#2775 Below Deck Down Under S03E08: Bat’s Entertainment!

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Hello, and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker, and joining me, as usual, is the wonderful Ronnie Karam.
Hi, Ronnie. Well, hello.
What's going on with you, baby? You know, it's Tuesday. It's Below Deck Day.
Very excited to talk about it. In case you didn't hear, one of our many announcements is that we're covering White Lotus on Patreon now.
So if you want to hear the rest of the season recapped and if you want to hear a recap of the season so far, go to patreon.com slash watch what happens and get involved with that. It's going to be a lot of fun.
Also, this weekend, we're going to DC and Philadelphia on Saturday and Sunday, respectively. In DC, we're going to recap the part one of the Southern Charm Reunion, which should be really fun.
And then in Philadelphia, we're going to recap the latest Summer House. So thanks in advance to everyone who's going to be tuning in wondering where our Summer House recap is on Thursday.
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And then also we're adding Top Chef to the schedule this week, which is going to be fun. And yeah, it's going to be good times.
We are adding the last two episodes of White Lotus. We've just put a White Lotus catch-up over on our Patreon.
Yes. And we're going to do the last two episodes over at Patreon.
So, go join up at Patreon. Also, Hannah and Daisy from Below Deck Yacht.
Hannah from the Below Deck Med and Daisy from Below Deck Sailing Yacht are teaming up to take people on their own private yacht tour of the coast of Croatia. It's going to be amazing.
They're going to be partying with people. They're doing basically you and seven of your friends go on this yacht and party with Daisy and Hannah.
So it sounds like an amazing vacation. So if you guys want to find out more about it email them over at party with daisy and hannah at gmail.com party with daisy and hannah at gmail.com i want to go that sounds yeah that'll be fun croatia is beautiful hell yeah your own below your own below deck experience without douchebags and cameras everywhere i know what a dream but today we are going to talk about a below deck experience with douchebags and cameras.
We're talking about below deck down under. Someone came up to us, I think at our Charlotte show and made a really, really strong observation.
And she said, and she said it so with pure kindness, she was like, you guys have not been doing, have not been highlighting the fish cameos in below Duck Down Under recently. And we're like, you know what? You are absolutely right.
We will highlight those fish because this show gives us so many wonderful aquatic cameos and they deserve to be noted. They deserve to be highlighted.
And I don't know about you, Ronnie, there was one fish in particular this week that really caught my eye. I wonder if the Jews did not.
Well, there was the fact was the fact well there was there was definitely like some good blowfish content which i appreciate both by the way there's some blowfish on the latest white lotus too there was a big old dead blowfish which but there was a living one in this one i didn't see the blowfish i wasn't calling him fat i was calling it was kind of like a triangular big fish like let's say maybe triangular is triangular. Is that which one? I don't know.
There was definitely that. I saw that.
I saw the, my favorite fish of the week. My fish of the week goes to, there was like a fluorescent green, long skinny fish.
Did you see that one? That just sort of sat there. It was like, it looked like, is it called a pencil fish? Whatever.
It was just, it was like long. It looked like a flute or a piccolo.
And it was just there, fluorescent green and just hanging out by some pebbles. And we just got a big, long shot of it.
And I said, you know what? We didn't get the Moray eel this week, which by the way, that's not right. We should get the Moray eel.
But if we get that pencil fish, which I'm not sure it's a pencil fish, but I'm calling it a pencil fish. If we get that every week, I will be a happy man.
Because that was a star right there. We got a wallfish, which is just a fish that's completely flat.
How do those fish live their lives? I mean, they're goal weight. But you know what? I'll bet they sit there and they talk about themselves badly.
They're like, oh my god, I'm just so huge. Because they are huge, but they're only huge in one angle.
And the other way, they could fit through two sheets of paper. It's like go through.
I bet they're really insecure. It's like your big and old places.
Yeah, those flatfish are crazy. Like a flounder.
But my favorite of the whole year has been there was this crab. It was huge.
And it looked like kind of a drag queen crab. I mean, it looked like it was wearing jangles and bangles

and like a wig. I mean, this crab was amazing.
And I've been looking for another shot of that crab and I haven't seen it. Yeah.
I feel like I saw a crab recently that was really a really good crab. Was it on last night's episode? I also want to amend something.
I said pencil fish. I meant needle fish.
I think what we saw was a fluorescent green needle fish. And it was just a real star.
But yeah, that crab, I think I know which one you're talking about. If you saw it, you would never forget it.
It looked like it was literally wearing tons of jewelry, and it had so much, I guess, moss on it that it looked like it had a shawl. I mean, it was a great crab, and it just kept coming in and out of its hole.
It was like, cameras are here. It would come out, and then it would go back in.
It's like, that's all you get. There was a lot of clownfish content.
There was actually one shot, like a really extreme close-up of a clownfish. And I appreciate that.
We all love clownfish. Ever since Finding Nemo, clownfishes have really come up in the world.
But they're so on the nose. It's like they're on the nose.
And they're so like, I get frustrated with clownfish because of finding Nemo. Cause that fucking fish, it's like, I'm trying to eat my cereal and I have to feel guilty about you going missing.
You know what I mean? And that's how I feel about Nemo. Yeah.
I kind of feel like Nemo, like stay put, like this is kind of your fault. I don't know.
Why should I feel bad? They warned you like the survival of the fittest sorry and how many people have you put in danger due to your stupid decisions but you get a movie you know what i mean you get like a whole movie about you meanwhile the entire ocean has to be turned upside down just to find you because you were reckless nemo and so therefore i don't find clown fishes as cute anymore because i i do get annoyed at nemo and i just feel like it's people you know what it is it's also like no one really thought about clownfishes before nemo came along and then all of a sudden nemo came along everyone's like oh they're so cute and everyone acts like they always thought clownfishes were the cutest you never thought they were cute until nemo came along i don't feel like i don't feel like i mean i always thought they were pretty but i mean here's the thing like i think it's unfair because those fish are like justdressed. And so everybody's nicer to them.
It's like people who were born like with model looks. Everybody's like, oh my God, they're really an asshole, but God, they're really good looking.
Like that excuses something. You know what I mean? And clownfish, what do they have to work for? Nothing.
Cause they come out with like these perfect outfits. They're all the same size.
They all look perfect. They're all like wearing these fabulous clothes and everybody's like, oh wow, that fish automatically respect and i'm like that fish didn't have to do it you want to talk about fucking fish privilege the clownfish has it they they do but you know what's great about the clownfish is that they have staggering insecurity because they're called clownfish and there's no reason for them to be called a clownfish an ugly person like clowns yeah like they're they're a hundred percent not clowns like they should be called like the missoni fish or something like that.
They've just got beautiful chevron all around them. And the fact that someone said, oh, they're a clown, they have to live with that.
Because no matter how beautiful, how popular they are, how well-dressed they are, at the end of the day, they're a clown. And that's hard to live with.
Well, I think that they were born to an ugly doctor and the mom passed out after birth. She was like, oh my God, it was a difficult birth.
So she passed out. And then the doctor was like, I'll name it for you.
Clown. You're a clown, kid.
You're never going to make it with your fabulous outfit. And that's all you've got, you shallow clown.
And then so the first clown had to spend the rest of its life proving its worth, which it never really did. So the word clownfish stuck.
They never had to make an effort because they're just adorable. i think the doctor was so mean to that fish also because it's like clearly that like the doctor and the mom were they were like it was like husband and wife right like he delivered his own like fish child and then it was like obvious when like the fish came out and was like it was like supposed to be a goldfish because they're both goldfish and then all of a sudden wait a second what are these bands of white that are going around who have you been sleeping with and it turns out like the mom was sleeping with a halibut so he's like i'll never accept this bastard clown of a child yeah and i thought we can't put bastard clown of a child as its name so we'll just go with clown it's a clown fish and thus we got these stupid fish okay so we open with this episode it's called rumble in the jungle dun dun dun dun dun season three episode eight why is it called rumble in the jungle because they um they have like a fear factor jungle theme thing later on and they start in the jungle and this jungle the jungle around r.i.p uh r.i.p george foreman because wasn't he wasn't the rumble in the jungle his big thing anyway so um they this episode by the way this big thing i know but wasn't his it wasn't the rumble in the jungle like rumble in the was that george foreman no he was like grilled chicken without any fat i was like you're a liar george the rumble in the jungle was george foreman versus mu Muhammad Ali, where they both presented competing patents about grills.
I don't like that violent sport. Okay, well, good news.
No boxing here. However, this was also the episode really that finally locked in truly that Vian is terrible.
I remember the beginning of the season, we actually thought he was okay. We're like, oh, he seems like he should be a douchebag, but he's actually all right.
And then this episode, he just was inept and he whined the entire time and did no work. And he's just awful.
Yeah, I think Below Deck has just gotten us to a point where if someone doesn't commit assaults, we're like, oh my God, good for him. He's doing great.
Yeah, we're like, he's a great posun boss and he may have other faults but at least he didn't do that you know yeah he sucks though and um and he really bungled up it was a bungle in the jungle which is a song um where he really messed up this uh this picnic because he didn't even go on it he didn't he sort of didn't even do any scouting He didn't get any information. He didn't get any reconnaissance.
No one knew what to do. Timing was wrong.
No one knew about the surfaces. No one knew how far it was from the beach thing.
I don't even have to tell you. It's just a disaster and it's really all his fault.
And he is on the boat asking the new girl to make cheese plates for a dare. And he's just like resting and looking himself in the mirror.
Yeah, and he's so lazy. He's so lazy.
And they really highlighted that in this episode, which was fun. So, we are still at the group trip that he didn't plan.
So, everybody's out, you know, looking at the tortoises, you know, all the- David. Yeah.
Tortoise David. I feel like all the- And again, I stand by this, like, if you have aging guests, take us to a tortoise place, because our skincare regimen looks so amazing compared to theirs.
We're like, wow, they're all 100, you know, that's where I want to party. Like, take me to a place where there's like a good 150 year old party.
You know, that's where I want to feel, like, young and hot. So, they're doing that.
Meanwhile,

