#2989 McBee Dynasty S02E10: Wedding Crasher

Feeling better in your body shouldn't be a full-time job.

That's why HERS makes it easier to get started and stick with it, backed by expert-guided online care that puts your weight loss goals first.

HERS is transforming women's healthcare by providing access to affordable weight loss treatment plans.

They connect you with a medical provider who will work with you to determine the best treatment option for you.

This isn't cookie-cutter care that forgets you in the waiting room.

It's your health and goals put first with real medical providers making sure you get what you need to get results, all from the comfort of your couch.

So if you've been struggling with your weight loss journey, it's time you find the best option that works for you through HERS.

Whether you want to lose weight, grow thicker, fuller hair, or find relief for anxiety, HERS has you covered.

Visit forhers.com slash crapins to get a personalized, affordable plan that gets you.

That's F-O-R-H-E-R-S.com slash crap ins forhers.com slash crap-ins.

Weight loss by HERS is not available everywhere.

Compounded products are not approved or reviewed for safety, effectiveness, or quality by the FDA.

Prescription required.

See website for full details.

Important safety information and restrictions.

Actual price depends on product and plan purchased.

Audible's romance collection has something to satisfy every side of you.

When it comes to what romance you're into, you can't be pinned down unless you want to be.

Here's your invitation to have it all.

Fancy a dalliance with a Duke or perhaps a sexy billionaire.

Find a book boyfriend in the city and another on the hockey field.

Or, if nothing on this earth satisfies, you can always find love in another realm.

Hear modern rom-coms from authors like Lily Chu and Allie Hazelwood, the latest romanticy series from Sarah J.

Moss and Rebecca Yarrows and Regency favorites like Bridgerton and Outlander, plus all the really steamy stuff.

Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at audible.com slash crappins.

That's audible.com crappins.

You know that feeling when you come home late from work and those puppy dog eyes just pierce right through your soul?

Or when you're packing for a trip and your cat refuses to leave your suitcase?

Yeah, we've all been there.

Pet parent guilt is real.

And you know what?

It's completely normal.

That's exactly why Hill's pet nutrition exists.

They understand that being a pet parent means being human with all our imperfections and daily juggling acts.

Hill's science-led nutrition helps you give more love than humanly possible.

Whether it's those long work days or trying to balance attention between multiple pets, Hills Pet Nutrition gets it.

They've created science-based nutrition that supports your pet's lifelong health so you can feel confident even when life gets hectic.

Because you're only human, there's Hills.

Science does more.

Ready to let go of the guilt?

Find the right food at hillspet.com/slash crappins.

That's hillspet.com/slash crappins.

Well, hello, everybody, and welcome to What Crappins.

I'm Ronnie, and that's Ben over Yonder.

Hello, Ben.

Yonder.

Hi.

How are you?

Over yonder.

Yonder.

Previously, Ben was over yonder.

Today, he's still over yonder.

He's like a baby.

Like a baby to me.

God love you, man.

I'm a baby who went yonder and needs to be rescued with a combine.

Well, it was a really, really rough Monday night for me watching the man of my life, Jesse McBee, getting married to that hooker Allie.

Who doesn't deserve him?

Just kidding.

It was a rough Monday for me, too, because I also had to watch him getting married to Allie.

So that was rough.

It was rough.

This was a good day for you because the McBee is ending, but I'm going to miss those.

What?

I love this show.

I'm so sad that it's ending.

And if Bravo decided that this should be the series finale, not just the season finale, that would just break my heart.

Just break my heart.

No, this show will go on, sir.

This has got 10 years in it.

I guarantee you.

Everybody, welcome to the show.

That's how long this episode felt, by the way, watching the season finale.

Somehow, I've never seen a season finale for a show.

I've never seen a crazy Russian crash, a G-Wagon, and I still come away from an hour saying nothing happened.

Like, that's crazy.

All right, everybody.

If you want this on video, you can find it over on Patreon, Patreon in English.

That's also where you'll find our bonus episodes.

Last week was a three-hour recap of the Love Island Reunion.

That's weird crazy.

And this week will be a three-hour trailer trash of the Real Housewives of Potomac

trailer.

And by the way,

I have to say, congratulations to Karen Huger, who is reaching or has reached the end of her prison term.

Is she released today or next month?

Yeah, tomorrow.

She got out.

I just was looking at a picture of her driving by in her car waving at people on her way to the beauty salon.

Oh, God.

Welcome back, Karen.

I'm sure she's not very thrilled that they filmed an entire season without her.

She's like, why didn't you wait?

But

you know what?

It might just be worth it because that trailer, I have seen it and it is, it is, it is a good one.

It's a good one.

It's a good one.

Potomac is back.

It looks like the Potomac is back.

I'll watch it as we cover it probably tomorrow or the next day.

But we will be around doing that.

So check that out over on Patreon.

It's also where you get bonus.

I already said that.

Okay.

If you want videos, but you don't want to pay for Patreon, you get them a week later over on our YouTube.

Also, Mondays are a fun day for us because Monday nights, we do Amazon Live one week at 4 p.m.

Pacific.

We just did one last night or two nights ago.

It was super fun.

And on the Mondays, we're not doing that, we do Crappy Hour Live, which is at 5.30 Pacific.

That's for free on Patreon or YouTube.

Or you can find that on Instagram too.

Just go find links in the link in bio over at our Instagram, okay?

That's where you find it.

And today is the McAbee Dynasty Season 2 finale, wedding bells and jail sales.

It's been one hell of a ride this year.

I always thought of those McAbee boys as my adopted babies.

And now, one of them is having a baby.

Yeah, the big stupid one who looks like a baby is actually having a baby.

It's the craziest thing that ever happened ever since they invented a dribble door.

It looks like someone had a dribble door on their condom.

So anyway, and the other one, well, he got stuck in the mud.

And then we see scenes of Steven Jr.

and Cala fighting and fighting in the Ozarks.

And she's like,

Yeah, that's what no one likes her coming around.

Hopefully, she won't come around no more, Dribbledoor face.

And we're just seeing Allie's wedding finally here.

Who knows what'll happen?

The last few years have been drama beyond belief.

I can't even tell you.

You remember that time I brought root beer to somebody who asked for beer?

Oh, it ain't all bad.

It ain't all bad.

Near, far, wherever

you are.

Yeah, so if we're on a show that's known for its manufactured drama, get used to all sorts of drama happening on tonight's wedding.

Buckle up, everyone.

It's going to be an exciting ceremony.

So

inside the wedding venue,

12 hours earlier, something bad has happened.

We know something bad has happened, but we don't know what it is.

Yeah.

So the brides are popping champagne and doing that kind of stuff.

And Christy and Michelle, who is Allie's mom, go up and look at Allie in her dress.

And they're like, oh my God, you're in your dress.

This is so beautiful.

I just love standing up here and just looking at everything.

I mean, it's just so beautiful.

It's just so beautiful up here.

It is great.

I love it up here.

By the way, for those who are concerned, who are wondering where I was for the past six hours, I was in a tanning bed, which is why I am now the color of the.

Good Lord, woman.

Did you ask for the Trump special?

You are bright.

You are traffic cone orange.

Okay.

Has the tanning

community not caught up?

Like, has the tanning news not caught up over there in Gallatin?

Because it has progressed.

You look like a caution sign.

What is wrong with who did that to you?

I like my tanning the way I like my coffee.

Big and crazy and will shock America.

Good Lord.

I was expecting her to make a presidential order or something.

That was a lot.

I know.

