#2770 Denise Richards and her Wild Things S0105: You Put My Love On Top (Chef)

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Available now at your local store. Watch What Crappens, who cares what happens when there's so much that happens? It's so funny.
Watch What Crappens, who cares what happens when there's so much that happens? Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today, it's Ronnie Karam.
Hi Ronnie, how are you? Hi. Hi.
We are recapping Denise Richards, Under Wild Things, Season 1, Episode 5. Yes, Chef is the name of the episode.
Quick reminder, we're going to be in Charlotte and Atlanta this week. So come see us there.
Go to watchfacrappens.com to get your tickets. We'll be recapping Southern Trump finale.
And then in that's in Charlotte and then in Atlanta we're going to be doing a classic Real Housewives of Orange County and that is going to be the episode season 11 episode 16 bringing up old ghosts. So we're going to have a great time in both cities.
Go to watch crappens.com to get your tickets. So now, let us go on to this episode of Denise Richards' Wild Things, like a little frothy 30-minute show to dive into midweek.
A little bon mot, if you will. Yeah, Denise Richards is very funny.
I mean, again, this is not the sort of show that I naturally gravitate towards, but she is very, very funny on camera. And she is, I'm definitely chuckling a lot more than I thought I would.
Yeah. So we opened with one of her confessionals and she's like, no, you know, I'm not crazy when it comes to getting facial stuff done.
I mean, I've done a little Botox here and there, maybe like once a year or something. But, you know, when I heard of this salmon sperm facial,

I thought, God, that's the craziest fucking thing I ever heard.

You know, it was fuck the salmon, you know?

Who even thought of that?

But someone did and saved up the sperm,

put it in my goddamn face.

Now look at me.

People were like, did you get something done?

I said, a sperm came on my face.

The salmon came on my face.

How about you?

Makes you look at bagels a little differently, huh?

So then we get the opening credits.

And then we're in Denise's bedroom.

And she and Aaron are sitting together.

And he is in his gray wardrobe.

And he has like a little helmet on.

Because, of course. I'm surprised it actually took us this many years to finally see Aaron in a helmet like this feels like it should have been part of how we met him initially a helmet with a red glow coming out of it at 50 something years old his head's still just too mushy he's got to reshape it every night god bless him it's the 5g yeah so he's doing like he has got a hair helmet on and denise is like um rubbing her face with some sort of she calls it a face gym um which is supposed to stimulate the muscles that keep them tight and young and all that fun stuff yeah so they're sitting there with their devices i'm really susceptible to buying all of this stuff on the face.

It's mostly on the Facebook, you know, and I only have Facebook really for works, you know, for reading.

Watch what crap is.

But, you know, I'm still on there and I'll still watch it for the animals hugging animal videos and stuff like that.

But I'm susceptible to all of this crap.

I have so much of this crap.

So many of these machines and gadgets and red light this and like I just got a hair removal system, i've used once because it takes forever i'm like it takes less time to shave than it does using this thing all the time like and i got one of these like face gym things that shocks your face and i put it on my face and it literally electrocuted me and then i was telling my friend and she's like oh you have to put this kind of like conducting fluid on your face or it'll shock you.

