#3018 RHOSLC S603 Part 1: Poster Child

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Watch what crap is.

Watch what crap is.

Kiss what happens with this.

So much that rapids.

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Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens.

I'm Ronnie and that's Benuni over there.

Hello, Ben.

How are you?

Hi, Ronnie.

How's it going?

How are you?

Are you?

Good.

Welcome to the show, everybody.

It's Salt Lake City Day.

I am Greek.

I am Greek.

Coming to you with breaking news on Salt Lake City.

It's a huge day.

We found out Angie came out of the closet yesterday.

She is Greek.

She is officially Greek.

Crazy.

Wow.

I was concerned.

I was concerned that that wasn't like that she might be Luxembourgian.

But now we know for sure.

My sweet little dolma over there.

So welcome, everybody.

We did Love Megan with Love Megan.

Sorry, no disrespect intended, Megs.

We did the Netflix show with Love Megan over on our Patreon this week.

Go check that out.

And if you want videos every day of our shows, all you have to do is go to Patreon.

Thanks to everybody over at Patreon.

Sure, love you.

And

we're going to be doing Crappy Hour live this coming Monday, the something

at 5.30 p.m.

Pacific time.

You can find that over on our YouTube.

You can find reminders on our Instagram, all that good stuff.

So join us for that.

You know what?

That's all I have to say about that.

And that's it.

That's all you got to say.

So how are you feeling?

It's Monday.

Feeling great.

Feeling great, highly entertained by Salt Lake City as usual,

and really amused by Whitney Rose going nuts at the end.

Also, very happy to have our taglines at long last.

And I actually, on the whole, I actually really liked this crop of taglines um whitney's was hilariously over i mean not it's not overproduced it's over labored it's it's too much i don't know but it was so whitney rose um i guess i'm i'm feeling good and i'm having a nice morning i had an omelette so that's that's a nice touch that's a big one it's a nice touch i had an omelette uh

my fantasy football season one

first time all season okay well that's pretty good i was gonna say we're doing nothing but i mean you had an omelette and you have a fantasy football, so that's more than me.

Yeah.

I practice seventh chords on the piano.

What do you think about that?

Wow.

Okay, so let's get to it.

We are with Salt Lake City season six, episode three.

And we opened at the Vita to at the premiere Vita Tequila Lounge.

Dun dun dun.

Yes, but you know what, though?

Why don't we, we should talk about the taglines.

Should I bring them up?

I'm going to pull up the taglines.

Oh, you vampire.

We haven't even asked yet.

The taglines were in this episode.

I know.

They're in our notes, though.

They're just after this little.

Yeah, I guess.

I was like, wait.

Oh, no, maybe they're not.

You know, they're not.

That was.

Oh, darn.

I thought they were here.

I mean, what the hell?

We have to look up our taglines now.

That's okay.

We can do it.

We can

send some little taglines.

Wow.

The Salt Lake City 6 taglines hint at major tragedy and lies.

Wow.

Okay.

That's a little dramatic.

Okay.

Tragedy.

Here we go.

I'm sending you 10 lies.

That's a bit, it's a bit much.

Okay.

Okay.

Well,

it's amazing how many articles are out there that say they have the taglines that actually don't have the taglines.

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

I'm looking at reality T.

I think we're supposed to watch a video.

I ain't watching that video.

I already saw it.

We want to see texts.

I already saw it.

We want to see texts of the taglines.

All right.

well you know what we don't have the tagline you know what yes we do we have them on good old-fashioned reddit where else are you going to get anything in this world thank god the biggest news organization on the planet ready toe okay sending it over to people are people enjoying the um the real-time oh oh wait i found it on reality t

you did wait a new real well

a different reality t sorry reality no i got conned again oh no i did i did i did i found it everyone i found it guys this is uh for the listeners who's worried not very pain over this.

This is what we do off.

Oh, you all started.

This is how we start.

We've had literally 12 something, something hours to prepare.

And we're like, what?

Okay.

So, first up is Lisa Barlow.

Okay.

Tequila is my livelihood, my lifestyle, and always top shelf.

Tequila, yeah, Tequila's my livelihood.

That's good.

Wait, these are, Ronnie, these are a year ago.

You gave old taglines.

Oh, I did?

Yes, here.

Don't, but that wasn't that throwback.

The receipts, proof, and the screenshots.

Oh, God.

If it was, I'd rather did that fucking receipts, proof, timeline thing again.

Okay, well, here we go.

I sent you a new reality T link.

They rank them, what they say from best to worst.

I just want the audience to know that this isn't necessarily our ranking, but this is the order in which we'll be reading them off of the website.

So thank you, Internet.

Like, this is the moment that the internet is failing for us.

I just want to also point out like the internet is so reliable.

And why is it that on this one,

it's so difficult for us?

So

it's ranked from best tourists.

I agree with their first ranking.

Yeah, this one's a really good one.

This is Mary Cosby saying, I'm just here to eat, drink, and be merry.

Yeah, because that is all Mary is there to do.

She's literally like, I'm just going to show up at the lunches and and make comments and I'm fine with it.

That's all I really need from, that's all I really need because she does that very, very well.

Their setup they're taking these pictures on are very, is very gorgeous, by the way.

Yeah.

They have like a ski lodge set and it's very pretty.

Yeah.

Well, it sort of looks like an AI rendering, but

that's, it's an, it's, it's well prompted.

Like they're.

Well, we're all going to be living there soon.

So just get used to it.

Get ready to upload your brain and be sent there.

But it's very nice.

You know, the the rug is very vacuumed you see the clean lines in the rug and they're wearing blues blues and purples and mary is wearing like an evening gown with big fuzzy sleeves well these these are also old as well because oh for christ's sake can i can we get anything new pictures well because the picture the the new imagery for this season is they're all in white and these are image these are this is just what i think what reality t could find oh okay um and i love pictures it doesn't take away from the fact that they're very nice pictures i love their coffee too.

It's really funny.

No one does a real housewives tagline like Mary Cosby, whether she's threatening to send Jesus after people or saying her co-stars look like sheep.

You never know what she's going to say.

It's true.

Okay, next up is Angie.

I am Greek and the rest are just a tragedy.

That's really good.

I really like that one a lot.

And

I especially like that she said, I am Greek.

Yeah.

I'm like really happy she finally got to just say it, say it in a tagline.

I am Greek and the rest are just a tragedy.

