#3067 Wife Swap The Real Housewives Edition S1E3: Pig of Snarkasm

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Speaker 1 Hello there and welcome to Watch What Crappens. I'm Ronnie and that's Ben.
Hello, Ben. Hello.

Speaker 2 Hello, Rondola. How are you?

Speaker 1 Good. Today is a great day.
It's finally the episode we've all been waiting for of Wife Swap the Emily Simpson Apple Zone.

Speaker 1 I know we're all dying to see some more emily on our televisions and guess what the good lord delivered emily coming around the corner just entertaining as hell today on bravo so congratulations on all the great work you did emily simpson everybody for a round of applause icon icon an icon an icon of the housewivery arts

Speaker 1 yeah we're going to get into that but before we do uh monday is amazon live that's at 4 p.m pacific time on amazon okay you can watch that on your tvs on your Amazon Prime app, or you can come find the links at our Instagram link and bio and come talk to us over there.

Speaker 1 We always have a good time reading your comments, talking about what we're shopping for, etc.

Speaker 1 So join us for that. And we are also going to be having a meetup at BravoCon.
We're not sure of the date or the time, but if you're going to be at BravoCon, it's going to be a free event.

Speaker 1 We just want to meet you guys and hang out with you and party with you a little bit. So just check our socials for that.
We'll announce it probably the day of that we do it in BravoCon.

Speaker 1 So keep your eyes out. It won't be a lot of notice.
Just know it's going to happen and you are coming.

Speaker 2 Okay. Yeah, it's going to be good.
We're going to talk to some people that should be fun.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's going to be fun.

Speaker 1 Also, we have a two episodes left, a two episodes. We have a two episode left of dwell hello before it is dead and buried for a while.
So come on over and give us some suggestions.

Speaker 1 Watch what crappens at gmail.com. Title your email subject header, dwell hello suggestion, and make sure it's on HBO Max or YouTube TV.
You guys, we want the craziest house hunters you've ever seen.

Speaker 1 We don't want to end on some boring ass thing. So send us the funniest, craziest ones.

Speaker 1 We've liked swingers, we've liked nudists, we've liked, you know, the guy who was the young gay guy who was trying to live in Monaco, but couldn't afford it.

Speaker 1 So he was, you know, living across the bridge. We love that crazy shit.
So send us all your best ones there and we will recap them the next two weeks. Okay.

Speaker 2 Also, you know, I have to say, I'm going to put in a special request. I always love a mother-daughter episode.
Those always crack me up. So anything with mothers and daughters will...

Speaker 1 Specifically a mother who hates her daughter.

Speaker 2 Specifically. Yeah.
A mother who disapproves of her daughter's choices and

Speaker 2 the daughter who is rebelling against her mother, but somehow they're trying to keep it all in together because they're on TV on and looking at houses.

Speaker 2 Like that is really a, there was one that took place in Alabama. that we did that I still remember to this day that was just so wonderful.
So, yeah.

Speaker 1 speaking of, let's talk about wife swap, where Emily's daughter clearly hates every mother figure in her life. Oh, Annabelle, and Emily hates her own mother.
So, let's go check it out.

Speaker 1 It's wife swap season one, episode three: Daddy Duties and Daddy Don'ts. Oh,

Speaker 2 tell you, that that's a that might be a play on words because there's a lot of duty in this episode.

Speaker 1 So, we started taco in my pocket and another taco coming out downtown.

Speaker 1 I'm angry, but I'm Emily. I'm in Orange County, but I'm from Ohio.
I'm a lawyer, but I also like to party plan.

Speaker 1 I'm a bitch, I'm a lawyer. I've got tacos in my pocket.
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint.

Speaker 1 So we open at Emily. I don't know why we're on that, but Emily is opening her home today.
She says she needs to do her laundry. And Shane goes, you mean

Speaker 1 you need to have me do the laundry.

Speaker 1 King of snark

Speaker 1 cousins.

Speaker 1 Oh, to the left, to the right. Oh, we're not doing it anymore.
Okay. I do the laundry too, Shane.

Speaker 1 So how, and he's like, really? How are the household duties divided? She's like, well, 60, 40, 60 in your favor. Maybe 70, 30.

Speaker 1 My name is emily simpson and i live in orange county

Speaker 2 my name is shane simpson and i'm married to emily king king of snarcasm theme song anyone no okay only one that's okay

Speaker 1 pity the child who knows they just start playing chess

Speaker 1 um so emily's like yeah we've got three children together annabelle luke and color One of them don't eat orange things and I don't know what to do.

Speaker 1 And Shane's like, yeah, you know, I wish we had more family dinners. I think that's pretty important.
That's a big thing on the show, having family dinners and all sitting at the same table.

Speaker 1 It's a big, it's a big one.

Speaker 2 It is.

Speaker 2 And it's a little shocking to hear that they're not family dinners happening in the Simpson household, considering that we've spent seven years of Emily talking about how we're, my mom would just not make time for us.

Speaker 1 So she said, she says this entire episode was pretty fascinating. because we've heard Emily and how she talks about her mother and what her mother was like.

Speaker 1 And then we see that Emily has become her mother in a lot of ways which is pretty fascinating to see and we've also you know a lot of her time has been spent like shane doesn't do enough and shane doesn't you know

Speaker 1 wasn't her thing like shane's not emotionally available kids and stuff and now we find out that shane does everything for the kids so it's it's pretty interesting uh watching emily's episode actually and by the way i never thought i would put those same words in this in a sentence together interesting in emily who would have thought i make chicken bagnocks for my kids You know, I make rice for Luke.

Speaker 1 And then Shane is on his own. And when Shane and I first got married, it was supposed to be that I'd be home with the kids and Shane would work.
And then I ended up on a TV show.

Speaker 1 And I worked more than I ever anticipated. I mean, it also helped that he failed the bar 15 times so he couldn't actually work.
But, you know, who would have thought?

Speaker 1 Yeah, they just leave that part out.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, most of my time is spent doing domestic duties, and Emily knows I do a lot, but I don't think she values it. She's like, oh, my God, I guess I should have sex with him more.

Speaker 1 He does a lot. He deserves more anal

Speaker 2 Emily. You don't have to do that.
Don't worry.

Speaker 1 So Emily's like, I honestly don't know what to pack, right? This is weird. Can you open it for me? And Annabelle's like, why me? No, don't leave.
I need help, Annabelle.

Speaker 1 Annabelle, help me pack my clothing.

Speaker 2 She's like, can't he do it? And she just points at the dog.

Speaker 1 Annabelle, that's the sort of goofy joke that only I'm allowed to make, not you.

Speaker 1 Oh, gee, Emily, you don't know what to pack? I don't know. Maybe some cutouts or things that are held together with giant like napkin rings.

Speaker 1 Annabelle. That's all you got to pack.
That's all you own. Just pack what you own, girl.
What are you going to go shopping?

Speaker 2 Annabelle's distinct distaste and hatred of her mother is so fascinating because last time we checked in with Annabelle, she was like spunky and happy and Emily was taking her to modeling gigs and she was like this ball of energy.

Speaker 2 And now she's like, I'm a teenager now.

Speaker 1 That's how it works. That's how it works.
Actually, I have to say that with my nieces, that didn't happen with either one of my nieces. Isn't that crazy? That's nice.
They both grew up actually nicer.

Speaker 1 We love that. Everyone's like, oh, my God.
You guys turned into teenagers and you're even more lovely.

Speaker 2 They really are like little rays of sunshine.

Speaker 1 They're always like, hi. Like every time they come backstage, like, hi, yeah, hi.

Speaker 2 And you're like, oh my God, they're so sweet and lovely.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And I mean, they do say you're stupid, Uncle, but it's in a loving way.
It's like, oh, you're an idiot. You know, not like, shut up, uncle.

Speaker 1 You know, they're like, don't talk to my friends.

Speaker 1 they're not like don't talk to my friends they're like talk to my friends because you're an idiot they'll think it's hilarious do it maybe they'll put it on tick tock me an idiot so it's cute but uh we didn't get so lucky with annabelle annabelle's like you and your backing annabelle's not she's not a happy camper and i hope things turn out well for her so she's like she complains about my attitude and then the next day she's like well you got your attitude from me so like whatever i'm like i mean she did i have this angry 12 year old who's on the phone all the time.

Speaker 1 And I retreat to the bedroom a lot. I mean, that's just how I parent.

Speaker 1 But isn't that what she says about her mom? That's where it really clicked with me when she's like, growing up, my mom was in the bedroom all the time. She wouldn't pay attention to us.

Speaker 1 She never paid attention to us.

Speaker 2 I definitely, definitely clocked that as well.

