#3016 Below Deck Med S10E01 Part 1: Inspain in the Membrane

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Watch what crap is.

Watch what crap is.

Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens?

I'm Ronnie and that's Ben over there.

Hello, you little benuni.

What you doing?

Hello, hello.

What am I doing?

I'm hanging out with you.

That's what I'm doing.

What are you doing?

What a lovely time for you.

It is same welcome to the show everybody today is below deck mediterranean day super important return of captain sandy in asia

uh super excited to talk about whatever mess this is going to turn out to be um join us monday night for crappy hour that's our live show on instagram where we talk to you talk about bravo headlines etc that's at 5 30 p.m pacific time okay thanks for being with us we'll see you there find information over on our instagram And if you want this on video, we do videos every day now for Patreon, video recaps, watch them over there.

If you want them for free, they come out a week later on YouTube.

So go get them.

We also do bonus episodes.

This week we're doing the Megan show on Netflix.

Megan Wetzerbutt.

Love Megan.

Love Megan.

Guys, when Megan packs for a trip, She likes to make sure that she's packing things that go together.

So it's like, I mean, she is dropping some major fucking knowledge on all of our heads.

I've never really watched Megan do much.

We recapped the interview she did with Oprah, right?

Wasn't it Oprah?

Yes, years ago.

Years ago, we did that.

And I was like, what is this lady talking about?

So we had to check out her show, Love Megan.

And wow.

Well, she's a basic B.

I'll tell you that.

But it was fun watching it.

And we're going to talk about it this week.

So join us over on Patron.

But today,

here we are for Balloon Deck Mediterranean, Season 10, Episode 1, Raising the Bar Salona.

I see what you did there.

Oh, I'm so glad to be on Below Deck Med, mainly because I really disliked the last season of Below Deck.

It really went downhill for me.

And it was like every week was actually a bit pain.

It got like more and more painful as it went along.

So to now have like a reset button and

to already have an episode that like kind of

like returned us to some of like the the vibes of of what below deck should be made me really happy no instagram walls no like strange close-ups of food and slow-mo shots no like attempts to be flashy uh we still have like that weird preference sheet meeting format which it doesn't like bother me necessarily but i just like the old way more but like not a game changer for me it just felt like good to be back into like like like we they they experimented below deck it was a failure for me and now we're back to what we know best, which is like the below deck, you know, way of doing it show, like, et cetera.

So I was like really happy, honestly.

You know what's so cute about you?

You're so like negative, but also so positive in the same breath because you're like, that one sucks, but I'm being positive about this one.

Well, I got news for you.

This one's going to be the same as the last one.

You can already tell they're doing their whole like, okay, we've got a girl who wants to fuck everybody on the boat.

You know, we've got that, which we saw in the preview.

We've got like every, it's going to be everybody fucking everybody, I think, just like the other one, which I mean, I didn't mind.

I didn't mind as much.

It did start to bother me.

I do need more toilet cleaning, but I did appreciate that this one focused a lot on cleaning toilets.

And not a lot of cleaning.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know what?

Look, every below deck season, there's always going to be some sluttiness that happens.

I don't mind that it's there.

I just don't need it to be so centered.

And like Below Deck thought it was doing something really clever and interesting by, by doing this.

It was like, how many episodes in a row was Fraser like, let me give you a little recap.

Celine's kissing Jess.

Jess is kissing Barbara.

Barbara kissed Demo.

Celine kissed Demo, Demo kissed me, Kyle kissed Celine.

And I think we're all somehow supposed to put on a charger.

And like, I'm supposed to sit here and like giggle at this.

I was like, okay, you're so proud of yourself for having something slutty.

Congrats, you're only 20 years late.

We all watched Trashelle and the hot tub in real world Las Vegas.

This is like nothing new for us.

So I just like, I couldn't stand how much like they were, they put it front and center and were like winking at the audience too, and thought they were being so funny and so salacious.

And it was actually quite dull.

And really, like, what's more salacious to us is watching a jet ski

dangle from a chain and knock over a lamp.

Like, to me, I'm like, oh, that was

bitch.

That was it.

Yeah, I was yelling in my house.

I was like, yes, get that lamp.

And then when it came back and got it again, I was like, oh,

yeah.

You destroyed.

finisher finisher

i mean captain sandy just holding onto the rope being like oh oh steady it steady it slow and steady slow and steady okay come on let's give this jet ski a nap like that to me is below deck okay and it was like nice to not have fraser winking at the audience saying something like that jet ski if it crashes once more we may not even have a charter and that would be a a terrible thing.

Like

I just got so sick of Fraser's little like wink winks at the audience that I just was like,

I just was so happy.

Honestly, I've never been more happy to have Blow Duck Med on.

I'm not even joking.

Yes.

And Aisha has a good haircut.

Listen, I like when shows are like, we're going to improve by improving our cast's hair.

Because you know what?

A good treatment can really improve a lot.

And I think it teaches us all lessons as Americans.

Do your hair.

Condition your hair, you know, and get it to be a proper cut.

Because, I mean, what a change.

Now, let me tell you, who's not changing her hair or her polyester capri pants, Miss Captain Sandy, okay?

Captain Sandy.

And she even got to get upset about Mary Time Law right at the beginning, which I loved.

You know, so Mary Time Law, our favorite housewife, showed up right in the first episode.

She was right there.

And, you know, it's funny because that you talk about Captain Sandy's hair because we actually saw pictures of her when she formerly lived in Barcelona, and she had a short little thing going on there.

And

it's funny because she's been going with her sort of like he-man bob for like at least like seven or eight years.

And it's like, she's like, she did make that change once in her life.

And now she's like, this is the look for me.

And I think it is the look.

I actually don't want her in any other sort of haircut.

Do you think she was like, Aisha, you know, I really enjoy your positive attitude?

You're basically a vocal hug, which I appreciate.

But I don't want you back here unless you get my my hair cut.

Okay.

And then Aisha's like, can I do it with more conditioning?

She's like, you know what?

Use whatever white rain you want to.

Okay.

But you're going to have my hair cut.

Also, you know what I was really happy to deal with or not deal with?

I was really glad that we didn't have to deal with that bridge in San Martin.

Like I was really over that bridge.

I'm still mad at that bridge.

I still have issues with that bridge.

I resent the bridge.

I resent that bridge for never being willing to open up enough.

Like, do your job.

Everybody else is doing their job, but why is nobody bitching that the bridge is not doing its job?

Open wide.

I agree.

Yeah.

That bridge was the worst piece of concrete we've seen on below deck since those dolphins a few seasons ago.

Remember the dolphins?

The quote-unquote dolphins that weren't actually dolphins.

They were just like cement.

buoys to help like designate a shit parking spot, but then they have to worry about hitting them every single time.

Like, look out for the dolphins.

