#3042 RHOC S19E18 Part 2: Canal Retentive

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Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens.

This is part two of a two-part recap.

If you're like, hey, wait a minute, I didn't hear part one.

Guys, it's because we put out a lot of recaps.

Go back and listen to part one, okay?

It's before this one.

Bye.

Enjoy the show.

So they arrive at the Park Central Hotel, which that's the hotel that I stayed at.

I felt so, like, I felt retroactively so glamorous, you know, being in a housewives hotel.

But of course, I did not have as nice rooms as they had, but I definitely was like acting like I had achieved something in life.

I was like, oh my God, I was in the same hotel as a real housewives.

Like, I, I think I deserve something now.

Um, and so they get there, and it's all sorts of funny stuff with, you know, uh, the uh bike, the bikes running them over and everything.

And Gina's like, oh my God, I need like one of those like toddler backpacks and like the leashes for Shannon, just so she doesn't get like run over.

Oh my God.

We need to put a bell on Shannon.

I said,

thank you.

Got to work on that timing a little bit, Alfredo.

I need one of the 12.

Yeah, Ben already said that.

Okay, do you want some champies?

It's called champs.

Thank you.

To Amsterdam.

Drink to Jules.

So they are getting ready.

Shannon is taking a band-aid off her toe and she's fixating.

Wow.

Do I want to?

Nope.

And

they are arriving in

the lobby.

And then I believe, so Jen is wearing lace pants.

I believe this is where Heather, not Heather, Emily debuts

her god-awful dress.

That's like it looks like a bomb went off in her crotch.

Like, what are they, what are they trying?

What is it supposed to represent?

Because it looks like a supernova exploding out of her crotch it was awful i hated everything about it it was

all of them looked crazy most of them looked crazy um i know that amsterdam's like wow amsterdam you can do you know you can smoke weed and you there's like the red light district but it's like the morning you know what i mean like it's you're going to brunch

i don't this is not a dress that looks good in any country like this is doesn't matter what country you're in this is a terrible dress it's like a dress for the most part but it has these cutouts all around her legs that like radiate out from from her crotch it's not even that it radiates out from her crotch it's more just like the cutouts look ridiculous and she's walking around and i'm like emily if you do get another season

please fire your stylists please they have been doing you so dirty this season you think she has a stylist

well fire your

those are some straight up orange county vibes there i don't think there's a stylist for

For a lady who was like sobbing about wearing a very nice ensemble at Heather's event, like

please.

I can tell you this.

Susan Bender would never.

Susan Bender would never.

Please.

Susan Bender, can you please intervene?

Anything.

Susan Bender is sitting at home completely.

What do you call it?

Vindicated.

This she doesn't dry over.

Yeah, Susan Bender's at home.

Like, this is why she got those jeans.

This is why.

This is why.

so shannon's limping around and she's like oh does anyone want to see what my foot looks like is it infected is it infected someone please heather's like yes it's infected you're dying

so then they all go out and uh bikes are going by and uh she's like gina's like oh my god shannon like watch out for the boys

that's funny So Gina's saying that she's a she's like, I'm a professional street crosser.

It's very different from a street walker.

i'm so funny so now they go to a boat and the guy's kind of hot i'm surprised that no one was like oh shannon's here please please have sex with shannon please

um and uh he's like welcome aboard beautiful sunny weather in amsterdam which is quite special we're going to see nice areas if you have questions please ring a bell tamer's like Don't tell Heather that.

She'll ring it, bitch.

She'll ring it.

Oh, you get caviar service on here if you ring the bell.

No.

So, um, there is.

That's so cute that you have a community bell.

I brought my own.

I've got one in my purse.

Oh, my God.

Look down the canal.

Hi.

Oh, my God.

What a small world.

I can't believe.

I think that's, is that John Jansen's son out there?

Hello.

You know what?

You know what?

It was just a plastic bag.

Someone littered.

I apologize.

I feel like I'm in a flipping fairy tale.

What's the name of this canal?

Oh, the single canal.

That's right.

It's for single single people, Shannon.

It's your canal.

Could you make a left up at Dying Alone canal?

Shannon Day.

Sir, I have a request.

Can we go to the Heragrach?

Yes.

Oh, what's that?

