#3014 RHOM S7E17 Part One: Slay-bells

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Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, everybody.

So good to see you.

I'm Ronnie.

That's Ben over there.

Hi, Ben.

Hi.

How are you?

Wonderful.

Happy Monday, my little friend.

Thank you.

I have to issue a formal apology to the listeners.

It's one of those moments.

Formal apology because it came to my attention from my wonderful co-host, Rondell, Ronnie Carrum, that for who knows how long

the audio from my computer, like any alerts, like, oh, you got a text message, or I'm sending a text message out, or whatever, all these little bips and bops and beeps has been getting channeled directly into the podcast audio of the recordings.

And so I'm really sorry that you've been listening to this podcast and you're hearing

like I'm so sorry.

I had no way.

I thought it was just a Shannon impersonation because it was like no.

It's like this on the heels of my microphone acting crazy last week.

I just feel like I am failing at the audio game.

And so I really, no, for real, I'm really sorry.

That must have been very distracting for people.

And

I just didn't know.

I had no idea.

You know what?

Everyone checked their phones a few times during that last week.

I had no idea.

Did I know?

No.

Did I know?

No.

So sorry, everyone.

Welcome to the show, everybody.

It's the real Housewives of Mijami.

Finale, season finale, everybody.

It's going to be a super fun one.

Okay.

Monday, we have Amazon Live at 4 p.m.

Pacific time.

You can find details on our bio, link and bio over at Instagram.

So head over there for that.

Also, we're on video as we are every day.

You can watch videos fresh on our Patreon.

And that's also where you get our bonus episodes.

We just did a great British bake off or baking show.

cast roast that was super fun.

And next week, we're going to do something different and fun too.

So you never know what you're going to get.

So join us over at Patreon and thanks to everybody who joins us over there.

We'd love doing our Patreon stuff, okay?

And now, here we are with Real Housewives of Miami.

What'd you think, Ben?

Oh, well, you know, it's Miami, always good, always

good, always hilarious.

Always good, yes.

I'm sad it's done.

I'm sad it's done.

I don't know, you know what?

I thought the whole episode was ratchet,

it's also

ratchet,

So here we are, season seven, episode 17, Frosty Friendships.

Ooh,

we open at Mary's Hall's home.

She'll be having a Christmas party.

All right, but it's Miami, so it's hot.

So we're going to have a pajama Christmas party.

I mean, I have a claw machine, but in the claw machine, you can get jewelry.

Think of some meals, the best Christmas party anybody's ever been to.

I love parties.

I love the holidays.

I just want to bring a little bit of christmas to miami it doesn't feel christmassy because it's so fucking hot outside am i right oh god i'm wacky

look at my santa bra she's like oh my god is santa there there there's the santa if i've ever seen one look at santa look look at santa uh so santa's waving at alexia on the phone she's talking on the phone to her and married soul's like yeah there's no big agenda behind this it's just a fun christmas party i mean

like me there's no agenda.

Yeah,

she thinks people are like, She's having a Christmas party.

What's the agenda?

And Alexia is like, Well, I just want to be there and like have fun with you, you know, girl, but I can't, you know, because no, like, oh, I, you know, like, I'm having fun in front of Frankie.

You know, I have to undo all the damage that Todd did in front of Frankie, you know.

So Maricel explains, well, the one time that bro and I don't communicate, which is, you know, we usually talk daily, and she has a Christmas event at our salon.

I'm like, this was probably producers trying a last-ditch effort to draw a wed, like put a wedge between you two.

They're trying, I think, all the time to get these two to turn on each other.

Like, what if they have dueling parties and now people have to make a choice?

Then they'll get mad at each other.

It's just, I don't believe that they didn't know that each other was having a party.

This is crazy.

I think Mary, I think Alexia was like, no, I'm going to have my happy hour.

So, you know what?

You would do what you want.

We'll see who shows up where, but we don't really get a fight out of it, which is kind of a fail.

There were multiple things, actually that were coming to a head that should have been a fight.

And people are just getting too mature to fight about it.

So they're like, let's not have a fight.

And they're like, okay, look at us not fighting because things on Bravo have gotten to the point where you've got real housewives of New Jersey being so toxic and fighting so much that they get put on pause and half fired, you know, for all we know.

And, you know, Andy's doing this thing now at the end of reunions where he's like, are you going to make up?

Like, so you forgive each other?

Where do you see this relationship going?

And if they don't see it going anywhere they're fired pretty much is how we've seen it pan out for the past couple of years and so now on this show i think they're paranoid so they're they're just trying to make up but you guys you have to have the fights and then make up you can't just make up before the fight

right

so alexia is like well you know i was thinking like i can have you by the way remember in the flashback i invited everyone over to my party no okay so like this was the only day i could do the happy hour so it's just like really bad luck because the other days I was, let's see, Wednesday was a void marouse hole.

Thursday was a void maroule.

Friday was a void marisol.

So like really, that's the only day I could do it.

But then she decided to do something my one day where I wasn't avoiding her.

So that's too bad.

I love she's, it's a business.

Like the only day we could do it was that one day.

It's only day at the salon.

It's like the only day the salon's not booked at night.

Like, okay.

So she's like, well, some will come to mine, some will go to hers.

And it is what it is.

She's still my rusty.