Speaker 1 And so then Emily's like, she has to just on the phone too much. Now, excuse me, while I go FaceTime with Gina.

Speaker 2 So Gina's. She's faced up with Gina and she's like, this woman has no idea what she's in for.

Speaker 1 Can you come spy for me? And if you see my daughter, you know, put in a good word for me and be like, Hey, your mom is pretty cool. I don't know if you know this.

Speaker 2 I'm like, Uh,

Speaker 2 let's not have this lady lie, okay?

Speaker 1 Yeah, Gina, yeah, Gina's very anti-lying. I might feel bad, but you know what? I already like the new lady better.

Speaker 1 So, Shane is talking to the kids, and uh, Keller is like, I wonder who's our new mom. And he's like, She's not a new mom, she's just a lady that's coming here.
Yeah, she's replacing mom.

Speaker 1 yeah

Speaker 2 well we all we all could take a vote at the end and see if like we want to replace her or not

Speaker 1 shane's like i don't know who their family is but i hope the husband doesn't do crap

Speaker 1 she's stuck doing it all so now let's go see you to park ridge new jersey the svensons

Speaker 2 Yes, and we meet Kaylee and she says, my pet peeve is when we all come, when it's when it comes to Eric. I mean, like, where do we start? Like, there's so much.

Speaker 2 And Erica's like, I'm Eric Spenson, and this is my wife, Kayleigh Sven.

Speaker 2 I can introduce myself.

Speaker 2 I'm Kaylee Sven, and we have three children, our 11-year-old boy, Graham, seven-year-old Adelaide, and then we have my youngest, Georgina, and then we have a pig in the house, and we live on a farm.

Speaker 2 Well, it's not like really a farm. It's like I'm, we actually live in a mansion, and then I have a farm in the backyard, and probably all the neighbors love it.

Speaker 2 And I'm just like a stay-at-home mom who has to pick up shit literally all day long.

Speaker 1 Yeah. My day literally starts at seven.
I feed the chickens, feed the horses, and I take care of our children. And I get the groceries done.
I do the laundry. I make dinner.

Speaker 1 My husband's a fucking idiot. By the way, if I said that, look at this lump of shit.
This is my husband. This is who I married.
You know what?

Speaker 1 So I can't even claim to be an intelligent person because I married this lug of nothing. Look at him.
Look at him.

Speaker 1 If you got a suitcase and filled it with absolutely nothing, but it somehow weighed 350 pounds, that's my husband. You know what?

Speaker 1 That's different because the suitcase would actually have a handle that I could fuck. This, this person, look at him.
Disgusting human being. I was like, wow, this lady hates her husband.

Speaker 2 This is what I'm like, these two are going to be divorced. Like in a year,

Speaker 2 this marriage is not lasting. I'm saying this right now.
It is not lasting, despite whatever bow they tried to put on at the end of this episode. It is not.

Speaker 1 And they need to, you know, I say, look, if you're a wife that hates your husband and you're going to go on wife swap, this is your one chance to make your case to the court why he's terrible.

Speaker 1 I mean, we can already see kind of why, because he's not great. I mean, I wouldn't say he's a horrible person or anything, but a lot of this, like, I don't do none of the housework.

Speaker 1 Like, you're dead to me, first of all. But like, he seems to love her, but she hates him.
And this is where you need to make your case of what a piece of shit this guy is. And she doesn't really.

Speaker 1 She's just like, she just kind of points at him. She's like, what a loser, right? It's like, oh, she's actually like mean.

Speaker 2 Like, I was, it's surprising. The arc of the episode is a little surprising because she's just, she hates him so much.

Speaker 2 And she, you can see she barely can tolerate his presence so then we meet by the way their kids are so cute and so adelaide is like mom does all the cooking mom does the cleaning and dad ruins everything i was like whoa okay i wonder if mom has been in the ears of these kids you know that that goes off to work 100

Speaker 2 your father ruins everything around you if you're unhappy about something it's because of your father

Speaker 1 Yeah, so she's like, well, my house is very much reminiscent of like the English countryside, okay?

Speaker 1 Which probably everybody in new jersey says but it's true and ever since i was a little girl i always dreamed of having this big backyard farm and eric loves the farm right eric he definitely loves the farm you better love the farm eric loves the farm and you know what he's the biggest fucking cow here so

Speaker 2 I hate the farm. I never thought I'd be buying hay, you know, and like, you know, when they say make hay when the sun shines, I didn't think that was literal.

Speaker 2 And they think things like that and paying for a vet. Oh my God, it's crazy how much they charge.
I'm effectively like a walking ATM for the family and the pig.

Speaker 2 I feel like at times I'm, but like I'm the dad and I have to sponsor everyone's happiness and it's like a thankless job. Okay.
Like, well, who's better trained? The pig or Eric?

Speaker 2 Um, I don't know if I like that question.

Speaker 1 Because it's like the pig, of course.

Speaker 1 He's like, yeah. Well, I'm a medical director at a large health care facility and it's a lot of work.
You know, it's a stressful period, you know? I don't think I'm appreciated.

Speaker 1 Appreciated. Yeah, he works, but I'd love for him to take more of an active role in the household.
And I'd love his main role to be shutting up. That would be great.

Speaker 1 Could you take more of a role in shutting the fuck up, Eric?

Speaker 2 And he's like, well, do you want to come to work and have lunch with me? And she's like,

Speaker 2 why is that so important with you? What? Like spending time with your wife in the middle of the day, in the middle of your stressful day at a medical facility?

Speaker 2 You want to actually like have some sort of like... breath of fresh air from someone who's supposed to love you.
What? That's a crazy notion, Eric.

Speaker 1 It would be an expression of love and care. She's like, I'm not like your mommy coming to bring you lunch.
Fucking moron. No, go take a shower, please.

Speaker 1 I was like, I feel like I'm supposed to hate the husband, but like, why am I angry at her right now? Yeah,

Speaker 1 she's not, she's a peach, this one, for sure. And I'm saying all of the evidence points to the husband's an asshole.

Speaker 1 Like, everything we learn, I'm like, I would probably resent him too, and not like him either. But she's just not playing this very well.

Speaker 2 I don't. Well, I mean, like, we can also see that she is,

Speaker 2 you know, it's not just like, oh, she's not just like rude or mean. It's like it comes from as a response to him, right?

Speaker 2 But they're in some terrible, like terrible feedback, negative feedback loop where she's just like kind of nasty. And he's like, okay.

Speaker 2 So then, but then he sort of like pulls away, but then that causes her to be nasty. And so they both kind of have to stop their cycle.

Speaker 1 Well, that's their.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Use their love language.

Speaker 1 No, but I think it starts that way, where it's like one snarky and kind of makes fun of the other one. Everything's like, oh, my husband, am I right? Like my parents have that dynamic.

Speaker 1 Growing up, my mom would be like,

Speaker 1 oh, God, my husband, what an idiot. And he doesn't do anything for the kids, you know, but she always loved my dad.
They're still together. You know, they still love each other.

Speaker 1 But now, as years have gone on, to watch with that.

Speaker 1 kind of used to be funny banter, you know, like, look at my idiot husband is now like, you fucking moron, Eddie. You know, it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Speaker 1 And if you even say anything to her like God that's really harsh like the other day I called and I was like hey just calling to see how you're doing she goes Eddie Eddie I said get the plate get the plate Eddie it's right there Eddie are you fucking blind god damn it Eddie I said get it right there why do I have to do everything

Speaker 1 for you by the way Ronnie we didn't get anything for our anniversary from you did you send us anything I was like what do you want me to send you a gun I'm like Jesus Christ

Speaker 1 I didn't marry him but you know to her that's just like the way they talk I think it just it starts little and then it snowballs into this terrible like emotionally abusive thing and when you're in it I don't think you can see it unless other even when other people say it because she starts crying when she's called out at the end and she's like oh my god I don't even know how to stop this you know yeah yeah

Speaker 2 So Eric is like, I just want to be acknowledged, you know, because she does give the animals a lot of kisses and maybe I'll put a horse head or something on and then she'll give me a big hug and a kiss.

Speaker 2 I don't know. I think we see like a video of her like being like, oh, cute

Speaker 2 to all the animals. But then with him, he's like, she's like,

Speaker 2 like, squirting like Windex in his face.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. It's like the lady you see with the dog and the home goods.
He's like, come on, my little honey. Come here, my sweet little baby.
And you're like, oh, excuse me.

Speaker 2 I was here first.

Speaker 1 Go around.

Speaker 2 And she's like, later on, a pigeon lands on her table and she's like, so much more friendly and affectionate towards that pigeon than she ever is to this man.

Speaker 1 She's like, hi, love. How are you?

Speaker 2 And this guy's like, hey, get out of my face.