Oh my God.

That was, she really, she really came in hot with that tan.

Tang.

We make these do things a little bit differently.

We do something, something old, something new, something borrowed, something orange so then outside

Jesse and the grooms men approach the venue and they're walking in slow-mo because

what what makes you more excited than watching Cole walking in slow-mo towards a venue?

Cole is already walking in slow-mo.

That's how Cole walks.

I mean when you put Cole in slow-mo, it's like like what

we don't have five hours.

Okay.

Listen, I've seen Cole walking in slow-mo before.

It's called the Climax of Ghostbusters.

Okay, we've seen it.

I've seen Cole walking in slow-mo before.

It's called Cole Walking.

Cole Man Walking.

Oh, goodness.

So

what time are we got to be ready?

1.30.

What time is it now?

12.38.

What do we do till then?

Drink beers.

The existential question of our time.

I love Cole just to be able to do it.

What do we do out time?

Cole.

This guy was a quarterback, and he's like, what do we do with 52 minutes?

Oh my geez.

So then they start shotgunning beers and then Jesse's like all nervous.

They're, they,

I can't.

So they're like, what does shotgunning a beer do?

I should know this being a Texan, but I just have never understood it.

It just looks like people ruining perfectly good can technology to get shit all over themselves and smell like bar rot the rest of the day.

I mean, does it get you drunker faster or something?

No, I don't think it's that.

I think it's sort of like a gamification.

I haven't shocked on too many beers because I think it's actually pretty stupid.

Like, why not just chug it?

Like a real man.

But I think the idea is that like, because since you shake it up and you put the hole into the thing, I think the thing is like it comes out so fast.

It's like, it's like you have to drink this because if you don't, you're going to make a mess.

It's like a challenge.

Like, you better drink this all because if you don't, you're going to be the dribble door with all that beer on your chest, you know, because you're stupid because you didn't drink it really fast.

But I'm like, just put it all in a glass and just chug chug it you know yeah don't be stupid so steven's like hey jesse why are you popping another beer already and he's like because i'm getting fucking married that's why and it's not to ronnie

so

so he goes to another room and he's just like gotta write my vows now

dear allie when you first told me to build an octagon i thought wow we're gonna finally do it we're gonna join the ufc and then he said No, it's gonna go up vertically and it's gonna be behind us when we got married.

I thought, that's what I love about you.

You always think outside the box.

And then you said, I'm seeing what you're writing, and I'd like it to be a hexagon, not a box.

Anyway, I love you so much.

Hey, be quiet over there.

You're about stupid.

Okay, we're shot cutting beers.

Here's Jesse's vows: Did not make preen up.

You're welcome.

Here's Jesse's vows.

What more do you want from me?

What do you think about the fact that I had an anxiety attack in a combine and then I jerked off afterwards?

Nothing?

Okay.

Well, I do.

I do too.

So

Jesse is in his writing room, which is hilarious.

Why don't we get to hear the vows?

Did we?

And I just forgot?

I want to hear them.

I vow.

That was my vow.

My vow was block this out as quickly as possible.

To hear what those vows are because we don't hear much out of Jesse.

So

the groomsmen's groomsmen's.

The groomsmen are fucking around and drinking and stuff.

And Cole's like, I think it's funny that the shyest guy here has to stand up and dance in front of 250 people.

I think that is Jesse's worst nightmare.

It's his version of having a female in this family without a prenup.

I think it's funny that.

250 people have to watch the only guy in this cast who looks like a grown booger dance on the dance floor.

floor and that'd be you cole

so jesse's like jesse's like he's like i can hear you guys talking ha ha ha ha ha

so then um now we see casey and she's getting her she's getting her glam done

and then she's like cole why am i seated next to your dad to make sure you don't say stupid stuff all right cole

And then the men are getting dressed.

So they get into the groom's men.

At first I thought like, uh like oh uh i guess i guess it's hot so they're gonna wait to put on their blazers they were all they're wearing like all white and like suspenders and then cowboy hats but no blazers which is really not a good look first of all it's like very clockwork orange it's like dumbwork orange for them and then on top of that like the blazers are flattering blazers would actually Like this is not a good look for people, you know?

Like, you want to actually have the blazer to help out the, you know, like

it makes you look handsome i think and they're all just it just they're all just standing there with their suspenders on and i was like who designed who made this look who said this should be the look for the groomsmen they don't have to look handsome because look there's only a limited population in gallatin we found that out when stephen was like i can't date there's only one woman in gallatin who am i going to date i have to travel at least 700 miles to find a date so yeah they're not they don't care they don't have to make no effort

They just needed some canes and they would definitely be like some like 1968 Stanley Kubrick vision, that's for sure.

Yeah.

And Cole's like, well, this is my time to talk because Jesse Nelly won't let me get up and talk during the wedding.

They told Jake and I, they say, we can't have the mic during the wedding.

You know why?

Because we had the thing worked out.

I was going to say, Jake, what time's the wedding?

And then he was going to say, 1.30.

And I was going to say, what time is it now?

And he was going to say, 12.38.

Then I was going to kick the shit out of a hill.

I was going to kick the shit out of a hill.

There's a hill that's 15 minutes yonder.

And I thought, well, I have just enough time to drive over to it, punch it, then drive back.

And then I can cry and say, I'm really tough.

So they all do a toast to Jesse.

And

they're asking Stephen if he has a date.

And he's like, oh, yeah, Cala's coming.

She's coming.

I'm sure of it.

Cala will be here any minute.

Any second.

Calla is going to walk through those doors.

Yeah, Cala's definitely going to come, you know, because like Cal and I had a really good week.

I love,

I love that they're like, like, it's like, okay, we had like five or six days that were good.

So

I think it's going to work out now.

She didn't come to the wedding.

He's like, and I honestly miss her, you know, because with wedding, love is in the air.

And maybe this will be a last-ditch effort for us getting back together.

Okay.

Unfortunately, our last date was actually in a ditch.

So this would actually be the second, truly the second to last ditch effort.

That was a ditch effort.

We agreed.

It'll be no drama.

She has a relationship with Casey and Allie, and that'll be different.

You know, she wants to support the people that didn't call her when her sister died.

And Casey's like, what?

Cal is coming?

Why?

Like, oh, gosh.

Does mom know she's coming?

She's like, oh, no, mama doesn't know.

So then

Casey comes in.

She's like, I don't know about this.

That's what she says about a lot of things slowly falls over just like a tree being chopped down very slow she's just like i don't know about

this is also what she said last week when they tried to change the logo for cracker barrel so then um

i don't know about this

i'm taking this to social

Cancel culture, stupid, unless it applies to Cracker Barrel.

Change the logo back.

What was offensive about the cracker?

I mean, I saw headlines, but I didn't read them because, I mean, it's the cracker barrel, you know?

I mean, isn't the name offensive enough?

What was in the logo that was so offensive or that people wanted to keep?

Well, I guess people really like the old man in the barrel,

which I get, you know, but like, if you really look at the cracker barrel logo, it's a messy ass logo.

It's like not a very good logo.

Let's be honest.

Let's be honest.

It's not well that.

It's not 100%.

It's not a good logo, but people like the guy sitting there.

And I kind of get that.

He's like a mascot.

And then the new one is just sort of like very corporate, but it's much cleaner.

I don't care.

I don't.

Oh, so it's like literally a cracker next to a barrel.

And that's what they wanted to keep.

This store is about celebrating crackers.

We will keep the cracker next to the barrel.

That's interesting.