Serena's stuck with the food and

waving flies away because

she had to put up the food too early because

nobody is coordinating this trip.

So, she's getting all mad. And she's like,

oh my god, I was told lunch would be

at 12 instead of 12.30. I mean,

what is this?

And, you know, she shoos away the flies.

And I felt bad for the flies because they finally got a decent meal.

It's not poop.

It's not a pile of poop.

And they're already getting shoved away.

Yeah.

So, meanwhile, Vian's just like, he's taking a shower.

He's looking himself in the mirror.

I mean, he really is.

And so...

He even tells himself, hey, handsome, in the mirror.

Yeah.

Like, do people...

I didn't know people really did that. I do that.
Hey, handsome. Yeah, I do that in the mirror yeah it's like do people i didn't know people really did that that's just hey handsome yeah i do that in the mirror yeah actually well uh i'll tell you who doesn't do that the clownfish the clownfish knows i'll bet he does sort of his sort of past oh fish are the most oh my god fish are the most narcissistic because they have glass homes like when they're domesticated you know they've got like glass homes so all they do is look at themselves all day don't talk about a fucking narcissist it's a clownfish trust me you know you know what expression fish hate people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones like i can't even why do you keep saying that to me i don't have hands yeah they're like also people without hands shouldn't throw stones great saying fucking yeah thanks thanks a saying that does not apply to me.
Now, please get away from my tank so I can continue to stare at the hottest person in the world. Myself.
Hello, handsome. Hello.
So, so, Laura starts heading over to the beach picnic, et cetera. And meanwhile, Alicia is, she's just snapped at, well, she she didn't really snap but she was sassy she was shady um to she wasn't shady but she was snarky to beyond because remember he asked about the the cheese plate are you worried about all the alicia fans coming for you because i mean no i just want i just want to make sure i i don't like using the wrong word if i can help it because i'm i like to i like to be able to make fun of people on bravo for using the wrong word, if I can help it.
Because I like to be able to make fun of people on Bravo for using the wrong word.

But so the more I use an incorrect word, the more I lose my wrong word shading capital.

And so I want to build up that bank of wrong word capital.

That's funny.

So I'm trying to use the right word here.

Alicia felt a slight sense of perturbance at Meheim.

Alicia was taken by the pulchritude of her face. So Alicia, basically she sassed Vian.
And she had said, oh, she's going to be into you, even though you've gone through half the crew, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, which was admittedly out of place, even though we though we don't like beyond and so now she's stressed about it she's like oh my goal for the charter season is to basically make the best impression but fuck me i've already pissed off the bosun and you usually have zero filters but um so i'm not surprised by this but i should not have had i should have had that at best like eat some humble pie and apologize and by the way something i'd like to say about alicia is I mean, I like her so far, but for some reason I was really turned off by she had taken her hair and she'd like turned it into like these big spools of hair where the hair was all dangling down. And all I could imagine was just hair in all the food.
I don't know why. I don't know why.
When the hair is like in a ponytail, it feels better. But like it was all up and dangling like a weeping willow.
And I was like, I feel like this is not what i feel like as as a chef you shouldn't have your hair like that am i incorrect in that saying that yeah well i don't know because i like her hair because i like that she does the two little buns on her hair like the lady in sweeney todd who turns people into meat like they're serial killers but they turn people into meat pies so i like that because i like a badass here's where i kind of lost a little respect this part where she apologizes to that douchebag you don't know that guy anything and don't apologize to him i like you right now but now you're like kind of erasing it with an apology so i don't like that so she sends him a text and meanwhile um vian and harry are serving themselves lunch and harry you know vian serves a ton. And Harry's like, come on, leave some for me.

And he's like, oh, come on, it's not too much.

And so Jason is talking about having to relocate the boat because Captain Sandy's nemesis is here.

The wind.

The wind.

The wind.

It's here, guys.

There's a swell.

There's a swell.

Norma must have jumped into the ocean.

So Norma must have done a cannonball day cannonball wednesday oh you better watch your ass or i'm gonna spank you i mean spanks you bloop bloop well you would like to spank me because you've got you got nothing else to do in your life because it's sad and boring. Okay, you already lost this text fight because all I saw were three dots pulsing for too long.
You lose. Bloop.
Love you, bitch. Bloop.
I'm out of practice. Sorry.
I've been on vacation. Bloop.
so jason is leaving the boat to go check out Calma Waters. So, then, Vian's like, what does it mean? What does it mean we need Calma Waters? And then his food slides off the table onto the floor and the dish breaks.
Because, you know. He does it.
Because the thing is, sort of like sort of throws his food the plate on there and then you know like i don't know so then it just slides off he's just so inept at everything um and of course he makes a huge mess and everything so jason is saying that they're going to be going to ladik you know this is our first time in ladik and it's paradise but the weather't control. So we're going to go because, you know, we have to find new anchorage because that's what we have to do.
So then everyone is biking over to this beach picnic. There are flies everywhere.
It continues to be a disaster. But they get there and by the time they get there, they've made it look all nice, and Serena is saying, you know, like, I wanted to bring a little bit of England to the Seychelles.
There's little finger sandwiches, lobster rolls, and tiny little cupcakes that have the Gallagher brothers frosted on top of them. So the ladies, I love their lunch.
Everything worked out great, guys. And then Serena's like, Laura, because she's done like kind of this big tomato tart and all this stuff that they're doing with their hands, or kind of taking it with their hands.
And so Laura's like, so what are we serving these people with? She goes, oh, there's no tongs or anything. You know, I just, that's just how we're doing it today.
There nothing to serve and laura's like um not ideal because now this is cemented as laura's biggest storyline of the season why won't this fucking chef you serving things i know she's so confused about why she can't just get this woman to use a tong or a spoon she She doesn't get it. I don't either, really.
It's an ongoing issue. So, the picnic is there.
They're having fun, taking photos, eating food, having a great time. And then now, Johnny is taking photos of them.
This is like, apparently this is kind of his specialty, is he takes photos of the guests. He's always like, beautiful, beautiful pose, pose by the rock.
Oh, fabulous. Like, beautiful piece of spenacopita.
He does a very weird pose himself, though, as he's taking the pictures. I don't know if you noticed, but he bends all the way over like he's touching his toes and then takes a picture that way.
I did not notice that. Why are you taking a picture like that? It's like dropping the soap.
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So then Zarina and Bree are just heading back to the boat and Zarina's like,

I literally didn't realize I could sweat from some of these areas.