Speaker 1 Get on my face, you stinky fucking fucking monster.

Speaker 1 So she's like, well, I'm doing a swap because I hope that Eric learns how much I actually do around the house and keep it nice and smooth so that he can walk in, have his dinner, his fresh undies without lifting a single finger.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And by the way, what's all?

Speaker 1 He just goes, what's a burn?

Speaker 2 Burn.

Speaker 2 And she goes, Adelaide, did you finish your homework? She's like, yeah, I did. Oh, you guys, I'm going to find out where I'm going.
And so the girl's like, I'm guessing Utah. Where are you going?

Speaker 2 They're like, please give us Meredith Marks.

Speaker 1 Please, Meredith Marks. Icon, yes, icon mother.

Speaker 2 But she's going to Orange County, California. She's like, I wonder who I'm trading with.
And he's like, and she's like, oh, you're screwed if it's Terry DeBru.

Speaker 2 Let's just say that's, let's just say that's okay because like, that's the guy that's going to take me in a Ferrari with the gray hair all around. I'll be living the high life then.

Speaker 2 It's poor girl.

Speaker 1 That's your worst level.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's

Speaker 1 your biggest dream to be riding around in a Ferrari with fucking mama Elsa over there. And Kaylee's like, that's your worst nightmare, right, honey?

Speaker 1 And he's like, my worst nightmare is you going across the country to live with another man for a week. God.

Speaker 1 I like

Speaker 1 to be ignored. I like knowing when I'm being ignored because you're coming in here saying, I'm fucking ignoring you.
Okay. But like actually being ignored.
I don't know how I feel about that.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 2 She's like, I've never left Eric alone without three children my whole life. It's frightening.
Just like frightening. Like I like, I pray for him.

Speaker 2 So then the preacher's asking the kids how they think their dad will do. And Graham is like, um,

Speaker 2 probably not that good.

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Speaker 1 I'm going to New Jersey. Where's Park Ridge? And Anna Buddha goes, In New Jersey.

Speaker 2 She's coming along so well with the sarcasm.

Speaker 1 Okay, well, I'm thinking Jersey. I hope that they have a dog because I decided I'm a dog person now.
At least one dog. That would make me feel more at home.

Speaker 1 Because you don't have houses like this in Orange County. Look, I'm driving through New Jersey.
Look at these houses. Oh, is it a farm? It's a farm.
Does that mean it's a real farm? Whoa.

Speaker 2 She has dogs, emily just real dog i know but like she made she's making dogs her personality now like it used to be that she just had fisker but now she's like fostering dogs and everything she's sort of going down the kyle richards you know path of like i'm a dog person now yeah so kaylee's like well i cannot believe i'm gonna be get to be able to be a housewife like i mean everyone has to have a range roll over a g-wagon right

Speaker 1 No, sorry, you're going to Emily's house. The only way this would be worse if you were going to Gina's house.
They're like, oh my God,

Speaker 1 you get to do your grocery shopping on this bicycle.

Speaker 2 Okay, so one thing that I tell my kids is every day you've got to put a brick in the bedroom so that way we can finally finish the wall between the bunk beds.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So Emily.

Speaker 1 Emily's like, wow, there's so many horses staring in question. Oh my God, there's a pig inside.
There's a freaking pig in here. Oh, God, that's better than a dog.
Oh, my God. You're a pig.
Hi. Hi.

Speaker 1 Do you have a name, Big? Do you have a name? Oh, my God. Show me around, Big.
This is

Speaker 1 so hilarious. me with a pig oh my god and there's crocs oh no

Speaker 1 she um loves the pig hates the crocs which i love and that pig is very cute i love that cute pig

Speaker 1 and he's so sweet

Speaker 1 but i like that she disses the pig she's like oh i thought the pig would be softer it's so wiry what are you judging the pig for it probably felt the same thing about you just get in here it's the pig's house

Speaker 1 also i thought you were raising a farm i feel like that's like known.

Speaker 2 Like, a pig is wiry like that.

Speaker 1 I'm a silly.

Speaker 1 I don't know about her all raised on a farm thing because she doesn't seem to know what she's doing. Like, when she has to clean poop, and she's like, Oh, I never had to do this on a farm.

Speaker 1 So everybody wants to clean shit on a farm, Emily. I don't.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Kelly walks into Emily's house and she's like, okay, look. So maybe we're in the servants' quarters before we get to the main debrow household, right?

Speaker 2 Like this is just, we're not in the full, we're just, we're just walking into the compound and then soon we'll get the atrium, right?

Speaker 1 Oh, oh, it's Emily. Oh,

Speaker 1 okay.

Speaker 1 Heather's like, I like her. I like her.
We should cast her. I think it's funny because usually on this show, it's the housewives walking into the other women's houses.
And they're like, ooh, gross.

Speaker 1 I don't know if I can live like this. But now

Speaker 1 it's the wife swap lady who's like, oh, my God. On TV, these places look big.
This is actually. A shoebox.
Am I supposed to live in here? What is this? The pottery barn?

Speaker 2 I mean, God. I mean, honestly, what doesn't really get articulated is the fact that like this woman's house is actually quite large.
She has a full-size, she has a mansion in New Jersey.

Speaker 2 And that's like the farm that they have is like one of these kind of hobby farms in the back, right? Because they have a mansion. They have all that space.
And then they go into Emily.

Speaker 2 She goes into Emily's kind of like little McMansion that's wedged in with other Lego pieces of the neighborhood. And she's like, oh.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 2 But one thing that was interesting that I've never noticed in Emily's house before, maybe I just haven't paid attention shocker to Emily's, is that Emily has this whole living room with like a grand piano and like a high ceiling.

Speaker 2 I feel like we never see that room. I feel like we're only in the kitchen and the area with the sofas that are just off of the kitchen.
I had no idea she had a tacky living room, too.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's where she does her, that's where she does her confessionals. There's always a piano behind her.

Speaker 1 I remember Christmas time, I was like, that's like the least musical person I could ever imagine, but she's got a beautiful grand piano. Could you just imagine, Emily? Singles the song, Piano Man.

Speaker 1 Like, please, no, God,

Speaker 1 under pressure.

Speaker 2 I don't know why I should say, I meant to sing pressure by Billie A. Joel, but instead I sang under pressure by Queen and Dev Bowie.

Speaker 1 So she talks about growing up on 12 acres, riding horses, bareback. That's how she was raised.

Speaker 1 But there's also a goat in there, and her shoes are destroyed. Even though she knew she was coming to a farm, she's like,

Speaker 1 my shoes are destroyed. So

Speaker 1 I didn't see these shoes, but I've seen a lot of your shoes. and being covered in shit can only help.

Speaker 2 Also, like Kaylee is, I do love this because she says, well, this place is not really my style. I mean, I like it.
If she likes it, I like it.

Speaker 2 I mean, there's not a lot of stories being told with the design of this house. It feels like I just kind of walked into a pottery barn.
Don't want to judge, though. Like.

Speaker 2 Every woman who's gone into a real housewives home so far has kind of said the same thing.

Speaker 2 But this is the one that feels like it burns more because the other two homes, it was like, oh, we're just in this like these gleaming white houses where we feel like it's like, it's, it's, there's nothing should be touched.

Speaker 2 But here's the one where Kaylee actually says, like, the, the furnishings are just kind of like mid-tier consumer.

Speaker 2 I mean, I know pottery barn is expensive, but for a real housewife, it should be like way above pottery barn. I was like, I just love that she took it to a pottery barn.

Speaker 1 The shade. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Not even, not even, what's it called?

Speaker 1 Crate and barrel.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 She's like, this is ugly. Period.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So let's see. So now they read their notes to each other, write their letters.
And she's like, well, first, let me introduce you to my family.

Speaker 1 This is my husband of 16 years. He comes off as very sarcastic and snarky.

Speaker 1 And I guess that's Emily's letter to Kaylee. And she's like, yeah, that sounds familiar.
They share kid responsibilities. And so Kaylee's jealous of that.

Speaker 1 And she's like, I would say that my husband does more than me. And she's like, oh, my God, really? How do you find one of those?

Speaker 1 God, this is the first episode of the show ever where someone is going to be jealous of having Shane as a husband.

Speaker 2 I know, honestly.

Speaker 1 Okay, what does she say? She says, morning start at 7 a.m. The horses, goats, pigs, chickens get fed.
Ask Adelaide.

Speaker 2 Excuse me, I did not consent to having my daughter being on the show.

Speaker 1 No, different Adelaide, Channel. Go back to Orange County.
Okay, ask Adelaide, not Eric. Okay.
Men are stupid. Don't ever ask the boys to do anything around here.