I'll send you a, I'll send you you some gunny bags honey she's like okay don't do it in front of frankie though it could hurt him so then we go to alexia and frankie's beauty bar and um they're cheersing they're like sitting back in one of those like massage chair things cheersing each other and it's like cheers to us because you know where we're at right now alexia and frankie's beauty bar it's crazy i can't believe we're here frankie

you know i'm not gonna lie i've abandoned alexia and frankie's beauty bar for the last year because of all you know kinds of problems I've had in my life, dude, you know.

And so like, now I'm like ready to take control again because, you know, like my mental state is better.

I'm like, wow, I love to hear that.

I love to hear that like a guy can, can like play mind games with you and then like your entire company has to suffer because of it.

Like, get rid of Todd.

Like, this guy's bad for even for your business.

I'm not going to get rid of Todd.

So give it up.

Maybe you could support me a little bit.

Okay.

Like, we're going to have some drinks and then we're going to do manicures and pedicures and have some bites.

And you can only do it on one night a week.

So truthfully, when Frankie and I, because like, you know, like, look, Frankie and I have a magnet to bring in people and bring in money, you know?

Like the days of Frankie and I are Alicia and Frankie's beauty bar.

We have really good days.

It's so good here.

Some of these days are so, so, so good, right, Frankie?

And he's like, party, party.

I like that.

And then we go over to Mary Saul's and she's wearing a green furry hat.

And guess who is there?

The woman who designed my fabulous new rug.

Miss Jill Zarin herself.

Can you believe I got a Jill Zarin rug?

You got a Jill's.

Your rug is a Jill Zarin rug?

Yes, I got a new rug, and it is a Jill Zarin rug that I got from, I think, Ruggable.

And let me tell you, it's a nice rug.

I have a Giles Zarin.

Did you know it was a Jill's Aaron rug?

You got it?

I did.

I did.

And I want to show, I want to tell people, I'm only sharing that with you because that's personal growth for me to be able to buy a Jill Zarin rug.

Supporting other women.

Yeah.

Look at you.

That's right.

And every day I walk into that room and I say,

so Jill's like, oh, I love your hat.

I love your hat.

I have a question.

When you walk on your Diet Coke, do you hear a voice in your house?

I go, that's hunting.

I was going to say, when you walk on your rug, do you hear a voice that says, I can show you how to make a real Diet Coke.

I can show you how to make a real Diet Coke.

Would have been funnier if I hadn't just.

You got to have a glass and you got to have ice.

That's how you do it.

That's how you do it.

That's how you do it.

So, yeah, she's like, your hat it looks like a Christmas tree.

And then Stephanie comes and she's like, oh, my God, if you weren't wearing the hat, how am I supposed to find you without the hat?

So then they're putting it on PJs

and Marisol's like, oh my God, we got a smorgasbord, a cornucopia of goodies all over the property.

Look at all this.

And so Larsa comes in and she's like, hi, like, hi, like, happy how it is.

Like, like, happy how it is and this and that, and XYZ, like, and they're all like, uh, sampling.

They're all these like tables that are set up and they can get free shit and try on jewelry and all that fun stuff.

Yeah.

Um, they've got the jewelry claw.

Oh my God, you've got a machine that gives us diamonds.

And Larsa's like, I always win.

Look, you guys, like, I always win, like, like, I won, I won, like, diamond earrings.

Like,

all I do is win, like, all I do is win, like.

So she says, I don't know.

I guess I'm just a I'm like a good gold digger, like like like so then they're like opening up their their stuff and Marisol's like, Oh my god, I lost my cocky.

Guess what?

Cockies were back.

You all thought I gave up cockies for the season, bringing it back for the finale, oldie but goody.

Am I right?

Where's Dick?

My friend was staying with me and Jessica when I was watching this, and she goes, What the fuck is a cocky?

She's got this big booming deep voice.

And she goes did that did that lady just say she's she lost a cock and i said no she said cocky like cocktails she goes that's stupid yes i love watching with someone else who has brushes

before she's like what is wrong with their faces

someone who hasn't been beaten down and and had all this stuff normalized so gurdy goes over to like one of these tables where a lady is like making little jewel like little jewelry chains or whatever and it's like okay what are we okay ladies talk to me talk to me okay okay i don't want any charms okay like get rid of of the charms this has to be smaller okay take out the crown take out the crown i don't want this either take these two off come on there's a lot of free stuff and time is money time is money let's get this going large even large was like girdie like that's not how you talk to people like gurdy you can't do that girdie she's like listen there's a lot of kiosks a lot of free things things need to go quickly i cannot be wasting time with extra crowns on my bracelet here hurry up hurry up

I gotta get as much as I can, okay?

So we have things to do.

We have things to do.

She's like, nobody acts like that.

Who behaves like like that oh you know when you have free things and you're like oh my god i want to take as much as i can that's what i'm doing i'm doing it she's like um well just make sure you at least like whatever you're getting like she goes okay what you know what we're gonna do a countdown okay and then we're gonna run and we get shit

it's like speed dating but it's shopping

Marisol, Marisol, like, I want to take a good photo with you.

Like, she's like, oh, yeah, pips.

We're going to take a picture with Santa.

Come on.

they all take a picture it's like funny and everything in marisol's like wow look i got some expensive friends here and she's wretched this one over here is wretched not ratchet you know the word there's a difference in the words just making a really light joke about a racial situation i'm gonna inflame in about 10 minutes what a christmas party i love hey santa love your paul love your paul santa he's like please get off of me please i don't get paid for this

oh look everyone that's adriana okay hello okay pop star okay look i'm obsessed with your top i'm obsessed with it and and uh adriana's like oh yes yes i'm here so they all walk over and they get they're like getting uh adriana and pjs because they're all putting on these pjs and there's all these like patterns and it's a lot of like clothing racks going on it's actually a pretty good party there's like a lot of free shit for a for a christmas party i have to say Yeah, Marius Sol has done this before, right?

