#2993 Below Deck S12E15: Behind the 8 Course Ball

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Hello, and welcome to Watch Watch Crapins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to laugh at.

I'm Ben Mandelker, and joining me today is my lesbian lover, Mr.

Ronnie carom hi ronnie how are you hello

talk about the consequences of your actions i take so blame for this i shouldn't have done it it's a consequences of my

literally everything

you know i love my board games and i was um reading through the rules of a new board game and at one at one point it said like like no put your piece here and then because of the consequences of your actions you must do this and i like really started to laugh.

I just started to hear Jess voice.

The consequences of your actions.

You put the piece in the wrong place.

The consequences.

Yeah.

Jeez.

Lots of consequences of actions going on over here.

So many consequences.

You know what?

Good to see this.

This cast is just so horny.

They're like, you know what?

We've got two episodes left.

Let's change it up again.

Let's fuck Kyle over again.

Let's do it again.

I am so over this season.

I'm not going to lie.

I am over it.

And I don't think I've ever seen a below deck season with so many interesting people, but turned into such a dull season for me.

I just, I can't deal with it anymore.

I think in the beginning, I mean, I love Baba Bra and I love Solane, even though Selene is the worst.

You know, I think they've got like a good mix of personalities.

But I think that the emphasis on these love triangles is driving me nuts because I just don't care.

I want to see work ethics and I want to see work ethics violated.

I don't care about love triangles on this boat,

especially with a bunch of people you don't want to bang.

You know what I mean?

There's like so many people, and they're all, you know, cute people and stuff, but I think it's only interesting like when you kind of want to bang them.

There's got to be like some element of you want to have sex with them, and that's why you're interested in who they want to have sex with, right?

But it's weird.

It's like, I don't,

I don't, I don't know what I'm trying to say.

Like, they're all cute people.

I'm not like ugly shaming anybody.

I just, they're all just so icky, especially Damo.

I just find Damo to be so gross.

I don't understand.

I don't understand.

I just don't get it.

He looks like a cartoon chicken first and foremost.

He's like a cartoon chicken.

And that already is like a boner killer.

You know, it's like, it's, it's too much.

He has, he's also like a dick.

He's a total dick.

And he's free, and he frames his dickish behavior as some sort of like

personal journey that he's on a selfish period, if you will.

And I'm like, no, you're a dick.

You're just a dick.

With I'm also

something about like,

you know, like sleeping naked, like people sleep naked.

Like, I get it.

You know, you don't have to wear your undies.

I don't care.

Well, I don't care how you sleep.

Yeah.

But like, you've got a camera right in front of your face.

And I find every morning him waking up just open-legged to the camera is just gross and pervy.

It's like, leave the camera people alone.

Like, there are people in the fucking room, you know, the camera, the, what do you call it?

The viewing room.

What do you call that?

Where they've got all the TVs and control room.

The control room.

They don't want to see your wiener flopping all over the place all the time.

It feels like

it feels like he's going to get arrested for like jerking off in public.

He just seems like one of those people, you know?

Yeah, I'm sure he'll be on OnlyFans soon.

He just seems like the type.

you know it just it seems like that's that's going to be a path for him and you know god bless maybe that is the that's the lane that he should be in um but i don't know i'm just like i'm a little over demo myself And I think I just, I just, I don't know, like, I also think that

the producers kind of like jumped the shark a little bit on their guess.

You know, we always know that there's going to be some trashy guess here or there, but it felt like really this time the producers were out to cast yacht guests that were like outrageous.

Look, it's porn stars.

And look, look, it's some more wild people.

Look, it's, I don't even remember half the guests, but every time I felt like there was like a new set of people on, I was like,

really?

And then they wouldn't even get, they wouldn't even squeeze it for all the juice they could squeeze it for.

I just feel like we need to sort of like get back a little bit to what Below Deck is about, which is like awful rich people

and the maids who serve them and don't always serve them well.

Like, that's what I want to focus on.

Yeah.

Okay.

I hear you.

We'll take it.

Thank you.

Hopefully, someone takes this to production.

Take it.

I'm taking it to the top.

I'm taking it, taking it to the UN.

It's an international issue.

But anyway.

Yeah, so here we are with some below deck.

Also, last night we did Crappy Hour, Super Fun every other Monday, 5.30 Pacific.

And when we're not doing that on Mondays at 4 p.m.

Pacific, we're doing Amazon Live.

So that's coming up this coming Monday,

September 1st.

Not just that, Ronnie.

Tell them.

Tell them the exciting news for this one, the next one coming up.

I don't know what it is.

That we're going to be on the Amazon Prime.

Oh, oh, yes, yes.

We're going to be on Amazon Prime television.

That's right.

We're going to television finally.

Yeah, we'll have more details on how you actually find us on there.

But yeah, like, I mean, that's literally the same show.

It's just that you could watch it on your TV

school.

Basically, we can say we have our own TV show now.

I don't know if we legally can say that.

I don't know if that is even true, but I'm just going to, I just tell my friends that I've got my own TV show now.

You can watch it.

Guys, can't be with you Monday.

I'm going to be live on television.

Okay.

Sorry.

We're crafting our future Emmy submission.

Okay, everyone.

Now come look at the teaspoon that I bought.

Yeah.

Oh, you're busy Monday?

Yeah, I'm busy too because I'm on Amazon Prime.

So, yeah.

I'm so excited because you can tell.

But anyway, yeah, tune in for that.

Bah, bah, bro.

Do it.

Okay, so let's let's get in to below deck season 12, episode 15, all the single ladies.

So, this is another trope I can do without like the oh my god, there's like a bunch of ladies together on a boat.

It's like the fifth time this season.

We get it.

Is it that crazy that ladies hang out together?

They're like, Oh my god, can you believe it?

Ladies are hanging out together on a boat, and then the ladies come on, and it sounds like they're a watch what happens live audience every time.

Like, can you just come on and enjoy the boat?

How come every time you come on, I have to hear this?

Oh, hey, do you guys want a glass of champagne when you come?

Champagne!

Hey, look, it's the crew.

Oh, my God, they're so cute.

Oh, my God, who's single?

Who are we going to fuck?

Oh, my God.

Oh, God, do they make them do this?

Because I hang out with a lot of ladies, and I can tell you this is not how we act everywhere.

Do you guys want an appetizer menu?

Shut up.

Just shut up.

Is Stephen Colbert coming out?

Shut up.

Stephen Colbert.

I think there, there must, there's something about stepping onto a yacht that makes people live up to their like stereotypes or something.

Like a group of women come on, like,

but then a group of guys come on, they're like, bro, yeah, come on, we're gonna go like get sloshed.

And then the gays come on, they're like, hey, can I put the anchor up my butt?

Yeah, I want to blow that.

I want to blow the captain, you know?

We're all such a bad thing.

It's always like that.

They're like, oh, wow, primary bedroom.

Okay, what about my primary asshole who's going to lick it?

Hey, guys.

You're like, really?

It's like we, I don't know if we've ever had a group.

Oh, no, we have had a group of lesbians.

We had Gigi Fernandez.

And although she was, I guess maybe, what is the, the lesbian walking, lesbian group walking onto a yacht stereotype?

It's like, oh, very nice.

Very nice.

Love that.

Love that.

I guess that's like the lesbian stereotype of what you walk onto a boat.

I don't know what the lesbian, like the lesbian is.

She was more like, yeah, well, it was very sporty.

Like, yeah, this is a sports.

She went to sports stereotypes.

Yeah.

She did like the lesbian who plays sports stereotype, which everything was like, oh, wow, you served that well.

I mean, I served it pretty well, too, for years.

Am I right, ladies?

Because I'm an international tennis star.

Okay.

In that situation,

tennis stereotypes overtook lesbian stereotypes.

So we didn't really get to see what the stereotypical lesbian reaction would be.

Well, I mean, a lesbian stereotype is sporty, right?

So

there's a lot of overlap.

Yeah, sports.

Big overlap.

Let's just be as stereotypical as possible as we go onto the boat, you know?

Of course, two gay guys sitting here bitching about.

I mean, we're stereotypes too.

I guess that's just how the world works, you know?

Yeah.