And I was like, well, why didn't anybody tell me? And she's like, you have to read the instructions. Anyway, the point is I have all this shit that I just don't use.
But I still was like, I want both of those things. Yeah.
Well, I mean, look, it's doing great work for you. Everywhere we go, people are like, Ronnie, your skin is amazing.
And then they turn to me and they're like, loved your work as the shepherd and babe. So she's rubbing her face with this dildo like thing.
And she's like, am I turning you on? He's like, yeah, it's a face gym, which makes, which makes fucking sense. Cause there's muscles in your face and you've got a helmet on your head.
So between your gym and my, my gym and your we're just two fucking hot people right now. He's like, yeah, dude.
The things you do when you get up there, huh? Yeah, that's fucking crazy. So she's like, anyway, so you know Brooke Williamson from Top Chef.
You know how obsessed we are. You know how you jerk off every time I watch her on a food network.
It's fine, you know., Aaron has given me a lot of facials, but he's nowhere close to the salmon. Hey, you know what? Do you think they got that salmon to watch Brooke Williams? God, Brooke Williams has actually made me look 10 years younger.
I need to have her over to thank her. I couldn't believe it.
I was blown away that Brooke Williamson was commenting on my video. And we see Denise doing another one of her shitty, shitty cooking videos.
I love, I love that she's messing up. I think that's, I think that we should see more mess ups in the kitchen, but Denise is really just kind of like making Play-Doh or something like that.
Like things are flying out of the, out of the stand mixer. There's like glop on the wall.
It's like, well well turns out i don't know how to make a cake out of lettuce but i tried and that's the most important part brooke is like love your work it's so great yeah and she goes let's do this together next time i'm here for you so she's like well you know i commented back and she follows me on instagram that's amazing she knows who i am you know he's like yeah that's kind know, I commented back. And she follows me on Instagram.
That's amazing. She knows who I am, you know.

He's like, yeah, that's kind of funny.

I mean, that's cute.

Who are we talking about again?

The lady you jerk off to on Food Network.

He's like, the one with the blonde spiky hair and the knee socks?

No.

The kind of gargoyle style lady that's always really mean on the competition the competition show it's like no that's Alex Cornicelli honey oh the the one with the very big head but the small body who's always passive aggressive to her sister when she goes like no that's Jada De Laurentiis not her okay well to be honest you do jerk off to the one with the blonde spiky hair again too

she doesn't follow me on instagram so yeah well i can't help it when she gets her camp counselor voice on i just get so aroused strange so um but please just don't ever jerk off to guy fieri again you know we we do have to have some lines that we don't cross this one so is so excited that Brooke follows her on Instagram. What's so funny about Denise is that Denise is a celebrity in her own right, and she was famous before Bravo, and she'll be famous after.
And she's starstruck that a top chef person follows her. And later on, when she mentions that her hall pass is Brad Pitt, it's so funny the way she funny the way she talks, like, like one of us, like if I ever met a celebrity, that would be my hall pass.
It's like, you are celebrity. You're like, you are people's hall pass, you know? Um, so, uh, I just thought that was cute.
So she's still doing her face, Jim. She's like, you know, I really want to get my own cooking show.
I'm, I'm past trying to be subtle about it. I'm just, I'm just going to be blatant.
I want to get a cooking show because I've watched a lot of Food Network. And even though I have holes in my pasta when I make it, I know I'm about 10 times better than anyone I see on that network these days.
So come on. What does a girl got to do? Yeah, no kidding.
She probably is too. So she's like, yeah, hopefully I can do it.
I don't want my show. I know, I know I'm a disaster.
He's like, you're not a disaster.

Stop saying that.

Oh, by the way, my mom called up and said that her rent is late on the house in Malibu.

So get that paid.

You know, I think that people, well, first of all, fuck your parents.

Not literally, of course.

Relax.

Second of all, you know, I think people want to see a cooking show with someone like me.

People want to see mistakes.

That's human.

You know, like the time I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with KY Jelly.

Turns out, not edible.

But yeah, you got to try it.

How else are you supposed to know?

You know, first, I need to figure out my face, I guess.

Hey, you want me to put my face, Jim, on your balls?

And he's like, actually, would you?

That sounds stimulating.

