#3047 RHOSLC S605 Part One: The Fart of War

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Well, hello and welcome to the dulcet tones of watch what crappens.

I'm Ronnie.

That's Ben over there.

Hello, Ben.

Hi, Ronnie.

How's it going?

Good.

Welcome to the show, everybody.

It's Real Housewives of Salt Lake City Day.

We're very excited to be here.

Go check out our bonus.

This week we talk about, you know, diets.

We worry about calories, concerts, stuff, stuff like that.

And

also, we talked to Leah Black on Crappy Hour.

Thanks to everybody who joined us for that.

That was super fun.

This coming Monday is Amazon Live.

That's at 4 p.m.

Pacific time.

And if you want these videos, these recaps on video, we do videos every day, find them at CrappinsOnd Demand on Patreon, as well as our bonus episodes.

Okay, welcome to Salt Lake City.

How are you feeling today, buddy?

Feeling great.

I really enjoyed this episode.

It was

a nice kind of counterbalance to the last episode being so crazy.

And this one's like, you know, people chatting.

It's really also fun to see Heather

trying to gracefully have a separation from Lisa Barlow, but we all see what she's doing.

She's, you know,

she visited Barlow as a friend and now she's like, I don't want to do this anymore, but I don't want to be the bad guy.

So let me just like try to go around and

make it seem like I'm the mature adult adult before I totally turn on her.

Yeah.

Let me pretend I haven't been, let me pretend I've actually been this person's friend this whole time instead of actively working behind her back to get everyone else to turn on her.

So I'm not the only one trying to turn on Lisa again.

Yes, exactly.

But I really enjoyed it a lot.

And we also, by the way, we watched Wife Swap, which we'll be recapping.

And I don't know if you mentioned that, but I zoned out for a second,

which was all about Angie Katsanavis.

So it's like, I feel like it was like big Angie katsanavis energy last night i thought she was really entertaining and yeah great episode big greek energy last night big greek energy here on bravo so we open with angie and heather face timing they're both making coffee heather has an entire drawer of keurigs now i haven't seen that you missed it no i saw that i thought the same i was like why doesn't she get one of those organizers

I actually love her.

I actually love her version of it.

I have to say, love her Keurig style because I can't find a decent Keurig organizer that doesn't make me nuts.

I've tried so many different kinds.

They take up too much space.

They're ugly.

I don't like them.

But having a whole drawer, I mean, that is privilege right there.

When you have your own drawer to just get it.

That's what I was thinking.

That's your Kurt pods in there, right?

That's what I was thinking.

I am like,

the way I dedicate space to different things in every drawer of my kitchen to just have a drawer dedicated pods.

I was like, wow.

She has a lot of storage.

That's what that means.

Because that's,

that was so what my thought was.

I was like, man, the way I'm tetrasing my ice cream scoop in, which I don't even have anymore because it wound up in the dishwasher and got ruined.

But like when I did have it, the way I would Tetris it in with like a garlic press and then like a spatula.

And then she just has, you know, just like, oh, let's just take up all the space with some tape, some, some

woman with not a lot of kitchen gadgets.

I don't think there's a lot of cooking going on there.

She's like, now that my girls are leaving, I finally have a Keurig drawer.

Thank God.

I call this the thank God those little bitches are gone drawer.

I know.

By the way, there was the, it was a rather extended compare and contrast montage between Heather and Angie making coffee.

I don't know why we necessarily needed it.

I guess what we saw was Heather's was the Keurig, was Angie's more.

How did she, I don't even remember how she made hers, but they just were, it was like comparing and contrast.

Like, look at how two different housewives in Salt Lake City approach coffee in the morning.

so heather has whipped cream on my lip more proof that i mean that's privilege too i mean whipped cream on your coffee what kind of life is she leading i've never really been jealous of heather's life but today i was i was like heather is living the life with her big h cup because her name is heather i'm assuming that's why heather what if it wasn't or it could be a heathen could stand for heathen it could have been a parting gift from the church

Because now she's hosting surviving Mormonism.

Please tell me how you survived the trauma trauma of Mormonism.

Did you write three bestseller books?

No, you didn't.

So have you really survived it?

I don't think so.

What's it like swimming without long underwear?

Oh, yes.

That surviving Mormonism is coming up soon.

I'm not watching that because

I'm already surviving, you surviving Mormonism.

Yeah, I've like I've had enough, but not enough without surviving.

I've had enough of surviving Mormonism.

How about you?

Are you going to watch it?

I don't know.

Like, Sirius Bravo is kind of like, is a weird thing.

It's going to be a serious show where Heather goes and talks to people and interviews and then drives home and cries in her car about what she just experienced.

So I'm not really sure if it's something I'm going to watch.

I'm going to, it'll still be a little TBD.

Unless they have like stories of, you know, like the Scientology ones where the Mormons are like chasing you through the hills and stuff like that.

You know, because those got really juicy, those Scientology ones.

But I don't know, maybe, maybe things will change.

But right now, no.

But I am jealous of your coffee drawer, H.

So

by the way, it's just like hard for me to take seriously any three-part series that's about like, you know, ongoing religious drama hosted by the lady who has a whole bunch of Keurig pods in her drawer.

Like, I just, I don't know why.

It's just Heather Gay, I miss that.

Well, it's just, it's just that she's silly.

She's a silly silly person.

And

so to all of a sudden have this very serious show where she's going to like have her fingers on her chin and be listening and choking up and relaying experiences.

I don't know why.

It just sort of feels like a contrast to then what you see the cartoons of Salt Lake City, right?

Yeah, I mean, I don't know.

I just,

I perform more of an action.

more of an action type thing.

Like, I want to see you escaping Mormonism.

You know what I mean?

Show, don't tell.

I want it to be like apocalypse now, you know?

Running.

I think they've got to rescue, actively rescue someone.

Yeah.

You know, like throw a smoke grenade in the temple and go in there and get a bunch of people with braids and pull them out.

You know, braids and flower dresses.

Like big love style.

Well,

so, well, like maybe like more polygamist makeovers or something.

I don't know.

I feel like there's an angle, but I like that.

Yeah, you know what?

People would love cult makeover.

Like cult makeover.

People who've just been rescued from a cult cult and now they get a makeover.

Yeah, because Heather's always trying to kind of bridge her or trying

from what we've heard on the show, and you know, it's fragmented over the years, but I don't know that she ever left because wasn't she talking about how she was keeping her names on the roll and all that,

that stuff, you know?

So I don't know that she technically left or she got kicked out when she got divorced.

I forget the whole story of it, but I don't know.

I would, I think that she still kind of likes it in a, in a weird way.

And I haven't listened to all the the podcasts she's done it's actually a lot of serious work she's done like we're just making fun of her and stuff but um you know she's actually done a lot of deep thinking into this but i think that she still kind of likes it in some kind of way because she talks about it so much i mean i think that there could be like a makeover for mormonism like i just want you know what let's make mormonism better like what can we fix Oh, so we're just going to like ignore all the hard work of mom talk.

Hello.

They are revamping what mormonism can be thank you thanks a lot ronnie they're doing this the patriarchy did you not even notice all their hard work yeah i wonder what they're doing with this documentary they're like oh my god how will this affect mom talk

so anyway that's coming up so they're they're gossiping on the phone and they're talking about mary and angie's like well i sent her a message and asked her if she could stop by i hope she can remember that she loves me but then she's still really upset because she's like you know you know mary's sensitive, but I will not be bullied by Lisa.

That's not fair, you know?

And she points out that she used to be super close with Lisa and now she's super close with Mary and against Lisa.

And it's just crazy, isn't it?

This cycle of housewivery.

Do you think Angie's being bullied by Lisa?

No, I think Angie started it in this.

I think Andy started it this season.

She was the one.

who was talking with everybody else about Lisa being a fraud and those stories and then said Lisa was like Jensha.

So she started it.

So,

you know,

I don't know that she needs to apologize.

I don't know that it was that deep, but, you know, she started it.

Now she's acting all belligerent.

Like, I can't believe you.

I think actually Bronwyn started it, didn't she?

Technically, I think Bronwyn started that talk.

And then

the fight between Lisa and

the two of them.

Right, between the two of them.

If anybody started it, it was Angie.

