#3015 RHOM S7E17 Part Two: Slay-bells

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Watch what crap is.

Watch what crap is.

Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about.

This is part two of the recap.

If you missed part one, go check out your podcast feed.

It's right there.

And without further ado, let's get right back into the recap.

So then we get Maria.

She's like, Bonza, Bonça.

Listen, my name is Maria Torraro.

I'm the general director of Flora Grand Opera Foster to welcome you to this very important case.

We've got a surprise for you.

Julia Lemengova, star of stage and screen and the hearts are hearts are singing extraordinaire.

Julia Lemeno, please, you're embarrassing yourself.

She's not even donating money to you and you're kissing her ass like this.

Oh my God, girl.

So everyone claps.

They put in their earplugs.

I love that Maria is like, I'll do this, but I'm not doing it without a backup.

So they bring in superstar Laura Leon

from the magic flute.

And so they have her sing.

So Julia is singing next to this professional opera singer and they're not even singing a duet.

They're singing the exact same thing.

And it is so sad because you hear the opera singer singing it beautifully in on key.

And it's like,

and then you hear Julia going,

the fact that Julia, like, she's like, oh, I, I'm, I've just been training for nine months to be an opera singer, and now I'm like good enough to sing opera.

That the fact that she even thinks that is so hilarious when like people spend like years getting their voice in that condition and it's so hard, it's so, it requires such skill.

And this poor opera singer having to duet with her while Julia was like,

oh my God.

I mean, bless her heart.

Like go for what you love.

You know, it's like you're never too old to start something new.

You know, I believe that because I'm doing it, you know, I try my own new things these days.

But you're learning opera too.

Yes, I already know opera, sir.

But, you know, I like to take my piano classes.

Like, I'm, I'm a big believer in like doing things no matter your age.

So it's not even that.

But like, if you're really serious about something, go, go join it, be in a choir or go audition for the opera and be in the chorus.

You know what I mean?

But like, her only goal is to just have a scene where she can sing opera once a year.

And it's like, come on.

Get serious.

Let's get serious here if we're going to do this.

Okay.

Just five months ago, we were giving up on adoption because we thought that maybe that was not our destiny.

And then we got a phone call that says, please stop leaving awful opera singing on our voicemails.

We will give you children.

Just never call us again.

Look, now we have Luca and the other one.

So during her opera singing, which is literally like cats being skinned alive is what it sounds like.

To good opera music, because it's a good one singing.

So we see a montage of Martina with the boys.

And I do think it's cute that we see Martina teaching the boys tennis, or one of them at least, because she said she wasn't going to do that earlier.

And she sure enough is out there showing showing them her sport, which I thought was pretty cute.

She realized that, like, it's she's like, I can't let their lives go by without me regularly just saying, run faster, pussies, hit the ball.

Listen, if you don't have somebody to say, you want to end up like Steffi Graf, you fucking wuss,

then what kind of life are you leading?

Let me tell you something.

If I'd been stabbed, I wouldn't have given up, Monica.

got a little dark there sorry it did i was like oh i'm already in the midst of a laugh i'm already in the midst of a la bisha made us a stephanie what was that girl stephanie who was like gonna be doesn't matter where'd you go anna kornikova more like anna korna no career va

there i got us back on track

So the crowd cheers, which is interesting to hear people clapping because they weren't clapping with with their hands.

They were clapping their hands over their ears really hard, like just trying to shake what they just heard of out of their brain.

So then we go to Stephanie's Christmas party and Gertie's getting ready and she's jumping in her closet and

she pulls down this hilarious fucking purse.

It's this like big bowling ball of a purse.

And she's like, Cinderella, almost ready to go.

There we go.

We're going to go.

It's going to be amazing.

It's going to be crazy.

We're going to have a great night and I'm going to get so much jewelry.

So then we see everyone else getting ready, getting dressed, and Stephanie's in makeup and she's boring the hell out of her poor makeup artist.