You know, I've been to Cracker Barrel many, many times, as you can imagine.

I love the Cracker Barrel.

And I never noticed that it was an old man sitting next to a barrel.

It's just always so blurry.

I can never tell what the fuck it is up there.

You know, sometimes when I go by the cracker barrel and I look at their logo, I was like, wait a second, was that Christy?

Was that Christy McBee?

Now, I got a barrel full of crackers, but otherwise, no, that ain't me.

So now

we can.

She is literally, she's like, give me a cracker barrel orange, please.

Candy corn barrel.

Okay, if that was my restaurant, it'd be called

candy corn barrel.

So they're in the bridal suite.

Allie is in her dress, getting her glam,

which, you know, in gallatin just means someone putting the comb through her hair.

And she's standing a ribbon.

She's like, I'm ready for my glam.

Okay, we put the ribbon in your hair and you're all set.

Combing her horse's tail or whatever.

Her glam squad is like literally like, it's like the police department.

It's literally a squad car that shows up and puts a ribbon in her hair.

Like, well, well, little lady, you're all set.

You're ready to go.

Sending you out into the world, little lady.

God, this town hates us.

So the moms come in and they start crying and stuff.

And Michelle, her mom, is like, oh my God, you're so beautiful.

Honey, Christy, what about you?

And it's like, whoa, Christy, Jesus Christ.

Could you tone down the orange, Christy?

They're like, wow, wow.

wow who got me this nice citrus this citrus delivery oh it's christy sorry so

i'm not gonna do it i'm not gonna cry i'm not gonna cry you look just perfect is that a ribbon in your hair god that's good what you get for your glam that's good wow you really went all out with your glam i see that ribbon you got there it's real nice

She does look really pretty, though.

We're just being bitches.

It's time for a commercial.

It's time for a crappin' come.

The other day, I ordered from Wayfair this really cool little side table for here in this office.

So that way, if I ever needed my laptop, I could put my laptop on it right next to my desk setup, which was really cool.

But what I've since found is that this cute little table works really well as almost like a TV table.

I can bring it upstairs, I can put a drink on it while I watch TV, or if I'm watching a game, because you know, I am a sports gay, I enjoy my football, I can have my little snacks right there while I recline on the sofa.

I just love my cute little table.

I really do.

Yeah, and when you think of game day, you might not think Wayfair, but you should, because Wayfair is the best kept secret for incredible and affordable game day finds.

Yeah, Ronnie, you're totally right.

For instance, like aside from my cute, adorable little table, there's like plenty of outdoor telegraphing things like coolers and grills and folding chairs and patio heaters, things like that.

Recliners, TV stands, coffee tables, entertainment centers, serveware, bakeware, entertainment cookware, like slow cookers.

They've got everything that you need for game day.

Wayfair is your trusted destination for all things game day, from coolers and grills to recliners and slow cookers.

Shop, save, and score

today at Wayfair.com.

That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com.

Wayfair, every style, every home.

As a small business owner, you know that change is the name of the game.

Operational costs, labor markets, tariffs.

Wouldn't it be nice if something stayed the same?

How about your business internet rate?

Get reliable, secure 5G business internet from T-Mobile for Business for $40 a month with a five-year price guarantee when paired with a voice line.

That's stability you need from the partner you can depend on.

Switch now at t-mobile.com slash BI.

Plus taxes and fees, guarantee exclusions like taxes and fees apply.

See exclusions and details at t-mobile.com.

Commercial.

We go to the entrance and there's a security guy there named Mackie.

And so Stephen, which I, yeah, so Stephen goes up and he's like, hey, Mackie, I want to show you some photos, okay?

Because I know that you're really big into ball gowns.

I Googled you.

He's like, what?

Yeah, you know, you make ball gowns for celebrities.

That's Bob Mackey, sir.

Right, right, right.

I thought you might be a little light and loafers to run this whole thing, but glad to hear it.

Glad to hear it.

Okay.

So I want to show you some photos.

We've got two people on our no-fly list, but one of them is loud.

She wasn't allowed, but now she is loud.

Okay.

Now, the problem is they're both Russian, okay, and they're both blonde, okay.

So they both have blue eyes, it's going to be very, very confusing.

Okay, white Russians all look the same, as we all know.

Mackie is like, Yeah, I

can see they look like two different people.

He's like, No, but I just want to, I just want to, I just want to say one thing to you, Mackie.

If I hold you down and I hold down a shift button, do you get bigger?

He's like, I'm not an actual Mac.

So do a lot of computer peripherals not work with you?

Not a Mackey.

I'm not a Mac.

Okay.

Okay.

Now let's check out the white chicks.

Okay.

This one is Galena.

She's good.

Okay.

She's crazy, but she's good.

If she looks at you and you feel like there are lasers boring into the back of your brain and you're not really sure if she's drunk and also you suspect that she might have been the one to vandalize your car, she's the one that we like.

Okay.

She's the one that can come in here.

This one.

He's like, okay.

This one's not good.

Don't they look exactly the same?

Actually, no, they look nothing alike.

They do.

They look exactly.

I can't even tell the difference.

Which one is this?

Here's a little trick that we like to use.

If one of them is walking in holding a chicken, that's Masha.

If one of them is walking in holding a knife to a chicken, that's Galena.

You follow?

Okay, that I can get.

That I can get.

Got it.

Got it.

So he's showing them the pictures and he's like, Okay, now it's going to be difficult because they both talk funny too.

They got Russian accents.

He's like, Okay.

And they'll both put up a fight.

Okay.

You got tasers?

Y'all got tasers?

You might need tasers.

Okay.

Now, there's another crazy blonde lady coming in named Calla.

Okay.

She's more of a flesh spot and I'm in love with her.

So shouldn't talk much, but you should try and make her talk just so you make she doesn't speak, make sure she doesn't speak like a rusky.

Okay, you got that?

He's like, now I'm, I am concerned.

I think we saw an escape convict get into your wedding.

What?

An escape convict?

What are you talking about?

It's just this orange blur that came through.

I thought it was a jumpsuit that was very concerning.

Oh, that's just my mom.

Don't worry about her.

That's my mom.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Orange is the new mom.

Okay.

That's my mom.

Just leave her alone.

We do have a future felon coming.

That's my father.

He's also allowed in.

Okay.

He's allowed.

He's allowed.

If he decides to talk to you and act like he's 23, that's my father.

He's trying to get inside your pants.

Okay.

He does that.

So now everybody's mingling.

And it's like a soap opera ending, you know?

It's like the big event at the end of the season, you know?

It's the wedding.

So everybody's there.

The whole cast is there.

Tess is walking around.

Some say love.

This is my blues version.

Some say love.

It is a lake.

I'm just changing it up.

changing it up i do this at a lot of weddings

all right everyone everyone and gathering i'm gonna let's shed a tear okay how do you talk to an angel

how do you talk to someone who looks like cole

how do you talk to my adapted babies

you talk to him like marriage

uh wow cole you look mighty handsome bud just kidding thanks mom

You look real nice, son.

Real, real nice.

Hey, Christy, you look real good, too.

So do they have a few of you set out for kids to practice their parallel parking in the parking lot?

Okay,

that was a good one.

That was a good one, Steve.

I'm not going to lie.

Being in the same room again as Steve gives me anxiety.

I get real flush.

You know, my cheeks turn red.

Although with this orange, I just look kind of like a...

Just sort of look like a tequila sunrise at the moment.

But anyway, I'm just...

I'm just, I'm real nervous.

Okay.

And, you know, it's been 30 years, right?