The wealthiest canal in all of Amsterdam?

That's so funny.

My parents used to live there.

Can we drive by?

Heather, do you know what you would like to spread your dad's ashes?

Like, do you have them on you?

She's like, no, they're at the hotel.

Unfortunately, we have to do this again.

And this time, you can see see how emotional i can be

so this wasn't your spreading the ashes scene this is just you bragging about where you used to live scene absolutely yes we're location scouting

this is act one

this is called a rehearsal okay everyone it's called a tech tech rehearsal i'm okay ladies

Does anyone ever go swimming in the canals?

Does anyone ever go swimming in the canals?

Just was wondering if anyone does that because I maybe I should bring my swim cap out and we could do a wacky scene.

Anyway, anyone?

Does anyone want to do that?

I have an extremely flattering t-shirt with a bikini drawn over it that Tamara gave me.

If anyone would like me to pull that out, has my daughter ever gotten high at a rave and gone swimming in these canals?

And if that does happen, would you tell me?

I just wonder if they paddleboard here.

That's all.

Not Newport Beach.

Not everywhere in the world is obsessed with paddleboarding as Newport Beach is.

Ladies, we're almost at the house and it's next to the Seven Bridges Canal.

It's called that because there are bridges, which you can see over there.

And Heather's like, do you see the black door?

Do you see the black door?

Oh my God, it still says, Heather, go back to your house.

You're not welcome here.

Me and your mom are trying to retire in peace.

That is so cute.

That is so cute.

I only see a sign that says Alfredo entrance in the rear.

Oh, well, that's there as well.

Yes.

Alfredo was inherited.

If you look under the bridge, you see there's a small grate.

And for Alfredo to get into the house, he has to jump into the canal, open the grate, and swim in through the sewer system.

So she is talking about her parents more.

And she said her dad was finally happy once he retired in Amsterdam, mostly because,

you know, he felt freer.

Gosh, I can't believe that he would move from Chappaqua, New York to Amsterdam and a global city that's like adorable and full of these beautiful canals, and he would somehow be happier.

Crazy.

What a strange revelation.

She's like, I got the sense that now that he lived in this major European city with beautiful people and excellent food and scenic views, that he was actually happy.

Weird.

So they see some shirtless boaters go by and Gina's like, oh, they're shirtless.

We must be in the red light district.

Are they men?

Yes, they're men.

Did they sound like ladies?

Shanna's just like, oh, shirtless.

Are those men?

Aren't they?

Are they?

It's been a while.

Okay.

Are you men?

Do any of you know John Janssen's son?

I'm a boat person.

I have a question.

Hello.

When we were at the airport, you guys were at one of those little shops there, like a build an Alfredo.

Build a bear oh oh i thought you had that's okay that makes much more sense you don't actually build a servant there i was like how do you build a servant i thought you normally have to hire them i told my kids to that the other day you know why because luke's therapist suggested making a bear

and then i did the voice so when i'm not home he can pretend that i'm the bear

so that way when you're not home luke can be like My crazy mom thinks that I'm going to talk to this bear and it's her.

Like, why are we doing this to you, son?

Just leave your fucking son alone.

What does your son have that he needs to talk to a bear to pretend it's you?

Emily, just stop with this.

I can't.

Pretty sure Luke knows the difference between Build-A-Bear and she's really trying to sell whatever it is she's trying to sell.

She's ridiculous.

Tremor goes, oh, that's smart.

Yeah, the best thing about having an actual diagnosis of Luke is that the diagnosis then comes the recommendation of treatment plan.

And that treatment plan is to fool your child with a teddy bear.

So make your child think that their mother is a teddy bear.

So Terry's like, by the way, I Google things to do in Amsterdam and have a little activity that we could probably do.

You guys are going to go to a place and get this like penis.

Are you going to pause in the penis batch?

Are you kidding?

I can still find real penises.

Joe, I need to list them for you.

Earl.

Phil.

That boat of men that just passed by.

I think they were men.

Now listen, I can find real penises.

Now generally they stay behind zippers, but still

take me, take me.

And Emily's like, Gretchen, are you going to partake in some weed?

Let's smoke some.

She's like, I don't think I would partake in that.

Oh, well, that's too bad.

So Emily's like, Shannon, let me ask you a question because you always talk about your boundaries.