So we have to pretend like she cares about this.

She's like, Shoma's motto is do it big, do it right, do it in style, alienate your twin sisters, or don't do it at all.

Yeah.

So then we go over to

Kiki, and she's coming in with her father, and there's a red carpet, etc.

And she's like, oh, I'm going to be on the naughty side tonight.

Let's start with some bubbles.

Thank you.

So everybody's just doing, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi.

And Stephanie has gifts from them or for them, rather, which are probably showmacaps.

I don't know.

I'm guessing.

Show me the money.

Show me the money.

My makeup artist said that.

It was so funny.

So then they all have, they go into their like little section and Kiki is

saying that she brought her dad because he's Haitian and that this is going to be a fundraiser for Haiti.

So that's going to be it.

And then everyone's like saying hi to La Ras.

They're like, oh my God, thank you.

You did such a good job with Kiki.

Thank you so much for coming.

He's like, thank you.

Thank you.

He has no idea what anyone's saying.

He can barely keep up.

He's like,

I'm just going to say thank you because I don't speak this language.

So Kiki's like, oh yeah, I think the ladies will love my dad.

And maybe he'll love some of them because my dad is a flirt.

Let's be honest.

So people show up.

Carmen makes her big return after they hyped up Carmen and she was on one episode and now she's back.

And Carmen has to be a little bit more.

Have no lines, right?

I think she says somebody's hot.

And that's all we hear from her the whole episode.

No, because Kiki's like, oh, Carmen, your boyfriend's hot.

And Kiki's like, oh, sorry, Carmen.

Carmen's like, no, he is hot.

That was it.

Yeah.

So then Lisa and Jodi arrive.

And

I just love Lisa.

I love watching her arrive anywhere.

She's taking the red carpet, like posing.

And Gertie meets Stephanie's parents and Lisa poses with Santa and Mrs.

Claus and all that good stuff.

And Jodi is mistaken for a nutcracker, which is awkward.

Santa tries to put a walnut in his mouth.

That's he 100%

is a nutcracker, like off-duty, off-duty nutcracker.

So Lars is like, I mean, I'm okay.

Like, we're seeing like Jodi because like, it's like the holiday likes.

so like i'm in the christmas spirit like and i don't want to be like a screw like

like

you know

so kiki pulls adriana and she's like can we talk bibs and so adriana's like you look beautiful she's like yes you do too and are you excited about okay look i know you get nervous adriana and i'm sorry we have to have this conversation now but i can't want to go with in with with a peaceful mind okay and i I want to apologize to you.

She goes, thank you about the whole cake thing.

And I'm sorry I did it, but it it was not coming from a bad place.

She goes, all right, that's fine.

I accept your apology.

I'm like, Adriana, you have had a fisty hit, a fissy hit, a hissy fit for two episodes straight.

This and that, you screamed, you had, you, you had meltdowns, and then it's just like, okay, yeah, I'm fine.

Bye, thanks.

I'm like, no, like

it's so, like, there's something that drives me nuts about that.

I feel like your apology has to kind of match the energy of not the apology.

The way you accept the apology has to kind of match the energy of like the amount of time everyone invested in hearing you complain about a situation.

If you're gonna, if you're going to complain and be annoyed and, and cause drama over birthday cake, frosting, like a bad joke, but then like you're not gonna like let Kiki sort of apologize properly because you're just gonna brush it off and be like, yeah, no, it's fine.

Bye.

I'm like, that's not fair to us.

Well, here's my feeling about my guess about it.

It's not really a deep feeling.

You guys, don't worry.

I'm not going to pour feelings on you, but my thought is this.

Adriana has somebody telling her, Adriana, stop.

Just stop it.

After that whole last episode, that was not a good look for Adriana.

And I think someone was like, okay, you just had an episode where you brought your black friend on and said, look, I can't be racist.

I have a black friend.

This is really cringe.