Where she has these parties where she just loads people's arms.

I mean, this is the way to go for sure.

Yeah.

Mario Soul is actually very good at throwing events and she usually gets the best brands to give her stuff so she can re-gift it to us.

But it's okay.

You know what?

Buy me today.

I'm here for it.

I'll give you peace in exchange.

That comes back to haunt her.

Yeah, really.

So Stephanie goes up to Santa and she's like, Dear Santa, last year I asked for friends and this year I got them.

Oh,

that's like so sad.

It's so sad.

Especially that all these people can't stand her, clearly.

Yeah.

Then we go over to Alexia and Frankie's booty bar.

And so Julia shows up there and she's like, I admire Alexia for continuing her business.

We as women need to always rely on ourselves because only we can pour water on other people's heads.

No one can do it for us.

Which is why I only marry hundreds of millionaires.

Hundreds of millionaires.

Yeah, exactly.

So Kiki shows up and she's got her daughter Summer with her.

And she's like, I mean, who knows what's going to happen with Todd?

It's important for her to have plan B.

And that's for every woman.

You can't throw all your eggs in one basket because these men are going to turn on you.

You know who doesn't turn on you?

Vibrators.

Vibrators.

So Julia's telling Alexia it's a beautiful event and Alexia is saying how she's like, I'm really happy.

I'm really happy.

You know, this is what a star looks like when she's happy.

It's my face.

Look.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know why?

Because I love to connect with my customers.

I love it.

I love talking to people.

Watch this.

Hi.

Look at it.

I'm like a natural.

I'm like a star.

Welcome.

Amazing.

Amazing.

I love to connect with my customers, which is why I ignored this place for a year.

So they're making small talk and stuff.

Summer's getting her nails done.

And Julie is like, oh, this reminds me.

In a few days, martina and i are making an event with florida grand opera and the agency that we adopted our boys from foster we are all going to unite opera and foster children

finally the two things that people want to do on any given night spend spend time and learning about foster children and opera at the same time

I would love to unite causes because classical music, its prison, has such healing powers.

And I'm feeling how helpful it was to my little boys who have been through so much trauma and what an impact Beethoven has made on their behavior.

I'm like, what are you, what are you talking about?

Maybe you should play some Beethoven for your daughters.

Opera has totally changed their

kids.

Maybe you should play some for your daughters.

They hate you.

People are upset at me.

People are upset at me about my.

I don't really.

Well, I mean, I really don't, honestly, I really don't give a shit about the daughters and the relationship because I don't know, like last week, well, because last week I was like, you know, those kids, they should just like, I don't know, I think my mindset's kind of like, oh, get over it, kids already.

But people are like, you don't understand what it's like to have toxic parents.

This is figuring for privilege.

I'm like, that's probably fair.

That's probably fair.

And I accept that.

I also don't think it's that deep.

It just is like, it's just like Julia's kids.

Like, who really gives a fuck?

They're just going to be spoiled brats in Europe, okay, okay everyone whether whether you whether they should whether they should erase julia or not brats in europe whether like honestly you know um no i mean that joel that whole julia's kids thing i mean i don't know i don't know what i've said i've probably changed my mind a million times but i i don't know none of us really know what's going on right so it's kind of easy to just make jokes like we have no idea what's going on here's what we do know julia didn't even know where her kid went to school julia is a fake manipulative person she's a bad bad friend, and she's kind of a self-involved dick.

So, I mean, I'm this whole time I've been like team kids, you know, like I'm on their side, but it doesn't really bother me when

I'm like, fuck those kids either.

Cause part of me is like, I mean, you're so rich.

You're just so the other thing is that they're spoiled brats, too.

You have to admit, like, they can all be terrible people.

I mean, this is like watching, it's like succession, you know?

It's like, you don't, you're really, you're not really rooting for anyone, are you?

But

I can't imagine happening, but I would be

if my parents parents just adopted kids and didn't tell me.

Yeah,

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know if I would, I mean, you would be, if you would.

If you're I would be because I feel like it would be my responsibility.

And we've named him Ben.

We've actually named him Ben.

We've got a second chance at Ben.

Mother.

I think I would just be mad because I know the responsibility would fall on me and that'd be so annoying.

Yeah, me too.

I can't imagine living with Martina as easy.

Yeah.

Like when you're older, like you're adopting a kid with Martina and then who's going to end up taking care of this child?

Me.

That's what I, that's what I would feel.

That was my initial thought, too.

It was like, you're going to leave all this shit to me.

And I'm not adopting these kids, but you're kind of making it my responsibility.

And now I have to love these kids like my brothers.

And I'm like, I don't even know who these kids are.

And like, like, you never, you know, it's kind of like when you go over and someone makes you hold the baby.

I'm like, why do I, why do I have to hold the baby?

Like, I don't, why?

Why?

And it's kind of like that.

That's so I totally get that from the daughters, but I also feel like the daughters have just like just like live some they're just like tripsing around europe at all times so i'm always like okay

like they like live like this really wonderful life and then they're gonna be like we're mad i'm like i don't really want to hear from you either so you're like you may have

i know traveler oh you know what i i'm i'm so sorry that you hit your mom i'm you know maybe what you should do is go hang out with your like rich elton john and jason's like step parents like godparents down in the south of Spain instead.

