#2768 Below Deck Down Under S03E07: Letters From a Go-Go Poet

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Today is below. Oh, did you find it? Yeah, I found it.
I found it, everyone. The episode we are doing in Atlanta is Orange County, Bringing Up Old Ghosts, Season 11, Episode 16, which is the Ireland episode.
It's one of the two Ireland episodes. This is the one where I think that they get Kelly drunk, and then there's a fight in the bus at the end of the episode.
So it's a really classic, hilarious show, and we are going to have a lot of fun recapping it down in Atlanta. Yeah, so come check that out.
So let's hit up some Below Deck down under Season 3, Episode 7, Declaration of Love. So it's 7 a.m., or it's right before the charter.
And Harry's checking in on Brie and asking if she slept well. I mean, the chemistry is off the charts with these two.
And she said she did sleep well. So that's a love story if I ever heard one.
Yeah. And he gives her a little peck.
And she's just like, make a move. Make a move.
Do something. Then we go to Serena and Alicia, who is the new sous chef.
And they're very excited for their first day. And then Johnny comes in all creepily.
I mean, I know he thinks he's romantic. He doesn't come off as romantic.
He really does come off as a salty, and I need him to back down a little bit he's like hello it was so nice dancing with you yesterday and she's like yeah it was good fun yeah yeah i hope you i didn't make you feel awkward or anything uh do you feel better now that my hand is on your boob how does that i know i uh hope i didn't make you feel awkward or anything when i went in and tried to kiss you after knowing you for 35 minutes. Just say, I'm sorry for making it awkward.
Not, I hope I didn't. Because it's like, you did make it.
You know you made it awkward. You know you made it awkward enough that you are coming down into the galley the next day to have to say this.
So when people are like, oh, I hope I didn't make it awkward. It's like, of course you did.
And now I have to pretend like you didn't. Well, she doesn't really feel like it was too awkward.
She's like, whatever. You know, she's like, okay.
I think she actually likes him. Yeah, she seems to like him.
And he's like, I know it was too much, especially for your first day. So day two, impregnation.
Meet me on deck. She's like, no, there was nothing wrong.
It was quite good fun. It's just that it's my first day on a reality show and I don't want to totally embarrass myself this quickly.
Yeah, I just wanted to make sure that the rest of the guys weren't fuckwits, and they are, so full steam ahead. I know, right? He's like, last night I went in for a kiss and it was a little bit out of character for me.
You know, in Greece, we have Greece, green gods, Aphrodite, Eros, and they're definitely knocking on my door from being cold in my heart you know the arrow pretend to get shot in chest with arrow or cupid dionysus yogurt i feel warmer you'll see i have heart and love in me now even his view of love is so violent he's like and then i love my shooting heart. She fall down, she plead all over ground, and we marry.
Jesus. Calm down, sir.
So Jason is announcing that the jet ski replacement has just arrived. Thankfully, it's wearing a kimono by Captain Slange.
Please pick that up. It's a beautiful accessory for your jet ski.
So Ray and Marina are doing some rooms and the vet crew's doing jet skis and now Serena is announcing it's time to do the fridge and freezer just going through like moldy veg basically and so they do that so then Vian and Lara are catching up and she's asking how his night was and he's like um he's basically like well i told her i told i told zarina i was interested in someone else and she's like oh and zarina took it okay she's well yes and then she caught me of guard before just before my cabin and she was like kiss me now and so we kissed and um you know but it wasn't me she was she was kissing me was kissing me. And she's like, so you just like, why would you do this? And he keeps on acting all passive.
This is such the classic thing. This is like a Carl, Carl Radke thing.
He's like, no, I didn't kiss her. She kissed me.
I just happened to be there. Like, sir, we saw you.
You two were both kissing. And if you didn't want to kiss her, you could have walked away.
You know exactly how to diffuse that situation. And you're acting like, oh, no.
And this is not a victim-blaming situation because this is a situation where he is enjoying doing this. This sounds like problematic language, but I'm totally backing it when it comes to Vian.
Because I think he was totally down for it, but he doesn't want to have any of the responsibility or the accountability that comes along with this. Well, he has none.
I think he has no accountability with this because she pulled him into the thing. She kissed him.
Yeah, he kissed her back, but he had just told her he's not into her. So, and he's like, well, she knows where she's standing with me.
And Laura's like, don't mess with my girls. But yeah, I mean, I think Serena knows, right? Serena doesn't seem to be, you know, thinking they're married or not or anything.
I think Serena's like, okay. But I'm just saying on his part, like, he's the sort of person that he's like, oh, yeah.
No, I said this last week. You know, he's the sort of one who's like, I mean, he's going to establish these boundaries.
So that way he can say he's established the boundaries. then when stuff happens he'd be like but i established a boundary you can't be mad at me so he did establish a boundary which is unlike i think a lot of these fuck boys do the thing where they're like well i'm not sure and i'm not sure i want a relationship and that's their boundary where they're like they're kind of trying to have their cake and need it to which is all saying for the week in case anybody wants to really argue what it means deeply um but yeah i think he wants to have it both you know most guys want to have it both ways on these shows where they're like i'm just not sure i'm ready for a relationship but we can see where this goes where he was like no i like that other girl you know i like forrest gump and then you know i think that was a little clearer at least i don't know why i'm standing up for veon but i know i'm surprised because you know ben did this on below deck remember when he was with that lady um sunny and i hate to bring us back to ben and sunny but he basically breaks up with sunny and then she's like fine and then he like he's like, oh, well, now I'm going to start making out with you.
And it's like, I think some weird, it's a weird, not strategy. It's like a thing.
It's a tactic that I feel like fuckboys do when they don't want to be held responsibility for the emotional elements that come with a hookup or a relationship. and just think it's just like i what i hate is the beyond just acting all passive in it like oh he wasn't even part of this he was you know he just got roped in it's like you were an active part of this beyond and you're acting like you're not and i'm just not here for it the only thing you've been active with this entire episode i'd like to add well i guess my thing is beyonds like such such a douchebag and such a a sad worker for the rest of this like there's so many other reasons to be mad at him but i think for this show it was he was at least pretty clear whereas most most guys i think would just lead all three on whereas he was at least like no i like this one and now i'm gonna write her you know i going to write her letters on the little free notebook you get on your Marriott