Stop it.

Make this go away.

You know, like, you're in trouble.

Make it go away.

And so I think she's just like, okay, I forgive you.

You know, it's like, well, it's also like the, it's also like the classic, you can't fight a war on two fronts.

So she's now decided, oh, yeah, Julia is my target.

I don't, I, I, I, I can make Julia

because this is, yeah, this is like, I, everything's fine with me and Kiki.

It's fine.

I need, I need my allies right now.

So now we're friends again.

But it would have been nice if Adriana had reciprocated there a little bit because she's like, well, all I know is that I said things and I apologize, but you know, I didn't want to say things the way I said it.

So maybe I chose the wrong word, but I want to move on and have a good night.

I mean, okay, but I think you need a better apology because Kiki's being really nice here, you know?

Yeah.

Kiki, whatever people say about the cake thing being so mean and this and that,

okay, even if it was like shady, which okay, it's still not that bad.

It didn't deserve the punishment.

I don't think that was cool.

So she deserves an apology too, but they're getting over it.

So that's good.

So

Kiki is like, and to be honest with you, Adriana, I still think you are one of the most beautiful women your age.

She goes, oh, my age, huh?

Is that a back-handed compliment, Kiki?

I'm like, just take it.

It just was like, just please stop being offended over every little thing.

But it's very Adriana because she goes, it's Christmas night.

I have the Christmas spirit and I'm receiving and accepting the gift of apology and I have a full performance.

So I don't want to be distracted by petty little things, which translates into, I will yell at her tomorrow.

But I've Emilio Estefan's here.

Yeah.

And Adriana's basically like, look, nothing's going to make me scream tonight.

And then it goes 30 minutes later, later, her screaming at Julia.

All right.

So now Kiki and Mary Sol are both with her.

And Kiki's like, well, we missed you at Julia's event.

She's like, well, I could not reschedule 12 people.

The best musicians in Miami.

Okay.

Oh, well, she was really her, you know, her little swan.

Little swan.

It was a swan song.

It was a swan song.

It was a very sad swan.

Yeah.

So that's, that's in 30 minutes to come.

A little teaser of what's to come because she winds up screaming at Julia there and being like, fuck up, fuck up, fuck off.

So then now Alexia and Julia arrive and Kiki, there's like jokes.

Kiki's like, because Santa's like, ho, ho, ho.

And Kiki's like, did you just call us hoes?

And then the shoes wear it, right?

Am I right, Santa?

Okay.

I'm so good with Santa.

Everybody knows it.

I'm a star.

I like they call me starry clos.

The producer says, Alexia, have you been naughty this year or have you been nice?

She was like, Well, I'm always a combination of both, you know?

And Larsa says, I haven't had sex in forever.

So doesn't that automate you automatically put you on the nice list?

Like, I'm nice, like

no, virgins are assholes, too.

Yeah.

I mean, what the hell?

And so the women are posing for pictures with Santa and stuff.

So then Kiki is with Julia.

So she's like, oh my God, Adriana went off on us.

She just missed us so bad.

And Marisol's like, yeah, let's

talk about it.

Well, we decided to take it upon ourselves to find out why Adriana didn't show up at your event.

And Julia is like, well, I texted her the next day and I said, Adriana, I hope your rehearsal went well.

Such a pity that you didn't.

You missed my special event because it was so special.

No response.

No response.

Zero.

Zero response.

And Julia has a really sick burn here.

She goes, so much emotion.

I swept under the carpet for years.

So much emotion under the carpet.

It's not even a rug anymore.

It's almost like a hill mountain with a rug on top of it.

Okay.

All right.

All right.

So now Stephanie goes to the gifts and gives a speech.

She's like, thank you so much for coming.

Okay, this is very loud.

Can we get this quieter?

Because this is ridiculous.

You're all fired.

Okay, so we're going to walk to the section next door for a concert.