You know, I'm like, I'm like, I don't know.

I think they're all living a very charmed life right now, and they probably all piss each other off.

So I guess I don't really have a very strong stance on either of them.

I understand why I pissed off people because people have very fraught relationships with their parents and they know it's just like, it's, it's very, um,

like, it's just not as simple as being like, oh, get over yourself, kids.

The parents are trying to do things for you.

I understand that, but I also think like it's not worth getting so upset about.

Well, we're also different in that way.

I mean, we were, we were raised in very different environments.

Like I was raised in a more yelly, toxic,

like dismay.

Like I'm in a very good place with my family, but we had some rough times for sure.

And so I tend to take the side of the kids more, where I think you take the sides of the parents more because you were raised with such close.

parent like i don't know to me your life's

believer

you know like it seems like so perfect the way you talk about it i don't mean it in a mean way it's a good thing you know but like i i think maybe once you haven't gone through that stuff you can't imagine that it could be like that between parents 100 and kids you know 100 i i i come from privilege in that sense i'm also like a good little jewish boy where it's like who would ever do that to their mother

oh and i'm terrible like i'm i was a terrible kid that's the mother's like i'm gonna with my mom as much as possible like i was a hellion and i think my mom was the same way with me you know we just battled like forever and until really i was 40 until i was when i was 40 i was like okay i'm 40.

like i cannot go home and fight with my mom like i've got i can't do this anymore this is crazy and i think we both made a truce and we were like you know what we're never going to agree so let's just still love each other and just disagree silently and passive aggressively.

And that's how we do it now.

We just give each other withering looks and then sigh.

And everybody knows what we mean and we move on, you know?

You graduated into being a wasp congratulations

you did it the american dream has come true inside of you the idea is to work hard and get to the tier where you treat life like a wasp and you just don't talk about things and just say things passively it's just so much easier it really is it's time for a commercial it's time for a crappin' commercial

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So, okay, so anyway, Julia is going to have this opera thing, and she's saying, you know, classical music has such healing powers.

Julia, classical music doesn't have healing powers strong enough to fix my ears after listening to you sing.

And that's just the end.

It needs to be stronger.

Okay.

Yeah.

Like, Beverly Sills may have healing powers.

Julia,

destroying powers.

Like, that is

that's not healing.

Okay, good opera.

You're Beverly Shrimps.

Beverly Shrimps.

Renee Phlem

in my ears.

Like, no.

Shut up, Arati.

Shut up.

Jesse Abnorman.

We're done.

We're done.

So we cut the Mary Souls party and Gertie is talking to Adriana about Julia.

And she's like, oh, and what about you and Julia?

Because you know what?

I have to commend you.

I have to commend you.

You have been stellar, a stellar friend to that woman.

You have been a perfect friend, four out of four stars.

You gurdified that friendship.

You gurdified it.

And the gallery thing that you just had for Art Basil and you told her, my best friend, like, what are you doing?

Like, what are you, why are you after Kiki?

And she said nothing.

She was just like that.

Just like that.

I.

What?

Why is she so numb around you?

But then she's got so much energy for everybody else.

And I'm not saying that you should fight her on my behalf because I'm still really upset about that hell Captain Sandy thing.

But if you would like to yell at her, I'm not going to stop you.

So there, I have now gotten you ready for the finale.

Gertie, being so transparent, setting up a proxy battle.

I know.

I like it when she does it, though, somehow.

I like it.

She's just so obvious about it, and she doesn't even care.

She's like, I'm doing the scene.

In less than five minutes, because there's a lot of jewelry to get in this bag.

Okay.

Fight with Julia.

You got it?

Okay.

I'm out of here.

Yeah, it's weird.

The whole Adriana, Julia thing is kind of an interesting one because I think we've all seen Julia being a total dick this season and kind of like abandoning Adriana and like fully just like becoming friends with Alexia, like the cool girls.

We've seen it.

It's been a total fall from grace from like someone that like was one of the best, like

one of the ones I love the most.

At the same time,

when Julia later says, like, you don't understand how terrible Adriana has been and I put up with it, I don't,

I, I don't disbelieve it.

I believe that's, yeah, I believe that Adriana, because we've also seen Adriana bite the hand that feeds her a million times.

Yes.

So there is part of me that says, like, yeah, she really did drop Adriana like a bad habit, but like, I don't know if it's a black and white situation.

And I

sort of, I don't know, I'm, I'm, I'm slightly empathetic, slightly empathetic to Julia.

Yeah, well, you definitely see where she's coming from.

That's for sure, you know?

Even though she is being the asshole.

And if all that stuff was happening, then she should have brought that up instead of just blowing her off, you know?

But then I found that the past couple of episodes, it's really hard to stand up for Adriana, too.

So it's like, we've come to this.

It's just the end of Miami.

They're both wrong.

They're both wrong.

And I think that Julia really chooses.

I choose side neither.

at this point.

I think Julia was looking for a way to break with Adriana.

I think she's like a little scared to do do it.

I think she's a little weak.

And I think she wanted to make new friends.

So that way she would have reasonable excuses not to hang out with Adriana, but also maybe to have some people in her corner when the inevitable confrontation happens.

Well, I think the thing that is the most offensive thing is she's not only.

Yeah.