It's behind the knees.

It's like Niagara Falls coming out from behind my knees right now. Isn't that lovely? That's disgusting.
I'm so glad I'm not there. Like, it looks like paradise.
I think I'm really going to be a big fan of VR once it becomes, like, good enough that we can just sit around and, like, be on VR all day. Because I can see all this beauty but not have to feel the heat of it.
I have to feel the gross sweating behind my knees not that i've never felt sweating behind my knees before but that's how i know it's disgusting you know yeah yeah it's um this is definitely one of the most humid seasons of below deck we've ever seen like i get sticky just watching it yeah so um johnny is doing his um direction he's like don't be afraid to lean on rock. There.
There is the confidence we love. Lady leaning on the rock.
Photo by Johnny. Like a beautiful young Artemis in her prime.
So, now there's more making food. And Alicia is basically, she's really stressed because she should be making food, but now she's stressed and distracted because she's thinking about how to craft an apology to Vian, which is so stupid.
And like, yes, she shouldn't have to apologize in the first place. Although she is like hierarchically, hierarchically, she should have said that to someone who's higher up.

And she's doing the right thing.

She shouldn't have to do this.

She shouldn't do it.

But it's technically the right thing.

But the point is that he put her in this position in the first place,

and he should have never walked in there and asked for a cheese plate

while she was working, and it was on charter.

And so that she was even put there in the first place

is where the real fuckery is.

And now she's sitting here in a situation

where she has to focus on Vian and his emotions rather than the food.

Yeah, because if we're going to talk... in the first place is where the real fuckery is.
And now she's sitting here in a situation where she has to focus on Vian and his emotions

rather than the food.

Yeah, because if we're going to talk about hierarchy,

he shouldn't be trying to fuck one of his underlings either

and writing her love letters and making her cheese plates

because, you know, power implements, et cetera.

So I'm not going to stand up for him.

Fuck him.

I don't think she should ever apologize to him.

And if he can go hit on an underling,

she can make fun of him for it

because he's the first one he threw the rules out.

So fuck that guy.

Yeah, fuck him for sure.

Now, you can make fun of him for it, because he's the first one he threw the rules out.

So, fuck that guy.

Yeah, fuck that for sure. She sends the message, and he gets it,

and he goes, oh my god, she sent me a message.

Listen to this message.

I feel so bad for being rude earlier.

I follow your heart,

and who's me to be saying anything?

Oh, well, she's just playing a game trying to make someone jealous that's harry's like uh who is she trying to make jealous and he's like oh really me wait how would veon be jealous from this tech like why would she be trying to he is like literally so stupid and harry harry's like do you reckon he's like well i mean fucking look what does it have to do with her i mean look follow your heart and who's who's me to be saying anything like what does it even make sense she just wants me to be jealous she wants me so badly yeah and harry's like uh that's her apologizing he goes no you know what i think she's like okay i'm gonna flirt with the one who's been taken and make all the other boys jealous oh my god you are so stupid you are literally so stupid and then it dawns on me he just literally doesn't know words he doesn't understand he doesn't follow your heart and he doesn't understand even what she's talking about he's literally an idiot and i love what he just has this big blink blink in his eyes where he's like blink blink blink and uh at this point at least we know he's just stupid you know yeah yeah i um i i literally am but i can't even follow his logic and how he's interpreting it i think i think your answer is the best one which is that he just doesn't understand the words so he's just he's built this case that the case itself doesn't make sense because he doesn't make can't make sense of this so harry's like oh i don't know how delusional you have to be to think that if you get a kiss from a girl she likes you. I mean, this isn't the bitch, it's a super yacht.
Now I hope to know I can give my tragedy story to Brie and she'll fall in love with me and give me a rose. Exactly.
Cut to a scene of Harry asking if he can reserve a master bedroom. So then everyone heads back and Marina is asking Alicia for help or whatever.
Or she's just asking for help. And they're all getting ready and there's going to be some drinks that are handed out.
And Jason's asking how everything went. And Vian's like, oh, it was amazing.
He's like, okay, so what's the plan now? He's like, well, I'm going gonna go pick up johnny and adair and all this stuff and like god captain jason's just wants me to be jealous like why is he all up i thought he was straight but it looks like he's coming on to me it's like out of control so serena comes back complaining of course she's telling alicia like oh my god it was horrible it was the most unorganized mess it was terrible just make some crew food. all right? Let's just do a tomato mozzarella salad.
Keep it simple. So then Vian is complaining about being exhausted.
Oh, no, no, sorry. Johnny is telling him he's exhausted.
And he's like, you know, it's the long distances. Too much walking, too much carrying.
And imparting such wisdom as feel free to lean against a rock using my art my craft it was not easy but i changed a woman today a woman became an artist today thank you her name was never dollars so um zarina is uh she's cooking she's getting she's prepping some food and she announces that, she's like, so I got a recipe from a local woman about this bloody bat. And it turns out she's literally cooking bat.
Which I was not expecting. But apparently it's a local delicacy in the Seychelles.
Yeah, one of the ladies requested bats. And I think it's the Australian lady.
And so they're going to have a fear fictor. They're going to have a fear factor night where they have a bunch of grody things.
And then the ladies eat crazy things like bats. I can do that at home.
You know what I mean? I don't want to go put my hand in spaghetti and pretend it's something disgusting on a luxury yacht. I am open to eating local delicacy.
Like if I were in the Seychelles and they said bat was a delicacy, I would eat the bat. I would do that.
But what I'm not, I don't think I want to have a fear factor experience like you just said on a super yacht. Like if I want to have a fear factor experience, I will literally go to like Sizzler or something, but I don't take a shower where there's full length mirrors.
You know what I mean? But I'm not doing that on the super yacht. I want to have a luxury luxury factor experience.
It's like, all right, teams, you have five minutes to sit on the chaise lounge go yeah the real fear factor is going to like the breakfast day at the hyatt place or whatever you know oh god if you want dry crumbly eggs how much how much dry how many how much dry crumbly eggs can you eat in five minutes it's just salty and dry i've eaten a lot of i've eaten a lot of those. Okay, so now, what's happening now? So, Jason...
So, she's making the bat. Okay, so Jason, it's time to do the anchor, right? And so, Johnny's over there like, anchor, you look beautiful.
I just need more from behind your eyes. But the anchor is kind of sticking.
It's not coming up. And meanwhile, Vian is just going through pictures on...
not Bree. Is it Bree's phone? What's that girl's name? The Hick.
I'm sorry. I'm losing it today.
Adair's phone. They're going through pictures.
She's like, oh, yeah, look at that. And that's a turtle.
He's like, wow, I love turtles. She's like, me too.
You know the turtles are the right pickup trucks. I love them.
Hey, you think this bird will, do you think this tortoise dips? He's like, oh my God, I'm in love with you. I love your accent.
And meanwhile, Johnny is trying to figure out the anchor. And meanwhile, meanwhile, Jason can see all this through the CCTV.
So he's like, hello, are we paying attention? And Vian's like, paying attention to tortoises. Am I right? God, I've never wanted to own a family of tortoises more than with someone like you, Adair.

She's like, yeah, I am.

Yeah, it's pretty cool.

And so he's like, are you kidding me?

I can see everything on CCTV, which, as we all know, is a cable channel dedicated to CC Peniston.

They're on there.

It's crazy.

And there's no sense of urgency.

We're in a crowded Anchorage.

We've got a swell coming in.

I need all eyes on deck. It's

not acceptable. So I'm going to lay into him right now.