And, you know, it's just really difficult to see him again after, you know, it takes a lot of, a lot of, a lot of good memories come back, a lot of memories of me being like, hey, Steve, where are you going?

And him saying, shut up, woman, you don't get to know what I do.

And I say, okay, I'll make some macaroni for later.

God, those were the days.

Yeah, those were good ones.

So then we see a picture of Christy and Steve on their wedding day.

Can I just say, why did you ever marry Steve?

That is one of the people that really

aged to be more handsome than he was when he was younger.

I'm not sure.

Right.

He didn't.

Yeah, he was not very cute when he was younger.

He looks much cuter now.

He had big sunken eyes.

I mean, he really looked like Igor.

Like, I felt like he was going to assist in like assembling a Frankenstein.

He looked like a convict.

Yeah, he looked like a runaway convict, like, who hadn't been, you know, I don't know, nourished in a while.

I mean, he looked weird.

It looked odd.

So, you know, good for you.

Not everybody has a lot of people.

He has resting convicts.

Yeah.

Resting conviction.

He did age well.

Convict face.

Resting convict face.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, I think Steve Sr.

is handsome.

I think he's like a handsome dad.

Yeah, I think so.

Type, you know.

I think he's good looking.

Yeah.

Yeah, he definitely looked crazy.

But just to hear how Tessa talks, you know, because Tessa's like, oh, wow, you should have seen Daddy Stephen back in the day.

Holy guacamole.

You better pray to an avocado because that is some holy guacamole.

Let me tell you that.

That man was fine as a

fine as a hair on an old man's head.

That man was good looking.

Let's get cooking.

I would work for free back in those days.

I'd take those paychecks and I'd rip them right up and throw them in the air and say, who needs them?

I'm being paid with my eyeballs.

My eyeballs are paying me right now, stud.

It's like, damn,

we see a picture of him and he's like, it's like, yeah, it's like wrinkle-free ape pagoda.

so then we go

what a rude funny thing to say

well you know i love it just fault like i see it so then the guests arrive they're arriving off the bus everyone's arriving uncle jimmy's there aunt darla slutting it up with all the guests as usual funny

darla yes and darla's here my favorite yeah she even you know she brought her sex swing and everything for afterwards i was like darla inappropriate darla

why are you putting your keys in that that's not that's a vase like put your keys in the ball am i right

darla are you putting on stevie nicks did you why okay why are you wearing a teddy this is a wedding so um they they arrive and they say hi and tessa's there she's like hi little friend and then they go inside and uh casey's like um

they're security out front and steven's like yeah i showed them pictures of both masha and galena because guess what i am the most pessimistic person about people crashing this party and i will not allow it so casey's like oh good god he's gonna get a mix up because white russians all look the same don't they

already use that one already use that one sorry i thought it was funny

So she's like, where's Cala?

Did you tell her the wrong time or something?

And he's like, no, for sure she's coming.

I know she's coming.

She wouldn't just leave me alone.

Calla,

this is Steven right now.

And you are being the most pessimistic person when it comes to my family's wedding.

So now at this point, I was like, okay, she'll have her big entrance.

But then the wedding starts.

And I was like, oh.

And was Cala really not coming?

Do I actually have like a glimmer of care about this?

Do I, for the first time all season, when they've asked, is Cala going to come up?

And for the first time, I, it's not even that I cared about Cala coming.

It's just more like,

I don't know.

I felt like you should, I think it's an honor to be invited to like your landlord's wedding.

So like you should,

you should go.

Guys, I'm really sorry I have to leave, but I'm going to the lady who has my car lease.

Yeah, her son is getting married.

So

go.

Yeah, I think, I kind of feel like if you're, if you're asking this family to, to pay your rent, you should show up at the wedding.

Sorry.

Yeah, your rent and your car.

Damn.

So, Chris.

And then Dampa, at the wedding.

Yeah, make some drama.

Like, what the hell?

You've worked so hard to be on this show.

Now you're just going to ditch the season finale.

Calla, we deserve more.

But also, like, they had to, like, put out a place for you.

And, like, it's just like you have to pay if they have to pay for the food.

Look, they've got to pay for that that mutton okay so it's just really i thought it was just inconsiderate

those squirrels don't pay for themselves

so maybe she heard there'd be no bruschetta she's like well i'm excited because it's my cheat day so i'll be eating some bruschetta they're like well about that so jesse did not sign off on bruschetta take bruschetta so

well it's a mother seeing one of my sons officiating my other son's wedding while my other sons are standing up there it's a mother's dream It really is perfect.

Now I just think, which one of them is going to prison first?

You know, I mean, God,

it's great.

It's just so fun.

You know, seeing them, got my handsomest son.

He's getting married.

My other handsome son's the officiator.

My other son, just sort of standing there like a bottle of Elmer's glue.

And then the little one,

well, he's still young.

So I just am so proud.

So Allie starts

making her way down the aisle.

And Tess is like, baby, I didn't love you quite as often as I could have.

Um, why is she singing a breakup song?

Just roll with it, honey.

Just roll with it.

So she gets up to the front and she's like, um, Jesse, you didn't cry.

You were supposed to cry.

It's like, I tried, I tried to cry to you and you looked like you were going to leave me.

So I've had never to cry again.

Yeah, so now it's time for the ceremony to begin.

And Tess is like, watching Pretty Pretty Boy Get Married, I do get kind of choked up because it's not, it's that, it's that another chapter.

It's another, it's another milestone.

It's another, another yogurt they're going to have to buy in that family.

You know, we got to consider your lady now.

And it's just like a lot of things happening.

Oh, I got very emotional here.

You want to hear me cry?

This is how I cry.

I got dribbles coming out of my door.

Jesse, will you take Allie's hand and choose her alone to be your lawfully wedded wife?

Because we do not believe in polygamy in this family.

Do you understand me?

And Allie, do you solemnly swear to forfeit your 12% of our family farm?

You got allowed to have it.

You can't have it, Allie.

You cannot have it.

So Jesse's like, wow, we finally did it.

We are getting married.

I do.

Allie, will you take Jesse alone as your lawfully wedded husband to have him to hold, to love, and comfort him through all the good times and the bad, except the times when he's crying and talking about nervous breakdowns like a fucking pussy?

As long as you shall live, hopefully not in the city, because I don't want Jesse to be late for this work that Cole's always breaking combines at.

Yes or no?

Yes or no?

Do not be pessimistic.

She's like, having been together for 12 years, the anchor our relationship has been, has been the fact that we've grown together.

Now, now that we're getting married, we're stronger than we've ever been.

And nothing says a strong relationship than being in it for 12 years and saying, when the fuck are you going to marry me?

And then he does.

He does it for the cameras.

I'm just so happy.

By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you, I don't know, stupid people.

Stupid people who are going to own 12% of my company.

That's bullshit.

Jesse, you may keep the woman who just robbed this family of 12%.

By the power vested in me and my vest.

My vest has a lot of power in it.

You are now

husband and lady who's going to steal the farm.

Congratulations.

So they did it.

Wow, good old pretty boy wanting to make sure this was his forever, girl.

Took him dang near 12 years to figure it out, but I'm proud of him.

Allie's beautiful on the inside and the outside.

And there's no doubt that they're going to be together for a couple of years at least.

A couple of years, probably maybe a little bit more i don't know i'm guessing this one she'll probably cheat first because i mean jesse just don't have the gumption but

is that thing still on can we redo that i should probably not say all that okay what i'm trying to say is don't trust a city girl this people from the city are scary and they want to change all their rules and mitch their queer agendas Don't trust somebody with something in their house called a key or egg.