She's not only, she's not only befriending the other girls and ignoring Adriana.

You know, she's befriending Adriana's greatest enemies who still hate Adriana's guts.

And it's like acting like Adriana's crazy about like, like, what are you talking about?

Everything's the same.

And that's where I think it goes wrong because she's, she, it's like, those are her mortal enemies.

And you know, that they've done nothing but talk shit about Adriana to Julia.

And Julia just sits there and listens to it because those girls are not going to stop themselves from talking about Adriana.

They're just not.

So that's what makes it worse.

You know, it's not like if Adriana's abusive and this and that, I can see that.

I can see how that could be true.

And I wouldn't blame you for getting out of that relationship, but getting out of that and then going to her worst enemies is just low.

Well, I think that I think that's actually a really fascinating and complex situation because I think this happens in friend groups a lot.

And I would not be surprised if Julia is like unhappy with Adriana because Adriana is crazy.

We saw what she did to Leah Black, where Leah like did all these things for her.

And then immediately Adriana turned on Leah.

And I think that Julia like already was unhappy.

And she's in a new group and she sort of feels like she wants to kind of like throw herself into this group.

And please, by the way, don't, please don't like confuse this with me being like team Julia.

I still think Julia was an asshole for all the reasons you exactly just said.

But I think that what happens is that like she sort of falls for one of the big con jobs that people do, which is like, oh, we really like you, but it's just that.

you know, when you're around Adriana, you're just, it's just, she's so terrible.

We don't get to know you, whatever.

And so now you're in a situation where you're with someone, you don't really want to be with anymore.

And now people are saying that they want to be your friend, but you feel like you can't because you have some weird loyalty to this person who's awful to you.

And then you say to yourself, why am I being loyal to this person?

They're awful to me.

And these people are actually trying to be nice to me and try to be friends with me to become friends with them.

But you actually don't realize in the process of doing that, you're actually being an extremely shitty friend to the person that you're claiming that you're friends with.

And really, what you should have done in the first place is confront her and said, I don't like the way you're treating me as a friend.

And if you keep treating me like the friend, then our friendship is going to go nowhere.

And I'm going to explore other friendships in this group.

You're saying that done, of course.

And it's interesting that you bring up Leah Black because

that's exactly like karma, right?

Because she, Leah Black brought Adriana onto the show.

We all know that.

She got Adriana onto the show, was trying to make her a little extra money because she was a single moment, this, this, and that.

So she gets her on the show.

Then Adriana dumps her to be with more popular people.

She wants to be with the cool girls.

So she dumps Leah to go to those girls,

Mary Sol and Alexia.

And she dumped,

it's like the same thing playing out all over again.

And now they don't like Adriana anymore.

And so Julia, who's the one that was brought onto the show by Adriana, is now dumping her to fall for for this trick again and go for these popular girls again.

And it's going to end the same exact way for Julia as it ended for Adriana.

And it's just, it's interesting seeing the karma come back so blatantly, you know?

It's like the exact same situation.

I think if Julia had not had that issue with Gurdy at the beginning of the season, if Julia had not

started a feud over a Zoom call, or if...

Julia had like this whole backstory and especially if Julia had not poured the water on Gurdy.

I actually think that we as an audience may be more empathetic to Julia's path with the other girls this season.

But instead, what we see is someone who is like revealed kind of an inner cruelty and like an inner self like selfishness.

And so like it's hard to yeah,

it's hard to have real full empathy for her situation because we also saw another side of her that makes us question like

how much of this is driven by

by some sort of like aspirational status-driven motivation versus

someone just trying to create friendships outside of their awful friends.

I mean, it looks, I think there's so much evidence pointing to the former because, you know, the Gertie thing, like coming for Gertie like that, Gertie's like, this was so long ago.

And she did not say anything until now until the cameras are here.

And it coincided with Alexia being like, oh, you know what, Gertie?

You're just so loud.

Like, you're just too much.

You're just like too loud and you're too much.

And Mary Soul being like, oh, we can't take it.

You're just so much.

It felt like it was like an initiation.

Yeah.

It was like an initiation that she had to go through.

We don't like her loyalty.

Yeah.

And you don't like her now too.

So we're going to get her right at the start of the season.

I mean, not throwing water at her came out of nowhere.

It was ridiculous.

And it's just like her trying to prove herself to those girls.

So yeah, you know, she sucks.

It's like Mary Soul and Alexia also suck and they've always sucked, but they're so obvious about, I don't know, maybe I'm used to it.

Like they're entertaining in a different way that I almost don't hold it against them.

I mean, I do, like, I call them out on it, obviously, but it bothers me more with.

Julia because she's just being a follower.

It's like, if you're going to be a villain, be originally a villain like these two.

Don't be a follower villain.

Nobody wants like a follower villain.

It's just

original.

I think we would, what we would be respect more would be like a natural gravitation to some people that have like she sees that there could be a potential friendship.

She naturally gravitates towards them.

Adriana can't deal with it.

Like that's like we would empathize with Julia, but instead what we see is someone actually falling over themselves to try to endear themselves to other people at the expense of someone else.

And that's just kind of, that's, that's just

crazy.

Yeah, it's gross.

So Adriana is like, oh my God, Julia is so into herself and what's good for her.

And she's just discarded me.

The way I felt, she's like a covert enemy.

And it's slander.

Slander.

Lisa walks in with Logan and Ellie to the Alexia's party.