Be careful about the dolphins.

Oh, I hated the dolphins, but the bridge came along and like,

you know, it's just, I

dolphins are like a faint memory now compared to that bridge, you know.

Okay, so we see what's going to be coming in the season.

If you want to see this, you can um,

oh, I guess the end thing is what we did a bonus on, the preview.

No, if you want to, if you want a preview of the season, you can check out the bonus on Patreon.

Yeah, go to Patreon.

They cut the trailer kind of in half.

So, they sort of have it starts off with like a little bit of trailer, and then the end of the show is like more trailer.

So, we did actually cover this part but they just sort of remixed it for this episode but it's basically nathan being like oh i thought this season would be would be easy but it turns out it's hard so

yeah that's oh boy was i wrong but in the end it just turned into be the best because of this and then we see a pregnant belly and it's one of those things they're like look it's the bosun and he can't put together a baby you know cage whatever you call those a baby crate and i'm like you're running the boat this is supposed to be cute because you need to be able to figure shit like this out

also you know what's like not cute in general whether you're a bosun or not people trying to figure out like how to assemble baby cribs like that's also been done like it's been like years we get it they're hard like every single person every single like comedy thing bit like look how hard it is to put together the script you need to you need to have a you need to have a master's in engineering in order to put this stuff together it's like we get it like honestly i just just build your crib just build your I don't need the whole bit to go along with it.

Just build it.

Also, like, if men are this inept at putting together a crib, just put a blanket on the floor and put your baby on a leash.

Like, seriously.

Gather some twigs, make a little wall and be done with it.

Yeah.

Twig wall.

Just put it in a box.

You know, like a box you get from Amazon or whatever.

Just throw it in the box like a kitten.

I mean, for Christ's sake, do we need to be this fancy?

What did Caveman do?

They use their Amazon boxes.

Isn't it surprising that there's not some like stupid hippie kind of like trend to be like we don't actually use cribs we we actually have a nest it's like we're we're like you actually build a nest with actual like branches like well one of our rituals is that we go out into the woods and we gather twigs and branches and we come home and we make a nest for our baby we actually feel like it's really important for our baby to be in a nest their baby's all scarface just like scarring all over the place

they're just vomiting into their baby's mouth like that

felicia silverstone does Doesn't she do the baby feeding where you, what is it called?

Baby bird feeding where you chew up the food and you spit it in your kid's mouth.

I really didn't think that was a good idea.

I don't know how Alicia Silverstone's children weren't taken away.

I'll tell you that much.

She seems clueless.

Yeah.

So, so Nathan gives us this whole like, I don't know how to put together a baby crib.

All right.

And then we see nine months later.

So wait, you.

You got pregnant and then you left right when the baby was born?

What the fuck?

No.

That's so.

No, no.

No, Ronnie had saying nine months later,

like

he was having this horrible charter this season, but then nine months later, pregnancy.

Not saying

it was pregnancy.

Then nine months later, he left to go on boat.

Although that would be very on brand for a below deck boatswain.

Totally.

Well, I have a baby, baby back in Fort Lauderdale.

Yeah, and then the baby could come out already a boatswain.

It could like come out a boatswain, and then we'd see an Instagram wall of the baby, and then it would just be like, I was abandoned by my father.

And that that is why I don't like to clean my room at night

the baby's trying to FaceTime its umbilical cord it's like oh

I hear an umbilical cord in Alaska

um okay so he's coming from Ireland and now instead of Instagram walls or instead of the thing like last time where Fraser's like Hello, Chica, it's me, your chief stew.

Would you all like to meet for a cocktail beforehand so we can get to know each other?

So instead of that, we get people doing selfie cams from airports and stuff.

So we start with him, and he's,

he's, it's very hot, but he won't complain.

And then we see Aisha, and even in her FaceTime, she's just like, oh,

I can see me.

I look so cute.

That was amazing.

I don't live in a van anymore.

And I'm getting married to

Here we are at the airport.

I'm very used to it because I'm an amazing race New Zealand.

Got my luggage and my love is helping me to drop me off.

Here's Scott.

All right, so those are the ones we know.

And now everything else is going to be a cluster fuck for the next four weeks for us in these recaps.

Because

do you remember when bravo for like i think two years was like you know what there is no diversity on this show let's bring in some diversity and then they were like never mind let's just you know what let's just go back to let's just hire 20 blonde people okay i want three blonde girls that nobody can tell apart that's what i want and so that's what we're getting this year i don't know who the fuck anybody is and everybody i saw i didn't remember the preview like who was who from the preview and i was like which is the one who vows to fuck everybody on the boat so

I kept giving that personality to everybody.

I was trying to figure out who it was.

And I said,

Priscilla.

I think her name is Priscilla.

So we have Tessa, or at least she, she at least looked like a Priscilla to me.

So we have Tessa.

She's traveling from Sydney.

She's like, we're at the airport.

It's crunch time.

As in, I'm going to go get some Captain Crunch.

That's what I always say when I get off a plane, find me some Captain Crunch.

I'm feeling a bit nervy.

Then we see Kizzy coming from London and she spent $4.95 on a bottle of water.

Can you believe it?

Yes, I can.

It's actually cheap for an airport.

Have you seen the prices in America these days?

No kidding.

Has America fallen that far that someone from London is like, can you believe how expensive water is?

And we're like, oh my God, that's a bargain.

I'm moving to London where the real deals are.

I know.

It's like $7 bottles of water at the supermarket.

And then

we see Christian, who is traveling from Sydney, and he's like the hot Colombian guy, and he's like, Miss gave me her number from one of the napkins on the airline.

And then we see Josh, who is our wacky chef, and he's like, I'm excited to get cooking.

Let's hope my knives make it through security.

What can before we not hope that happens?

Yeah, he's like, Gos, let's hope that terrorism wins in the end.

It's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, sir, sir.

Um, so Christian, this guy, I don't believe that he got uh,

I don't believe that he got a

number.

I don't believe it.

I don't believe him.

I'm so sure.

He's like, hi, everybody.

My first selfie cam got a phone number on the airplane.

I'm sorry, sir.

No, I don't believe you.

I do believe it.

You do?

Yeah.

And here's why.

First of all, he is attractive.

Second of all, we later find out he's a pilot, which means he knows exactly how to flirt with flight attendants.

Like he knows exactly, like he's, he's trained in this area.

He knows the look to give or the signal to to give or whatever.

So

in fact, I actually almost think it's probably a sport for him to get numbers from flight attendants.

It's just like his milieu.

He gets it.

But do people even get numbers anymore?

I mean, you're not supposed to give out your number.

I don't even care if you stalk me.

I'm just afraid of you like giving my number to spam people for money.

You know, I don't want you to leak.

People do.

I think people do like Instagram now.