Do you think Tamara was being shady when she was asking about your dad?

For fuck's sake.

God, enough, Emily.

Jesus Christ, Emily.

You know, have the bear ask it.

Have the fucking bear ask it.

I know.

So Gina's like, oh my God, just get right in there, I guess.

Well, I had some champagne and the producers told me that this is the most boring trip we've had so far.

So, come on, let's try and cook, people.

Apparently, I've got to ask this.

So let's cut away from the beauty of Amsterdam to Temecula.

So we see a flashback.

Temecula's like, I've never felt like I've had such a small penis until this, but thanks to the music.

Temecula was actually looking so good this season, and then they had to like cut away from it, cut away from Amsterdam.

But we get the flashback of Tamara being like, didn't you say that your dad had a drinking problem?

And then we see like two hours earlier in Amsterdam, Emily was saying, it just seems to me like she was just trying to evolve herself in the conversation about someone.

And it's like, so you think Shannon is blowing it out of proportion.

Yes.

So now we're.

Well, I do think it was a dig.

I'm extremely bored with this fight, as is the audience.

But if you want to go back there, I feel like it was a dig.

Well, I feel like her statement was trying to be compassionate.

Okay, can I ask you a question?

When she says she's sorry about bringing up your dad, are you able to forgive?

She's like, no.

I don't know.

So Gretchen's like, anytime I get involved in any conversation that involves cameras, somehow I'm accused of being aggressive, being this, being that.

So I'm definitely wanting to just sit this one out.

I'm like, oh, great.

Thank you for telling us that, but no one asked you your opinion on any of this, just so you know so camera's like well i can apologize and you can't you can't move forward shannon because you know what i've never called you the c word 18 times at a dinner table okay she goes okay come here come here are you a cut fitness are you a cut fitness are you my god stop don't go back don't go back don't go back tamara don't go back i'm asking you

don't put okay don't pull your with me it's like well i'm i'm not talking to you but it's like god shut up i'm just saying can we try to decipher sometimes when she is trying and heather's like can you highlight when you want to be an asshole that would be helpful

i'm just joking um yeah well i'll highlight it with you on the marketing seven minutes happy happy day sleepy business thank you okay hey not for tamara not for tamara's jokes Okay, stick a pin in it.

Gina, are we going to get a blunt, right?

She goes, oh my God, I'm up at Heather.

So they get off the boat.

Like they, they, there was this, basically they attempted to have an iconic fight on a boat, but instead nothing got off the ground.

Emily is trying to like reheat old pop-tarts.

Like it's just, it's over.

Just move on.

Do something else.

And on top of that, like she started it at the end of the boat trip.

Like we all know, if you're going to be touring the canals and you're going to be having a fight, you do it when you're like stuck in the middle of the canal and then you're fighting and people pass by and they're staring at you.

You don't do it once you dock and you're back at land.

Where's your timing?

Have you not watched Real Housewives of Miami?

Yeah, people keep saying, you know, Emily's on the show because she moves things along.

I'm like, yeah, she's always stirring the pot, but you need the housewife that does that.

No, you need somebody that like keeps it interesting, not bringing up the same stale fights over and over again.

15 episodes.

She's bad at it.

Like she may be stirring the pot, but it's a pot full of shit.

She's, it's a bad pot.

Get a better pot.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's like, I understand

that nothing's happening on the strip so far.

And Emily is like, hey, let's, let's have a scene.

Let's do this.

But like you said, there's like, there's no art to it.

And there's nothing, nothing.

She's bringing up something that's not like at the top of our minds.

And she's also pimping other people out to do it.

Like she's trying to make everybody else do the work at all the time.

She's not coming up with something that she's got an issue with or she's got a problem with.

She's trying to make other people fight so she doesn't have to do anything.

And it's just

lazy.

The way you do it, the way you do it is you do it more artfully.

I think you say, like, Heather, that was so meaningful what you shared about your dad.

Shannon, you know, how was your relationship with your dad these days?

Because I heard that it's a bit fraught.

I know it was a tough childhood.

And she's like, well, I never said that.

Oh, well, I heard from Tamara.

You know, it's like you sort of do it that way instead of like, hey, remember when you guys had a fight?