So now they go next door and

it's 10 minutes late for the concert and stephanie's like um i don't know but this isn't a j-lo moment like we're not going to be waiting i have stuff to do we need to get the show going this is my party and they're all waiting because they all know it's gonna be a shitty concert and they're sitting there waiting and waiting and waiting and then like the music director go jonathan goes out to adriana is like um everyone's waiting for you's like well they need to back off the from the piano because nobody can be in this range i have to i you know i have to leave the piano and walk to the stage they all have to back the way the fuck up she's like having a diva meltdown over her three-song concert that she's about to do.

She's mad because all her friends are too close to the stage and they're all have their cell phones out and she doesn't want that.

She's like pulling a big diva.

She's like, no, this is very important.

I'm an artist.

And he's like, just get out there because Stephanie's like, oh my God, I'm going to kill her.

Like, you just see Stephanie in the front.

She's losing it.

So now it's 20 minutes late, but she comes out.

And,

you know, we make fun of people for singing to track a lot on these shows because it's like obvious that they're not even trying.

But sometimes you should sing to track.

And this is one of those times.

Track it up.

Yeah, not amazing.

So she comes out on stage.

The band starts playing.

It sounds very much like a wedding band.

And she's like,

first she does Feel the Rush, which is the theme song to this show that we're watching, which is.

Great.

She's the only housewife who's had her song actually ascend to being like the theme song to her franchise.

So she sings that, and they're like, I Marisol's like, I thought this was going to be a new song.

I mean, what sort of wretched music is this?

Don't be careful what you wish for because you know she's got old, wrinkled knees being written as we speak.

It's her first torch song.

Mine, my

knees are so old and wrinkled.

No, it'll just be in the style of Sabrina Carpenter.

Knees, knees, knees.

Why aren't you smooth?

Knees, knees, knees,

knees.

It is cold outside.

Why do you get so frozen?

You won't move.

I put on my moisturizer and rub it in hard, but they still say wrinkled and look so old.

Why

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so everyone's dancing and taking videos and next up is fire fire

then she sits down and like

gets her flared arms out you know her whatever you call them like she's got flares all over her arms

and then she stands up she's done and i love i love that last week she's like i've been practicing the piano for this it's like all she says is done dun dun.

I love my dog.

I love my dog.

I love my dog.

I love my dog.

I love my dog.

I love my dog.

I really love my dog.

I really love my dog.

I really love my dog.

And the funny thing is that, like, Robin Thick actually has a song that does like the same thing.

He literally has a song that takes Beethoven's fifth and he goes singing around with it.

It's crazy.

Oh, right.

The new Robin.

She's the new Robin Think.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Who sings about their dog?

I think it's stupid because if you really need your, if you really love your dog, you don't have to sing about it.

And if you do, you should

sing it at home to your dog so your dog can hear you sing it.

Like, it's not in the middle of a stage.

Like, nobody wants to hear that.

Alexia is so dead serious about her own logic on this, which could be applied to any love song, I just want to say.

Like, don't sing about your dog in public.

You shouldn't do that.

It's not nice.

Who sings about their dog?

So, yeah, she's still singing about the dog.

Like, she really goes there.

And that's her final song is the dog song.

That has a slideshow, too.

An AV experience.

They're all like, wow.

And everyone cheers.

And then it just goes to Kiki.

And she goes, wow, the Mighty has fallen.

Unlike her age, this one is really dropping.

So.

They're like, wow, that was good.

Larsa, Adriana, that was like so good.

Like, that was like really good.

And Steffi's like, oh, the dog song took me off guard.

Was that a tribute to the two dogs that we put into the apartment upstairs?

Remember when that was going to be a storyline?

The dogs that pooped in the apartment.

Remember that?

So Julia's like, okay, well, can I pull my bestie from one singer to another?

I want to congratulate her in person.

So Julia pulls Adriana

and...

you know, Adriana's like, oh, I'm so out of breath.