Aren't they like, hey, give me a follow?

And then they make you follow them and then they unfollow you the next day.

I bet it's exciting to get a number.

That's never happened to me.

I bet it's literally never happened to me.

I mean, obviously, but unless someone's like, okay, if you want to complain about my driving, like if you count that, you know, because like I'll take the numbers on the back of the truck just in case they fuck up later down the road.

If you want to complain about my driving, call 1-800, fuck your mother.

It's like, guys, someone actually gave me their number.

Yeah.

And they were so discreet, they left it on my windshield.

There was a dent in my door, but I I don't know what that was about.

Yeah.

And it said, they gave me their number, and at the bottom, it says, you better send me a copy of your license and insurance, or I'm calling the police.

So sweet, you guys.

So sweet.

So, yeah, I don't believe him.

So then, Josh, yeah, I already hate Josh because we know that he's like a wacky clown from the previews.

And listen, nothing against clowns.

It's just that I hate you.

All of you.

Yeah.

All of you.

I hate you.

Get a job.

Okay.

all of you and all the tambourina job people in la there that are like it's hipster to clown now you know what's hipster get a job okay bottles of water in london are 4.95 you're not going to afford that as a clown you know what's hipster working at alamo rent a car get to the airport and get behind that desk you know what kind of clown i like a cirque du soleil kind of a clown like if you can't put your ankle behind your head what are you even doing in this industry yeah no whimsy clown yeah i agree the best is when you see someone, like it happens so rarely, but once in a while you do see it when there's like a clown on their way to a gig and you're like in traffic and you look to your left and you see someone as like a full-on clown driving a car.

That's my favorite when that happens.

I think it's only happened like once or twice ever, but when it does, it's like, it feels special

because it's like not whimsical at all.

Like it's just like...

you know, it's like, it's like seeing a Disney mascot with the head off.

And you're like, oh yeah, you're, you're just sitting there listening to like 94-7 the wave and just trying to get to this kid's birthday party right now it reminds me of those people on hollywood boulevard like the dirty spider-man and the dirty marilyn monroe you know like their costumes are all dirty also why does the marilyn monroe wear white i know that's an iconic dress but girl you're rolling around on hollywood boulevard you're covered in soot pick something else didn't she ever wear brown Anyway, so the Marilyn Monroe was talking to this lady on the corner of Hollywood Boulevard and they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're like friends and then they kiss.

And then the other lady walked into the the middle of the road and stopped.

And I was right in the front, you know, so she kind of looked at me and she's, she's like, hi, and like waved at me.

And then she's looking around.

And she's like, oh, liquor store.

I was like, classy, Marilyn Monroe.

Look, real fucking classy.

Perhaps on theme.

She's just getting into character.

So

she's

not

dare you.

My favorite is like the stumpy Darth Vader, or is it the stumpy Batman, or is like both?

Like just

like

this short Darth Vader guy who's just like, you are God.

And it's like,

the Fred Flintstone wasn't making enough money, so he just put on a Darth Vader costume and went for it.

Kind of.

So basically, look at Josh.

He's wacky.

He has long hair.

He loves clowning.

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So then we meet V,

which hopefully she's an alien who eats rats hole.

And she's coming from Miami.

And she's like, this will officially be my first super yacht.

I'm going to pop my super yacht cherry.

And I'm so excited.

Yeah.

And then people are arriving, arriving like

and then we see this like weird thing um sandy is like arriving in barcelona and she has some sort of like runt crew this is like the off-season group and i'm like was this just a whole other season of blow deck that they filmed and we're like yeah this isn't working out get them off the boat because it's like a whole other crew They have names and everything.

There's someone named Ben.

He's the chief officer.

And like, we're doing it, Sandy.

She does a whole docking.

And then we don't like barely even get to see their faces.

They just sort of like scatter off the boat.

I'm like, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Come back.

I want to get to know you.

It's the crossing crew.

You know, we learned that on Below Deck Sailing when Captain Glenn was like, Gary, you want to be on the crossing crew?

And he's like,

I'm committed to a woman.

And then the lady, the crossing crew with him, and then they broke up on the crossing crew.

Wasn't that something that happened on Below Deck Sailing?

Yeah.

I forgot her name.

She was the worst.

We found out on

I think he was the worst, but yeah, she was bad too.

And then she had a baby, I think, the next year.

But anyway, we found out that the crossing crew is like the hardest job ever and it's super depressing because it's like working on a ghost ship and there's no one on there and you just all you do is cross.

And so everybody turns into an alcoholic and everybody goes through like their worst times.

I imagine it's like a horror show where you just see all your past and all the mistakes you've made and it's just all there right

to rediscover during the crossing crew times.

I feel like they should have a below deck crossing crew and we can just

watch everybody go fucking crazy, you know, and all the guys start to be like, well, a hole's a hole.

You know, that whole thing.

Yeah.

I think that would be great.

I feel like, I feel like Willem Dafoe is on every crossing crew because I feel like everyone's losing their mind.

And eventually, like, you go up to a deck at one point and he's standing up there.

He's like, your first crossing.

It's tough.

It's not for everyone.

You're like, thanks, Willem Defoe.

Yeah.

He's been through it.

I'm surprised he's actually not a captain of one of of these blow decks.

I feel like Christopher Watkins probably there just because he's in everything, you know.

The crossing is very hard.

I don't know how to do it.

I don't know.

I see a dolphin out there.

Is it a dolphin in my mind?

Or is it a dolphin?

Is it a real dolphin?

No one knows.

You've got to sham me the rail in order for it to look good.

You've got to make sure the teak is waxed.

If it's not waxed, it could get stained.

I'm like, do we,

I'm loving being on this crossing crew.

Do we finally find out what happened to Natalie Wood?

Like, somebody, somebody.

Okay, so then

this boat is called My Bravado, which is pretty funny.

And I like that Candy.

No, no, no, no, no.

It's called Motor Yacht Bravado, not My Bravado.

Oh, oh, yeah.

No, it says MY Bravado.

Okay, so my bravado.

I like that she still says Motor Yacht Bravado because because I thought that's something she just did for motor yacht home because, you know, it's weird to say like welcome, welcome home or welcome to home.

Yeah.

So I thought she was saying welcome to motor yacht home, but I guess they do that for everything.

But, you know, it's like bravo.

So that's cute.

Bravado.

Yeah.

Welcome to Bravo.

It's like Bravo with an ad in the middle.

So Captain Sandy is saying, oh, Barcelona, it's the largest metropolis in the med from the history to the art to the culture to the food to the culottes to the capri pants, to the cute little babs that you can get.

God, I love Barcelona.

They also have football or soccer.

I mean, it's called football to them.

It's complicated.

Should I start from the top?

Sorry, just a lesbian talking about balls.

I get carried away.