Hold on. Let me get on the radio.

Hey, Vion.

Why are you guys standing around? Wow.

He really heard it from me.

And another complaint with

Jason this season. What the fuck,

Jason? And then still, Vion never gets in

any trouble. He tells him, like, don't do that, mate.
But then who has to wear the disco ball from hell? Not this guy. He gets away with that every time.
Last time, he almost drowned somebody by putting a wave runner that was leaking into the ocean. You gave the disco ball from hell to somebody else.
And now he does this, and you still never give him the disco ball. What the fuck, it are you only allowed to have it once because he had it in the first after the first charter i think so maybe he didn't want he doesn't want to overdo it but yeah this guy needs like a disco ball he needs like a few different disco balls attached so um uh so they they go because the anchor is stuck so basically beyond like he just like goes and goes to that little hole and fixes it and everything so then meanwhile Zarina and Alicia are cooking and they're really happy and then Alicia tells Zarina that that Vian came in and said can you make a cheese board and Zarina's like really put off by it and I was really hoping that that Zarina would hold him to the hold his feet to a little bit more.
I feel like it didn't come up again. And I was like really ready for this to become like a thing.
Like, why are you pestering my sous chef about a cheese platter for your date? You know? I thought this was going to be- Because part of her wants a cheese plate. You know what I mean? Part of her is like, oh, so the cheese plate was for me.
Did you make it? Was it amazing? She's like, no, it was for Ad was for Adair she's like fuck him and his cheese plates so she's like I don't understand why he's asking for a date stuff while we're on charter so then Vian is trying to make some romance happen with Adair they're just like staring out over the water and he's like did you keep the letter I wrote you she's like yeah I've never had a letter written in pictures and fingernails before. He's like, yeah, I like writing.
I have a little book and in it I write things, my deepest, darkest thoughts. Here's one.
I got $5 today because I slapped someone in the face with my penis. Was it worth it? It was.
Upon cigarettes. She's like, oh my God, that's so romantic.
Here's something else I wrote. I said, a little bit of Monica in my life, a little bit of Erica by my side, a little bit of Rita's what I need, a little bit of Tina's what I see.
Oh my God, what are you, do you have a land filled with gays? Because you sound like a gay lord right now. So then there's more cleaning happening and Brie is, so brie so brie is like brie and laura are talking about like an energy drink they're talking about like oh yeah we have to do our energy thing we always have to do it before dinner service it's kind of like they're expressing that they've already kind of developed a little bit of a ritual before they do dinner service and then marina's all sad because she witnesses it and she's like i am i am alone you know i don't get to do fun things.
She's all sad because she's in the laundry room and she feels left out. And I think this is unfair.
Because they were told, I'm not going to have a second or third. I'm going to decide as we go and have you guys switching it up so it doesn't get too old.
And then she keeps one person down with the laundry the whole time. I don't think that's nice.
But that being said, it's only been... Yes, I agree.
She said she'd switch it up, but this is Marina's only... So she's done two laundry charters in a row.
She's acting like she's been down there for like seven charters. It's only been like, you're on one bonus one right now.
But I think it's like when you're in solitary confinement, you know, it makes it worse. It makes it seem longer.
It's torture. Yeah, I guess it is.
I don't know. I kind of feel like everyone likes to deal with the guests, but I feel like I would, I think I might want to do the laundry more, to be honest.
Oh, they all say that. Don't they all say that? You don't have to deal with the people.
Yeah, I guess they do all say that. I like dealing with the people.
So, Brie is like, oh, you know, I know we have to do a, wait, what are they talking about? Our daily? Oh, the energy drinks. And, okay, so then Jason is talking to Serena, and he's asking how the picnic went.
She's like, well, you know, the organization wasn't great. You know, we were just told so many different things.
And if I'd been told those things by a boyfriend instead of an idiot bosun, they might have landed differently. But where we're at now is Vian kind of sucks.
And he's like, uh-oh. Oh, well, let me tell him off.
Let me find the best way to tell him off. Hold on.
Vian, Vian, Jason, Vian, Vian, Jason, you're doing great, mate. You're doing great.
Everything's going great. All right, bye.
Love you. He should be trembling in his beats now.
Love you. He'll be terrified.
I just don't know how he could not follow the simple plan. Organise, lead this excursion and be there.
There's no bringing it up now, but we'll go to bed and I'll bring it up after the charter. And when I bring it up after the charter, I'm going to say, now listen here, Vian.
I heard about what you did. And what I've got to say to you is, your hair looks great.
All right. Better work next time.
And he's like, so when the guests came together, everything was there, everything was working. Oh my God, the charter guests didn't even notice.
They felt so young after hanging out with tortoises. They were literally just taking off their tops, hitting on teenagers on the bar.
That's really all they cared about. So now we're approaching dinner and Laura is designing this Fear F game and harry comes up with this idea of like hey why don't we take like take some pails put some garbage bags over the top cut out a little hole and i have to reach in and feel things it'll be fun and it's like great and laura's basically says to vion could you get me some pails for this so um now then uh she talks about talks about tonight dinner, which is going to be jungle themed and yada yada, Fear Factor, Curry.
Finally, I'm the artist. My mother never knew I could be putting hot dogs into jugs.
People will reach into and be disgusted by. God damn it.
I've made it. I know, right? So, um uh so beyond comes now we're getting even closer to dinner and so they're up on deck and lara's you know beyonds there and and lara has him blowing up some inflatable crocodiles and she's like by the way do you have any of those buckets uh and he's like sure how many do you need she's like well i need four of them he's like all right and then he kind of is like he just sits there yeah okay he's sitting down to blow down his alligators or whatever and she's like could you give me four pails and he goes sure and then he blows very slowly into an alligator and then he's like i'm gonna go take a shower and then he gets up and leaves he just leaves just leaves and so then he's like oh harry will take go take a shower.
And then he gets up and leaves. He just leaves.
Just leaves. And so then he's like, oh, Harry will take over for a second.
So then he just pawns it off onto Harry, you know? And Harry's like, well, what, like, I don't know, what am I supposed to even be doing? She's like, well, I've told him a million times. And every time I tell him, he's just like, eh, I mean, he said how many buckets? How many times do I have to tell him how many buckets? Four buckets.
Four simple buckets. Yeah.
And Harry's like, all agree. I agree.
I'll get it all under control. You can count on me.
So Harry goes and is now in charge of buckets. So Marina is trying to get some goss from Bree.
She's like, so how are you guys together? And Bree's like, well, you know, Harry's like, you know, I think about you as I lay in bed, you know, nice stuff, but I just want to know where his head's at. I mean, I think about you as I lay in bed could mean a lot of things, you know? I think about lots of stuff when I lie in bed.
The answers to crossword puzzles I'm never going to finish, you know? What are taxes? How do I pay pay those do horses ever talk to people so um harry asks alicia to cook some spaghetti for the fear factor buckets and she says yes so for everyone who's worried that there'd be no spaghetti it's happening and then um vian is like i lost my belt and then there's like, maybe it's in the laundry. I'll find it in five seconds.
Like, oh, please do. And Harry is like, he's saying, Harry's talking to them.
And he's like, look, I feel like I'm a one-man team at the moment. He's basically like, can you help me out? I'm courting spaghetti.
I'm finding buckets. All the really hard stuff.
Can you help me? What are you organizing organizing and so he tells her and lara's like we need to cover the pears with black bin liners with hole in the top they put the hands through they're disgusting it's like we should match up some bananas so they're getting a bunch of stuff in there cut to lara in like five years just in the corner of a room on a rocking chair being like full buckets trash can over the top full buckets trash cans over the top she's like how many times she has to tell people this so many times that she's just gonna have she's just gonna crack so um serena is cooking with elisa you know as it goes and then johnny comes in and they're you know she's she's kind of flirting with him. And he's like, how was your day? You seem happy.
She goes, I am happy. And he's like, you're so cute.
Let me kiss your hand. I'm going to take care of you one day.
If there is ever a rock you lean on and you are not leaning on it, I will remind you, lean on the rock. And it would be very creepy, except for the fact that she seems to enjoy it.
I mean, I do find that Johnny is very attractive. This is too much.
I think it's too much, especially in the galley when she's working. But you can see she's excited.
She literally tells us, she goes, the energy that Johnny is giving me is intense. I mean, it just gives you fanny flutters.
You know, just like little purrs, like, like, like, and I just like, it's just like a sexy Greek man. I mean, I love it.
Fanny flutters. It's a British thing.
Fanny flutters. Isn't your fanny, your butt, your butt starts fluttering? Not in Britain.
Fanny has a different... It's a different location in the same area if you're a lady, but it's not your butt, and it flutters.
Why would they rename a butt a vagina in America? I mean, why would they rename a vagina a butt? Is that what I said? I don't know. I'm'll just do that.
It's very confusing. You know what? It's just one of those weird things that happens across the pond.
You know, like when you go across the Atlantic Ocean, the vagina becomes the butt. The butt becomes the vagina.
It's just a weird thing. It is, like kilometers to miles I get, or centimeters to inches, whatever.
You know, that stuff I kind of get. But vagina to butt? I mean, good Lord.
You're going to make a lot of English people very uncomfortable when they travel here. And they're like, yeah, do me and my fanny.
They're like, ow, what the hell, bro? I don't, yeah. I learned this because Maura, do you remember Maura from On Love Island USA? Maura would do like the after show.
She's like, hi, I'm Maura. Hello, we're going to learn.
We're going to meet all the people who got kicked off. So when she was on Love Island, she kept on always saying like, oh, Curtis gives me Fanny Flutters.
So it's kind of a thing. It's kind of a thing that I like to say because of Maura.
But anyway, the point of the story. Fanny Flutters in America are not good.
That means you probably had some bad food and you're about to go poop for a few days. I know.
She's like, oh, wow. What a handsome Greek man.
Gives me diarrhea. That's really hot in Britain.
That's a compliment. So, Alisa's like, yeah, you know, Fanny Flutters.
And if that comes in the form of a sexy Greek man, go on then, go on. Commercials, here comes one right now.
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Karma you can count on. so laura's like my vision for this evening is to gross these guests out as much as possible