It's been a long day.

She's like, oh, I'm, you know, that I am happy for you.

You know, I'm really, I'm really, really happy for you.

So happy.

Okay, well, maybe I don't know, Julia, because I mean, you've been so like weird, you know, recently.

Oh, was I?

Was I being weird?

Yeah, you like being to yourself and to Mario, okay?

So, there.

Well, you introduced me to that group, and I feel like you are punishing me now.

Don't gaslight me.

Don't gaslight me.

What happened?

Why didn't you come for my event where I sat saying terrible opera next to piano for foster children?

I have a band, a band for 12 people, okay?

This is very big.

This is my dream since I was a little baby.

Oh, well,

why you never text me?

Even a foster child who never listened to opera would text me back.

Yes, a foster child just, a foster child just texted me and said, please stop singing.

So even they know how to text.

Come on.

And she's like, I have dreams of this.

You want to come compete with me, Julia?

You started this last year.

You know, I've been doing this for 14 years, Julia.

This is important.

Oh, so you're jealous of me singing.

She's like, no, I'm not jealous.

You didn't even tell me you were doing that.

Okay.

So this is very Julia to be like, not even mention it and then get mad that you didn't show up for it.

Yeah.

And Julia is like, it's about the singing.

And Adriana is saying like, no, it's about, this is about you being fake and mischievous and a bad friend.

And I don't want to throw you under the bus like this, but you keep on pushing me.

I'm going to do it.

It's like, shame on you, Adriana.

Shame on you.

She's like, oh, shame on you.

Shame on you for not respecting my lifetime dream to sing about my dog in the lobby of a building for trying to get my life from me.

You're toxic.

The mask is off.

I wish you love.

She goes, oh, I see you for who you are.

And now I'm going to treat you like you treat me.

And I'm going to be your friend to me too.

So see how you like it.

So she walks off.

Stephanie's like, are you kidding me?

Adriana, Julia are fighting at the holiday party for the Shoma Bazaar.

What the fuck is going on with these girls?

It's Christmas and we have an espresso station in the corner for people who want to turn this into a workspace after the party.

I can't believe they would do this.

Well, if that's how you want to leave it, oh, do you support me?

Do you know that my band is 12 people?

Did you tell me when your thing is?

So you see, she didn't even tell her when her thing was.

This is so fucking Julia.

And this is why Adriana always loses because she's got a point, but she acts like such an idiot that no one ever listens to her.

You know, she goes off and acts crazy, and nobody listens to what she's saying.

But I fucking knew that she didn't tell her.

I knew it.

And then Julia tries to pull this card.

She goes, well, have you checked in on my children?

She goes, well, am I their godmother?

She goes, really?

She's like, you used me.

How?

How did I use it to get into this group?

And now you don't feel like you need me anymore.

Go, go be with your real friends.

So, meanwhile, we just get a shot of Mary Sol, Alexia, you know, lying all over each other on the couch, playing kissy face.

And they're going like, I love you, bro.

I love you, bro.

Oh, you found your tribe, Julia.

Look at them over there, knees kissing, old, wrinkly knees intertwined.

Okay.

You manipulate your gaslight.

And then Adriana tells us, I mean, who gets engaged nine times?

Nine times.

Until she finally landed, you know, a champion player.

You're here tonight because of me, because nobody would ever found you in that shit place you lived in, okay?

Nobody would have ever found you there.

I brought you in here.

I brought you into this group.

I gave you all your moments.

You are a user.

You are a user.

Julia's like, there's no hope for you.

I have seen Adriana yelling and screaming numerous times on different people.

And then we see quite a significant montage of Adriana yelling at everyone.

I mean, Adriana has yelled at everyone.

Let's be honest.

Julia's not wrong on this front.