So here we go.

All the single ladies, season 12, episode 15.

Don't, don't, don't.

Last week, we got so lame in the mess all going, gay, you make rules about me, Captain.

You make rules about me.

I'm not a children.

I'm not a children.

And then being like, oh, I don't think she understands how the China comment works.

Yeah.

She needs to understand hierarchy which is turkish of course for hierarchy thank you built on still learning my learning my languages from my missus um so fraser has to sit her down and he's like listen sole

you're the reason you know you're here for a reason because you've made a huge progression you went from being absolutely terrible to absolutely still terrible but like a little bit more charming about it that's a huge progression sole

i have to say one thing that's really impressed me with you is that your eyebrows came on completely wonky and in six weeks have somehow improved themselves massively.

I'm not really sure how that happened, but congratulations.

Is it because you always fall down a staircase every episode?

Did it just bang your eyebrows into place?

You're here for a reason.

Because you're willing to have sex with multiple people on camera and frustrate everybody around you.

She's like, well, okay, this is clear.

One more charter left.

Good, good, good.

Anything else?

Anything else?

Well, what else?

No.

Well, if you want to tell me that I'm hideous, I'll always accept that.

So then we go downstairs.

Hugo's talking to Jess.

I guess we're talking about the aftermath of when Jess yelled at Soleil.

And Hugo's like, you know, it feels good in the moment to yell at someone, but it doesn't really, it didn't really help anything.

That is true.

I will speak to her.

Jesus, I know like my behavior was not appropriate, especially for a place of work.

Now I must face the consequences of my actions.

Truly, she really is like one of the men on Bravo who's constantly apologizing.

It's like, do something wrong, then apologize.

Every episode, she has to apologize at this point.

I literally can't even say consequences of my actions.

It's the consequences of my actions.

I mean, clearly, I had all this anger built up in me with her that I didn't know I had.

You were the one who dumped her.

What are you so angry about?

You dumped her, ma'am.

Yeah.

No, it's just because Soleil stood up for herself afterwards and was like, that was bullshit what you did, even though it was Soleil who was playing games first, but still.

So, yeah, so now Jess is like, yes.

Why are you calling her Soleil today?

It's like Celine.

Don't call her.

Don't get too much.

You're giving her too much credit.

You're giving her

credit.

I moon fried her up.

I was like, you were Sole Soleil today.

Celan.

I don't.

You know what?

I decided she doesn't.

The N is like a baseball on my porch.

You know what?

I keep this now.

Okay.

Until you start acting better, I keep the N.

You know, Salan, Solana and Jess are, you know, I don't know if you saw, but Baba Ra was on Watch What Happens Live wearing a vest,

which didn't really make sense to me.

But

she told,

it was like, she was like wearing, it didn't, it was like, I didn't understand it.

I get it.

So you know how many times I've tried to pull off the vest.

I just can't do it.

I mean, I've tried every decade, I feel like, to pull off a vest, like vest fashion, and my body just won't do it.

I mean, I think it's the muffin top, but I'm also long torsoed.

I just, I don't know.

I've never been able to make it work, but I feel like.

I had a, it's hard.

I had a fleece vest moment back in around like 1999 to 2001 because it was like, you know, people would wear fleece vests up in the northeast a lot.

It was like a cool look.

You get your LLD fleece vest or your Patagonia fleece vest.

I had my Sigma Phi Epsilon fleece vest.

So I was both wearing fleece vests and I was being fratty at the same time.

So I was really going two for two.

And then I moved to Los Angeles and I think I wore that fleece vest once or twice.

And the amount of horrified looks I got, it was like, okay, go get in the garbage right away.

Okay, bro.

Oh, yeah.

This is

like a vest, like one of the ones you're talking about, like a Northeast vest.

Yeah.

Right?

Also, the people.

Yeah.

I think she was trying to go for a look.

She was, because there's like a, there's like, you know, there's like that photo booth thing that's backstage.

And she has like a whole look.

And she was.

But the thing is that, like, maybe, maybe if you see the whole look with the vest and the skirt, it, it has a look, but a lot of the pictures are just like top up.

So it just looks like she decided to put on some like Finance Bro, Finance Bro vest and go on to watch what happens live, which was, I don't know, I think it's a little bit of a misstep.

Luckily, she's so gorgeous, it doesn't even matter.

Yeah, it is kind of cute with the little, the little tight shirt underneath.

I mean, I like the little Brazilian

vest.

I can't tell.

It's like the Star Trek flag.

Oh, it's a Brazilian flag.

Does that have diamond flag?

Brazilian Star Trek, which is basically just like a lot of super hot people flying around in space and dancing.

We will boldly dance

Now there's a story

I would watch.

What is the expression?

We will boldly go where no one knows.

We will boldly samba where no man has samba before.

That I would watch 100%.

Well, I know I need to speak with her because I'm not appropriate behavior and I have Inga built up and it's not a good look.

Shame on me.

Shame on me.

Bad.

Badges.

Bad consequences.

Wait, I didn't, I didn't even say what.

The reason why I brought up Barbara on on Watch Happens Live is she said that when shooting finished, they were all in a hotel and Barbara and Jess were going to be staying in a room together, but they got into a fight because Barbara still suspected Jess had a thing for Sulane.

So they got into a fight and Barbara decided not to spend the night with her.

And then when they were like, she was walking down the hallway with Damo, like a door opened and Jess and Sulane were together and Sulane was naked.

And so

that didn't work out.

Yeah, and Barbara's hunch was correct.

So you wear that vest because it's a vest of truth.

That's what I say.

Yeah, you know, when she, when they were talking about seeing each other after the season, I was like, this girl is going to cheat on you the second she gets a chance.

Why are you even giving this cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater a chance?

Because she's going to cheat.

She's going to cheat.

You know, she's going to cheat.

And especially talking about having a long distance relationship with Jess, that girl can't even not cheat while she's in front of your face.

Like she'll do it right in front of your face.

She's done it before.

Someone who advertises.

I'm glad Barbara's getting away from her, hopefully.

Yeah, Barbara is like a hot lesbian, and she could pull some aid-less lesbian tail.

That's what I say.

And she deserves it.

Not Jess for crying out loud.

You can choose

Gigi Fernandez worthy, okay?

Barbara could be like running Hollywood right now.

She gets in with like a power lesbian producer and she is set for life.

Okay.

Like she is, she can do it.

I have all the faith in her.

That air.

So Jess is a loser.

Okay, so then it's the preference sheet meeting.

Please let's continue doing it in separate rooms because for whatever reason, that works for production this year.

It's so weird.

It's why I just want heads of departments.

So

yeah, we have this thing and Fraser is saying, Deb is a mother of three from Philadelphia, and you know she is because her name is Deb.

Also, the co-primary and neighbor, Erin, an attorney and mother of four who loves dirty martinis, louches stuffed olives, and reruns of Mike and Marley.

Erin's sister, Brianne, and Tara are incredibly picky eaters.

Doesn't like beets, Alfredo sauce, fatty or chewy meat.

So Anthony, I'm sorry you will not be able to serve your chewy, fatty steak and beets and Alfredo sauce today.

I'm sorry, you're not allowed on the boat.

I get people.

It's like, I'm alert.

If I eat this, I'm going to break out in hives or something.

But someone who's just like,

guess what?

Beets, Alfredo sauce, and fatty or chewy meat.

No,

no,

you're not allowed here.

Okay, what are you?

Five.

I like that.

I like that the chef calls him out later and he's like, Yeah, they're very picky.

He's like, They're what are they, children?

I think I'll just serve them dinosaur chicken nuggets.

That's what we should serve them.

And that's what it sounds like: like, ew, creamy sauce.

Oh, no.

Is that me, Fatty?

Please don't make the meat too chewy.

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You know, Alfredo sauce, first of all, I can't think of the last time I had Alfredo sauce because I just feel like it's so retro.

It's not something I gravitate to anymore because I've had a lot of taste lately.

Really?

I mean, when I was a kid, I loved it, but I haven't had a lot of it.

I have a friend who's into it.

And so, every time, well, I have a friend whose husband is into it.

So, every time we go out, he orders Alfredo and we share everything.

