#3006 RHOM S7E16: The Icing on the Cake

1h 18m

On The Real Housewives of Miami, Adriana manages to turn a cake gaffe into a racial crime, and it all happens at Art Basel. To watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens

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Watch what crap is, watch what crap is.

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So much that crappin'.

Well, hello, and welcome to Watch What Crappens.

I'm Ben Mandelker, and joining me there, festively, is Mr.

Ronnie Carom.

Hi, Ronnie.

How are you?

Hi, good.

Good to see you.

How's everything going with you?

It's going great because

no one has done a mathematical equation about my age on a cake today.

So I'm feeling really good.

We're talking today about Real Housewives of Miami.

Before we get into that, tonight is crappy hour.

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That's all the good stuff.

And that's all the administrative housekeeping out of the way.

Let's dive into it.

It's our second to last episode of Miami before the reunions, of course.

Shall we just dive in, Ronnie?

How'd you feel?

How are you feeling?

What's new?

What's going on?

It was crammed.

I mean, look, Adriana, I'm rooting for you, but oh, this ending with Adriana was like, no, please, no, please.

It's so funny.

So funny.

Also, same thing.

It's so like.

It's so ridiculous.

It's just so wrong.

I'm like, please just stop this.

Ronnie, she has a black friend.

She has a black friend.

Oh, when she willed out the black friend.

I can't believe the whole thing.

I have a black friend and she said, I'm not racist.

Say it.

Say it.

I'm not racist, right?

She's like, no, she's not racist.

See, you heard it here first.

A black friend said it.

I'm not a racist.

I was like, oh my God, no one called you a racist.

What are you doing here?

But shall we go back to the beginning?

Aww, which is Larsa's moving day she's gonna like moving out of her apartment like to like her house like because it's gonna be like a house like hey Claudia like like what do you need me to help you with because you want me to do this and that and XYZ cuz I can do that like

Claudia like what are you like gonna do like with that like picture of me like standing by the pool in a swimsuit like like I'm gonna need to make sure the arts like hung did it right like come on Claudia Come on Claudia like and then Lisa and Jodi are walking on the beach and it's windy and he's like oh my god it's so windy.

I keep on like almost losing my hat.

Like it's, it's so windy, my jaw might get blown open for a second.

It's crazy.

The personality literally just got blown out of my body.

Yeah, it's literally blowing me away.

My hat.

So she's chasing a hat and now it's three days.

It's not just chasing.

She's torturing the audience because that wind blows her hat off and it like goes tumbling down the hill.

And watching Lisa chase this hat was actually, it was like a dream.

You know, in a dream where you're like running to get someplace, but you're not like getting there.

It's like Lisa, this hat is blowing in slow motion, and Lisa's like, ah, and she's like running after it, and she cannot seem to reach it or pick it up.

She finally gets it, but watching her just not able to catch up with the hat, and then when she does catch up, when she reaches down, she like misses it.

I was like, this is low-key

causing me to have a panic attack.

So, you have the dream where you're chasing, you're like, you're running, but you never get somewhere?

Sometimes I do.

Lately,

what are you running towards, Ben?

I'm Larsa Pippen.

I'm like, what are you doing?

Get to your house like.

We have to start our podcast like.

I don't have that one, but I do have one that I'm walking around in different cities, different places, and I'm almost, you know, where I'm supposed to meet my friends or family or whoever's in the dream.

And I never get there.

And it's like all night.

The dream goes all night.

And I go into all sorts of different rooms and situations and hang out with different kinds of people, but I just never find the people I'm looking for.

I mean, it's just so on the nose, you know

i've had a few dreams lately where i've been actually um like hugging dogs and liking dogs oh i want that dream i do it really actually really cute i'm living my dream life basically so it's three days before art basel and adriana is so excited art basil is around the corner where the best is now Miami and everyone from all over the world comes to see what we have to show

it's not basil by the way it's not an orb it's it's basel like the detective and the great mouse detective basel yeah

oh so she tells us all about art basel they've got 90 000 people in one week it's crazy and stephanie's like yeah art basel is the it week to be in miami

yeah It's so fun.

What I do is I fly my private plane from Shoma Bazaar all the way down to South Beach across the bridge.

And it is the best.

Yeah, there's like artists from like all around the world like and like people fly in like and like they come from like it's like they fly in from like Paris from like everywhere.

Like yeah, it's

from so many other places like

Paris

and like

Paris.

It's like the only place I can like really think of.

No, like they also come from like

Paris.

Paris, yeah.

They come from like Paris.

Like

we not only celebrate the art of it, but we celebrate fashion and we celebrate music.

And that's what we do.

That's how we do it.

Please celebrate in front of Frankie.

That's what he needs right now.

That's what he needs.

It brings the whole city alive.

Never more goats in Miami than during art puzzle.

And Lisa's like, yeah, everyone plans their outfits and where they're going to go.

And it's like, you know, for some people, like not myself, it's like really difficult to get into some of the parties.

Although, I guess I wasn't invited to Lenny's party this year.

Well, I've been in the art world now for two decades.

I've represented international artists from France, Sweden, Brazil, and also I've worked with our friend Martina even and gave her a solo show.

So don't forget, I'm a good friend.

Don't forget about it.

Here's my art where I hit tennis balls into a canvas and pretended it was Andrea Agassiz's face.

These pieces were made on the first court I played tennis on in my hometown in the Czech Republic.

That's basically an unusable space now, but I got a picture out of it that probably never sold.

I don't really know.

What happened to that art?

We never really heard.

I don't know.

I can't believe that didn't take off.

A lady hitting a ball.

at a canvas full of paint.

How did that not take off?

Yeah, I don't know.

Well, this art puzzle, I have found this new emerging artist from Britain, and I'm going to bring him to Miami, the Miami show, to show his exquisite artwork.

But at night, when the light comes down, it is party time.

And by party time, it means I'm going to prove to everyone I'm not racist time.

This is the Super Bowl of art and her assistants like, um, or the World Cup.

Okay, or the World Cup.

Well said then, you're fired.

Do not argue with me about Super Bowl.

I've been here decades.

Deck AIDS.

So now we go to a plane hanger and Kiki's getting her hair and makeup done because she's going to be doing a photo shoot and Lorest, her father, arrives.

I think there's something I just have to get off my chest, which is that like, I think Lorest,

he's an attractive man.

Isn't it weird to have like an attractive dad on the show?

I texted Courtney from Two Judgy Girls.

I was like, you know what?

I think Lorest has to go into your March Madness poll this year, right?

Like this guy.

I mean, he's handsome.

Yeah, he's handsome.

He's handsome.

Like, I would say that Lorest, I would say he qualifies to be a hot dad.

Lorest is a hot dad.

And I just want to put it out there.

I feel like we have not.

I'm sorry.

Did you not watch Nicole's final season with her father?

That guy was a stud.

R.I.P.

That guy was hot as hell.

Yeah.

Well, the point is that Kiki comes from good stock.

So

they say hi.

And this is the resolution of the storyline, which, you know, I'm so happy that they gave Kiki a storyline this season.

I can't say I'm very compelled by it.

So I sort of like, I'm rooting for her, but basically it's that everyone in Haiti thinks that models are sluts and whores and prostitutes.

And she is proving that guess what?

You're not.

When you're a model, you're actually just a professional.

So I actually like her storyline because I've never heard any of this stuff before.

You know, it's like fresh, like the, um, it's a fresh storyline, which I like, you know, because

most of these are just recycled, but I like the whole like her family from Haiti is now threatening her and she had to have her dad go talk to them.

I mean, she's got a lot going on that one, actually.

I kind of like that.

She does.

She does, but like, I also felt like, I felt like we sort of put a pin in it a few episodes ago.

So it's like, it's one of those things where it's like, it's back.

And I'm like, oh, okay.

We're still trying to tell this dad that like what she does is actually something you should be proud of.

Like, okay.

She also got her dad to eat salmon.

So So it's

going to be a pretty good clip for me.

So he's like, oh, you look so gorgeous, my daughter.

And she's like, oh, it's the first time you're going to see me do a photo shoot.

First time.

So I'm excited.

You're here.

Look, my dad's so proud of me.

My dad kicked me out for modeling.

But now I'm modeling.

So she models.

And he's like, wow, you're modeling.

She's like, look, I'm modeling.

He's like, this is crazy.

You're modeling.

She's like, dad, Baba, I'm modeling.