Yeah, but Julia has too julia has yelled at a lot of people too and julia gets physical and throws things at people she threw water she threw a bucket of ice on marisoul so it's not like she's some little innocent bystander i threw party for opera singers and foster babies so adriana's like do we have to get into every conversation and so uh anyway sorry we so we just see like a montage of the screaming and julia's like that's why she does things so adriana sits down next to lisa lisa like come on over here you'll be fine she's like can you believe I have to hear that shit after my big performance?

Like, okay.

Well, at least.

I did not play Woodstock.

Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know how you got that classical thing out.

I mean, that was really rough.

That was huge.

Oh, well, what people don't know is in front of everybody, she was acting like my best friend, but behind closed doors, she was guilt-tripping me for things.

She was controlling me.

She was yelling at me.

She was making me feel smaller than this all the time.

So Lara says asking, like, what happened?

And Julie's like, I'll tell you later.

And she's like, and I can't take it anymore.

I'm done.

It's like four years of freaking mental, psychological abuse.

So speaking of which, we now endure that because Stephanie has the microphone.

Good evening, everyone, and welcome to the magical Christmas celebration here at Shoma Bazaar.

Tonight is about celebrating the joy of the season with those who make life so special.

And I'm truly honored to share it with all of you here.

And I'm launching a new cocktail at the Shoma Bazaar called the Kiki Courage.

So now there's going to be a beverage at this place.

And it's for Kiki and it's for her foundation, for the people of Haiti.

And, you know, all these things come out, these signs and big images of her, of her face.

And Kiki gets on stage and she thanks everyone and she talks about how Haiti has gone through unimaginable struggles.

And she's really happy to have the proceeds go to Haitian Health Foundation, which is really great.

And she's really happy because her dad gets to see her in this moment, giving back to the country.

Yeah.

So Alexi and Stephanie are holding up cutouts of Kiki's face.

They're all cheering for her.

And so they move on to the drinks and everyone's posing for photos.

And

Adriana, so Adriana is talking to Kiki again.

So Kiki is like, Adriana, I have a question.

Earlier, I was talking to Marisol and Marisol clearly said that she was the one that told you not to use the word to say ratchet, to say ratchet.

She's like, oh my, I've just was like oh my god

now

i mean this season here's why this season is so good you have larsa and lisa how it starts with larsa and lisa having a fight over marcus jordan and then eventually lisa unfollows marcus jordan it took forever all season long she unfollows marcus jordan they go to a dinner Adriana says that Lisa did this.

She wasn't supposed to say it.

Kiki tells her you weren't supposed to say it.

Adriana says, Stop being ratchet.

Tiki is like, You are too old to be saying those things.

It becomes a fight.

Julia does not stand up for Adriana enough.

And now, this entire fight, like this entire fight, this entire thing, it all just connected to all these storylines.

And I'd like those are the best seasons when you have one stupid thing in the beginning that just gets bigger and bigger and bigger, and then just like is like a is like a entertaining cancer that takes over the entire cast.

And now, now this is where we are.

Yeah, snowballs.

So, we see one hour earlier, Mary Sol is telling kiki um she's like well she did call you ratchet and i gave her the word word wretched to save her

ass

which okay well how does that make you look good if adriana was exactly so if you believe that adriana said something fucking terrible and that has

problematic that's highly problematic to a black woman and you didn't stand up and say adriana you don't say that to a black woman and instead went and helped her come up with some little little excuse or some alibi or whatever, then doesn't that make you fucking wretched?

Like, what the fuck?

Yeah.

Gross.

Like,

only Mary Soul would think, like, I'm going to stick her with an ass on.

It's like, you look worse.

Like, yeah.

She goes, I said, I'm going to help you clear this ratchet thing up.

And I'm going to come up with a word that sounds just like it.

And you can exclaim, you can just say it's your accent.

And I said, and I helped you.

And I said, don't fucking put me, like, don't, don't come from me for two more years just leave me alone but now stuff's coming back to me you can't leave me alone so then Marisol explained Pips told me under the radar that she had said something to Stephanie to Stephanie to get Stephanie mad at me I was like

What?