It's pretty cute.

The next one is Bronwyn that says, if my closets had skeletons,

at least they'd be well dressed.

Actually, I don't think this is a very strong one.

I wouldn't, reality T ranking this as their number three favorite, I think is a little generous.

I think she should have said something like, they're trying to come for me, but my lips are sealed.

Because her whole thing is like she won't answer questions about her fraud and grand theft and all that stuff because the cases are sealed.

So I think she should have had a sealed thing, or you know, I don't know, something about going after someone in court.

I don't know.

Or if my closet had skeletons, those skeletons would have started a company called Pom Pilot

if my closet had skeletons, Christian Siriano would dress them.

Yeah, and I would pay for it.

I've never heard someone brag so much about having to pay a designer, by the way, because she's really like very proud of the fact that she's one of the only people that pays Christian Siriano.

And then I'll watch what happens live.

He's like, yeah, she does pay.

She's one of the only ones who pays.

And she paid for this dress too.

And she's like, yeah, I paid.

And I was like, that's, I don't know.

You're supposed to brag about getting things for free, not paying for them.

You know, if you're a celebrity

but i think on the real but like that's what new money does is like you actually brag about what you could afford not like not what well yeah you could afford it but you don't have to you know that's why lisa lisa rena is always going to the oscars for free because she finds people to give her a table you know she probably could buy a table but you know it's better that you can be like oh elton invited me okay yeah

elton's a huge days of our lives fan from back in the day huge so next up is lisa Barlow.

I don't go low.

I go the dust sides.

See, I think that's very good.

That's a good reference to like one of her taglines from last season.

I think that reality tea should have ranked it higher.

And I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I know this is not a referendum on reality tea, but like if you're going to do the ranking, then this is

how it happens.

But I do think that the Lisa Barlow one should be, I think that should be number three and not number four.

I think it's a very strong contender.

Yeah, I mean, I think that one's okay.

okay um so then we oh you're next

meredith marks while you drop lies i'm dropping the beat

which is funny to anyone who has no idea if people if there's someone watching the show who has no idea that she has this like

this little dj career that she's kickstarting literally tomorrow night in los angeles is her tour then you're just so confused like what does it mean that meredith marks has the is dropping the beat like she literally there's nothing about her that seems like there's rhythm like this i do not associate the concept of rhythm with meredith marks

well you will now buddy yeah i'm excited to see her um journey her dj journey uh next up is heather gay my nest is almost empty and the bird is ready to soar

yeah i uh that's stupid this it's

yeah

yeah it's like it's just like you're still guilt you're guilt tripping your daughters in your tagline.

Like this bird's wings are clipped.

This mama bird is sad in her nest watching other birds fly, but finally she can fly, but maybe it's too late for her because she'll fly and not fly as well and get attacked by a hawk.

And it's kind of her daughter's fault because she had to spend so much time with them in the nest.

Yay.

Disgusting daughters are out of here.

Goodbye, gross, smelly, disgusting daughters.

That's not even catchy, Heather.

Heather's not.

Hey, Heather, what do you want for your tagline this year?

I hate my children.

She posted something on Instagram a few days ago that was like, one of the great honors of my life is raising my daughters.

It was like a carousel about her daughters.

I was like, nice backpedaling.

Even though I think you're totally, it's totally fine to say,

like, thank God the kids are out of the house.

I think it's like totally valid.

Yeah.

And I don't think that I have no issues with that whatsoever.

I just think it's funny that she sort of is like, she's like trying to sort of play it both ways.

Like, No, I mean, I love my daughters.

I really do.

I just, I'm so miserable that they're in the house.

I mean, no, I mean, I love them though.

See?

You know, it's totally normal, I think, for a parent to be like, oh my God, the kids are out.

I've got a whole new life.

What do I do?

It's like the empty nest storyline.

We've seen it a million times.

We've seen it in real life a million times.

I mean, we're of the age where we know tons of people whose kids are out of the house and all that stuff.

So it's like, it's not like it's something new to us and it's not a disgusting thing to say.

I'd have a party when my kids left.

Yeah.

Personally, it's just how she's handling it is so ham-handed.

I think she thinks she's doing something that she's not, you know, I think she's going with the, I'm going to do an empty nest storyline.

So I'm going to talk about it every time I'm on screen about how excited I am to finally be an empty nester.

But it's coming across as like, fuck those bitches.

I'm sad they came out of me at the first place.

And I'm glad their stinky asses are out of here.

I hope I never have to see them again.

Well, because her problem is that she's trying to link it to her Mormon trauma.

So she's like, you know, I was told I just have to be be a mother and I have to do this.

And I couldn't even be myself.

And I was trapped and I was in my bed and I had to do this.

But now that they're out, I can finally be me.

Instead of saying, like, I'm so excited for my daughters, but I'm also so excited to start a new chapter where for the first time, it's just me.

And I can see what it's like to be adult Heather and not having to look after anyone except for myself, which is, I think, a different body.

That should be the tagline.

Say it again.

I'm kidding.

Starting a new chapter.

I love my daughters and I'm so excited.

I'm just kidding.

It's like a whole paragraph long.

She would do that.

Proof.

Timeline.

Thank God my daughters are out of my receipts.

My proof.

Speaking of paragraphs, we end with Whitney Rose, who is:

Roses are redheads.

Violets are blue.

Don't come for me or I'll come for you.

It's so stupid.

We're talking about tenuous grasps on real housewives taglines.

This has to be the most tenuous.

I mean, and storylines in general.

I mean, everyone else, you know, some people are giving Angie shit for saying I am Greek too much.

I don't care if she says that she's Greek.

every five minutes.

Guess why?

Because she's Greek.

And guess why else?

Because that's what Greek people do.

Have you guys met a Greek person?

Okay.

Yeah, that's true.

We're almost as bad.

I would like to say we're almost as bad as Lebanese people.

We're similar.

I would like to say that we're similar, but we get when I first had a group of Greek friends in high school, I mean, we're our cultures are very similar, right?

Greek and Lebanese.

Our food is very similar, I should say that, and very family-oriented and all that.

Like my whole family went to see my big fat Greek wedding, I think a million times, because we've all been to that wedding before in our own family.

Like, we get it, okay?

A Lebanese person will get that.

And anyone who's known a Greek person knows that they're like that.

So I don't mind Angie's, but Whitney's, I mean, Whitney's is that she got red hair in solidarity with her daughter because her daughter gets bullying for red hair.