Guys, could you leave the room? We're going to fuck now gonna fuck now she's gonna fuck me with this face she's late jim he's like we're kind of alone and then we show like a wide shot of like a cameraman zoom like just holding a camera up to them while he's got like a boner is like rising like all right we're gonna have we're gonna have some sex now so we're gonna do that they're like bye this is one of the like, this is a thing that happens on Bravo a lot, where they film like a couple of films of sexy scene together and it's like, yeah, let's get it on. But you know it's all fake because there's like four people.
There's like a cameraman, a sound man, there's a producer. This is not about to turn into sex.
But in this case, I actually fully believe that when they kicked out the crew, they just started to blink. Yeah.
yeah i mean yeah fucked with the face gym listen you know you've been together long enough that you need new shit to start happening a face gym on my nuts it is let's get this going so now she's driving lola and eloise and they're gonna go see sammy because she's just had her nose surgery so um she's like so did you see your sister posted about her nose did you see it and she's like yeah i saw it on tiktok i mean where else would i see she's not gonna tell me about it so i saw it on tiktok so sammy who is was really all about being very disagreed about having a nose job because last time she got so much input and she just wanted to be subtle about this is now on tiktok and she's saying things like oh my god like she has a bandage on her nose and she's like bruised under her eyes she's like you guys i will say this my eyes look so pretty like one thing i love about the bruising is that it really makes my eyes pop i love her so i forget that i that I thought that was so good

so then Denise is like oh does it hurt your feelings

honey that she didn't share it with you

because you know she could have told you

and she didn't or you hurt

no why would I care as long as she shared it with Jesus

hopefully he was there to help me through it

oh god

you know even though Lola already knew it would have been nice for her sister

to be like by the way I just had my nose done

and just wanted you to know

I mean god are we sisters or not

Thank you. You know, even though Lola already knew it would have been nice for her sister to be like, by the way, just had my nose done and just wanted you to know.
I mean, God, are we sisters or not? Hey, you're excited to see Sammy's place. Well, I just want my top pack that she stole.
This is my favorite blue tank top that she took out of my bag at a hotel and I never saw it again. Like the color and the size like fit perfectly.
And like I asked her several times to look at it. And then we see, like, a picture of her in this tank top, like, the special, special

tank top of the gods. And she's like,

you know, it's just like, you know, it's like, it really

means a lot to me. Sam is like, I have

no idea what she's talking about.

I don't want to wear this tank top.

What goddamn shirt she's talking about.

Well, you really want to make today about a blue tank top,

honey? She's like, but I really want my tank top

back, mom. I'm like Lola, stop.
Come on. So Sammy's in her apartment.
Yeah. And Sammy's just cleaning.
She's like, well, she's taking stuff out of a bag. She's doing something.
She's got like a mess on the floor. And Denise is like, Hey, so, uh, Eloise and Lola and I are coming to drop off gifts.
Like, um, yeah, well, I, I'm not going to, no, I don't want Lola up in my apartment. Like, even though I know we shook hands at a fish shack, I just don't really feel comfortable having her in my apartment yet.
So I'm going to have to, I'm going to have to deny her. So Denise is like, oh, well, okay, well, that's too bad.
I'm like, if that were my mom, my mom would be like, now you listen here, Sammy, she is your sister and she's coming to your apartment. I don't want to hear anything about it.

But I can't believe Denise is just like, okay, well, this is a totally obnoxious move, but I guess I can't do anything about it.

Oh, well.

Yeah.

So Lola's like, see, I told you she wouldn't want to see me.

She's probably wearing my tank top.

Hey, it's pretty rude, honey.

I'm really sorry about it.

But I want my tank top back.

It's so cute.

Where else am I going to get a light blue tank top? By she's wearing a light top a light blue tank top right now in this scene she's like it's just like I really like that tank top and it's just like really so sad and I prayed to Jesus about it so many times I was like I'm praying about the tank top that will come back into my life and Jesus is like why are you so like concerned about material things I'm like thank you for acknowledging it was a good material on me. And he was like, I don't think you got my point.

I was like, I do get your point.

I just want my tank top back.

And she's like, Lola, you have to stop.

She's like, Mom.

What?

Just get my tank top back, please.

Jesus.

Finally, I'm converting you.

So we go to Sammy's apartment and she says hi to Eloise.

She's like, hi, Eloise.

What's on my face?