You know those things make coffee?

That's ridiculous.

Who makes coffee in a little robot pod?

Don't trust her.

But I'm so happy for Pretty Boar because Pretty Boar got Pretty Girl.

And I only wish that she could be here to enjoy her wedding, but unfortunately, she had to go off to a triathlon.

So

now it's the reception and guests are coming in, and Casey's changing her shoes.

Did you hear about the antenna wedding, by the way?

What is it?

Well, the ceremony was only okay, but I heard the reception was amazing.

Oh, my God.

Congratulations.

I just said something funnier than anything that happened on the McBee Dynasty this summer.

Oh, my God.

Why?

So

I'm sorry, Ronnie.

Sometimes you just got to throw in a dad joke.

Why?

Just to collect the palette.

So Steve takes casey's bag for her and chris is like are you kidding me the whole time we were married he never even carried a diaper bag now he's carrying a pink bag i mean what is happening

a grown man carrying a pink bag when how does a how does a male carry a pink bag that is what is happening it is in the world in the year of our lord 2024 a man carrying something pink i thought i'd never see live to see the day next time i get there's a wedding i guess i'll just have to tan myself pink just so i can be held for once

so outside they're taking photos and doing all that.

And

let's see, Tessa is holding a fruity mix drink and she's like, wow, well,

pretty weak, huh?

But

this drink is what we call a coal because it's weak, right?

I guess they're trying to make us pace ourselves.

Charging by the shot here, what kind of open bar is this?

Yeah, I heard that they actually batched these cocktails a few years ago.

That's why it's called a coal because it already peaked in another decade

hey you know what i'm gonna call this drink to the bartender that means uh give the quarter back hey

quarterback is this

10 cents

so stephen's like cala was planning on coming but she must have changed her mind last minute so i guess this is the final straw but i cannot imagine losing my best friend I'm going to cry.

Hold on, watch me.

Grown men can cry.

And I just got a hammer on it.

Okay, well, I tried it.

I tried it.

Please, please don't tell me that Cala is your best friend because I don't believe that for one second.

And then we cut to Cala.

Now she's having her liberation confessional.

She's like, this whole relationship has been a roller coaster ride, and I don't want to, I don't want any more of the drama.

I've been buried by this drama for way too long.

And I'm not going to the wedding.

Not going to the wedding was a hard decision because that's like a free meal and that's fancy and I could be on camera.

But it's time to end it and jump off the crazy train.

I'm done.

Am I on a roller coaster?

Am I on a train?

Who knows?

Maybe it's a train on a roller coaster.

What I do know is that there are tracks, not only just in my hair, but also on the thing that whatever I'm writing on is riding on.

I'm out of here.

Yeah, you could call or text and say you're not coming, you rude ass.

What the hell?

Rude.

No manners, Calla.

No manners, Calla.

No.

Calla, these guys truly suck.

We all agree with that, but it's not a zero-sum affair.

Them sucking does not make you better.

You suck too.

Goodbye.

No one cares that you're leaving.

Yeah, I mean, it's in your name.

The least you could have done was give them a colour.

Am I right?

Am I right?

You want a dad joke it up here?

I can play with the best of them.

In honor of Kayla leaving the show,

how can we be lovers if we can't be friends?

How come we start over when the fighting

rains?

So back at the wedding,

Cole's like,

so Steve, Cole's asking where Calla is and he finds out she's not coming.

He's like, well, Augusto, it's logistifies what you should do.

Party hard.

Party hard, brother.

And now they're like, where's Galena?

Where's Galena?

We hired the security guard.

He didn't even get to kick anybody out yet.

Yeah.

And this is truly the question that's on people's minds because they already showed us Galena what appears to be getting, crashing her car and getting a DUI.

So we're like, come on, let's get to the good stuff, right?

So then Steve...

This is the question I ask now when I watch any show on TV.

I don't even care what it is.

I can be watching like the secret lives of Mormon wives.

And my only question is, where's Galena?

Because this needs more Galena.

The show needs her.

Yeah, okay.

This is a woman who's willing to have kind of like a fake DUI.

She's trying to do the Bravo thing.

Okay.

Let's, come on, let's up the Galena.

So then he's like, wow, Galena was so excited about coming to the wedding.

Okay.

So he calls up Aaron.

Irina.

I was calling her Arina last week, but it's Arena spelled with an E.

And he's like, Arena!

Arena, where is everything?

Is everything okay?

Where is your mother?

She is the most pessimistic person about being on time to a wedding.

And she's like, No,

it was a car accident.

I don't know what happened.

So then Steven's like, oh, shit.

So now he's got to figure out what's going on.

Yeah.

And he's like, well, is she okay?

She is.

No, I mean, not if she got into this.

I mean, she's like seven minutes away from the video.

I I don't know what

it is.

God damn it.

You are being the most pessimistic person about your mother right now, Arena.

Pull it together.

So then the screen goes to black.

Producers left the wedding to find Kalina using her GPS location.

Be careful who you give access to your Facebook account.

Don't total it.

This is very exciting.

This is like when Laura Dern went to turn on the power in Jurassic Park.

It's like, she's got to go out there.

Got to see what's happening out there.

Don't get attacked.

So they go out there.

And then they find this G-Wagon.

This is totaled, looks terrible.

And Galena is there.

And there's police cars, etc.

And then the producer is like, we found her.

We found Galena.

He's like, okay, is she going?

Is she in an ambulance of some sort?

We're like, we don't know.

Are there any queers?

Yes.

Well, mainly me.

Okay, well, that's acceptable.

Okay.

Just let me know what happens.

We're not allowed to say that word in this town anymore, sir, but I did see one crossing the road with a pink bag.

Oh, that was just my father.

Okay,

towns are changing.

He's just trying to get used to prison already.

He's trying to get himself prepared for prison.

Okay.

So then we see body cam footage of how many cars is Galena going to fuck up?

Like, how many luxury cars does Galena get to trash this year?

I love this woman's style.

Yeah, this is the insurance on this show really has to be off the, like, off the off the charts.

Yeah.

Much like she was off the road.

Commercials.

Here comes one right now.

You already know we love Virgin Voyages.

This cruise line is more iconic than Ramona Singer's runway walk.

We're talking all-inclusive everything.

Wi-Fi, dining, entertainment, group fitness classes, everything is included.

No hidden fees, no surprise charges.

And unlike most of the Cast of the Valley, all Virgin Voyages trips are 100% kid-free.

No room for loud toys and crying kids to drown out the sounds of the ocean.

The destinations are amazing, too.

Some highlights Aruba, St.

Lucia, New York, Miami, Iceland, and a below-deck favorite, the Med.

Oh my god, the boats are beautiful.

They're so modern.

The rooms are just so luxurious.

I love all the colored lighting in there and the balconies.

I also just love that they are tailored for adult experiences.

That makes me so happy.

Make your next vacation a fabulous one with Virgin Voyages.

Learn more at virginvoyages.com or contact your travel advisor.

Audible's romance collection has something to satisfy every side of you.

When it comes to what romance you're into, you can't be pinned down unless you want to be.

Here's your invitation to have it all.

Fancy a dalliance with a duke or perhaps a sexy billionaire.

Find a book boyfriend in the city and another on the hockey field.

Or, if nothing on this earth satisfies, you can always find love in another realm.

Hear modern rom-coms from authors like Lily Chu and Allie Hazelwood, the latest romanticy series from Sarah J.

