any stupid bitch that won't do her work i'm a love literally just rainbow literally just was on tv saying she is the worst kind of person she is the worst she is the worst person you could ever imagine she is terrible i don't have any part of me that has any hate i'm like okay Rainbow.

You chatteled on yourself.

Yeah.

And

Hugo's like, okay, no comment then.

And she's like, Hugo's making statements about me, Fraser.

She's like, Fraser, Fraser, Rainbow, Fraser.

I'm right to you, Tony.

Well, still, I want to go by protocol because I'm not a hateful person.

I'm being accused of hating Shalene and I don't like her at all, but I don't like, I don't like bullshit like that.

And he's like, but I love the drama.

It's so fun.

She goes, oh, what are you trying to start shit, bro?

What stay in your own lane, Hugo?

He goes, like, oh, fucking hell, you're a fucking joke.

What'd you call me?

I said, you're a fucking joke.

Me?

I don't like when people bullshit, right?

Could like, don't lie to my face.

Rainbow and Selene have a really fucked up relationship.

There's all this cattiness and jealousy, and they're always at each other's backs.

And like, also, this affects the whole crew.

Like, we feel it.

We get dragged into it.

Oh, I'm Team Selene.

Oh, I'm Team Rambo.

Fucking grow up.

Or how about you fucking grow up and stay out of the interiors like bullshit and like stop like making this when he says oh don't lie to my face don't put her in a position where she has to lie to her face because you're making her like have to say that she hates another crew member and that's divisive so yeah i agree with you i think you go's the asshole in this situation like it's not up to you to be policing people's words and how they're feeling this isn't even your fucking department sir so back off and you're the one starting fights like you're literally starting a fight right now And that's going to affect the crew.

And then you're going to go talk about what a bitch rainbow is.

And that's going to affect the crew.

And also, there is no I'm team Rainbow and I'm I'm Team Celine.

That's not happening unless it's something that's happening on camera, but no one is, no one's acting like that.

So stop being a little shit starter, Hugo, and then complaining to everybody's starting shit.

You are the biggest one to complain about drama, but you've now started like three of them.

So, yeah, also, no one even talks to Rainbow.

Like, I don't think even people pay attention to Rainbow.

She's just there.

The people say hi to her and they just move on.

So it's not even like there isn't like a divided crew.

People, like, people are just doing their other things.

Yeah.

So then Fraser

is like,

well, I'm sorry.

Fraser's talking to Rainbow, and Rainbow's like, what was that comment from Hugo?

He's like, oh, I thought it was all joking.

And he was like, oh, you really hate her?

And I was like, oh, no, I'm just saying.

And he was like, oh, this is so high school.

You don't hate her.

You don't hate her.

You don't hate her.

You're a fucking joke.

Okay, you don't come.

And guess what?

Hugo doesn't come into our space and start shouting at my people.

That's that's you know what I'm going to I'm going to walk right up to him and you know what I'm going to say to him.

I'm going to say, listen, Hugo,

excuse me, I'm trying to get by.

and he will learn from that experience i'll tell you that much read him for filth excuse me thank you see

see just did it so dessert served and um anthony is like tonight for the last course we got boobies oh yes in honor of breast cancer for the last course we have profiterol with vanilla ice cream homemade chocolate sauce and homemade whipped cream with a skirt steak in the middle because my grandpa liked this He also was a big fan of potato.

So that's neither here nor there, but he rode a horse too.

Show the Instagram.

Show it.

Show it.

It's sort of, I mean,

this again, I'm not trying to be insensitive, but there is also something about this episode.

This woman has like gone through hell.

She's had chemo and she's celebrating life.

Like she made it to the other side.

She is so lucky and she's like here on this boat.

She's celebrating.

And everyone's just talking about the people that they've lost.

And I just feel like actually, like, I don't know.

I mean, like, everyone's gone through these.

It's traumatic.

I understand.

It's dredging up memories, but I almost kind of feel like I want,

I almost was like, why can't they actually be more like, let's celebrate your life than like dwell in like the

losses that we have?

And I understand, like, you, like, it brings up stuff, but there's part of me that's kind of, I don't know, I kind of felt like.

Well, also, if you're really close with someone who's ever gone.

gone through this,

it's so fucking difficult.

And let me tell you the last thing they want to hear.

Hey, guys, I've been through chemo.

I've been through a hell of a time.

I've been dealing with cancer for a couple of years and I thought I was going to die.

Oh, my grandma died of that.

I'm still upset.

My grandma passed.

My grandpa passed.

Everyone's dead.

We get it.

We get it.

It's like, no, this is my cancer.

Like, I don't want to hear about your trauma.

This is not about you.

Okay.

This is about me.

This is about me.

Stop all of your fucking trauma.

Do your trauma on your own time.

This is my cruise to talk about my pain.

Get your grandmother out of here.

Get her out.

Wheel your dead grandmother out of my scene.

And it's almost like, and I know Jess and the chef are not talking to the guests about this stuff, but there's also an element of like, this lady came on here to celebrate life and she's going to turn on Bravo.

And what's she going to see?

All these people who are like, oh, yeah.

Like, it's like, like, can we celebrate this lady more?

Like, this is such an amazing thing for her.

But like, I understand.

It's, I'm trying to ride a line here of being like, you know, acknowledge that people, you know, are brought to places where they are thinking about loss and they're allowed to feel that way.

But I also am just like, I kind of feel like it's overshadowing that this woman is actually like, like she's done, like done something amazing, right?

Or she's gone through something.

So if you're going to come out the other side.

I think they're just doing the reality show thing of like, okay, it's a cancer episode.

So everybody talk about people that you've known with cancer.

So they're just doing it.

You know, they're just doing what they're told.