Oh, if you look closely, you can see Gigi Fernandez putting tennis balls at homeless people.

What's weird here is they also call tennis soccer.

It's a very confusing culture.

Very, very confusing culture.

Although Gigi calls tennis my championship sport that I won a gold medal in.

Gigi actually tried to hit a football with the tennis racket.

She broke her wrist.

So she's not going to be on the first charter, but God bless her.

Hope she's doing okay.

Fun fact, Norma finally went on a date with a soccer ball.

Somehow it dumped her.

You know, it's a shame.

Even the soccer ball couldn't get hard for Norma for too long in a row.

Had a leap.

It had a leak.

Loop.

The soccer said it had

goals, and Norma wasn't one of them.

Norma didn't get the joke.

So we know that it's Aisha who's walking up because this is what we hear.

Oh,

it's gorgeous.

Is that a boat?

Is it?

That's the most gorgeous boat I've ever seen in my life.

She's hiding in the boat.

It's like, I'll always be here for you, Mona Ya Bravana.

This is gorgeous, Sandy.

Oh, wow.

They hug, and

yeah, she's

like, oh, all these big life changes, Sandy.

And Sandy's like, well, I'm, you know, I'm so proud of you.

You finally cut your hair like a real captain.

So proud.

But it turns out Isha's engaged.

And we know this because she goes, I'm engaged.

So she feels like Sandy inspired Scott.

And we do see a picture of Captain Sandy proposing last season to her girlfriend.

And they just say baby a lot to each other.

She's like, yes, baby, I'll marry you, baby.

Yes, baby.

I'll marry you, baby.

Is that how she talks all the time?

That's all we've seen of that lady.

Is her going,

I think so.

That's all she says.

It looks like she was making a face, and then somebody slapped her on the back, and it stuck.

And she's just like,

So they kiss, and we see Captain Sandy getting married.

And it was like the Bravos.

It was a lot of people there.

It was like huge stars.

Huge.

Kate Chastain was there.

Isaiah was there.

Jill Zarin probably hiding behind a bush.

Jill Zarin.

Shall I show them how to make a diet Coke?

No.

Then,

so Asia's, you know, in awe of this, this yacht, which, by the way, this is, I think, the nicest yacht we've ever seen.

This yacht is gorgeous.

It's so,

it's just so nice.

And there's like wainscoting throughout it or something or beveling, beveled cabinets.

It's like we've never seen that.

Like I said, I feel like every yacht has had these like super smooth, like tomorrow land surfaces.

um so i really love the detail to the i just really appreciate the beveling um and asha is now they're looking at the cvs of like the of the uh crew and asha seeing that like okay um

you know kizzy is kizzy kitchener which by the way that's how you know you're going to have to work in service in your life because your last name is kitchener

That's how you know you'll be you'll be bringing things to and from a kitchen is if your last name is literally Kitchener.

kizzy kitchener

so she loves

kitchener okay so who do we have well they're looking at victoria and she doesn't have any housekeeping experience so kizzy kitchener is gonna she's a service to on a 100 meter boat and creating decorative imaginative table settings

my favorite quality in a person

so then josh josh the chef comes and says hi to sandy and she's like whoa you worked in a Michelin start?

That's crazy.

You good with a tire iron?

And he's like, yep, 11 years at Michelin restaurants, three in the clown car and four in prison.

So yes, yes.

We're not going to be docking next to any schools or churches, are we?

I don't think so.

Quite

a bit.

Did you bring a tambourine?

Any chance you got a tambourine in there?

Sure do.

Oh, yeah.

He's going to be great.

Between the Michelin star and the tambourines,

get ready, America.

Somehow the tambourine really makes the split ends work.

So now Aisha's looking around and like everything is big.

And in the servants' quarters, it's like there's wide hallways and there's a big bathroom.

And Aisha's like, oh,

whoa.

I think mom is going to be having this one.

Look how big the bathroom is.

And Sandy, meanwhile, is waiting for Nathan, Nathan, reliable Nathan, good old reliable Nathan.

And she's like, hey, text bloop, Nathan.

Hi.

So excited for you to come on board.

Just checking for an ETA or are you just too busy getting

women pregnant?

Okay, come on.

I'm waiting for you.

Thanks so much.

Estimated time of arrival from your sperm to an egg, I guess, is what we're waiting for.

I saw the preview.

Okay.

I like when the chef came to say hi and then he left.

Captain Sandy goes, she looks right into the camera and she goes, this guy's going to be great.

He's just going to be great.

Like famous last words.

But yeah, she's texting him and she's excited to have Nathan because he's had a lot of experience on other vessels handling lines.

Okay.

So he's comfortable on deck.

He's trustworthy.

I don't trust Nathan.

I don't know that he's ready for this.

And Below Deck keeps promoting people and I don't think that they're ready to be promoted.

I just don't believe it.

You know, Derek, we like you.

You're promoted now.

I don't know that he's ready.

He can't put together a damn baby crib.

Okay.

He's not ready.

He is not ready.

He's not.

He's still rocking his Friar Tuck haircut.

So let's like, let's see.

It's like he's nothing, you know?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I agree.

So then people are going into cabins, etc.

And then guess who's here?

It's Max.

He's like, Lord, you brought

a pre we hear his voice, but then we see Kizzy and Kizzy's

gets on board and says, hello.

Oh, Kizzy, one of my students.

happy to have who are you?

Kizzy is the one who in the preview is like, I want to hook up with every single person on board.

So keep an eye out for her.

I guess I thought her name was Priscilla.

I don't know why that was, but she sort of has Priscilla energy to me.

Kizzy, Sky Kizzy.

Yeah.

Nothing is everything.

Sky Kizzy.

So, yeah, Max comes in and he calls her Susan.

He calls Captain Sandy Susan.

I didn't really get it.

And then he's like, oh, the French is here.

Back to English.

I'm back, baby.

I don't remember Max.

I know I'm supposed to because they're giving him like returning star energy.

Like, play his theme song.

Max is here.

It's like, here he is.

It's Max.

I don't.

I don't remember Max.

They even showed clips of Max doing like wacky things like backflips and slaps.

And I don't remember him.

I scrubbed him from my brain DVR.

He is so annoying.

I don't know why Bravo is unleashing him on us again.

He's so annoying.

His whole thing was that he was like really lazy.

He was like a child, and they were just trying to figure out ways to work with Max and get him motivated.

It was like the whole season was like, how can we make Max want to work harder?

And he just was so like, he was just.

He was draining.

I was like, the fact that they are promoting him, like, look at this guy, this iconic blue dick dickham.

Contract negotiations are finally done.

We got him.

We got him.

Survive Lyra is max.

It's max, guys.

Yeah, I didn't.

This was not like what's a Lira.

Very exciting.

It's a Italian

currency.

Yeah.