Speaker 1 So to clean the barn, please use a trash can and get all the poop and don't let eric make you do everything he needs to be a better partner i think she's been catering to him for a long time so then how do you switch that hmm enter me emily from orange county

Speaker 1 So then,

Speaker 1 in the other letter, Annabelle's 12. She's feral and sassy, and it's impossible to get through to her because she's on her phone all the time.

Speaker 1 So if you can break through her tough exterior and find a way to communicate with her and bond with her, I'd love that. In other words, take a hammer to the phone.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 the Spensons arrive, and I guess the dad's probably still at work. So instead,

Speaker 2 the kids come in and they're really cute. And then Kaylee's mom, Sue, arrives.
She goes, Hi, I'm Sue, but they call me Papa just in case you get confused. I let you work that one out.

Speaker 1 I was like,

Speaker 1 why are we not getting,

Speaker 2 why are we not going deeper on that? Why is Sue called Papa?

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 I don't know. But I liked her, her, Sue.
I needed more of her, and Emma's like, Okay, well, what's the pig's name? Because your mom called him Piggy. Uh, his name is Pikachu.
She's like, Oh,

Speaker 1 so now we go to Shane, and Shane's like, Well, I'm gonna make dinner for the kids. Um, she's like, Well, can I help? And he's like, No, I'll get it.
She's like, Oh my God, are you sure?

Speaker 1 You've not met my husband, but he doesn't do that.

Speaker 1 Do you work out? Are you doing push-ups? Oh my gosh, could you do this in a towel? I love you. Can I move in here, please? Just take me.

Speaker 2 What time? What time is dinner for you guys? Annabelle's like, I just eat.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 2 By the way, Kaylee seems terrified of these children the entire episode.

Speaker 1 She's like tiptoeing around, like, hey, guys.

Speaker 2 So Kaylee's like, in our house, we eat dinner every night at five o'clock. And I think the biggest thing that Bonds family are those traditions.
I'm like, wow, five o'clock is so early.

Speaker 1 It's really important for your children to see you berating their father at dinner all together because otherwise, you know, you know, stories get twisted. You know, I just want them all to be there.

Speaker 2 So then Shane is like, okay, so it's Friday and we're going to go out to dinner, just you and I, and these kids can figure out how to take care of themselves while we're out.

Speaker 1 She's like, what?

Speaker 2 Seriously? No, they have a babysitter. I mean, do you know about the King of Snarcasm thing? It's kind of my thing.

Speaker 1 No. Okay, let me take it back here.

Speaker 2 We got music. Okay, go ahead.
Oh, yeah, yeah. We got, yeah, we're going out.
We're going to go out to dinner. Go ahead.
We're going to go to. Yeah, yeah.
We're going to go to a place called P.F.

Speaker 1 Chang's.

Speaker 2 It's very fancy.

Speaker 1 I'm going to ask them if they could do non-Chinese food and only a grilled chicken breast.

Speaker 1 So then Emily's rule, Friday date night.

Speaker 2 Friday date night has to happen.

Speaker 2 Like, I do have to say, this episode

Speaker 2 has been really good for Shane.

Speaker 2 Shane really is coming in like a knight in shining armor in this entire show.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he really is. So she's like, but seriously, we're going to dinner.
And he goes, you do eat dinner, don't you? She's like, yeah, but my husband and I, we never go out.

Speaker 1 So that's like, you know, that's crazy. He's not going to be happy to see that on TV.

Speaker 1 I'm telling you right now, me in a restaurant, a real restaurant, people are going to come over to me and take my order. Oh my God.
Can I call one of them, honey? Just ask him how his day was at work.

Speaker 1 And then tell him to shut up. We don't care.

Speaker 1 That'd be great.

Speaker 2 To be fair, we're just going across the street to my mom's house, but she pretends to be a waitress and serves us food. But it's real fun.
You'll like it.

Speaker 1 And she's like, wow, Shane cooks and cleans. I didn't think husbands exist like that, but apparently they do.
Apparently they do.

Speaker 2 So now Kaylee's rule, muck the barn dailies. So Sue is like, you haven't mucked a barn before?

Speaker 1 And she's like, oh, yeah, I'm from Ohio. I grew up with horses.

Speaker 2 Okay, so then you're okay. So yeah, take this rake.

Speaker 1 She's like, yeah, but I've been in Orange County for a long time. So it's, you know, it's so dirty in there.
I don't know what to do.

Speaker 2 She's like, take a pitchfork, okay, and call me Papa.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 You keep telling me that.

Speaker 1 Oh, I got you. So, well, we're just supposed to get the dirty hay out.
She goes, yep, okay. And also the manure.
Oh, there's so much boop.

Speaker 1 I'm cool with cows and horses, but this isn't what I envisioned. Well,

Speaker 1 do you think they have toilets? You think they have smart toilets? Get in there.

Speaker 2 I know. So Kaylee is like, Annabelle, do you want to come help me with my makeup for like a hot second?

Speaker 1 I'm the cool mom now. She's like, no.

Speaker 1 Ouch. Okay.

Speaker 2 What am I doing? What did I sign myself up for?

Speaker 1 I don't don't know what to do with this brat.

Speaker 1 So back at the other house, Emily's exhausted from the poop cleanup. She's like, oh, I haven't worked in 16 years like this.

Speaker 1 So they ask the kids,

Speaker 1 what's the hardest thing for Emily to be like their mom? And Graham, the little smartass, is like, managing my dad. That's the biggest one.
He's really dumb.

Speaker 2 I hates him. Managing my dad.
That kid saying, managing my dad, that's, I love that. So then Eric comes home.

Speaker 2 He's like, hey, hey, I've heard a lot about you oh i've never met someone from the oh sorry i was speaking for you sorry that wasn't part of the rules yeah i've never met someone from the oc before oh so what should we do after dinner well we go for walks as a family we walk down the street a lot and sometimes we take the horse which everyone loves they say god i love taking a walk also through all the horse that that other family leaves around

Speaker 1 Yeah, all right, let's put our shoes on.

Speaker 1 So they go for a walk and uh they have to get the horse haltered up because they walk the horse and um she's like oh you guys are doing the horse halter right and it's like yeah adley did you do the halter i don't do i don't do the halter i don't do that the kids do it so uh she's like i know how to do it i know how to do it and then they open the gate and the horse just runs off and it's not haltered like damn it you just

Speaker 2 The horse is like, I'm going to Orange County, bitch. So Tamara horse.

Speaker 1 Don't ever see me again. Hey.

Speaker 1 12 years. 12 years.
This fam has been tormenting me. You'll never see me again.

Speaker 1 Bitch.

Speaker 1 So they have to go catch a horse and it's not so hard. And they're like, Emily, get on the horse.
Get on it. She's like, oh, God.

Speaker 1 So then they halter the horse and Emily is like, oh, my God,

Speaker 1 I've been here five minutes and I'm already having the man handle the horse.

Speaker 1 You know, I've just met Eric and I don't know him very well, but he clearly does not know how to handle animals, even though he has a whole bunch of them in his backyard.

Speaker 2 Boy, if you didn't wrangle in the horse back, that would have been a crisis. Like that horse wasn't going to go anywhere.
That horse was,

Speaker 2 it was like, I'm just here for the carrots. Like I'm just running around, but like you show me a carrot and I am in your palm, lady.

Speaker 1 Yeah, how are you going to lose a horse? They're pretty big. And also they always come back for sugar cubes.

Speaker 2 But like horse, they want the carrots. They're in it.
I love the carrots. Give me the carrots.
Give me the carrots. I swear, okay, this is my last one.

Speaker 2 And then I will never have a carrot again, but I just need this one last one. This one last carrot.

Speaker 1 Come on now. So Emily is like, well, I like that the goats are eating your neighbor's shrubbery.
Should we apologize to the house or should we move on?

Speaker 2 He's like, yeah, I think we should just move on before the police are called on us. Okay.
And then, of course, the horse starts to poop.

Speaker 1 And I was like, oh, no.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 that's the thing about walking a horse. They're going to poop.
Big old loads of them. So then we go to date night with Shane and Kaylee.
And she's like, oh my God, date night?

Speaker 1 I haven't been on a date night in a long time. I'm just going to be boring.
I'm just going to do cheese pizza. Is that okay? Can I have the kids' portion? That's what my husband allows me to have.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. I can't believe we're here.

Speaker 2 I mean, honestly, this lady, so obviously, I feel like before she even made Orange County, I'd be like, this is a plain cheese pizza girl.

Speaker 2 That's just what she is. I say that as someone who often orders a plain cheese slice.

Speaker 1 I was going to say, I'm not going to speak because I'm literally a cheese pizza person. That's all I eat.

