#3046 Below Deck Med S10E04: Just the Dip

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Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, the podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about.

I'm Ben Mandelker.

Joining me today is someone who is not only lovely and handsome, but he will never make demands for Sechuan chicken after 11 p.m.

It's Ronnie Carom.

Hi, Ronnie.

How are you?

I just want to.

Well, I'll just get some Sechuan chicken.

Well, I just would really love some Sechuan chicken.

I can really see myself being hungry forward to 2 a.m.

Boys.

Hi, Ronnie.

Hi.

How are you?

We are talking below deck med today.

Very fun episode.

In case you missed it, last night we had a super fun,

crappy hour.

None other than Leah Black, formerly of the Real Housewives of Miami, came and joined us.

And she spoke very bluntly and plainly about her opinions on the current ladies.

She definitely said some things where I was like, Wow, you just said that.

Um,

so if you want to hear some hot takes from someone who is in the mix and knows these women, definitely go listen to that episode because wow, she was Leah.

Went there.

I was like, Oh, I felt like I was in trouble.

And I was like, I didn't even do anything.

I was just listening.

I felt like I was gonna get in trouble by someone.

I was like, Oh my God, this is crazy.

But it was a great time.

Thanks, everyone who joined us for that.

We do crappy Hour every other week, Mondays, 5.30 on the West Coast, 8.30 on the East Coast.

And we usually alternate that with an Amazon Live.

So anyway, we will always keep you updated on what we're doing on our Mondays.

We will always stay here to hear all the updates on what our schedule is on all that front.

And of course, there's Patreon.

That's where people can watch things like Crappy Hour.

They can also watch our.

beautiful faces right now with Krappens on Demand.

We do a weekly bonus episode.

Last week, we did a trailer trash on Southern Charm.

That was really fun.

And this week, who knows?

So that's really all the fun stuff.

Patreon.com slash watch for crap ins today.

It's time to get back to Below Deck Met.

I have to say, I'm really, I'm feeling so refreshed because, I mean, you know me, not only do I like to beat a dead horse, I will just, I will do like beating practice on it because I will go, I will go to this well over and over again.

I really hated last season of regular Blow Deck, but I have to say, this season of Blow Deck Met, I'm really enjoying.

And I feel like it's giving us the things that we really want, which is obnoxious guests, it's incompetence, it's undermining.

I'm feeling good about it.

And I felt like this episode last night was like a really solid episode of Blow Deck where you're really stressed out and angry all at once.

You know, what did you think?

Well, that's good.

How nice for you.

Bless your heart.

I don't know.

I'm kind of bored so far.

I think Below Deck just needs a few episodes to get warmed up.

But the guy, you know, the fop with the Sesuan chicken, like, shut up.

I just wanted to kill him.

And then I think all the stews are kind of too similar.

They're kind of,

I don't know.

They're both too similar.

And then the deck, I don't know.

Maybe it's, I don't know.

I'm tired.

I'm tired.

But I think that this happens to me every

few months with Below Deck because it's just always on, you know?

So I think it just needs a little more time to get firing.

But

right now, these people are just too stupid.

They're all just too stupid for me.

Like, I don't care.

I know that Kizzy thinks she's really hot and that's great for her.

I just, I don't, I don't care who she ends up fucking.

I don't care about Tommy.

That girl who keeps talking about her dead boyfriend and the diver.

And so she's so traumatized by the sea.

Girl, you're on the sea.

You're on the sea right now.

You're on the sea.

I like the

I like

the and

that's what I'm saying.

Like, I don't hate them.

I'm just kind of at this, this point.

Like, why did I hire these people?

I feel like a manager sitting in a restaurant looking at everybody missing orders and just running behind with bread.

I'm like, you can't even fill up waters.

Why did I hire any of you?

Is this all my fault?

Well, I like that.

I like that V is in the, it's in like her act one of a horror movie, which is that she's like, she's traumatized by this horrific accident.

She's mourning and she's going on a boat to deal with her trauma.

And like probably midway through the season, she'll start to see ghosts.

Terrible things will happen.

There'll be blood coming out of the

bunk bed or something like that.

Like isn't this the standard setup?

Isn't this a standard setup for horror movies?

Is that there's always a woman who's grieving the death of a lover and she goes off to somewhere to mourn.

And then it turns out that it manifests as a ghost.

Very tried.

And like, how about we have a ghost manifest out of happiness?

How about a happy ghost?

Why are ghosts so angry?

Why do ghosts always want to do this to us?

Like literally, if I were a ghost, i would be like hey bitch guess what i can do walk through a wall oh my god wasn't that amazing oh you can't do it sorry like how about like a gay annoying ghost i think that would be a much better version for like i i think i'd be a great ghost i would be the best ghost if i haunted you i would want to play games with you i would want to cook for you like why are why aren't these ghosts so angry they're gonna go to hell they're gonna go to hell if i was a ghost i'd just walk up to you and say why the fuck are you in my chair get out of my chair that's my chair that's all i would care about just like an ornery ghost, but like, why are these ghosts so always want to kill?

What's wrong with them?

And take over the daughter and kill the mom.

And they're so dramatic.

That's always like

the soul.

Oh, the soul is trapped.

It needs to be released to go back to go to the afterlife.

Well, you know what, ghosts?

If you acted better, like the way you're acting right now, you want to go to the afterlife, you're going to go to hell.

You're going to be banished to hell.

Why don't you act better as a ghost and you can go to heaven, right?

What's wrong with them?

Ghosts don't really think it through.

I think it's so mad.

I generally worked myself into a tizzy.

Like, that wasn't even me doing a bit.

Like, I was generally like thinking about ghosts and got myself mad.

Ghosts are also just drama queens.

You know, it's like people who didn't get enough attention in life and now they're trying to get all this attention in death.

Like, we can't even see you.

You know what I mean?

Get a hobby.

Go take a class.

Like, when you go to Halloween and you see all the, you know, all the ghosts that are bleeding and you're like, you didn't even have a job in real life.

You know what I mean?

Like, those people that come up to you at Not Scary Farm, those aren't even people who made an effort in real life.

And now I have to deal with you when you're dead.

Like, I didn't, I wouldn't even give you a second glance at a mall.

Like, why do I have to have you running up to me with noisy shoes at not Scary Farm?

Yeah.

And could you talk normally?

Like when you possess people, why do you have to possess them in such a strange way?

If I were to possess someone, I would like, you know what I would do?

If I were a ghost, I would possess a boring person and then give them personality instead of taking over someone with personality and then making them speak things like, do you want to play?

Like, what are you doing?

Like, why, why are you talking like that?

Talk like a real person, ghosts.

Yeah, I agree.

I would, I would like the makeover ghost idea where you're just a ghost and you go help people who just don't understand like how to comb their bangs, you know?

Or, you know, you're like, guess what?

We're going to do today.

Brush our teeth.

It'd be like,

you want to play?

Do you want to play?

Oh, good, girl.

I want to play too.

Okay, let's do something about those bangs.

Yeah.

But anyway, I want to say, getting back to Blow Deck Med, because that is what we're here to do, talk about,

this, obviously, this primary is major douchebag, just the worst, spoiled brat, etc.

I'm going to give him one, one thing, which is that last episode at two in the morning, he wants a Sechuan chicken, and they give him Chili Kun Carne, because it was a crazy request.

There is a part of me that felt like, given his request last night, could they have like prepped some Sechuan chicken earlier in the day for late that night?

Like, why did they not think like, oh, we didn't have the Sechuan chicken last night, but let's have it for tonight?

Like, that's a little, like, I think that he was entitled to get it the second night, but they should have prepared for it.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, but he gave them an, wasn't this their eight course meal?

And then, by the way, this eight course meal, which we'll talk about when we get to, it was so much food.

It wasn't.

It was a weird, it was a weird, so he just

stammered them with so much food that I don't think he thought that this person could even eat it because he didn't even make it through his dessert.

I think this is just one of those people who just wants to be like, I'm rich.

Look what I can do.

Look what I can do.

I can say Sechuan chicken and they'll make it.

And so I liked that Asia was like, no, you're an asshole.

We're not doing that.

I think that's the first time we've ever seen that where someone's just like, no.

Hey, do you want a chef?

You don't either?

Yeah, we're not doing that.

Okay, go to bed.

You know, I was surprised at that moment.

Honestly.

I was surprised that they basically rejected him.

And it was good that they did.

I'm just saying that like probably earlier in the day while the chef was doing something, he probably could have like stir-fried some Sechuan chicken real quickly, put it in some Tupperware, and then the crew could have like, they could have had it on hand.