Yeah, I think, I think Angie's biggest transgression was, I think that she was actually totally fair.

It was totally fair of her to say,

you know, I invested money in your company and you're not even promoting this company that you courted my investment for and you're going off promoting a different company.

I think that's totally fine.

I think when she did say it's like collecting dust in your salon, it's like it does have to do with the kids.

It's a gray area.

I can understand the trigger there, but I also do think that, like, once you have that apology, they apologize at the table at that one, at that one thing.

And it should have been done.

And then Lisa reopened it again.

And so, you know, it's a weird thing because Angie did, she did sort of like indirectly go after the kids, but it also felt like it should have been a closed case by then.

So

I don't know.

I think that, I think that Lisa

it should have been done and put in the put in the past.

And Lisa decided, you know what, let me go back in and be petty again.

So I do kind of put a little bit more blame on lisa in the current state of affairs but uh i don't think that lisa was bullying angie and i think that she's angie is using the bully card in the classic housewives way which is excessively and maybe unwarrantedly yeah

so um she's like you know lisa I've wasted time and shown a side of myself that I don't want to see and nobody else wants to see.

You know what I mean?

And so now she feels guilty for yelling at lisa but she's still pissed because she's like why is it lisa can you know hurt us all the time and she's always busy crying about what other people think about her but i'm the one who leaves feeling guilty because i could have handled things differently and i felt protective of every one of us that day it wasn't just about me it was about reoccurring takedowns you were all dolmas about to be dipped into catch up

well i don't need her to be perfect or be be good, but I need her to listen to me and to just acknowledge something so that I know it's a two-way street.

This is a sisterhood and it's a sisterhood that follows traffic directions.

And if you're driving down the street, one car's going one way, another's going another way, and we stay in our lanes because otherwise we crash and the sisterhood dies.

Do you understand what I'm saying, Angie?

So Heather's like, yeah, if anyone's going to help her change, it's going to be us, her sisters.

We know her.

We love her.

We've been through it with her, you know?

Ups, downs, deeps, shallows.

We're there, thick or thin.

We're already halfway there.

I appreciate Angie's taking accountability.

And in my heart of hearts, I believe that Lisa is capable of admitting fault as well.

And if she doesn't, well, I guess we'll just start the smear campaign because we are a sisterhood and that's what we do.

I love that Heather's giving this whole...

Oh, we're gonna save Lisa from herself from getting upset and causing trouble.

You were the one who caused all of this.

You were the one who took Lisa to lunch and sat her down and said, everybody was talking about you in the first episode.

You weren't there.

Everybody talked about you.

I was the only person who stood up for you.

And that girl, Angie, called you Jen Shaw.

And now she's like, oh my God, I just don't understand why Lisa's so upset.

We need to stop Lisa from getting getting so upset.

You started this fire and now you're running around like you all need to call the fire department and put Lisa out, Heather.

You are so right about that.

That is hilarious.

I forgot, but she did.

She is the one who exacerbated the stuff between Angie and Lisa because when Angie said it, everyone said, Angie, that's not nice.

And Angie goes, sorry, bad joke.

She literally, she kind of like, she acknowledged, whoops, went too far in that moment.

And then Heather went and then still told it to Lisa and inflamed the two of them wow so so right yeah so she's like well we're going on below deck and when i announced the trip lisa wasn't even there poor thing the sister missed the news but i've spoken with captain jason and arranged to charter a super yacht in canawan we're going to the islands so um they're going to a super yacht So she sent an invite to everybody.

And we don't know if Lisa's going to go, but we hope she does because it's a sisterhood.

Sisters yacht together.

So, yeah,

she wants that to be a bonding moment.

Now we go to Bron Wynn and Todd, and they go to an ice cream parlor called Snellgrove.

I don't know what Snellgrove, if there's any other meaning to it than that, but Schnelltros, now is the time for ice cream parlor.

Svasta, eat your ice cream fatza, snella fatza.

These are two people that do not belong in Snellgrove because Snellgrove has all sorts of painted murals on the walls of children eating ice cream and there's sort of like general happiness and mirth.

And then you've got Todd in there,

like the angry Winnie the Pooh.

You've got grandpa

and the girl cosplaying as his granddaughter, like dressed in like a little girl's church dress and a gigantic headband.

It's like, ooh.

Yeah, like a bow.

They just look, I was like, have they ever eaten?

ice cream before?

Do they even know what they're doing?

Like they just seem so unnatural in this space.

Yeah, whenever people accuse you of marrying your grandpa, it's good to just go on ice cream dates

in giant headbands.

She's such an oddball.

They're just such an odd pair of people.

Not even that they're odd because of age difference.

I mean, they are.

That's something that contributes, but just as people, they're just odd people, you know, which I like.

So here we, how many ice cream dates do we get between husbands and wives on into it in bright pink?

Yeah, I just, I kind of like, she looked like she should have walked into the the ice cream store with one of those giant rainbow lollipops that's the size of a head like it's time for ice cream i'm rowing like that's sort of how she looked and yeah there was like we're very used to mid-december relationships on bravo but but in this scene it really did read as like mother i mean uh father daughter it was really weird and i i try to be like open-minded to those age differences but But this scene in particular was,

it just, if it's just, it's weird.

You don't feel like they interact like husband and wife sometimes it seems like because he's like a grump and he's sitting there he's in the happiest place in all of the greater snell grove region and he's sitting there with a scowl on his face eating his little raspberry swirl ice cream it's like could you at least enjoy yourself can you enjoy that you're having a moment with your wife your hot wife jesus no i'm going to take a moment to stand up for todd here and say some of us enjoy ourselves by not enjoying ourselves you know and i think that that's just todd's vibe and also um um, I think that Todd's a jerk to Bromwyn on camera, and I think it reads really scarily for their marriage.

And I'm wondering like when she's divorcing him, because it seems like she's kind of setting us up for that.

But on the other hand, I do think that he's like, I don't want to do this show.

I told you I don't want to do this show.

You're making me do this show a fucking game after you've been crying ever since you stopped shooting the last season of this show.

And now I have to come to this show and talk about these women who are torturing you even more

and give you advice and act like I give a shit about these people.

Why are you making me do this?

I think that's you know, that's fine, and that's 100% his energy.

And I picked up on that also.

But how many times has Bronwyn had to go to work events for him and she had to smile through like insufferable work parties?

It's like, you don't, we know you don't

at least make an effort, okay?

Like, could you not make it seem like your wife's job is the biggest burden to you?

Like, she's bringing in money, okay?

She's actually hating something and standing up for herself.

I think

he may hate it, but you know, it's your job as a spouse to pretend you don't hate stuff.

You know, we all do it.

Yes.

I'm going to, you know, I sat through Sean Mendez the other day with a smile on my face.

You know, did I have to get high to do it?

Yes, but I did it because that's what you do for people you love, you know, and they come to crappin' shows and sit through that.

I know that, I know they don't want to sit through that shit.

But yeah, you're right.

I think that that is what you do for love.

It's like you.

Fuck you straight up.

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I enjoyed Todd last season, but I feel like he's been, he's, he's exceptionally surly now in a righteous way.

Before it was like he was awkward on camera, but I sort of saw something, but like now he, now he's been through it and now he's being a dick about it.

And it's like, you know what?

Your wife is allowed to make choices and allowed to do a TV show if she wants.

And the only reason why there's any sort of, you know, embarrassment coming to your household right now is because of you.

It's like that we're sitting here talking about about this situation because of your attitude.

Just enjoy yourself.

Enjoy the fact that you're having ice cream.

Okay.

And then well, also, you know, what kind of bugs me about him is that he acts like he's so above the other ladies.

You know, he's like, oh, I'm just so above this.

Everybody gossiping and na-na-na.

But he's not above talking shit about people.

He's the meanest husband on here to the other housewives and calls them names and says all kinds of stuff about them.

And he also seems to love to gossip about them.

So it kind of makes me crazy because it's kind of that attitude of people who are above housewives in general, but then act worse than real housewives do in real life, you know, and you're like, oh, really?

You're too mature for this show.

Then you see them fighting over a football game.

You know, we've talked about that a million times.

But he reminds me of one of those people.

Like, you're not better than this, sir.

You're not.

I've seen no proof that you're better than this.

So Bromwyn's doing your whole, like, I'm just so happy in this relationship.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, it's great.