Well, he can spend it in Italy.

So

he's like, I was in Bali for a year because last season, you know, my energy was there, but my motivation was on the edge of burnout.

And then we see flashbacks of him taking naps and stuff.

And he is now cured, guys, because he did a little something that douchebags on Bravo do to cure themselves.

It's called hypnosis.

Okay, I have a feeling it has something to do with ketamine because that's usually when there's a guy involved on Bravo, it's usually some kind of ketamine thing.

But he did hypnosis and he changed everything.

Let me tell you, I did hypnosis multiple times in my life, and I would still eat my fist right off of my arm.

Okay.

Hypnosis is bullshit.

I don't believe it.

I don't believe it.

Yeah.

Um, well, if it didn't work for James Kennedy, I don't think it's gonna work for anyone.

So he is, he's like, Yes, oh, hypnosis, like a snap, everything changed.

That blew my mind how powerful it was for me to go through this new age of inner peace.

I'm like the new Mac on the on the new brand.

I'm like, I hate to break it to you.

You're the same Max.

You're literally,

you're the exact same

sad, annoying Max.

Now I know why HBO

Now I know why.

Oh, the original Max.

I'm sorry.

Go ahead.

I was going to say, now I know why Max got rid of Max BM HBO Max.

I'm just going to be quiet.

Now it is.

It's HBO Max now, right?

I know.

They had to dilute the Max of it all because this Max was so annoying.

That was what my joke was supposed to be.

Sorry.

I botched it.

No, you didn't botch it.

No, what?

No, it wasn't your fault.

It was an ill-conceived comment from the gecko.

It wasn't going to be a good idea.

I can get my own show on E e because i'm i'm botching botching everything so it wasn't your fault it was it was it was bad it was just bad innately it was innately a bad joke bad bad sin bad

devotion is to the maximum right now she's not going to want to leave right max and she's just looking at him like this wacky fucking guy who brought this guy back Who brought this guy back?

Would Norman not pick up a chamois this year?

Anybody else, but this guy, please.

And so we see flashbacks of Max threatening to leave like two days before the end or two weeks before the end.

He's like,

I want to go home.

She's like, yeah,

it's like two weeks.

Got two weeks left.

He's like, oh, it's hard.

It is hard.

But now we see on screen it says new Max mentally engaged I can.

So he's like, no, I'm here.

I'm ready.

You know, I am ready.

Okay, well, go check out the boat.

Here's some nice beveling on the walls.

I think you'll enjoy that.

And it's going to be a great time.

Guess what?

You're going to have great food this charter.

Look at the camera.

Just tell them, say, this one's going to be good.

You're going to love the way you feel.

Be there.

Maximum engaged max.

Go check out that wall.

Tell me if that's wainscotting or if that's beveling.

And when you get an answer, call Ben.

Okay.

So it's 22 hours before charter.

And then we get a text message from Tessa.

Ding-dong.

These boys, I've known them ever since they was just little

scale scampions.

Trying to say

it's Tesla.

Oh, Tessa.

The cowboy show, McBee dynasty.

Previously, previously with my dad, yes, I've seen him.

It's Tessa.

I'm a new dickhead.

I got horrible food poisoning, and several people in my hotel did, but those boys, those McBee boys, they can't turn anything around.

They're basically like my boys.

I can't make it to the boat, but be there tomorrow.

Could not be more sorry.

Hi, Captain Sandy.

It's me, Tessa.

I'm going to be as honest as a pimple on the nose.

Right?

I'm shipping my brains out, girl.

I'm shipping my brains out.

My dribble door.

My dribble door turned into a floodgate.

So unfortunately, I'm going to have to stay in bed today.

So Tessa texts, and she has horrible food poisoning.

A lot of people in her hotel did.

So I think she was doing a little

with Nathan because he also has food poisoning.

And she can't make it to the boat.

So sorry.

She's like, could not be more sorry.

Here's something I want to, I have a question about.

I mean, food poisoning is truly the worst and it is so debilitating.

And you do like, you, it's just everything's coming out from all ends at all times.

It's like you're exhausted.

You feel like the world is ending.

But that being said,

can't you like,

can't you like just take the car ride from the hotel to the boat and then just be on the boat and ill as opposed to

the hotel?

Yeah.

Yeah, put a cork in in it put a cork in your butt and just get you there yeah i think you could do it but man it's tough it's like alita adam said

you can reach me by airway

you can reach me by trailway

i don't care if you're sitting in a cab just get here if you can

oh she's that concept

one but she's gonna be great she's gonna be great yeah um

well guess what?

These people are just gonna poop in their hotel, and that's the way it's gonna be.

So, Captain Sandy's like, oh, God, I mean, what are we gonna do?

I mean, fuck, where's Nathan?

We don't even have Nathan.

Okay.

And so now Asia's talking to Josh, and he's getting in his ass and gear and everything.

And he's saying that he's been working in a boat for three years.

He's like,

working Michelin kitchens.

I mean, it's good because you become a great chef, but it's fucking intense.

One time I was running him.

Is he British, by the way?

I can't remember.

I think he's British.

I think he's Australian.

He's Australian.

I have a lot of people.

I've got a Michigan kitchens in Australia.

I don't know.

I don't remember either.

I just don't remember.

But he says, one time I was running a meat section at a kitchen and I was 20 minutes late on the check.

The chef behind me, behind the pass, grabbed me, pulled my head down onto the top pass like that, and just screamed at me.

I remember getting up and being like, yes, chef.

I'm like, well, you were 20 minutes late.

I mean, I don't support abuse, but I like, he's like, well, I was 20 minutes late.

I mean, you should get yelled at.

Maybe not have your head pressed onto a hot surface and physically abused, but like also be better.

Well, he did get suspended for a week.

So that's something.

There was an HR at that Michelin place.

So he has been in the BVI doing some work on mosquito and necker.

Oh, what that is.

British Verduna Islands.

Mosquito Islands.

Well, I don't know about this.

Let's see.

Let me look up mosquitoes.

It just comes back covered in hickeys and mosquito bites.

That's what I liked.

Mosquito and Necker.

Islands.

Islands.

Necker Island is...

That is Sir Richard Branson's private island.

Shout out.

And Mosquito Island, sometimes spelled Mosquito Island, is also owned by Branson.

So he's been.

It is Moss.

He's been working for Dick.

He's been working for Dick.

He's been working for my good friend, Dak.

So Max comes and he's like, hello, hello, New Max here.

New Max.

Oh, I guess you can just go into pick a cabin because the basin's not here yet.

So get whatever you like.

So that's very exciting.

Just take the top bunk because you don't know.

You don't want that girl to be above you with that food poisoning.

Yeah, Isha came back.

I mean, she's always coming back in a positive mood, you know, but it's like over-the-top positive, which worries me.