And so that's good i mean

yeah and he takes he's like taking videos he's like a proud dad and everything and it's exciting and now she's happy because he's proud of her so now we go to lars's new home and um she is she's outside and there's like this big piece of like fake jeff coons art that's being unloaded into her backyard she's like wow this is like gorgeous like it's like oh my god i love it like a big metallic like animal like this is amazing and apparently it's um

it's a piece of conceptual art from uh someone named wisby or oh no what i'm sorry i thought his name was whisby but it's w-h

and it's capital i s and it's b like who is

b

who is he b whisby who's b i don't know if this guy is a big artist or not because if he's a big influential artist then i'm making a fool of myself But if he's just a guy, then I am doing my job well, which is being like, who the fuck is this person?

Wisby.

Yeah, that's what I would call him.

He's a street artist.

Okay.

And he's super into gummy bears.

He does gummy bear art.

That's what he does.

He's got gummy bear art.

And if you look him up, you can see lots of gummy bears.

He does gummy bear paintings.

He does gummy bear sculptures.

I think I've actually seen these.

Small gummy bears, big gummy bears.

I mean, is that even legal?

Those are already.

I think I actually have seen this stuff around, but either way, Wisby, he's actually like i feel like he's like one of these people who's like a model turned artist he sort of has that look because he's like he's like a very good looking guy but then he's like look i do like oversized jeff koons like art but it's like my own thing

but they're literally all gummy bears

i guess i would suggest that wisby maybe you know shows some artistic growth i don't know maybe like a gummy worm why why why are we not seeing gummy worms by pools you know branch out babe you you can do more.

You're so talented.

It's like, it's when you take a drawing class when you're young, like I used to trace stuff and I figured out how to draw like an eye.

Like that was my first thing.

And I would just draw eyes everywhere.

And my mom told a shrink when I was a kid, shocker that I had to go to a shrink when I was a kid, but she was like, he's drawing eyes everywhere.

And they were trying to like figure out why I kept drawing eyes.

It's literally all I knew how to draw.

Okay.

So then I branched out and I learned how to draw droopy dog from the cartoons.

And then I was drawing droopy dog everywhere.

And I'll bet that really threw him for a fucking loop.

So I think Wisby's got the same problem.

Go to a child therapist and just confuse everybody.

That's my advice.

Well,

Wisby,

I'm on Wisby's Wikipedia page.

Wisby does seem to be, by the way, a legitimate artist.

Who's Wisby?

What's Kim Chi?

But he's a legitimate artist.

The Wikipedia page, that's a callback to Food Network Star where they were auditioning people and someone had to cook with Kim Chi and she acted like it was an alien species.

Kim Chi,

Kim Chui,

what the heck?

What am I supposed to do with this stinky stuff?

I don't even know what this is.

Who knows what Kim Chi is?

Kim Chi.

So this is what's funny to me.

This is the Wikipedia page for Wisby.

It says, Wisby is a New York City-based street artist of unverified identity.

known for both the street art and fine art.

So is that meaning that we don't know what his real name is if it's unverified identity?

Or is it like we don't know who he is?

Because if we're not supposed to know who he is,

Laura's the kind of just blew the top off that one.

Why do we have a Wikipedia?

Am I right, ladies?

I think it's kind of going to be Wisby's brand.

All right.

Last time I checked, you didn't have a boat like Dick.

Am I right, everyone?

Wisbee, more like cocky.

Can you get me one?

I'll tell you who you're not finding any in a phone box.

Wisbee, am I right?

Wisby, to Wisbee or to not Wisbe, that is the question.

Who is this guy?

Am I right?

Unverified identity the only reason why he's unverified is because no one even cares to know what his name is in the first place hi you guys like this is larza here's my feet okay look look at this sick like beautiful bear just like got like like the man the like legend the like whiz like be like himself came here to like give me like a bear like okay that's that's your payment Thanks for coming over, Wisby.

You just got, you just got Instagram by Larsa Pippin.

Congratulations.

You like which like.

Yeah.

Unfortunately, he's not a basketball player, so I won't be having a relationship with him, so he can leave now.

Bye.

This is like my first official night in like my new like house.

Like, and like the only thing done is the kitchen and the living room.

And like my bedroom in the backyard is like under construction.

Bye, Wisby.

Bye.

You can leave now.

So like, um, yeah, I didn't stay under budget.

Like this house

cost me like a fortune.

Like, we see it costs like five million dollars.

Yeah, and everything's still under contrastion.

Contrition.

Everything's still under construction um and hell no i didn't like stay so stephanie arrives and she's like oh my god it's a house it's a house under construction i really thought this house was going to be more done but it's like not done it's like living in a construction zone this is crazy like i'm coming over to visit somebody when their house is under construction

Port Favour, Senior, could you give us some privacy?

Sorry, I just am used to saying that in construction sites.

Sorry, Larsa.

It's an instinct.

I thought you were like, can I have like a pajama party like with me?

Like, why are you in like clothes?

Like, she's like, oh, I got them in my purse.

Okay.

I mean, I was expecting furniture, but there's no furniture because it's a construction zone.

This is nuts.

This is like the craziest thing I've ever seen.

So they toast and then Alexia shows up and she's like, oh my God, this is like beautiful.

Like this is like almost as nice as like the Alexia and Frankie Beauty Lab.

Like this is actually so beautiful.

Like you're moving into construction.

Everything's going on.

Like it's crazy because like Todd, like we're under construction.

So this is basically like moving into Todd.

You're in Todd todd right now i love it but like this is like the first like house like that i've like owned by myself like so like it's like totally different like sensibilities than like my house with like scotty like i'm a girl you you've changed your faces more times than you've changed the house oh my god they show her back and they just show her from behind i was like the editors really like you this season for giving you that

Yeah, what was actually really funny is we see a side by side of her of the house she lived in in 2010 and this house.

And the one in 2010 was sort of like maybe faux tuscan ish or whatever

elements

and then this one is like a stark cold you know modern miami house and i just thought it was so funny when she's like now i can decide how i want my house to be it doesn't have to be super masculine anymore

do you did you see the before and after like you're actually you're in like the you're like in the cold european male house right now it's like yeah finally a feminine house nothing but concrete walls the other one was just floor-de-ly everywhere and like faux paintings.

Like, oh my God, this is so manly.

Like.

That manly house, I'm just so glad I could be in just like a woman's den with

stainless steel surfaces and right angles.

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The other day, I ordered from Wayfair this really cool little side table for here in this office.

So that way, if I ever needed my laptop, I could put my laptop on it right next to my desk setup, which was really cool.

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So they talk about the kids, and her kids are really excited because Preston's graduating, so he's gonna come home but Sophia wants to stay in LA for high school and she's like yeah and like I can't be that mom that's like no you have to like come here and like finish high school like you're like like that's just not like fair like plus like Sophia would always be like you're like so that's gross so you know

like autopilot yeah my kids are like autopilot like so which is my way of saying this way I don't have to deal with them.

I can just be here and do my TV show like.

Yeah.

So alexia is saying so what do you do with all this big house then if you don't have the kids like what are you gonna do do you want frankie to come over he likes big houses he can walk around you can do stuff in front of frankie he loves that you can yeah you know what fill this house with men this is this is house you know what i you know what i love about the super feminine house that you could just fill it with men you can have like lots of men here and there's like probably a room for ac for jodi like you can have so much fun here with the old demand here

Let me ask you like a question though, like Alexia, like what's quite like going on with you?

Like in your man?

Oh, I don't know.

You know, because tad and i we're like dating again we're having so much fun because like we're dating you know so like we're together so it's fun but like isn't like the three month extension like almost over like yeah it's done like january 1st something like that like january 1st exactly like possibly maybe around then but january 1st yeah on that day

we have like a couple of weeks like yeah yeah

yeah we haven't talked about it like we haven't talked about it though but it's like coming like yeah it's coming he's gonna like bamboozle you like he's a gift of bamboo that's what bamboozling means yeah get ready yeah hope you like bamboo you can get bamboozled

yeah

yeah yeah you're right you know and like i've given him a lot of power because like i wanted peace so like i gave him power and so like now we're happy and like now he's gonna bamboozle me yeah you're right it's gonna be fun

yeah stephanie's like you're not at peace you're not at peace at all unless you have a private private jet you're just not at peace everyone knows that

yeah and she's like if he decided we need to move uh if you know move forward you know you're not gonna be like yeah i don't want to move forward either yeah but like well i don't know because like i have other things to say but like i'm not gonna say them right now because like i could i could really do it i could say it but i'm not gonna say it because like i'm i'm together with todd right now until he bamboozles me what's bamboozled by the way that's a good thing right is that like propose again oh you know what like the girls they have a right to feel the way that they do if anything like i love all of them for protecting me and like for showing me that they care so much but I'm like in love with him and like I want to be with him because you know what, like all narcissists deserve to die, but also they deserve love.