Speaker 2 It's just surprising that coming from a New Jersey, I would have thought she'd be like, can you put some like a pepperoni?

Speaker 1 Pepperon.

Speaker 2 But then again, she wants her house to look like the English countryside, not the Italian countryside. So we already know that like

Speaker 2 she's, she's a little different than a normal Jerseyite. So Kelly is...

Speaker 1 Kelly eats pizza normally. I think that's why she's like, oh my God, can I get the cheese pizza? This is crazy.
I'm having carbs.

Speaker 1 Cause I feel like she's always, you know, she's the mom who eats like a couple of bites at dinner and then kind of looks judgmentally at her children as they eat more than us and she's like well you know i wish we could learn to eat how i'm eating look at these two bites

Speaker 2 i would love to do this more with eric it just seems so overwhelming my husband he works so much and he wants this traditional housewife and somebody that just stays at home and like the tricky part is that i still feel guilty that i don't financially bring i'm not bringing in any income.

Speaker 2 I'm like, well, that's because you decided that you had this dream of having a farm in the backyard. And now you have to spend all day taking care of it.

Speaker 1 And like, you're miserable with your own dream.

Speaker 1 You're going to get away to be like, you know what, Dream, you suck. I'm getting a different dream.
You don't have to commit to your dream. You don't have to marry.
Get a different dream, you know?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Donate, donate the animals to a local like, you know, I don't know.

Speaker 2 Eat the horse. Guess what? It's not your friend.
You're eating the horse.

Speaker 2 She's like, I wish I had, I wish I'm not bringing any money in. I feel bad.
It's like, lady. It's because you are spending 12 hours a day attending to your hobby farm.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And you know what?

Speaker 1 I think that people who are are staying at home taking care of three kids have absolutely zero reason to feel bad about staying home i mean that's hard work i'm hungry for kids for two seconds i'm like good night goodbye great seeing you i'm exhausted goodbye get out of my house get out of my life okay call me call me for your graduation i'll send a gift

Speaker 2 oh i agree i'm just saying like she's also added the voluntary you know farm dream onto it. And it's like, you have to then at a certain point be realistic.

Speaker 2 Like, I, and I, I don't say that she shouldn't feel guilty guilty because I understand like she wants to be an active participant and bring in the money, but it's like you're either going to be like, you're either going to be tending to this farm all day long or you're going to do some sort of business or monetize or whatever.

Speaker 2 But like, whatever you're doing right now, it's like, I don't know, maybe reconsider the farm part.

Speaker 1 That's all I'm saying. Well, I think having the single income family sounds good a lot of the times.
Like, I'm going to do this old school. I'm going to stay home.
We're going to have a single income.

Speaker 1 But you don't realize that when you have another income coming in, you can be like, we're going to dinner every Friday night.

Speaker 1 You know, like you don't get to just say because you earn the money that we're not going to dinner. It's like that power that somebody else has that's really gross.

Speaker 1 So you have to do at least something just to earn dinner money.

Speaker 1 That's what I say. However you do it.
Only fans, I don't care.

Speaker 2 Only farms.

Speaker 2 So Kaylee is like.

Speaker 1 That's probably a thing. People like

Speaker 1 jerked off to your horse today. Well, it's good.

Speaker 2 Well, that is what. I mean,

Speaker 2 there is that site like farmer meets lady or something,

Speaker 2 which I think ultimately brought the McBees into our world. So Kaylee, right? Because he wasn't even like farmer meets wife.
So Kaylee

Speaker 2 is saying, like, well, it goes back, you know,

Speaker 2 you're hoping Emily's going to come back with anything different for a different perspective on anything. He's like, yeah, you gave me some hope because Eric doesn't do anything.

Speaker 2 Isn't that funny? It's like, yeah, I would like it if Emily came home and said, thank you more and some sort of recognition for the things I do. Yeah, I would like that.
She just wants a thank you.

Speaker 1 So he's like, You're going to bed without putting the kids to bed. And she's like, Oh my God, that's so weird.
Like, it's, I'm just going to be walking circles in my room.

Speaker 1 Like, what do I do with myself? What do I do with myself? Why does this house have no style? etc., etc. You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 2 Pottery barn.

Speaker 2 You know, you just can't style your place like pottery barn and not have animals too. It's really hard on me.

Speaker 1 So she's

Speaker 1 got kids to bed. Oh, sorry, go ahead.

Speaker 1 Yeah. No, go ahead.
So Emily is putting her kids to bed. And

Speaker 1 Eric's, then Eric's trying to put his kids to bed, you know, and they tell Adelaide it's 8-12. And she's like, Sal.

Speaker 1 How about we just put your pajamas on? Let's get ready for that.

Speaker 2 Kaylee's rule, mommy does bedtime alone.

Speaker 1 So Emily's like, okay, everyone, where's Graham? Georgina, you go there, you put your pajamas on. Oh, my God, do you do this? Oh, my God.
Kids are in bed, but it's 9.30. They're already out.

Speaker 1 This is hard.

Speaker 1 So she's basically like trying to herd cats, but she has no help from Eric on this front yeah eric doesn't help do shit so you know i do see where kaylee's coming from as far as being a nordicist person because i don't care if you work all day you still need to do she's working all day too

Speaker 1 yeah yeah

Speaker 1 she's working too yeah um so yeah he's he's useless but also emily is not you can tell that emily's a useless one too because she's like oh my god it's so hard there's three kids you have to put them to bed

Speaker 2 so now it's saturday morning and um emily has to make breakfast. But guess what? Shane makes breakfast over in Orange County.

Speaker 2 And Kelly's like, I feel like I've woken up in a hotel, a very small hotel with bad interior design, but a hotel nonetheless. It feels good.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's the best Western, but a hotel is a hotel. Am I right?

Speaker 2 It's not the worst Western.

Speaker 1 Midwestern. Midwestern.

Speaker 1 You want some waffles? And she's like, I would love a waffle. Thank you so much.
This is so lovely. so then in the other house um

Speaker 1 emily's gonna help feed the horses and she's matching the kids outfit it's really cute so kaylee's rule collect chicken eggs so they start doing that and she asks the names of all the chickens and adelaide's like we don't name them she goes you got to name them well we don't name things that we eat Name them.

Speaker 1 Come on. I mean, every year on our show, we get someone new to hunt and we still name them.
Okay. Okay.
What's this one right over here? The one named Tamara?

Speaker 1 You got to, you you got a fan that one yeah this one

Speaker 2 uh hey is this going look at that that chicken did that chicken just get baptized it really is a tamara chicken oh and look there's a fancy chicken what was shocking is like how they put side-by-side images and the chickens really did look like the real housewives like there was one of heather it was like a black and white chicken and then they got to a shot of heather wearing a black and white dress that's just she looked just like the little chicken

Speaker 1 We'll call her fancy pan, Saul.

Speaker 1 And this one's named Shannon because it just got pulled over. That one keeps flipping the house.
They call it Shannon.

Speaker 2 Chicken running into the cage.

Speaker 1 Wait a second. That chicken just put the other chicken in a size Tan Susan Bender jean jacket.
No

Speaker 1 There's one that's lost all its feathers and it used to be named Moon and she's like, well, that tracks a lot. You have no idea.
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Speaker 1 so she asks who the kids spend more time with the mom or the dad and adelaide's like with mom because every monday we horseback ride and after horseback riding we go to the dinner

Speaker 1 Oh, do you wish you spent more time with dad? Yeah, a little bit. Does he stay in his office a lot? Do you wish he came out and like did more fun things with kids?

Speaker 2 And your mom, Emily, you're leading the witness.

Speaker 1 She does it the whole episode. Every time she talks to them, she's like, whoa, do you just wish your family was different? Your father made more effort.

Speaker 2 She's like, okay. So then Eric's like, hey, you guys doing okay? You guys want to, you guys going to have some lunch?

Speaker 1 All right. Good luck.

Speaker 2 I'll be in the office. Tell me how that lunch turns out for you.

Speaker 1 Okay. Well, here's a can of soup.

Speaker 2 I was like, this is the first house wife swap we've seen of the three where I'm not feeling warm tingles.

Speaker 1 Like Melissa Gorga, Melissa Gorga last week did it.

Speaker 2 And she was like, I was like, you know what, Melissa Gorga, she's really expressing so much warmth.

Speaker 1 And like Emily definitely was warm on this episode, but there was something about her being like, here, kid, you want lunch? Here's a can of soup.

Speaker 2 And I know kids eat cans of soup. I know that.
But there just was something like a little sad about this one, right?