Moss and Rebecca Yarrows, and Regency favorites like Bridgerton and Outlander, plus all the really steamy stuff.

Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at audible.com/slash crap ins that's audible.com/slash crap-ins.

So we see body cam footage of this, and it's like Galena sitting on like a rock.

Her car is total, and she's sitting on rock.

She's like, oh, hello, I'm fine.

I just had a little nervous breakdown.

And a nervous breakdown.

Can you stand up and face me, please?

We're going to have to take you into prison.

We do not believe in

emotional well-being issues here.

So we're going to take you in.

You should never be talking about your emotions, especially to a police officer in Gallatin.

Okay.

Get in the car.

Will you take a sobriety test?

She's like, no, I don't think I will be doing that today.

Did anybody ask Ginger to take a sobriety test when she lost head?

No.

We are allowed to lose head in this world, I think.

No?

Okay, well, we're going to have to take you down to the station and get a warrant for your blood.

Okay.

She's like, okay, that is found.

sounds actually quite nice thank you very much so oh sounds good time sounds good time cannot wait to see your house cannot wait to see big house

so then um we go back to the wedding and a cole is like hey why aren't you drinking he's like oh i'm gonna start right now he's like okay i feel like i'm the only one getting drunk like always ha ha

like don't worry i plan to keep catch up if that's possible so then cole is just being annoying he's just like like a drunk, annoying guy at a wedding.

He's like, oh, wow.

Ollie looked real happy walking down the aisle.

She was smiling the whole time.

Mom was crying.

That was the only time I ever got emotional, but mainly because I accidentally finished my monster energy drink a little bit too early and I didn't know what to do with myself.

It's kind of weird.

I've never been emotional before.

And then they show Cole's beating up the hill and then Cole being like, do not tell me I'm motherfucking crying.

I'm too tough to cry.

I'm too tough to cry.

That was the best part of the season.

That was the best.

I hope they show that clip every episode because I was dying.

So then production calls and Galena was booked at the station.

So now Stephen calls Irina and tells her that her mom is not injured.

And he's like, just try to stay calm.

No one here knows, but she's okay.

Okay.

And now I'm going to go tell everybody at the wedding, but

i just want you to know she's not hurt she is not hurt okay

okay i gotta go i gotta go weepy pants okay crying your own dime lady

So then we see like, you know, Galena's being taken into the police station.

And then Jesse is just like making a dumb speech.

He's like, there's no other group Allie and I would rather be with tonight.

So thank you, everyone.

Then we see like Galena being put into a jail cell, and uh, they're like, We're just gonna have you sit here for a second, okay?

We're gonna, while we wait to see in your blood, we'll just keep you in a jail cell.

So, enjoy.

Oh, what a lovely, lovely living room.

What beautiful place.

I cannot believe you treat me like this after we have moved in together, ma'am.

This is the big house, not my house.

Oh, well, you tricked me to get in here, so

I guess I will wait.

Lovely place.

Do you have a couch?

I could use couch in here.

This is very, very hard to sit on, very hard to sit

so then um jesse and allie are doing their first dance and they're like uh cutting into a a cake their wedding cake looked like was it just like two button cakes stacked on top of each other did you notice that they got cakes from everything but the cake which is a great store by the way have you ever eaten their stuff at everything bunt the cake everything bunt the cake no it's absolutely really good

and i know it because they do gluten-free cakes and so with my gluten-free family i gotta go get the gluten-free goods.

So that's what we have every niece or a sister birthday.

And they're delicious.

But I was surprised to see that as their wedding cake because

the show's called the McBee Dynasty.

I thought they were going to have like a 10-tier cake.

You know, it's supposed to be like a show about car washes and hedge funds and stuff.

And they're like, well, we bought a store bot, everything but the cake.

So I'll enjoy that.

Yeah.

I was, yeah, I'm looking at it right now.

I think it's technically called Nothing Bunt Cake, which is funny.

Oh, yes, that makes more sense.

Yes.

Nothing but cake.

I never remember titles, right?

Well, it's yours is better because

nothing button cake sounds actually like you're saying this is a nothing button cake,

and they do have a wedding cake option that's what they got.

And that is, you would think that I just would think they would go for like a traditional, like 10-story high wedding cake.

It was just sort of random and funny that they got this relatively

humble cake

for their wedding.

Yeah,

um, so, but you know, do that wedding on a budge, I guess, but that's good.

They put all that's how I was in mine.

Yeah, I mean, I was nothing against that cake, but clearly they spent the lesser budget on that sweet hexagon he built.

Yeah, but this is Bravo.

You know what?

Like, we need a better cake.

Like, there was a G-Wagon that just got run into a tree because someone was having a bad day.

Like, I need a bigger cake.

Dude, they literally...

It probably realistically was that Bravo's paying for this wedding and Bravo's like, we ran out of money because we've had to do so many vehicular repairs all season long.

Sorry, you're buying your own cake.

And Jesse's like, I don't know, nothing but cake.

Seems nice.

Guys, let's go back to random gay things.

So, Casey comes to Cole and she's like, Cole, I met your cousin.

Oh, yeah, what'd she say?

She said that you were, when you were little, your favorite color was pink.

What are you gay or something?

And so then Stephen, Stephen looks at them, but then he looks away.

And Casey's like, Stephen thinks we're talking about him because he said that Cala's name card is on the table.

She's not there.

And I think I better go over there and eat my food before they take it.

So, okay, bye.

Wait, wait.

Well, it's kind of weird that she's not in the wedding party, right?

It's just a little bit of a drink.

She has to go back and sit next to Stephen.

Well, wait, Stephen's in the wedding party.

I don't understand the seating arrangement here.

I don't get well, wait, is Cole is Cole sitting at another table?

He's with the groom's table, right?

Don't all the grooms sit together?

I hate it.

All the bridesmaids sit together.

So if you're I hate this eating chart, I hate the, I hate, look, I hate the cake.

I hate the seating chart.

I hate this wedding.

I'll just say it right now.

I don't like how they all sat here.

I hate this whole thing.

I don't like how they chose to do that.

I don't like being confused on this point.

I don't feel like it's right.

I don't think it's fair to us.

The legitimacies are too confusing.

So Casey goes back to Steve and it's like, well, am I Galena here?

Did she come?

And he says that she wrecked her G-Wagon.

This is now is in jail.

So Casey immediately runs up to Cole.

She's like, I just found out Galena's going to jail.

She crashed her car.

And Cole's like, oh, my God, everybody, Jesse, Galena got in a car accident on her way here.

And then, you know, it just like, it goes around like so fast all around the wedding.

And they're like, oh, my God.

Wow.

So then

like, that's totally, the car is total.

So Steve Sr.

is like talking to Irina and like, you know, finding out if she's homey or whatever.

And Irina's like, she's almost home.

They just gave her a ticket for reckless driving.

And Steven's like, so she wasn't drinking or anything?

She's like, no, they took her blood because she refused a field sobriety test, but

they don't proceed with the intoxication charge.

They said they think that there's something going on.

Yeah, so she wasn't drunk.

Here's what's a big surprise.

I thought she was shit-faced.

Here's what I think.

I think Steven sent a whole bunch of free car wash vouchers to that police station, and suddenly Galena is free as a free thing oh you think so

that's my conspiracy theory is that steve steve mcb paid them off with car wash vouchers she was

i'm gonna say she was she seemed chit-fazed

i don't know

with galena because even when she's drunk i don't think she seems drunk but you know i'm kind of lush

so um back to police station um we see the officer telling irina on the phone uh she's getting to a point where she's not tolerating stress well She just asked to marry a sink in the cell.