What?

So Adriana said something to Stephanie to get Stephanie mad at her?

No, Stephanie started that whole conversation.

Larza, shut up, Larza.

That whole conversation was Stephanie sitting down with Mariusoul and getting mad at Mariusoul on her own.

That had nothing to do with Adriana doing it.

And Stephanie was the one who sat with her at that lunch and said, you know, I think Marisol is really a backstabber and two-faced and this and that.

And Adriana just smiled.

Well, what's also funny is that the evidence of this is the big thing that Adriana did, according to Marisol, is that Adriana, we see this scene of Adriana, Stephanie sitting, and Adriana says, you got to understand, Marisol has a PR company.

She knows how to influence people.

So she uses all that knowledge that she has when it comes to that.

And meaning that like

that like what Marisol heard is that Adriana said she manipulates people in situations.

And now Marisol is saying like, look, I manipulated a situation for her so I could influence the outcome.

And now she's going around telling people that I manipulate situations and have influence over people.

I've had it.

Yeah.

And I was like, are you kidding me?

I mean, I just had lay off me for two years.

So I said, oh, guess what?

She said said ratchet i came up with ratchet and there you go and adriana's like oh she manipulates she manipulates shit she goes oh no you said what you said are you gonna manipulate also that you called me old but it didn't hurt me as much as it hurt you when kiki said it just yes yes and mary soul's like you're the manipulator so adriana tells us she's like i was just pouring my heart explaining what i meant and mari soul goes oh you meant this and she pulls out the word and says you owe me forever so that's an example of mari souls and that actually does make more sense than what mary soul is saying it actually does i don't think that marisol was like this is what you've got to say it's more like oh

oh this is the word you were thinking of yeah you were the yeah did you mean were you trying to say wretched was that the it wasn't like she said hey kid this is what you got to tell the people right Sort of hard.

Like, I don't mean to think Adriana.

What would work?

What sounds like ratchet?

What could it be?

I mean, I just stayed up all night trying to come up with something something to tell her.

And then I thought of a word, ratchet.

I don't believe that.

She's like, yeah, you called her ratchet, which by the way, I still believe that Adriana called her ratchet.

And Adriana's like, she's like, no, no, you're wretched.

Like, you're, you're like, like, old and miserable, you know, like wretched.

Like, remember when she said I was old and it was terrible?

It turns out I called her old first, which was okay.

Oh, here we go again.

You're calling me old again.

And Alexis is like, Adriana, don't do it.

Don't do it.

Don't call people old.

Oh, you look like you're going to a funeral, Marisol.

Because she's wearing black.

And Marisol's like, I don't want to talk to you anymore.

Oh, go to a funeral then.

Go to the funeral.

She's like, well, you look like you're going to an ice skating ring.

An ice skating ring.

Oh, burn.

Burn on the ice, guys.

I did that.

Listen, guys, don't fight at Shoma Bazaar.

This is the holidays.

It's about giving back, loving each other.

trying to get onto my private plane.

Okay, let's have fun.

So Gertie's like, okay, gifts, gifts, gifts.

Oh, God, we'd have gifts.

Oh, my God.

I'm so glad we have time for the gifts.

Okay, can we hurry this up?

Okay, we got like five, five minutes to open up these gifts.

So then people are opening up boxes and it's a makeup kit.

And Kiki is like, from now on, whenever I fight one of those bitches, I'm just going to be like, I got a gift for you and don't look at me, et cetera.

So now they're all happy because they're opening up makeup and things like that.

And Marisol's like, oh, thank you, Santa.

Thank you.

Oh, Santa.

Wow.

Thank you so much.