just like Pollock did, just like, I'm too stupid to think of other artists today, but there you get it. Litchies, blueberries, red food coloring, cockroaches.
I don't know, maybe I'll put Vian in a thong again just for the fun bit. You know, I just want these guests to cringe.
So I'm setting up a camera. I'm going to watch them.
I'm going to have them all watch Harry flirt with Brie. So then Lara radios and says everyone is seated for dinner and everything.
And so she asks Adair and Marina to go clean clean cabins but because veon wants to flirt with the dare he goes down to the cabins and then johnny goes down the cabins too and they're all just like in the cabins cleaning and being silly and veon of course immediately starts fucking around with the dare and not really working so um marina's getting super pissed because like he's like oh this is called a turn down huh she's like, he's like, oh, this is

called a turndown, huh? And she's like, yeah,

it's a turndown. Took it right, okay?

And they're like,

hee hee hee hee. And then

so Johnny starts helping, and

he's like, oh my god, you guys,

have we heard what sound

Turtron makes when it is getting flittered

in its fanny? And they're like, no.

And he's like, it sounds like

this.

Let me watch. I've looked up

Thank you. makes when it is getting flittered in its fanny and they're like no and he's like it sounds like this oh let me watch i've looked up tortoise porn on iphone let us all gather around so they start listening to the sounds that turtles make and uh cracking up yeah this happened to me once i definitely once had an afternoon where i did look up a lot of like tortoises having sex and it is actually very funny and they play the sound over and over and over again like the post-production just adds in the sound like a for the rest of the scene they even go to commercial with the tortoise going so we cut back to the guests having dinner and this lady's like so my friend's from, and someone goes to nursing school? She goes, no, no, no, college.
Well, look, it took me 11 years to get my bachelor's degree. So yeah, that was still college.
And she goes, okay, so you were partying in college. She goes, well, I mean, I went to four different colleges.
Yeah, it took a while. But guess what? I have my doctorate now.
So, got it yesterday. 72.
I'm a little proud of myself. Yeah, I'm wondering what the doctorate is in.
Doctorate's in partying, not going to lie. So, everyone is downstairs and they're goofing off.
They're laughing to the tortoise sounds. They're just like a bunch of teenagers, right? And they need to be doing service.
And Harry is kind of a brown noser. I mean, justifiably so.
He's dealing with an inept boss and they're all just slacking off and everything's on his shoulders. So he's fed up.
But he's like, every single decade is in the interior. And Lara's like, are they actually cleaning or are they just pissing around because I need help bringing these hot dogs in the shape of severed fingers up to the guests.
And she's like, yeah, well, I think there's a lot of pissing around. So Marina's losing her mind because she's trying to clean, but they're all like being silly.
And she's kind of like, I don't want to be, I don't want to be in housekeeping on this trip. And this is even worse.
So yeah, if I hear one more turtle sex noise, I promise to God, I'll whoop your ass down to the crew mess. I mean, poor Marina.
She's like, oh my God, I'm the only one on this boat not getting laid. Even the turtles are getting laid.
What the hell? So then Laura presents the main meal, which is roast chicken, garlic prawns, carrot and butternut puree, and tender stem broccoli with a Parmesan crisp. Shockingly, not a soup served with a don't get it either let's just roll with it let's roll with it just enjoy the proper utensils while you have them so then harry and brie um are flirting and harry's like you look nice and pretty she's like thanks i missed you i miss you too what does it mean what does it mean You know, it does it mean? You know, what Bree and I have is something special.
And like we have chemistry and we have sparks and to think that I'm dating a model. I mean, I almost messed it up to think that this fizzled out, almost fizzled out before it even got started and not even with a regular person, but a model.
Yeah, it's like I would feel so sad if our relationship fizzled before it even got started and not even with a regular person but a model yeah he's like i would feel so sad if our relationship fizzled before it even started i've got to come up with something extremely sexy to do extremely sexy so let's see what he comes up with so then a guest is asking jason about the bahamas and she's like well there have been a lot of sharks shark in the Bahamas, and he's like, there's a chance of getting killed by a coconut about

50, 150 times more than getting killed by a shark, ladies.

Turns out that around these parts, coconuts

have a right to carry a concealed weapon, so it's very dangerous.

Do you think it's because more people have a chance of standing under a

coconut tree than they do of being around a shark? Probably. I don't know.
Maybe that's going to be what happens on the White Lotus. Violent coconuts.
Well, I just wonder who comes up with these things. Like the shark commission.
Like there's a commission of sharks. Like, oh, really? They're saying we're dangerous're dangerous well it's more dangerous to get killed by a coconut tell them that but tell them to put that in their private smoke it with their opposable thumbs yeah this is definitely a piece this is definitely a some a study that was put out by like the shark lobby okay because this is yeah i'm gonna say right now i think more sharks kill maybe people have coconut allergies does that count oh that's true i don't know but i think that's not fair because you're actively on top of your head yeah because i feel like if you die from a coconut allergy then you're like actively doing something to the coconut as opposed to coconut doing something to you you know because you're eating the coconut it's fighting back yeah exactly yeah i just don't know who comes up with this shit.
They're like, you know what, they're calling sharks dangerous? Well, butterflies can change the future. I mean, if you step on a butterfly, that can change the outcome of everybody else's life.
Go tell them that. Go tell them that if they step on one butterfly, it can change someone's entire trajectory.
And then we've got all of these huge things just because sharks don't want to be called weeb. I just want to say there is an entire Wikipedia page called Death by Coconut.
It says coconuts falling from their trees and striking individuals can cause serious injury to the back, the neck, the shoulders, the head, and the crack, and it can occasionally be fatal. Following a 1984 study on injuries due to falling coconuts, exaggerated claims spread concerning the number of deaths by falling coconuts.
Falling coconuts, according to urban legend, kill a few people a year. The legend gained momentum in the 2002 work of a noted expert on shark attacks was characterized as saying that falling coconuts kill 150 people each year worldwide.