But then this guy would have been like, no, you know, I don't want Sichuan chicken now.

Now I want, you know, fried calamara fresh from the sea.

You know, it's just, he just wants to prove his

worth to his poorer guests, his poorer, you know, companions on the boat.

So I don't think there's any making that kind of a person happy, you know, they just want to look powerful.

Probably die die young, you know?

You can't beat a maid.

That's probably what he really wanted to do was just beat up a maid in front of his friends to show his power.

That's what would have happened in like a king show, you know, where that he would have just like decapitated a jester or something.

But he can't do that anymore.

So now he has to ask for Sechuan chicken.

Yeah.

God, could you imagine that guy being a ghost in your house?

Oh, God.

My mommy, my mommy's going to get you.

Could you imagine having a ghost that all it's doing every day is requesting you to make it Sejuan chicken?

Like you have no,

you don't have a body.

You can't eat the Sejuan chicken, but I just like the smell of it.

It's like, no, I'm not making Sejon chicken for you, ghosts.

Okay, so Christian is floating away on the jet ski as he was last week.

Now, there was a lot of controversy online, like, oh my God, but maybe he's really, you know, comatose or whatever, because he got hit in the head with that.

whatever, that hook, the anchor hook thing.

And so maybe he's like really just out there dazed and confused.

No, he's just an idiot.

Okay.

which we learned in this episode there's no medical reason for it he's just stupid god bless his wide-eyed heart he's got the wide eyes of a stupid person you know and they make their eyes really wide to look like look i'm thinking it's like no you're not you know so it's definitely

a comic a comic like he should be in like the the sunday funnies or something like that like he he sort of has that look of like a character that sort of strolls in um

as as stupid people do you know how stupid people are always strolling in uh but he what's funny is that he is stupid, but he's also failing on the shoulders of Tessa's stupidity because she didn't, we find out soon that she didn't fuel the jet ski.

So the jet ski died and he's stuck on it.

And he doesn't radio for help.

He's just floating on it, being like, huh, what happened here?

So these are just two stupid people doing stupid things.

Yeah.

So once he's really far away, he finally radios them.

And he's like, guys, come and get me.

I'm drifting really far from the boat.

I mean, on the good hand, I did get a phone number from a dolphin, but,

you know, I am considered hot this far away from the boat, so that's a good thing, but I need some help.

So Nathan's like, oh, Jesus, and Captain, Captain,

are you fucking kidding me?

Are you fucking kidding me?

And the guests are like, the guests are just lying around.

They want to go jet skiing and stuff.

And then now we see like Tessa's just folding a towel.

just folding a towel, you know, making herself busy.

Max is probably yelling at the lines somewhere.

And Christian's just still floating away.

So Nathan's like, Tessa, Tessa, Tessa.

Hello, Tessa.

Earth to Tessa.

Hello, Tessa.

Okay, towel and Tessa's hand.

Maybe you can help.

Maybe you can be more effective than Tessa herself.

Okay, we're going to have to stay on top of the fueling of the jet skis going forward.

All right.

She's like, Yeah, Coffee.

Sorry about that.

I just got so much going on here with one of the boys getting married, another one having a baby.

Sorry, I didn't refuel the jet skis.

I was just thinking about how I raised those boys since they were boys.

well

this is terrible this is terrible and then we see a flashback to nathan telling tessa the night before about how she has to do the job list and how the biggest part of this is refueling jet skis

and then tessa's just on the radio she's like i totally i totally forgot about that sorry stupid tessa sora I was so busy folding this tarrel that I forgot about jet ski fuel.

Serry, Mary.

So then Nathan goes up to Sandy and Sandy's like, wow, you know, you really need to organize this.

And, you know, they have to take care of their duties, okay?

Cause, you know, so I can't be sitting here watching them.

I got to catch up on like two episodes of wind.

I'm behind.

It's like, yeah, well, I've said that to them two twice now.

Okay, well, I'm sorry you have to do all that explaining, you know, and that should be common sense.

But yet, you know, you have some people who don't get it.

Have you tried hugging them?

They probably need a hug, maybe a nap.

Yeah, you know,

people are like pants.

Sometimes you have to just just sit a pair down and say, stop going below the ankles until they learn.

Until they learn.

So Max is like, oh, the dynamic of the deck team is like taking Christian on the shoulder, taking tests on the shoulder, just getting heavier.

So heavy on my shoulder.

So useless.

Don't just don't wait fucking 100 meters to say, oh, you know, you know, I'm lost, you know?

I, why is Max, for some reason, the one that annoys me the most?

He is the most competent of these deckhands, which is not saying much because he's, I don't think he's like that great.

But like the fact that he thinks he's such a good deckhand when he's, he reminds me of like, um, like a 14-year-old.

Like when he first came on the show, he was like a nine-year-old.

He was very, he really truly acted like a child.

Now he's like a teenager who thinks that like,

not even like barely a teenager, who thinks that they know everything.

And like, no, you're still just 14.

You can't even drive yet, sir.

Yeah, to me, he's absolutely nuts.

To me, what makes him crazy is he's not a terribly competent person, but he looks so competent compared to where he's at.

And it reminds me of kind of like modern politics, where you're like, how did these fucking morons get in charge?

And then you look at everybody surrounding them and you're like, oh, because those people are even dumber, you know?

Yes.

And it's sad.

And it leads to just stupidity all over the place.

And that's, that's kind of what's annoying me with the whole season.

Like, they're all so bad.

Like, if everybody sucks, you know, there's no one to really root for.

i mean when they get me to the point where i would actually vote for max politically this country is doomed that's all i'm saying you know i know i'm expecting too much but still like that's that's what scares me max

um the

because then we see him get onto a jet ski to go save christian so he goes and then he like does like circles around Christian almost like he's in some teen movie or like some 1950s motorcycle movie.

He's like just circling menacingly.

I'm like, what the fuck are you doing?

Stop that.

This is why I can't get on Max's side.

Like, why are you making me take Christian?

Like, Christian's sitting there looking at Max, like, you fucking idiot.

I'm like, why are you making me take the incompetent dude's side here?

But that's what Max does every episode so far.

Yeah.

So he takes him back to the boat.

And meanwhile, everyone else is working.

And Nathan is telling Tessa to pass him along a line for the jet ski.

And she's just like, la la la.

She's just like ignoring him, doing whatever.

And he's like, Tessa, Tessa, Tessa.

She's like, la la la.

And he's like, we need to be quicker.

And she's like, I just wish that we had more leadership.

It's like, oh, God, for Christ's sake, Tessa.

Tessa's not only terrible at her job, she's also toxic.

Yeah.

Which means, A, I kind of don't like her, but also, B, I would totally be smoking cigarettes without her outside and talking shit about everybody.

Yeah.

I think what's funny about Tessa is that in her confessionals, she does her hair.

So it looks like

a thatch roof in like medieval times.

You know, it's like this blonde kind of like

angled A-frame that's on her head that I'm like not even sure if it's like even fitting right or whatever.

So I do appreciate that.

Like that old 60s,

you know, like evening gown, just teased up hair and then brought all the way.

It's like a split down the middle and like, it sort of looks like it's just placed on her, like Fisher Price hair, but, um, or Lego hair.

Yeah.

So I do enjoy that, but she seems to be more or less a waste of space.

So Nathan's saying, the first charter, I was giving my team the benefit of the doubt.

I was also going to the toilet every five seconds on account of food poisoning.

And I tried teaching them.

And we see him teaching them, quote unquote, teaching them, which is like, oh, be sure to hold the rope up here.

Okay.

But now second charter, this has gone beyond a joke because it was a joke before.

Keep an eye on, and we see him like now bossing people around, be like, do this, do that, fuel this, or whatever.

And basically he's like, yeah, they

don't know what they're doing yeah but he's like fueling the fueling the jet skis is a pretty basic thing like come on and so tessa apologizes and he's like you know uh just take initiative and think 10 steps ahead and she's like yeah i don't know i mean you know what i mean this team just feels kind of weak it's like you are the team tessa

you're

you are the team you're the one who didn't refuel i don't think you need leadership to tell you to refuel the machines that guests will be using that's that's like i just was waiting for someone to tell me what to do with all this gasoline and what to do with this jet ski.

I just don't know.

I wish I had good leadership around here.

Okay, so then Jack, Seshwan Chicken Jack, is annoyed because his mom's calling him,

which, of course, she is.

You know, yeah.

Jack, you're doing okay over there, Jack.

You're not bothering anyone for Seshwan chicken, are you?

This is a lot of money for me and your dad.

And Jack has a browdy friend named Katerina, Katerina, who she's just like a, she's just like awful.