Do I look scary? And she's like, yeah. Eloise, like Eloise's inner thoughts are like, yeah, you fucking do, but I'm still traumatized for mom's only fan pictures being on my iPad.
So we're good. I'm just trying not to make eye contact with any of you people.
So then like Eloise gives her flowers and Sam is like, oh, thank you, Eloise. That's so sweet.
She's like, they're from Lola. She's like, oh, I thought they're from Eloise.
She's like, well, I'll tell Lola you like them. She's like, please don't.
No, she's like, yeah, one of the main reasons I started my OnlyFans was to have my own money to get my own apartment, a new car and my boobs done, and a new nose. So, I'm really checking off the list.

You know, I love that Sammy

is becoming a strong woman, and she's just,

you know, she's a little stubborn, you know?

And we cut to Lola

sitting downstairs in, like, the lobby

just waiting

for her mom to be done

shooting her scene with Lola. But actually,

I mean, with Sammy, but Lola actually seems

quite content. She's just even, like, having some avocado toast.
Yeah. She's just chilling with some avocado toast and coffee.
Looking at her phone, she doesn't care. If you're going to be completely, you know, othered by your sister, at least she has a decent lobby to hang out in.
At least give me a taco. Yeah.
Oh, am I going to have avocado toast after this? As soon as i said that i was like i would love some avocado toast right now so sammy's like i don't even know what fucking tank top she's talking about ask her about half the shit she stole from my closet like i have like a light up corset where's that you know where's my fucking neon thong ask her about that you know he was much easier when they were younger you know i could just like make the girls apologize there's something stupid some fucking bullshit like clothing and jewelry but you know nowadays still one tank top that's goddamn world war three i can't do anything about it you know i'm it's a lot i've got to juggle aaron's balls my daughter's that's It's too much for someone. It's a tank top.
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So now let's go to the Barcelona bar where Kathy Hilton is coming to meet Denise for drinks and she's like, I'm all the short name, okay, short name, something to relax my shoulders. Right? I just found out you're not supposed to be putting blush on your lips.
I feel like a new woman. So then Denise and Kathy just like chatting about their kids and everything.
And Denise is like, yeah, no, my daughters, they could not be more different. Okay, one's on OnlyFans.
One is doing prayers for Taco Tuesday. It is a wild ride over there.
And she's talking about how she likes that Kathy has fucked up kids, too, because she understands, you know. And she's like, you know, Sammy was just so out of control.
And it started really affecting Lola and Eloise. And Kathy's like, well, you know, Paris was like that.
And I think now she's starting to realize that she was totally out of control. I mean, she would be gone for days, skipping school.
That girl was a runner. You know, she was a runner.
She ran from so many schools. Finally, I had Dr.
Phil kidnap her in a white van and take her away. And I't know chain her up to something and that seemed to help

a little bit she learned to dj so that was good whatever that means yeah you know i am so proud of her she has taken her pain and turned it into a purpose she is just um i guess just living life doing not really much these days but you know what when it comes to paris just doing the bare minimum I'm happy for her.

Yeah.

So then

a server comes up and he's like, oh, do you want some prickly pear juice? And she's like, oh, prickly, what's that? It's like a pear? Why does it have, why has it got prickles on it? That doesn't sound right. It's a kind of fruit, man.
I don't believe that. Fucking prickles.
I've had enough prick today enough prick today, all right? Have you ever used a face workout on a dude's nuts? Good God. By the way, do I look younger? Not particularly.
Well, that didn't work. I had to fucking try it.
You do smell fishier, though. I was wondering if there was...
We were seated next to a dumpster. So the server comes by and he's like, and so he starts pouring these prickly pear shots, like right from like out of this jug from the spout directly into their mouths.
I was like, can we use a glass? Have we forgot about infectious diseases? Cause that spout full on touch Kathy's lips. And I'm like, um, now we got Kathy Hilton's blush lips all over the rim of that thing.

And anytime you pour prickly pear juice into anyone's mouth, you're getting Kathy's blush.

And I'm not down with that.

And Denise is like, well, this ain't my first time at this road.

You go ahead.

Kat's like, I'd like some more of that.

So that was a wacky scene.