So

she said something about like she knows all the secrets that about the sink and she's not afraid to say it on camera, but we're like, it's just a sink.

I just told her we're going to send her home and she told me she would fucking kill my chickens if I broke up with her.

So I'm not really sure what that meant, but she could you come get her.

We're terrible.

Every time we go to bring her a little snack, she's cursing at the sink, calling it a prostitute and a whore and a slut.

And we don't really understand that.

So Steve's like, well, trust me, we're not going to leave her at a time of need.

I mean, she's the first one to drop anything for the McBees.

We're going to take care of your mama real good.

Like, remember that time mama's built a house with her?

And then I had my sons go over there and move all her shit out into a place she didn't know she was moving into.

So I was like, we treat people good here in the McBee family.

Don't you worry, Toots.

Listen, we're not going to leave her her in her time of need.

So please sit back and relax and know that no one from this wedding is going to go to that jailhouse to get her out.

Okay, great.

We're not even going to save a slice of cake for her, but we will not abandon her in her time of need.

Next up, we see Galena running back into her house, kind of oddly.

like running back to the house and like kind of hobbling up the steps and she just can't wait to see arena she's like oh my god i'm so sorry i don't even know what happened i think i was so hyped up and then i got into a love affair with sink which was kind of crazy no garbage disposal.

I mean, thank God that one ended early.

You know, that could have been awkward for me.

She's, Irina's like, um, this is not okay.

You scared the shit out of me.

Like, you need help.

She's like, oh, I'm so disappointed.

I'm, I was really excited.

She's like, um, I don't care about this wedding.

You literally almost died, mom.

And then

we see like Galena being like, oh,

and we see like there's, she's all cut up.

But those like, was that like a cut like from the accident that we saw on her skin?

Did they do a close-up?

Yeah, she's trying to cover her arm.

And then we see something, like a cut or something on her and, um,

or scars, I think, because they weren't bloody.

But

yeah, she's trying to cover something up.

And so Galena's like, well, being invited to wedding is proof you are part of family, right?

But I was so worried about the mileshot on my way there that I don't know.

Next thing I see is car broke in the window, you know?

And so Irina's like,

mom, I don't know what I'd do without you.

You know, they all have each other and I don't have anyone.

And she's just so sad watching her kid cry.

And she's like, but I'm so disappointed.

I wanted to be part of family.

And she goes, mom, you are part of your, your family's right here.

You know, you do everything for them.

And then you almost kill yourself over it.

And I don't even live here.

I'm 700 miles away.

I can't help you.

And it's my last night here.

And all you care about is a stupid wedding.

And then this happens, you know, and I felt so bad for her.

I didn't even think about that.

Like like it's her last night in town and her mom's like sorry goodbye going good going to wedding

and galena's like i promise i wasn't trying to kill myself which made me think like ooh there might is there a larger story going on here and uh yeah this poor girl she seemed like the only sane rational person on this entire show and galena's just saying that she just needs to refocus for her daughter and for herself and she needs to move on and you know she's like i don't think people realize how much bullshit i went through with with brooke and masha and steve and and am I really a belonging part of their family?

I may be time to cut ties with them.

I'm like, yes, please cut ties with these.

Don't you dare cut ties with them.

Are you fucking crazy?

No, ma'am.

You were not going to cut ties with them.

I will see you back at work next year.

You get your ass back to work, ma'am.

Please leave, so there's no reason to recap this show any longer.

Please go, go, get out of here.

Jeez.

So, um,

So basically we go back to the wedding and Cole's holding a little baby girl and he's like, see, look, I could be maybe a good dad in case.

Look at me holding this little baby girl.

Would you, you better watch your fucking mouth.

No one works harder than Stephen and this family.

You're yawning, baby, Cole.

Oh, yeah.

Like, look, I'm going to be a good girl, dad.

Girl, dad.

Girl, dad.

No, you're, like, a beat.

Stephen, Stephen and I raised Vorgidson.

Oh, sorry.

I didn't let you finish there.

I just heard it.

dot, dot, dot, so I kept on.

No, keep going, please.

I beg of you.

Stephen and I raised four good sons.

One of them was just stood up.

The other one was wasted before the vows were even said.

The other one, I don't really know much about him.

Does anybody know much about Brayden?

We never talk about him much.

And Jesse's hot.

So, you know, we did a good job.

So then we see the sparkler, the great sparkler thing instead of rice.

My sister did this at her wedding where everybody was given sparklers

to, you know, do instead of rice.

So they all go through this arch of sparkles, which is such a pretty idea.

Unfortunately, we bought ours at some like janky fireworks stand and they looked like sticks off of trees.

I mean, they were huge and there was a lot of fire.

There was so much smoke.

I'm surprised we didn't burn my sister to death.

And then we couldn't even see her leaving.

It was like a magic show.

There was some.

Oh, oh that's so hilarious

it was violent it was it was a violent day uh so now it's two weeks later back at the farm meet cattle's running meat's trimming cowbin's cutting

and now it's time for a

meeting with the boys

All right, everyone, let's gather in the barn, okay?

All right, everyone, I want everyone to cross your arms because that, okay, I will cross my arms.

Jesse, you put your hands on your hips, and Cole, you just sort of stand there in a strange position because you don't know which one you're going to do.

All right, great.

You all ready?

Now, I'm about to tell you all something very serious and try not to get distracted by the adorable cat that's jumping around behind me through this entire scene.

Okay, can you do that?

Can we all do that?

Cole, you're looking at the cat.

I know you're looking at the cat.

I can see it on your eyes.

I'm not looking at anything.

Okay, you're dangling a toy for the cat.

Please focus on this, okay?

I just got a call.

It's about something I've been keeping from y'all.

It's dad.

Dad and I didn't want to make it a big deal in case this problem went away, but it's looking like it's not going to go away.

It turns out we got the tests.

Cole is actually our brother.

We were hoping that maybe DNA-wise, turns out he's not related to us.

We could kick him out.

He's one of us.

Sorry, everyone.

That's the bad news.

We were hoping the father of Cole was that old knobby tree with the big hole in the trunk down the road, but unfortunately, it was dead.

So,

yeah, Cole's ours.

So, also, we've been under FBI investigation, no bigs.

You know,

the crop years, those crop years, 2018 to 2020.

And it turns out we turned over all our records.

Hopefully not the Stevie Nicks.

No, Cole.

The paperwork.

Oh.

And they went through them.

And there may be prison time involved.

For who?

For dad.

For doing what?

Crop shit, Cole.

Crop shit.

Not soybeans.

I hold those, them's my babies.

Gruel dad.

Soybean dad.

Now, Cole, things have already gotten bad.

Apparently word got out that your favorite color when you were a child was pink, and we are already pretty embarrassed as a family about that.

And the next thing you know, dad's holding a pink bag, things are going downhill for us, okay?

But

and it is spreading.

Do you understand?

Get the town out here.

If you want to keep your soybeans, you will keep, you'll put up a straight wall, okay?

Now, since all of our, oh, Jesse's like, since all of our names are on the business, is it just dad involved?

Yeah, it's just dad, okay?

Oh, how long have you guys known about this?

For the last year or so, dad is under the worst pressure I've ever ever seen him in my entire life.

And he has not been the same.

And it's taking a toll on him.

Okay.

I don't know what will happen with the random zone.

We have no power.

Like, literally, we actually lost power to the combine.