But I think because she's a girl, I'm like amused by her because she's like, she's almost like a caricature.

She's like a character in one of those like wacky Australian movies, like Muriel's Wedding, like the Bratty sister or friend who says things that you're like, people don't say this in real life.

And she's like, oh my god, like, P.O., P.O., mom.

I mean, you're just funding this.

Like, Avara.

I think I'll have a margarita.

Why not?

Let's margarita time because why not?

Water.

So now it's water time and the team is still can't, the steam is little, this team still can't get organized.

And Christian just keeps apologizing.

And Sandy offers Nathan help and he's...

denies it.

And she's like, oh, God, it's charter two and I'm paying attention.

And I can see Nathan doing everything possible to lead his team.

But man, Tess and Christian are same as Charter one.

I'm not sure where their minds are, but it is complete chaos.

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so then we see sandy on the bridge reviewing cvs for the crew um why isn't she calling norma that's another problem i have with this season are we replacing norma with your wife there's norma because yeah i'm glad that you found happiness and everything i'm not finding happiness get your wife off of here and get norma back on here okay we dump norma for your wife wife.

I would rather switch the baby me, hey, me, me, and the king's so sweet, me, me.

For,

wow, Sandy, I found someone as talented as your hips.

That is to say, completely non.

There's something.

Give me some norma.

You see, I don't even have any normal

because there's no norma here.

There's no norma spirit here.

Norma, are you okay?

That that borderline didn't make sense.

Are you thinking straight?

Well, your hair hasn't made sense for years and you keep that on your shoulders.

Bloop.

Bloop.

I don't know if I have to hear this guff from someone who wears pants that reach all the way down to her ankles.

Bloop.

At least mine are still called ankles and not cankles.

You got kinkles slut.

Bloop.

Bloop.

Cankles, isn't that the name of the website you go on internet dating with?

Bloop.

Bloop.

Please don't make fun of my masturbation material.

You've got a little too far down.

Bloop.

Bloop.

your masturbation material what is that like a head of broccoli or some sort of like can of tuna like what what what turns you on these days bloop also another bloop ha ha ha bloop

not answering a very offended just dot dot dot moving dot dot dot moving dot dot dot she left me moving dot left me unread left me unread

so um

captain sandy's worried and then um ash says like i have to admit my team is handling this second channel very well i mean everyone can keep up.

You know, it's like the juxtaposition between the interior and the deck is like birds chirping, songs singing on the inside, and then it's like apocalypse knob on the outside.

Selena versus Taylor, Taylor versus Charlie X.

Hey, is that is that

Cookie Monster outside talking about pop culture?

Yeah, as soon as Asia said this, it's like, okay, well, producers are not going to like that.

They're going to try to destroy this.

So

then

the producers are like, nah,

both people on the interior are working well.

Let's move one to the outside and hire an idiot for Asia.

That's right.

And sure enough, we then see Sandy still looking at the CV and saying, oh, hey, whoa, looks like V has a lot of experience on the deck.

You know what I just realized I when I'm looking at her I'm when I'm looking at V's CV I am seeing V C V

see what I'm I gotta call Leah about this one

hold on bloop hey there Norma I just wanted to say hey we have a V that's actually working up here no offense sorry yours hasn't worked for a long time but hey you know I just want you to know that we're putting our V to a lot more use than yours ever has been put to okay bloop

bloop hey bitch I I thought you were going to call and give me some good wordplay about the fact that I sent you a V to work on the C by sending you a C V about her, but instead you decided to shame me.

So thanks a lot, bitch.

I sent a V to the C.

So how do you like that?

So now

Sandy sees that V has deck experience.

And so then V and Josh are in the kitchen.

And V's asking Aisha how everything's going outside.

And she's like, oh, God, every time I see them, they're like, oh, my God, have you had a day like that when you were on deck, V?

She's like, yeah, but like, I had to rely on myself because I was the only one doing lines.

You know, yeah, I'm just like really good at lines because I'd have to like time up alone.

So yeah, I've learned a lot about lines.

I can really tie lines.

Like I'm super, super good at lines.

Yeah, I have like a little bit of experience on deck.

I, I mean, I did win the award from like 2020 to 2024, best deck hand in all of the world.

It was crazy that award.

But anyway, they surely won't put me out of the deck because I love love it here on the interior.

But ever since my boyfriend passed away, I've had a bad relationship with the ocean because he died underwater.

So it's just like, I needed some time to recover from that.

So I put myself on more of an interior path and working on the deck would bring me back to where it all started with Bond.

So she talks about Bond.

And this, this whole backstory is so tragic.

It's like very, very sad to me.

And it actually is fast.

Not only is it sad, dare I say, it's fascinating to me.

So V is basically like reticent to go out on the deck because it's

cutting too close.

She's not ready to face that trauma but guess what you're in bravo and they're gonna make you do it and they're gonna make you cry so get ready v

happening yeah they'll ask you to like instruct a dive soon because this is bravo they really will that's how they roll they're like you know what we're gonna do underwater aerobics with v as a teacher okay go well go v they'll definitely schedule um they will they'll schedule like a guest and that guest will be someone who lost like someone special in their lives and then v is going to bond with that person they're going to do the whole thing, they're gonna really like force it out of her for sure.

Yeah, so V is still going on.

She's like, Yeah, I mean, I do lines, I can teach you how to do a bowline.

Do you want to know how to do a bowl?

Do you want to know how to do a dragon line?

I know how to do a dragon line.

Do you know how to do that?

You want to see it?

I can do it right now.

You want me to do it?

Hey, give me

a piece of skill.

You need to work on the dick team.

They need you out there, but don't go too soon.

I first have to shame Kizzy for not being as good as you.

Okay.

So now Nathan and Sandy are standing together and she's checking on him and she's like, well, you know, you do a good job of explaining.

I see explaining a lot.

That's real good.

That's real good.

And he's like, I'm just not doing nothing.

She's like, well, it's frustrating.

Trust me.

Okay.

I'm a person who worked with a lady whose name rhymed with banana and couldn't even get along with her.

Okay.

And you know what?

Normally I love that banana.

Listen.

I know you feel like you're not doing anything.

That only applies to your hairstyle, but everything else, you're really killing it.

You're really making a lot of good moves

so christian and tessa are on the back of the boat and christian's like these snorkels are clean yeah and she's like i don't know i mean was this hard to put out this ladder looks hard i mean who even came up with the idea ladders stairs are better ladders are hard

and he's like i didn't do it really it's like it's like they they do everything without us and then when they tell us to do it we have no fucking idea how to do it and you know what's even worse is when they act

wait a second he said when they tell us to do it we have no idea how to do it oh sorry i misread that i was thinking my mind he was saying when they tell us how to do it he was like complaining that oh we're they tell us how to do it no

they do everything and then so we don't know how to do anything because they're not teaching us because they just keep doing it no they're teaching you you guys are just dummies and you're not paying attention and instead of doing your job you're sitting around complaining and trying to make everybody else the villain here when you're both the idiots you literally just went on a jet ski and i don't even care if she didn't fill it up with gas didn't you look down and see that it wasn't full don't they have like a little empty i know they do because i've been on those things they have a little just like anything else they have a little ticker that goes all the way to e the gauge the gauge if you will

so tessa tells us well i know i can do a good job just ask the mick b boys i raised them and guess what i can also do a pretty mean print shop at flyer to invite you to a babyshare so i just don't understand his leadership style.

Like, we can't even read your mind, Nathan.

And we can't understand that strange asshole either.

We can't read your mind and most pamphlets.

So what do you think about that?

So Captain's like, well, we can't control everything that goes on on the boat.

You know, look at Nathan and Max.

They just need to calm down.

Oh, no, this is Christian.

Sorry.

He's like, Christian doing his captain's handy impersonation.

Yeah, he's like, I can't do everything.

I'm hot.

You know, those guys are so mad, but they need to calm down.

Like, shit happens, you know.

And just what you want to hear from a pilot, by the way.

Yeah.

Shit happens.

But I believe that I need to know why he was fired from being a pilot and didn't go back because I'm starting to feel.

I mean, we said it right at the beginning.

Like, there's something fishy there with his whole, I was a pilot and then COVID happened.

And now I'm not a pilot anymore.

Like, yeah, it's been a few years and plane still fly.

Something.

Yeah.

Planes are still in the air, sir.

So what happened on the plane?

What happened?

I want to know.

So, um,

Jack is uh looking around for Asia because he wants a milkshake.

And he's like, Can I have a milkshake, but only vanilla, plus a little salt, and you know, some bread, of course.

Oh, can you make that too?

Because Kat Arena wants to have one.