I got myself a whole sunday todd a whole sundae you remember how i did that when we first got together oh man i got this drink because it has a maraschino cherries in it and you know get i get so mad when i have a dessert and then you immediately take the cherry off the top you know i hate that which is why i got a cherry and i you're not gonna take it off you took the cherry how could you do that john look what you

and he just does it That's that's actually the most dick thing that he does.

She literally states her case for America to be like, aha, now now you're locked in now it's it's been stated to the world so now you cannot take that cherry because the world is watching you and he takes the cherry anyway which was dick but also bron when you know you can ask for more than just one cherry i just want to put that out there you guys can get two cherries that way you can each have one yeah make him get a cherry or or order him a cherry or sit down and eat the cherry you know what i mean instead of sitting there leaving it on top and waiting for todd to eventually get to your cherry which you know is going to happen so

i don't know

that I'm not even sure who to blame, you know, because I get kind of mad watching the both of them.

I'm like, neither of you want to be here.

You know what I mean?

Neither of you want to be here.

It's like going to a restaurant you don't want to eat at and then you sit there miserable the whole time.

Like I drove myself here.

I walked myself in here and I ordered from here.

I've just never seen such a miserable scene in an ice cream parlor before.

I just, it's, I know I've talked a lot about being on my no carb month, but I was like, do you realize the privilege you have?

You're eating guys grave.

Now put a smile on your face and enjoy it.

And go to pop to the counter and get yourself another cherry.

God damn it.

Exactly.

You guys can't be afraid of the children

of life.

Do you like the cherry star?

I don't love the cherry.

I love the stem because I learned how to tie stems when I worked next to the bowling alley bar as a kid.

Cause the, I used to cook at the snack shop and the bowling alley bar had a window to the snack shop so we could pass food back and forth.

And they were like chain smoking daughters of Ed.

Ed was his name.

He owned the bar and they used to show me how to um tie cherry stems and once i finally got it i don't remember ever feeling that amazing since actually practice practice practice and then i got it i was like you have to like do you have to like clamp down some of the stem with your teeth or something to like hold it in place and you do the tongue to move it around like how do you do it yeah crazy basically you hold part down with your teeth and then you you know you got to work your tongue got to work that tongue around move it around you got to really feel it you got to yeah you got to be part of that cherry stem for a while, you guys.

It's like acting.

Be one with it.

You got to get method with it.

So Browen asked Todd how New York was, whatever New York is.

And he's like, I was gone.

And she's like, okay.

And he's always on your park working.

Dad?

Yeah.

He was, yeah.

And he's like, they were gone.

And she's like, okay.

Todd's parents are still alive.

Good for him.

I know.

I was impressed.

Good for them.

What are they eating?

They must be eating a lot of avocados.

We were talking about how healthy avocados were before we started recording today.

We even looked it up.

Yeah.

They're very healthy.

I think his parents are on.

We even looked it up.

That went too far.

That sounded the conversation we were.

We were like, let's Google it.

How healthy are avocados for you?

And we found out they're like super healthy, you guys.

So I think Todd's parents are like bathing in avocados or something.

Yeah.

My poor friend AC is allergic to avocados, so she can't even get the health benefits.

So tragic.

It's not fair.

So Bronwyn is like, well, Todd, we talked about you that 30 seconds ago.

You just ate the cherry.

Why would you do that?

Why would you eat the cherry?

Okay.

So did you like my, the selfie I took yesterday?

My outfit for Whitney's?

You would have been so proud of me.

I mean, I can't even imagine talking to like Dom like this.

Did you like my selfie?

Did you see it?

You would have been so proud of me.

Did you like it?

Huh?

I mean, I would definitely say, hey, did you see the selfie I sent you?

I picked out a cute outfit.

What did you think?

But like, there's just something about like how she's kind of like trying to pry out conversation from him that i'm like have you guys ever talked before it's just a barrage of things he's not interested in it's done to my point she's like hey did you did you go on the instagram have you been on tick tock have you seen my selfie he's like no i don't what what you talking about you get a tin type and we'll talk about it yeah she's well i don't think i raised my voice one time i wasn't i wasn't in any of the chaos which was fun at this party and i'm always excited to see where it goes lisa right and she came in and we were fine and in fact she and angie got like really crazy arguing with each other and then angie was making some like really valid points uh-huh and lisa did like she did like dig stuff up on us remember she did do that she does twist things that people tell her and she does like just this threatening thing and todd's just like she's going on and on about this and todd's just staring into his like ice cream and just like eating it sort of like when you know when they show um nature videos of like like feeding a turtle and the turtle's always like

It's always like, and you always see all the, the, the stuff in the turtle's mouth.

And you're like, does the turtle like it?

And you're not sure whether the turtle likes it or not, but the turtle eats it anyway.

And then it's like, okay, I'm ready for more.

That's kind of what Todd's energy is with the ice cream.

Yeah, Todd just does not want to hear this shit.

He's like, oh my God, here we go again.

But you know, Lisa does dig stuff up on people, Todd.

She sure does.

I'm like, you just did it too, though.

Yeah, but she sure does, Todd.

And

she does twist things, Todd.

You know, that she does twist things.

And, you know, she does this threatening, like, don't start with me or I'll ruin you.

But, you know, I heard Angie say at one point that i'm not going to be bullied by this like i'm going to stand up for myself i know you don't care about the details he's like at all i don't care about the details at all let me tell you what i care more about than the details of this story ticky talkie you want me to do an arm band what do i have to do to get out of this

Well, do I get a high five?

Do I get a high five or something for like not being in the chaos?

He's like, well, congratulations and thank you is what you get.

I'm like, Todd, you better not be dampening Bron Wynn's star because, like, we've seen this happen before.

This happened with Paige DeSorbo when she was dating Perry and some other people.

Like, you know, it happened with Stasi and Patrick.

Like, don't, you know, like, let our Bravo ladies be Bravo ladies.

And I, and to the Bravo ladies, don't let these guys tell you how you should act because this is your career that's going on right now.

Well, I don't think he's really telling her how to act.

Is he look, I mean, look, I'm gonna, I'm gonna put it this way.

We all have that overdramatic friend who's constantly calling us, my boyfriend or girlfriend, depending on who it is.

Like, my boyfriend is, you know, this way.

He's emotionally abusive.

He's a jerk.

He did this to me.

He did that to me.

He cheated on me.

He did that.

And you're like, you have to get out of there.

You spend hours on the phone giving this person advice and supporting them and wanting to be there.

And what's the first thing they do when they get the chance is go back to that guy.

And then they come back like, oh, everything's great.

We had a great time.

It was so good.

We had a, we're, we're back together.

And you're supposed to be like, woohoo, when's the wedding?

You know, i mean at some point you're like how long do you get to just ruminate on this toxic bullshit and drag me through this toxic bullshit and our family through and cry and moan and this and that and then you're like everything's great we're going on a trip isn't that great let's talk about lisa some more it's like oh my god you know

i get that

issue what do you mean because

I agree.

I agree with you totally.

I think, I think Todd's totally within his rights to say, okay, like I've warned you, Lisa's no good for for you.

So if you go back, you try to mend things with her, that's fine.

But if it falls apart again, I really don't want to hear it.

That's fine.

I'm just saying that when she's like, did you see?

I didn't yell.

Wasn't I so good?

I didn't yell.

I didn't get into the chaos.

Wasn't I in good behavior?

I'm like, I don't want Bronwyn changing her behavior.

Oh, I see.

She's Todd.

That's what I was saying.

Yeah.

But your thing, your point was absolutely correct.

Yeah, you're supposed to yell.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Todd's reaction should have been, well, were you going to work or not?

You should have been.

Thank you.

Are you going to be in any clip?

If I do go on TikTok, are you going to be in any clips from the No, because you didn't yell at anyone, Bronwyn.

So, if you're going to drag this family through your drama, you better at least make it into some clips on the TV.

Yeah, I'm lucky.

It's like the person at Spell Guard saying,

Guess what?

At work today, you'd be so proud of me.

I didn't serve any soft sir, I was really good about it.

It's like, what?

That's your job.

Do this.

Guess what?

I came home from building the house.

I didn't lay one brick.

Like, aren't you going to get fired?