And I want to pay love to Jordan.

So we go to Julia's and she's with Jackson and Luca and they're packing little Christmas present gift things, like kind of food gifts or thing, something like that for her daughters.

And it's like, okay, Luca, Jackson, to help me.

We're going to make a package for Vika and Emma.

When she was a little girl, they love some Russian chocolate.

So let's pack for your sisters.

Okay, now, which one for Vika?

And he's like, that one.

Okay, and this one is for Jackson.

No, not for Jackson.

Jackson later.

This is for Vika.

This is for Emma then.

Okay, goat.

And this one goes for goats.

When do we get something?

I do not know.

No, this is going to be bittersweet Christmas because I'm not going to, it's not going to be because we have our boys, but because both my daughters won't be with us, we are not going to be full house for Christmas.

So we get clips of her basically being an absentee parent this whole time.

She's like,

your grades, how are your grades, Emma?

And she's like, Mom, do you even know the name of my school?

And she's like, oh my God.

What's the name of my school, Mom?

Oh,

come on, Emma.

Emma.

Goat Academy?

Goat?

Goat?

Harvard Ghost Lake?

goat lake,

Collin School.

So Martina comes in.

It's like, what are we up to in here?

Packing some snacks for those ungrateful bitches, you birthed.

She's like, oh, we're having fun making Christmas

presents.

Oh, gosh, I need a picture for Vika like that with you hugging Martina in the wacky hat.

Let's do it, boys.

So they take little cute Christmas videos.

And she's like, Vika, Emma, this is our pre-Christmas.

Do you miss us?

We miss you.

Come back to us.

Say hello.

Say hello, replacements of Vika and Emma.

Say hello.

Remember, Vika and Emma when we used to do these photos with you?

Oh, of course not, because we never did it, but we do it with the new two.

What we call them, the do-overs.

So come on, come home with us.

This is Mulligan and the mulligan number two.

Mulligan and Deweyover.

So then we see her crying to her friend about not having her daughters anymore.

And so Martina's like, well, chocolate gets them every time.

That should be an easy choice.

And she's like, well, but now things are better with the daughters, no?

And so she's talking about during Thanksgiving, she had a conversation with Emma and it shifted.

And Vika probably did her little magic because they finally understood there's room for everybody.

And I can just not wait for them to see the ball.

Oh, no, you're eating Emma's chocolate.

Why Why are you eating Emma's chocolate?

Oh, God, the children won't speak to me now.

I cannot send them half-eaten chocolate.

Well, you definitely look less stressed now that you've had a breakthrough with one of those girls.

I mean, I felt really helpless.

I was really upset about what I was doing to you more than anything, those two little ungrateful bitches.

We gave them a whole modern house in free art, and this is how they repay us?

I don't think so.

It was almost enough to paint them and throw tennis balls at their faces and try and let Audrey sell them in our basal.

Well, Vika told me in her mind, you know, if we could have adopted the boys while they were living in the house, the girls would, it would have been easier for them.

Oh, God.

You're kidding.

Get out.

Get out of dodge.

Come on.

That's ridiculous.

Okay.

Oh, wow.

They would have liked it better.

That doesn't make any sense to me.

And Martina's totally right.

These girls are totally lying.

They would have been.

They, well, the girls just wouldn't have been happy no matter what.

Obviously, they didn't, they were uncomfortable with the idea of suddenly having like two new siblings and they've probably felt replaced or jealous or whatever it is.

We don't really, we never really found out what was bothering the sisters.

But now they're saying like, oh, if we could have been there, we could have been part of the process, but it's just something sprung on us.

I think they would have been unhappy no matter what.

Yeah.

And Martine is not having it.

She's like, well, it could have gone either way.

It could have, whether they were here or not, I think the way it went, because we adhered to their wishes, they didn't want to know about the process.

So we didn't tell them until it was too late for them.

So they don't want to know.

They don't know.

Now they're mad.

They don't know.

Oh, come on.

I can't.

Yeah.

She's like, these two spoiled brats travel the world.

We give them everything.

And now we do something for ourselves.

And they're mad about it.

I'm not going to stand for it.

Yeah.

Martina, you are so grumpy.

Why do you need to talk about this stuff?

I'm just being realistic.

Your daughters are bitches.

The end.

It's pretty much.

So then we go to Lisa's house, and there's a chef who's made some little sushi and stuff and the kids are there and she's like, guess what, kids?

Jodi surprised mommy tonight and we're having a romantic dinner.

Isn't that sweet?

You want some?

And then Jodi's like, yeah, Hamachi.

Yeah.

You ever tried that before?

It's like, what?

Hamachi.

What?

Hamachi.

Are you saying Hershey?

Huh?

Homachi.

And what I love about Jodi is he's all about not being able to say Hamachi properly to family.

It's just so sweet.

Hamachi.

Haunty.

Haunting.

Haunting.

Read my blinks.

Read my blinks.

Is he holding a gold a goldfish in his mouth?

Is he afraid that like, or like a bird?

Is there like a little, is there a little parakeet in his mouth that the moment he opens his jaws, this bird's going to go flying out?

He really is.

I think I made this comparison before, but he is like when me and my little sister were young, we would go under the water in the swimming swimming pool and then talk to each other and then see if we could figure out what the other person was saying and it was always like

like you said bingo was his name oh no i said you're stupid and fat you know stuff like that but that's how jodi talks

Yeah, well, he's so great with my kids.

He loves them.

And my kids come over and they're always like, Jodi, Jodi, Jodi.

And he's always like,

I'm watching them together.

Let's get a glass of wine.

Adios, kids.

I'm going to go cry for Jody and beg him to marry me so I don't feel like a loose woman.

So they go outside and she's telling us she got the second chance at a family.

She's always dreamt of this.

It makes me feel, look at this.

We're having a special dinner, Jodi.

Almost like something special's about to happen.

Ring finger, ring finger lonely, Jodi.

No, no, I don't think so.

I don't know what you're saying, Jodie, but like, I know I just got divorced, but I don't like the term girlfriend.

What I like is wifey to be, give me a ring, okay?

And I think I'm just too old to be called a girlfriend.

Uh, I mean, I would never like to say that I'm too old, but let's be honest, I'm a little too old for this.

So, so I can't be, I can't be with someone, honestly, going on three years and not at least be engaged.

He's like,

What?

You agree?

No, I don't agree.

You want them Achie?

No, I don't.

I don't know, Joey.

Why don't you text it to me?

I disagree with you.

Look, I don't want to pressure you or nothing.

I just want you to marry me right fucking now, or I'm out of here.

Do you understand me?

You just need to set me free.

Be with me forever and set me free.

No pressure.

No pressure.

Well, do you think that there's somebody else who would have sat through the seat that I sat through for the past two years?

Is there anyone else in your life that would stood here and took everything that I'm taking in the last two years?

I do love Rigatoni.

Thank you for asking.

and the shady shady editors then cut immediately to lenny saying almost the exact same thing saying do you think there's anybody other than me that could put up with you

yeah

that's not the best way to word it but i know what jody's saying i thought lenny was a monster but i do see what jody's saying he's like i've just been through complete trauma with you it's not like i don't love you you know like i've been here hopefully he wasn't being

lenny's version was like you're so shitty there's no one else that would like you you except for me and then jodi is like no look i wouldn't still be here with given all the all the things that have happened i wouldn't still be here

yeah so then but that was shady that was a shady edit it was a shady edit so jodi's like listen i need to not hear that if i get engaged and work towards marriage that i'm not walking into chaos because anytime something happens there's always this chaos it's lenny and this and that and like you go through shit and i can deal with shit what i'm not here for is when you go through shit like you took it out on me

i'm sorry were you saying that we should go to the movies no i'm just saying can i tell you that what would make a difference is basically he's basically like can you just go to therapy

well he's saying like you you've been going through trauma but then you yell at me and you're constantly taking your trauma out on me it's it makes it sound like he's getting screamed at all the time it's what i'm getting from this and she's like oh my god i'm so sorry i'm sorry and he's like you know and if i saw you

he literally says if you go to therapist or just start talking to someone start dealing with this, like, yeah, I'll give you a ring right away.