And then she's letting everybody just choose their own things.

No, you got to put your foot down and be like, you're sleeping by the toilet.

There's no one else to take the better bitter beds, but there could be someone better else down the pike.

I'm just keeping my fingers crossed.

Yeah, torture them.

Give the first ones their the worst bedroom.

That's what I say.

Don't let them pick themselves.

Yeah.

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So then Max and Kizzy Kizzy meet and

it's

kiz.

Wow.

We're done.

Everyone, thanks so much for being here.

This has been Watch War Crappins.

It's officially time to retire, guys.

Let's go.

Kizmeet.

More like Kiz Max.

So they,

Max is like, oh, Kizzy.

So I stay here in your room.

She's like,

absolutely not cheeky, cheeky boy.

He's like, oh, I'm just joking.

Ah, but she looks good.

Kizzy, kizzy kizzy she's like a uh visual dildo like

so what the was that a visual dildo are you planning on jamming her up your up your asshole what are you talking about

he's like i like your face i'm going to sit on it really really weird uh i thought that's what he said and i thought that's not what he said and i let it keep playing and i was like no i have to know what he said so i rewound it like three times and yeah he said she's a visual dildo

is he i think he i kind of feel like he's trying to say like something to turn you on like maybe he meant like visual viagra or like visual

i don't know but it was it felt like i don't know but it's

challenging to start calling him peggy so um he's like oh he's going to be naughty

So V says hello to everybody, gets her cabin.

She's from Florida.

And Kizzy's like, oh, when you first came in, I thought you were like European or something.

And she's like, oh, no, I'm Cuban, baby.

I have like guys look at me that are going to be like, I don't know, like, you look like a white girl, but you have green eyes and blonde hair.

But I'm like, listen, this ass is Cuban.

And if you look at it, it's there.

It is definitely a Cuban ass.

Instagram wall, please.

Instagram wall.

And we see that she does, in fact, have a large butt.

Yeah.

It is a visual

flash.

flashlight.

So Christian joins and says hello to everybody.

Is this the guy who got the number from the person on the plane?

Yeah.

That's him.

So he's like kind of handsome, but like really dorky too, which normally I

like, but I don't like him.

I want him to fall.

Like to like fall down.

I do like how visibly disgusted he is by Max.

Like he just looks at Max like, what the fuck is wrong with you at all times?

So I do enjoy the disgust on his face.

It's like hot disgust.

Yeah.

So now Josh is in the kitchen doing things, and they only edit in one line, but I think it's a good line.

He says, sunflower oil bottle.

Sounds like a game show answer.

He's winning me back.

He's winning me back.

Hey, Max.

So you're just going to run the deck until we get Nathan, our bosuns, just get it clean, turn it around, you know, do the hypnosis thing, whatever you need.

He's like, oh, yes, but you'll see the arms of this guy and I'm totally.

So we are going to be, it's going to be easy.

Don't worry, we got arms, we can wash things down

21.5 hours before charter.

So, Aisha's chatting with her ladies, and she's like, So, you've worked on big boats.

I'll see that you're good with service.

What's your experience like?

And she's like, Um, uh, two years ago, really day charters, a little bit of interior, a little bit of exterior.

Oh,

Kizzy, you're second.

I need a service queen, and then your third.

Is one of you you cuban

and bia's like well i haven't done too much laundry she's like oh well you're gonna learn quickly

and

she's like so you're gonna learn quickly

you better because i've had to spend another season trying to get beads that way you understand the difference between a t-shirt and a an old skirt then i'm gonna be pretty fucking peaceful

she brings up brie and the nightmare that was but was Brie just last season?

Why does it seem like 10 years since Brie's been on my TV?

I need Brie back.

I know.

And Ellie.

I know.

I need Bri was back.

Yeah, that was a crazy season.

That was crazy.

And they showed a flashback of Brie because Asia goes, Oh, I've read a little poem.

I'm a bit worried about V because it rhymes with Brie.

So I've got PTSD from last season's laundry

and also Ellie.

And oh, I need to pee.

So she wants to believe she's capable of learning, but,

you know, she has last season in her mind still.

So now they're going to start cleaning.

And when is the deck crew coming?

And Max is like, oh, no, I'm the guy in Charles.

We do like one side each.

We make our way down.

This is what we do.

I learned it in meditation.

Clean, clean, clean.

So he's all excited to be boss.

And it goes to his head really, really quickly.

Yeah, and then V is like, will you show my Cuban ass hospital corners?

And Kizzy's like, okay, put your hand under the slide and don't even tuck it in.

Just slide it in.

Gorgeous.

It's like, wow.

If Fraser were here this season, he'd be like, just tuck, just slide it in, slide the hand in.

Sounds rather naughty.

But he isn't.

So I'll do it for him.

Yeah.

So

Max is making small talk with Christian and

he's saying,

bro, you're like Omer Simpson.

You make all the job.

And Christian's like, no, because like I work in an airline, you know, so like if you hook up with a cabin crew, like there's like thousands of crew.

I mean, every girl takes a pilot.

It's in my blood.

I'm the seventh pilot of the family.

Yeah, I was the captain.

So I was in charge of my aircraft.

And then COVID happened.

And now I'll never fly again.

Now all my flying credentials are completely out the window.

No one's on planes anymore.

Unfortunately, planes are dead now.

No one's on planes.

I'm like,

sir, that's over now.

Go back to the plane.

Stead?

He's like, yeah, I was like the best pilot in the world, which is why cleanbacks now.

I know that.

Something about this doesn't quite add up.

Where it's like, okay, I understand like if you have to pivot because like the airline industry shrank in 2020, 2021, but it's 2025 now.

People are flying.

He's like, yeah, man, they stopped producing airplanes.

Like,

unfortunately, people stopped using planes and now they just take mainly ferries and canoes so i had to pivot hard yeah real hard big walkers big walkers now um but thankfully boats are still in business and so are mops

so yeah about to get my hot air balloon uh pilot's license because

that's the only way to cross the ocean Hot air balloon.

He's like, yeah, I'm like really big into licensing

lime scooters.

So yeah, that's pretty much what I do now.

It's like, yeah, you know, like yachting can, you know, give me the lifestyle that I want in terms of like good money and a lot of time off.

And girls love deck hands too.

You know what, you know what girls love?

You know what really wealthy girls love?

Someone who's sort of around and putting a jet ski in the water.

Oh, they love that.

I have never had more vagina in my life until I picked up a mop.

Next stop, janitorhood.

Next stop, janitor.

Working my way up.

I do not believe you, sir.

You got caught masturbating in

the cabin or something.

Yeah.

The pilot.

He's been banned for airlines.

I have to imagine.

Yeah,

that's weird.

I want to know what it is.

Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring.

God, isn't it funny how my phone has my voice saying ring?

Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring.

Oh, it's a FaceTime from Nathan.

Hi, Nathan.

Where are you?

Shut my fucking brains out.

That's where I am.

I've been getting sick.

I've been getting sick.

I'm sick as hell.

By the way, I don't know how to put a baby crib together.

Spoiler alert.

well we go and charter tomorrow so we need you here okay he's like y'all so get some rest and hydrate and hydrate and hydrate and hydrate and you know stop pooping your butt and get over here otherwise we can't leave the boat guys america guess what if nathan isn't here I don't have my boatswain.

If I don't have my boatswain, no one can put together the three baby cribs downstairs.

And I don't meet

the manning requirements for the vessel.

Oh, I won't be able to leave the dock.

Maritime Law will get so mad at me.

I don't know what we're gonna do.

Uh-oh.

Who's outside?

It's me, Marytime Law.

Get your ass off that boat.

What the hell is going on here?

This isn't manned.

What the hell?

This is not a problem.

You better get your shit together by tomorrow, Santa.

You're not going anywhere.

You're not going anywhere at all.

Mary Time Law.

And the curtain drops and we go to intermission from act one.

It's like, oh, I love the first.

I love that first act.

I just hope the the second act maintains the momentum.

Ah, crew, all crew.

Let's meet in the main salon for our first meeting.

Okay.

So, 20 hours before charter, everyone meets, and she's like, oh, look at you guys looking so happy, eager.

No one's in capri pants.

Okay.

One to merit.

Pass them around.

Pass them around.

Listen, a couple of things I want to go over.

Okay.

I don't want you to listen to, I mean, I do want you, actually, really, there's a trick.

I do want you to listen to your department heads.

And if it makes it to the bridge, then you will have the wrath of Sandy.

Now, I'm not talking about just my office.

I'm saying if we see any bridge and you're talking, talking about a problem, it's going to, it's going to be a problem because people have to use those bridges to travel across things and they can't be distracted by your problems.

Okay.

So you don't want to have the wrath of Sandy.

Okay.

Unless your legs are ready to put on some Capri pants.

You better watch out.

So I want to introduce our, oh, oh, everyone.

It's our first officer, Ben.

He came over on the passage.

Say hi, Ben.

Okay.

He said hi.

Hey, it's Ben Barky.

You know why?

Because he's a dog.

That's why he's only on TV one time.

Okay.

This is the time of the episode where we present all of the non-TV ready people.

Okay.

Yes.

Come out, homely pockmark people.

Come on out.

Come on out.

And you know what?

Here, here's a stamp.

I'm giving everyone a separate stamp.

You have U, U, G, you have L, you have

G.

All right.

Switch positions, okay?

Basically, you got a lot of stamps.

At the end, what do they spell?

Read them out, Benny Barkey.

U-G-L-Y.

You ain't got no wildabout.

You ugly.

Okay, that's it.

Now go hide your face, okay?

Go back down to the engine room.

Everyone,

I know people have been concerned, but I've got massive news.

Due to advances in cloning and science, someone that we thought was no longer with us is with us.

Please welcome.

uh one of our our first engineer bjarthur oh my name is bjork

oh Bjork.

Recording musician Bjork.

She is here.

I love this swan dress.

No, no, my name is Bjork.

New York?

Oh, I love your reality show, New York.

You're just, you do great work.

So good, everyone.

She's hilarious.

Bjork.

Oh, you're a delicious peppermint patty.

We get it.

How many accolades do you need here, Homely?

Okay.

Go back.

Go back and put that pillowcase I left on your bed onto your face.

Okay.

We'll never see you again.

So they leave.

And then she's like, yeah.

Now, you know, now, Max, you're going to have to do this because Nathan's not here.

He just doesn't understand baby cribs.

So now, a little, yeah, a little bit of bad news, everyone.

First, I lost my Donna Lewis cassette.

I really,

really like that song.

But also, another piece of bad news is that we're missing two.

Okay.

Two Capri pants.

And I have only brought three.

So whoever's doing laundry, you better.

We're also down two people, too.

So it's really terrible things.

Food poisoning all around.

Okay.

And do not have the fish.

Oh, Boatsun Knox, this has a nice ring to it.

She's like, okay, well, you're not the boatswain yet.

Okay,

we've already got one bozo here.

Am I right, chef?

He's like, that's right.

That's right.

Richard Branson loves me, baby.

Yes.

You know what?

When Nathan gets here, he's an awesome guy.

Try not to stare at his haircut too long.

He's very sensitive.

Apparently,

spent many years in friar camp, and it's hard for him to get rid of So, just but he's great, otherwise, he's great.

Um, so Aisha's like, Nathan's coming, I love Nathan,

I love Nathan.

Every time I think about Nathan, I just start hugging trees and kicking myself in the button, pitching myself on the cheek, slapping myself on the face.

Oh,

Ross!

Oh my god, someone had Aisha a fucking benzo since day one.

He cracked out.

So, uh, what what is his position?

You know,

she's boasting.

It's like, oh, did you think you were the boatswain, Max?

He's like, oh, no,

I mean, I'll take the situation.

She's like, oh, yeah.

I love the confidence.

Hate the stupidity, though.

Trevor number one begins tomorrow, though, everyone.

So get ready.

Okay, let's get back to work.

You can do this.

You can do this.

All right, it's time for me to retire and watch my favorite show, Wind Season six

okay and you guys want to start making beers

like oh god well my god we don't have enough time oh no so now josh is in the kitchen by himself and max is like just shut up we go like bull towards our goal i'm bothin

christian's like um yeah i don't need that so josh He uh, he pulls out a tambourine and he's like, you never know when you're going to need a tambourine.

I'm like, that is true you do never know but chances are it's probably not going to be while you're cooking so you can take that off of the air fryer also tambourines are the instrument of the non-talented people in the band and we all know it so why are you pulling out a tambourine like that's a flex that's not very that's true i'm worried you know like i'm worried i'm worried about this guy and it's not just the clown stuff it's like the whole like look i have like long crazy hair in here like he's trying too hard you know what i mean i feel like he puts patchouli smell all over himself just to seem like, I don't know, hippie.

Like he's trying too hard, it seems like.

Also,

I'm actually going to push back when he says you never know when you're going to need a tambourine.

I'm actually going to say, I think you always know when you're going to need a tambourine.

Like you always know exactly the time when you should have a tambourine.

Yeah, when you're in a band and you don't have any talent, so they hand you a tambourine.

Yeah.

When you are, like you've been hired to sing the doo-doo-doo parts in the background and they're like, you know what, give Nancy the tambourine, you know, like that's the you're okay.

If you're on stage and you're wearing a vest and you're singing, you're snap, you're like, you're sort of like moving your shoulders and singing, uh-huh, you're, you're going to need a tambourine.