And I don't have the heart to tell him this is just this is a heart attack.

Why are we ordering?

Why are we ordering heart disease?

Like, we're all older.

We shouldn't be ordering this.

Wait a second.

I thought Alfredo sauce was salsa.

No, am I incorrect?

That's how they're to broke.

Um, but uh, Alfredo sauce.

That's when that's when my helper has an attitude.

Okay, Hey, Alfredo gets a little saucy.

My helper.

My Nobu flatware transporter gets a little saucy.

We don't have the bus boys anymore, Ben.

But

I have to say, though, that if Alfredo sauce were served to me on a super yacht, like if I'm not

allergic or have an intolerance towards any of the ingredients in it, I'm going to eat the Alfredo sauce.

I'm sorry, I just will.

Because it's like you're on a yacht.

You're supposed to indulge, like have some Alfredo sauce on the yacht.

Now, do I want beets in the Alfredo sauce?

Probably not.

But by the way.

Yeah, it's just they've, they've got this whole thing in their minds, this whole nightmare in their minds, like beets and Alfredo sauce.

Like just with fatty and chewy meat.

Yeah.

Here's some beef tallow.

Beef tallow served on a bed of beets topped with Alfredo sauce.

Honestly.

We probably have seen stuff like that.

And I want to say also, Ronnie, since

as long as we're talking about Alfredo sauce, that there is a recipe that I will send you that is like a tofu Alfredo sauce where you actually blend up tofu.

And I was, I was skeptical and it worked.

It worked.

Absolutely fucking not.

Just letting you know.

No.

Just letting you know it works.

No.

I don't need Alfredo sauce worsened.

I already don't like Alfredo sauce.

So, okay, so it doesn't end there.

So she doesn't like beets, Alfredo sauce, fatty or chewy meat, no red meat or pork, and done, dun, dun, gluten-free as well.

Fuck off.

Look, this is just too much.

You're not this important.

You know what I mean?

You're not this important.

I hope you brought your own fucking bag of gluten-free bagels.

Just sit in your room and eat that.

I don't even want to talk to you.

It's too much.

Get a personality.

And also, by the way, Aaron, neighbor and attorney, mother of four, you need to have more in your personality than dirty martinis and blue cheese stuffed olives.

And that's it.

Yeah.

That's it.

Come on, Aaron.

Now, Fraser then says um any fish including shrimp pork beets celery carrots eel tomatoes

are those things they are not going to eat

any

fish including shrimp pork beets celery carrots no these are all the things they won't eat do you know celery and

celery okay yeah because celery is coming so

Okay, well, celery is annoying.

I don't understand celery.

It's so stringy and it's hurtful.

Celery is stringy, but it's not hurtful.

It has a place and it can actually be delicious and wonderful.

Like this whole new world of celery salads, I'm all about it.

But that being said, okay, fish, I get it.

Some people just don't like seafood.

And shrimp, obviously, there's like kosher issues, or there's also allergies.

Pork, okay, fine.

Beets.

You know, I know there are people who don't like beets.

They find them to be too grassy.

Well, guess what?

Why don't you start enjoying some grass once in a while?

That way you can enjoy beets.

Am I right?

Get me a khaki.

But I love beets and I think, but whatever.

I'll accept, but I'll accept not doing it's too much.

Carrots are like so standard.

I'm sorry.

Celerine carrots, they should be let in.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

This is too much.

Yeah.

And tomatoes.

I mean, you're just, you're just ruining it for everybody is what I'm saying.

You know, you're not alone at home.

You need to like be chill when you're with a bunch of people on a boat.

Yeah.

You can pick, you can pick one thing.

You can't pick 20 thing.

You can pick gluten-free.

Okay, fine.

But you can't pick gluten-free and chewy meat-free.

You can't, you can't do everything.

Pick one.

You don't get to include beets and Alfredo sauce.

Like I'm already hating these people.

Yeah.

I don't like the Alfredo sauce really bothers me because there's something so specific and stupid about it.

It's just like, I don't know.

I mean, I understand if you don't like fettuccine Alfredo, you don't, you're like, please don't serve me fettuccine Alfredo.

But like, I don't know, like in the context of everything else, it's like at this point, like you sort of deserve fettuccine Alfredo.

Like tomatoes, I understand.

Some people have tomato allergies and I don't know.

Tomatoes are oddly divisive.

Again, celery and carrots is where I really am drawing a line here.

This is where you're just being a stupid person.

I'm sorry.

Yeah,

I'm going to say something really controversial.

I think we need to move on.

I'm getting too worked up.

Like in my mind, I hate these people now.

I'm like, I literally hate these people now.

Okay, so consequences.

Fraser's like, wow, she sounds like a joy.

Night one, guests will be wearing pink and want decorations to scream Malibu dream yacht.

Just burn the fucking boat down at this point.

No, just burn the battle.

Burn to end the season this way.

For real.

Explode the boat.

explode the boat.

And then

they're on day two, we're gonna go through a scout to Happy Bay.

Happy Bay is pretty cool.

I wouldn't say it's actually happy, it's quite sad.

It's a tragic place.

I cry there all the time.

It's quite small, it's in a beautiful pocket.

It doesn't matter if it's the last charter or the first charter, they're still a guest, and they'll still be paying to be here.

So, we're going to give them 100%, and I'm ready to go.

So, let's get it done.

Let's get these pink ladies to Happy Bay.

Happy Bay, a gorgeous gorgeous place, unless something goes wrong and a line is tied and a beat-free woman chokes on chewy meat and dies in a pink Malibu Barbie and fit.

But it should be fine.

It should be fine.

This just in.

I'm hearing that Happy Bay is the world's foremost place to get Fettugini Alfredo.

Is that going to fly with a guess?

No.

All right.

Your location.

We'll be going to Fettuccini Alfredo Bay.

Surely nothing will go wrong.

Jewy meet and beat bay.

All right, everyone.

Get on board.

Also, dinner should be an eight-course meal inspired by fire and ice.

Oh, really?

Well, surely she hates either fire or ice.

And how do you want eight courses when you just listed half of the food in the world that you won't eat?

No.

You're getting fingernails.

I'm giving you a plate of fingernails.

That's what you're getting.

The only way I'm going to support this fire and ice themed meal is if Fraser serves Aaron A or crafts some sort of like George R.R.

Martini, then I'll be okay with it.

Or if they die by either.

Or if they recreate the last season of Game of Thrones over this meal and have a dragon torch them all.

At this point, I'd prefer the Game of Thrones ending.

You know, just

disregard everything and just make the lamest person on the show the winner.

Just have it be them.

I won't even tell you who it is because maybe someone hasn't watched Game of Thrones.

Do we think that these women realize, are they doing a Game of Thrones thing here or are they just saying fire and ice?

I think no, because they're having their fire and ice thing on their pink Barbie Malibu mansion night.

They're like, guys, we want to have a Game of Thrones themed evening of fire and ice.

There cannot be Alfredo sauce.

Like, we weren't going to include Alfredo sauce in the Game of Thrones tribute.

Okay, just wanted to double check.

We do want a red wedding without beets.

Oh, well, now you're fucking me over.

Well, also, we can't have tomato sauce because I don't like tomatoes either.

So, I guess no pasta?

Nothing pasta-y.

They literally can't do the red wedding episode.

I'm so mad.

It goes file nice, everyone eating different stuff.

How are you supposed to do this?

And Fraser's like, we'll find a way.

And by we, I mean you will find a way as I stand complaining about how crazy you are in the doorway.

I don't know.

So, okay.

Go ahead.

But here's an idea for you, Anthony.

I know that you've had a very difficult season and having to do an eight-course meal for all these dum-dums with different dietary restrictions will be very difficult.

So how about I organize a time-sensitive fireworks display that has a hard timing, that you cannot move whatsoever, and means you have to serve your dinner as early as possible.

Would that be okay with you?

Because that's what I'm going to do.

Yes, I would like to arrange arrange some fireworks, mostly for us, because we deserve it at the end of this season.

Anthony goes, let's go to hell.

Yes, Anthony.

I like Anthony's new, like, oh, I've not messed up in a couple of weeks, so I'm Manly Chef now.