It's, I actually thought, like, that

considering the weird ultimatums we've seen on Bravo, this is one of the more reasonable ones.

Like, listen, I just need you to start working on some of your emotional shit a little bit, and then I'm ready.

I just stopped.

I just need to stop torturing me.

He's like, you just stop torturing.

And he doesn't even make her go to therapy.

He's like, I mean, if you, even if you went to therapy or started books, even that, you would buy the four agreements.

Okay.

Buy that, it's very short.

Listen, you can do it.

We'll get married.

We're so close.

We'll open up an Audible account for you, just really anything, anything, an instruction manual.

If you could just tell me how the car works, I'll be happy.

I just want to see a page turn, one page.

And she says she's going to work on it.

I've never been so angry.

This shit has made me angry.

This shit has made me different, you motherfuckers.

It's like, okay, okay.

Put down the knife.

Put down the knife.

Can we just eat our handshi in peace?

What?

Can we just eat our Hanji and Jees?

I don't see hot pockets here, but I'm down.

Where are they?

So they kiss, and it looks like it's all going to work out, guys.

And now it's day one of Art Basel, and Julie is at home getting her makeup done.

And she wants to do this.

Sexy, smokey, always sexy, smokey.

And then Stephanie is getting her hair and makeup done.

And

they're trying to come up with something crazy because it's Art Basel.

I'm crazy, bitches.

Don't you come for me.

This is what I'm trying to give.

That's what I want to give with my fashion.

So just put a gigantic no whammies button in the middle of my chest.

I know.

Just put the staples like that was easy button on my chest.

It's crazy.

So

it looked crazy, that button.

It was definitely like no whammies, family feud.

buzzer, whatever, doorknob.

So Adriana gets out of her SUV and she goes, there's a place called Higher Ground that seems to be attached to the Arlo Hotel or something.

And she goes up to this big party, this big glamorous party that looks actually pretty amazing.

And they go and they walk through, like there's going to be 2,500 people coming to the party and they go to this gallery and Adriana's like, oh, look at these smudges on canvas.

I love it.

What I love about this artist is that he's from Britain.

and he paints like the great masters.

He has a brushstroke of Rembrandt and the creativity of Dali and one of the ears of Van Gogh, but obviously we know the second one.

This better work because I have a successful event because I put a lot of money to make tonight happen.

So this is called the higher ground because it's up like 30 flights of stairs or something like that.

That is insane.

What about an elevator?

Okay.

In those heels.

Let's help some people out.

They've got the craziest heels too.

So Larza comes, you know, everybody's coming.

And Larza immediately starts some shit.

shit she's like so like what's going on like like you look like 30 years old like you look so beautiful by the way though like that was so weird about that like cake like how it had all those numbers on it and it was like that eight that cake was like you're an old dumb like bitch like remember the cake was like oh my god like remember how the cake that it was just like one big crutch remember it was like shaped like a crutch that was so mean like who did that like

That was mean like they made us do math like that was so mean like who wrote that like it was like, I don't know, I don't know, but I wasn't very happy about it.

I don't know who would do such a mean-spirited thing, but when I find out who did, that person is going to get the peace of my mind.

My old mind, that is, because that's that equation wasn't even written nicely.

I wish my artist had done it.

The brushstroke of a Rembrandt,

the palette of a Matisse,

the vaginas of a Georgia O'Keefe.

Beautiful.

So Stephanie comes and she's dressed crazily and they get some drinks and stuff.

And she's like, I'm so happy to be with you guys.

You know, I really enjoyed the cruise.

Like maybe I'm starting to fit in.

You know, I don't know at this point with how I'm going to handle Marisol.

Kill her, push her down the stairs.

I mean, this is a good place for it, but not really sure.

But, you know,

she slivers, you know, she slivers.

So she's getting ready for a big fight with Marisol, which she's going to lose.

So I don't, I don't, I would never bet on Stephanie to win a fight against Mari Sol.

We've seen her try it a few times and she just Mariusol disarms her so easily.

Yeah, she really does.

So then Marisol and Alexia are arriving and talking about Thanksgiving.

And Alexia's like, oh, well, you know, I had dinner with the boys and Peter's girlfriend, which I loved.

I loved it.

But Todd didn't come over because he had dinner with his mom and his daughters and like other narcissists.

And we saw each other the night before after that.

And like, not that night, but like, you know, it's, they call it narcissist giving.

And they basically make make people bring them turkeys and so it's like fun i love it so much his family came over on the narcissism flower that's just how they do it so yeah like we were hanging out with you oh you know peter's girlfriend who was like a turkey like this girl was just like a turkey it's so crazy to like be sitting at the table with a turkey like eating a turkey but you know she was there so what did you guys do i was like well listen when you don't talk about todd you know i don't ask about toddl if you're not gonna talk about it she goes well but i don't want want to be talking about Todd every day, you know.

I'm going to be like Lisa and Lenny, you know?

Yeah.

I'm not going to be like Lisa and just talk about him every day.

It's like, well, in my brain, if you're not talking about him, then that's not good.

So then I don't ask.

Oh, you know why?

Because you're negative.

That's why.

That's why.

I understand and respect the way Marisa feels, you know, like an old dumb lady.

But there's like, comes to a point where like, no matter what you say, it's not going to influence me and my decision.

Okay.

I've decided team narcissism.

That's me.

Okay.

um and then a week earlier we see them like we see that dinner they had where marisol ate nothing

and uh and marisol's talking about how she doesn't like todd solexia says you know i have to shut up the noise because like you know at the end of the day it's not between our friends it's between tod and i shut up the noise you are the noise yeah like at the end of the day you get nada for nada you know

that's all you can say for the life of the popres that's it you know that's what i'm saying So she's like, nothing's changed, Mario Soul.

All right.

Well, it'll be what it'll be, you know, K Sarah, Sarah, as they say.

You know, I mean, that's one of Dick's favorite songs.

I mean, he's just had everybody sing it to him at Branson.

God, I love Dick.

I miss Deck.

I wonder what Dick would feel about you being back with Todd.

I don't think Dick would like this, Alexia.

So Julia arrives and joins Larsa and Stephanie, Adriana, and then

Stephanie and Larsa have a, you know, go off to talk.

And then, and Larsa's like, so, so, like, Nautico Stephanie, like, I don't know if you remember, but, like, Adriana's cake had like a bunch of math equations on it.

It was, like, really confusing.

And I was wondering if anyone had a calculator because I still don't know what number it landed on.

I love the most thing,

the most offensive thing that's happened to Larsa this season is that there has been math on a cake.

She's like, oh my God, like, the math, it was like math.

Like, that's just like unfair.

Like, like, I don't even know how to like do that.

Like, like, what am I supposed to to like at a cake?

What am I like?

Feinstein?

Hard, like,

yeah, that's like hard.

Am I like Feinstein?

Like, like, math is like really hard.

So, like, when you do it like on a cake, it's hard because, like, also, like, the cake is a circle.

So, then you're like rotating it.

And you're like, wait, if high is math, then why is this on cake?

It's like using like, so

I can't count on my fingers when I'm like holding a piece of cake.

Like, it's just like unfair, like,

so then they do a whole bit about who could it be or the suspects.

They go through this whole thing.

First of all, can we just say not that big of a deal?

Your friends threw you a birthday party.

They were really nice to you.

They got you kind of a hideous cake, but you know, they made the effort.

And you're 59 and you're going to have, that's something you have to deal with.

It's just

not torturing you.

Yeah, you're gorgeous.

And it's not torturing you by saying happy 59th birthday.

Was it slightly tasteless?

Sure.

I mean, maybe it's because I've already heard the explanation for this that I have this opinion.

I don't even like it.

But was it maybe a bad joke?

Sure.

But it's like your friends, they're fucking with you.

This is not the end of the world.

And Larza getting this woman riled up is cray cray.

Like, don't do this.

Please don't do this.

Because this was dead and done.

They've already had Thanksgiving.

Okay.

Like they, they went, they did the Bravo,

whatever it was, the Miami, whatever they did last year.

The fan fest thing.

The fan fest.

They went and did the cruise.

Then they all went off to Thanksgiving.

And now it's Art Basel, which means it's probably December 4th or 5th or 6th or something like that.

So it's been like two weeks.

And now Lars is like, wow, remember that frosting?