The statistic has often been contrasted with the number of shark-caused deaths per year, which is around five. And concern about the risk of fatality due to falling coconuts led officials in Queensland, Australia to remove coconut trees from beaches in 2002, and one newspaper dubbed coconuts that kill her fruit.
Wow. Well, that's the news.
Yeah. Well, teenagers also die from sniffing whiteout.
Okay. Mm-hmm.
I just looked that up. Because I was like, what else is really dangerous that we're not talking about? Whiteout.
Which we're all still using every day in this day and age. So basically, Harry's like, yeah, it's been hot today.
They're making small talk. He's making small talk with Serena.
And he's like, you know, there are a few things that can be approved on probably with Vian, because Harry is a tattletale, you know? And if I didn't hate Harry, I would probably, I mean, I don't hate Harry. If I didn't hate Vian, I would would kind of be anti-Harry because he really is a snitch.
And we all know what happens. They get snitches.
They get coconuts. They get snitches after sharks throw coconuts at them and they die.
Yes. Okay.
Mm-hmm. Yep.
That's exactly right. Because when you tattle on a coconut to a shark, who's going to get hurt? You.
So, yeah. Now, Harry's been a tattletale this entire season, but he's been tattling for the greater good recently.
So we're going to let it pass. So he's saying that communication is really bad.
There's no schedule and he just wants, you know, and you know, like beyond needs to be more of a boss, et cetera. And so now they've got all these plates to go up for, uh, for dessert, like a lot of plates.
And they've got almost every plate, except they need one more person. And so Lara's like, hello, hello, Adair, Adair, Adair, I need Adair.
Because don't forget, Adair is a deck stew, and she's supposed to go back and forth. But Vian keeps acting like she's like a deckie primarily, who he leases to the interior for like five minutes every night.
Like they get to have her but like they're supposed to equally have adair but he really takes like he he sort of he's always the one to say oh you don't have to do that or you can just go to bed and laura needs her and so now she's adair is with veon and they're distracted they're goofing off somewhere and the entire everyone else is standing up there in the galley waiting for a dare because they can't bring the dessert out.

Right.

So they keep radioing them, but they're fucking around instead of listening to the radios.

And it's getting very dramatic and below deck.

Harry's like, come on, any crew, any crew, we're dying here.

We have plates to carry.

I have a family to raise one day with Bree. She's like, oh, my my god he said he wants to raise a family with me what does it mean and then you know vianna and adair are talking about pedicures and he's like i think i want to get to pedicure tomorrow and um finally like alicia just like darts to her room and puts on her blacks so that way she could bring it up and then then they finallyair and Vianz were like, sort of like sauntering in like, oh, did you do any hope? They're like, well, finally you're here, but it's too late.
We already got it figured out. Like that sneer.
Like fucking idiots. He's like, we were just finishing cabins, mate.
I had to dry showers and shit. you think that's easy while discussing pedicures come on man and uh laura's like oh yeah i bet you did a lot of work and he's like okay but adair are you going to bed and laura's like uh no can adair do her job please that would be great she goes yeah i'll do this and then i'll go to bed listen yeah listen miss.
You better get your ass to work. I know.
Thanks for doing us the honor of gracing us with your presence during your job. Thank you so much.
So then Vian goes to get a hug from Zarina afterwards. And she's like, don't touch me.
You fucked up. Really fucked up, Joe.
And he's like, are you sassy, Harry? Sassy Laura? What did I do wrong? He's like, doesn't matter. You know, it's just like everything today.
A lot of communication stuff. I feel like there's just been pressure from your side, putting it on the interior and they're really stepping up, both on your side and it's just getting really mixed up.
And then I just feel like in the galley, I'm just left there. I don't understand why people cannot communicate.
Because she's complaining about communication, but what she's communicating also needs work. Because she's like, you know, I just feel like you're kind of putting pressure on the interior, and now they're slipping up.
No, say you're fucking flirting on the job, and you're going down there where she's supposed to be working. Nothing's getting done.
You guys aren't on your radios. We needed people up here.
My fucking sous chef had to get on a different outfit to do your job because you were fucking around off your radio like why why isn't it ever specific it's just like random you're putting pressure on interior i don't know what that means and he doesn't communication needs work yeah like just stop being fucking lazy yeah they need to specify what he's doing wrong because i feel like every time they tell him it's just like well you know your staff is fucking up no you're fucking up you're not doing anything right you're fucking flirting instead of doing your goddamn job and you're making that girl flirt instead of doing her goddamn job and you don't have your radios on but it's not it's always like some weird like you're putting pressure on your staff and it's also from laura and he's like what what does that mean i'm putting pressure on and so laura takes dessert up and um they have dehydrated strawberry dust which how no one didn't snort that up is beyond me i mean yeah fear factor starts early so then um afterwards after serving this dessert the the deckies are sitting in like the little booth in the crew mess and harry's like did you not hear the calls? It was like anyone that was like trying to get people to come. I couldn't find anyone.
And Vian's like, why is she angry with me though? I mean, Serena, like how am I putting pressure on the interior? And he's like, well, I'm confused at the time. Like, you know what? I don't even know what time I'm supposed to go down tonight.
I don't even know what time I'm supposed to go to sleep. You know, Bree got excited when he said, what time am I supposed to go down tonight? She's like finally a sign oh never mind he's talking about going to bed so vian is like he's like well this is actually going to make me angry because like when he was on lights on nights there was like no problem you know when when johnny was on nights no problem at all but you know but like everyone knew what they had to do like going to bed nothing not zero complaints but now that you're on nights there's like wake up there's a complaint and is it laura that's complaining about someone not being there eight in the mornings or two comments is it you he's like trying to turn it around like this is harry's fault yeah he's like yeah when johnny goes and works tonight nobody nobody complains about anything and there's like wait a minute what am i doing he goes well i don't know but every now i wait now i wake up and there's a complaint so if it's not laura complaining about not someone and then it's eight eight in the morning.
Like you can't do cabins. And he's like, what? You're not making sense.
And he's like, but I just, Harry's like, just tell me what to do. Just give me like a specific list of what you want me to do.
And he's like, it's not rock, it's science. Come on guys, you know, like just come down at one, come back at nine.
It's got nothing to do with the list. And's like well i know how it works i'm not dumb or i just want clear communication i want the schedule saying this is the what the night person does this is the hours they do this is what the morning person does this is it maybe you should write it down and it there's like i like things in writing so beyond's like oh you know people are really just pissing me Okay.
So then he goes and he like writes down a schedule on the whiteboard, which is what he should have done all along. And he's acting like he's definitely doing that thing where Harry's like, I just would love it if you could write down a list.
He's like, no, I'm not going to do what you say. I'm the one around here.
So guess what I'm going to do? I'm going to write it down in a list. It's like, yeah, that's what he was asking for.
So then everyone's in a bad mood right now. So Alicia comes in and she's like, so is this a bad time to ask if anyone wants to try cream for the cheesecake? And they're like, fuck no.
When is it a bad time to eat cheesecake cream? Get in here. And then Vian is like, all right, everyone, look.
Trash, towels, drinks, sun deck. R the sod when possible.
It's that simple. It's like, yeah, so then why have you not written this down? Because they clearly need to know what to do.
And in fact, it was like two weeks ago when Laura was like, do you have a list where you write down like a checklist of doing things like cleaning, cleaning broken glass that's lying at the bottom of a table, things like that. He's like, no.
And he made Harry come up with all this stuff because he didn't know how to make a list, remember? Yeah. So Harry's like, well, don't get angry with me.
And he's like, I'm not getting angry. I'm just saying.
So then Serena is telling Laura and Bree that she snapped at Vian, you know, and she's like, I mean, joke around when you're done with your job. I mean, I'm a feisty bitch today.
So Jason tells them, you've got some fun coming up.

And Laura says, you know, there's going to be an eating challenge,

a sensory challenge.

It's jungle.

It's wild.

It's adrenaline.

It's art.