You're a bricklayer.

Get back there.

Get to it.

So she's telling us, look, Todd is just over at this group of women.

And in his mind, I just can't keep showing up at the circus and being shocked by the clownery.

Which is fair.

I mean, you can't be shocked by the clownery, but Todd should allow you to go to the circus.

So

I don't think anybody's going to be shocked by the clownery with you.

You literally have a dinosaur costume that your mom is folding up right now that you go to the airport in.

I think it would be more shocking if you went to the circus and then

it turns out that like

Meg Whitman gave a speech.

That would be more shocking because you know that there's going to be clowns at the circus.

So there's nothing shocking about that.

It'd be more shocking if the former CEO of eBay made a speech instead.

Well, I think it's fair to go to the circus and be annoyed by the clowns.

Yes.

And Meg Whitman, really.

I was just trying to think of someone random in corporate, like like not, not someone who does not speak of the circus.

I was like,

Meg Whitman.

I love keeping it current.

I know.

Well, she does have Meg Whitman hair, kind of.

Okay, so

Rom went like, I mean, I did have this moment of like, wobble, you know, when Lisa and I talked last week and I was really quick to just be like, I don't want to do this anymore.

We could ruin each other.

We shouldn't ruin each other.

And I do stand by that.

But do you think, you think I was too quick to neutralize this, Todd?

Do you think I should keep fighting with Lisa?

Do you?

Do you?

Todd?

Oh my God, I love all these answers.

Well, Todd knows, Todd's not going to answer.

So I'll tell you that Todd knows me better than most people.

And, you know, it's just always shocking to me that he doesn't know why I'm still trying to be friends with these women.

I mean, I accepted Lisa's apology and I, and, you know, an apology is a kickoff to paving a new way forward.

And Todd doesn't need to agree for that opinion of mine to be valid that I'm going to talk to Lisa again.

So thank you for agreeing with me, Todd, that it's good that I'm talking to Lisa again.

Oh, gosh.

Oh, and this is the best part.

Whitney had a psychic come from New York, and he's like, Oh, for Christ's sake, what he tells me.

Lisa's a bitch.

I could have told you that.

Here, here's a psychic prediction: good luck saving the next cherry till the end of the Sunday.

The Tad Monster's on top of it.

I got a psychic.

You're not going to be digesting the cherry anytime soon.

well um the psychic he started with my mom first

and he was like this time uh like this time this is as recovered as she's gonna get uh-huh and he goes oh well is that his medical opinion i'm like well you're not a doctor either todd i know but i like i like that she didn't give the full information because what the psychic actually said was something along the lines of

you guys haven't been checking the right place it's actually something wrong what did he say like in her brain or something like she's got he specifically told her some other medical issue and I like that Ron was like no we did we definitely need to get her blood tested you know she's just like well she said that's as recovered as she's gonna get she's gonna die sooner than we thought so

it was free the whole thing was free well I don't believe any of this I think it's all craziness Todd, how could you say that?

No, I meant crazy that yours came with a cherry and mine didn't.

What is this place?

I'm never coming back.

And she's she's like, okay, do you feel like you can suspend your bullshit meter for like a second?

Because it really felt like a warning.

I mean, he said it's kind of time to, you know, move past this with your mom.

And he's like, look, it's probably a 50-50 guess.

Okay.

That's what psychics are good for.

They're good for guessing.

All right.

Let me tell you what guess is worth.

A fart in the wind.

That's about what they're worth.

Todd.

Okay, well, you didn't actually have to fart right now in the wind.

That was, you know, this is what we're trying to do.

Don't make fun of my farts.

How dare you?

That's divorce worthy.

No, you're really bumming me out.

I'm just like trying to tell you something that I really enjoyed.

And I'm sitting here trying to like, I'm just, I'm just getting upset.

And I'm just, I'm sitting here.

I'm dropping.

I'm trying to have ice cream with you.

You're eating my cherry.

And I'm trying to tell you something that was funny.

And you know how I, you know, because nothing makes you laugh more than a psychic that says your mom might die soon, right?

And I was like, where's the funny part?

You know how I feel when people misunderstand me.

And I shouldn't have to feel I'm misunderstand by you too.

Like I should have to beg you, I shouldn't have to beg you to think that this is interesting.

I shouldn't have to beg you to let you know that Whitney's psychic from New York said something interesting to me at a party when we're all yelling at each other.

And he's just like, hmm.

He doesn't really say anything.

He just kind of looks at her and like moves his jowls a little bit.

And so she's like, well, I'm very accepting that Todd is less emotional than I am.

And I would just love to feel the acceptance when I'm more emotional than he is.

And I'd love it.

I'd love to get to a point where I like don't have to get this upset for him to notice it.

But it's a process.

It's a process.

It's like you are going to hit yourself on the eyes with your, if, with your headband, if you don't stop nodding your head.

It's going to hurt.

Maybe that's why it's so weighted.

It's gigantic.

It's enormous.

Todd, I'm not telling you he gave me numbers and I converted our life savings into a lottery ticket.

I'm telling you, if it touched something in me, then it's worthwhile.

He goes, okay, well, that's an awesome thing to do.

And I'm sorry.

She's like, oh, and that's just it.

A begrudging apology from Todd.

What a weird scene.

It really was.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I feel like you should be happier than this in a marriage.

But maybe not.

I mean, I don't know.

I would think so, too.

What's it like?

Tell us.

Okay.

So then we go to Liz.

You have to imagine there's also some stress on that relationship with Muzzy hanging around that household.

Everything's fine.

Everything's fine.

Ezra sweatshirt says.

Yeah, well, this is not a new dynamic for Bromwyn and Todd.

And it's just one of those relationships you look at like, how is this a thing?

Like, how are these people doing it and saying they're happy?

You know, because they both, they both say they're happy, but it doesn't look like they're happy.

But I don't know.

Maybe they're happy being unhappy.

I don't know.

Should she leave?

I don't even know if she should leave.

Does she like it?

I mean, does she like being with Todd?

Is he like really soft and cuddly when the cameras aren't on?

I mean, I just don't know.

I don't really get it.

I don't know.

I kind of feel like the, like, everyone should be the same either way.

Someone on Twitter says, Todd loves his wife, but doesn't understand her need to be on television.

And Brahmin loves Todd, but loves being famous more.

And then Brian Moyland said, absolutely correct.

They now value different things.

And I think divorce is inevitable.

So there, from Brian Moylan,

the chairman of the Institute of Housewives, you heard it there first.

Well, that's, yeah, I can see that.

You know, I think that's a problem with a lot of these shows, you know, when one goes off and become famous because the husband is, you know, it's like if, especially if they married someone rich, like in this case, case, she's married to Todd, who's very well known and makes a lot of money.

So he was kind of the star in their relationship and that, that changed over.

And I don't, I don't see somebody just being like, oh, you don't like TV?

Okay, I'll give all that up.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So now we go to Lisa's house and she's packing for the below deck trip.

And John comes in with some suitcases.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, remember when we went on that yacht trip and I had like nine suitcases?

And I was like, this is nuts.

He's like, yeah, overkill.

Where, where are you guys going?

And God on.

Yeah.

So I think it's like by the Galapagos Islands.

And then we see a map that shows that they are nowhere near each other whatsoever.

Yeah.

And she's like, that's away.

There's nothing better than when you get on a boat and it's like, oh, I'm just thinking about a piña colada.

And boom, you get a piña colada.

Like it's the best thing ever.

So I'm sure this is going to be fun.

But like, you know, like it's only three days, but I'm used to going seven to ten, but whatever.

I'm going with four people.

So

that's how it is, you know?

But I wish I had some say on the guest list because it would be very different.

It would be a very different guest list if I had to say.

By the way, John, I forgot to tell you.

I like talked to a psychic.

Yeah, at Whitney's party, he like brought up like all, he brought up us and he was like, do you guys feel like you're having a communication problem right now?

You know, and John's like, well, maybe he was.

Yeah, because I mean, like, it like really resonated when he said you guys are having communication problems like you're not on the same page with things

Lisa interrupting John to find out if they have a communication problem is perfect Lisa Barlow.

I wish they just showed that scene.

I think it was from last season where John comes in and Lisa's on her phone.

He's like, hey, honey,

I was wondering if you want dinner.