But otherwise, I think you're good to go.

Well, when you're, when you're, when you know you're going to eat at a place with a bunch of boomers and they're going to be playing yacht rock, okay, maybe.

But not right now.

Not right now.

Did they sell tambourines and Ren fairs?

I feel like.

No, I don't think so.

Did they have those back in the Renaissance days?

I don't think they came up with those yet.

Wasn't that like a classier time?

The Renaissance?

Oh, no.

I'm going to get back to you on this one.

I will do the research.

Are there tambourines?

Tambourine.

I don't feel like they don't.

I don't feel like they had the song Piano Man back then.

Hey, do people use tambourines to Piano Man?

Some people feel like tambourine.

I feel like that's a tambourine song.

Just want you to know the tambourine has a history spanning thousands of years with its origins traceable to ancient civilizations of Middle East, Egypt, Greece, and India, where it was used for religious and ceremonial purposes.

So, yeah, I'm going to say you might find a tambourine at a Ren Fair, everyone.

Okay, well, there you go.

Yeah, yeah.

All right.

Consider me unimpressed with the past.

Oh, so yeah, he's got a tambourine.

He's wacky, guys.

And so,

is Kizzy single?

She is.

Technically.

Technically, she's single, guys.

And V's story, V's like, yeah, my story is really tragic.

11 months ago on my birthday, my boyfriend passed away.

And she's singing it with this huge smile on her face.

And she's like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry.

How the fuck did that happen?

She goes, yeah, he drowned.

He drowned.

Oh, God.

This came skinning.

Woos.

Did you even get to pull some poo out of your butt that day she's like no oh my god this story so v tells us this story

and it's actually like so sad we see that she like met this dive instructor in mexico they had this like romance we see pictures this guy was fucking hot it was like this felt like it was like a movie right like isn't this like a movie that you watch where you like go on holiday you meet this amazing person like the like like gorgeous and you have this like sort of carefree thing and you go swimming in the ocean every day and then and then he dies i was like that's like this is the tear jerker movie i was like oh my god and then she tells this sad thing about how she doesn't go scuba diving anymore because scuba was the gift that he gave to her and it's like too hard i was like i was like

and she's like sitting there laughing she's like the only way i could process it is by laughing i was like oh my god I was so sad by this.

Yeah, she's like,

she says, it's such a mystery that he drowned because he was a dive instructor but she also tells us that they used to like making out underwater and so i feel like it's not that much of a mystery i feel like he was loose with the rules um so yeah we have to talk to that more eel that's been all over below deck down under like what

yeah

the turtle the turtle she's like and then the saddest part was it as if the turtle knew he just passed by and waved like

um so

kizzy's like I'm not smiling because it's funny, by the way.

I just get really uncomfortable and I can't not smile in these situations.

And it's just like, it's because you're British.

That's how it is.

Nothing was funnier than the Queen's funeral.

I mean, we watch it, we still watch it on TV sometimes.

It's just hilarious.

And B's like, I've dealt with it.

You know what?

I just use lots of dark humor.

It's the only way to do it.

And she goes, yeah, your boyfriend's dead.

Shame.

And then they start laughing.

I'm like, I mean, it was funny, but also like, I don't know if you necessarily needed a yes and in that moment.

You could just explain why you were smiling.

Well, Kizzy is a sociopath.

Like, we start learning.

This is like the first instance of it.

Like, this is the first like example of it.

But we start seeing throughout the episode that Kizzy's a fucking sociopath.

And I kind of like looking, it's like a retrospective.

This is where it all began.

Ryan Murphy Show Monster starring Kizzy Kitchener's.

So meanwhile, Max Max has something to say.

He tells us, I'm a natural leader.

I like to go rude, rough at the beginning, and I want to lead with fear, like all the good leaders do.

In the Louis XIV reign, there was a guy named Maximilian.

He was just like me, just like Max Robespierre.

You know, everyone, famously, everyone wants to be like Robespierre, you know, and he started to speak up in the streets and took like all the people of France together to start making revolution.

And he was like using a guillotine and every day he was like killing all the royalty.

So maybe i'm like reincarnation let's do it for captain santi i'm like i don't i don't i just don't understand the the link between robespierre and like mopping a deck like i'm sorry i don't understand what like chamoising a railing has to do with like dropping the guillotine on marie antoinette marie yeah

mary antoinette marie antoinette marie antoinette yeah um yeah i don't know but um they're cleaning and so now asha is so excited because Kizzy loves decorating.

And Kizzy's like, yeah, I've always been a service girl.

I've worked on lots of charges, but my season I was on a private boat, which is really cool, especially because the owner, he died.

So, I mean, R.I.P.

and everything.

But yeah, I didn't have to do anything.

It was amazing.

I'm like, okay, you're.

Laughing about death.

What's wrong with this girl?

I like her.

I worry about any animals near the boat because I feel like she's probably in that, you know, like beginning stages of like killing small animals and stuff but i don't know i'm looking forward i it's been a long time since there's been someone on these shows that's like that could be a serial killer yeah yeah well because he says uh i mean it's not funny he's dead but shit i didn't have to do anything we literally got paid to like run loose on the boat it was so good i mean Of course, I was the one who killed him, so there was that, but whatever.

No one needs to know.

So basically, she's going to decorate everything.

It's going to be exciting.

So 19 hours before charter, and here come provisions.

So all the provisions come through, and Sandy's like, wow, that's a lot of provisions.

You know, I see some Capri sons in there, but not some Capri pants.

Who made this list in the first place?

Okay, that's a failure.

Someone's not listening.

I'll focus on getting provisions.

You focus on getting cubes done and possibly not making fun of dead people.

Right, kids.

So then it's 6:15, and Max is just getting really bossy.

We see him just bossying the ex-airline guy around all over the place.

He's like, oh, detail here.

I'll meet you downstairs.

You do this.

You do that.

You see me.

You sham me.

Or you lose your head.

Max, I'm impressed.

You came back, a changed man.

It's like, I did not lie, huh?

But then Christian's like, I'm so tired.

So then Asia is like looking over stuff and they're all just like kind of cleaning.

It's like a lot of stuff.

Yeah, it's like a cleaning episode, which is

crazy because we're already at an hour.

But yeah, they just, it's a lot of cleaning and hellos and stuff.

And then

Max is still bossing his guy around.

And now it's 14.5 hours before charter.

We did it, bro.

We did it.

And Christian's like, yeah, this guy's more experienced than me.

But I mean, I've flown planes and he really wants to be the boss.

And we're in the same position.

So, like, you're a deckhand as well.

I'm a deckhand who just got a phone number on a plane.

Totally real.

Totally.

Hello there.

This is a two-part recap, okay?

This is the end of part one.

So thank you so much for listening to this.

Just come back a little later for part two.

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