Are you guys still angry at each other?

Do you want to be angry again?

It's like,

could you like try, just try a little finesse?

Yeah, make an effort here.

You're lazy, is what I'm saying.

So

now they get off the boat and

someone, one of the guys passes and he's like, welcome to Amsterdam, baby.

And heather's like, thank you Jewel.

Thank, thank Jewel.

Donka Jewel.

Donka Jewel.

Is Jewel from here?

Love her.

Love her.

Jabent and Jima Jananen.

Oh, what does that mean?

It means you're hired.

He can be our butler now.

Gina's like, well, wow.

They really think that we are the ones for hire, actually.

Well, we we kind of look like it.

And this is our madam over here.

Look at Shannon, right?

Oh, Shannon, do you have a vibrator?

Oh, we're wacky.

It's like, no, I don't want a vibrator.

I don't use a vibrator.

I sit on top of the washing machine.

I do it old school.

And Jen's like, we've passed like 10 stores with vibrators.

Wow, huge place for vibrators here.

Well, you know, this is a funny story.

In Love Hotel, Luanne got pulled over by customs.

And I opened it up.

And you know what we found in her bag?

A vibrator.

Yeah.

And she goes, oh, I said to customs, it's Un Vibrador.

It was a great story.

She's told it about five times, but I was like, I want to give my, let me give it a try as well.

So now they go in and they get drinks and they order some muffins and cupcakes, like some space cakes and stuff.

And so

they, Shannon's like, this is 33 milligrams.

And Sheena's like, you can't eat that whole thing.

You'll be licking the form.

Just take a bite.

You can eat an eighth.

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So now is the time to start.

I feel so comfortable here because I love getting stoned.

So come on, girls.

Let's have some grass.

Come on.

We're fun.

Some, some, some,

some of the weed.

Let's have a doobie, a joint, if you will.

Hey, would anyone like to meet my new friend, Mary Jane?

We are cool moms, ladies.

So Emily is

looking at a table with a cloth covering everything.

She's like, what's under this?

I'm scared.

And Lenny's like, ha.

The lady at the shop is like, you make your own dick.

Welcome.

And so we see all these ceramic wieners around.

And Emily's like, oh, wait, we make our own dicks.

Oh, well, geez.

This looks like Shane.

Like his dick?

No, actually, like Shane.

Just

put a vacuum in his hand.

It's basically shame.

It's kind of a life-size replica.

I really enjoyed Lenny.

I felt like we deserved more time with her.

She sort of looked like a marionette version of herself.

Like if someone said, let's make a marionette of Lenny, they would just make Lenny, you know?

And she had like little flowers in her hair and everything.

And she's like, yeah, this is penises.

You make penises.

So they and so she's like,

so you make your own dick?

She goes, yeah, you make your own.

And Jen's like, do you know this person?

And like, is this person based on someone that you know?

She goes, Yeah, she's like, Is it, is it your husband, Bitch?

She goes, No, is it your boyfriend?

No,

did you have fun with the stick?

She goes, Of course,

and Emily's like, If you rub it, do you get good luck?

And she starts rubbing it, and then that, but she's rubbing it in this weird way where she's taking her palms and sort of like sliding them upwards repeatedly.

And Jen's like, Is that how you rub it?

Is that how you have a hand job?

Okay, so what are we doing are we just decorating this we're decorating

oh wow look at you that was almost as funny as the time that ryan came home and had splattered paint all over our sofa and said it was art so so

um so now they're talking about vaginas and we see a flashback to saying her vagina doesn't work and how she had surgery so she would take any position because it's literally just the tip right now so jen's like everything's better with my vagina thank you so much for asking Thank you so much, Emily.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so much.

Yeah, but that doesn't mess with sensitivity and stuff because you got everything cut off.

It's like, well, maybe not.

I don't know.

And Jen's saying, I did everything.

I did the exterior, the interior, the pelvic floor.

There's CarPlay.

I have CarPlay now.

I can watch Netflix on this thing.

So it's great.

I did get really nervous that he would leave me because he couldn't insert his dick into my vagina, but everything's okay.

Turns out everything's okay.

And they're like, oh, wow.

Yeah, because you were like having problems with it, right?

It's like, no, yeah, and I couldn't.

It's just a tip.