So then we go to Denise in her kitchen and Brooke comes over over and she's like hey it's me brooke i was so nervous to meet you i'm so starstruck brooks oh god i love you my husband has masturbated you so many times is that weird to say he's gonna be here soon hopefully he'll keep it in his pants am i right right yeah i don't know if you've heard this before but i really want a cooking show and like i just learned so much from you and just like you were just you were just kind enough to comment on some of my videos like don't put the spoon into the microwave that was that was funny it's too late but you know it was funny and i'm just so you know i'm so used to people saying negative stuff like if you don't cook the chicken you're going to poison people or i can't believe you uh serve that rancid meat to all your friends and you know i'm just i don't know i get so insecure now i really like the one where you told me that lizards don't eat paella gonna save me a lot of cleanup so thanks for that you know i watch all your stuff online you know all those tv shows and stuff that you're on you know husband gets so horny and now listen he's never been as horny as when he watches what he calls diners drive-ins and dicks he really loves that one you know that guy guy don't ever introduce him to aaron telling you yeah yeah aaron aaron says he always talks about triple d um and uh it turns out has a lot of meanings for him so uh yeah he loves it and brooke Brooke is like, oh, that's great. This is really exciting.
I'm just going to work on keeping my enthusiasm high because Bravo wants me to appear on your show right now to help promote the fact that there's a new season of Top Chef. So yeah, God, I love that.
Those chefs, they really don't mess up on that show. Have they ever thought about having a show called Bottom Chef? Because I think I'm going to be really good on that one.
You know, let me tell you, I know a lot of bottoms. They're good cooks.
I don't know where it comes from. You know, I've worked with huge movie stars, okay? My first day on the James Bond movie, I worked with Judi Dench, and she threw an apple core at my head.
She said, get out of here, peasant. And I was so fun.
And I was peeing my pants, quite literally. I judy was judy judy was like god i'm judy dench but you could be called judy stench which i thought was that that was a little on the meaner side but you know it was an honor to be to be working with her i say judy dench why don't you talk much and she said because i have actual lines in this film you stupid slag and then she threw me a sweater and told me to get off the set.
So that was fun.

That was a good one.

Oh, God. But, you know, I think

what makes me feel vulnerable being

with a celebrity chef is that

I watch on TV is that I'm just

out of my comfort zone, you know?

She's not throwing a tuna sandwich at my head.

She's not asking me where I went to acting

school and then just give me a little chuckle

afterwards when I say I taught myself.

She's just happy to see me, and I don't know what to do with that.

So she's like, well, we're going to make something out of your cookbook with figs, so that's going to be fun.

She goes, yeah, it's really fun.

Have you ever heard of a prickly fig?

Do they have those?

Or is your figs just not fucking freaky like that?

I'm telling you,

I had a pair earlier. They couldn't stop

getting a boner around me.

Question. That's about.

What? Okay, question.

If we cut a fig in half and scoop out

the inside and put the top of it onto

my squirrel friend out there, will he get

more hair on his head? It'll be like a little

squirrel hair helmet.

Just wondering.