First of all, what country are we in?

We don't bully people for red hair here.

That's England.

Like, ginger is a cute name here, isn't it?

I don't think that's something.

Don't we have enough that we're bullied over in this country?

We've got enough.

Stop fucking bullying redheads, you idiots.

If you do that,

you know what?

Shame on you if you you do that.

And double shame on you for giving Whitney Rose this storyline because I already can't stand it.

Well, Whitney knew she was setting a trap for Lisa Barlow to fall into, which she does later this episode when Lisa's like, redhead, redhead.

So, you know, oh, yeah.

We've, she already posted a big victim thing on Instagram about it, which I'll read when we get to that part.

But I do think it's tenuous.

I mean, like, the initial pun of like, roses are red is funny because, like, she's Whitney Rose.

Roses are red.

She has a red hair.

But then they sort sort of don't know where to go with it like roses are red violets are roses are redheads violets are blue but then the don't come for me or else i'll come for you is like just it sort of is like a declining thing it's like that um that meme of like the donkey or the horse that's being drawn really beautifully but by the end of the horse it's just like

it's just like scribble scrabble that's what that line is like Yeah, well, you know, she tried it, but it is funny because it's still a Whitney tagline.

Roses are red heads.

Violets are blue.

Rest.

Don't come for me

heads.

Or I'll come

for you, beds.

Okay.

Just also.

Are we done?

Can I go home?

She recites it so slowly.

I'm like, you're taking up 37% of the opening credits just getting through your line.

Whitney can never leave this show because she makes me laugh fucking consistently.

Every single episode, she makes me laugh.

You have triggered me.

I am so triggered.

I mean, I just love it.

Okay, so here we are.

We open at the premiere Vita Tequila Lounge.

And this is my favorite kind of Lisa scene where she just walks around barking orders at people who probably don't even work for her, you know?

Yeah, you know what?

Can we move those chairs?

Because there's chairs there.

You know what?

There's tables there.

Can we move the tables?

Because I don't like how those tables are.

Blake Lively doesn't like vertical tables.

Can we have three-legged tables?

Can we just get three-legged tables?

R.I.P.

Robert Redford.

I miss you so much.

After Amaz party, I'm like exhausted with like...

talking about these like ridiculous lawsuits with these girls because like while they're trying to convince themselves that i'm like in like dire straits the truth is i was never in that band okay So I'm just like moving on.

Okay.

So by the way, America, at this party that you're never going to see, that's at this random restaurant, we have Steve Carell, Jason Schwartzman, Corey Smith, Ramsey Youssef,

also the ghost of Nell Carter,

and as well as the Caesar Milan is going to whisper to some dogs.

It's going to be a huge party.

So is Sundance going on right now while they're shooting this?

What's happening?

Why are all these people coming to the premiere Vita?

Well, I just can't tell.

Maybe it was a Sundance party.

Should we look to see if there's a party that had all those people at it?

I did.

That's what I just Googled.

I don't even know who Corey Smith is, by the way.

And I don't like, and the fact that Corey Smith got higher billing than Rami Youssef is

shocking because I don't know who he is.

Oh, I think they're there because they starred in a film called Mountain Head Together, which I'm assuming shot in Salt Lake City.

Is that a Caporn?

Mountain Head.

You've seen me do a lot of things, boys, but you have never seen me give a mountain head.

Here we go.

Mountain Head.

Four wealthy friends meet for a retreat amidst growing global upheaval caused by AI-generated disinformation.

Oh, really?

So you're going to go to a retreat someplace

where the backdrop of the lodge was made with AI.

Okay.

Yeah, it stars Jesse Armstrong.

Oh, no, written by.

Okay, written by Jesse Armstrong.

Starring Steve Carell, Jason Schwartzman, Corey Michael Smith, Rami Youssef.

Wow.

Or as Lisa calls him, Ramsey Yousf, but maybe that's his full name.

Not sure.

But I just thought it was funny because I feel like he's known as Ramy.

Ramsey's Ramsey's Youssef.

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First of all, sounds like a great movie.

I have to say.

I mean, nothing.

You know what I love?

A movie about like four guys who get together during an AI apocalypse.

I'm like, hello, sign me up.

And I'd love the rich guys in the C Lodge talking about the end of the world.

I'm in.

I'm in.

Yeah.

Wow.

Great time.

Oh, yes.

Is his name Ramsey Yousf?

Okay, never mind.

I have to move forward.

Yeah, it's over.

Put down the IMTB.

It's over.

Put down the IMDb because next thing you know, you're going to be dragged into Heather Kent IMTB page, as we all do when we go to IMDB.

We fall down the Heather Kent wormhole.

By the way, as far as I I can tell, his name is Rami and Ramzi Youssef is someone completely different.

And we won't get into it.

Okay, well, maybe it was the other Ramsey.

I mean, we don't know.

We don't know what's going on at this party.

So, Lisa's like the other girls, they just don't understand what I do.

Like, they always wanted to manage it.

They always want to act like it's not happening and it's not real.

But I'm like doing stuff.

I'm doing stuff with Daniel Radcliffe, Usher, Dexter, Forrest Whittakar, Shaylene Woodley.

I'm a huge, like, it's like huge people.

Like huge.

It's huge.

When she says she's doing stuff with Usher, does she mean the recording artist?

Or is she just like telling an usher in the movie theater to get her more popcorn?

Because there is a difference.

You never know.

Maybe that's the one she's telling to move the table.

She's like, you know what?

I like horizontal tables.

I only like horizontal tables.

I love this like random hodgepodge of people that she's name-dropping.

Daniel Radcliffe, Forrest Whitaker, Usher.

I'm so confused.

I want to get to the bottom of it.

I'm surprised our Reddit sleuths have not dug up the veracity of these claims.

Well, we already found the first one.

Okay.

We already found why they would be there.

So I just put all of those names that she just mentioned into the search.

And the first thing that came up is IMDB, the 100 worst movies of 2020.

So congratulations, Shaylene Woodley.

Definitely find out, by the way, hello, workers.

Definitely find out if anyone has like a nut allergy.

Cause like my mouth doesn't like the nuts, but I love the way they taste.

Like luckily, I don't go into anaphylactic shock.

And John's like, so many jokes that can be said right now, huh?

But I'm really Mormon, so I'm not going to say them.

And she also says

anaphylic or something.