So Adriana's like thanking,

she thanks Stephanie stephanie and alexia she's like thank you for being my backup downstairs you girls were amazing and now we start to see the little updates for the end of the season so adriana is working on taking her show on the road but with one less fan in the crowd because she's still not speaking to julia

and then we see um

vika has finally met the boys but emma still hasn't and kiki is working on a relationship with her dad and she's getting ready to buy a condo in Stephanie's building.

Oh, and then we see Julia at home with the kids, and Julia's like, Jackson, are you creating music?

Oh,

oh, look at him.

He's eating lemon.

He's my son.

That's what I do.

I eat lemon too.

And Martina's like, they like lemon.

They like olives.

They like ginger.

They like silence.

They've been asking for that.

They like strong flavors to which i say strong flavors isn't gonna bring the ball closer to your racket room

julia co-starred in florida grand opera's carmen oh so i take it back julia is doing something oh sorry i rescind vika has finally met the boys but emma still hasn't so then at larza's she's facetiming justin and she's like justin like look like i also like wanted to show you like the hot tub like there's a gummy bear staring at me it's kind of weird i don't like it yeah

uh to add to her new house larsa is dating a new man it's a basketball player jeff kobe and jeff predicts that they'll be married by the end of the year just in case larsa plans on freezing more eggs

haven't you frozen your face enough i mean did the eggs do the eggs come out frozen too they come out frozen just have them just have them taken

you had so much botox in you those eggs have been frozen for years okay

larsa we know your timeline okay.

I appreciate that you're uh freezing your eggs, but we know your timeline.

So then

you've been with us for many years, okay.

Um, also, I'm glad to see she's with yet another love-bomby uh basketball player, and then we go to Gertie's home, and uh

now there she's with her with the kids, and they're talking making jokes about cats.

Gertie continues to take solo therapy, she has no plans for additional reconstructive surgery for now,

Lisa's condo Lisa inspired by her tumultuous

divorce Lisa and Jodi developed an app called Splitwell which

is

okay it's kind of a good idea I think like they teach

I thought so wasn't that last year's storyline yeah that's true because I remember hearing that before

Yeah

I like it's kind of like a good companion to made well it's like oh you can get buy something from the Madewell brand and then get something from Splitwell.

Yeah.

So Stephanie is at her condo with Masud, her dream boat, Masoud.

And she's like, a lot of thoughts are going through my head.

The baby situation.

I don't talk to my sisters.

I left them voicemails.

I just want a phone call from a sister.

It doesn't have to be both.

I mean, they're identical twins.

I'll just take one.

Soon after Stephanie's dream came true, one twin started talking to her.

Although technically, what the twin said was, shut the fuck up and stop talking about me on tv that comes from me and nurse my sister bye it's a voicemail so mary souls um mary soul and alexia are hanging out and um mary soul's like i'm just worrying i want you to be happy we want to talk it makes you happy but how do i work into the picture with you and time i mean well am i gonna still be your friend she's like okay so if we get back together you're always gonna be in my life except when i'm busy with thought and it doesn't matter what you say i'm not gonna hear it because i'm gonna be with thought like you were a great friend to me and I'm sorry that you've died to me as a friend.

But you know what?

You've always have been and he's going to have to understand that even though I'm never going to bring you around to bother Todd.

But I talk shit about Todd.

I don't care.

So then Marisol and Steve are looking for their next wedding location.

Water will not be served, but Kaki sure will be.

And finally.

Don't worry though.

Todd and Alexia, They have spent all season working on their relationship.

You know, she was so mad.

She said narcissists should die.

And then she started to realize that they do have something.

They love each other, which is why inevitably we had this update.

Todd has officially divorced Alexia.

So does that mean he did bamboozle her?

And they were like, he's going to bamboozle you.

Yeah.

They tried dating, but have broken up for now.

Oh, gosh.

Well, Miami, great season, as usual.

Love this show.

And we've still got three weeks of reunion coming up.

So that should be pretty fun.

Yeah, looking forward to it.

Thanks, everyone, for being here thanks for being with us this season we'll talk to you next time bye

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