And she's like, oh, God, Logan, let me see your hands.

Oh, God, you need a manicure.

He's like, no, I don't.

He's like, yeah, you do.

It's called a manicure.

Cause, you know, Manny cure.

Because you're a man.

Manny, mannic.

Mother,

I always told you I don't like your woodplay.

Please just give me a toy gun.

So Peter and Johnny are talking, and

Peter's just like, I'm good.

You know, Peter's so out of it.

Like, I don't even know.

Peter is just like a walking

coma, this guy.

He's just like a doi.

I don't even know what he's doing.

He is the personification of doy.

Like,

that is Peter.

And Johnny's like, yeah, because the last time I saw your mom, she was sure going through those emotions.

Cut to.

Oh, my God.

Kill all the nurses.

Everyone should die.

Kill all the nurses.

They should die.

Fuck him.

Fuck him.

Fuck him.

So Peter's like, I feel like she's better.

I mean, I don't know stuff.

Like, I feel like she doesn't want to tell me stuff.

But, like, I find out the day before it comes out on, like, page six.

It's like, oh, by the way, it's the day before something's going to happen, but then it happens.

Alexia is like, oh, well, you know, sorry, I wanted to protect you.

I was trying to, I was trying for it to go away because I wanted to protect you.

He's like, I could care less.

Why are you?

He's 32 or 35 or whatever.

I don't know what age he is.

He doesn't need to be protected anymore, Alexia.

Like, this guy.

He's not protecting.

He's not protecting you from all his bullshit.

So you don't, let him go out in the world and deal with headlines.

Honestly, I think that actually peter is i don't think that peter cares at all about alexia and todd he's like i really i don't care mom although i guess he does on some level if he's complaining he doesn't want her to be with todd because he hates todd you know but that's why she's not telling him too because it'll give him ammo against someone he's been rooting for her to break up with right so she's like oh my god but it's been a roller coaster but i should still tell you about it you know like who goes on a roller coaster like if there if i was on a roller coaster but there was no one there to hear me would i be on a roller coaster

if a a tree falls on a roller coaster and there's no roller coaster going at the time did a tree ever fall on the roller coaster i don't think so

if a star goes on a roller coaster and no one's there to take pictures of the star is the roller coaster still the best roller coaster because it has a star on it yes i think so

the last two months when things have been good you know like we're learning to communicate better you know and like we love each other better but i'm not gonna lie like i have ptsd you know like being left like that it's like i have post-traumatic star disorder you know and like being like that, like, I, will he do this to me again?

And Peter's like, that's everyone's worry because if you go back to Todd, it's not fair for Frankie because I don't want, I don't want Frankie living with someone who would move a couch in front of him.

She's like, oh my God, I know, you know, and I respect it.

I respect it because he moved the couch in front of Frankie.

Like, I can't forget that.

I can't forget it.

The producer asks, like, hey, has Todd apologized to you for the way that he left?

I'm sorry.

Todd apologized to you, but has Todd apologized to the boys?

No.

No.

No.

I'm surprised Todd did not.

She does that little tiny head shake where it's just like barely imperceptibly moving, but really fast.

She's like, no.

I'm surprised Todd did not like show up on camera today to say.

To whom it may concern.

No one loves those boys the way I love those boys.

They are like sons to me.

Sons that I hate, but in a way that I love they are people that i care for and even though i have not apologized to them i plan to do it here forth too as soon as possible the only reason why i didn't is because peter is too stoned and frankie he's still upset that i moved the couch in front of him but i plan to send them godiva chocolates and then we will all be solved i love those boys and i hate anyone who would say anything else even though they drive me nuts i still love them i love them and i'll punch them in the face if i have to

you know what i feel like it hurt us a lot you know like as a family but like you know what has to happen like we need to have a conversation and we need to have a conversation about you guys having a conversation because like only through conversation can you learn to have a conversation about having a conversation you know what i mean he's like uh it's like drools drools just coming down his face so then we go back to marisol's and uh people are getting facials and drinking and uh they're all complimenting marisol and thanking her for a great party you know gertie's got like a suitcase full of stuff she's like oh my God, you have outdone yourself.

Do you have somebody to help me carry this to my car?

Can I take the car?

Can I take the car?

Is this house mine now?

Are you giving away the house?

So Adriana puts her arm around Marisol.

It's like, oh,

this is like the old times.

Remember?

Remember?

Like the old times?

Like, thank you.

And like, remember when I had my art gallery?

That was nice.

You know, I like, you know, the problem is Kiki.

She's been like saying those things about my age.

And it was hurtful for her to make a joke out of my age in such a mean and spirited way like okay let's you're drawing this one out a little bit adriana yeah like even on your birthday like they were like on your birthday on my birthday you're correct that was on my birthday so then we go back to alexi and frankie's and julie is talking to kiki about the same thing and she's like wait a minute i saw that you left the party i actually ran looking for you she's like wait you came downstairs well clearly i didn't see you because i was on the amazon truck and i took off that was an amazon truck last week you said that and i was like are you sure that wasn't production but we see the clip of it and it is in fact an amazon

but i didn't think that she actually got into it but like she literally hopped into an amazon truck like truly the luckiest driver in the world a supermarket just piles into your truck and was like just take me anywhere i mean i i

would you even no one would believe you it's just the best it's pretty privileged you know it's being so gorgeous that of the amazon driver's like fuck yes get in my car I don't even care what happens to me over there.

Get in my car.