I like how she said, I like how she pronounced that.

She's like, you know what?

Yeah, not allergies because Blake, oh my God, watch out.

Get an EpiPen.

So, you know what?

No one understands in this group.

Like, if you're like huge, you get like sewed.

That's just how it is.

And you know what?

I've been sewed because I'm huge.

And so, you know what?

I'm going to be shooter tomorrow.

So I'm going to be sewed her tomorrow.

I'm going to be so sued.

And that's just what it is.

That's what it is because I'm huge.

And those girls just don't get it.

They just don't.

It's just because I'm really big.

So, sorry, girl.

Sorry, you're so small.

Yeah, we have, we're like lawyered up.

Like, we have more than six lawyers.

We have like a lawyer for everything.

We even got the Lincoln lawyer, both Matthew McConaughey and the guy who plays them on Netflix.

Yeah, we got them all, okay?

Because I'm fabulous and I'm fine.

Am I sounding too broggy?

But it's true.

I've done amazing things.

I've been in the same vicinity as Blake Lively.

That's pretty cool, if you ask me.

Yeah, we even used to have Janine Perrow, but she was drinking all the Vita, so we had to ask her to stop coming.

But still, lots of lawyers.

Huge.

So then we see a flashback where she's talking with Amy, the Utah socialite, that they give another chance to.

And I'm telling you, this Amy tried it today.

She said one thing today, which I was proud of, Amy, but Amy, you're not messy enough.

You're going to have to go.

Amy looks horrified by this.

I don't think Amy realized what she was getting involved with.

She does.

Amy looks horrified.

Yeah.

So we see a flashback to her hanging out with Amy and she's like, yeah, you know what?

Like, love this time of year because up at Blue Sky, like that's my favorite property in Park City.

And like me, you, Mary, Meredith, and Heather, we're going to go skate shooting.

Yeah, because then we're going to have a great little lunch after.

And then for the party after, like, I've invited other people that I don't like very much because they're going to be jealous that we were shooting at at Blue Sky.

Yeah, they don't get to you because they don't do big things.

Amy's like, so they're going to meet us.

Yeah, you can't talk.

You haven't been here long enough.

So I'm not going to let you finish the sentence.

Well, that's really big.

Yeah,

you can't talk.

Well, it's Blake Lively, though.

Blake Lively.

Yeah, my guy she's married to Ryan Reynolds, Deadpan.

I love Deadpan.

It's such a good movie.

I think Tom Cruise was going to be in it, but he was busy.

He was helping us with with the apps list at Vita.

I thought we were going to be able to do it.

Why is she still talking?

Who's this person?

So I won't be opening

the account here.

Yeah, it's done.

This isn't the same person.

Thanks for coming.

Why is this conversation so dead?

Yeah, you know, it's big.

Wait, do you see what I have planned for lunch, though, Amy, the social light?

Because I'm always the target.

So it's time to switch it around.

Okay.

Well, it's over.

Turn off the cameras.

Someone, don't make me shit with her again.

So then we go to Bron Wynn and Todd, and they're eating at Matteo Restaurant Italiano.

And

Bron Wynn is, they walk in, and Ronwyn's like, so, Todd, do you understand

why I brought you here?

Is it the early bird special?

Because I appreciate that.

Well, no, but I thought we'd have our own nice little taste of Italy.

No, I don't think so.

More like taste of butt farts.

That's what this place reminds me of.

Okay, Todd.

well just trying to trying to make things right between us so we're gonna have pasta todd you like pasta right right todd

she doesn't only say that she goes i wear dolce

which means we're having pasta oh great

you you're basically wearing 19 000 plates of pasta bron when great

so do they have Do they have

spenocchitti

al Werther's original?

Todd, they don't make Italian pasta sauce out of Werther's originals.

Well, I bet they do if you try and you just have to put some muscle into it.

Todd, I brought you to the place with the mushiest food in history.

Italian.

So she updates us on her life.

A lot has changed in my house.

Yep, the Newport Bradley household, which is a new thing that we're going with, Newport Bradley, has totally flipped because the biggest takeaway from New York was Todd's willingness to see that people were saying about how he speaks to me and he acknowledges it, which you'll notice in the scene as he crosses his arms right under his low-hanging nipples and stares at the exit the entire time.

So we're really working on things.

It's going great.

It's great.

I worked all day.

We're eating pasta.

I'm with Todd.

Everything said, if I'm being honest, Todd's probably made more changes than I have made since the new year.

I'm still the same old bee.

Okay, so what else is going on with Todd?

Did you play a crossword puzzle today?

What did you do all day?

Oh, I just made a couple of calls.

I called the department of get off my lawn, but I got a busy signal, unfortunately.

Yeah, what do you think I did?

I got dressed in the speedo, did some push-ups, tossed back some 40s with the bros.

What do you think I did?

I worked so you could wear some dolce and eat some mushy pasta.

You see, look at Todd.

He's really come back charming, hasn't he?

God, I love him.

I just love Todd.

Fun, light-hearted Todd.

Dolce and pasta.

When do we get to go to the Connie Francis retrospective?

After dinner, Todd.

So Bronwyn talks about her dad and how she was visiting him and he has good days and bad days.

And we find out that he has Alzheimer's, which is, you know, obviously very hard.

And he's been suffering from it for many years.

And then her mom had a brain tumor and she had surgery and she's fine but now she has to live with them indefinitely yeah and she's feeling guilt because she was trying to have the parents at her house but the dad was getting so bad and you know

they had to put him in care basically memory care and um todd's like well you know he needs professional care and that's what you set up for him now he's gone so get over it bromlyn like he's just so gruff you know he's got this like gruff way of going about it um which i'm not sure, but you know, he's basically like, we can't have two people searching for the remote control in this house.

It's like, oh, geez, Todd.

So she talks about this, which is crazy.

Alzheimer's really is just a horror of a damn thing.

It's just really, it's really ugly.

And so this sucks that she's having to go through this.

And she's talking about how her mom had a brain tumor and she's going to be fine and recover.

The only thing that really isn't getting better on her is her eyebrows, unfortunately, but I don't think that they could do that in the hospital.

So her mom stayed with her.

And we have to remember the history with her parents.

I mean, they like disowned her and all that stuff when she was pregnant.

So like kind of, you know, I'm not, I'm not rooting against them, especially the dad.

I mean, he's got Alzheimer's and stuff, but I don't think anybody sees the mom come on the screen and is rooting for her.