Let us go to hell.

We go to hell together.

I go to hell.

I am Manly now because my eyebrows are thinner than ever.

So let's go to hell.

This is so obnoxious.

This fireworks display, it's totally fucked over, Anthony.

To have this, what, the fireworks are at like nine o'clock or something, which means, and there, you cannot, you cannot make them wait on the fireworks.

The fireworks can go off at nine, no matter what, which means that this guy who will most likely get in the weeds with his meal is going to be forced to give a shitty meal because Fraser put a time constraint on it when they really should be starting at eight o'clock and be going until midnight with an eight course meal.

So this is Fraser.

I'm sorry.

This is, this is, this is undermining by Fraser right here.

I'm at the same time.

We've seen Anthony's eight course meals.

One dish is going to be a plate of one asparagus, and then one will be a hard-boiled egg, and then one will be a celery, you know, probably.

And they'll be like, oh, I must kill some more celery.

I mean, I need to be, I need to be more careful of this.

But I mean, we've seen his intricate eight-course meals before, so I'm not too worried for him.

He'll survive this.

And if he can't do that, he can't just say, no, I can't do it then.

Then you go to the beach and you cook the chicken because I can't do all of this.

Yeah, I just think this is shitty.

I think, I think the,

I don't know, or this idea that it all has to be done by the fireworks is dumb too.

I think they should just like time it so that way they take an intermission in the middle of their meal.

But as a result, Anthony has a, has a time constraint the rest of the episode that we have to all sit and endure.

It gets a freezer.

So

now it's time to go out.

So everyone goes to La Petit Place for dinner.

And then Barbara and Jess, Barbara and Jess basically leave the table to go make out in the bathroom for a long time.

which is just kind of like, can you just like wait?

Do you have to make out at the dinner table?

Like, or like while you're waiting for food, can you just do this after dinner?

Like, can we, it's just too much.

Well, who's fucked who this season?

I'm asking for a friend.

Let's, let's talk about sex, baby.

So Kyle's like, me and Demo every night.

We fuck every night.

And then Barbara and Jess return and

they do a toast for the last charter.

And I don't know.

It's kind of, I think they're ready for it to be done done too.

And Barbara wants to play Mary Fucker Kill,

which sounds like a terrible idea.

Just kill all of you at this point.

Yeah, let the boat sink.

But Jess says, I would fuck Rainbow and I would marry so-so, and just for the plot.

And then, Barbara, I will have to kill you.

I'm sorry.

Oh, no.

Barbara is dead.

It is the consequences of my actions.

No.

And Selene's like, Jess, you did first.

And then after I married Demo and sex Kyle.

My sex Kyle.

Yeah.

So then Celaine and Jess have a talk.

And Jess is like, I just want to say sorry for yesterday.

It wasn't right to call you out at the table.

Oh, in front of everyone.

Yes, I am talking.

Okay.

This is, I'm apologizing to you, but you do not get to speak as part of this.

So yes, I did it in front of everybody and it is not okay.

And I'm very sorry that I brought up personal issues that I still had to deal with into what happened that day because it's completely disrespectful.

And I know you don't deserve those consequences of my actions.

Yeah, yeah.

I heard it before, lady.

And Selene's like, uh-huh, okay.

Yeah, glad you realized it.

And she's like, I do not forgive her.

I'm not good with her.

She apologized.

And what?

You kill someone after and after.

Oh, sorry, I kill you.

No, too late.

Too late.

So then they both agree that they're good, even though they're not good.

And then they return to the table.

And And then they start talking about waking up.

And now they're going back to the boat.

And they're hanging out in the bar in the boat.

And then Jess and Barbara go to the guest cabin.

And Barbara's like, I am sad that I'm not see you anymore.

She says, yes, but I have no plans.

I know you're working, so I'm chill.

I do want to travel to the U.S.

in a little bit.

So can I come with you?

And so Jess is like, wait, you want to see me?

And Barbara says, yeah, you know, there's difference between what I want and what I can.

You know what I mean?

I'm going to be work.

So.

Boom, Barbara has a grip on me.

I really fucking like Barbara.

I don't ever want to mess up Barbara, but I will if I have the chance, first thing I can do.

So if I'm in a relationship, I want to be there.

I hope Barbara feels the same.

I hope she feels the same about me.

So now, up on deck, Rainbow's sort of flirting with Damo.

She's like, Damo, catch me, catch me.

I'm going to punch you in the fucking face.

Are you trying to make out with me again?

I'm going to punch you so hard.

Caliscoan Island.

You wish.

I'm already fucking deep in those blue, blue eyes, and they're brown.

Oh my god, I am so flirtatious.

Yeah, they try it.

But Damo's bored.

He's like, yeah, I can't really figure her out.

She's not interesting to me anymore.

So I've always had eyes for Sulane.

She's smoking hot.

She keeps flirting with me.

I can't really understand her eyebrows.

And there's clearly something there.

We've got three days left.

I'm going to fuck over my best friend on this boat.

Let's do this.

By the way, there's clearly not something there.

Damo is the sort of guy where Metro is nice to him.

He's like, wow, she's flirting with me.

Like, we have an attraction.

There's nothing there.

I mean, you guys made out in a pool, but that was for revenge on her part.

And there's like, if there was something there, I'm sure you would have known from Selene's part.

Damo's going through a middle-age crisis early because he's got so much sun damage.

And I think he's just like grasping onto his last few years of like playing the field because he's just grasping at whatever he can at this point.

And no one really likes Damo, you know, and to hear Damo talk about it, he's like the sexiest guy on this boat.

And maybe he should be like, he probably works out the most, you know, he's like the blondest.

I guess people like that.

But ultimately, no one's really into Damo.

He's just kind of there when they're bored, you know, needs need to make somebody else jealous.

So

it's kind of fun watching.

It's like kind of Frasering the drain.

Yeah, he is because Fraser like literally broke up with his boyfriend, sort of for Damo, and then still didn't really even care about pursuing Damo, right?

Like, they made out in a pool.

Fraser called his boyfriend.

He was like, guess what?

I made out with someone.

Okay, we're broken up.

I guess I can make out with whoever I want to now.

And then still didn't make out with Damo after that anymore.

So, yeah, I think that Damo's sort of just like,

he's just some of those.

He's like a sad little fire on survivor that never becomes more than a spark and then goes out.

Yeah, so he's decided he's going to fuck over Kyle.

And he ends that that by saying, and you know, I'm not going to feel bad.

We know.

We know.

You're just hurting other people's feelings to make yourself feel more virile.

And unfortunately, it's not really working.

You just look sad.

You've announced this a few times that you're not going to feel bad.

We get it.

Yeah.

So

selfish face.

Selfish face.

So he and Zillian hug goodnight.

Like they're a little flirty, but she's not picking up what he's putting down.

I'll tell you that much.

So now it's the next moment.

Well, not yet, but we see in previews that she eventually does.

And he's doing it in such a gross way, too, because he's like, so how are you with the whole world going against you?

It's like, didn't you start these fights?

Didn't you start a lot of these fights that have been happening?

So now he's got her down.

So he's like, okay, so now she's feeling bad about herself.

So I'll move in and get a little potate.

Yeah, well, any port in a storm, I guess.

And that was a nautical joke because of Blow Deck.

So it's six hours until the chart.

Kill you.

Any port in a storm can kill you.

If you're not

more,

bed more.

So

Happy Bay dead.

There's a bridge and there's Medmore and there's Happy Bay.

One of these things is going to kill us.

So

now it's time to get ready for, you know,

the charter, six hours to the charter.

And

everyone's doing all this fun stuff, doing the cleaning and stuff and fraser is saying how there's one last trip it's like honestly i don't even know how we

i i know how fucking done we all are but just bring the energy for the guests selene if you decide to throw yourself down the stairs this time really do it with some passion okay because this is our final charter and we want to go out with a bang and get a good tip good luck children i love you all So Matt Demo and Selene are flirting some more and hugging.

And Celaine's like, well, I like Scottish, but I baby quotes on Demo.

He always tried to put his foot in my shoes to understand the whole situation.

And I have good energy too.

He's a good baby, baby crush, baby crush.