But I think it's put together together kind of in a clunky way.

I agree with you.

Yeah.

Cause I don't have cancer currently, but I watch this and I'm like, I'm getting offended for lady with cancer treatment.

I'm like, can the lady have her own moment?

Okay.

This is not about her.

This is not about you.

Yeah.

I think that's what it is.

It's like I'm trying to like, like, I'm not trying to dismiss anyone's stories.

And like, obviously Anthony's not even talking about cancer.

I'm not trying to dismiss these stories.

These are important, life-shaping things, but I'm also kind of like,

I don't know, I feel like they are detract they're detracting from what should be a celebration of this of this dentist yeah so i prefer all and do you know what we really need to celebrate this thank you for like just crystallizing what it's all about

and do you know what we really need to celebrate more chew pastry i mean We really all need to be making more shoe pastry.

It's not that difficult, and it is so fucking delicious.

It really is.

I'm going to make some today for my friend Tricia, who's staying with me.

We're going to have shoe tonight.

That's it.

Wow.

Shoo, shoo, shoper dupe.

Shoopa dupe.

Shoopa dupe dupe.

Pastry.

It's going to be a very share evening over here.

We're going to have some share shoe.

Okay.

Someone once said they cannot stand when I sing on the podcast.

And I, to that person, I say, sorry, this episode

got the music in me.

Oh, oh, I've got a song to sing for you, person who wrote that comment.

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you,

I actually have

here's a song for them: run away, run away,

run away and save your life.

Run for your mother and run for your sister, run for your mother, and run for the doggy, run to the running, and running, and running.

Do you remember that song, that Florence of the Machine song?

I felt like every time I walk into the game,

every time I walk into the Trader Joe's, they're like, run, by your mother's run, by assist.

Dong, someone rings that bell.

We need assistance.

Oh, thanks.

Thanks, Sherry, for doing it on beat.

Oh, you like the jelly beans here, huh?

I mean, they're just so different.

They really are, aren't they?

You're getting two of them.

Good for you.

Good for you.

I never go into Trader Joe's anymore, but I actually happened to go in like yesterday.

It's so funny that we're talking about it right now.

No one ever talks about Trader Joe's.

Yeah, I don't go in much either because there's always a line in the valley to get in that goddamn, not to get in, but it's like so hard to move because it's so small.

But I went this weekend on vacation, and wow, you can get all their frozen things.

I forgot how good their stuff is there.

I know.

I mean, they've got so many appetizers.

You throw them in the micro, and people are like, Ronnie, what a chef.

I know.

Yeah, I got some frozen gyozas because I'm going to try a recipe.

A tomato dumpling salad where you basically toss dumplings with fresh tomatoes and like

vinaigrette and it's supposed to be amazing and i'm gonna delight

yep

go fast for your mother and fast for your sister go wrong with the florence and machines on the young heart

so um oh so this is where it gets really derby okay so they do the derby it's bedtime it's like 11 17 at night and uh celane

Selene hurts herself on the coffee machine because she's cleaning it.

She goes, oh, coffee machine now, coffee machine.

And Rainbow goes,

do you ever think that when you hurt yourself, this is karma?

She goes, oh, only a baby.

She goes, yeah.

So, you know, because you fuck over your teammates every day.

That's fine.

Whoa.

So I goes, uh, sorry.

She goes, yeah, I said those things are just, I said, that's because you fuck over your teammates.

You know how when you hurt yourself, you know, every time you fall down the stairs, every time you trip and fall, that's karma from you fucking over all of us, you fucking bitch whore slut.

She goes, uh, you want to say something to me, rainbow?

And she's like, okay.

She tells us, here we go again, another fight.

Rainbow is like beasts of vagina bush.

I don't even know what that means.

Beast of vagina bush.

I feel like there's like some French put-down that she like translated into English very literally.

Like in France, like in French, if you say like beast of vagina bush, like it's like it makes sense.

But like in English, it's like,

what?

Beast of vagina bush.

So then Selena's like, so I go to bed when everything is finished.

And Rainbow's like, well, technically, you go to bed when I send you to bed.

And all you have to do is just, just the bar and the day ahead.

Just you, just, but maybe you could put off just because, you know, the beast of vagina bush, you know.

um i feel your energy and i just want to say it shows me that you don't care about me and she goes yes of course she goes okay so go start she goes okay nice conversation vagina bush

and rainbow says no it wasn't a nice conversation she goes it was sarcastic

fuck you and then rainbow's like girl get the fuck out of my face and then she starts to like clench her fists and she has all these flashbacks and we hear like the flashbacks of her being like my sister would get me so angry that we would just beat each other up on an island in the middle of Holland.

This whole thing was so camp and hilarious how they just kept showing it.

They show her like doing her deep breathing, like,

rainbow, rainbow, calm down.

My sisters and I were put on an island to beat each other up.

Rainbow, calm down.

I fucking hate my sisters.

I'm going to hit my sisters.

Rainbow.

I solve things with violence.

Rainbow.

And then it just shows her like her fists are bald and she's like, don't do it, rainbow.

Don't do it, bro.

But I really want to hit her.

I really want to hit her.

Let it out.

Do it, rainbow.

Do it.

Hit her.

Oh, my goodness.

Oh, you know what?

Rainbow's fucking psycho.

What the hell is wrong with Rainbow?

Like, she just started that fight.

Now she's like, I want to hit her.

I dare you.

Yes.

So everyone, that was it.

That's the, that is.

what were you saying what were you about to say like oh no we just meeting that started eight minutes ago i just saw so we have to wrap this up

yeah

i didn't even realize thank you everyone so much for being here we have got to go to a meeting and we will talk to you on the next one bye

bye

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