I'm actually rooting for Bronwyn to read her mother for filth on TV because that's kind of what people do on Housewives, where they're like, oh, really, mom?

Well, have some scenes on the housewives to show the audience what a monster you are.

And then we can watch them come for you on Instagram and Facebook for the rest of your life.

Enjoy your karma, mother.

So I'm all for it.

Yeah, that mom is not going to get red for the filth because you're already bleeding by the time you're ready to read her.

She's already stabbed you.

Okay.

I'm getting ready.

It's like those moments where like the, you know, like the villain's about to kill you.

like about to kill the protagonists and then all of a sudden they stop it and then like someone from behind has stabbed stabbed the villain

with a sword.

It's like, that's, yeah, that's Bromwyn's mom.

Bromwin's like ready to do the big read.

And it's like, nope, your mom already got you.

So

your mom always beats you with a punch.

Your mom.

Listen, you don't get drag queen eyebrows without being quick with the with this with the tongue.

So

we see early.

They're like eyebrows who belong to someone else.

It's weird.

Like they're, they're shaped like, you know, belong to divine.

But they're part of divine organ transplants.

They They start in the middle of the eyebrow, like over here, like in the center of the eye instead of.

Okay, what am I trying to say?

They start in the center of each eye instead of the center of the face, if that makes sense, right?

So instead of starting here, right in the middle of your nose, they start in the middle of each eye and go like this.

It's weird.

It's an odd choice.

It's like

when you make a Mii on your Nintendo and you can play around with the eyebrow location and you'd like put everything in hacky places.

I'm going to put my eyebrows on my temples

yeah exactly um so we see a flashback and uh bronwin is talking to meredith um about her dad and and they're really bonding about this and and she's telling meredith about how

um you know just about how how tough this all is and with gwen and everything and

And this was

on a boyfriend living there.

So she's running both a youth hostel and an elderly hostel.

And she's basically just like, there are so many social security numbers up for grabs.

It's crazy.

It really is crazy.

It's fun.

It's like Halloween.

My jack-o'-lanterns is full.

My jack-o'-lanterns is full of social security numbers.

So Meredith's like, well, that is insane.

So she, they bond over the dad's stuff.

And then we come back to the president and she's like, yeah, it was nice.

You know, Meredith was saying, we've known each other a long time, but we, we don't really know each other that well because she's friends with Lisa, but you know, we're not close, but this bonded us.

They bonded us, Todd.

Well, yeah, she sees you in a different light because what's going on, you know, it's not the friend group, whatever dynamics they can put on there.

You know, now she sees.

And she's like, yeah, you know, I talked to Meredith about that because she's close with Lisa.

And, you know, it was just interesting to see.

that she's gone through what I've been through, you know?

And people think in the hint of the moment that it's really hard to come back from, you know, things that Lisa said to me, I just, I can never come back from it.

I can just never come back from it, Todd.

Well, I don't know why you bother with her at all.

I mean, she doesn't even know the value of a five going to the five a dime and getting a malt, right?

And Bronwyn's like, well, it just, it bothers me when people don't like me.

Well, I got bad news for you.

What's that?

Have you met me?

Well, Todd.

It's like a lot of people don't like you, Bronwyn.

You're the only person in the neighborhood that goes out to get the newspaper and they throw it at your head on purpose.

No one likes you.

This whole town hates you.

No, they don't.

You know who I don't like?

Spiro Agner.

That's who I don't like.

And he never complained about that.

So

she's like,

what do you mean a lot of people don't like me?

No one likes you, Bronwyn.

Okay.

They started putting up speed pumps on our street just so people could slow down enough while they're pointing out the window, screaming, we don't like you.

Without hitting children on the street, Bronwyn, no one likes you.

She's like, geez, Todd, it would be nice if I felt a little bit supported.

By who?

I don't like you either.

I can barely sit here.

Supporting you is like supporting Hubert Humphreys.

It's not going to work out well for anyone.

So Todd is like, all the shit that Lisa, Lisa Barlow drove, you know, is said about you and is written about you.

It's unforgivable, hilarious, but unforgivable, completely unforgivable.

When he tells, she goes, who doesn't like me?

He goes, look at your Facebook.

She goes, okay, well, I don't use Facebook, but people do leave me mean comments on my Instagram if that's what you're referring to.

He's whipping out Facebook.

I went down to the social club.

No one likes you over there.

I was speaking to the Masons.

They hate you.

There, I said it.

So

he's like, Yeah,

she goes, you know what?

I can't help but overthink it, but I just want to fix it.

I want to make it right.

He's like, Why?

Why?

Why do you want to fix it?

She's like, Because it's easier.

It's just easier for everybody else.

And that's just me.

I just, I don't want to feel uncomfortable.

I just want everyone to like me.

That's me, Todd.

That's me.

He's like,

get rid of it.

You can't fix things.

You can't fix if people don't like you.

Okay.

So what if there's a very active GeoCities community that doesn't like you?

That's okay.

Those things happen.

Okay.

Cause all the shit that Lisa Barlow drove and said about you, it's just unforgivable.

Okay.

It's just, but how do I get to a place if she can loudly dislike me and it doesn't make me crazy?

I doubt you do because you're just so sensitive all the time.

There, I said it.

And then we go to Angie and her dad, dad, Louie's house, and she's brought him an orchid and some fruit.

Now, here's my problem with Angie.

Every time she feeds her dad, she's feeding him like lettuce and fruit.

You better bring me a cookie.

I've made it to 90 years old, and you're bringing me fucking pineapple.

You best get to the everything Bunt the Cake or

what's that place called?

All Bunt Cake.

Bunt Cake for Life.

Whatever the fuck it is.

Call me Kell.

Call me Bunt Cake.

That would be my gay movie.

Kale Me Malcolk.

Call me Bun Cake.

Bunt.

Bunt.

Bonnie Bunt.

Bonn by your Bunt Cake.

Yeah.

Bunt Mandelker.

So, yeah.

Don't bring me fruit when I'm old.

Don't even bring it to me now.

I'm old enough now that I can complain about people bringing me fruit.

I'm fruity enough.

Bring me a cake or a cookie.

I can't stand a fruit gift.

I can't stand it.

I don't just feel like it's fruit.