All right, deck team, gather round.

I want to talk about this mad more situation.

It looks to me like you're getting your shit sorted out on deck.

So when we go anchor up in Marigold, that's right.

Twists, we're going to marigold.

And we're...

I want you to come to the wheelhouse.

We're going to watch me.

I want Hugo.

You're going to watch me drop the anchor.

And then at the end of the day, you can drop it at Citizens Bay.

Are you happy with that, Hugo?

Wow, perfect.

I appreciate that.

This is going to be amazing.

I've worked my whole life to watch someone drop an anchor.

I'm really taken aback, but I'm also really excited about anchoring.

I want to be captain of a vessel.

So, you know, it's like great to be given freedom to actually drop the anchor.

So, Captain Carrie is pulling to Captain Sandy where she's like, you know what?

I want to watch someone grow.

Push that button, push it again.

I'm your mentor.

That's right.

You want to sit on my lap?

You want to sit in my lap and hold the wheel?

Okay, let's do it.

So Anthony and Fraser are in the galley and Fraser is like, um chef dinner service on the last night I think it needs to be at seven o'clock latest because I'm trying to organize fireworks to go off in the middle of your dinner.

So how long do you need?

Um three or four hours.

So, okay, and if you do lunch at one at the beach, you could be back in your galley by two o'clock.

And I was also thinking that maybe you could do lunch on the beach and be back by six o'clock and have your eight course meal ready by seven o'clock.

Is that okay?

He's like, oh,

just tell him no.

Tell him no.

Tell him you need something simpler for the beach then if you want that.

Because that's crazy.

Like having to make lunch, then take it to the beach, then cook live at the beach, then go back, no break, and go straight into an eight course dinner.

That's too much.

They're trying to break the chef.

Yeah.

Is there a world in which Anthony can maybe do some of the prep the night before, though, for this eight-course meal?

Like, that might help a bit, right?

Like, do some of the sauces

or some of the cold eyes?

Well, I mean, a lot of it, he's very practiced.

He whips out the lava cake again, so, which I think was still solid on the inside.

But

so then Dama and Barbara are in laundry and they're talking about her and Jess.

And she's like, I don't know.

It is what it is.

And he's like, but if you were on the same boat, she goes, but it's not the case.

We're not on the same boat.

He's like, but if you were on the same boat would you be married she's like why would i why would i think about things that could happen if they're not going to happen i don't understand this i don't understand any of this please leave me alone please take your dreams and ambitions and take them somewhere else i'm trying to do laundry

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So the guests arrive,

the girls trip, and Fraser gives them the tour and everything.

And then it's time to lift the anchor.

And the anchors are in the pocket with consequences.

And then the lines.

And then there's a bridge and menmoor, unmenmooring themselves.

And

they get out of the same parts.

And they did a great job.

It's a great job.

I love Anthony coming out and talking to them.

He's like, hello, we have some restrictions are you, but don't worry, ladies.

I'm here to take care of you.

Okay.

Anna doesn't eat tomato.

And she's like, yeah, no tomatoes.

Okay, no tomato for you.

Yeah.

I'm Tara and I just want to go on the record.

I'm not really gluten-free.

I don't have an allergy.

It's just a sensitivity.

So don't go get, don't go crazy with that.

Now, chewy meat, watch your ass.

Okay.

Chewy meat, you will fucking die.

But, you know, everything else is fine, except celery.

Not celery either.

Alfredo sauce, huge no-no, Anthony.

Okay, no pressure.

no pressure.

It's not an allergy or a sensitivity.

It's just a, it's a, it's a way of life.

So we're very anti-Alfredo here.

Um, and no beets, no beets or Alfredo together.

Okay.

Thanks.

No mirepoix.

So celery and carrots out.

Okay.

No, no onions.

Plates.

I actually don't like my food served on plates or bowls.

So maybe a napkin, anything that's good for a napkin, I would really enjoy it.

Thank you so much.

Don't worry about me, though.

You know what I'd love?

I would love if you could get a giraffe on the board and I could just eat it while it's alive, slice by slice.

Could you do that?

But no salt and no gluten.

Okay.

Get a giraffe, a gluten-free giraffe with no Alfredo sauce or beets.

I don't even want it to have eaten beets before.

Don't, Don't cook it.

It gets chewy.

So then Kyle is like,

what thing we will not stand for is chewy giraffe meat.

No, we just won't, we won't do that.

It's just a sense of fatty.

Get a thin giraffe.

I want a thin giraffe.

So Kyle is like, so what do we think of the ladies on board demo?

It's like, oh, it looks like they might need a couple of rods on a jet ski in Montreal.

These guys are very horned up.

They are hot for these single ladies.

And then we have deb who's like well so fraser there's four girls in our family and then it's the friends so you know for team fire and ice we're going to do all the sisters are the ice because they're all bitches and then the friends are fire because they're hot slots okay

just make the teams that for when we do that yeah the sisters are ice because we're not nice to strangers and then the friends are fire because they're always trying to break sisters up am i right so fuck those bitches okay serve them all alfredo glutinous alfredo hot alfredo sizzling hot alfredo now kyle and selane are making out in their little smoking spot and hugo is taking pictures as evidence he's like oh yeah i guess that's the smoking make out section hey guys did you hear i'm gonna drop an anchor later pretty huge day for me pretty huge

uh then anthony is um He's struggling

in the galley.

He's like, I want to give them as many options, but like chicken and beef, like making simple food fancy, it's like like possible.

And then everyone sits down for lunch and

one of the guests is like, Rainbow, give us the scoop on everybody.

There's three single ladies.

So who is single?

Come on, Rainbow.

Tell us everything we can tell.

You're the popular girl on this boat.

Everyone loves talking to Rainbow.

Again, give us the dish, Rainbow.

What kind of question is that?

You're not fucking anybody on this boat, lady.

Okay.

You are the customers.

You don't get to just walk into the place and ask you can start fucking.

What is wrong with you?

No, Deb, sit your ass down.

Rampo's like, well, we actually have a fully single crew.

Not many of them would last on a tiny island in Holland, I'll tell you that much, but they are horny as fuck.

So go ahead, go to town.

And bachelor number one, it's Damo.

And they're like, oh my God,

Damo.

Woo, woo.

You know, this crew is sad when they're wooing Damo like that.

That leathery, highlighted, you know,

wiener out

perb.

They're like, yes, Damo.

You won't eat gluten, but you'll fuck Damo.

Okay, I'm taking none of you seriously.

He is the Alfredo sauce of humans.

So Damo, nothing says yeast like Damo.

So they asked Damo where he's from.

He's like, I'm actually from Pith, Australia.

Well, I'll be from wherever you want me to be.

And she was like, oh, well, you know, I studied at university in New South Wales.

He's like, oh, no way.

Oh, you know what?

I'm sorry.

I studied whaling in the South.

So I always get that confused.

And then one lady goes, well, I studied abroad.

This is Brienne.

By the way, I don't eat beets.

I studied abroad.

It was a long time ago since you.

And I'm just entering this into evidence since you say you're from a foreign country.

I just want to say that I studied abroad, just in general.

I just studied outside of America.

So I think that makes me also a great connection for you.

So maybe even a little bit better than New South Wales because it's a little bit of a broader category.

I just studied abroad.

So I don't know.

Well, you know, I'm studying abroad right now because I'm reading a book and we're abroad.

So basically I'm the most fuckable one here.

Like, no, no, you're not.

I was actually abroad and I was abroad.

Who was studying abroad?

I got two broads in there.

So

pretty much.

I just want to say Bryn's a slut.

Okay.

Bryn is definitely the fire trying to melt the ice.

All right, girls.

Hi, it's Deb here.

I just want to say that in college, I did a study abroad program, and I was living right next door to Damos.

I'm just, my proximity kind of beats all of you guys.

So I'm just going to put that out there, right?

Damo, you heard that part.

And Damo's like, wow, couldn't have been that long ago.

What was it?

Two years ago?

You spring chicken.

They're like, oh, my God, Damo.

Damo,

Damo.

Instagram all time.