I love, this is the best day ever, you know, like we were talking a couple of weeks ago about why Adriana is so depressed.

And I was saying, you know, it is really depressing, I think, especially for women and especially for

beautiful women because you've...

You're used to being treated a certain way your whole life and then it starts to disappear and you're like, but I'm not different on the inside.

Like, what the fuck?

What is happening?

And, you know, you're just so used to that pretty privilege.

And it, it really is a thing.

I mean, and this is an example of it.

Someone just being like, I want to get out of here, Amazon guy.

Will you take me?

And he's like, yes, yes, I will.

It's like, you know,

it's just, you just got right to the second part of the Billy Ocean song.

It's like, get into my car.

He didn't even have to dream it.

Get out of my dreams and drop that package right over there.

Please, I don't want to get out of the car.

We've really got a far way to go.

Get out of art puzzle and into my car.

Beep, beep.

Yeah.

It took her 13.

Well, she is a Caribbean queen.

They had to make somebody stops.

Well, when the going gets tough, the tough gets going.

Another really ocean.

Yeah, that's a good song.

Still a good song.

From the Jewel of Denial, I believe.

Isn't it from the Jewel of Denial?

Is the music video?

Daniel DeVito and Michael Douglas like dancing to it.

Oh my god.

The going gets tough.

The tough

goals.

The going gets tough.

Did you hear when I said that Kiki is a Caribbean queen?

I just really want to make sure all three puns landed.

She is technically a Caribbean queen.

Well, there you go.

You landed them all.

Every single one of them.

Here comes one right now.

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So, Adriana's like, oh, do you remember?

We had so much fun back in the day before Marius' knees were so wrinkled.

And they're like, yeah, those were great times.

So then back at the other party, oh, yeah, so we did the Kiki thing.

So now we're with Julie and Kiki again.

So Julie is like,

I couldn't understand why you left.

And she's like, Because she mentioned that I called her racist, which I never did.

I never said she was racist.

And so we see a clip of that.

And she's like, I don't think the people in this group are racist.

So when she called me Ratchet, it's not like I went back and said, yeah, you're racist for calling me that.

I never said that.

She's like, well, it's a conversation that we had between you and her.

And she goes, I know, but Adriana's, you know, sometimes a little,

you know, old lady, you know, people over 60 don't hear things.

You know, she's very 32, 32 times 32 minus five, you know?

Yeah, she's like, I'm just going to try and stay away from her.

That's, that's her plan, which is probably not going to work.

So then we go back to Mary Souls and Stephanie's like, um, okay, since my holiday party is your concert, um, Adriana, then the kiki drink reveal, then really it's just the three of us coming together for this event.

I mean, how's this all going to work?

Are you guys going to be okay together?

Are you?

Because I know how you are too, and I know you don't drop things.

She's reactive.

She is.

She's reactive.

Everybody knows it.

Just admit it.

It's the truth.

No, that night, it's all good vibes.

Good vibes.

I don't want to bring negativity to that event unless it's people in my band.

Otherwise, I'm not yelling at them.

Okay,

yeah, right.

So then now we go to the night of Julia's opera and foster care event, which

can't

be with the opera.

With the mixing of this.

Like, obviously, it's good to do something for foster children.

This is not it.

Of course, you have to make this about everybody being forced to stand around and listen to your terrible fucking voice in order to support foster children.

Oh my God, just stop it.

I don't want kids and I wanted to leave them after this.

So Julia is, there's a woman named Jeanette, who is, we see Maria, who's the general director of the Florida Grand Opera, also known as Fijio, and Connie, who's a social worker, and Jeanette, who's an adoption support specialist.

And Julia's like, I adopted my boys with wonderful Connie and Jeanette.

And Maria's like, oh, well, it's important that this is, it's, that, that this is so good to have you here.

I mean, we are so honored to co-mingle Florida Grand Opera with advocates of children and families.

We still don't really understand how this is going to work.

Are the children going to be singing opera?

We just don't know, but, but thank you so much for arranging it.

We meet Martina yet.

Oh,

tonight we are not asking for money.

It's not like charity, because why would we do something that would actually help foster children?

The purpose is to put together for future collaboration, foster care for children and florida grand opera

so you're she just wants tiny extras now what are you doing are they going to be you just run in the operas

you just tiny extras you just want to force people to listen to your opera and make them feel bad if they don't be like but it is for the children it is singing off key for children

All right, we brought the opera.

We brought the foster kids to listen to your opera and they have literally all just run run away.

This is good, man, because we have no foster children now.

Job well done.

We did it.

Nailed.

Nailed, as they say.

So, Alexia and Marisol arrive.

Marisol is like, oh, my God, our Swan,

our singing Swan.

You know, I don't know if we've given...

Have we given Julia a nickname yet?

Is it Jay?

How about we start calling you Swan?

Swanny Swan Swan.

Swan

Swanson.

Swanson, Swanson, Chicken Stock.

Stock.

We're going to call you Stock.

Okay, Stock.

you're here.

I'm so happy you came.

It means so much to me.

So Martina comes in.

She's like, hi, hi, everybody.

Me, Martina, international tennis star here.

Glad to be here.

Is there some paint I can throw a ball up against?

The real artist has entered the room.

And Kiki blows a kiss at Martina, and she's like, I do have quite a crush on Martina.

I don't know, but it's a jeune séquai.

I don't really know what it is, but I don't know.

I guess I've always had a thing for Tom Petty a little bit.