How much longer do we have to talk about this?

I don't think anyone in the audience really cares.

Emily is bringing up other storylines nobody cares about even more.

Can we give Emily another storyline to talk about?

That would be great.

So then back at the weed shop, Gina's like, oh my gosh, Shannon, how do you feel after you had some weed?

She's like, well,

the thing is, my friendship is exhausting and I have no interest in getting closer to Tamara at all.

But here's the question.

So boundaries are an issue for you because suddenly we started saying that this episode and you always talk about that part.

But what keeps baffling me, which I don't understand, is the Jen of it all because Jen is still friends with Alexis.

Who is Jen again?

Our castmate that you suddenly became decided that you cared about a lot and threw her a party.

Oh, with the clear...

the clear glassware that I didn't order.

I remember I got the glasses, but I'm still having a little bit of a...

So Jen-ish, is she, she is a redhead, right, in our group?

No, I don't know.

She's the Asian lady.

No, she's gone.

That one's gone.

I'm afraid I don't understand Heather.

So Heather, Heather's doing it the right way.

She's like, oh, you want to talk about boundaries?

Then what about Jen still being friends with Alexis?

There's something new.

So, okay, thank you.

So then we go back to the penis decorating and Emily's doing the same thing.

Like, this isn't planned at all.

I love this.

It's like, I can't tell you.

You guys totally didn't sit and talk about how you're going to throw this shit at the wall in this episode.

So cut to Emily going, you're friends with Alexis, right?

And she's like, well, I don't really talk to Alexis all that much, but I do genuinely like Alexis.

Are you going to their wedding batch?

Well, I mean, she sent me a save the date.

And I said, I sent her back.

I saved the thank you so much.

And, but last time I was with Shannon, she asked me not to go.

And they're like, you see.

a flashback where Jen says that she got saved the date and Shan goes, oh, are you going to go to that wedding of a slut and an asshole?

Because that would not be a kind look for you, Jen.

Well, probably not, Shannon, because I know what it would do to us.

I know.

So, Shanna did not ask you not to go, at least according to this.

So, then at the wheat shop, Shanna's like, Well, she said she got to save the date, but she is not going to a wedding.

She will not do it.

Well, I think Tamara told me they were still speaking, though.

At this point, Heather has brought out her claw hands for no good reason.

I think she's like, they're being underutilized this season.

I need to get the claw hands out.

Well, you don't want to dictate to people, no pun intended.

You don't want to dictate to people who they can and can't be friends with, but those affect, those choices affect how close I'm going to get to this Jen person, whoever she may be.

And I don't want to spend time with you thinking, oh, when's the last time you saw Alexis?

And I don't want to think about John.

And I don't want to think, I'm sorry, what's your name again?

Sorry, I'm asking my memory.

So back to the penis shop, Emily's like, it's just really not fair for you to have to cut off a friendship.

Do you know what I mean?

That's crazy that you would have to cut off a friendship.

By the way, I just had a flashback to me earlier this season saying I can't be friends with someone who's friends with Katie.

God, remember that?

That was so fun.

Remember how I told Tamara if she went to lunch with Katie, we were done?

Yeah, that was terrible.

But can I ask you a question?

Oh, yeah, last episode.

So she's like, so your bridal thing, you weren't really into that, huh?

You didn't really appreciate the bridal thing.

She's like, well, I mean, what am I supposed to feel?

I mean, I appreciate it, but that's just not my thing.

Okay, then let me ask you.

So now I've got that you hate Shannon and you hate that she threw you a bridal shower.

Okay, so let me ask you: if it wasn't something that you particularly wanted, then why do you feel like Shannon did it for you?

Was it for you, or was it just for herself, so that I can say later at dinner that Shannon only had this party for herself and not for you?

What?

What is Emily on?

It's just so

ham-handed.

ham-handed.

It's so tired.

It's just exhausting, Emily.

Start your own fucking fight.

You're ridiculous.

You're literally making something out of nothing in such an obvious, boring way.

My God.

First of all, everyone who throws a party for anyone else on any of these shows is obviously doing it for themselves to boost their image, to be like, I did this for you.

So there's that, first and foremost.

Second of all, like.

The producers probably said, Shannon,

can you throw Jen a party so we can announce it?