I don't like like fruit candy i think edible arrangements should be burned to the ground of all the like we watch all of these businesses close down borders books um various fast casual eateries that we've always enjoyed we watch them all go down and we're so sad and yet somehow edible arrangements survives who is doing this who are the people who decide they would rather spend their money on edible arrangements than borders books because it's actually kind of a brilliant it's kind of a brilliant thing if you think about it, because there are so many people that you have to buy a little gift for that you just have kind of a seething resentment towards.

And that's what those are for, I think, the edible arrangements.

When people send you an edible arrangement, they do not like you.

Okay.

They don't like you.

They're like, I have to send them something.

I'm going to send them fucking fruit in the shape of a bouquet.

Okay.

Yes, stupid.

And also, like, why, why is fruit the only edible arrangement there is?

Can you, if you, listen, if they made a bouquet out of of cookies i would be singing

exactly like why is it only

an iguana shaped out of croissants that's make me a make me a peacock out of a rice krispy treat that's actually very motable

so many ways like you know what that's what we're gonna start i've been thinking of a business like we need to start a business and i think that's what we should do edible edible arrangements that aren't shitty you know like that's the full name

call me by your edible arrangements.

It's not shitty.

Let's do it.

I'm in.

I'm putting down the save money.

$5.

Okay, whoever wants the first one, just come to us on Instagram.

I'll send it to you.

I'm so mad at them.

I'm so mad at them.

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I just like really, I never really articulated it until really just this moment that like we really have watched so many of our favorite institutions die over the years, right?

How many of them have closed?

Red Lobster was on the brink.

Luckily, someone saved Red Lobster, but I mean, how many of our favorite stores are no longer with us?

They're just gone.

They even took the old Navy out of the Beverly connection.

I mean, how am I supposed to live?

That's crazy.

That's ridiculous.

Malls are dying and boarded up.

Everything is done.

Everything is banged.

Joanne fucking fabrics is dead.

And yet, Edible Arrangements still is alive.

We have our priorities wrong as a nation.

This isn't political.

This is something we can all get behind.

Let's not put our money into edible arrangements.

Let's put it into Joanne Fabrics and Red Lobster in places where that money deserves to be.

Well, they needed better advertising.

Joanne's just needed to be like, do you have someone that you hate, but you have to buy a gift for?

Get them polyester at Joanne's or something

because the resentment is keeping that place alive.

Okay, so Angie goes over to her dad's and she's like, My father is my first phone call in the morning and my last phone call at the end of the night.

He's 89 and it is a blessing.

And he's like, Oh, God.

She's always calling.

Just when I was about to fall asleep, there goes my daughter calling, saying, Did you fall asleep, Dad?

And I say, Yes.

And she goes, I am Greek.

And I said, I know you're my daughter.

Every day, he asks me, Where has Border's books gone?

It was Greek.

It was Greek.

People don't realize the original name of it was Bordacapalopoulos.

So she just needs her daddy, you know, and she, you know, she needs her family.

So she's calling him all the time.

My dad would be like.

You know, I don't have any money for you.

Could you stop calling me?

Like enough, you know, like I need maybe once a week, but this is, this is getting ridiculous.

Do you need something?

Do you need to tell me something?

Why are you calling me again?

So he found some old photos and of, you know, of yesteryear.

And we see pictures of him when he was like 12 and everything.

And Angie's looking and she's like, look at how serious you guys were.

Wow.

Was the camera slow?

Was the camera slow?

Or were you just serious because of your life?

Like, have you guys seen your photos on the Bravo website?

You guys are looking like you're trying to stare down a vehicle have you seen you right now have you seen yourself in this scene she's literally like look at this photo

uh yeah i know i understood the question though because back then they would be like okay stand there stand there it's warming up

it's warming up it's coming and Okay, hold on.

We have to change the charge.

Okay, hold on.

Okay, light the string.

Okay, the string is fizzling over.

It's coming closer to us.

Like the string.

Dynamite.

It's dynamite that word.

Kaboom.

It is funny.

Like old-timey photos, everyone is very serious in them.

I want to know when people start to smile.

It's probably some bullshit post-war thing that happened, like in Levittown, Long Island.

It's like, we've got a house.

Now we've got to smile.

But I do wonder when

better when they didn't smile.

I wish we could normalize that again.

I have a picture that we took at the mall or something when I was a little kid with my cousin Matt.

And it was one of those where you dress like a cowboy and they take like an old-timey picture of you and it's like sepia toned or whatever.

And my memo had it hanging in her house forever.

And it was just always my favorite picture of me because we weren't allowed to smile and we just look pissed off like these pissed off, dirty little cowboys.

And I was like, maybe that was my time, except that you couldn't flush a toilet.

And I'm real, I'm like a huge toilet flusher.

So I wouldn't want to live back then.

But in general, bring back non-smiling pictures.

Well, guess what?

There is an answer to all of this.

We really only started smiling in photos in the 1920s and 30s.

During the Great Depression.

Isn't that just

during the happiest time in America when we were not allowed to touch alcohol, famously a glorious time?

Actually, it was a pretty fun time, the 20s.

But yeah, the Great Depression.

But apparently it was according to

Google, this was

because of technological advancements, because of faster cameras, also because of Kodak.

Kodak came around.

It was like they had the invention of Kodak moments and they were like trying to tell people to be more joyful.

So basically, Kodak made us smile.

And why people didn't smile in old photos?

Here's three reasons.

Long exposure times.

Angie gets a point on that one.

And because her butts were all chopped with poop because they didn't have like toilet paper yet and flushing toilets.

That's why.

Were you going to smile?

It was also serious social norms because portraits, whether painted or early photographs, were often seen as serious formal affairs, similar to grand painted portraits that typically did not feature smiles.

And finally, and this is a strong one, dental hygiene.

Poor dental health was common.

Oh, yeah, that's true.

Yeah, I can see that.

And

we all know if you try to cover your, yeah, if you try to cover your teeth while you're smiling, you just look like you're yeah, it's like the John, it's like the Seeley from the color purple or the John Ham thing where John Ham, like everyone's like, oh, he's just a serious actor.

That's why he never smiles.

But then he laughs and he's got like little tiny baby teeth.

And I think that's why he doesn't smile.

Yeah.

That's his teeth shame.

But I think ultimately Angie was correct because

it is slow camera times.

You see, that was one of the reasons.

So nailed it.

She's really on top of it.

So

she says it.

Was the camera

slow?

Were you just serious because of your life?

And he's like, yeah.