That bitch.

Oh my gosh, she's such a slut.

You want to talk about Kit Arena?

God, did you hear she wants another margarita?

Of course, she does.

She's born to want alcohol, like all right.

I'll see you up there with the milkshake.

Why not?

Why not?

What happened, margarita?

Why not?

So I love when she said that, what I loved is that she put her hands in the air and she pointed her fingers at Aisha.

Like, I'm going to have the margarita because water.

Human has to be difficult with this fucking milkshake.

I'll have a milkshake, but

only vanilla.

No chocolate.

Like, okay, that's pretty standard.

Just say a vanilla milkshake.

If you order, by by the way, I just want to put this out there, Ronnie.

Sorry to interrupt.

If you order a vanilla milkshake, I do not think that chocolate is expected in that milkshake because that would not be a vanilla milkshake.

That would be a chocolate milkshake or a whatever you call it, a swirl or a black eye or whatever.

But if you order a vanilla milkshake, I'm going to say there's probably a 100% chance it's going to be a vanilla milkshake.

Yeah, it will not be a chocolate milkshake.

So now Aisha radios for Kizzy to show Asha what cookies Jax likes because, you know, and she's like oh is he on his little milk and cookie time

yes it is so now Nathan is trying to instruct Christian and Tessa to bring in jet skis and stuff and

you know Max is sighing because he doesn't want to help them he's just about them you guys and then we cut to Tessa and she's like what am I even supposed to be doing Why ain't anybody telling me what I'm supposed to be doing?

We just saw him telling you what to do.

Why aren't you doing it?

I know.

Always.

she just wanders around like an npc and like a like a villager in zelda or something like that so now kizzy is um asking josh about what's for dinner and he's making his he's get doing his eight courses you know so he does this he's saying how like playing an eight course tasting menu is a crazy amount of work for one chef which is true and he went to sleep really late and he woke up early and everything and he's like it's like i'll just have to you know i just have to time the preparation just rot so everything doesn't get code make sure everything element is perfectly prepped and then i've got to do that seven more times.

And it's just exhausting for one chef.

So, um, yeah, he's basically got work to do for himself.

Yeah, he's got a lot to do.

So then we go to Tessa and Max, and Tessa's like, Oh my God, we are the shittiest deck team at the moment.

We are just not making the dribble door proud.

And Max is like, Did you say we are the shittiest deck crew?

And she's like, Well, we are shit, aren't we?

I mean, God.

He's like, What is your solution?

What is this suggestion?

She's like, I don't know.

And Max is like, uh, yeah, she's the problem.

Like, what the fuck is wrong with this girl?

She goes, I think we're fact.

He goes, Well, thank you for making us realize it.

I'm meditating.

He really needs to work on his hypnosis powers to help these people.

Um, so now, uh, V is, she's done in the laundry, and now she's gonna help Kizzy decorate the table.

And Aisha is so proud.

So she tells, she's just talking with Kizzy, and she's like, V, she's been doing, she's been going so much quicker.

And Kizzy's like, oh, cool.

I mean she's just coming along leaps and bounds and Kizzy's like I just wish we had an award to give her we could all wear dresses and stand in the line and hand her award and say you are the best yes you could be the person that presents the award and since it's the first award we'd say sorry that no one else is good enough to ever have won this award before so we're just gonna give it to Kizzy to give to her hand it over Kizzy

you can't be in the picture you didn't win the award I'm sorry go over the

tonight doesn't want to talk to you

oh i just heard that the also won best personality in the interior department that's so lovely

so kizzy is annoyed because kizzy

we kizzy is of the she is

she's damaged let's let's just put it out that way i'm just gonna say it she's damaged she is of the mold i think we talked about this earlier she's of the mold of ashley from below deck sailing who is like desperate for male attention and is also going to be cutthroat to the other women.

And so Kizzy is sitting here.

She's seeing the praise that V is getting, which has no bearing on Kizzy.

There's not, it doesn't mean that it's not a zero-sum game, but she treats it that way.

That if V is getting praise, that means Kizzy is doing badly.

And that's not how it is.

But she says.

She tells us, it's annoying because I'm definitely doing a lot more work and I like to be recognized for like how much I do.

Look, I put a tablecloth on this table.

Isn't that amazing?

Because Because I need to be the best.

Okay.

I was always raised that way.

I'm a very competitive person.

Like Michael Jordan competitive.

I'm the Michael Jordan of putting tablecloths on tables.

And I'd like to thank my mom for that.

She's always like, win, win, win, win, win, win, win.

And when you're seven years old, you go to a dance performance and she's like, oh, God, stop being so slow.

Lift that leg up high.

Jette, father.

She wasn't wrong.

Second place is the first place in a long line of losers.

It's like, okay,

you need to go to therapy.

And congratulations.

I just

said i am just so competitive like michael jordan level competitive i mean not for the first time i said out loud you're cleaning toilets yeah stop with this

just stop with it i know she's always talking herself up like he's me always waking up and it's the best hand me that toilet brush

i think i mean i can see why she's getting annoyed because she's got some newbie doesn't really know what she's doing she's having to train her and then ace is like oh my God.

But it's like a little baby being upset that their baby sister is being praised for walking when they already know how to walk.

You know, it's like, well, I'm walking.

No one's praising me, but they can't remember when they were already praised for walking, you know?

So then they go into the living room while their little sister is being breastfed and they stand right in front of their mom and they piss all over the carpet because they're sick of this treatment.

And then when their little sister goes to bed, he starts ripping out little eyelashes one at a time until he gets caught and almost sent away to army camp at five years old.

I love that specific example.

That's not based in any sort of life experience.

I have no idea who that would be.

So then Nathan is on the radio.

He's going to have a meeting on the Sun deck.

Okay.

So Isa's like, why isn't your hat fitting your head?

Because he's kind of wearing it above his

head.

And he's like, I'll just like wearing it like this.

She's like, interesting.

So people are doing stuff and getting ready for dinner and Kizzy and Nathan, you know, Kizzy

has got a fan in her face and she

asks if there's a whole language with the fans and she makes a joke that holding the fan in front of your

Vijay.

I was like, what is perjur?

Means.

Come to my bedroom.

And he's like, but don't you have a boyfriend?

And she goes like, oh, I'm going to punch you in the face.

So they're flirtation.

So she'll love the table.

She's like, oh, I love this table.

V must have done it.

Where's V?

She's getting an award.

So now it's time for Sandy.

Sandy's on FaceTime with BB.

Hi there, Little Bear.

Oh, look at you, BB.

Look at you.

Look at Little Bear, BB.

That's her dog, Little Bear.

And Captain Sandy's like, I miss him.

And so we see Little Bear.

And she's like, today was crazy.

He's like, oh, well, you look beautiful, baby.

I'm sorry.

I was talking to Little Bear.

Could you put Little Bear back on the phone?

Okay.

Hey, Little Bear, this day was crazy.

Gosh, I wish I was there to watch you lick your nuts.

Get over it.

That was really cool.

Little Bear's like,

so

hey, hey, Mama Bear.

So I have a, I, I have a little bit of an issue because here I thought I was a little bear and I finally saw myself in the mirror.

I'm actually a dog.

So how do you reconcile the fact that you name me a bear when I'm really a dog?

Do you know what that does to a little dog's mind?

Do you know what sort of warped sense of self I have?

Woof woof.

I'm really not happy about this.

Put your mother back on the phone.

I don't know how to deal with this.

Okay.

Hi, baby.

Hey, baby.

Little bear's been acting up.

I'm having some sort of identity issues.

Just tell little bear he's a little fish.

Just start calling him little fish.

Surely that'll fix everything.

Okay, little fish, you want dinner

seems okay with it i think we fooled him again love you baby love you baby i'm a good man gorgeous baby

So um, now it's time for the deck team to lift the tender out of the water.

So, this is a process where Max is on it, and then there's a hook going down, and Nathan's got that like cigarette tray, but that's actually like a remote control thing.

And

everyone's confused because they're all idiots.

and nathan's like tasa pasta painter to have

got it over there what max what you do what you doing

and max is getting like all mad so they have to he has to basically say like all right max let's start over all right take five because max gets angry and he like speeds the the the tender away from the boat to be like

i'm mad i'm mad max beyond thunderdome

He's like, no, Christian, you need to pull the, keep the boat even at all times there.

You're swinging the boat.

You're swinging the boat.

Oh, God, we're going to go back down again.

Max, unhooked yourself, Max.

Oh, my God.