Speaker 1 There's a sadness on both fronts yeah um yeah it was definitely a more depressing vibe on this one so she's like i'm making this lunch for the kids i mean i used a can opener and poured into a bowl and eric just watches me like well did you need help with the can opener

Speaker 2 yeah seriously

Speaker 2 geez like the meredith marks household they all have to put a hand on it like

Speaker 1 yeah

Speaker 1 So she says he's going to have a rude awakening when she changes the rules. Now it's three hours until rule change.
And guess who's here to fit that? Gina.

Speaker 1 She's like, oh my god, you're such a beautiful replacement, family.

Speaker 2 Yeah, oh my God, you guys are like great. Welcome, everyone.
So you're from Jersey. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 You're like, my people. I'm from like New York.

Speaker 2 I figured we'd go down to the marina and get coffee. Have you ever gotten coffee before, Kelly?

Speaker 1 She's like,

Speaker 1 oh my God.

Speaker 1 Coffee. Wow.

Speaker 1 We do. Yeah, I'm going to be coffee.
We're allowed to leave.

Speaker 1 Your husband lets you do that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because what we do is we go to coffee and then we sit down and then I yell at you. It's going to be so fun.

Speaker 1 Yeah, let's go to coffee. And Gina's like, oh my God, I'm going to start saying coffee now.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 they go and Kaylee's like, I'm like a stay-at-home mom. So it's like, I do like everything.
Oh, my God. I understand because I used to live that life.

Speaker 2 Like, do you like now I'm like a realtor and I like sell like high-power realtor homes and stuff to like seniors who are looking for a really, really nice two bedroom in a senior living development.

Speaker 2 So like I understand that life that I used to have.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It's like, yeah, like you're a stay at home mom.
I'm like a stay homeless mom. So like I get it.
It's like really the fuck on.

Speaker 1 And she's like, oh my God,

Speaker 1 you know, I just don't get to be social. And, you know, I'm usually talking to the pig who's eating much next to me.
So conversation doesn't go great. Oh, my God.
You talk to pigs. That's crazy.

Speaker 1 But like, we could do better than that you know because like my partner now he's like my partner like he's my soulmate he's my everything he's got big balls but like you know i it doesn't take away from me always wanting to like lean into myself which is like really hard because i'm like out my rib because i'll be like oh you know and it hurts don't lean into yourself i learned that one but you should go to coffee every once in a while i hope i taught you something she's like i can go to coffee you can yeah you can get it you can buy it yeah it's like the same as getting sloshed but it's like with coffee instead it's like really fun

Speaker 2 oh wow that's such an interesting perspective that's like that's interesting getting coffee like the last you know you know it's funny the last person i do is i i never please myself yeah you know it's like you you have to you have yourself backed into a corner yeah like babies in the corner oh my god i got to make a joke i never get to joke with eric that's so funny wow

Speaker 1 yeah

Speaker 1 so then emily's like family meeting all right since i've been here we've been living by your mom's rules so now we're going to switch it up. I'm going to bed.
Bye.

Speaker 1 That's time for Emily's rules. Yes.

Speaker 2 And then, and then we also see Kaylee's rules. And she goes, okay, everyone, before we start anything, I just want to say my rules about being present and being together as a family.

Speaker 2 Rule number one is we're limiting the screen time. Annabelle's like,

Speaker 2 okay.

Speaker 1 Annabelle's not happy about that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no screen time. And I'd love to see your kids actually engaging and going outside to be active.
I'm just like, oh,

Speaker 1 and then maybe we could do something together.

Speaker 1 Annabelle's head starts twisting around.

Speaker 2 And no pea soup is everywhere. Shane's like, Annabelle, are you going to survive? We'll see how it's going, huh?

Speaker 1 So then Emily's like, okay, everyone, all my rules are going to help you be a more present dad. Rule number one, dad now has to take care of the animals.

Speaker 2 He's like, oh, god why does everybody hate me

Speaker 1 rule number two dad does bedtime dad puts you to bed and he's like oh my god you could choose one of the kids is like you could choose fast to go to bed at 10. and he's like how about six

Speaker 1 seven

Speaker 2 it's like okay deal and georgina i still want to have a dance party first home fun So then back to Orange County, Kaylee's like, you know, my daughter Adelaide and I always cook together.

Speaker 2 So Annabelle, like, you know, maybe you'll help me in the kitchen, right?

Speaker 1 Won't you? Won't you please, will you please do it? Is she mad at me? Is she mad at me?

Speaker 2 It's like, yeah, can you assist in helping dinner at Annabelle? She's like,

Speaker 2 I only know how to make kraut mac and cheese.

Speaker 1 Don't talk with your mouth full. Okay, well, having dinner is a way to sit down.
And you know what? I'd love every each and one of you. That's when we say that.
Okay.

Speaker 1 And I'd love to be able to sit down as a family. Can we do that? And they're like, ew.

Speaker 2 Sit down, family. What?

Speaker 1 Okay, rule number three, everyone. And this is very important.
Eric?

Speaker 2 He's like, oh, God, this is not. All the rules are just for me.
It's for no one else.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you get to plan a date night tonight for us. Oh, wow.
You have to cook something.

Speaker 2 Emily, the whole point is that he doesn't take her out. Have him take you out to a restaurant in New Jersey.

Speaker 1 Why would you want a man who knows how to do nothing to cook for you? Which just sounds like a terrible dinner. Make him buy you something.

Speaker 2 Yeah, go out to get some nice Italian food.

Speaker 1 You're there.

Speaker 2 And he's like, I can't even make cereal. Oh, and the daughter just slaps him.
He's like ow, what was that for? Okay, this will be interesting.

Speaker 1 New role start right now.

Speaker 1 Yeah, okay. So she's like, wow, it feels amazing to be doing nothing.

Speaker 1 Like, can everyone just go away? Why are these kids asking me questions? Oh, by the way, I have to keep my purse next to me because the pig likes to root through it.

Speaker 1 Does Louis Vuitton repair bags of a pig chewed on it? And then we see the pig chewing on her purse and like going through it and actually pulling stuff out, which is really funny.

Speaker 1 But, you know, like I've said, you keep fucking burritos in there. Of course the pig's going to get into it.
What do you think?

Speaker 2 So Eric is, he's like, he's working in the, he's working in the style and he's like, how do you guys do this every day? And his son is like, you should ask her with 20 years of bond experience.

Speaker 2 You got the easy part, dad. What's easy? There's nothing easy.
How about whoever goes there first does this pile? Let's race through the pig shoot. Nothing bad could ever happen.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Falls in the pig set.
Crazy, dad. Oh, no.
And the cape is. You're so fat.
He's like, hell, if I broke my ribs,

Speaker 1 were you leaning into yourself?

Speaker 1 Gina.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 they help the dad. And then back in OC,

Speaker 1 they're cutting sausage, Annabelle and Kaylee, and she does it. And she's like, oh, my God, Kaylee cut a sausage.
This is amazing. I've taught this family so much.

Speaker 1 And back with Eric, Eric's like, is this where the pans have been this whole time we keep pans here wow crazy um yeah daddy do you know how to cook he's like I got no idea oh no I just got ground beef in my eye oh no

Speaker 2 please just order just take order takeout please I can't see nothing

Speaker 1 So then Kaylee's new rule, family dinner. Okay, so now it's Shane's family that comes over.
Oh my God. You have to cook for the family, too? That's a lot.

Speaker 2 Oh, God, it's Perry and Larry. Perry and Larry come over and so does Tara.
So they're they're all there. And it's, and Kaylee's like, oh my God, this is like amazing.

Speaker 2 It's just like West Coast version of Papa. Oh, you mean your dad? No, my mom.
Okay, it doesn't make sense to us, but okay, whatever.

Speaker 1 It's okay. Don't worry.
My daughter-in-law invited me to a strip show in Vegas while she was the stripper for support.

Speaker 2 So who am I to judge?

Speaker 1 That's right, Perry. Wait, could you repeat that?

Speaker 1 And Perry's like, this pasta looks so good. And what buttery is it? Is it buttery?

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 2 Annabelle's like,

Speaker 2 stupid stupid grandmother. So Shane is like, okay, well,

Speaker 2 thank you, boys, for helping. Now we can talk badly about you while you're gone, right, Luke? Ha ha ha.
King of sarcasm in the making.

Speaker 1 He's like, how dare you?

Speaker 1 So then Annabelle's like, I don't even care what we have for dinner. I just don't like screen time limitations.
It's annoying. Who am I supposed to tell how stupid this dinner is?

Speaker 2 So now they're back to New Jersey. And

Speaker 2 they make dinner. And And

Speaker 2 so Emily and Eric sit in the dinner in the dining room table. And the kids come in.
They're cute because they're acting like they're waiters and waitresses.

Speaker 1 And Adelaide's like, hello, welcome to the Glorious Restaurant.

Speaker 2 Tonight, we're going to be serving you lasagna cups and Caesar salad.