Growing up, I always had my sister's friends around, and they were always saying, Damo, if you were only 10 years older well look at you now you look 10 years older

were they witches

because i think they cursed you

the full sentence was demo if only you were 10 years older we would really be able to get the maximum use out of our moisturizer on your face We wouldn't be able to do that.

Damo, if only you were 10 years older, we could try you as an adult for all the grabbing you do during our slumber parties.

You fucking perv.

Now go put on some pants.

If only you were 10 years older, you could be in the before column of the La Roche Pose commercial.

So

from a young age, I was always flirting up.

My first time with older women, I went as a junior counselor to Brazil and fell in love with a staff member on my camp.

It was six months.

I mean, I was 16.

She was 21.

16-year-old demos he goes like, oh, yeah, pumped up the wazoo.

A 21 year old was fucking a 16 year old what what what was the name of this camp sir could you please

could you please give me the name of this camp because I'm calling the Po Pos

it was called Brazilian Star Trek

she's like oh I will never wear this vest again thank you I know

he's like yeah she gave me a vista after we hooked up by the way i'm still actually kind of like a little fixated just going back a second ago to what we already talked about but like, I really am amused by this girl, Brienne, Brienne, who's who like after when Damo says that he's from Australia and then Aaron says, I studied at a university in New South Wales.

I just, the fact that Brienne tries to get in on it by saying, I just studied abroad, like, that's a very common thing that a lot of people do.

I unfortunately did not get to do it, which is my own fault.

But like to be like, well, I studied abroad.

Like, no, Brianne, you

that you don't get to jump into the flirtation because you've studied abroad you need to have an australian specific anecdote to go along with it there's no fun connection there's no sense of kismet just because you left the country once she's like well deb likes um blue cheese and olives so

also i just want to point out that new south abroad though abroad

By the way, for the record, New South Wales is on the entire other side of the continent from Perth.

It's like saying like, like, oh, where are you from?

California.

Oh, really?

You know, I went to school.

I went to, I spent like two months in Maine once.

Like, oh,

okay, great.

Thank you.

Also, trying to impress Damo on where you studied is hilarious because Damo's a ding bat.

Like, he doesn't care.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

It's like, why would you do that?

So, um, now Damo is talking to Hugo and he's saying, These guests are so spicy.

Oh, these guests are spicy.

Well, you know, the rules.

Don't get caught.

That's the rule now because it's you.

If it's Kyle, the rule is

you're a damn alcoholic.

Let's get him fired.

But for you.

So the guests are laying out and

hatching plans on how to snag one of these eligible bachelors.

Yes.

And Kara's like, Jess, yes, yes, ready.

Okay, radio.

Jess, are you on the bow?

Are you on the bow?

Yes, I'm on.

I am.

Radio is on.

Ready for you, Captain.

Radio release one.

One shot, one shot.

One shot.

Consequences going into the water.

I've dropped the consequences.

Three shackles on the consequence.

Fantastic.

Let's put the bowl up.

You really nailed it this time.

Now, I'll just, Jess, Jess, please come to the bridge.

Hello, Captain.

What can I do for you?

I just wanted you to know people could have died, but they didn't.

So we live another day.

All right, go back and get ready for Happy Bay, where people might die horrendously.

So then, meanwhile, Jess calls her friend and tells her about Barbara and no one cares.

And then Anthony is getting ready for dinner and he's like, okay, tonight, I'm going to go make something as pink as possible.

And Fraser's like, can you focus on flavor and scents over color?

Color is not important because everything I'm doing on the table is pink and your food just needs to be good and not pink also, because I've got the pink covered.

And so Fraser is saying how Anthony is feeling the pressure because we're so close to the end and he wants to do himself proud.

And daddy at all, but he's, but, but he's not.

Fraser is going to make sure that the one thing that Anthony will not do is fail.

He will not let it happen,

even though he will add ridiculous time constraints.

Exactly, Fraser's like, Yeah, one thing I've got is the chef's back, he will not fail.

I will be here telling him, Stop worrying about color, get your food out faster, add a course, do it before fireworks, go to the beach, cook some chicken, get back in time to do this all before fireworks, everything's ruined.

God, I love me

do such great work.

So, um,

Rainbow's happy because Soso is on her shit today.

She's actually like focused.

So Rainbow is a happy Rainbow today.

Yeah, you need to keep people like Selene miserable.

That's how they work the best, you know?

That's true.

The only time she works really well is when she's very sad.

So just keep her miserable, Rainbow.

So Damo is talking to the ladies.

He's like, hello, ladies.

It's me, Damo.

Who wants to ride a banana?

Oh, I've ridden a banana abroad.

Yeah, I wrote a banana

close to Australia or Ireland.

Are you from one of those places?

I forgot where you're from.

Yeah, I don't want to sleep.

Banana rider.

I once had a pineapple in Japan.

So I think that's, you know, I think I qualify.

Okay, Brianne.

Okay, Brianne.

Brianne's trying it.

Poor Brianne.

Hey, do you have any gluten for Brianne to ride?

Just kidding, Brianne.

I wouldn't want it.

So

then this girl, Michelle, says, well, well, if you guys, if you guys drive, you guys have to be shirtless.

So then they like radio captain be like, is that okay?

And he's like, whatever the guests want, that's what they get.

It's not called happy bay for nothing.

All right, take off the shirts on magical mics.

Magical mics.

I'm looking for the, I'm loving the energy of these girls.

They're flirty.

They're fun.

I don't see them crossing the line.

I mean, has anybody grabbed someone's wiener and stuck it inside them yet?

No, big anch.

They haven't all right now if I didn't have a dad bod my shit would be off too trust me on that sir.

We have seen your you shirtless and if that's a dad bod sign me up.

Okay, that is a goal sir.

Hand it over

hand it over So now it's the bananas fun times and now it's time for the guests to get ready for dinner and then Damo and Hugo and Kyle are all checking out all the guest pics and then everyone's like changing their outfits and everything and Fraser has an announcement which to us he says today's theme is all dialed up this is all about femininity it's fun it's bubbly my tits are bouncing which is a good reminder that i need to stop eating for the next week i'm hideous

hideously fat today's theme is hideously fat i'm sorry that's personal dulled up i suppose

Today's theme is all donuted up.

I'm sorry, that's me in a mirror.

My tits are bouncing.

They need to be still.

There can't be nothing but skin there.

So, um, I'd like to give myself credit for doing a good job as the first obese chiefs do.

Blow back.

So, uh, one guest is like, so what was your favorite part of the day?

The other one's saying, jet skiing with Hugo.

Wow, I felt like I was holding on to a big bottle while Fredo saw.

Sorry, Deb.

Sorry.

Didn't mean to mention the A word.

You guys, you want to watch a Damo's game?

Let's watch Damo's game with women.

So he's flirting with Celine.

And Celine's like, can I offer you some chocolate?

Do you want some Nutella inside?

And he goes, you know, I want more than Nutella inside.

Okay.

Well, good job.

I can see why you're not getting laid.

on this boat, sir.

So then we go to Anthony.

He's freaking out and he's prepping dinner and he's like tomorrow is going to be crazy so many courses tonight doesn't make sense to do crazy menu you know i feel these women they're pretty but damn they eat like goddamn kids like maybe i should make minus old chicken nuggets for these ladies huh minus old chicken nuggets um

by the way i would not be opposed to receiving some chicken nuggets like chicken nuggets are delicious i will take some dinosaur chicken nuggets for a little snack absolutely give me a nice dipping sauce not opposed just saying that right now you're no dab That's for sure.

Sure.

That's true.

So, and then Anthony says, all we need to know what Tara was having because it's null carrots, but no carrots for Tara.

Oh, God.

Good old.

You know, she, you know, the reason why Tara doesn't like carrots is because she probably was called a carrot in middle school.

I just have this feeling.

I don't even remember what Tara looks like, but I'm just sensing they would be like, Tara, more like carrot.

If you add a C to the end of Tara's name and then spell it backward, you know what spells?

Carrot.

So she's like traumatized for life.

It's like the least creative bullies ever.

They're like, Tara, Tara.

What can we call Tara?

Scara?

No, no.

Carrot.

Carrots.

Carrots have the R.

Her name is sort of spelled like Carrot, kind of backwards.