I'm going to fuck Aaron with a prickly fig later. You got me on you? So, all right.
What figs? Let's do that. She's like, yeah, it's fun.
You know, it's relatively simple. Oh, God, that was my first film review.
Someone called me relatively simple. Was that a compliment? It was written by Judi Dench.
I didn't even know she did film criticism. It did arrive on a sticky note on my dressing room door.
Maybe it wasn't film criticism now that I think about it. She also spray painted asshole on my car.
That's the last time I paid for a Porsche. I'm a waste of money.
So Brooke's like, alright well we're gonna do a spicy cucumber passion fruit mezcal margarita i i don't know what half those things are and it sounds like too much why can't we just do a shot of tequila it's much faster but whatever it sounds delicious so we see them cooking and or you know preparing this margarita stuff and saying oh wow that's great uh- great. Uh-oh, Boner's here.
And Aaron comes in. He's like, hey, guys, hey.
Just taking all of Denise's clothes and handing them to my family back in Malibu. How's everything going in here, guys? How's it going? It's great.
We made margaritas. I know what you're thinking.
Is this another one of my ecto cooler and vodka cocktails? But no, this is a real margarita and you're gonna enjoy it oh yeah niece i hope you don't mind that my husband really wants to meet you he's like oh i've i've know so much about you i watch your show every night you know because she has it on every night she's like oh yeah you like watching it too honey let's not pretend listen he watches it one-handed you know what i mean yeah i'm not gonna lie i get pretty turned on i jerk off with my left hand and i hold a magnet on my forehead with my right hand it's pretty intense so tell me verizon or cricket like uh excuse me one's 5g and one's not what's your answer gonna be do not give me a softy right now i'm basically tented i'm tented and ready to go she's like um is mint mobile an option that ma'am is the correct answer i knew i jerked off to you for a reason so he's like what's going on and she's like oh hey by the way you're my husband's hall pass if you don't know what that is that's when he can fuck somebody all right it's a celebrity is that celebrity. It's you.
He's going to fuck you. My husband wants to fuck you.
Are we getting all this on the iPhone? Good. I asked Judy Dench.
I asked her, Judy, who her hall pass was. And she said Anthony Hopkins.
She was actually very forthcoming about it. It was shocking.
You know what was kind of flattering me? Because she told me that I'm her only pass. So that was nice.
Every time I came out on set, she would just go, pass. It was nice.
Nice lady. She's a real sweetheart underneath it all.
Kind of looks like an owl in like a tutorial. You know, if they're teaching you like, here's the owl to tell you something.
She kind of looks like that. But I like it.
I need a tutorial. Have you ever heard of owl sperm being used on anything? Try that out.
Hey, Brooke, you could give an owl a boner. Hey, would you try it, actually? You know, Judy didn't really like it very much when I mashed up some salmon roe and tried to spread it on her forehead.
She had to have a consultation with the producers. I got a reprimand, but it was worth it because she had lovely skin, actually.
You know, her has a crush on her and that's okay. And he's like, whoops, he's a beautiful woman.
Okay, here's my hall pass. Brad Pitt.
You know what I really love about him? Not only is he fucking hot, he's just so good with kids. You know, I loved him in that movie about upstate New York.
What was it called? Troy? Great movie. That was a good one.
Watch your ankles. You know, Scott, speaking of bottoms in the kitchen.
You know, the thing is this. I love animals.
I welcome every animal into my house. So when Brad did a movie called 12 Monkeys, I mean, I've had a lady boner ever since.
You know, it's funny. When Brooke went to rehab, she left 12 monkeys in a cage on my doorstep.
Fucking bitch. I built them in town.
We put them in the master suite. And then I got a bunch of little hats.
I named one of them Judy. And then immediately, as soon as I did that, the monkey stopped talking to me.
It was very, very strange. She's like, all right.
So Aaron's like, well, you know, I mean, it was nice that you got to hang out with her. She was lovely, babe.
Lovely. And she's like, yeah, I'm going to go pee while you finish talking about your hall, pal.
Probably going to do it on a salmon or something. Return the favor.
She literally gets up and pees. So now Aaron's like, thank you for this margarita it's delicious i can't even get the words out of my mouth because i am so sexually aroused by you right now and brooke's like oh great um well i don't know if i've ever been anyone's hall pass i don't know if i'm even my husband's hall pass ah anyway i'm really honored yeah you really, he really wanted to come.
Did you come,

honey? Did you come? Keep trying.

Just through your pants. We don't want to be disgusting, but you know.
Brooke, could you just

stand there? What?

Hold the prickly fig. Hold the prickly.

All right. He's almost done.
And Aaron?

Aaron? Okay, he came. Aaron, don't

wipe yourself off. Brooke, this was great.

We like to collect his sperm.

We use half of it to make our

skins look better and half of it to make our own types of

margaritas. God, we really need our own cooking show.