He's like, because it was a tough life.

You know, there was nothing to smile about.

We lived through war and hunger and cold.

Why would we suddenly smile now?

Right?

It's ridiculous.

So she's like, remind me of when the soldiers came into your village.

How old were you?

He's like, oh, well, I thought this was going to be a nice little tea time, but sure, I'll talk about the trauma of my childhood.

Yeah, he's like, can I enjoy my fucking pineapple?

I mean, Jesus.

He's like, all right, let's talk about the Germans again.

Here's Angie coming over to talk about about the fucking Germans again.

And I like, let me positively.

I like how he's like, oh, you mean the Germans?

No, we're talking about the aliens from Starship Troopers, Dad.

Come on.

We're on TV.

Time is money.

Tell your war story.

He was seven and

they took everything.

They burnt everybody's house.

I mean, this is fucking terrible.

And Angie's like, did you witness that, though, at that age?

What do you think he was at the movies?

Yes, he witnessed it.

They burned down the whole village, Angie.

And he's like, he's like, well, but there wasn't much stuff to burn because, you know, we didn't have any furniture or stuff like that.

So, you know, it wasn't really that.

It's like, it wasn't horrible.

But what was crazy to me about this was I was shocked that he was, that he is that old in the sense that, like, I thought this was a guy in his like late 70s, but the fact that he is

hot as spot.

I mean, he was 90 years old.

That guy's bot.

Like, what the heck?

Yeah, for real.

I mean, like,

the fact that he was seven and this is like a World War II memory.

I mean, that's like, I was, I was pretty surprised.

We don't see too many parents on Bravo

who

have that kind of experience, you know?

Like, I mean, yes, Todd was around during, you know,

World War I, but like, aside from him, I mean, like, very few have been around since, like, that age.

Most of them are, I feel like, most of the parents we see are from like the 60s.

So this is really surprising.

Yeah.

So I was just surprised.

Like she's so hot.

So

Angie is, you know, it's a touching scene and stuff.

And he talks about coming

to America and how

when they got their tickets and they were coming over, someone said, where's your suitcase?

And he said, I'm wearing, I'm wearing everything I own.

And Angie's like, I'm wearing everything I own too.

And he's like, yeah, you need to stop doing that every time you leave the house.

It's just like, what happened to jeans in a nice sweater?

You know what I mean?

I am grateful because some of my biggest concerns of the day are, oh, I need to go get microneedling so it heals up in time for my next event.

Oh, I need to start rolling now so I can get off of this giant mattress in time to get to my next event.

Oh, I need to put on giant sunglasses so my face will be protected in time for my next event.

And meanwhile, my dad is sharing these stories that put things into perspective for me.

And it is a wake-up call from Greece.

Yeah, but you know what?

I don't want you to minimize all this stuff that you're talking about either, because that stuff is important too.

And you can't think that people were going to war and having all of this horrible things happen.

And there wasn't a moment in the day where they were like, I've really got to do something about my angry 11s.

Because you know what?

When that shit hits you, it doesn't matter what's going on in the outside.

You're still like, why are my pores so big?

You know, I think everyone, I actually really firmly believe that everyone's entitled to be annoyed by stupid shit.

You know, like it doesn't doesn't take away from the big shit that people have to deal with.

Like, it's not like I would never equivocate them, but I think that you're like, if you can't find your phone charger, like you're allowed to be like legitimately annoyed and be, you're allowed to be like, I can't find my phone charger.

I'm so annoyed.

I think you're allowed to express your emotional state to your friends.

What you can't do is you can't, if your friend says, oh my God, the Nazis just burned down my village and I'm so upset.

And then you can be like, I get it because I can't find my phone charger.

Like that you don't do.

But you're still like, you you shouldn't feel guilty about the fact that you're annoyed about something in your life.

Yeah, annoying, petty things are always going to bother you no matter what's going on outside.

Like they announced that the government's going to, they're, they're going to send the government to California to keep lawn or whatever the fuck they're doing now.

Today's today's fucking crazy news.

And I read it and I was like, I really don't like the new icons on this iPhone.

And I was like, what am I more mad about?

Like, I really need to get my priorities in shape.

But I was like, but I really don't like the icons either.

So, I mean, I don't know.

Does that make me a bad person?

I don't know.

You're allowed to be a bunch of

and yeah i can be an order what i want to so they talk about this and they talk about how proud they are to be greek and she's she gets so excited when she sees crete and um he's like oh yeah crete that's that's a good one she's like yeah i felt like it was my home too i love crete I love Crete.

And he's like, yeah, well, you know, of course you love it because that's your roots.

I'm just like, dad, please don't mention roots.

It's like, okay.

Sorry.

i am a hair professional so she's like i just feel so connected to the culture to the people to the history and i want to pass that same love for being greek down to electra and i want her to have the same passion and feelings that i do because it's influenced me in my life and i want to influence her in her life which is why every morning before she goes to school i give her a plate to throw on the floor

Cut to Electra.

Fuck being Greek.

I'm sick of it.

It's like, damn, Elektra.

Geez.

So they hug.

That was a nice little scene.

So then we go.

It was actually such a time.

I actually got choked up during it.

I'm not going to lie.

I thought it was so sweet and lovely.

And I felt like I feel like Angie is actually very emotionally honest about her family and their struggles in a way that I find very affecting.

So I liked it.

So then we go to Bronwyn's house.

Now we go from Angie and her dad to Bronwyn and her mom, Marge, aka Muzzy.

By the way, you don't have to even tell me her name is Marge.

The eyebrows say it.

If I see those eyebrows, I say, this is a lady named marge who somehow like in this weird everything everywhere all at once timeline managed to not be a diner waitress somehow she's she's she's doing this instead you know what's super weird i call my mom muzzy

really yeah i didn't realize that her marge nickname well i call her muzza you know like hello muzza and then that turns into muzzy like hey muzzy

um that's weird so bronwyn offers to get her drinks and stuff and bronwyn's you know really trying.

She's like, mom, mom.

She's like,

her mom's just seething on the couch.

Mom, would you like a beverage?

And she's like,

from the fridge.

Would you like one?

Because I can get you one, mom.

Drink home.

Drink.

And she's like running off, trying to make her mom happy.

I was like, oh, no, this is not going to go well.