And she's just ignoring him on his phone.

Yeah.

And maybe we could go over our taxes later.

She just ignores him and swipes on.

He tries like five different things and she never even looks at him once.

And he finally just like shrugs and walks out of the room it's perfect that is their communication that is it yeah

so lisa is like yeah it really resonated me when he said that you guys are having communication problems like like you guys are like not on the same page with things you know it's like oh so what yeah you know so like part of me it's like you know i guess part of that's true i guess part of that's true

Yeah, there's like not a specific catalyst for this.

Like it's been going on since before we got married, actually.

That's because there's like blurred lines between business and family and marriage and things like that and like knowing ben affleck and like i manage like the entire house plus i work and sometimes i just like feel like that i'm just taking for granted like where it's like normal like i just i'm like this lady who just like does everything for these people all the time yeah and like i get really sad and like when i get really sad i like have to go to my car and put on a cowboy hat and a denim dress that's what i'm wearing right now i don't know why do you know why does anybody know why but i go sit in my car and I call my dad and I'm like, dad, this is hard.

This is hard.

Hold on, dad.

Let me open the window.

And you know what?

It's like sad.

I have to call my dad to do that instead of John.

That's so hard.

John's like, well, we aren't on the same page because I don't think you want to hear what I have to say because you're already.

Yeah, but like, you know what?

Like same pages like means like books.

I don't like that, John.

You know, I don't like reading books, John.

You know, like, I'm just frustrated, John.

I'm just frustrated.

I guess what I'm saying is that I'm not sure.

I want to hear what you have to say, John.

I want to hear what you have to say.

What's like really on my heart is the following sentence.

Yeah, I know.

That's on my heart, too.

Me too, John.

That's what I'm saying.

I just

think that like,

like I was saying, how I really remember when I took nine things on the remember when I took nine suitcases on the yacht?

That was hilarious.

Yeah, well, I guess you don't really need to.

yeah joseph smith knows better i wish i could call joseph smith right now he listens to me more than you john yeah

everything you do is perfect it's just me i'm the problem it's me

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So now we go to Angie's house, and Mary's coming over, and it's really awkward.

And he's like, hello, Mary.

And she's like, hi.

Well, I guess you decided to open the door for me this time.

And usually I have to let myself in because you're too busy to get the door.

So thank you for getting the door.

Well, I brought you your favorite drink, Arizona iced tea, bakala va flavor, but they didn't have the one with no sugar.

Yeah, this is like seven cups of sugar.

Don't even drink that for yourself, please.

Don't, I mean, don't just get this away from me.

All right, Mary.

I want to look at it.

You look nice, you look nice.

You look almost Greek.

You look so nice.

Thank you.

Do you want a water?

Do you want a water?

No.

Do you want Greek water?

No.

This is water from Greek.

No.

This is water.

No.

Listen, I just stopped.

I just stopped by to talk.

Okay.

I don't want your water.

I want your liquids.

Okay.

Just talk to me.

I don't want liquid things in my mouth for you.

Don't do that.

Of course, I had to make a snack.

Here's a giant snack for us.

Here's a snack.

Eat.

Do you want the snack?

The snack is yours.

Snacks.

Eat that.

I don't want that.

I don't want to eat eat that.

No, I'm not going to do it.

I feel like I'm in the principal's office.

It's like Principal Zeus is here and he's scolding me.

And I know what it feels like because I was a regular, but this time I am actually feeling a little bit scared.

Mary's just looking at her like,

ew.

Like with complete distaste on her face.

She's like, ew, why am I even here?

It's disgusting.

Mary, I just want to say I am sorry.

I know that you wanted me to come down and I know that you were there and you were trying to help me.

and it's hard for me to allow someone to bully me because I was so bullied by

dusty products that you're becoming that you're becoming the bully on the playground that you're becoming

I'm responding I'm not bullying her I'm responding to dusty products in my basement I was bullied by dusty products yeah but you know what you get so angry that you can't even focus on getting sugar-free Arizona iced tea and then you bring people sugar and I could be dead of diabetes right now because you get so angry that you can't even focus and then what am i supposed to do if i can't calm you down why am i there and then you're allowing someone to get mad to the point that it's affecting our friendship and my iced tea and that's what we have to talk about and we you know you you it's like i don't even exist and i'm like angie angie and you're just like ah eat sugar eat sugar eat sugar put sugar down your throat put sugar down your throat you know and then like you launched me like i was your enemy that you wanted me to have diabetes right there on the spot

i was frustrated with the whole table okay

you're supposed to be my sister you're supposed to be my sister but you're not my sister no you're not find another one kay because if you were really my sister you would be able to marry my grandpa if i ever died but you're not so good luck good good luck here with your sugar eating muscular husband with louis vuitton bags I don't want to be on eggshells and I don't want to, no, there's not actual eggshells on the floor, Mary.

I'm sorry, that was a metaphor.

Did not mean to spook you.

I don't want to feel like you're mad at me for being me.

But you're different.

You're different lately.

You are different.

And she says that Angie's kind and easygoing and cool, but lately she's always throwing a tantrum.

Now, I don't know where Mary was during the other seasons, but.

Yeah, Angie's throwing tantrums every season.

She's like, and that's a trigger.

And you don't evolve by attacking other people.

It's almost like you go backwards, you know?

And I used to know a girl that went backwards.

She kept going backwards and backwards.

And I would tell her, no, come forwards.

Communion is forwards.

But she kept going backwards and backwards until she walked into the street and she got run over right in front of the church by a truck that was going forward it was ironic and that truck fell into a neighborhood and that truck died too

she's like

so mary's like no you're in a space and i i don't know who you are and you're a little bit mean like when you made fun of my fart you kept on making fun of my fart your fart my fart and we see a flashback to this like lunch that mary browen and angie had where mary farts by accident and then giggles about about it and then angie keeps on ragging on her about it she's like i guess we'll sit over there away from mary's farts oh look there's electra let me warn her that there's a smell of farting here from mary

well first First of all, the dog farted, not me.

And then you said, oh, maybe that's Mary.

And then you said, come on, Bronwyn, we better sit over here because Mary's got gas.

And then your dog farts.

And then it smelled the whole house up.

And then it shows a close-up of the dog.

And the dog's like,

sitting all gorgeously.

And then you blamed it on me, like it was my fart.

And I'm like, first of all, I eat healthy, okay?

And my farts don't come out like that.

And we should, we should know the fart between my fart and a dog fart.

And you didn't even know my fart between a dog fart.

I mean, what kind of friend are you?

You think I just have a dog fart?

So now you're just accusing me of having dog farts and I'm just supposed to be your friend.

And then you said, oh my God, Mary, is that you?

And I'm like, okay, enough.

I got it.

Next time I won't tell you when I fart then.

oh my god I was like at first I thought she was being silly for the cameras but then I was like I think this is a real rant right now

Angie cannot she's like trying not to laugh and what's even worse is that when she tries to not laugh she puts her fingers out her nose so it looks like she's trying not to smell merry what are you holding my what are you holding your nose now like i farted again i did not fart do not accuse me of farting if someone farted it's you

she's like i didn't smell your fart but you acknowledged that you had farted.

So that's why I said it.

Seriously, like, if you farted, I wouldn't make fun of you for farting.

And you don't even know if I smelled your fart before.

And maybe I have, but I would never talk about it and make fun of you because I'm your friend.

But you didn't smell my fart.

Like, you didn't smell my fart.

You just said you did.

And then you blame me for having to dog fart.

She's like, but I, but you said that you farted.

I said, I have gas.

Well, so I said, why don't you sit over there?

And she goes, well, I was offended by it.

Okay.

So then Angie's like, okay, I think we have to end this.

So she sort of of takes her hand and she goes, I appreciate you.

Give me your hand.

No, we're not ready.

We're not ready.

We're not there yet.

We're not there yet.

I came over here.

I almost died of, I almost died of diabetes.

I would have had sugar farts then.

Then you could have come at me with sugar farts for this sugar, Arizona.

There will be a day, Mary, when I won't be here to clutch your hand.

Instead, there'll be a different lady here gutting a fish in my backyard.

So enjoy this moment.

Wife Swap, 10:30 tonight.

And

Mary is like, you know, I,

you know, hold on.