So let's call her Carrot.

Cause you know, kids do that shit all the time.

You know, they, they come up with some weird thing, but they just like plague someone.

Like, Carrot, Carrot, Carrot, Carrot, Tara, Carrot, Carrot, Tara.

What's Tara doing?

She's part of a crew to take plate.

Stupid Tara Carrot.

Tara's like, the only way I got past the trauma of being called Carrot was to woo at a lot of things and refuse to eat off right now.

So just like, whoa,

I just did it.

I'm feeling better.

I do feel better now.

I do feel time.

Brian studied abroad.

Whoa, whoa, I'm feeling death.

I felt better.

I did.

Fucking Brian, I was about to make my little anecdote about the time that I watched Priscilla Queen of the Desert, which took place in Australia.

Then she comes in with I was studied abroad.

And now what do I have?

I have nothing.

I can't even flirt with Demo anymore.

Cock on a rock and a rock.

God, he didn't get that one.

Oh, God, I'm eating it.

Woo!

Woo.

I've never been to me.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Material.

Guys, what are these sexy single ladies talking about?

Let's find out.

So one of them's like, you guys, marriage is not like the be-all, end-all.

Okay.

And Michelle says, oh, no, I agree.

At least 30% of my couples are miserable.

Last week, I had a couple that was, I was finalizing with them and their wedding is in like two months and they fought the entire time and she's laying him out the entire time.

And I'm like, you know what?

This is why I'm single.

Okay.

This is why you're not going to be a marriage counselor for long.

I don't think you're allowed to do that.

Is she a counselor?

What is she?

I don't know what she is.

It sounds like she's an aspiring e-card writer.

Remember those e-cards that were always like,

he said, I want my pork chops.

And I said, I want my divorce.

And it's always like a lady smiling.

I feel like this is what this lady is doing, Michelle.

You know?

Yeah.

This is why I love singles.

That's funny you say that.

I just got an ad for e-cards served to me and it was like, these are great e-cards.

And one of them said,

stop waiting till you die.

Tell everyone to fuck off right now.

And I was like, oh, God, I miss e-cards.

I miss them.

So it was that like retro 50s lady, like a housewife, you know?

Yeah, that's one of the like 50s ladies.

Why next class?

She's on a phone with a cord.

Yeah, exactly.

Till death do us.

Wait.

I'm waiting for it.

Waiting for it.

So she's bitching about marriage to probably all the married ladies.

They're like, yeah, Michelle, marriage isn't everything.

We know.

We know.

We're all miserable, right, girls?

Well, I mean, Brienne, literally, yes.

Let everyone else feel miserable.

Right.

Yeah, we all hate being married, Michelle.

It's not, you made the right choice, Michelle.

Well, guess what?

These ladies paid to be on a super yacht, and now they're going to get some real fancy food, specifically chicken payard with red wine wine sauce and garlic mashed potatoes.

Congratulations on a very basic, nice meal.

It's just basically like a fried chicken cutlet with some potatoes on the side.

Yeah, I like that he joked about chicken nuggets, but then made them a big chicken nugget ultimately.

That's basically what he did.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, what is the plan for this evening, ladies?

And

I plan on sitting around and waiting for more pounds to just be added to me from breathing air.

How about you?

Oh, well,

we hope the sexy men are going to put on a fashion show for us for a single ladies.

Marriage overrated.

Am I right?

So, yeah.

So now

we have to suffer through another school play put on by the below deck crew, which is just people dressing in pink and posing a lot like they're in a fashion show, which I don't really understand.

But first, we get dessert served, which is a lava cake, but this time it's sprayed with pink glitter.

So, pink.

Disgusting.

Nailed it, nailed it.

So, now it's 10:15, and now sexy deck crew fashion show they come out, and Hugo is like

dancing, and they're all loving it.

And he's just having a great time and hamming it up.

And then one of the guests goes, All right, all right, who's hot?

Who's not, everyone?

Damo, he's my future ex-fiancé.

I studied abroad.

Oh, wait, one more time, ladies, for the boys.

Woo!

Woo!

Woo!

So then Selene and Rainbow are laughing that they're getting along so well.

They can't believe that.

You know, Rainbow's like, I'm so proud of myself.

I did not fight with Selene.

I did not fight with Rainbow.

She's like, yeah, I'm proud.

Really am, bro.

Okay.

I'm really, really proud of you, bro.

Okay.

Let's go get a good night's bro sleep.

Okay.

So now it's the next day.

And Carrie,

you know, he, well, actually, what, one thing that happened in the middle of this is that Carrie went up to the logbook in the middle of the night.

And he was sort of like in his boxes.

He was out of, he was out of uniform.

And he just decided, you know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to look at that logbook.

And he looked and no one had checked in on the boat because they were all doing sexy fashion shows.

Now it's the next morning.

And Carrie is like, Hugo, Hugo, can you please come to the bridge, mate?

He's like, all right.

All right.

So last night, I came up here to check on things before I went down.

And it had been, I think, at least two hours since an entry was made in the logbook.

That's two and a half hours that the position of the vessel wasn't checked.

And what was the reason that it wasn't done?

Because we could have crashed right into Happy Bay.

Tell me why, Hugo.

He's like, well, I mean, hours were weird.

And then the whole dress-up thing.

I mean, God, did you hear about how I grew up?

It was horrible.

And it just slipped.

I forgot.

Instagram all.

Instagram all.

Please, someone, please, someone help me here.

Please, please let me talk about growing up in Port Chester, New York.

So then Carrie is like, well, if something did happen, if a link did break and we ended up on those rocks down there or ended up on another yacht and the investigation's coming and check the logbook, I'm the asshole.

So I expect more than that from you, okay?

Yeah, big logbook moment.

God, it's all the season's almost over.

It's getting, they're really ratcheting it up.

Really ratcheting it up now.

Guys, tune in to find out who didn't sign into the logbook.

So he goes, like, well, fuck my life.

I just wish I could get sucked straight into the ground right now.

Did somebody say they wish they could get sucked?

Okay, Deb, you know what?

You need to go back to your drink too much.

I got sucked abroad one time.

All right, Deb, Deb, calm it down.

Okay.

So

Hugo's like, oh, God, fuck me.

So then Hugo's like, sorry, it won't happen again for sure.

Yeah, Jen.

Jen, it's your boyfriend.

And

I guess they like Fraser now.

Oh, no, it's Kyle.

So Kyle comes out, but Kyle's not allowed to fuck the guests, which he has taken to mean he can't go within 30 feet of the guests, like he's on some kind of a list and they're public schools.

So he's like standing all the way back at the end of the deck.

He's like, hello there, ladies.

Like,

hi, Kyle.

You want to come over here?

No, I'd love to, but I can't really.

I've got things to do over here.

But good to see you you're looking good i think you're looking good you're pretty far away from me but i think you're looking pretty good god my wiener's trying to get over there trying to walk all the way over there thank god my wiener doesn't have legs

yeah i don't get the kyle thing i mean he looks like he just woke up in a dumpster but they're like oh my god future boyfriend over there right so then um Fraser checks in with Anthony and

with everything going on for today.

And then Carrie is like, all right, I don't mind, guys.

I don't mind if you keep your shirts off on the beach.

I'm sure there'll be a request for it.

So get those shirts off.

And Demo's like, Frasier, these guests want body shots.

If I just start spitting out the lime when they go to take it, I'm just necking them all.

Do you think that's kosher?

No.

We haven't got disgusting.

We haven't got lime.

And by the way, I broke up with my boyfriend for you.

So, I mean, body shot would be nice.

I'm just putting that out.

Waiting.

Waiting to catch it in mind.

Thank you.

So now everybody goes to the picnic.

They get some chicken and beef sliders.

It's super exciting.

And Anthony's starting to stress about dinner.

Okay, so he's in the, he's back at the galley.

And he's like, okay,

what is time for dinner?

She's like, um, yeah, um, to uh, it's, it's coming up.

It's at eight.

And he's like, literally impossible.

Two hours to make eight course dinner.

So we got to change the plans or we do the less course.

I mean, at one point, I'm not a magician, rainbow.