nightstand. Yeah, well, okay, I'll give him

credit for being a little clearer than most of the

fuckboys, but I still think that like

he's just going

down very rapidly for me.

Also, Serena's just getting on my nerves because

like, he said no. Like

get some self-respect, Serena.

Like, I love Serena, so I don't like

watching Serena be like, oh, but let's see if I can still try it.

Stop it.

Just stop it.

So now we go back to the galley,

and she's talking to Alicia,

and she's like, so have you done some cooking?

She's like, well, I don't want to disappoint you.

You know I've got a passion for it,

but I'm not really a chef.

Just hand me a chili and something green.

Let's get going, shall we? I know. It's like's like well i wouldn't expect you to be a chef at 25 anyway she's like well i'd love to learn anything i can from you but whatever whatever you need i'll do my best to help now tell me what is salt it's like oh dear so um basically zarina's gonna have her start off making crew food and then go from there and then alicia tells us about her background, and she says that she has no official training, but she has a lot of passion, which is great.
But if I'm on a five-star yacht, I want to be like, well, this soup tastes like mud, but it also tastes like passion. So I'm going to keep eating it.
I want the training, too, not just the passion. Well, you know, some of us just watch, you know, Food Network.
Okay? Still learn to cook. Watch a couple of YouTubes.
You can learn. Can you learn to cook on the Food Network these days? Can you? Searing commentary from Ben Mandelker.
Anyway, she's going to compete against Guy Fieri and learn how to chase a can down a grocery aisle or whatever the fuck he's doing these days. You can learn to mix bubble gum and duck confit together in a box.
So her other big story is, the other thing, I'm one of four sisters. And I have a twin sister.
And she plays such a pivotal role in my life. I'm obsessed with her.
I want to be her, that goddamn bitch. One day I'll be her.
So I've decided to cook and just try my own thing, you know. Because before, all I would really do is put pictures of my twin sister, which were basically me, but then I'd put pins through their head every day.
And I started to get a headache and I said, goddammit, karma, can you pay attention? We're twins! Nobody could tell us apart, unless it came to our report cards or boys that wanted to date us or cars that our parents bought us yeah you know we were both like so together and then my identity was bound to her completely and then she moved on she got a boyfriend moved to australia did everything she could to get away from me and i kind of hit a low point and i started going out more partying more doing anything to mask the feeling of being alone, which is my way of saying, I wound up in the gutter and food saved me. Thank you.
Thank you. I'm a chef.
And she's like, and you know, now she's got her own life. She's out in Australia, which is wonderful.
And it's now it's time to grow up and learn how to make things that have a taste that hides the poisoning that I'm going to feed her one day on a goddamn wedding night.