I don't want to lose you, but you have to understand me too.

Okay.

I pull back in certain situations where I feel a level of disrespect or I farted.

And finally, I farted around somebody and didn't pull back.

And now I have dog farts.

So she's like, okay.

And so Mary talks about how she doesn't let people in.

But when she does let people in, you know, she puts you on a pedestal and she wants the best for you and she wants you to thrive.

And then she starts crying.

She's like, I don't know why I'm crying.

I'm sorry.

I didn't do that.

That wasn't me.

That was the anti-dog.

Where are you crying?

Your fart was a little stinky.

It's kind of making us react.

How dare you accuse me of farting?

I live my life with a guard up because I've been dogged with gas.

Lots of gas.

From a dog.

Dog gas.

There's a difference.

I don't have this often.

farting that is but also friendship this comes into my life every 20 years and i get a you know i get a friend that i love and i feel secure and i feel like i trust you and i can talk to you and i can tell you stuff i don't tell people and angie is like if you want to accuse me of having dog farts again i will un-memorize you i will un-memorize you I like that.

I've never heard that threat before.

I never heard that either.

That was a great

memorize your existence.

So Angie is like, I acknowledge you.

They actually, it's like, it's it's a really lovely like moment because Angie's like, I acknowledge you.

This is my heart.

Like, I've learned from you.

I will work better.

And I actually feel like this is like what you want from a friend is to be like, I'm mad.

I'm so mad at you, but you mean a lot to me.

And I want you to know you're doing things that are really hurting me.

And that for to have the other friend hear it and say, I hear it.

I'm going to work on it.

Like, that was actually a lovely, lovely moment.

You know, sometimes I do.

Okay.

Sometimes I was just going to say,

I'm a little mixed on when people say, I don't let people in.

So when I do let people in, it means a lot.

Like, I almost like don't want to be held hostage by whatever like issues you have with relating to people at the same time.

You know, this is this is separate from their, their, like, I think it was great how they made up.

And I think it's really lovely that like, oh, I'm so lucky.

Yeah.

Like, I think it's, I think it's, I love, I love that Angie respects this about Mary.

And I think it's, it's good to respect that.

Like, it's, you know, but, but sometimes when people are like, I don't have a lot of friends.

So you've been let in.

It's like, well, stop using that as leverage in our friendship, you know?

Yeah.

Well, for me, what was interesting about this is two things.

One, Mary gets, you know, like this, where she's just like, I'm pissed and I'm leaving.

And she just gets mad.

And it's over things that most people watching are like, huh?

Why are you mad at that?

Like, even though she got mad at Angie, like she got mad at Angie for being mad and not listening to her, but then she didn't have like a fight with Angie, you know?

Why would you walk off?

It seems unreasonable.

This seems like too much.

And she's always been like that on the show.

And then on the other hand, you have Angie, and she won't forgive you either.

Mary will take a long time to forgive, which is funny for a preacher.

But then Angie, on the other hand, will just go off and go off on anybody.

And she also really won't relent for a while.

Like if you, if you come for her, she feels like she's being attacked.

She goes overboard and just goes crazy and puts her finger in your face and does all that, brings out props, you know, does the whole thing.

So it's interesting to see both Mary kind of forgive someone someone so quickly and also be so open emotionally and also to see angie not get triggered or whatever and start fighting and instead be like okay okay you're right you know so it's interesting it's a it's a cute friendship well i think that they actually acknowledge like they acknowledge that this is a real friendship and that there's something special between them and it's important to um

not just treat it as reality show fodder.

Like if something is wrong or something's broken or someone's upset, they have to sort of stop everything and be like, okay, we have to listen to each other.

And I think that's actually really beautiful.

I think the whole audience, we all pick up on it because like sort of circling back to my thought about how it can be kind of frustrating that like someone's issues in life

means that they get to have this thing of like, oh, I don't let a lot of people in.

So you've been let in.

So now you've got to act a certain way can be frustrating.

But at the same time,

people have issues in their lives and they do have their guards up.

So when you have been let in, it is kind of special.

So, it's nice to see Angie is

taking that very seriously.

And it's, and you know, it means something because Mary normally, if someone pisses Mary off, she's like, Bye.

And we've seen it happen a million times.

But the fact that she comes back and she lets Angie have it, but then she's like, But I love you and I want you in my life is a big deal.

I think we haven't really seen Mary do that before.

Yeah.

So now we go over to Heather and Lisa shopping.

Sorry, I'm late.

I've never been here.

What is this?

Katie Waltman.

Katie Waltman.

A store called Katie Walt.

I don't know her.

Who is that?

Is that someone?

Yeah, I don't know that.

Yeah, like one time I was like supposed to come here, but like my yacht trip was like seven to 10 days long.

So I just wasn't able to get here in time because I was still on the yacht that I was going for seven to ten days.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's nice to come to a shop where people who only bring one suitcase on yachts shop.

Yeah, that's nice.

Yeah, this is great.

A one suitcase, three-day yacht shop.

Yeah.

Heather, you know about that because you went on below deck before.

So this is what it's like when you go on your three-day charters.

Yeah, so fun for you.

Yeah.

So Heather's like, wow, you look fresh and fabulous.

Is everything okay, sister?

She's like, I'm great.

Yeah, so excited.

We get to use our passports.

We're going on a super yacht.

I mean, can I take requests?

Like, come on, like, can I bring glam?

She's like, no, you cannot bring glam.

And then we have a flashback to, we're talking about, I have glam in Monaco.

I have glam in Central Bay.

I have glam everywhere I go.

Oh my gosh.

So you're going to have to help me with my makeup every day, either.

She's like, well, no, I'll have Whitney help you because this is a sisterhood.

And each one of us will pick up a makeup brush and we'll do all of our faces all together as a group because that's what we do for our sisters.

I'll pass.

If Whitney's going to do it, I'll pass.

I'll pass.

Oh, and then Angie can blow out your hair.

I pass.

I pass.

You don't trust her with your hair?

I don't trust her with anything.

I don't trust her with anything.

She'll probably hope that my son dies while I get my hair done.

Yeah.

Well, she's coming on my trip.

She's coming on the trip, so you have to be ready, Lisa.

Yeah, well, that'll be nice for Angie, since she's never been on a luxury trip like that or on a yacht either.

She's never even been on a yacht.

Poor Angie.

So that'll be cool.

It'll be her first experience on a nice boat.

Yeah,

I'm not going to haze Angie as much as you two keep hazing each other.

She never attacks, you know what?

She's getting high off of that.

She can get high off of it all her want all she wants to.

I'm getting high here just being in, I'm sorry, what's this story gun?

Whatever this Walmart is, support person, you know, I'm getting high on it.

I did not see Angie get high off of their attacks.

This is a sisterhood.

We are here to support each other.

She was crying.

She was upset to me.

Why is she crying?

She was poor.

Is she crying because she's a mean batch?

Like, why is she crying?

Why?

Because she doesn't have money in a purse?

That's probably why.

Like, why does she, do you think she feels bad about being a mean batch?

If you can't even understand why she's crying, it's obvious because she opened up the New York Times and did not have a bestseller book like I did.

Of course she's crying.

Okay, look, Lisa, if she's a mean bitch, you're a mean bitch.

You're both mean bitches.

You know what?

What did I do wrong?

What did I do wrong, though?

Because in my opinion, my opinion, Angie shouldn't have been starting being nasty about my kid's brand.

You know, like, that's disgusting.

That is disgusting, either.

No, I know that was hurtful, as hurtful as it probably was for all of you.

Yeah, but then she goes low.

She's a little bestsellers.

Yeah, but then she goes lower and lower.

Like, hey, you want to call me a cut fitness?

I'm going to say it louder.

Yes, yes, I did say cut fitness, lady with the semi-crossed eyes looking at me funnily.

Who is that lady looking at me funny?

What did you just come in here from the from a compound?

Who are you?

What are you looking at?

Like, I just work here, ma'am.

Yeah, well, keep working.

Keep working,

Gene Folder.

Okay.

Yeah, I'm just like sick of her nasty, nasty dig.

She's always commenting.

Well, I think she's sick of your digs too.

But I didn't dig at her.

Are you kidding me?

What are you saying that you about what you're saying that you hate about Angie is exactly what you did?

How is that?