What do I, we're all going to die we're all gonna die then he speeds off and gets all pissed off and he's like max i can't have you getting emotional when we're doing crane crane needs some very calm calm hands crane hands we call them we need you to have crane hands little bear he's like i'm not a bear okay well it worked for captain sandy's dog

all right uh you can't be emotional he's like it is not emotion mate it's like but you can't throw your hands up listen to me now I just need to get a really terrible haircut.

Just deal with what comes to you one day at a time.

Sometimes if you get mad, just take it out on your hair.

All right.

The crane.

The crane is the most dangerous thing and you need to be calm around the crane.

I can't help it.

I have a thing for Daphne.

No, not the Fraser crane.

The boat crane.

We need you to be calm as much as possible.

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I commend Nathan because he actually is,

as his team, like especially as Max is like losing his mind and everyone's incompetent, like Nathan is very

like, he keeps his cool and he keeps like calm.

And I have to say, that's like very impressive because I would be saying so many passive aggressive things and rolling my eyes and be so pissy at that point.

I mean, I don't know that it's really working.

I have to say, I don't know that that approach is really working, but it is nice to see someone able to stay calm, but your team still doesn't know what they're doing.

And it doesn't, whatever you're doing now doesn't seem to be scaring them.

I I can see why guys in military training are like, get down on your, get down, give me 20, fatty.

You're ugly.

Your mama never liked you.

That's why you're going to do what I'm saying.

You want to be the fattest kid in class.

You know, I can see why they're like that because you do it.

You know, when someone's just standing there like, you know, I just need a little anger from you.

I don't think it works.

Well, I do think he needs to give them a stern talking to.

But I do think that like in a moment of where everyone's like losing their minds and being chaotic, I thought it was like really cool that he was like just

like centered.

But that being said, it's time for him to start scolding.

Now, once everyone, like,

get your goddamn fingers out of your goddamn ears.

I've known peanut butter sandwiches smarter than you, you twit.

Now, get down and give me 20.

Yeah, but I think if he does that in that moment, then Tessa just goes into the, I'm just not being led.

That's like, oh, like, what am I even supposed to do?

But, like, I think, like, for a deck team meeting, he's got to be like, now listen up, everyone.

It's like that, uh, it's like that movie with this, that, that, that book with the substitute.

The teacher can't control her class.

So

she has a quote-unquote sick day, and then she comes in and drag.

And she's like an old bitch.

And she yells at her students and gets them in line.

They don't realize it's the same teacher all along.

What movie is that?

That sounds great.

It's actually just, they're turning it into a movie.

It's a famous children's book.

It's like

Mrs.

Wembley's Day Off or something.

It's classic.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's great.

It's good to me.

So Nathan knows it's not fair to put all this work on Max when the others are incompetent.

But if Max can't handle it, he's really fucked because Max is the only one who kind of knows what he's doing.

Ms.

Nelson.

So Max is like, okay,

can we speak?

Can you speak?

And Nathan's like, okay, we'll have an argument.

Yeah, if that's what you want.

Because Max is getting all upset because he's gotten to talking to.

So now Jax is Jack, not Jax, Jack is watching all of this, you know, eating his ice cream with only vanilla and no chocolate, and he's loving it.

And he's got his big fan hiding his face.

He's like, oh my God, do you see this?

The boys are in trouble.

The boys are in trouble.

Yeah, he's definitely enjoying all of this.

So now,

you know,

Nathan's going to pull Max for a talk on the bow later.

So now, the girls,

this girl, Katarina, this is one of my favorite moments of dialogue.

I'll try to recapture it.

So she basically is like, oh my God, I think that my my mother should be happy because the worst thing i ever did was fraud they're like fraud fraud

what sort of fraud did you do oh i said it was her her

why'll you do that because i was trying to steal her money i was just trying to steal money from her But I was trying to pretend to be my mom, stick money at the bank.

It's no big deal.

So it's only fraud.

She defrauded her own mom by stealing her identity.

So Aisha comes out and Jack's like, where's Big Dog Sandy?

Aisha, do you ever call her sandals?

I'm just like, literally not once in my life have I said that.

Sandals.

That was funny to me.

Sandals.

Do you ever call Captain Sandy sandals?

Well, it is one of my favorite pieces of footwear.

It goes particularly well with my Capri pants, but no one's actually ever called me that, unfortunately.

You know, if someone were ever going to call me out on my favorite shoe, I would hope they'd just call me, you know, Nurse Blacks.

Because, God, I love those.

The little rubbery sound they make as you walk across the floor.

No one messes with you.

And I'll tell you, you can stand on your feet for hours with those things.

Well, you know, I do, you know, from like 2013 to 2017, I would have really liked being called Espadrille.

But, you know, that time in my life is over.

I'd like to think if I ever went to school, I'd be at Dr.

Schultz.

So,

So then Nathan's telling Max, you basically just stay calm.

The crane is really dangerous.

Stay calm.

He's like, I know, but they are pissing me off.

He's like, I know, but

stay calm.

Look, you and I are doing 50-50.

You're doing 50 and I'm doing 50.

Okay.

It'll get sorted.

But stay calm.

I am calm.

Me.

Not calm.

I am calm.

So now Josh is getting ready to serve dinner.

So we get a clown monologue.

He's like, there's so many similarities between music and cooking.

It's insane.

Like a good song has really memorable stuff.

and a great memorable riff.

And a great dish has a memorable flavor combination.

And a great song gives you feelings of nostalgia.

And a great dish will take you back home.

If a dish is like a song, then an eight-course meal is like a concert.

Oh, please, you're like the Pentatonics with 90 fucking things playing at once after this meal.

I can't believe anybody

could even eat this.

It was too much.

This was like serving a main court.

This is like serving eight main courses to people.

This isn't what it's supposed to be doing.

It's a tasting menu, sir.

Yeah, I agree.

First of all, also, his metaphor was really,

it was a real stretch.

Saying like, food is like music.

That's a fine premise.

But then he's like, a good song, like a really good song is really good.

And really good food is really good.

It's like, okay, that's not, you know, that doesn't make sense.

However, you know, like the concert, okay, fine.

If dish is like a song, a course meal is like a concert, fine.

And I realize I've gotten way too invested in his metaphor here, but I agree.

Getting back to what you were saying.

So it starts with a white gazpacho.

Fine.

That's a nice opener.

Okay, so it's a gazpacho.

And then

I don't remember what's oh, next, the next thing he goes right into is like, is that like lobster or Langosteens?

It's like, that's a big second course.

Like, shouldn't it be the progression, be like a soup?

like a small something leafy or green or light and you just sort of get bigger and bigger and bigger he starts off second course with with lobster.

At one point, he does those Wagyu tacos, which really upset me because first of all, you're kind of like taking away the entire point of having Wagyu in the first place.

If you're sort of grinding it up and putting it into a taco, like the point of a Wagyu is that you have a piece of it and you cut into it and it's like butter.

So having it just all ground up does nothing.

But it was also a big, indelicate taco.

And then he followed that up with like sea bass.

I'm like, wait a second.

So you went from the meat and you went back to the fish.

I didn't understand what was going on here.

Yeah, it was like fish, fish, big, and big portions, like huge dinner-sized portions of everything.

And then a huge soft shell crab.

And then, you know, it's just too much.

It was too much.

I don't know how they ate all that stuff.

And Jack, meanwhile, his conversation, he's like,

once we went to Paris and we spent 10,000 euros on lunch for three people.

Mama's still calling me about it.

Don't answer her, slag.

Like God cat are eating that.

Damn.

I like, he said, he said, not only did he say that they spent 10,000 on three people, he goes, he goes, which is a lot for three people.

I'm like, it's a lot for 10 people.

Like, that's

a lot.

Congratulations.

You have a rich daddy, Jack.

We're extremely impressed.

So now we go to the cabins where V's knocking off and she's talking to Tessa.

And Tessa's like, dude, it is so stupid on deck.

No one knows what they're doing.

It's just shit.

I mean, fingers crossed, this shit changes because it is just terrible.

And V's, you know, pretty positive.

So she's like, oh, okay well I'm not gonna say anything about that because I believe in positivity okay

and so

Tessa's like Nathan's not delegating it's not just us we you know we're not just a problem but it's like something's bullshit and I'm not the type of person to keep my mouth shut or or gas filled in tanks you know because growing up when I was five years old I told my classmates there was no Santa and they're like you're lying you're lying but obviously I have to say if it's bullshit it's bullshit those little fuckers

you are not you are not ruining everyone's lives.

You're not taking away everyone's innocence because you were calling out bullshit.

You were doing it because you were a little terror.

That's odd.

You were the obnoxious bratty girl.

We all know

you kicked adults' shins.

You had meltdowns in the Starbucks when you didn't get a cake pop.