It's great. It's going great.

Now that my twin sister

has moved off to Australia from England,

it's time for me to establish my own identity

by being on

Below Deck Australia.

They're like, what's your name? Ashley?

I'm sorry, I thought your name was Alicia. No, i'm ashley i'm very happy i have a boyfriend please let me embezzle your money she's just gonna do one of those shows where she turns into the twin just to fuck oh yeah but there's never was a twin oh the best i love i love twin intrigue it's so good played by michelle geller It is always always good whether like whether it turns out there's a secret twin or whether there's you've always known about the twin but like they have a competition it just always works out well in stories yeah has there ever been a dull twin I don't know oh yeah there's a lot of real Jersey.
Yeah. I mean, how can you call them dull?

One of them fucked their mother.

One of them had a husband who fucked the mother, right?

That's true.

And they would meet and have culottes at Dunkin' Donuts.

Yeah, they're exciting.

They're exciting twins.

Okay. So Harry and Johnny are talking about the new girl

because Harry's so, you know, thirsty for the tea.

He's like, so you and the new girl, tell me the tea won't tell anybody except brianna and all the girls and cleaning of course what's going on he's like i like her oh my heart i've been shot i'm bleeding bleeding on the ground fucking heroes death by cupid and he's like well you know don't remember there's no rush is there my recommendation give her a kiss and then give

her a second kiss two weeks later and he's like got it so then marina is asking brie about her and harry and she's like well i think we're both kind of shy and it's kind of tough i mean where are the conversations this morning he passed by me and kissed me on the ear and he still hasn't talk to me about it. What did it mean?

I know.

She's just in an existential

spiral because of harry which is amazing just quietly on the side of the show it just always cuts her being like huh i'm having some trouble opening up the peanut butter does this mean something about me and harry what does it mean and she's like you know i was hoping to see where head's at, but oh my gosh, it's just, I'm just gonna get tired of this questioning game. I mean, this morning he said, how's your morning? What am I supposed to do with that? Did he mean this time zone or in America? Because it's not morning in America.
It's so confusing. So then Leon is talking to Zarina and he's like, well, I think that Laura's angry at me.
She's like, well at me she's like well what did you do to her i didn't do anything um and then laura walks right in with that she's really growing to hate veon which i love like we've been waiting for this i think we thought this was going to happen a few episodes ago so it's been kind of like come on laura be exasperated and she's getting there so'm very happy. And she just sees him and she's like, he's been kissing too many girls, including you, Serena, you slut.
Yeah, and he's like, too many? What did I kiss? There's six girls on this boat. Oh, and you're going to get through all of them, I'm sure.
And he's like, well, are you going to apologize to me, Laura? And she's like, no, I apologize to you, you slut? Wipe your face. Why is it always oily? How is your face oily every single time I see you? And that's one of the things I wonder about him because, you know, I'm a big fan of argan oil.
That's what I put on my skin. So I have an oily tint to me as well.
Not tint, but sheen. I have like an oily sheen.
I never think of an oily sheen. Really? Well, sometimes I'll show up like fresh out of the shower and I'll be a little sheeny.
But it's because I love an argan oil, you know. But I don't know what his deal is.
Because he's all, have you noticed he's always shiny? Well, it could be that it's like massively hot and humid there. And maybe he just has oily skin.
He might just have, he just might have, he just might be an oily skinned person. And he's just so sexual.
He's always lubed. He's always ready.
He's lubed up. He's ready.
So Zarina tells us, at this point, I think Vian and I are just flirty friends and that probably shouldn't drink around each other. And Vian is obviously a shit stirrer.
So let's be clear. I would, I would definitely hook up with him though.
A little muscle man. muscle man been waiting two seasons on the show to get some good action so um then marina is like finds a bit a singular hair in the middle of the bed under the under the comforter i don't know how she did that that's like some talk about how she did it i don't really understand marina's process here i know everybody's like, oh my God, Marina, you're amazing in housekeeping.