Rest in peace.

And Martina's like, oh, she's always flirting with me.

Oh,

her and Chris Everett.

Am I right, everyone?

Nudge, nudge.

And Julie is like, oh, thank you for coming to support me.

I know you all have busy lives.

And Alexi is like, never too busy for you and your family or this cause.

I mean, too busy for Mary Sauce Party because, you know, happy hour, but, you know, for this is good.

I'll be here for this.

Too busy for the customers in my salon.

I gave them my once-a-year appearance, but now I'm here for weird opera for foster children.

I was going to ask you, so what happened with the rest of the girls?

And Julie's like, oh, the girls that I did invite, unfortunately, couldn't make it.

Adriana is actually speaking out.

She's practicing with a band.

Practicing with band.

So we go to see Adriana shaking it on stage and going, Miami is on fire, on fire.

Wait, that's hot, hot.

No.

No.

Miami is on fire.

Miami is on.

So, by the way, this is a good time to mention that last week, Peloton did a Road to Bravocon ride

where they played a lot of Bravo music on the Peloton ride.

And then they sort of had some Bravo trivia, which was, by the way, mortifying because they had three other instructors on the side.

And they're like, you're the summer house expert.

There was literally a guy there, Maddie Giacomo, whatever his name is.

And the quiz was like, who said the following?

How many sandwiches have you made me?

And this guy's the summer house expert.

And he was like,

I don't know.

Can someone help me out here?

Sir, please get off my Peloton right now.

How do you not know the answer to that?

And then the summer expert lies.

Summerhouse expert did not know about the sandwiches.

And then it was like, another thing was like, who said you don't want to see me activated?

He's like, oh.

He was like, I was like, I was like shaking my Peloton.

But the point of the story is actually not about that.

I just needed to get that off my chest.

The point is that the music changed.

They were moving into the music really quickly and every song would be on for like 90 seconds and they'd just crossfade into something else.

But they put on Adriana's song.

They put on fire, fire, and they kept it on like the whole time.

So it was like, it was on so long that the instructor was like, all right.

Coming up next, we're going to be starting a,

we're going to be starting a climb.

And oh, wow, this song is still going on, huh?

Wow, oh, we're still in fire.

Still in fire.

Okay.

All right, everyone.

Now get out of your seats.

We're going to start the climb.

Now, okay, the song is still happening.

And I was dying.

She was like, this song, I don't know what the song is.

I'm pretending to like Bravo right now, but why are we playing this song for so long?

That's funny.

She literally yelled at the, she literally said a snarky thing to like the producers.

She was like, okay,

all right, we're finally done with fire.

I only queued the next song three times, guys.

Jen Sherman was not happy.

Can we get a fade out here?

Okay, let's get a little cross fade.

Okay.

Get some little Segorga in here.

And she also, she also, by the way, just last note about it, Jen Sherman, the Peloton instructor, she was like, fun fact, I was Sorarti Sisters with Heather DeBrow.

We were Sorarti Sisters together at East Syracuse.

Or as we used to call her, the stuck up bitch in the attic.

Or as we used to call her, person who's just going to ride a bike the rest of her life.

On a bike to nowhere.

Question, can you see Drake from your bike?

That's funny.

You played Drake during your bike ride.

I played Drake while I was outside and he was singing at me from his balcony.

So

at Julia's event, Kiki's like, Adriana is expecting us all to be there for her to soon, to watch her perform.

I don't know she could do some magic do something

and julia's like well i hope one day adriana and i will be in a real better place we're trying we've been trying for months oh you know what i don't think it's just my opinion but i don't think she's trying because if she would have been trying she would have been here today and she's not you just miss okay not only did you just miss your best friend's party to have your own party but you also missed julia's trip for her godchildren because you were being a sassy little butthead that day and didn't want to go So I don't need you here talking about support.

And Julia falls for it.

She's like, oh, yes, yes, true, true.

I think Adriana is allowed to save her hearing and not listen to you wail next to a piano.

So

what I said to my friend sitting here, I was like, I'll bet she didn't even invite her to this thing.

I'll bet she didn't even invite her.

Or if she didn't know about it or something, and she planned this rehearsal not knowing, I'll bet she planned that rehearsal without knowing Julia had an event.

Also, she had a rehearsal.

She's a like, she has a rehearsal.

Okay.

Songs, tribute songs to your dog do not just perform themselves.

They don't just write themselves.

All right.

This is Emilio Estefan we're talking about here.

Let's have some respect for the craft.

So Alexia is saying, like, I don't think Adriana is very happy about that.

You know, I feel like Adriana is like the kind of friend that's like, oh, it's like me or it's none of them.

You know, I think, I think that's, I think that's what, I'm like, have you seen any footage of you star Alexia?

I mean, really, it's, it's truly the same thing.

So now Julia's like, oh, I am so nervous to see.

I'm so nervous.

And the guy's like, don't be nervous.

You know, like, what helps what?

Nervous?

Breathing.

Just breathe.

Oh, oh, I'm not going to lie.

I'm hurt because I've been in every single performance for Adriana.

And I've made Adriana.

I think it's Adriana's made it very clear that tonight how important this is for me to sing opera to people who work at foster care.

We're not actually raising money for it.

I can't.

I can't with her.

Hey, everyone.

This is the end of part one of this recap for part two.

Keep an eye on your podcast feed.

It is coming up in just a moment.

Thanks so much for listening.

Catch you on the second half.

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