It's art.

So Harry's annoyed.

So he's muttering to himself.

He's like, for fuck's sake.

And Jason hears it.

He's like, hey, normally you're all happy and, you know, swinging your limbs around. What's everything all right? He's like, yeah's sake and jason hears it he's like hey normally you're all happy and you know swinging your limbs around what's everything all right he's like yeah yeah no yeah yeah it's good which is that thing you do when you want to be on the record for saying that you didn't immediately tattle but you want to you're basically saying i was pressured ask me again and i'll tattle yeah he's like why don't you come into my once you come into the bridge mate i'll put on a kimono.
I'll put on my feeling kimono. And he can express your feelings.
Now, when you tell me your feelings, here's the little megaphone, so that way everyone in the hallway can hear you. Got it.
Okay, right. He's like, you know, it's just, you know, you know, it's the scheduling's all over the place.
Like, even tonight, like, last year we had a grid up here, a breakdown, things there, and like, that'll probably be a good idea this time around. And basically, Vian is in the hallway, and he overhears Harry, and he's like, listening in.
And this is kind of sucky, too, because now, like, Jason has pulled Harry to the side, but didn't, like, I don't feel like Jason protected Harry by closing that door. And so now Harry's gonna get in trouble with his boss.
Yeah, so he hears that he's being tattled on. And then David's like, What are you doing, spying? Come on! He's like, No, I'm not spying.
I'm just getting things for my book. So then Harry just basically says, You know, there's a lot of negativity and it's bringing everybody down.
Now Jason, even though Jason's kind of making Harry tell him, Jason hates this shit. Like he does not want to to get into inter-staff stuff.
He just wants to, like, work on kimono designs, you know? Kimonos and skidding. It's like, negativity from who? And he's like, well, Vion says something, then Johnny follows it, and then I follow that.
You know, it goes through a chain. And he goes, well, then what you need to do is get positive.
But Harry's always positive. That's not the problem with the positive person.
It's the problem with the negative person. And the thing is this.
Jason knows that Harry's always positive. Harry's always happy-go-lucky and like, oh, oh, oh, I just put an anchor down.
And the fact that Harry is moving around and seems upset, Jason knows something has fucked up. Something has gone wrong in the department.
Yeah, so Vian's like, oh my god, what the fuck is going on? Like, what are you even saying? Loyalty is extremely important to me, and I don't really know if I can trust this guy anymore. So, now it's eating contest time.
It's the fear factor moment. Yeah, so they try all these things, like the eyeballs, the hippo eyeballs, that are just, like, lychees with, likeeches with like something in them like blackberries or something and or blueberry and then the fingers whatever they eat their bat but veon is still moping around he's like it's actually upsetting me bro like that's one person on this boat that's like fucking all this like there's no communication like i don't know how many times i need to sit down with this girl like now i'm putting pressure on them like what so is he angry at Lara now, or is he angry at Harry? He's angry at everybody, because everybody, he feels like everybody's talking about him, and he's not doing anything wrong, so now it's just this big ball of mess where everybody's trying to make him look bad.
You know, he's one of those. It's like if it's everybody on the boat, babe, maybe it's you, you know? But he's just gonna blame everybody else, because that's how he rolls.
So then he's he's like so Adair we can clean up all this crew mess stuff and she's like can I just sweep and be done and he's like no she goes yes and he's like uh uh and she goes okay I'm going to bed then so now there's more of the grabbing into the buckets full of buckets with the garbage. They're grabbing in stuff and like, oh my God, what is it? What the fuck is it? So then the next drama is Adair with Marina.
She goes, you know what? Like, you should be on service next time. Like, I'm never on service.
She goes, oh my God, I love service so much. I just want to be on service.
And Adair tells her she's being too nice about it. And she goes, well, maybe Lara has a better bond with Brie, you know, and she wants to be with Brie more.
Like, I don't know. I don't know.
But I've been so professional, very dedicated, and extremely sexy. And this is becoming embarrassing, you know? Like, after a while, you question yourself, what you're doing? Your story is on date night night so then Alicia is in the galley and Johnny is of course flirting with her and he's like right up on top of her basically and he's just like oh oh you got my heva thank you for getting the vac was like I'm ready to get married have children tell them how to lean up against the rock be a good husband everything maybe cheat on you but who knows we'll see i brought hoover just as husband would let us make baby she's like whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa so then harry asked laura if he could have a guest cabin so that he could set up a snuggle and she's like a fuck he's like no a sn are you kidding? That's like a 10-year anniversary type thing you're talking about.
Come on. Oh, well, I'm so glad you guys are finally going to get a little bit more physical.
Physical? No, I'm just, I want to buy, I bought a bag of snuggles and I want to put it on there. I know that little white bear is so cute, isn't it? I think that Brie will really like it.
I want to be able to lay on the bed with Brie and then have a partition between us so we have to judge each other based only on a certain personality trait. We're trying to make a lover's blind moment.
So, okay. So, Laura's giving some orders to people.
And Laura, people go to sleep, but Laura stays up and she decorates the crew mess to say happy birthday to Marina. Her birthday is the next day, as we mentioned.
And then Harry is up late working because, you know, it's Harry. And Leon, of course, is lazy.
So it's the next morning and everyone is waking up and Marina goes in and sees everything that says happy birthday and she feels so much better. She's like, oh my god, oh, I can't believe it.
I finally feel seen and loved. Oh, goodness.
I still want to be on service, though. Don't get it twisted.
Yeah, they all just start throwing dirty underwear at her head. I get these clean.
She's like, okay, that was short-lived. So, Vian is like, oh my god, I'm gonna have Harry doing, you know, look, I was mad at Terry yesterday.

You know, for fuck's sake,

bro, why are you making my job harder?

And Adair's like, do you want another

coffee? And he goes, yeah, of course.

Make me another one.

So she comes down to make a coffee, and

Jason's down there in the crew mess, and he's like,

uh, who are you making coffee for? And she's

like, me and beyond. And he's like,

you're on deck. And she goes, mm-hmm.
And he goes, uh-huh. And are you on break? And she goes, no.
And he goes, okay, so how can you have coffee when you're working? She's like, because I'm going to bring down my glass, okay? There's an empty glass. There needs to be some coffee in it, so I'm putting coffee in it.
What is confusing here? I think you guys are missing the point. Like, you're on deck, not break.
Yeah, but like, coffee like coffee will be on break but we're gonna go up there and be on deck but be with have a coffee with a break we're having coffee breaks on deck that counts as being on deck right if you have a cup break up on deck it's like it's not what it's net that's not what it's about that's why it's called the real world okay and laura's just there she's just cleaning a surface and shaking her head. She's like, it's not to retreat.

So,

yeah, so that's, Adair is so dumb.

And I love that Vian is talking about like,

ugh, Harry's not doing his job.

He's just making my life more difficult

and like actively sending

Adair to get coffee and not helping out on the deck

at the same time.

So he's complaining about Serena to Lara.