If I saw this in housekeeping, I would decapitate her. Okay, this is what she did.
Whoa. Sorry.
It's an extreme day, okay? I locked myself out of the house. It's been a rough morning.
So here's how she did it. She's at the foot of the bed.
She gets on her knees at the foot of the bed. She untucks the comforter and then she puts it over her head and slides up halfway into the bed and then slides her head back out the bed and goes, look, I found a hair.
How many hairs do you think are in there now? Exactly. You just left 10 more hairs at least, at the very least 10 hairs.
It was way more hair now. Off with the hair.
Or the hair. Well, the hair's already off.
So I agree. I felt like that was a counterproductive way to remove a single hair.
You know, like it was a Pyrrhic victory, as they would say, which is where you win the battle. But you win the battle, but you lose the war.
The reason why I know this is because I went on a cruise. And back in 2018, everyone may remember, I was gone for a week.

I went on a cruise with my family

and one of the stops was Albania.

And I was like,

well, I'm going to go to Albania.

When am I ever going to go there?

And this is,

as you may remember,

I asked my tour guide

if he had heard of Bliona,

who this is a real deep cut

because if you know who Bliona is,

one of the stars of Euros of Hollywood.

Fuck you, I'm famous, famous.

A fully underrated Bravo show that only had one season bravo had like a series of great one season wonders back in like around 2015 anyway uh the tour guide was very proud that there was a battle in albania where this albanian leader named like scant scandavall scandavall something like that scant scandavall won against the Ottomans. The pure victory is when you put an apple against a pear and a pear wins because it's got some fuzz on its belly.
I'm a lawyer and a storyteller. I'm sorry.
I went into Craig. But anyway, the point is that there was a battle that happened in Albania that was like

won the battle,

staved off the Ottomans for like a heartbeat.

But then like the Ottomans came through anyway and they lost the war and it

became known as a Pyrrhic victory.

That is your history lesson today,

everyone.

You're welcome.

The Ottoman also lost the war of the couch because the couch always gets it back and the ottoman doesn't the ottoman's just kind of there it's like optional can't just win this is sorry ottomans sorry for your empire ottoman ottoman i mean it's funny to think that our little sweet ottomans next to our sofas had an empire at one point they did and now they're like god damn it you guys remember the time where we were actual beings and we weren't just things that people put their feet on? Now they're just like sidekicks to sofas. There was a time when we were the leaders.
Soakks were our sidekicks. That doesn't even make sense.
God, no one cares if I get a stain. Yeah.
By the way, I think I just want to say, because I know I'm going to get some emails that the leader, whose name I forgot, Skanda something, a very important person in Albanian history, was not part of this battle. It was King Pyrrhus.
And so that's why it's called a Pyrrhic victory, because it was King Pyrrhus who did love that victory. Okay, so it's a great story, everyone.
And this all, of course, relates to Below Deck, because this is, of course, a great illustration of the P to Below Deck because this is of course

a great illustration of the Peric victory is Marina's hair coming out while she

removes a single hair under a comforter.