Okay, at one point, I mean, do we set up for success for dinner or we go down?

What would you like, rainbow?

She's like, yeah, that's not really my decision, so I'm gonna send a histrionic text to Fraser about it.

Okay, I start to realize I'm supposed to do it because they know restriction plus fire and ice, and we have to do firework right after that.

And timing situation again, Anthony against time.

This is the story of my life.

Instagram wall, the time I learned how to read a clock, it was a very exciting time for me, but also at the same time, the clock said you're stupid, so I stopped reading the clock, and now it's me against time all the time.

Wainball

rainbow, I'm not Mary Poppins.

what the does that have to do

mary poppins

i love when mary poppins made that eight course meal in like two seconds

she's like okay i can't make any decisions like that i can't help you with this but i can't freeze ought to move his ass on the galley so she's like um fraser you should come to galley the chef is starting to lose it again this is definitely a moment where you've got to think like I mean, I guess they want to have the fireworks going off

during dessert.

But at this point, just say, you know what?

The fireworks fireworks are just going to go off in between the courses and it's fine.

And then the meal will continue because it's too much.

It's too much.

He should be able to be given more time to do a proper eight-course meal.

Yeah.

Also, it's funny that people are still so impressed by fireworks.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think when did they just become boring?

You know, I think fireworks kind of became boring when they became screensavers.

I think that was it for fireworks.

I like fireworks, but I don't love them.

Like, I've never sad when I miss the fireworks on July 4th.

It's like, fine.

I get it.

Like, whatever.

How much can you see?

This year I got to go up to the roof and I watch them because you could see them kind of all over the city.

And I was like, wow, little fireworks.

Well, I climbed up to the roof for this.

I guess I'll stay.

Yep.

Wait, look, wait, hold on.

It's a firework.

That was another

fireworks.

Fireworks are over.

I'm sick of you, fireworks.

Find some new tricks.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Sorry, Katie Perry, but fireworks are done.

So we, uh, now it's time to go to Simpson Bay.

They keep on going to so many different bays this episode.

This one, this bay is known for being really obnoxious, and you have to do a polygraph as soon as you arrive.

So good luck with that, everyone.

Enjoy the Simpson Bay.

This bay thing is

tuna fish as chicken.

So then Carrie's like, all right, all right, Hugo, Hugo, get up here.

It's a huge moment for you.

All right, here's what we're going to do.

We're going to do

the dock thing.

We're going to do the anchor thing.

All right, do it, do it.

You can die.

You can do it.

Two shackles.

Two shackles.

You got it.

You got it.

Two shackles.

Four minutes.

Rob, we're going to die.

The dolphin's about to crash into a person.

Oh, my God.

Legs are about to climb a mountain about Fredo.

Everything is going to die.

We're dying.

You did it.

Good job.

You did it.

Good job.

Good job.

All right, great.

Pushed the button and the anchor went down.

Congratulations.

It's like, wow, that's great.

So now it's 90 minutes until dinner.

And Fraser's like, hey, Sir, babe, have you got plans, babe?

And Rainbow's like, well, we'll see what comes.

I've been putting up flyers all over St.

Martin to see if anyone wants to go, you know, fist to fist in a small island somewhere.

No takers just yet, but hoping for the best.

Okay, well, we haven't got long, so

whatever you plan to do for after this charter, you know, no one really cares.

So then Anthony is freaking out.

He's like, do we know where the fuck Fraser is?

We have eight course dinner in an hour and a half.

I need instruction.

I mean, I need to know what's going on because we are talking about the big night, right?

Like, I mean, nothing is going, no one gives a fucking shit about what we're going to do here.

I mean, I don't give a fucking shit either.

So I don't know.

Where's a tea towel?

I need to throw a tea towel at the refrigerator.

This is, it's come to that.

And he's doing this to Selene.

And Selene's like, I go for it.

Explain yourself.

Oh, well, I'm going to slap anyway.

Good luck.

Good luck.

Okay.

Good luck for the other one.

Like, she doesn't care.

What is what do you not understand, Anthony?

You have an eight-course meal that you're going to start serving at seven.

Yeah, are they just confused?

Speak French to each other.

I was actually frustrated that he had to speak.

He was so angry right now.

And you know, he just wanted to have a big French rant.

And I felt like he was forced to do this rant in English.

I'm like, just speak in French to Selene.

I've been waiting all season for him.

We need to speak in French together more.

Like, I need to hear the French.

I need to hear.

I'll read the subtitles.

I don't care.

Give us the French.

So Fraser finally comes down.

And Anthony is like, bro, I'm not happy, bro.

I'm not happy.

Everybody is flying around.

Why?

It is supposed to be the biggest night ever.

We have dinner on an hour and a half, and it's fucking eight-course dinner, and everybody gives a shit about nothing.

And it's supposed to be right now.

Are we supposed to be us all together and show the unique experience?

What is your what do you what are you talking about?

Make your food.

You're the only person in control of the food.

What are you bitching about the table?

Are you bitching about their outfit?

Shut up, Anthony.

Cook your food.

Yeah, I'm starting to get the sense that, like, did he just not sit down and like write up a game plan last night to be like, okay, this is what I want to make.

These are the things like, you know, like he's, he's losing his mind.

I understand why he's losing his mind, but he's also losing his mind in a way where it seems like he doesn't even know what to do.

It's like, why did you not like sit down with a notepad and just like come up with a game plan and come up with an idea of like cook this first and this, then this, then this?

It feels like he's a little game plan.

Wasn't it the same day that he's like, I'll make pink things.

And Fraser's like, we don't need to make pink things.

Like, what are you talking about?

So I don't think he has a plan and I think he's just causing drama so that if something goes wrong he can be like oh because no one took seriously you know and I was saying all day I want people to take seriously so

yeah I don't know I don't know what's going on with him but he's losing his mind um and Frazier's like okay stop complaining let's just do this Jesus and now Selene is talking to Kyle and she's like where do you sleep tonight and he's like where do you sleep tonight in your bed she's like oh yeah I mean usually on Tartar night I sleep in my bed but

you know, there's an invitation.

I wouldn't say no to it.

She's like, oh, yeah, no, because you say no, it's nothing in the light, so I don't really want to be people in police.

They best want to have sex tonight.

Yeah, they're doing their like awkward flirting.

I wouldn't say no to an invitation.

I think that the invitation is hood.

So then

Fraser, you know, it's like dinner.

The captain's going to join for dinner.

7.15 at the latest, at the latest.

But it kind of all relies on Chef now, and he's under a lot of pressure.

So, and now we see 30 minutes until dinner.

And Anthony's like, oh, I have plans in my head.

I want to make something unforgettable.

Oh, I don't know if I could do a plan.

It's my last dinner.

I have to live like a legend.

So the theme today, ice, fire, I got to match everything.

I got to come up with something crazy.

I got to do nothing for nothing.

I'm fucked.

I'm fucked.

I'm fucked.

You're actually like, considering that like the theme is fire and ice, the ice stuff means that you have the liberty to make a a whole bunch of cold dishes, which you could have made the night before.

Just going to put that out there.

So Fraser is like, he's going to be in a state tonight.

I wish we had more time.

By the way, I've added in a second fireworks display that's going to go off at 7.30.

So we really have to have that Iques dinner done by then.

Is that a problem?

I'm not Octopus.

I'm not fucking Mary Poppin.

Fuck me.

7 o'clock for fucking Ikco's dinner.

Go fuck yourself.

You know what?

There's no more fire.

No more ice.

I don't want to do goddamn thing.

The fire and ice have have left the building.

No more.

Now you're all just getting a series of chicken McNuggets and various dipping sauces.

Congratulations.

Oh, and

that's it.

We have an episode left where Damo screws over Kyle and Celaine screws over Kyle and Kyle maybe finds a reason to stick as a wiener in one of the guests.

Who knows?

We'll see.

Who knows?

All I do know is that it's time to put this season out to pasture.

I'm done with it.

I can't do it anymore.

It's been 15 episodes.

Jeez, I felt every single minute of it.

So, thanks, everyone, for being here.

Season finale next week.

Looking forward to it.

And we'll catch you on the next episode.

Bye, everyone.

Bye.

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