Speaker 1 And it's like, I love that.

Speaker 1 And they've named the restaurant Glorious, which is so funny. It's like, glorious, perfect.

Speaker 1 So Eric's like, okay, date night. I almost broke my fucking neck out there, you know, like cleaning poop.
But I was thinking to myself, like, I can't believe my wife does this every day. God,

Speaker 1 do you think that maybe there's something holding you back from putting more effort and around the house? Maybe we should blame her, huh?

Speaker 2 He's like, Yeah, that's it. It's not that I don't have the dedication or that I, it's not that I don't have this.
It's not that I'm a lazy fuck.

Speaker 2 It's just that, you know, I don't think I'm appreciated. You know, you know, Kaylee comes in sitting down with me and watching basketball.

Speaker 2 I just wanted to watch her to watch basketball with me for 10 minutes. I mean, to me, it makes me happy, which in turn will get me more motivated to be around the family, I think.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 This is like very much like a way to do nothing and then insist that everything be on your terms. I'm like, what, what, what? You can't sit and watch basketball with me?

Speaker 1 What, you can't clean some cow shit one day?

Speaker 2 Clean some cow shit. Like you both have to do the things and then you both will get to do the things.

Speaker 1 Like just doing a bunch of stuff you don't want to do for each other. Doesn't it sound fun?

Speaker 2 Yeah. And if you both wait for the for one person to do the first thing first, you're never, you're just going to be sitting there while she'll be angry at you.

Speaker 2 Cause we didn't even talk about that when she left left to do her wife swap thing. She kissed all the children and refused to kiss him on the, like, on the lips or the cheek or anything.

Speaker 2 She, he like, hugged her and she turned away, which was pretty bad.

Speaker 2 But, um, he's definitely doing that thing that we see on below deck a lot where people, where like the shitty worker is like, I'm not a bad worker.

Speaker 2 It's just that, like, my boss doesn't, like, motivate me to work.

Speaker 1 So they're not like if I'm a better leader.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I'm not inspired.
He's like, yeah, I would help out more, but she doesn't inspire me. So I just sit in the office and I do nothing.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And I think she does the same thing where she's like, well, I'm not going to kiss him because he's not a good husband.

Speaker 1 But like, you guys have to, you know, you have to tell each other this stuff. I mean, I'm not married.
I deny this. I'm telling you this stuff.
This is like a simple one. Come on.

Speaker 1 And Emily's like, well, let me just wade through the BS. Okay, there's probably obligations to you where that you have to, you know, go to your office.
But also, I think you go in there

Speaker 1 as an escape. Do you not? Do you not escape?

Speaker 2 Is it hot in here or what? What's going on? It's getting a little hot in here. Oh, no.

Speaker 1 What? So you feel resentment.

Speaker 1 yeah you feel resentment because you're not appreciated and you wish she had more gratitude and affection towards you for all the hard work to support her dreams dawn nailed it both guilty

Speaker 1 emily basically is doing the same thing she does on on orange county which is like here's the storyline we're gonna go with today katie talks about talks to bloggers so let's write her off okay gritchers

Speaker 1 So Emily's like, yeah, so you wish you had more gratitude and affection coming towards you and for all the hard work to support her dreams.

Speaker 2 Oh my God, it's like you stole the thoughts out of my brain, which is funny because they weren't there in the first place. It's more like you just put ones in there instead.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Well, let me just play the devil's advocate for a minute. All the animals are because Kaylee wants animals, right? You don't want animals, right?

Speaker 1 He's like, oh my God, like 100%. That's not my passion, but Kaylee's passion has become my passion in a lot of ways.
Okay, but is it really your passion?

Speaker 1 Because clearly you want to make her happy, but your dream isn't to have goats and pigs walking around the house, but you let it happen because it makes her happy, right? So she's a bitch.

Speaker 1 That's what I'm telling you. That's what you're saying, right?

Speaker 1 I have a question.

Speaker 1 Has Kaylee ever talked about my children to podcasters? I need to know this. I need to know.

Speaker 1 He's like, oh my God, can we bottle this and ship it up to Kaylee? Because like, maybe I would get more credit.

Speaker 1 And Emily's like, well, I could see that it's not an unreasonable request, you know? I mean, I see my husband and you, and then it makes me sad that I don't recognize his feelings.

Speaker 1 So maybe this same thing is happening to her you know and he's like mic drop just good I'm glad I created an entire marriage problem in my head go work it out

Speaker 1 you know so over there uh in orange county Kaylee's like um Annabelle um do you want to come upstairs when you're done with your ice cream maybe Annabelle maybe she's like huh

Speaker 1 you want to come up to ice ice cream maybe huh She's like talking, she's talking to Annabelle as if Annabelle is the incredible Hulk. She's like, I don't, don't get her mad.

Speaker 1 Okay, we'll be, we'll be upstairs.

Speaker 1 Come join us. Don't show fear.
How many kids do you have? This is how you act around your kids. This is what you do.

Speaker 1 Annabelle, put your fucking phone down before I put it down the garbage disposal, ma'am. Get up there.
I don't want to hear any lip. Okay.
Or I'm going to make her comb your hair.

Speaker 2 I know, but her kids aren't that age yet. So she doesn't really know what to do.

Speaker 2 She's still at the age where her kids are like lovely and actually like love their, like want to hang out with their mom.

Speaker 2 So then Emily is setting up the dance party in New Jersey, which is very cute. And Emily's like, the kids are amazing.

Speaker 1 They're so sweet and kind. I feel like I'm establishing a connection with them.
And it makes me think, you know what? Sometimes you just have to embrace the chaos.

Speaker 2 So then meanwhile, back up in Orange County, the whole family, including Annabelle, are like sitting around on the sofa to watch TV. And Annabelle actually is lowering her guard.

Speaker 2 She gets excited to talk about Bad News Bears. Like, you have to watch it.
It's like the best. And, you know, Kelly's like, oh.

Speaker 2 I was hoping we could watch Amadeus, but I guess I'll have to watch this shitty movie just to wake up. I'm sorry.
Is F.

Speaker 1 Murray Abraham in bad news baz?

Speaker 1 Okay, okay, I guess we'll uh

Speaker 2 I'm sorry, I'm kind of on a Kristen Scott Thomas kick. Would anyone be opposed to the English patient? Okay, oh, okay, more bad news baz.

Speaker 1 That's fine, bad news baz. Okay, I mean, basically, that's what I call my husband, but it's okay, I'm not tricking.

Speaker 2 We can watch it.

Speaker 1 So now it's the last day of the swap, and Kaylee is like, Oh, guys, you're gonna miss anything about me? And Luke's like, Everything,

Speaker 1 everything.

Speaker 1 She's like, Really?

Speaker 1 Do you guys think you want to continue your family dinner when I leave and they do and she's like and do you want to get a pig now and kelly's like yeah if it's big and juicy she goes don't you dare dare talk with that pig

Speaker 1 little twin listen here you little freak

Speaker 1 hey today is my last day in new jersey and i thought we'd do something that dad would like to do so we're gonna go fly fishing

Speaker 2 so the emily's new rule is to prioritize dad

Speaker 2 So they're gonna go, he loves to fly fish. That's his thing.

Speaker 2 No one else wants to fly fish. They go to this like stream and they start fly fishing and it's the kids are like, they're a disaster.
They're like getting their

Speaker 2 fishing lines tangled around the cameraman and no one's happy, but the dad's happy. And actually the dad at some point is like, okay, you know what? I appreciate you guys doing this for me.

Speaker 2 This is all nice. We can't do this.
Not with the kids. No.

Speaker 2 Like, this is fun. I appreciate it.
I get it. I see what you're doing.
Let's just, let's move on. Let's go home.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they don't know how to fly fish because you haven't taken them fishing. That's sad.
There's a lot of broken things in this family, you know?

Speaker 1 this made me sad that you've never taken the kids fishing that's nuts and there and there actually is a genuinely nice moment in orange county which i think you were just about to set up i'm sorry where uh kaylee and annabelle are like in the cul-de-sac on bicycles and annabelle is like mind try riding my bicycle it's like whoa annabelle she is melting a little bit yeah and she's like no no i can't ride a bicycle i'm gonna mess up your bike it's like oh it's fine my parents don't know this but i ran into like so many bushes and fell off it so many times one time i sped up and i crashed it through gina's window because she's poor and she had to put plastic on it for a month

Speaker 2 shannon comes out of nowhere and goes um uh young lady uh in the future just say that you had to walk your dog late at night which is why you crashed your bike okay just a little tip from an older generation to a younger one So Emily's done and she's like, guys, this has been amazing.