If King Pyrrhus knew that one day this is what he'd be reduced to. Below Deck

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You can listen to Even the Royals early and ad-free by joining Wondery Plus. So Serena is talking about making toasties for crew lunch, and Alicia's like, is there a toastie machine?

Excuse me, you lazy ass.

Apparently there is a toastie machine.

What is a toastie machine?

A toaster?

Is it a toaster?

I assume it's a toaster.

You know, but the thing is this, you've got a flat top, make it on the flat tops, right?

Like, I've become, I'm a latent life convert to toasting bread in a skillet i this is something i never even really knew as a true option until i was listening to a podcast called the recipe which i love with kenji lopez alt and and deb perlman and they talked about toasting bread in a skillet and i was like i'm gonna try it and i'm telling you if you've got like a nice piece of bread and you toast in a skillet it is life changing. It is so much better than a toaster or a toaster oven.
That's how I make my bagel sandwiches. You just put it right into a skillet? Yeah.
I've made you one. Get out.
Yeah. It gets such a beautiful char.
Yeah. You put some butter on there, though, the way I do it.
And then you cook the shit out of those bagels until they're nice and brown, toasting, buttery.y. Okay, so there's a toasting machine.
So now it's four hours till charter and Vion and Adair are washing the deck and Vion's like, oh, I think I should share something with you. And she's like, a beer, a coarse light, bud light, whatever it is, I'm down.
No, yes, but I don't know if you know what's going on. I really don't know what's going on.
What are you trying to say to me? You have to give me a little bit more context. And he's like, well, it's a little bit of a thing going on with Marina and Zarina.
Oh, they rhyme. Yeah, I got that.
I know about that. Okay, back to work.
No, no, no, no, no. There's more to it than that? How can there be more to it? I used to date

a guy named Bill, and I also dated another

guy named Will. It was the most confusing shit

I ever heard in my life. Is that what's happening

to you? Yeah, one time

I was texted with a guy named Bob and a guy named Rob.

Turned out the same person. How does someone named

Bob, how do they have two different nicknames?

Bob and Rob? Why don't you choose one? You know what I'm saying?

Then I got back on Tinder

and I met a Rob Bob. What the fuck? Turns out Bill and Will are also the same nickname.
What the hell? Try to date a Billy Bob after you dated a Bob Rob and a Bill Bob. Oh, God, I was so confused when I watched The Hobbit.
I was like, Bilbo Baggins, that's like half the guys I just dated. So he's like, actually, there was between me and Marina and Serena.
And she's like, oh, and you? Oh. And he's like, but I told them it's not going to work.
And she's like, so what do you just feel bad? Like, what's the story? I've got, I'm crabbing in the mud. Like, what do you want? And he's like, no, it's the other part of the story.
So she asked me, is there anyone that you're into? And I said, yes, but unfortunately, we are working together. And she's like, oh, that's sweet.
Harry's going to love that. He's like, no, I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable.
He's like, no, no, you won't make me feel. I come from the world of mudding.
I don't get uncomfortable. I was like, okay, well, I think you're really fucking cool, and I thought I'd share that with you.
Oh, thanks. You know, well, we still have a lot of time to go slow, so let's go slow.
This is like... This is the first time we've seen so many people promote slow romances on Blotech.
Although in her case, she just wants no romance. Let's be honest.

Yeah.

I mean,

look,

we are in our great team and everything,

but he's not really my type of guy.

Okay.

I want my guy to have a Southern accent,

a big lifted truck.

I mean,

you know,

that our wedding,

I want him to sing.

I hope you dance.

Something like that.

You know,

what's it got on his,

what's it got on his iPhone music, you know?

I need something like with trucks in it.

Want it to be about trucks?

Or Jesus?

It was bullshit.

What do you even listen to?

He drives a Mini Cooper.

She's so disinterested in him.

This is so funny.

She goes, you think when he's going to pull up, he's going to roll down

the window in his lifted King Ranch?

No, he drives a Mini Cooper.

Stupid puss.

So then, reference

sheet meeting. He's like, alright, everyone.