You were a terror.

That's what you were.

You were not like on some crusade to call out bullshit.

You weren't like, you know what?

I'm sick and tired of this bullshit.

Cause by the way, no one thinks that Santa, no one thinks that telling Santa kids that Santa is real is bullshit.

No one's like, look at this bullshit.

Con.

They're spreading to the youth of the world.

No, we're going to fight.

We're going to get rid of this disinformation.

You're just a snot.

Yeah, you're just a little asshole.

So now Max is doing a handstand.

Okay.

And dinner's still going.

Now there's a roast chicken.

Which is fucking crazy.

Then there are the beef tacos that look like chili, like you mentioned it.

And now Kizzy's doing dishes and talking to Max and Christian.

And Max is like, I'm so in love.

Since the beginning, I saw your eyes cross mine.

And I was like, ooh, ooh, wow, ooh, la-la.

And Kizzy's like, oh, Tom's going to punch you in the face.

Oh, no problem.

I love sparring.

I love sparring.

So Christian's asking how long they've been together.

And she says, like two months.

And she tells us, love is 100% percent my drug of choice I've been in a relationship for pretty much like my entire life when I was 18 to 21 I was in a relationship and it broke up with one boyfriend and I had maybe four days where I was single and I'm in another relationship for another two years and I probably have a deep-rooted fear of being by myself I'm like that does not mean that you are addicted to love that means you are have

probably deep psychological issues where you are afraid that you can't exist without the attention of a male so um yeah I think you should maybe get that sorted out a little bit.

But also two months, that's not your boyfriend.

Like, can we stop?

Yeah.

It's two months.

And Christian's like, wow, imagine you pregnant.

And Max is like, is that true?

She's like, I bet you stop chit-chatting and get washing boys.

So then now they're at the end of this huge dinner.

We've just seen all this food go out.

It was way too much food.

It was a crazy amount of food.

And Jack can't finish his creme brulee, which is also a pretty basic end end to the meal.

I have that is very, it was also like just a basic creme brulee, like nothing funky or special looking about it.

Yeah, so Jack's like, but I'm going to be hungry.

Can you make me a Sichuan chicken?

And everyone's staring at him.

They're like, come on, Jack.

You don't need to make him do that.

And

the chef is just looking at him like, are you kidding me?

And he's like, no,

no, I really want a Sichuan chicken.

Yeah.

So he's like,

oh, wow.

No, there's still more.

There's

nothing.

I thought that was the end.

Wow.

Jesus.

No, no.

No, the meal continues on.

He's already on about his

Sichuan chicken.

So, yeah.

He's already talking about it.

Yeah.

Yeah, we're only at, we're only in, we're only in the black cod course.

And by the way, Max is eating stuff out of the kitchen again, infuriating me.

And we have black miso cod, which for some reason comes after the chicken

and the tacos and everything.

And then they have like a pistachio ashram with a caviar bump, which that's fine.

That's like what these guests would want, etc.

But then it's weird that he doesn't have that as the grand finale.

He has a grand finale of creme brulee.

Like, that doesn't, I don't, I don't get it at all.

Yeah.

So he gets applause.

They all loved it.

And so this is where Jack is like, I want chicken.

And Josh is shocked.

And they're like, come on, you don't need that, Jack.

And it's like, but I do.

I need chicken.

All right.

And Josh is like, I'm sorry.

What?

The concert's over.

Everybody's walking to their cars.

I'm not playing you another fucking song.

Yeah.

And then he says, and he's like, he's like, Jack, you realized that was eight courses.

And it's actually 1 a.m.

I didn't even realize it was 1 a.m.

at this point.

Until right now, at this moment, I thought it was like 10.30.

So it's 1 a.m.

The guy's exhausted.

And so the fact that Jack is saying that he wants Sasha on chicken at 2 a.m.

when it's 1 a.m.

right now, I didn't realize it was that close to it.

I thought this was like 10, it could be four hours, whatever.

So

basically, Josh looks at Aisha and goes, I don't know what to do here, which I kind of felt like you just say, Let me go look into it and just go downstairs and then go to sleep and let Aisha cover for you.

I don't think like you should be saying that in front of the guests.

She's like, Well, he does need to sleep.

So if you could just think of something that will only take 10 minutes and he goes, Okay, what's real quick?

She's like, Well,

she tells us, We always say never say no, that we're seven-star service and we'll do anything.

But if you look at the teeny tiny teeny tiny print at the bottom it says within reason you stupid motherfucker so the answer is no mommy's boy you don't get a motherfucking sichuan chicken

they're like well what about some chips french fries and they're like oh okay

so then jack I mean, Josh has to go downstairs and make french fries.

And

then

Nathan Nathan is down there talking to Kizzy.

And he's like, How are you getting on?

And Kizzy's like, I'm having a good time.

We've got a good team.

Better than you think, you know,

better than you, I think.

And

basically, she just casually mentions, by the way, you know that V has quite a lot of experience on deck.

I was like, oh, little underminer.

Yeah.

Little, little underminer.

In fact, you might want to take V so one of us can win some awards.

That would be nice.

So then we cut to Jack being a drunk moron and getting his fries.

And

so then

he's not even that hungry anymore when he gets to the point.

No, of course not.

It's all about power.

And I'm surprised he didn't have a little fit that he just got smacked down in front of his friends and didn't get what he asked for.

So now Nathan's going to bed and he's like, Christian, whatever you do, do not let the guests swim.

And he's like, oh, because they're drinking.

And he's like, but also because of the condition of the water.

And also it's below deck and you can't let people go swim at night without supervision.

you moron yeah

so uh kizzy and josh are talking and uh josh is like you know what my problem is once i've set like a bar i find it's really hard to get any lower

last time we checked you were in clown makeup so i think there's a lot of room to go higher though yeah uh so then kizzy brings

kizzy

She's just trying so hard.

And she really doesn't have that many biters.

And I think it's because the show, they're just so tired.

So they're like, whatever, whatever, Kizzy, you know?

Yeah, she has no biters, but she, and the thing is that she's trying so hard to get a bite solely that way, she can say, oh, I'm taken.

Sorry.

So now the guests are in the jacuzzi.

They're just not going to put that much effort.

I think she wants to start a little drama between the guys.

And they're like, we're not fighting over something that's free.

You know?

Yeah.

Like, you're not fighting over the last free sample is what I'm saying.

We're not fighting over second place in the interior wars, Kizzy.

You're no V.

So Kizzy brings the, the guests are in the jacuzzi.

They're drunk.

They're being silly.

They're, they're whatever, flopping around.

And Jack's like, can we go in the ocean?

And Kizzy's like, no, I'm afraid not because there's not enough deck team down there.

And they're like, well, like, can you wake them up then?

And so she's like, oh, okay.

So she radios.

Nathan and Nathan's like, no, no, under no condition.

Like they, they cannot go out there.

Like they cannot under any

condition go out to the ocean so she tells them she goes you can't go out there you're going to be dragged away by the condition and jack's just rolling his eyes like i'm conning mummy so then um everybody goes to bed but kizzy and christian and so christian goes pardon me to check on them and jack's about to fall over and his friends look really worried but they're not going to say anything because he's probably paying for this whole thing And so Christian comes over and he's like, listen, I don't want to have to jump in and save you.

You saw how I am on Wave Runners.

Okay, buddy.

So he's like, please, can i go in please i just want to feel it so christian's like put your toes in you can just put your feet in

and uh he's like but i want to feel nemo i want to feel the fish and nemo under me

so well okay it's like well why don't you come on down you can put your feet in and it's like i promised i'll only put my feet in it's like okay it's like this guy has been so annoying and the only way to shut him up is to give him whatever the fuck he wants

No, like if you were flying your plane and a passenger was like, I want to sit in the captain's chair.

You wouldn't be like, Well,

he's persistent.

I guess I'll let him sit in the captain's chair.

You just say, No, you just say, like, call Captain Lee, he'll do it.

Yeah, you want to get in the goddamn water, you can swim back to Peru, motherfucker.

Right, or or call Captain Carrie.

Captain Carrie, like, all right, well, before you go down to the dock, let me just show you something in this room.

It's something really exquisite and close the door on you.

You're trapped in a room.

Yeah, Democrats,

Democrats,

let me out of this room.

Democrats have trapped me in the room.

So there's a monitor.

Okay.

And Nathan, luckily, doesn't have water.

So he goes up to get some water and he sees Jack on the, well, we see Jack on the platform and he's not wearing a life vest.

And he just jumps in, basically.

He's like,

look, I'm just going to put my feet in.

But then he falls into the water on the platform.