That was so offensive, that frosting.

I'm like, really?

I guarantee, even if Adriana was like, that's like tacky, like she's, she's over it, but you're, you're bringing it all back.

Now it's like, you know, people do birthday cake things where they say like, oh, I'm not turning 40.

It's like, I'm turning 20 times two.

right it's like a a way to say it differently and i think it like kiki just did it wrong obviously she did it wrong.

She was like, oh, it's, she tried to do the, I'm 32 times two, but that doesn't work.

So minus five.

And then she's like, oh, in case you can't tell, that's 59, which is like, no, Kiki, you messed that up.

Yeah.

But Larsa is trying to turn this into like the biggest, most offensive thing that could have happened.

Yeah.

So they, um, they're trying to figure out who is, did it.

So they're all like coming up with the biggest, you know,

suspect or whatever.

But it's funny because then they get to Lisa and Larsa's like, maybe like Lisa, but like, I don't think Lisa can count like that high like Stephanie goes yeah I don't think that I'll trip was her thing Lisa

or basic counting

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So then

Lisa shows up and Alexia has an announcement.

She goes, guys, guys, you have to listen to this story.

Okay.

I go to Lisa's apartment after Thanksgiving and we ran into each other at Thanksgiving dinner at like Prime 112 112.

And then

she invited me to like to her house to have a drink.

And then she had bought like two Christmas trees.

And Jodi's like, oh, oh, yeah.

Like Lisa hired somebody to put up the Christmas tree.

Like it cost me $1,000.

Isn't that a great story, guys?

Isn't that kind of normal for rich people to do that?

Yeah, it is, right?

Wait a second.

Is the point of the story that Lisa put up a Christmas tree for $1,000?

Was the point of the story that you can understand what Jodi was saying?

Exactly.

Okay.

Like, do it yourself.

So, like, wait a thousand dollars, like, and it tells you to take it off.

Like, what?

And Julie is like, $79.99.

This is what I paid for my tree.

This is what I did.

Mary Soul's here, monkey.

I mean, sorry, monkeys here, monkey.

We just heard about your tree.

What a disaster.

What an awful, awful trial and tribulation.

Bingo, say, borfam.

What's up with the tree, monkey?

You know, Victoria and Emma are like, this is why we're not coming home, mother.

Because you're a shitty, cheap, $80 tree.

Give us a $1,000 tree, mother.

I cut myself every time I pass that wiry ass tree.

You are married to a sports icon, and the best you can do is an 80 fucking tree.

Now you want us to be happy about it.

Oh my god, Lisa, listen to this.

Julia buys her own Christmas tree at Home Depot and she decorates it.

What do you think of that?

That's what she does.

She does it herself.

She's like, I don't see the problem.

I'm hiring someone to put up a tree.

Listen, it's not hurting anybody.

I'm literally helping the economy.

Oh, look at Lisa.

Lisa Hoxteen, the

fairy godmother of Trickle Down Economics.

Listen, it's better than Dripple Down Dinner, which is what I had with Jodi last night.

God, watching that man try to chew.

Can't wait to marry him.

So Adriana's birthday cake on the cruise.

This is Stephanie talking, by the way.

Adriana's birthday cake on the cruise.

Did you see it?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, I saw it.

Yeah, I saw it.

I did.

Larsa is trying to piece together who did it.

Like, do you know?

Do you even know who did it?

Questa Passando,

What we wanted to know who put the numbers on the cake.

Who put the numbers on the cake?

Someone put numbers on cake.

Okay.

They're like, oh, yeah, I already know who it is.

We know.

It's like, oh, well, because it was supposed to be a big mystery and we're supposed to have a big fight and we're going to accuse each other and like maybe frame Julia for it and then like get to the bottom of it.

And we're, it was, but you guys know.

Oh, yeah, I'm really

before we start the scene.

Yeah, that's episode 16.

I just don't have time for this.

It was kiki.

Kiki Binnett.

Yeah, so you guys don't want to have like a fight about it?

You just want to like, you're just going to say who it is.

You don't want to draw it out?

You don't want to make it like a

do like a cover-up and then like do like three episodes.

Who knows?

You know, do you want to say it?

Kiki, no.

Terrible, kiki.

It was kiki.

It was kiki la terrible.

Okay, that's it.

I said it.

There I said it.

Sorry, Dak.

I know, Richard Brown.

So Kiki and and Gertie are driving along and Kiki's like, have you talked to any of the girls since the cruise?

Oh, yes.

Well, I texted Adriana and then she was like, who put the numbers on the cake?

And I was like, I don't know.

So who did it?

And Kiki's like, I did it.

Oh, I thought we were going to do a round of like, it could have been someone.

No, it was Kiki.

It was.

You're just going to, you're just going to admit it.

We're not going to

not deny it and then like admit it to him.

It was Kiki.

It was just, okay, it was just you.

It's just it.

It was me.

Okay.

I did it.

All right.

I did it.

You know, we still had, like, we still have another episode left for season finale that it could have come out in, right?

Well, let me tell you, you want another episode.

My father had never seen a birthday cake with numbers on it, and now he has.

That's fair.

That's fair.

That's fair.

So Kiki explains that when they're on the boat, like, you know, what they were talking about, like, what was like an age that you would want to go back to?

And then Adriana had said 32.

And so, and we see, we see a,

I guess, like, um, so it's like, how old would you want to be?

And Adrian said 35, whatever.

So then Kiki was like, she tells me

from the screen, it said, ding, ding, ding, not 32.

So Kiki's like, so on the cake, I came up with this little idea, but if it's not your age, it's like, it's like more like math, which is funny.

And Alexia goes, and how are you going to do that?

Like math?

Like, you know, it's, it's us, right?

No, I put like 32 times two, but it's like minus five because you need to get to the 59, right?

Because 32 times 32 is 64.

It's like, I'm not following.

How is 32 and 32 is 64?

Yeah, like that's a lot of numbers that don't like make sense.

Like you got 32 minus five.

Like what is, what even is that?

Like how much to do that?

If you put 32 year olds together, they're not like Adriana's age.

That doesn't make sense.

Yeah, like

I don't get it.

That's stupid.

Like, I don't get it.

Mariso's like, oh, mica verfam.

All right, you know what?

You do it.

Go ahead and you do it.

And then we're just going to sit back and watch this with popcorn.

Because it's going to be funny.

It's going to be ridiculous.

Like, yeah, because it's going to be funny.

Stupid.

I am feeling awful because I didn't want her to feel like I was HMing her, which is why at the time when it happened, I said absolutely nothing.

And then the next time I get Adriana cake, it's just going to say, happy birthday.

You are most beautiful woman on earth.

Or even better yet, shoot.

Maybe I don't even give her a cake at all.

Look at her vibrators, right?

Keeky talking, vibrators.

I actually laughed at that.

She had funny timing.

It's like, yeah, maybe I don't even give her a cake next time.

Next time I give her vibrators.

It's like, there it is.

There it is.

So now everybody is coming to the venue.

Gertie's tripping.

It's like, ah, ah, I stuck the landing.

I almost tripped, but I got it.

Stuck it.

Nailed it.

Gertified that curb.

And then they're all looking at art and Adriana's like, everyone, please welcome.

This is Chris Rivers.

He has the broad stroke of early caveman and the color palette of Kate Blanchette in that one movie where she was an artist, I think.

Was that her?

It may have been someone else.

Chris Rivers, Larsa Pippin, Julia Lemingova.

This is all of you.

Brilliant artist, people I kind of know on TV who are mostly horrible.

And he's like, hello, nice to meet you.

Like, is this like all your work like that's like crazy did you just like sign it or is it like your work do you know wispy because i do he like gave me free stuff

yeah do you make gummies gummy bears are real art like what is this like you put paint on stuff that's disgusting i don't get it like

this art is sick it's beautiful it's sick

this art is so sick Wow, it's like Wisby level.

Like, it's like if you took a gummy bear and like flattened it and then put it in a frame, that's like what your art is.

It's like whiskey flat that whiskey flat sick

this is your art wow amazing good for you you look terrified was it scary art why are you shaking why are you hiding behind that lady's knee you look very scared wow but work art from a terrified pasty person everybody give him some applause not too loud he's very scared Wow, by the way, say hi to dick for me.

You're going back to Britain, aren't you?

Okay.

And this lady Jennifer comes

Thank you all for coming to our show.

I'd like to introduce Adriana, although everybody knows her, right?