How is that what you're doing?

How is what you're doing different?

It's almost like Bravo needs a spin-off called Surviving Barlow, which would be a spin-off of my spin-off, Surviving Mormonism, which I'm hosting, Lisa.

Well, how did I go low?

How did I go low?

How did I go low?

How did I go low?

How did I go low?

How did I go low?

Who's the soup man?

Was he Corman?

Did you survive it?

Yeah, but she just said I cheated on my husband, though.

So I'm like, I don't know.

Why don't you worry about your suit man?

So is it suit man or soup man?

Sue, you know, sue sue.

That soup?

Sue.

Or is it suit?

It's sue.

Like chef?

Sue.

Sue.

Like a boy named Sue.

Sue.

Is he a Native American Sioux of the Sioux tribe?

Sue.

Sue.

Sue.

Sue.

Sioux, Sioux, Sioux.

You mean Fuda, like John Fuda from New Jersey?

No, no, there he is, by the way.

Shout out.

Darius.

No, but like a guy from

a Sioux kitchen, you know, like not a suit you wear, but like a, not like a Morocco.

Like a suit you wear, like not like a suit you eat.

Oh, a suit you wear, like a lawsuit, like the ones that you have against you?

Is that what you're talking about?

Yes, sue.

Sue, yeah, dismissed.

Yeah.

She's staying at dismissed, dismissed, man.

Is that what you're saying?

Dismissed.

Those were dismissed.

Learning that Suitman is actually suit man clears a lot of things up.

First of all, he sounds hotter.

Heather, just earning those checks.

So she's like, wait a minute, who's the suit man?

Nobody.

You know what?

And why does she say I cheated on my husband then?

Then why does she say that?

And she goes, but wait, but why would you say that?

So look, you got to hand Lisa credit.

Lisa's being an asshole in the scene.

And she's being an asshole usually, but Lisa is not going there with Suitman.

We talked about on Crappy Hour who Soupman could possibly be.

That lady Sophia from, who used to be a host on Caller Daddy, claims that

Angie was dating her ex, who they call Soupman, who's some guy who graduated with a degree in Greek studies or something.

So that's kind of the goss on that, just the internet gossip on that.

But she doesn't go there.

She's just like, nobody.

So maybe she's saving it for later.

I don't know.

But then she says, but then why did she say you cheated on your husband?

Whitney was the one who brought, wasn't it Whitney who brought that up with,

no, wait, who's cheating on the husband?

Would Monica and Whitney were like, we know something about the husband?

Don't talk about the husband.

That was Sean, right?

God, that's.

So many petty arguments ago.

Because, well, Meredith said, let's talk about the husband.

She had that.

But then they had that Lisa Barlow event, that Vita event or whatever, where

Whitney and Monica hold over Angie and Whitney's like, I think you should tell her.

And then remember when she got, she kind of manipulated Monica into being the one to out this information so they could all be like, Monica's the one who did it.

And Monica was like, well, yeah, I heard your husband is gay.

Everybody's saying your husband is gay or whatever.

So she's the one who brought that to camera with Whitney.

But of course, Lisa, Lisa Lisa has no chill.

And it's so easy to blame Lisa for things because she never fights properly.

And so they could just blame everything on Lisa.

And that's what they're going to do.

So Heather is like, well, there is no Suitman and there's no Suitman.

She's just throwing shit out and seeing, waiting to see what sticks.

I mean, look, there's a, there's a, there's a reason that no one ever writes hard for you, Lisa.

And I think it's because they've all been burned by you and everyone at the table has a history with you.

Where are you,

Where have you gotten?

You've gotten low before, Lisa.

Okay, okay.

Well, maybe I shouldn't go on the boat trip then.

Maybe I should go.

I'm putting on my sunglasses now so you can't see me cry.

You have to acknowledge that we have come a long way, that our history is dark.

It is, Lisa.

You know what?

Dark, dark history.

You know what?

You should talk to Angie about it because she's more than willing to talk to yo about it.

You know, you should talk to her in the dark about it with soap.

I actually have.

I have.

I have to talk about it.

Oh, now you talk to angie about it great you don't need to get upset yeah

i i really did not think i was coming here today i thought i was i thought i was gonna come here to look at poor people clothes with that cross-eyed girl over there giving me judgy looks i still see you cross-eyed girl but

your mother your sister stop staring at me

well listen what am i even saying to you other than that we have history we are like two pods in the same drawer for my coffee machine we're in it together we're in it.

We're stuck in it.

So why are you acting like this?

Oh, really?

I'm just as low.

I'm just as low.

I'm just as low.

I'm just as low.

I'm just as low.

Yeah.

You cannot expect me to just sit here and let you diss her and be like Audi 5,000 and say that she does all these horrible things, horrible things, and not look at you and say you do too.

What you two are doing has no end point.

You are like Mormonism and people need to survive you.

I hope there's a special about it that I can host.

Yeah, you know what, then?

Then stop talking about me and then I won't have anything to say about her.

Okay, don't count my money because I don't count hers.

You know, not that it's that hard to count because she has like two dollars because I counted that.

Yeah, that would be so easy to count her money because she doesn't have any money.

Yeah.

Lisa, Lisa.

What?

When you say something like, I could count her money, it'd really be fucking easy.

You might as well count her fucking money because you're not saying it in a way that makes you cooler or kinder.

You're saying it exactly low.

Like she would say, do you understand this, Lisa?

Yeah, but why can poor people start it, but rich people can't say anything back?

Or we're like in the 1% where it's like, you want to burn us all.

You know what I mean?

Like, I'm sorry that I have a job.

Okay.

Oh my gosh, the neurovertists say this right now?

Like in this poor person's store that like is for like three-day yacht trips?

Like Heather, are you fucking blind and deaf?

Because clearly you don't see all the times everyone's coming for me nonstop, and it's hard with you.

And I wish I had something that would go for the deaf thing, too, because I said you don't see the things, but I'm just going to assume you're not hearing the things too.

Okay, that's my metaphor.

So

we see, you know,

basically we see a flashback to where it all began, where Heather's like, How could you call me a good time girl?

That could have gotten me suspended from school.

Surviving Good Time Girlism by Heather Gay.

So Elisa's like, like, you know how much I put up with Heather?

Like, you know, and I'm like, glad?

I'm, like, I could give you your book a title, by the way.

Like, this is like bullshit.

Yeah, I came up with a title, remember?

Because she does have a title called Good Time Girls.

I mean, Good Time Girl.

You got to be careful.

When you make fun of people on these shows, they take it over.

Like, Luanne took Giovanni.

Paige and Hannah took Gigly Squad from Kyle.

Yeah, you need to trademark your insults on your shows.

You need to be like Dorinda and just run trademarks on everything you say.

Yeah.

Yeah, don't let those disses fall into the wrong hand.

Disses.

Yeah, but you know what?

She doesn't want anyone to say anything back to her.

She does it to Brittany.

Oh, wait, no one cares about Brittany, Lisa.

Why are you even bringing her up?

I mean, you said so many things back to her.

She's like, you know what?

I didn't say so many nasty things back to her.

She called me a cut fitness.

And I'm like, you know what?

Thank you.

Okay.

Roll call.

I'm here.

Yes, cross-eyed salesperson.

I said cut fitness again.

Okay.

That poor 16-year-old girl with the big curly hair, and she's just like looking left and right like, oh, my God.

Am I going to outer darkness by hearing these words?

I'm not saying this to hurt you or this poor sweet girl who is sort of my daughter's age.

And I almost wish she would get out of the store so I could live my life.

But anyway.

You know, but I'm not trying to drudge it up.

I'm just saying it so that you can see that it's never going to stop unless we acknowledge it.

And I say, and I I say it to you, you know, I want to get this off my chest too, because the most important thing is to have you at peak emotional frustration or frustration before we get on the boat and you can't escape.

You know what?

Like, I'm like sick of being labeled like this.

Like, you don't feel bad.

Like, I think she needs to take accountability.

And I told her, I'm like, I just want to get, I just want to get my kids' product.

I was just trying to be that nice, nice that day that I sent my assistant to her dusty store

built with $2.

It was like in the parking lot.

It was like under an umbrella like it was like the worst store i've ever seen in my life like there were like a bunch of bald people in there because she like does hair so bad you know i was just like trying to be nice

Lisa, you're not going to win.