He's like a weird.

Yeah, it's like a weird, like, is it a jump in or not?

He sort of like plops down on his butt and then then he goes into the water.

It's like a I don't know if he fell.

I don't I don't know what happened, but he basically winds up in the water and it's like, oh, and for some reason Christian is like pouring a hose in the water.

Was he trying to like

I don't know.

I don't know what he's know why you water the water, but he was doing it.

So Jack's, Jack is like, oh, it's so relaxing.

And Christian's just watching him, not telling him to get out.

So Nathan comes and sees this.

And so Jack finally gets out onto the swim platform and Christian's just squirting him with the hose, still saying nothing.

So Nathan tells him, yeah, don't let him go to the swim platform when they've been drinking.

He's like, no.

And Christian's like, no, no, just the feet.

Just the feet.

He's like, no.

And

Nathan's like, all right, look, we have to go.

I can't have you down here.

You know, helps him up and gets him inside.

That's how you do it.

You just fucking say no.

Just say no.

Just say no.

No.

That's the end.

And if they insist, then you kick them off.

And then the first thing that happened,

they get back up to the hot top.

It's like, where's the Sichuan chicken?

That's what I actually generally would feel like, right?

No, his frosts were good, but they just weren't quite enough.

Like, I want Sichuan chicken.

God, he's so insufferable.

God.

It's the worst.

Just let him drown.

Throw him back in there and just keep the boat going.

Yeah, honestly, sometimes you just got to let nature play out.

Okay.

I'm not saying murder the guy, but don't let him murder himself.

Just go.

But don't encourage him on a path where life will be a higher percentage, you know?

Yeah.

So stop saving the stupid people.

So Christian's like, bro, I've told him many times.

He's like, I said, yeah, it's dangerous, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And Nathan's like, but under no circumstances, like, whatever, whatever.

So Christian's telling us, look, he's the primary.

He wants to put his feet in the water.

Then do it.

This guy just has.

Such low, low standards for anything.

And nothing happened.

Nathan's like, this has gone from being incompetent to being dangerous.

And he's like, well, nothing happened.

So it's fine, right?

And yeah, that's not, that's not the case.

He's going to go to Captain Sandy Buddy.

So then 6 a.m.

the next morning, everybody's doing their work, work, work.

And Nathan is telling Max, he's like, yeah, so I told Christian, under no circumstances, let the guests go in the water.

And drunk as fuck, the guests are in the water.

So yeah, I had to go out there.

He's like, no way, man.

God damn it.

He's like smashing a wavefront here against the water.

It's like, no, no, come, bro.

Come.

Calm.

Yeah.

So Captain Sandy's checking on everything and

V is telling her that things are good and everyone's eating breakfast and H is like, so Captain Sandy, what are you getting?

Are you getting a boat?

She's like, oh yeah, I want to get a, I want to get a 50-footer boat.

I'm going to call it.

Large-size bear.

I can't wait.

SS large-size bear.

And V is saying how they're just talking about like boats and everything and talking about like how V is talking about how her experience working on day charters and they're kind of bonding on that.

And V is talking about all the lines that she's done, all the lines.

So many lines.

She's like, yeah, it's so hard to find docking space in Fort Lauderdale.

Oh my God.

Crazy, right?

So hard to do lines there.

And I'm great at lines.

Just so many lines.

Captain Sandy's like, wait a second.

I think I have an idea.

It's not fully formed yet.

I'll have to wait another episode.

Yeah, well, you know, that is busy.

And when you do day charters, you're like on and off the docks.

You got to be good with lines.

I'm so good with lines.

Yes.

I'm going to marry a line.

I'm marrying a line.

It's like, oh my God, I don't know what I'm thinking yet, but sure.

God, I would love to just be taken off this job and put on the deck so I can deal with lines.

I love lines.

I'm a line addict.

Starting to get an idea here.

Starting to get an idea.

I can't quite put my finger on it.

You know, who else likes lines?

I'm sure those guests.

So, Asha, it's time for everyone.

I'm not, it's time for breakfast and or whatever.

And Asha's saying hi to everyone.

And

basically Christian is talking with V and they're flirting and talking about how like, you know, tanning and being the same.

It's just kind of natural.

Yeah.

And how Christian's saying, oh, God, would you feel proud of our heritage?

Like, let's talk about like how she says her mom would be or her dad would be so happy if she went up with like a Latino guy, et cetera.

Yeah.

So she's like, yeah, Christian has one of the best smiles I've ever seen.

It's like a line that's in the shape of a smile.

And like, I've, I've gone on a few dates since Bond passed, but I don't think there's ever a time when you're ready.

And that's when I prefer to just throw myself into lines.

So Christian's like, yeah, we also have Latino asses, huh?

Right.

And she's like, okay, sure.

She says, my parents would be so happy if I brought home a Hispanic guy.

It's like, well, we don't need to spray tan.

We don't need anything.

You just need to have two Latino parents.

She's like, okay.

All right.

Yes.

We are Latino.

Thank you for pointing that out.

Like, okay.

Thank you.

So Jack asks Asha for some help to pack up his luggage.

And in case you didn't remember from last episode, he brought on seven giant pieces of luggage for two days.

And of course, he spread everything everywhere.

So V is going to be put on that task.

Yeah, so it's a big cluster fucking there.

Tessa is snoring in her cabin while everybody's looking for her.

So Nathan goes to talk to the cabin and Asha is talking to V about packing up for Jack.

So

meanwhile,

let's see, V goes into the, so it's just a packing nightmare.

Okay, so Nathan and Sandy, let's go to that.

So he's like, long night, cap, long night.

One of the guests was drunk.

I told Christian.

No circumstances go into the water.

They go into the water.

She's like, right.

Right.

You know what?

An idea is forming here.

I'm just not sure what it is.

And I was thinking, wouldn't it be great if we had V down there?

She knows a lot about lines.

You know, I just don't, don't say that because there's an idea coming to me.

I just can't be sure what it is.

Is something to do with Valentine's?

Is it Valentine's?

No.

Victory.

Victory.

Valhalla.

Valhalla.

I can't think of it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I wish there was someone on this boat that we could just plug in right at the last second to take over, but can't quite connect those dots just yet.

Let's just, let's just think about this for a little bit.

Okay, like, you know what?

Let's dock the boat and then we'll figure it out because nothing will go wrong with the docking.

okay?

Yeah, surely, surely with a crew that doesn't know what they're doing, the docking's gonna go great.

You know, I mean, look, on one hand, the guest went into the water when he wasn't supposed to.

That's bad, that's dangerous.

On the other hand, we could have rid the world of Jack.

So

I don't know where I stand on that, really.

We could have done a good thing there, we just didn't follow through.

You know what we need to work on?

Follow through.

Follow through.

You're gonna get back to you.

This is a

hmm.

I'm close to something here.

Let's just like, let's just work on it.

Let's let it like, let's let it marinate a little bit.

So the guests are having breakfast and they receive eggs.

And someone's like, these eggs are really yellow, which I don't think anyone's ever complained about before.

Usually people like that.

And so someone's like, oh, they probably aren't even free range.

I'm like, you need to be.

free range.

I know.

I'm more of this coming up, but it wasn't there.

But like, I put, you need to be put in the cage because you guys are too free range.

There we go.

Moving on.

So

V is like, yeah, Katarina came to pack her stuff, but I had already done it.

I got it, girl.

And they just like, oh my God.

You know, it's like a backhand compliment, but I'm just surprised how quickly V's been learning.

It's amazing, V.

Let's have it.

Let's have a whole montage of our amazing shares.

I would like to

present a Lifetime Achievement Award for V.

I've never seen anybody as good as V.

Is it chat GPT or chat GPV?

So, Nathan and Max.

Nathan's gonna get a coffee, but he's like, get the lines ready for docking.

So, Max is like, so how was the midnight gets swinged with the guests?

You stupid.

He's like, oh my God, this guy, man.

Wow.

Wow.

so breakfast everybody has their breakfast um

nathan wakes tess up to get on deck and uh like she's not late she's totally late by the way and she's just muttering to herself i don't want to be here i don't want to be here

i want to be with the boys back at the firm i want to be riding a combine with coal

So

Max is talking about, he's making comments about going to the gym and whatever.

And

Christian just can't stand it.

cannot stand Max and anything that he says.

So, um, Kizzy is FaceTiming Tommy, which is about as interesting as that sounds.

And um, she's like, You know, I really like Tom, but being on this boat has made me confused about being in a relationship.

I'm sort of trying to unpack myself and my needs.

Oh, good, because V can pack you back up.

She's doing such a good job with the package.