They're like, we're desperate.

We have to make this season four more episodes, even though there's absolutely nothing going on.

Who's going to have the next party?

Just do it for Jen.

Yeah.

And like Emily trying to turn this into a thing when like

at worst,

it was an overstep.

Jen didn't necessarily want it, but Shannon decided to throw it anyway.

Like,

it's a nice, it was a night, a perfectly nice thing.

Is it self-serving?

Why don't you wait for it to be self-serving before you predict that it's self-serving?

Because

enjoy it for what it is.

like she's taking she doesn't she's not only bad at it and a boring person and a boring storyline creator she's mean you know she's taking somebody that somebody she's taking something that somebody was nice somebody did something nice for jen jen wasn't doing anything for herself she feels like a scarlet letter blah blah blah so shannon's like well she deserves this so i'm gonna do something nice for her and now emily's trying to take that and like make

this girl not like her because she threw her a party.

It's just mean spirited.

She's an asshole.

Yeah.

I mean, do I think that Shannon,

there may have been an element where Shannon is trying to kind of court an ally in her ongoing war with Tamra?

Of course.

But like, truth be told,

until she shows otherwise, like at the end of the day, she still, she got nothing for nothing, truly, with that glassware.

Am I right?

But

it's, it's ultimately still a nice thing that she did.

And just like, let it be a nice thing.

Like, Emily, you can't like sit there at the party that you are now maligning.

you can't sit there at the party and be like isn't this nice that we all are getting along and then you're gonna go afterwards and be like well that party was like it was an insincere party just let it be a party and if you like if Shannon later on throws it in Jen's face then call Shannon out for it then but like don't try to precipitate a rift or create a rift

you know on spec you know it's stupid so Tamara's like yeah she definitely did it for herself.

Jen's like, no, she didn't do it for herself.

Yeah, well, I know what Shannon's doing.

She wants everybody to know what a great friend she is to jan

yeah so now we go to the penis back to the peanut shop and uh jenna saying like it's the closest she's ever been with shannon and tamara's like well does that does that make you wonder don't you ever wonder don't you ever wonder why you're suddenly so close with her tamara tamara's acting like she didn't doesn't suddenly just befriend these people out of nowhere and is like like i mean How about Tamara suddenly befriending Joe?

Katie and Alexis.

He's going to Alexis's wedding and being in all her bridal shower pictures.

Shut up, Damra.

Like, you recruit your allies, too.

Yeah.

So she's like, yeah, she's all nonswear because she wants to get back at me.

That's the same reason she's doing it with Gretchen.

So we go back to the other,

the weed shop, and Heather's like, so how's your space cake going?

And Shannon's like, well, I shouldn't put a timer on.

I mean, 40 minutes to an hour, he said.

So I don't know.

What am I going to be?

Am I already stone?

Oh, my god.

You are like the funniest little human I ever saw.

Oh my god, look at her.

She is high on hashish.

Look at that.

She's the ganja.

She has lots of ganja in her system.

Wow.

So Heather passes a joint to Gratjan.

She's saying, um, I can't do it.

By the way, I got a question for you sincerely.

I don't know if there's any moving forward with Tamara and I.

Do you see that?

And Gina's like, yeah.

And Heather's like, well, I think when you left the Western party, everyone was very upset about you going with Slade and what happened in the aftermath.

But you understand why we went with Slade?

No, I don't.

I don't understand.

Maybe that's just the chronic talking, but I don't understand why you would do that.

We didn't come in like aggressive.

She's like, listen, other people that were there don't agree with that.

Now puff, puff, give, daddy.

Okay, here's the thing.

Let's have a flashback, but one that's fueled by reefer.

And so we see, well, actually, we don't have a flashback.

We just go to Lenny's.

Sorry.

So Emily is like, by the way, Gretchen walking with Slade?

Like, that's crazy.

Like, yeah, why was he just like, what a jump in?

Yeah, he loves to jump in.

It's so weird.

Yeah, I feel like he's always been like that.

He just loves to get right on in there with Gretchers.

Yeah, I'm back at the weed shop.

In my opinion, you've like reduced yourself to a place that you should not go, Rachel.

Unfortunately, my tamara, I just learned that finding fire with fire is the best way to handle that.