I've already won.

I've got the spin up in the book.

You're not going to win.

You want to win something.

She wants to win something and you're both losing.

I'm trying to move forward with you right now with the stuff that I'm using to bring us backwards.

And I'm hoping that this trip will help us bring us all together.

The way so many of our trips always have traditionally on our show.

If there's anything about a real housewives of Salt Lake City trip is that it brings us closer and we emerge more maturely.

But like until you really clear it up or change it, it's never going to go away, Lisa.

Oh, God.

Lisa's just like,

well, one thing I have to say.

Oh, sorry.

No, go.

I don't have to say.

No,

I was about to transition into the next scene.

And if you were about to say something about this scene, I didn't want to stomp on it.

No, I was going going to do the same thing

well i was going to say if there's one thing that the real households of salt lake city is known for is chaos and hilarity but if there's one thing it's become really good at are riveting mother-daughter scenes because guess what here comes another one that i was not expecting this is worse than i thought it could be oh my gosh this britney situation is i have to say i mean

You know, I'm really judgy on this show, and I get it.

Like I'm judgy and bitchy and mean sometimes and stuff like that.

But I do try in my head to give people the benefit of the doubt.

And I remember saying last week with Brittany with this whole thing, people coming after, you know, Whitney saying, no, you need to go, you need to stop dating him for 30 days and prove to your daughter.

And I was like, well, but did the daughter even ask for that?

Like, is that really the problem?

Like, what is the problem?

Because it's never really been explained.

Britney said in the past, you know, I've chosen men over my daughter.

Okay.

Well, that's a bad enough confession, right?

So it's not like I think Britney's so innocent, but wow, it's a lot worse than even I thought this would be.

It's actually bad.

It's bad and it's sad because what it, to me, what it shows is, well, I don't have any sympathy for Brittany in this situation.

She really.

No, and I'm not saying you do, but what I will say is that it makes, I do feel sad for her as a person because she,

she's kind of a broken person.

Right.

Like what we really do see is that like when that first marriage ended, clearly something switched, like I, I think she, like, couldn't deal.

She clearly had to like excise that part of her life and just like pour herself into a new life that she's been trying to chase this stuff.

But like this lady needs, she needs help.

She really does.

And it's, it's really sad to see someone cause that much damage on her poor daughter because

her own, her own shit's kind of broken at the moment.

You know?

Yeah, I, I don't even see the like she needs help thing.

I look at it as kind of like a, you can't really help a narcissist sometimes because she doesn't even seem to get it.

Like she never really gets it.

She can never really explain it.

I mean, let's go on with it, you know, for people who actually need a recap of it.

But they, so first of all, I want to say, thank God for traumatic parents because they do raise great theater kids.

Because this kid, Olivia, is clearly a theater child.

I mean, she comes in, she has the charisma of one, she has the outfit of one, and she definitely has the voice of one.

She's like, hello mother

you know it's like it's like a living room play projected to the balcony you know it really is and by the way something that is i think also worth noting is that this mother-daughter scene that is going to be very riveting and intense is going to play out at sort of like the high top counter on the side of a coffee shop full of like lots of people just on their laptops.

It's like, and they're going to want, and they will wind up like the daughter, their voices will be raised.

There will be tears.

And I'm like, I cannot believe you guys are doing it.

You're not even sitting at a proper table like they're sitting at that little side thing like which

couldn't even get a table like oh my gosh

so it seems okay at first they hug it's nice and britney well it's not really because she's the kid walks in and she's like hello mother and she's like oh hi get hug you want to hug she's like um okay

So she lets her hug her.

Well, meaning it's, it starts off nicer than where it ends.

Yeah.

There are smiles that are present.

So Brittany is explaining that her reading with Terrence

was like prophetic.

It made her realize that she needs to step back from her romantic relationship to focus on what's really important, which is her daughter.

Is that prophetic or is it just

the most recent person to tell you that?

Or is it just something that's obvious and happening in current times?

Even Whitney could tell you to do that.

She did, but you didn't notice because you were distracted by the pain you were inflicting on on yourself by stroking a cactus.

Stroking a cactus.

So Brittany's like, well,

so, honey, I got you a steamer.

Do you get it?

No.

I was like, a steamer.

And she's like, what?

You know what I'm talking about?

No.

No, I don't know what a steamer is.

Remember when you were four?

You threw that tantrum and you said, I didn't get any coffee.

But like, really?

Because like, I used to buy steamers.

Remember?

And that's why you call coffee.

Remember that, honey?

You don't remember this?

Mom, I was four.

i was four

don't worry i videotaped the whole thing because you know math i know you love math too remember the video i sent you about your math test oh god here here it is oh i can't find it honey it's in here somewhere oh so she's like well we were in starbucks and you would kick and you would scream and i'm not kidding you screaming at the top of your lungs i want coffee and everyone would look at me like what kind of mother are you you give your child coffee

so no i didn't get you coffee i would get you steamers instead that was

still don't get it huh don't remember nope still don't remember that's pretty funny though mom funny story yeah that was

this is

like this is you're you're gonna connect with something from her when she was four years old also i just feel like reconciliation talk should never start with like banter about steamers i just feel like the word steamer does not really work with reconciliation.

I don't know why.

I think we already had a lot of talk about farts.

Now we're talking about steamers.

I think let's just like move on to like different words.

Yeah.

So she's like, that's funny.

She goes, okay, well, she tells us that with her daughter, she got divorced from their dad.

She

desperately tried to create a perfect, happy family.

So she married again immediately.

But she was caught in this tug of war between husband and children.

And she thought, wow, I can finally get to my kids when I'm a good enough wife.

And then eventually her kids moved in with their dad.

I don't believe.

Wow.

I believe she was like, oh no,

that situation was a failure, but I've got a new guy now and this will be perfect.

So goodbye, old life.

Hello, new life.

I'm the new Brittany now.

That's what I think probably happened.

Or like the man left me.

So I need to make sure that the man doesn't leave me, you know, so I need to give maybe I was too focused on the kids and now I need to focus on the man because the man left me because I was, you know, I didn't even notice what the man was doing behind my back because he, you know, blah, blah, blah.

So I'm going to keep demands this time.

It's like putting the man above your kids.

I mean, which she says multiple times, but it's crazy to hear this.

Yeah.

And this happens a lot.

I mean, obviously a lot of, a lot of kids have issues with their step parents because a lot of times they're, you know, they feel like their parents have kind of abandoned them to focus on this new person.

It's a, it's a, it's, it's a tricky thing to do that it sounds like Brittany utterly failed at.

So it sounds like she didn't even try.

She was just like, I'll get to the kids later.

I'm just going to focus on the man now.

And to the point where they moved in with her dad, she's just like, Bye.

Yeah, yeah, I mean, I think that would Britney saying that she was like, I figured if I was a really good wife, I could then get to get to my kids.

I was like, No, I don't think you're adding this like little

twist to it to make it seem like actually the ignoring Olivia and the kids was somehow virtuous.

Like you were on a path of misguided virtue.

I don't think it was that.

I think you just were like scared that you were going to be left, and you were, I think it's what you said.

Congratulations, you've reached the end of part one of a two-part recap.

For part two, go look for the recap that says part two.

Mm.

See you over there, suckers.

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We got our wish, it's Jen Plish.

She's not harsh, she's Jill Hirsch.

My favorite Murdoch, Karen McMurdo.

She's a total knockout, it's Katie Mannock.

We love him madly.

It's Kyle Pod Chadley.

In the study with a candlestick, it's Leslie Peacock.

G, it's Lisa H.

We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder-Baron.

She's a whiz, it's Liz Sarthe.

Always killing it, it's Lol Al Kalani.

The incredible edible Matthew Sisters.

She eases our woes, it's Melissa St.

Rose.

There's a chance of meatballs, it's Rebecca Cloud.

Maximum love for Sandy Maximoska.

She's the queen bee, it's Sarah Lemke.

We cannot tell a lie, it's Sarah Telefson.

Shannon, out of a cannon, Anthony.

Please don't stop.

It's Solian Pop.

Let's take off with Tamla Plain.

We're obsessed all with Tessa V.

She ain't no shrinking violet coutar.

We love you guys.

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