V's actually already packed up your needs, you don't even have to worry about it anymore.

So now lines are coming in and Max is like, bro, uncoil this uncoil and recoil.

And Christian's like, why?

And he goes, because there's the problem.

And Christian's like, but we're going to uncoil it anyway.

He's like, just do it.

Just do it.

And yeah, Christian's, that's just the worst.

Why do you only have to pick one to fire?

Just fire them both.

I think fire every single person.

Christian's like, oh man, shut the fuck up.

Every day is the same thing telling me what to do non-stop.

It's just Max, I got a present for you.

And he gives him like a middle finger in the confessional.

And because I can't tell if Max is on a power trip right now or if something genuinely needs to be done, it's hard to say because he is someone who loves the power trip.

So they're being dysfunctional.

And then

Asia asks Kizzy to do the laundry.

And Kizzy's like, but where's V?

This is her third stew kind of thing to do.

And Asha's like, oh, V has been packing for the last two hours because she's so good.

She did it so quickly.

She's really one of the best years i've ever encountered

so then max and nathan are on the deck with tess and christian and uh nathan asks tessa how she is and he's like you know um okay well you two on the stern with me the two crossover lines we're going to put heaving lines on them it's so they're easier to throw so he's like oh jesus the first talking she said she couldn't do lines and you know, it's not like you're throwing to Pluto,

but, you know,

fond of Pluto.

But basically, he like gives her the achieving lines to crossover lines in the swim platform.

He's trying to make it easier for her.

And she's still like, what?

This is hard.

Yeah.

He basically has put, I guess it's like a light line that's easy to throw, but there's like a little weight at the end of it.

I don't know.

And I guess there's some sort of knot.

I don't know if the knot is the weight or whatever it is, but there's a knot that's important.

And now when they are coming in, they have to throw their lines across each other.

And she basically can't throw it all the way across, and her knot comes undone.

And I don't really truly understand what's going on, but I just know enough to know that she failed.

Yeah, she sucks.

Um,

so let's see.

And she's slow.

She's like, He's like, Faster, Tessa, faster.

Tessa, I need to be a little faster.

Faster, Tessa, faster, faster, faster, Tessa.

Come on, Tessa, faster.

Yeah, and meanwhile, no one is communicating with Sandy.

And she's like, I don't, I need to know what's going on back there.

What is going on back there?

What is going on back there?

And then the rope wasn't even tied tight, so it comes undone.

And Tess is like, sorry.

Well, I just wish I was taught right.

Mr.

Kir, you're fucking serious.

What's going on back there?

What is going on back there?

I get more communication from Lil Bear, and he's a fish.

So

Max is, Max.

Christian has done his heaving line duty, so he goes up to help Max.

And then they start fighting about who knows what.

Like, you got to pull more, pull more, pull more, pull more.

Why are you going?

I'm pulling more.

I just say, you want to say that to my face?

Oh, fuck you.

They're fighting.

Captain Sandy's like, oh my God.

Hey, Nathan, you might want to go check on the bow.

Bow, sort of like the way I checked on my bow wow.

Little bear, that is, now known as little fish.

Little bow wow, our bear that we have in our backyard.

He's pretty cute.

Little dog.

That's what we call our bear.

Little bow wow for short.

So Max and Christian are fucking each other.

And Nathan goes to check on them.

He's like, no arguments.

Let's be professional.

So now he's trying to coach these guys about how to tie ropes and stuff.

And meanwhile, Kizzy goes to check on V, and V is like sitting there and just like still covered in the confetti that Aisha threw all over her for getting the packing done.

And now it's time for guest departure.

So everybody hugs by and Jack's like, hello, love you guys.

Only thing I love more than you, Sichuan chicken.

I'm all right.

Yes, I'm the Sichuan chicken guy, everybody.

So, yeah,

they give a tip.

It's like an 18th.

Well, actually, we don't find out just yet, but they give the tip.

They leave.

Everyone's happy.

And then everyone's changing.

And Nathan asks if Kizzy has a BBL.

I didn't personally notice Kizzy having a noteworthy hindquarters.

I am looking at her.

What is this?

The 80s?

Nathan's like, oh, do you have a BBL?

What's that mean?

Baby bum lift or something.

She's like, Brazilian.

Brazilian butt lift.

Brazilian butt lift.

Bloody bamboo bitch.

He's like, oh, wow, baby bumblefed.

Wow.

It's wild.

So, okay.

Charter number two, everybody.

The good news is interior, you killed it, especially U, V.

Hey, V, give me my favorite line.

Line, exactly.

God, I love when you say line.

Says it a lot.

It's good.

It's her catchphrase, guys.

Okay.

So, H, give me a five, a high five.

Okay.

Yeah.

Deck.

God, you guys are fucking terrible.

You suck.

Jeez.

You suck and you have stupid hair, too.

Sorry.

Sorry there, girl.

One.

I don't know your name yet.

But the rest of you, okay.

You know, we got 18,000 euros.

That's $20,000.

So that's pretty good.

You know, that's about 10,000 pairs of caprice.

Okay.

So everybody per person that's something or other, I don't know.

I'm not here for my math.

I'm here for my hairstyle.

Okay.

So everybody, let's turn it around.

Okay.

Turn that beat around.

Okay.

People love that one.

All right.

Go do it.

Isn't that tip about 10,000 euros less less than the Bitcoin bros?

Yeah.

The Bitcoin Bros gave 30,000.

So

these people are cheap.

These people are cheap.

I think 25,000 is what you are looking for for like a nice or standard tip.

I think 20,000 is on the low end.

But they're not doing that, Sachuan chicken.

So yeah,

sorry.

So

cleaning, cleaning, cleaning, and

everyone is cleaning.

And Tessa is mad about something.

She's like, this is fucked.

She's always always mad about something.

So Aisha is telling her team that she's just so proud of them and wants them to keep going up and up and up.

And Josh is going to go sleep.

But now finally, Captain Sandy and Nathan, time to have another powwow.

So Sandy's like, so

how are you feeling about your deck crew?

Has anyone earned a Capri pant?

You know, were they still at ankle length?

How far have they grown?

And Nathan's like, well,

Josh comes in juggling fucking steaks.

Not you.

Get out of here.

Circus on steroids on a multi-million dollar yacht.

And Captain Sandy goes, that's totally chaos.

I don't really want to say that, but it is totally chaos.

Kind of like Norma's hair when she goes out on a date.

Am I right?

I don't want anyone's spirit except Norma's.

Okay, you want to talk about how bad Norma looks like in a bathing suit?

Go ahead.

Give me your opinion.

He's like, no, that's pretty unprofessional.

Yeah, well, okay.

Well, the point is, you know, tell me your side of the story.

He's like, my side of the story is you hired a bunch of fucking idiots.

Did you even read the resume?

It's probably on his inside dots, but his side is they suck.

Like, what the fuck do you want from me?

You know, he's like, this one's crazy.

Max is crazy.

And then the other two are just terrible.

You know, she's like, okay, well, here's what you're going to do because you're a leader now.

Fire one person.

You only get to keep one.

It's like Sophie's choice.

No, Sophie didn't want to kill both of her children.

No, they I fire them both.

You know what my favorite reality, you know what my favorite reality trope is, is when there's like a competition and people do really badly.

Like on Project Runway, they'll do this once in a while.

They'll be like, I'm sorry, Peter, I'm sorry.

You're out.

And then the other person gasps like, oh, few.

And also

Johan?

Yeah.

You're out too.

And you're like, yeah.

Oh, that's what she meant when they were, when they're like, you're not safe either.

You have to sew it out.

Now we are giving you garbage bags, tape and saucers, and a squirrel.

Make a ball can in five minutes.

I think Captain Jason did this to Vion last season on down under, right?

Because

he fired Johnny.

And then I don't remember it was in the same session, but it was definitely the same episode.

But I love it when it's like, and you're out too.

Oh, I love that.

Yeah.

I'm hoping that.

That's what they need to do here.

They need a good double firing.

Just start over.

You know, get noobs.

Get noobs.

Let's do that.

Well, they have to because...

Well, we know someone's getting fired because obviously because they said it.

And also, Gail's going to clearly come back

but um but gail's not gonna come back before nathan and kizzy uh make out i feel like so we'll see how that goes

all right everybody thanks so much for being with us on below deck med day we will be back tomorrow with salt lake city and also bravo wife swap which is a new one for yale brav so we'll be checking that out so join us for that if you want to join us on patreon you'll get all of our video recaps and our bonuses so do that and we will see you Monday for Amazon Live at 4 p.m.

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Thanks, everybody.

We'll talk to you next time.

Bye.

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