She's like doing the Kermit the Frog run in the background, like going from the kitchen to the hallway, like, mom.

and what's funny is that the mom you would think the mom would be like hey tuts looking at her face you think she'd say hey tutz what's going on but she actually has like a like a scary high-pitched voice she's like well brown

she's like she's like so what's going on mom you must be exhausted yes because i got up too early today i was like i was not expecting that voice whatsoever And Brown was like, do you feel like you got everything done at the house that you wanted to do while you were there at the house packing up?

She's like, no, I still have stuff there.

She's just giving her this look oh my god i was scared and i can deal with a tough mother you know well the mom really disapproved of all the furniture the mom was like yeah oh she has all this money and this is how she spends it on on this terrible velvet furniture okay that's fine that's fine i wish i would if i had that money i would spend it on uh more uh eyebrow treatments but that's okay everyone spends their money what they want to she's never been to the child with great judgment has she

I mean, if you're going to spend your money, you should be spending it on

the science of shrinking shrinking your eyebrows down to the size they were when you were five.

But, you know, she's just going to do what she's going to do because that's Bronwyn.

So Bronwyn tells us that the mom's been going back and forth to Northern Cali to

go through the process of getting rid of all their stuff, selling through stuff from her childhood home.

And so Muzzy is like,

Muzzy is like, well, there were some things there, Bronwyn, that I've not opened in 25 years.

You know, things like from daddy's office.

That was emotional.

Oh, so you're going through daddy's stuff?

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Did you find anything in there about me?

Please don't say it on camera.

Please don't do this to me, mother.

She's giving her this look.

I'm like, why are you shooting with your mother?

And then I remembered, it's the great revenge of the real housewives commence.

Yeah, well, this part of the scene, I thought, was actually like very affecting because the mom is basically saying, like, I'm throwing out stuff, but I feel really conflicted because, like, I'm throwing away his stuff and he's not there to say, like, hey, don't throw that out or this means something.

So she's like, and I was like, oh, this is so sad.

I thought, like, I thought with those eyebrows, I was going to just, I was, I was going to, like, this woman was going to come out and be so mean to Bronwyn, but instead she's telling a really sad story.

And I was like, oh, little did I realize that she was just, you know.

She was just saving it.

She was getting us already.

She's saving it up.

She was just getting warmed up there.

So Bronwyn tells us about Alzheimer's and how, you know, terrible it is to go through that.

And

it's hard on her, but it's got to be really hard on her mom because that's her best friend and, you know, her partner and stuff.

So she's like, you know, daddy doesn't remember adult me.

And she's like, no, he thinks you're going right now.

So he's really worried that you're not going to finish college.

You're going to get knocked up.

You need to go to school, et cetera.

You know, it's nice to see him disappointed all over again.

That really filled his belly with fun times.

That was great, Bronwyn.

Bronwyn's just like, oh,

well, you know, it's like he's reliving it with me, right, Mom?

Like he was just so worried about me and all these things

years ago.

And, you know, Gwen's at that age, you know, and he does,

I don't know, it's like he superimposed me on top of, I don't know what's going on.

She goes, yeah, he thinks it's yesterday.

Cause after she went to get something from the room, he said, why isn't she in school?

Tell her she's not in school, she can get the hell out of my goddamn house.

Oh, well, I just,

yeah, that's great.

And I just feel like, I don't know, I feel like dad just wanted better out of me.

You know what I mean?

Well, well, you feel like you're not good enough, like you're not worthy, because if you feel that way, then we failed because we didn't make it clear enough that it's not just a feeling that you should know you're not good enough and you're not worthy.

That's it.

So she's like, well, you know, mom, I did take a longer route to maybe get to where I was going.

And you said that.

You said that.

You know, you said it's been a really long time.

And you, you know, Brondwin, you really had to figure out what you wanted to do and you had to really, you know, like you said, circle the drain a few times.

You know, you know how you always talked about me circling the drain and just failing for a really, really, really long time, mother.

Remember that?

Yeah.

Yeah.

But you know what?

Guess what?

You couldn't have gotten there without Todd either because you couldn't get there without a dime.

Oh, really?

You don't really have a lot of skills or talent or

you don't have any of the things that I guess most people would have or need in order to get ahead in life unless you attach yourself to some old guy.

really muzzy anyway i would watch my fucking mouth right now because you're living off her and todd's money like it's fine for you to take all this money and live in her house and do all this shit you don't get to come in here and be an asshole to her and shame her on the tv and don't make me get defensive for ron win but i did not like this muzzy okay

yeah um and she's well you know you needed to she's like uh yeah well mom i don't love you saying that that i i needed todd to to get me there well i mean you needed todd to support you right i mean those those

that queer man's dresses don't pay for themselves, right?

It's like, okay.

Goodbye.

Have fun at the home, Muzzy, because you'd be out of there in two fucking seconds.

How dare you?

Watch your fucking mouth, lady.

So Bromwyn's like, well, sadly, this is not the first night comment that my mom has made.

And I think that, you know, I just really need approval from her.

I just want approval.

Everyone wants approval from their parents.

Yeah,

I would want an apology letter.

Get her the fuck out of here.

What a toxic fucking person.

And I know she's going through a lot of stuff but you could listen bromin got had all that stuff go down when she got pregnant when she was 19 she had no support from these people and now you're still shaming her for it years later it's like the woman's living in a mansion she can't do anything right for you and i think she should stop trying get rid of muzzy down with muzzy that's what i say

So she's like, well, I hope you're going to be okay doing this because, you know, you're, you're going to be doing it with Todd soon enough.

Brom's like, oh my God, mom.

She was like, it's like, Muzzy, that's, I mean, that's dark.

I mean, okay, like, I take a lot of Todd's old comments from other people, but the call doesn't need to be coming from inside my house.

Oh, is the palm pilot working again?

Todd, it's an expression.

No, no phone calls were coming from inside the house.

Yeah, that was that was pretty low.

It was so sad.

Todd's men.

It's like, oh my God.

Do you have a lot of money?

Might I suggest a wood chipper?

For fuck's sake.

Muzzy was like so sweet and emotional and then just comes right on in is like

she was never sweet you know she's going through something so she's sad and she has a right to be sad but she's also an asshole you know and i think that it's important to like kind of know that line with people like you going through something doesn't give you the right to be an absolute monster you lady

horrible horrible horrible this is horrible as heather gay would say oh it's horrible

Horrifying.

Congratulations, you've reached the end of part one of a two-part recap.

For part two, go look for the recap that says part two.

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