Speaker 1 You really ignited something in my heart and I just want to go home it. Does anyone hear that?

Speaker 1 Oh, there's popcorn popping in my purse. Does anybody want some?

Speaker 2 So then Eric, she's like, here's a gift.

Speaker 1 Eric, it's a dustpad.

Speaker 1 God,

Speaker 1 I really am so funny.

Speaker 1 Going into this experience, I didn't really feel like there was much to take away from someone else's life, but it makes me reflect.

Speaker 1 Oh, why don't I put more effort into my own family?

Speaker 2 And Eric is like, I've learned a tremendous amount from this experience. I have to be a better husband.
I have to do better.

Speaker 2 So when Kaylee comes home, I'm excited to introduce her to this kind, newer, kind of, newer version, better version of me, where when she's cleaning up all the poop, I say, good job, honey.

Speaker 2 And then I go back in the office.

Speaker 1 So Kaylee's saying bye to her family or her rental family, and they're both saying bye to their families, basically, basically, and everybody's crying.

Speaker 1 So now the ladies come back and hang out together

Speaker 1 to have their post, their post-game, whatever. So Emily's like, I don't know why I'm getting so emotional.
Keller, how are you, honey? Shane, are you taking the kids? Get them out of here.

Speaker 1 Shane, do your job.

Speaker 1 And she's like, okay, well, tell me, tell me, tell me, Kelly, how was Annabelle?

Speaker 2 She's like, well, she was standoffish, but your two boys, they were great. They kept making all these jokes about Heather DeBru.
I was like, oh, my God.

Speaker 2 They wouldn't stop. Quiet.

Speaker 1 Don't you dare. They don't talk about Heather DeBru.

Speaker 1 But you know what? We did sit for a family dinner because, you know, it creates a tradition of like, hey, your dad's an idiot, right?

Speaker 1 And it's like, yeah, I love that you did that because we don't sit down as a family. But, you know, when I was with your kids, I get emotional when I talk about your kids.
I don't know why.

Speaker 1 I don't know why.

Speaker 1 But I wanted just, I wanted to be around them. It made me think about how in my own house, like I go to bed instead of hanging out with my kids.
You know, I go into my room and I'll just watch TV.

Speaker 1 and i thought maybe i should hang out with my own children

Speaker 2 maybe might be a good idea she's like i know like one thing i got to spend some time with annabelle and i knew that like that was important to you and like one of my rule changes was just like to have her come sit with us on the couch just so that like she can be like be there and be part of the family so i think like if you can lead with that encourage like a little bit of family time what be affectionate towards the children okay

Speaker 1 but instead of being scared to do it because it's crazy and hard we just have to do it anyway right yeah enjoy the chaos. Emily is like horrified.

Speaker 1 She's like, even though it's scary to think about spending time with my children and hard, I guess I should figure it out. And she's like, yeah, enjoy the chaos.

Speaker 1 So she looked at Rick and I had a date night. He had to cook.
She goes, oh my God, of course he didn't let you take him out. Of course.
So did he even know what the pots and pans were?

Speaker 1 She's like, no, but I could tell he was so nervous. And he recognized he needs to do more stuff around the house.
You know, I think it was sad. And I'm not, you know, look, I think it works.

Speaker 1 You know, he works so hard to give you a dream life. and I don't think he feels that he's acknowledged.

Speaker 2 Yeah, well, with some of the things I don't want to talk about, okay, there's some things I don't want to talk about right now, but it's like very hard. He cheated on me, everyone.
He cheated.

Speaker 1 Okay, that's what I was getting. Do you think she's saying like he cheated, and now she's like, that's why he

Speaker 1 can't acknowledge it?

Speaker 2 I don't know if it was really, I don't know if it's as extreme as cheating, but what I do get is that like they have marital problems and she doesn't want to get into it,

Speaker 2 but uh,

Speaker 2 there's like a lot of dysfunction that's happening, and like that

Speaker 2 she i think i felt like the tears were like i wish it were as simple as like just doing these things and that will fix everything but like everything is really really tough and it's we've gotten to a terrible cycle and i don't know how to get out of it and i feel like if we don't get out of it we're gonna wind up getting divorced yeah that was where i took it and just like

Speaker 1 and um she's like yeah and i don't i just and emily's like yeah but he doesn't feel like he gets what he needs and she's like i just don't know how to fix that in myself i mean how am i going to suddenly want to fuck my husband?

Speaker 1 I just can't. I have a wall up and I can't get it down.
What's wrong with me? I want to be affectionate for him, but how do I be a better wife?

Speaker 1 She's like, well, I'm a terrible wife and it still works out. So don't worry about it.
Just go with the flow.

Speaker 1 You know, I really appreciate how much Shane contributes to this family and how much he does.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he does a lot. Like, you have a wonderful partner.
You know, I would naturally think that Shane or someone else deserves that.

Speaker 2 But like, why doesn't Eric deserve the same compliments that I offer your husband? I mean, not the thing about the pottery barn, I just sort of like laughed and was like, This is disgusting, you know.

Speaker 2 But all the other stuff I said was very nice.

Speaker 1 Okay, well, I should say thank you to Shane, and you should go have lunch with your husband. She goes, Oh my god, not the lunch.
He brought up the lunch, really? He brought up the lunch, of course.

Speaker 1 He did. Why is that so important to him?

Speaker 1 Put your walls down and have lunch.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God, lunch. I don't know if I could do that.
You know, he's gonna make me drink a snapple.

Speaker 1 Okay, drink a snapple then. Come on, do it.

Speaker 1 So she says that she struggles with loving her husband and showing it. So this is a wake-up call.

Speaker 1 I don't know how you're going to suddenly just like show love to your husband, but I guess it worked for a little while because we see the after.

Speaker 1 And it says after Eric, they have a date night weekly. And he even paired PF Changs with the vintage Dom pairing yolk.
Yeah. So it's pretty big.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I forgot about that. So it's funny that I mentioned PF Changs earlier.
And they are. She's going, she's having lunch with him.

Speaker 2 So it looks like they're doing something, but it's funny because when she comes back, like they kiss, but then she like is, they're like, they have like a long embrace, but she still doesn't, like, it's a very quick kiss.

Speaker 2 Like, she's still like, I don't want to put my lips on this man.

Speaker 1 It was kind of

Speaker 2 a weird one.

Speaker 1 I'm surprised that thing changed with Emily. She does carpool now occasionally.

Speaker 2 And then Shane took it back over.

Speaker 1 And then she took Annabelle to Paris. So they bonded.

Speaker 2 Actually, that was really nice. I actually thought that was genuinely nice.
I was like, that was a really good thing.

Speaker 2 Like, that is a good mother-daughter thing to take your daughter on vacation like that and pour some love into that, into that girl. That's, that was really good.
Unfortunately,

Speaker 1 they didn't end it with, and then she left her. Like we didn't get the full story.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, I guess it was sweet. I love the pig.
I was just here for the pig.

Speaker 2 The pig was good. The pig was good.
Emily was even good, despite all the shit I'm talking about her.

Speaker 1 I mean, very difficult. I'm not going to talk about Emily walking in and just dropping a bunch of shit onto a family.
Like, here's how you feel. Your wife's a bitch and she needs to do more for you.

Speaker 1 And you're

Speaker 1 like, leading the witness is the perfect way to put it.

Speaker 2 But I guess it's more like she wasn't totally awful. Like she did have some nice moments, but she definitely did not shine the way Angie and Melissa did.
Angie is like the star so far.

Speaker 2 Melissa, not quite as good, but did better. And now we're at Emily and it's like declining returns in terms of coziness, warm cuddles.
Anyway, the show is still better than I ever expected.

Speaker 2 So there's that. We have one last episode of Wife Swap coming up this Sunday.
It's this Sunday, Sunday, Sunday after Potomac because it's the big Wendy episode, which looks quite hilarious.

Speaker 2 So keep an eye out for that.

Speaker 1 Yes, everybody. Thank you so much for being here.
We will talk to you next time.

Speaker 1 Bye.

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Speaker 3 Picture this. You're standing on the beach when you notice something strange.
The horizon doesn't look right. At first, all you can see is a thin white line stretching as far as your eyes can see.

Speaker 3 Then, the line starts to rise. But it's not the horizon at all.
It's a wave.

Speaker 1 A 30-foot wall of water.

Speaker 3 And it's racing straight toward you. On the day after Christmas in 2004, a 9.1 magnitude earthquake hit off the coast of Indonesia, triggering a devastating tsunami.

Speaker 3 It struck Thailand without warning. No alarms, no cell phone alerts, no evacuation.

Speaker 3 In this season of Against the Odds, Odds, experience one of the deadliest natural disasters in history through the perspectives of those who did everything they could to survive.

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