That's what the Bible says: find fire with fire, turn the other cheek into fire.

My cheeks on fire,

my doobie is on fire because I enjoy pot.

The house, the house, no, the roof, the roof, the roof is on fire.

I

took a boat in a canal today because I got high.

I went to ate a space cake because I got high.

I fired Alfredo and replaced him with a new Alfredo because I got high.

Cause I got high.

Cause I got high.

Thank you.

Thank you.

So Gima is like, do you really feel that way, fire and fire?

And Gretchen's like, you guys don't think it's fair.

And Heather's like, you're just poking each other.

Well, you guys can't make comments and not let us respond.

Like, you guys say stuff to me and i don't get to say something back that's not finger gretchen leave your fucking slime ball at home okay fight your own battles is what they're saying geez there at this point gretchen multiple people are telling you yeah you're just as bad as tamara like you're really You're really ruining your big return.

I mean, and I've said this a few weeks in a row, and I'll say it again.

I think Gretchen came on really strongly, and she's going to be ending the season in a state where the fans are going to be like, get her out of here.

Yeah.

You messed up.

You're messed up your big chance back.

Yeah, Gretchen's garbage i hope they get rid of her i hope they don't keep her i hope she's like another in a long line of tradition of the one season bring backs because i really like lydia lydia

alexis gretchen

um who else was there wasn't there somebody else too please say none of the peggies are coming back um

i don't know if there's anyone oh gina sort of comes in and out god when are they going to bring back lynn curtain i think lynn curtains next

so gretchen's like oh lori wearing lori wearing was a one season bring back

Oh yeah, that's right.

I forgot that.

She was a good one.

So Gretchen's like, I've tried everything that you can try under the sun, and the only thing Tamara responds to is strength.

And Heather's like, that is the worst advice ever, fighting fire with lighter fluid.

That's what that is.

Trust me, you don't fight fire with lighter fluid.

You cover Alfredo in lighter fluid when he doesn't give you the proper bedumcha and then light him on fire.

You're damn right.

You give a bedumcha after that.

So they finish with their dicks and they're joking, and we're seeing the dicks.

And it's like, oh my God, they've got bedazzo.

They look like Muppets, whatever.

Okay.

It's holy.

And everyone's like, don't eat the dick.

We need to take these to dinner.

So now the ladies are heading to the siren.

Shannon is so stoned she can barely get up the stairs.

And she also has her toe ailment.

So there's that too.

And

there's like a big lady statue in the middle of this restaurant.

And Shannon's like, wow, this is like the tan Buddha with breasts.

This looks just like the Buddha.

Are we back at the golden door?

Are we back?

Right.

Wow.

I love the way a season can begin and end at the same place.

So let's see.

Heather's like, is this like the voodoo doll?

And Gina's like, oh my God, it's so weird.

You guys got like decorated penises.

It's so nice.

It's so nice.

And Shannon's like, you guys can share.

We get to share a dick.

So, and then Gina makes a joke how like there's a lot of dick sharing because you know, like, Shannon shares a penis with Alexis, and Gretchen got that penis from Joe.

Like, it's so funny.

So, they're talking about their days and how much they had fun, and how Shannon took some weed stuff and how she fell out of the van.

And we see a flashback of that, which I did laugh at.

I don't care how many times she does it, I'll laugh every time.

I don't care if she's just making it up, but to show her getting out of the van, and you just see the camera shake, and Shannon's not there anymore, and you just hear me.

I wanted a pingyback ride.

The best moment, I think, of the entire episode is that

Jen orders an extra dirty martini, an extra, extra dirty one.

And Shannon goes, she's extra dirty, like her martini.

And she starts laughing at her own joke.

And as she's laughing, a look of dread takes over her face.

She's like,

and this dread comes over her.

And they like slow down the music.

The music's all like, Shannon's happy music to like, Shannon's feeling dread music.

And we hear this echo of like, tell her what happens if you do drugs.

You die, you die.

And it's like reverberating in her head.

It was such an amazing, perfect Shannon moment.

It's so funny.

So then this real cute young guy comes and he's like, hello, everybody.

Welcome to our restaurant.

They all look at him like, oh,

this is a child, right?

Like, how old is this person?

Is this a 14-year-old?