She's been around for 59 years at this point.

Am I right, everyone?

How dare you?

How dare you?

I'm going to throw you down the stairs of the higher ground.

Okay, thank you.

Thank you to Chris Rivers.

Okay, Chris, come up.

He's hiding under the table right now.

Chris, come up and say hello.

Okay, you know, you want to it?

Okay, Chris did it.

Thank you, everybody.

Now open your wallets and start buying pieces.

Yeah, like maybe like get some gummy bears or something.

Like

he flew all the way over the pond to get here, or should I say the rivers because that's his last name.

He has the brush stroke of Anna Pacquin when she's painting in her off time,

but the taste level of the guy from Dunkin' Donuts who decides to make one donut really nice.

The brushstroke of Anna Pacquin and the follow-through of Pac-Man.

So

the dedication of the ghosts, but the perseverance of Pac-Man.

So she introduces him to Lisa, and Lisa's like, oh my God, you're painting these.

Let me touch it.

I'm like, no, you can't touch the art, girl.

You're buying the art now.

She's like, I'll take it.

I'm like seriously going to take it.

Okay.

It's $18,000.

What do I care?

I love art.

I collect art.

Like, when I moved to the Star Island house, it was all art.

That was my art.

And then we see the picture.

We just see a picture of like Lisa naked, but like painted over.

It's like, yeah.

It's all like some serious art.

It's like fake like Dennis Dean of her being like, look at me, pop art.

It's like fake Warhols, like her in a soup can.

Oh my gosh.

I love Lisa being like, I love art.

That's why I always touch it with my full hand.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like Lisa, you got Tamachi on the art.

Oh, so Mary's all talking to stuff.

Mary's all Stephanie Ty.

So what'd you guys do for Thanksgiving?

I haven't had Instagram since I lost my phone.

I would assume your husband's still on Facebook.

I would have had to check there anyway.

So how's my fellow senior doing?

Did you guys have fun?

Well,

we were in Canada.

How about you?

Well, I went to the yacht club with Steve and Hunter.

We sat around the piano, sang some peaches and cream.

You know, it's not the same having Thanksgiving with a family, you know, but I don't have my family around anymore.

So anyway, if you want to sob for me, well, you know what?

Family is so important.

And I don't talk to my sisters because they're bitches, which brings me to my topic.

My sisters are bitches.

Okay.

When I joined this friend group, I felt like I had a connection with you and I don't want to fight with you.

It's like, want to fight?

Why would we be fighting?

What are you talking about, Mighty Mouse?

We're not even fighting.

Okay.

We're just fighting around.

I thought we're good.

We talked.

You expressed your feelings.

I said your feelings were invalid.

And I thought that was a perfectly nice conversation, Mighty Mouse.

She's like, um, well, you know, but like, you know, it was before I had my talk with Alexia in the mudroom.

And in the mud room, Alexia said, Mary Soul's really upset because you went to lunch with Adriana.

And, you know, I think Mary Soul is really upset because Adriana got to fly on the plane first.

No one said that.

No one said that.

You're making it about your fucking plane again.

Nobody said Mary Sol's upset that Adriana's on the plane.

Why are you making stuff?

You just want people to be upset about your plane.

No one cares about your plane.

Okay, Lisa cares about your plane.

No one else cares about your plane

listen i'm not upset about adriana flying on the plane i removed myself from the situation i told you why i didn't go on the plane i didn't go because alexia wasn't included it was me or her and then after that i didn't want to hear about the cost of it because i don't want to be beholden to anybody she's like but it wasn't me marisol it wasn't me who said that let me see a flashback that it was larsa's like she's spending forty thousand dollars like that's like two gummy bears that you could put in your backyard that she's not buying anymore.

She's just spending it on a plane.

Yeah, and Larsa said it, but it's because you told Larsa, which is also you like being like, oh my God, I'm spending $40,000 to take these girls on a plane, et cetera, et cetera.

And so Marius is like, well, listen, I want our friendship to be pure.

Okay.

I won't an ever.

You don't feel like it was pure?

No, I mean, no, not when you're talking about how much it costs and everything.

I just think it's tacky.

It's just tacky to be talking about money all the time.

She's, by the way, she's saying this in her confessional when she's like, this is just so taggy, this girl, everybody talking about their money and their brand.

She's wearing like

Louis Vuitton, Louis Vuitton, Louis Vuitton.

She's wearing one of those outfits with the pattern, with the brand literally everywhere.

It's like, God, I just hate showy people.

Yeah.

She's like, oh, God, I just hate a tacky person.

Cut to Alexia.

I was born a star.

I was born a star.

And Russians are all prostitutes.

Just look, you, you realize the milieu that you're in is all tackiness.

Yeah, only

I think it's.

Oh, sorry, go ahead, me.

Sorry, it's me.

It's my turn to talk.

Okay, don't act like my sister.

All right, my.

I think it's, you know, what I think is tacky.

I think it's very tacky to not go and say to somebody, hey, I'm not going to go on the plane because of XXX.

And like, I think it's like tacky to send your message to your other friend.

And when your room's like three feet away, and given what Alexia said in the mud room, she basically made it seem like it's Marisol behind a lot of the things she does.

And she said, Marisol, the one that puts all these things in my head.

So that's what it's tacky.

That's what I think is tacky.

And you know what?

I think that Stephanie in this situation is actually correct.

It was tacky.

Like Stephanie was being tacky about the plane 100%, but Marisol was being tacky by just being a no-show.

That's what I think.

I think it was tacky too.

I will give her that.

I think she's right on that.

But then she lies again when she says, Mary Sol is the one that puts these things in my head and she knows I'm the mouthpiece.

That's not what she said.

She said, Mary Sol and I, we know, you know, we're two different people, but just so you know, I'm the one that has the bigger mouth.

So I'll say it.

But she always thinks like me, if not more.

That's not saying she puts the words in in her head.

That's saying they both have the same opinions, but she's the only one with the balls to say anything.

It's not the same thing as being her mouthpiece.

I don't think.

I don't come in balls ablazing, but I do come in balls of chugging, right?

With Steve, you know, anyone?

Hey, definitely say,

it's just that like when somebody can't really manipulate you, they make you feel like you're crazy.

And I don't have my feeling like I don't have my feelings all over the place.

And she's like, what?

Listen, I am the farthest thing from a manipulator.

Go to the other side of the room.

That's That's not me.

Just get out of my face.

You need to be on your own for your own issues.

Maybe fight with Gertie.

You have an issue with me.

Okay.

Or maybe fight with Adriana.

I don't know.

Think about it.

That's you and you.

Okay.

But I am not a manipulator.

Wow.

Before the father with Julia, that could be fun too.

Oh, Mary.

So give yourself a little credit.

You're one of the greatest manipulators in Bravo history.

Like, you do a good job.

You're good at it.

And you do it.

You know, take credit.

Take credit for things sometimes.

And she's like, well, her blaming me for problems with Alexia is crazy.

I mean, she was starting non-stop with her Todd commentary, which is true as well.

I mean, they're both making great points.

And I think it's because they're both making points that the other one is an asshole.

So I think that they're both correct, actually.

Yeah.

So Stephanie's like, well, maybe this is your norm because you're married to a crazy guy that, oh, sorry, that was a flashback of me.

Remember when I said that?

That was so hilarious.

So Marisol's like, look, it has nothing to do with me.

And I think everyone here has a little bit of amnesia.

Mine comes from all the cockies that I drink all the time outrageous

well i think that like deep down to the core like i was hurt and that's where i'm coming from she goes i'm sorry you're hurt my any mouse like i knew not going on the plane might hurt you and i want to work things out and be friends i just you know what i want to go on that plane one day i want to poop on your plane all right am i gonna get to make up a lot of poop on your plane jetiket it's called jettiquet okay and this is the reason why my sisters weren't allowed on the plane and this is why they don't won't talk to me to this day because they want to take a poop on my plane and i said you can't do that and and then they're these stupid bitches who go off and won't talk to me when i'm the one who just is trying to enforce jetiquet okay and i feel like we can be great friends if we were just like a little more straightforward with me if you especially if you were more straightforward with me instead of like going through alexia you got that marisol

all right fine because i love you and i don't want to fight all right well it's not to love

So then

they go look at the art.

And now Adriana is introducing her best friend, Carol, to the artist.

And she's like,

this is Carol.

She's She's a fashion stylist.

She's been dressing me for 17 years.