So if you want to drive to the next town, you have to wait a little bit.

Jesse is pretty calm for someone who just found out their fucking brother who was trying to force a prenup on his wife.

uh on the brother's wife that's so ridiculous he's making this whole big stink this whole time about a prenup and meanwhile dad's probably fucked up the business for good like you You asshole.

I would be so pissed.

And also to let somebody get married and not tell them, like, hey, my dad might be going to jail.

Who knows how this might leak out on all the rest of us?

Like, don't you think you should maybe tell the person who's about to get married?

Yeah, you would think fucked up.

Yeah.

So Cole is like, I'm scared to death about this.

This is the worst thing I've seen happen in my life.

Well, next to the time that he'll tried to sass off to me and I had to punch him in this face.

Didn't like that very much.

Now, it's not the worst thing the family's seen.

The worst thing the family's seen was my mama's birthday when I got in a speedo and did a cannonball into the lake.

But

it's pretty bad for me.

So Jesse is like, hearing this is a lot to take in at once.

And now it all makes sense.

And then we see flashbacks of like all season of Steven saying things like, there are more things going on than you can even realize.

The stuff that I'm dealing with dad, you don't even realize.

You don't even know.

When the FBI comes and knocking and it turns out dad's under investigation, that's a lot we have to do.

And you don't even realize what we're doing back there.

It's a secret, by the way.

You don't know what I just said.

But also, Stephen is the type of person to walk around and to always say that shit no matter what.

Even if there was no investigation, he'd be like, you don't even know what I'm dealing with.

I'm doing a lot over here.

I'm dealing with a whole bit of a car wash.

There is so much going on behind the scenes that you don't even know.

So now thunder rumbles, and we go to home footage and we see Casey and Cole going to the hospital to have their little bundle of disappointment in its future.

I see a lot of disappointment in your future, kid.

Good luck.

And then

we see Cole, he's like, yeah, there's a lot of tough times, but when I hold Blair, everything goes away.

Yes, like hope for humanity.

And then

Cole is, he cole is smiling with that big

gap toothed smile of his.

And then everyone's hugging, holding the baby, sweet little baby Blair.

And then Stephen is telling us that, like, slating, sentencing is slated for March, but it's being pushed back to May in downtown Kansas City federal courthouse.

And my end goal is to make sure that this farm remains here, not only for our kids, but our kids' kids, and our kids' kids, and our kids' goats, and things like that.

And to carry on this next generation and to have a legacy, it puts one hell of a burden on my shoulders to keep this family farm alive.

Yep.

I want this jail not to only send my father to prison, but all of his grandchildren.

And I'm going to make it happen.

You watch.

And that's it.

And then we see on screen updates, Galena still working for the McBees.

I knew she wouldn't quit.

Stephen Jr.

and Cal are done.

He hasn't been on a second date with anybody.

Cole and Casey have not made plans to get married.

And he hasn't been back to Nashville.

And Jesse and Allie have been living together.

And they welcomed their baby girl named Summer.

mm-hmm and Stephen Sr.

pleaded guilty to insurance fraud and he's waiting on sentencing he's facing up to 30 years in prison which you might have already known because Stephen said a million times he's facing 30 years after prison

so

now let me tell you one thing about prison they got doors that don't dribble

See you next year.

And that brings us to the end of the McBee Dynasty season two.

What a show.

I hope it wins everything this year.

I hope it wins Emmys.

Shit, give it a Grammy.

That's some good songs, too.

They had a lot of songs.

Well, yeah, that's the end of McBee Dynasty.

Glad that for those who are the fans of it, I'm glad you guys had it.

Thank you.

Those who love it, love it.

And so I'm happy for those who love it.

And another show, another show is done.

So thanks, everyone, for being here and listening to it.

And now we just pivot into the fall sleigh on Bravo.

Yeah, here we go, everybody.

Have a good one.

We'll talk to you soon.

Bye.

Watch what Crap-Ins would like to thank its premium sponsors.

Ain't no thing like Allison King.

It's always a party on Allison Block.

Our way is the Amber Way.

It's the Foster and the Furious.

It's Amanda Foster.

It's always automatic with Ashley Otto.

Put your hands together for Carly Clapp.

Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offitt.

She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniella.

Itchells.

We never miss her call.

It's Diane Call.

Aaron McNicholas, she don't miss no trickolis.

Hava Nagila Weber.

You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones.

I go, Hugo, we all go for Hugo.

Jamie, she has no less namie.

She's our kind of mess.

It's Jennifer Messer.

Sip some scotch with Jessica Trotch.

She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock.

Kristen the Piston Anderson.

Get a bee in your bonnet with Lacey B.

K.

K-Syra, Syrah, whatever will be, will Lauren Sillsby.

Bringing the funk, it's Leslie Plunkett.

She gets a name from us, it's Lindsay D.

Let's give a kiss a Reno to Lisa Lino.

Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McHenry.

We love her on the rocks, it's Melissa Cox.

Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the berg.

This is Livin' with Michelle Vivian.

I love a ya, Olivia Williamson.

Tastier than Flanderson, it's Rachel Manderson.

She sure is swell, it's Raquel.

Yes, we canna, it's Sedana.

Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman.

Let's share with Sharon Eldridge.

Darn Skippy, it's Tibby.

And our super premium sponsors.

She's V V I P, it's Amanda V.

Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin.

Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD.

We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva.

Let's get real with Caitlin O'Neal.

Don't get salty with Christine Pepper.

Can't have a meal without the Emily Sides.

Who, what, why, where, and Gwen Pentland.

Let's go into the woods with Guy Tubbs.

It's our queen, it's Queen Laifa.

Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall.

Hail the Cork Master, the Master of the Cork, Jennifer Corcoran.

We got our wish, it's Jen Plish.

She's not harsh, she's Jill Hirsch.

My favorite Murdo, Karen McMurdo.

We love him madly, it's Kyle Pod Chadley.

In the study with a candlestick, it's Leslie Peacock.

G, it's Lisa H.

We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder-Baron.

She's a whiz, it's Liz Sarthe.

Always killing it, it's Lola Alcalani.

The Incredible Edible Matthew Sisters.

She eases our woes, it's Melissa St.

Rose.

There's a chance of meatballs, it's Rebecca Cloud.

Meet, it's Ronit Feldman.

She's the Queen Bee, it's Sarah Lemke.

We cannot tell a lie, it's Sarah Tele of Sun.

Shannon, out of a cannon, Anthony.

Please don't stop.

It's Solian Pop.

Let's take off with Tam Laplain.

It's always a good time when you're wasting time with Bravo.

She ain't no shrinking Violet Koutar.

We love you guys.

If you like Watch What Crappens, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.

Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.

Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondry.com slash survey.

It's your man, Nick Cannon, and I'm here to bring you my new podcast, Nick Cannon at Night.

I've heard y'all been needing some advice in the love department so who better to help than yours truly now i'm serious every week i'm bringing out some of my celebrity friends and the best experts in the business to answer your most intimate relationship questions having problems with your man we got you catching feelings for your sneaky link let's make sure it's the real deal first ready to bring toys into the bedroom let's talk about it Consider this a non-judgment zone to ask your questions when it comes to sex and modern dating in relationships, friendships, situationships, and everything in between.

It's going to be sexy, freaky, messy, and you know what?

You'll just have to watch the show.

So don't be shy.

Join the conversation and head over to YouTube to watch Nick Cannon at night or subscribe on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

Want to watch episodes early and ad-free?

Join Wondery Plus right now.