And Tamara's like, wow, hey, Heather, why don't you order?

And Heather's like, okay, I'm going to order.

We're going to to have lobster steak, a pizza.

She orders 10 things.

They're like, damn, Heather.

And what we would really like would be a big pot of macaroni and cheese.

Thank you, Alfredo.

Of course, we would never order such a thing, too many carbs.

That's what happens when you take them to a pot place and bring them to dinner.

So Gretchen is fixing Shannon's hair because she's a mess.

And Shannon's like, oh, well, I think, oh, I think that's honey from the plane.

honey from the plane how did that how does that even happen

and gretchen's like they have free cocktails on the plane

so shannon uh is she drops her beret and then like tamara's like under the table or something or jen so i think it's tamara's under the table there's tamara or jen who goes under there tamara Oh, Tamara goes under to find it.

It looks like Tamra's eating her out and everything.

Everyone's laughing.

It's wacky.

It's like,

are you going to be fucking nice to me after this, bitch?

Are you going down on Shannon?

That's how bad she wants to be back with Shannon.

She's going down on her.

Oh, God, I got it.

I got it.

She reaches up and starts grabbing Shannon's boobs.

And Shannon's like, oh,

she's trying to get a bite of my muffin.

If all it takes is a little space cake to get Shannon and Tamara back together, please buy a dozen.

But I'm

so Shannon's like, I mean,

squeezing the breast is much better than being yelled at for sure.

Guys, that's that.

We gotta get to the red latches straight.

We got a window of opportunity.

That's a window.

We're gonna be in it.

It's an opportunity because it's a window.

That's also a saying.

So then we sort of see this

just careens by.

She's like, is that a pun?

That's a pun.

That's a pun.

Sharice on her hoverboard just careens right into the canal.

But we see this like weird kind of montage-y thing of them, like in the red light district, dancing in the windows, like they're the painted ladies of the night.

And then we go to a really strange Dutch news report.

This just in for the first time in 200 years, the red light district reports low numbers of activity.

People are concerned that the red light district may be closed forever.

We do not know what happened, but apparently it is.

People are saying, quote unquote, it has been ruined.

So now they go out to the

oh, yeah, the dancing in the windows and stuff.

And Shanna's like, ladies, take note.

She's coming in and taking charge.

And so they're talking, they all do their little dances and stuff.

And Shanna's posing in the window.

Tamara's like, oh, she thinks she's a fucking superhero.

Hey, lady,

hey, lady, behind the window.

Your dad's an alcoholic.

Yeah, everything is great.

Jen's like, this is a good sign.

We may make it out of Amsterdam alive, alive, alive, alive.

And then next week, 12 hours later, now they're all going to start yelling at each other.

And I'm sure Emily's going to start it off by all the intel that she gathered at the dick shop.

And

the true trip will begin.

Yeah, Emily is really just killing it for me.

She's just killing it.

I think it's time.

I think her time on this show is.

It's time.

It has been time for five years.

They need to get rid of her.

But everybody, thanks for being here.

Before we let you go, I wanted to let you know.

We let you know the other day, but also, just in case you're going to BravoCon, we are.

If you guys are going to be in Vegas for BravoCon next month, it's fun.

And Amy Phillips is going to be there as well.

And she does, you know, she does her podcast Drama Darlings, which you should be listening to.

And she's going to be doing a show at the Hard Rock Cafe.

She has a comedy cabaret and she does great impressions.

She's been doing them for years.

She's an innovator.

She's one of the orig.

She's one of the OGs.

She really is.

And she's going to be, I saw her show last time BravoCon was around.

It was so funny and so fucking good.

And she's got all new material,

including Brittany Cartwright's rendition of Pink Pony Club Ho Down.

So we'll be there.

I hope you will be too.

It's at Hard Rock Cafe Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night on the strip.

And your ticket gets you 20% off food for a day of show.

So go to ticket web and search cabare

or go to her Instagram at meetamy Phillips and there's a link in bio there to buy tickets.

So that's ticket web, search cabaremy or you know what?

Go to her Instagram bio and go to link in bio.

Yeah, everyone go check that out.

Support Amy.

Thanks everyone for being here for a fun episode of Orange County.

And we'll be back next week with a whole new slate of recaps.

Bye everyone.

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