She's my ride or die and she's black.

She's my black friend who's going to stand up for me today.

Does everybody understand this without me labeling it 20 times in this scene?

Okay.

This is my black friend who's known me for a long time and will be able to testify on my behalf in case it needs to be brought up.

Okay, great.

So then Carol's like, oh, Chris Rivers, you have a horrible accent.

It's like, really?

Oh, no.

It's like, yeah, it's British.

I know.

I love love it, babe.

I love it so much.

See how it's being coy.

So then outside, Alexia is talking to Kiki, Julie, Mary, Julia, Mary Sol, and Lisa.

And she's like, I don't know if you girls know, but Julia always comes to the beauty bar.

Okay.

So anyways, I was thinking, I can have you girls come over sometime this week at the beauty bar and we can teach Lisa how to put up a tree.

you know, because like Lisa paid for somebody to do that tree, you know?

And it was actually Frankie's idea because we could have a happy hour, you know?

But if you're going to fight, don't do it in front of Frankie.

Please promise me right now, we're not going to fight in front of Frankie, please.

So everything's going nicely.

People are being silly.

Larsa and Gurdy are being silly.

And then Lisa's with Larsa.

And Lisa's like, wow, everyone's getting along, which is.

It's always the moment someone says that on any of these shows, that's the moment that the villagers close all the shutters and like turn off the lights and lock the doors.

So Lisa and Larsa are hugging and boob touching and stuff.

And Julie's like, oh my God, can I tell you?

I'm so loving you hugging.

But, you know, I miss Adriana.

I see her standing there and I miss her so much, which is why I never call her, reach out to her, and ask her to be godparent of my child and have befriended her two worst enemies.

So I just miss it so much.

Yeah.

So then they all go, like, Larsa and Adriana.

Larsa pulls Adriana because she has to get Adriana more angry about the

cake.

So they pull over and then Kiki is confiding to Gertie and Alexia about the cake.

She's explaining how she feels really bad and came across as shady and she's trying to have light, you know, like trying to bring light to it and everything was fine.

And all was, it's all dancing and that was the goal.

And I'm like, that's fine, Kiki, but you, you really need to go tell Adriana this because you're running out of time and I know what happened.

Do it immediately.

Do it immediately.

Right now.

Telling the wrong people.

So then they're sitting down and at least goes guys

so adriana uh julia was having a conversation and she was saying how much she misses you and she's saying that she misses you so much like she misses hugging the way larsa and i hug come on hug and she's like yes at that moment when i saw you do boob the boob i do i go to go to i was like oh I thought about you, Adriana.

That's like great.

That's like great and like really like touching like, but you know what?

Let me ask you a question.

Like, who put the math equation on the birthday cake?

Like, because, like, that was math, and it was really like heart-like, and I just need to know

the insincerity of this moment of, like, let's put, let's pull Adriana and Julia together to remind them that they can be great friends, but let's also like talk about that icing that we think that Julia did to get at you, Adriana.

Yes, exactly.

Oh, yeah, but but Kiki did it, Kiki did it, and Lars is like, What, but, like, we were gonna tear them apart, like, what?

Kiki did it.

Like, yeah, well, you weren't supposed to say it out loud though kiki did it

but she should like know like and andreana's like that was

shady really kiki hurting me once wasn't enough

so then we see the clip of stop being so ratchet did you just call me ratchet uh you're too old to be talking like this to people this is agesome And we see the flash.

I love that moment.

Every time they show Kiki saying, you are too old to be talking like like this.

I was like, it's so good every time.

So mean.

So she's like, you really have to put your meanness in writing?

So she's like, talk about my art.

Talk about my music.

Don't talk about my age.

Oh, really?

Someone talks about your art and your music and you're going to be okay with that.

Come on.

It's like, normally I'm not such a sensitive person.

Right, babe.

Right, right.

But I just don't know why she would do that.

Like, why would she do that?

Well, I don't think Kiki did it in a mean way.

She's like, but there's like no other way to say it.

Like, Julia, stop talking.

There's like no other way.

Larsa, there is another way.

Actually, you're being an asshole because you are, you're trying to get Adriana mad.

And like, there is a way where, like, like anyone could see that, like, like, if that's written on a cake, yes, it could have been like done in a bitchy way, but I think most people would give a friend a benefit of the doubt and say, oh, they were trying to make a joke that didn't land.

But Larsa's like, no, that.

cannot happen whatsoever.

She's like, yeah, she like already called you old.

Do you remember that?

Or do you not remember?

Cause you're so old.

Is your memory going?

Sorry.

So, yeah, so Julie is like, well, you know, this was maybe a conscious equation.

And do you remember when you were like tipsy telling Mary Sol about her knees, though, Adriana?

She's like, um, but I'm older than Mary Soul.

And that was okay because Marisol and I go a long way.

It's different.

It's different when I'm age-shaming someone.

No, it's not really.

You're being a fucking hypocrite and you're being a baby about this cake.

Just

you really are.

Okay.

Yeah.

So you can't be sad about your age and then also not act it.

Okay.

But then we get a flashback of my favorite part of the season.

Fuck off, you old whore.

Get plastic surgery on your wrinkled knees because they need it.

So you're defending Kiki.

It was great.

You're defending Kiki with her eyes at the maroulette.

You're defending her.

Like, that's why, that's why when you ask me why I'm not close to you anymore, that's because you're defending Marisol and Geeky.

She's like, oh my God, you know what?

Maybe I'm not so close to you anymore because you're pushing me away because it is so difficult to be around you.

She's like, no, because you're so close to them now.

She's like, no, because you're difficult.

You're not fun anymore.

Ooh, that's.

When someone's already feeling sensitive about their age and you say, you're not fun anymore after their birthday.

Julia.

Oh, my God, Julia.

And so she's like, but you're defending everyone else except me.

And she goes, and Lisa's like, oh, I'm just happy it's not us, honey.

And Lars is like, yeah, I seem like Levi started this.

Like,

I know.

Adriana's telling us that my best friend, air quotes, Julia, always side with people that I'm having a problem with.

I'm like, but you're always having problems with people, Adriana.

But that being said, I mean, we all acknowledge and we've seen that Julia basically sold out her friendship with Adriana to be in with the cool kids.

But that being said,

Julia's like, you know, I have her back all the time at my own expense at the risk of losing some new friends of the group.

And we do see a montage of Julia really having Adriana's back a lot.

And we also see, I had totally forgotten how Julia like poured a bowl of ice or like Marisol at one point.

Yeah, she tried it.

Yeah.

So I guess she's sort of her thing.

Yeah, that's her thing.

So then,

yeah, we see all these clips of her going hard.

But of course, that was last year.

So the argument isn't that she didn't do it.

It's that she doesn't do it anymore.

So Julia is like, but now I see red flag, red flag that I have not seen over the last few years.

And so

now

Adriana is like, it's not okay.

It's not okay to have prejudice.

It's not okay.

They're like, what?

So now it's starting to turn.

It's starting to go into a weird place.

Like, I don't know what she was even meaning with that.

So now Alexia comes over.

I'm going to complete the spoils.

Right.

So Alexia comes over to comfort Kiki over the cake.

And she's like, once you say your true intentions and you explain it, like there's nothing to argue about.

So just do it.

Surely she'll be very calm and accepting when you go talk to her.

And if Adriana had said, Kiki, I can't believe you wrote that on the cake.

That was so mean.

Kiki might have been able to explain her side and whatever.

But instead, Adriana goes, like, she goes to

like the the nasty, not the nasty place, but she's like, can I, Carol, am I racist?

She takes it to the next level of like, we don't have to bring race into this.

She goes, Carol, am I racist?

She goes, no, you're not.

Who says that you're a racist?

Well, Kiki is telling me and calling me a racist.

And he doesn't realize I have black friends.

Oh my gosh.

So now that we know that, first of all, we know they didn't call her racist.

They didn't even say problematic.

They didn't even, they didn't even say as much as we did.

I mean, I was like, that is shitty.

You can't just be calling a black woman ratchet.

Like, they didn't even go that far.

They just said ratchet's not a nice word, basically.

but whatever she's gotten in her head that she because she knows someone obviously explained to her at some point when you call a black woman ratchet that is problematic you can't do that and so now she's like oh so they're going to try and cancel me and make this that i was calling her a word i didn't call her i was saying ratchet okay i still think she was saying ratchet like i don't care yeah but um even if she did say ratchet i think that it would be

I think it would be understandable if she said, look, I said ratchet.