We will be back now the real recipes. Now, listen, I've spent so much time testing these and I'm going to make them user-friendly.
Okay, so how about you make these recipes? I would love that. So today is black mission figs with pistachio relish and warm honey chorizo.
When she said that, I was like, this is so chef-y. I'm like over it.
So then Denise is like, you know, just an everyman dish. Black mission figs with pistachio relish and honey chorizo.
I was like, figs are like only good for like one week a year. This is a ridiculous recipe.
So Denise is like, okay, I'm going to heat the pan. All right.
All right. Okay.
So what, what piece of meat goes into the blender? She's like, um, there's no meat and we don't need a blender. Are you sure? What if I put the blender in the oven? How about that? That's a nice touch, right? She's like, no, just preheat the pan.
Can you do that? She's like, well, you preheat pan. Is that a thing that people do? You preheat a pan? What if I burn it? Because I burn everything.
You know, there's a weird sausage casing that looks like a condom. Aaron won't wear those.
What do you think about that? Hey, Aaron, come in here and fill it up. He won't.
He won't, even for you, Brooke. How about we take, okay, how about we slice open the sausage, take the meat, put it on some rice, and be like, sushi, sausage, sushi.
That's raw sausage meat? Yeah, it's like sushi, right? No, but you can't have that. Look, when I get my cooking show, this is the first recipe I make, and I tell you, people are going to love it.
And Brooke's like, look at me, just standing here drinking a margarita while you make the peanut butter and jelly sandwich of the chef world. Most simple dish of all time.
Am I right? It's amazing. So she's like, my thing here, when I made this cookbook, I really wanted it for regular simpletons.
So I'm just going to sit here and I'm not going to do a single thing because I want to see how well you can do my dish. It'll be hilarious.
Okay, well, you're not chopping that right. Okay, I'll just take over.
I'll take over. Because then Brooke does everything.
Yeah, she does. She's like, do you know how to mint the shallot? She's like, why would a shallot need a mint? I mean, what is that, bad breath? What is a shallot? Is that a type of animal? What is a shallot, a mouse? What is it? Like, okay, I'll do that.
Is that like the girl who's on Cheers, shallot long? No, no, that's... I'm not going to dignify that answer.
God, I hated that bitch. I almost kicked her ass to the club one time.
I said, get the stick out of your ass, right? God, I'll tell you one thing. That's how Judi Dench and I finally bonded.
She hates her, too. You know, fun story.
Christmas, Dr. Christmas Jones was originally supposed to be played by Shelley Long and she was such a biatch that Judy insisted that she get kicked off the movie yeah Judy Dench called her Shelley Long winded C word that was pretty good oh god what a fun time we had so they make this thing and I was like ugh this recipe is so chefy and then when it that was done, I was like, that looks amazing.
I want to make it. Yeah, it did look good.
I was like, damn it, it looks so good. Do I have to get Brooks's cookbook? Because now I want to buy it.
I don't need more cookbooks. But based on that recipe alone, I was like, fuck, this promotion worked 100% on me.
And Denise is like, you know, out of all the cooking videos I've done, this is the first time I've ever finished. And actually Aaron finished too.
You finished, right? And it's like, yeah, this is great, Brooke. Brooke is like, I'm highly disturbed.
But honestly, for me as a chef, watching you pull this whole thing together, and by you pulling it together, I mean, watching me as I cooked for you, even though you were so unsure of yourself it was just so wonderful and satisfying and it's a real testament to how great my cookbook is which is available on amazon now so she leaves and then um now denise and sammy are writing to post-op to check on her nose because she's still got her bandages on so she's like like, are you excited, honey? You're about to see your new baby nose.

She's like, yeah, but I'm also nervous because like, oh my God, what if my nose is

too skinny now? Like, what if he took too much?

I mean, we never should have trusted a guy that looked

like Steve Carell in The Office. Like, why

are we doing this?