He's like, I mean, Serena came to me very angry

saying I'm putting a lot, she wasn't very angry

first of all, saying that I'm putting a lot of pressure on the interior. She goes, well, you know, sometimes there's not really much structure in the deck crew, you know? Like, they're running around doing their own thing.
And Adair in the crew mess, and Captain's sitting there while she's making coffee. I mean, it's 20 to 8, you know? Do you think someone that has been up for an hour working needs coffee and he's like probably not never mentioning that it's his coffee she was making because he's him that's right because you know he's like well someone needs to take control because that's your job you're in charge of that team they need to know i mean it's crazy that he says someone has to take control that point, dude.
You idiot. She's like, they need to know that there's repercussions if they haven't done it.
I mean, at the moment, they're just living the dream. This is super yacht.
It needs to be perfect. It's not.
He's like, Jesus Christ. I'm not lying.
I promise you, I ran up those stairs. I'm running up these stairs.
She goes, but this is going around in circles and circles. It's like, no, it's not.
She's telling you, get get your shit together you're embarrassing yeah it's going in circles because you don't change anything so she's like whatever just take me back to my own boat so now he goes to complain about laura so now it's everybody against fionn you know so he's like oh my god she says i have no structure i mean are we even working on the same boat and john d's like if they want drama let them drama we know drama we are dnd so people wake up and they're gonna go they have to get up there for breakfast and everything and then it's time for anchors because they're gonna drop off everyone and um johnny is johnny goes up to the captain and he's like excuse me captain jason i just want to ask for permission today. After drop-off, may I take Alicia to vacuum store so I can show her all the hoovers? Yeah, sure.
I would like date night with Alicia. We are visiting wedding chapel and birthing home.
All right, well, that's romantic. Would you like a kimono so adair is like captain captain adair okay i'm off on the tender headed to the marina and he's like all right great great to hear that hope that you can find some coffee out there so um then um johnny comes into the gut into the galley and he's like oh you had to flirt with my sous chef I mean, how many vacuum cleaners can you bring in here? We've got six already.
Running out of room to cook my soups for forks. You must ask about our marriage.
It is hierarchy. You need to ask.
And she's like, okay, hierarchy. Boss lady, can I go with this semi-hot person to eat things? And she's like, oh my god, I have so much power right now, let me think about it.
Better you than me! Do you mind wearing goggles on your head that will camera all of this back to me, just so I can live vicariously as you're fed by a man? Johnny VR. So then, now it's time to docking, docking, docking, docking, docking, docking, docking, and they dock the guest lead, the lady, the primary, she has a whole speech.
I have to say she really nailed her speech. She was like, I have to say this was one of the greatest days of all, of all time.
When we started this charter, we had three main goals. The first was to connect with old friends and connect with new ones.
Second was explore exotic lands and just goes on and on. But she does.
I was like, I'm exhausted. Do you have three? She has a lot of points to make but she she was like she clearly had practice and you know what good for her you're on tv way to nail it they leave and uh jason calls beyond to the bridge and um uh meanwhile while he's going up there harry's asking johnny how he's feeling johnny is just exhausted and harry's like, well, I don't like all the negativity on deck team.
It's not helping me work, period, if the leaders are like that. The whole team's like that.
Like, yeah, but you're being negative right now, Harry. Yeah, Harry is kind of causing a lot of the negativity because he's running around tattletaling on everybody.
And that's not to say Veehan doesn't suck. Obviously, Veehan sucks.
But Harry's not really helping the vibe, you know. So, Jason sits them all down for tip meeting.
And he's like, all right, sharpen your team up. All right.
Like, I caught a deer down there getting you and her a coffee this morning. And that's the moment I need you to step up and say, no, we don't need coffee after 7 a.m.
All right. Do you understand? He's like, blink, blink.
Okay. It okay so not teaching your team the right way is not a leader at the moment i'm talking to you like a head of department but the next step is for me talking to you like a customer for a kimono a beautiful kimono would you like to touch it it's wonderful and he's like why didn't you go on the beach trip and he goes there were five already yeah but you were the one assigning people babe why are you acting like you have nothing to do with any of this? And Jason's like, well, it would have been nice for you to pencil that in.
All right. So you could see how it was done.
And nobody knew how it was done. You know, and I don't want to nitpick everything, but it's also come to my attention that you wear bath robes instead of kimonos.
I'm not going to stand for that. All right.
And there's negativity and there's moaning and you're moaning to everybody. You've got to stop it.
You know, I heard that because Harry moaned it to me. He only moaned it to me because you already started the moaning train.
Okay. So if it's not sorted out, I'll make changes.
And you know, you know, you're qualified to be here. So do your job.
But now you've got to be a good leader and actually lead. He's like, which I am.
Because Vian whines so much. Like, we can't emphasize how much he is whining during this episode he's like i'll do my best to be to lead the team better to help the interior as much as i can but it's not my fault he's like thank you very much so he never takes accountability is so annoying and uh jason's like well there's negativity and he goes well i'll do my best to lead the team better and help the interior.
And he's like, okay, then. So, then Vian to himself is like, I don't have time for this bullshit.
As he walks off. So, oh, that was before tip meeting.
Sorry. Yeah, it was just like a private meeting.
Yeah. So, it was a private meeting.
So, then it was a private answers. So, then Jason has a tip meeting and he says, oh oh it's good but you know communication is a problem as we all know this vague thing is happening about communication so improve it even though i'm not going to give specifics about what needs to be improved so he gives the um he gives the helmet to marina and he's like there's i can't give it to her for being a bad worker because she's great at working and it's her birthday so let me give her the helmet so she gets the helmet and she's not happy about it i need a consistent helmet award where the helmet is given to the person who up that's it you can't be like this is the worst thing and you just have to get over it and wear it but then be like but also you're the best worker and it's your birthday so you have to wear it it.
What the fuck? It's not fair. I know.
So she gets it and Jason's like, all right. Now I want the heads of department to stay back.
Okay. Now each of you stand there.
How tall are you? I need to know what size kimono I'm going to give you all. Each of you is getting a complimentary one.
I want you to wear it on charter and really try to sell it on the guests. Thank you so much for your participation in this.
He's like, now listen, when you see Dick Hens standing around or in the crew mess getting another coffee, it's getting to me. It's getting to me.
And Vian's like, yeah. And he's like, okay, so you guys have a chat.
I'm not going to lead this at all. While I'm talking about leadership, you guys figure it out.
Goodbye. So he leaves.
And I was like, come on, man. I think that this is, I think it's a point

where he should be in the meeting with the heads of department. I think so.
Obviously, the problem

is their communication. How do you know how bad it is if you're not sitting there in them,

in there, listening to their communication? Sit in there. Exactly.
So Zarina starts it off and

she's like saying she needs more support. She wanted more information about the picnic.
She

didn't know simple things like the walk from the catamaran to the car and how the

car was going to be set up. She would have packed things differently.

It would have made her life easier. And he's like,

but I couldn't say to you, hey, this is how it's going to

go because I've never been there. I'm like, well, why didn't

you go? Why didn't you scout it out?

Why didn't you do some Googling? Why didn't you do some

basic research? And Lara's like,

he's like, but that's the thing with last night.

I felt like I came to you and I said, could you

please take control of the game thing? I mean, how many times do I i have to say four buckets with garbage bags on top it's that simple yeah and then there's service you know like what we're doing when we're going who's serving who and you know the deck team is having so much fun and i need the support from you to be like let's do this you know and he's like oh really well this is why i have confusion because like how much time do i allow someone to be in the interior i can't be everywhere and she's like have my back and he goes but i do and she's like no i don't think the deck team respects you and i don't think they do what you say and serena says you need discipline you know there's time for banter and fun he goes no this is not how i manage i prioritize sleep eat and you know listen we don't just make beds love letters love letters right in there he's like writing book because you know we're not just making beds i work with cranes jet skis yeah you're not even doing that right the the fucking chain was fucked up today while you were looking at pictures and you put out a leaky thing and could have killed

someone in two feet of water, sir.

He's like, I want you to go out there

and work for an hour. So it's like, well,

if that's so hard and being in the

interior is so easy, then it should be no sweat

off anyone's back to go help bring a plate upstairs.

So then Zarina's like,

you have an explanation for everything.

You've not once said, yeah, I fucked up. Not once.

And Lara goes,

oh,

just madness.

And yeah,

that's where it ends.

Another meeting where nothing gets,

gets accomplished because he's not listening to shit.

Yeah.

Jason needs to be there for this stuff.

That's crazy.

Yeah.

This guy's such a piece of shit.

Oh my God.

I hope he gets fired.

Truly.

Anyway,

well, it's just another blow deck and another shitty bosun.

That's the way it goes.

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Have you ever wondered how a circus performer could become the most powerful woman in the Byzantine Empire? Even the Royals is a podcast from Wondery that pulls back the curtain on royal families, from ancient empires to modern monarchs, to show you the darker side of what it means to be royalty. Before she ruled an empire, Theodora was a teen sensation in circus shows, featuring dancing bears burlesque performers, and blood-soaked chariot races.
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