It's something I hear all the time, like slang.

I didn't, I wasn't aware that it was

offensive to black women.

I just thought it was like a general diss, right?

That would have been acceptable.

But then she's making it like, no, I said wretched because that's such a normal thing to call people to, you know, the whole thing.

But then coming back, so I think she's been festering thinking, oh my God, they've been calling.

They tried to insinuate that I was being racist and they're going to try to cancel me.

And that's why she's been so sad.

Cause after that episode, they went, they did the Bravo FanFest thing.

And now they're on the boat and she's not talking.

And I think she's like, oh, great.

If I open my mouth, they're going to try and comfort me and call me a racist.

Yeah, that's exactly a home.

That's a really good point.

So then Adriana was like, no, they're mentioning my age.

You know what?

They're shaming my age because I use the word ratchet.

Like, what?

Ratch, rush.

What?

Rushed.

Carol's like.

So then Carol goes, ratchet is a word for everybody.

It has nothing to do with racism.

So don't let anybody make you feel that way.

you know you're not you know what i mean i mean look around you all your friends are chocolate sisters and adrian's like see i have black friends i was like

uh not the strongest like not the strongest case here

anytime somebody is called racist or problematic and immediately goes i'm not racist i have a black friend my black friend never thinks i'm race i'm dating a black person how dare you it's like oh my god it's just so cringy and i hate this for adriana i hate this i know it.

She's like, Kiki, you're calling me a racist because I used the word ratchet.

So Carol has some words for you.

Black friend, would you like to say something?

It's basically like, a black person has my back.

Would you like to say it was like so, like, it was so cringy.

And Kiki's like, who called you racist?

She goes, you did.

She's like, who told you I called you racist?

She goes, because you are saying that I called you ratchet.

I never said you're racist.

Tell her,

tell her, Carol, tell her what ratchet means.

It's like so insulting.

And then Kiki is turning to to Gertie and she's like, she says like all her racists.

And Gurdy's like, who?

What?

Huh?

What?

Huh?

What?

Huh?

And they're both like.

So Gertie is like, so wait, she called you a racist?

And Audrey goes, yes.

And Gertie says, when?

When?

When?

Tonight?

Did this happen tonight?

Did it happen after I stuck the landing or before I stuck the landing?

Because there's like two times in history tonight.

Okay.

When did this happen?

And she's like, when I used the word ratchet, I meant miserable.

Kiki's like, I'm not going to deal with this.

kiki was like ready to apologize and she's like oh no now you're gonna you're gonna take it to this level i'm not dealing with this and she just walks away she just walks out because adriana is losing her now and she's like yelling about this and she's like no she thinks there's a racial connection which i did not use by the way she says i meant miserable well that's not what wretched means either uh so kiki does it

you could say it i think miserable and wretched are yeah

close enough.

Okay, I rescind.

So Gertie's like, okay, I understand.

And she's like, no, it was not racial.

So Kiki's like, I never called her racist.

Like, I don't know where she got that from.

I don't even understand.

Like, I don't think anyone in this group is racist.

And she's like, oh, you know what?

Had Carol been sitting at that table and if I use that word, would you take it personally?

Carol, say it as a black person.

Carol's like, no, it's Carol doesn't.

It's fine if Carol doesn't.

It's fine if Carol doesn't because you have a different relationship with Carol.

Just as you

previously said about five seconds ago, how like it's one thing if you age shame Marisol is different than if Kiki age shames you because you have a different relationship, but like contacts always matters in these things, it's just like not uniform.

And like Carol's experience may be one thing, and Carol may receive it in a different way, but like you have a different context with Carol.

You have a 17-year-long context with her in a way that you don't with Kiki.

And also like the surrounding conversation about it is different, is different.

The point is, Adriana is being ridiculous, and she could have just said, well, I thought we had settled this.

Why did you make fun of my age on that cake?

But I think like, I think your theory is very strong, which is that Adriana is living in fear of quote unquote cancel culture.

And she's been festering and then she's angry about it.

She's angry that she's going to get canceled.

And she's worked up this whole thing in her head.

And now she's like, it's the last straw.

I can't deal with it anymore.

And I've got brought proof.

that you can't cancel me.

And no one's, and meanwhile, everyone's like, we weren't going.

Literally, no one was doing that.

Oh my gosh.

And so she's like okay well i want carol who's a black woman in case you didn't notice who i love and adore to give her position on this give her a microphone get carol up

and gertie is sitting there like she's telling us she's like oh a little bit less like like everyone's just like okay

i love you but

then

Kiki does her like every season Kiki does something that's like wait what and Kiki goes out to the street she walks up to like an Amazon truck and she's like, I need help.

I need to get out of here.

Give me a ride.

Was it production?

I didn't know what that was, but I love the idea that it's an Amazon driver.

She's like, please, I'm a model.

Please help.

They're like, okay, ma'am, get on in.

And she just thought that's only happened in the movies.

There's always like a movie where some regular person is there and the model has to fly.

I mean, it's Notting Hill.

It's like, I need to get away.

Take me wherever.

That's pretty person privilege, totally.

Like, I need to go somewhere.

You'll take me, right?

I'm beautiful.

They're like, like sure get on in

yeah

so julia's like where did she go she disappeared on some kind of magic she went out the street where there are lots of cars and cabs and she disappeared it's like yeah she got a ride so adrian's like i don't care about the cake i care about being called racist because what i meant was w-r-e-t-c-h-e-d which means miserable wretched okay

okay yes yes when yes you show me the the definition you know but but and Larsa's like, yeah, she also speaks five different languages, like, so like, that's my point about something.

You know what?

There's like math on cake, and I think we need to talk about that.

When I went downstairs, she's gone.

I look everywhere and she's left.

She basically left.

She's basically my daughter at this point.

Just nowhere to be found.

Why are you protecting her instead of me?

You're supposed to be my best friend.

Martina, I mean, sorry.

God, Martina, I can't believe I just called you Martina when you're just not nearly as sexy as she is.

Oh my god.

Really, really?

You're not even worried about my feelings?

She called me racist.

And I have to call Carol to have my back and not you.

How about that?

How about what a good friend you are?

Oh, yeah.

And Julie's like, oh, the problem is she feels like everyone has bad intentions.

And that's just not true.

She's like, oh, she's trying to get me canceled and get me in trouble and calling me a racist.

Carol, who has been my black friend longer than you've been my non-black friend, knows who I am.

This is exactly what everyone for years was warning me about, and I refuse to listen.

I'm ready to go.

I think, actually, I think Julia is actually right about something.

I do think that Adriana, because of whatever her past experiences

in life, does think that everyone has the worst intentions.

And what's more problematic is that she just naturally assumes that Kiki is trying to get her canceled.

And actually, Kiki was not trying to do that at all.

Kiki was merely trying to be like, hey, what you said right there, that's wrong.

It's fucked up.

It's problematic.

And the fact that Adriana has now imposed this mindset, she's added this thing like, oh, well, she wants to get me canceled.

She wants to remove me.

She wants to get me fired.

The fact that she has now

placed this like malevolent scheme on Kiki is, that is actually really offensive.

And that, that is what's more, I think, actually almost even more racist.

I mean I don't know I'm a white guy But like like it's it's that is really the offensive thing when someone's just trying to say hey, don't call me that because that's like that like upsets me There's a lot of connotation attached to what you just said and Adriana takes it as like now look at her trying to scheme her scheme scheme her way and get me off this show

Well, it's almost like that happened in that that argument happened the wretched ratchet thing happened.

They had the apology and the I'm sorry for calling you old and then she thought okay well maybe I can let this go.

And then it's immediately like, oh, now she's fucking me with me for a cake.

So she is still coming for me.

She is going to come for me and they're going to call me race, you know, who knows?

But whatever is going on in her head, this was a terrible episode for her.

Oh my God.

This was just so cringy and so hard to watch.

I was like, you've been doing so well all season.

Why?

Why?

As Adriana, you can't, she can't do well.

Yeah, but Adriana Adriana usually has some kind of fun aspect to her fights.

Like, she's so campy and ridiculous that her fights are usually kind of funny.

But this is just, oh, no, girl, no.

Well, no.

But good episode as usual.

So we'll be back next week with the season finale of Real Housewives and Majam Jams.

Yes, we will be there.

And thanks, everyone, for being here today.

And we will see you all at Crappy Hour tonight.

Bye, everyone.

Bye.

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