You know, I would spend hours every

day just like editing my nose before

I could post photos publicly. I just hate

my nose. I hate that enormous, massive

bump in my nose. You know,

with my boobs, it was like, fine. But like this, this

Thank you. day just like editing my nose before i could post photos publicly i just hate my nose i hate that enormous massive bump in my nose you know with my boobs it was like fine but like this this this this changes everything this changes my life and denise is like really you know i loved your old nose it was great i mean she said well it's gone forever thank god mother yeah so they go to the doctor and he's like hello he does that real tight steve carellll smile.
He's like, how are we doing in here? Looking at the camera. And here we go, guys.
Yeah, let's do it. Let's start removing that bandage.
Oh, my God, I'm so scared. What if my nose is horrible? No one's ever going to want to fuck my nose again.
This is terrible. And so she's really happy and she's saying how she wanted it for so long and this is how she would

this is exactly how I would facetune it

it's amazing I'm like pre-facetuned

but like it felt i mean my instinct was to be like this is so silly they took like a fraction of an like of a centimeter off of it but that being said you know when you're insecure about a body part i get it i get it so i was actually happy for her yeah denise is like. I'm crying.
You included me. That was so nice.
You included the woman who ruined your life by having the most perfect nose on earth. Every day I would go to bed and I'd say, God, if you're there, one, please tell Emilio Estevez to stop sending me memes because really.
And two, just God, share my nose with other people. It doesn't have to have to just stay on me give other people the opportunity to have such a fucking amazing nose am i right i mean you know it's so hard as a mom to see sammy not know how other people see her and how beautiful she really really is and i had to remember how i felt at 19 when i had my surgery and thinking how insecure i was but knowing that someday I would cross paths with Judi Dench and I just have much bigger tits than her.
And that really made me happy. You know, I told her, honey, how can you not know how much people love you? I mean, you've literally got thousands of people jerking off to you every day.
What do you want? You're like the Brooke Williamson of OnlyFans. So, so Sammy's like, this is literally the best day of my life.
She's so happy that she starts talking like Lola. Did you notice that her voice changed? Her like her high, like the lilting voice that is somehow hereditary between like Denise and Charlie Sheen, like comes back at like, so Sammy goes from being like, Oh, some Sammy to like, this is literally like the best day of my life.
Like, I am so happy right now. I'm so happy I became wholesome like Lola for one brief second, but it's gonna go away tomorrow.
But for right now, I'm wholesome. It's just like, well, I'm happy you included me.
It's just, well, I just didn't want you in my surgery because you have so much anxiety about dying under anesthesia. She goes, I'm not afraid of dying.
I'm just afraid they're going to put me under and I'm never going to wake up again. Mom, that's what dying is.
She's like, ow. And then next week, Denise, I win though top 1% of creators on OnlyFans.
And then Aaron's doing a photo shoot for Denise and he's like, yeah, yeah. And then we see Patrick Muldoon and he wants to do some sort of...
I feel like we should not have seen Patrick Muldoon again. I like the image that I had of Patrick Muldoon that was frozen in time.
Yeah, Patrick Muldoon's doing that aging thing where he's just like dyeing his hair weird colors that only old men use. Don't use that color.
It's a terrible red no yeah shave it you know i wonder like us seeing patrick moldoon was that like how it was like for people to see um um eileen davidson's husband for the like for the first time in several decades because he was like a child star a teen star in the in the 70s 60s and 70s right and then you see him and it's like whoa what was his name dickie van patten or something like that um i wonder if like that's how we feel when like that's how people felt seeing him the way we feel seeing patrick moldy yeah it's crazy and it's not even an ageism thing it's just like a proper age thing like you know if your hair is starting to look like that thinny old like straw-yy kind of thing, don't be dyeing it purple or red or whatever. No, no, no.
Someone help him. He's still a hot man.
Just somebody help him. Fix him.
He's fixable. I'll fix him.
Yeah. Everyone's fixable.
Hamilton, give me a ring. I'll fix you.
Big Hamilton. Yeah.
Anyway, that was it for Denise Richards. Fun times.
Thanks, everyone, for being here. Catch us on the road this weekend or subsequent weekends, or just hang out here.
That's fine, too. Go to WatchWhatCrapins.com, though, if you want to get your tickets or to see the schedule.
And we will catch you on the very next episode. Bye, everyone.
And bye. Watch What Crappins would like to thank its premium sponsors.
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