It's another group of ladies. Caroline

is a trial attorney and a philanthropist,

and she's reuniting with friends from

San Diego and Perth, Australia. So, on night night one they want to have a tropical themed evening and then on day two they want to go on a biking tour and visit a tortoise sanctuary which i knew ronnie you were excited about because it was like cute animals and then um they also aren't really cute but this was this is actually a really cute tortoise i think tortoises are i agree they're not that cute but this but they're well they're inherently true i think that turtles and tortoises they have like an inherent cuteness because they got that big that big old shell and that big old shell is so cute that it's it's cute but they're so but the thing is they're so big that they kind of lose the cute little turtle yeah i remember when I had that little pig spanky and I had to take him to that farm.
They had a tortoise that was as big as a backyard. I was like, holy crap, it looks like a spaceship.
I think the best thing about tortoises is you go see them when you need to feel young. Because as you get older, especially somewhere like LA, there's fewer and, but, um, you know, you just see young people everywhere.
And then it's nice, you know, you can go see a turtle and be like, God, you're 200 years old. Fuck.
Yeah. I'm only 49.
So suck my dick turtle. There's a neighborhood.
There's a neighborhood turtle around here. Uh, tortoise.
Uh, I, although I haven't seen it in forever, maybe the owner moved away, but, uh, you know, you go walking down the sidewalk and there, there would be the lady and her tortoise would i although i haven't seen it in forever maybe the owner moved away but uh you

know you go walking down the sidewalk and there there would be the lady and her tortoise would

be down there and like it was it was pretty cute i'm actually gonna say tortoises are cute because

you know what they eat grass like it's a like it's an ice cream cone when they see a blade of grass

they're so happy it's like they've never they're like oh my god do i get to have grass today and

they just sit there and they chomp on that blade of grass and they're they're just so delighted

Thank you. they're so happy it's like they've never they're like oh my god do i get to have grass today and they just sit there and they chomp on that blade of grass and they're they're just so delighted it's adorable we're gonna get to see them in a minute so they also want to tour with a picnic on the iconic and then they're gonna they're gonna go on the tinder and then they're gonna go to coconut grove I mean, this is amazing, guys.
And then the picnic can go set up when the guests are away. And then maybe we can send a crew with the bikes so that we're on radio contact.
And, you know, everything needs to be coordinated. Because this is a whole day of traveling around.
And it's going to require a lot of coordination, okay? And Vian's just kind of staring out into space. He's like, what rhymes with love? Love.
I know. I know.
He's falling in love. So then Jason starts telling us more.
He starts telling us about, I guess, this island or location called Ladique, which sounds like he's saying Ladique. And he's like, well, Ladique has the number one beach in the world at the moment.
And it's just beautiful turquoise water and white sand and granite mountains and the tortoise sanctuary so once in a lifetime opportunity and that's why people travel all around the world to go to the seychelles which is why it's a shame that they wound up on our charter boat because you pay a lot of money to have really mediocre service oh well unfortunately the trip to ladik is being uh planned by a man who can only think with Liddick so good luck good luck to him Shakespeare Liddick so yeah I wasn't a little charter so there is like talking to Johnny it's not use your chest okay you keep holding he's like I've been shot and she's like Well, how about this? You ever been to a Waffle House? It's like, no.

What?

You wouldn't. chest okay you keep holding he's like i've been shot and she's like well how about this you ever been to a waffle house it's like no and she goes what you would love a waffle house you eat waffles and wait for somebody to fight it's amazing he's like i don't even know what waffle is oh god so then um uh now so zarina tastes alicia's soup and it's, the seasoning is not really strong, but you know, she's young and she's new and she's green and et cetera.
And then beyond, and then everyone's working of course. And Harry's like, where's beyond? While everyone is slaving away, beyond is writing a dare, a love note.
And he, he reads us, it would tell us he's like, he's like a dare. a dear well country music is sorry country music is playing in the background here that was not part of that's not part of his poem but he's like he's like clearly those beautiful green eyes and beautiful smile have taken over and all i'm thinking about is the next time i'm going to see you again to feel these crazy butterfly feelings in my tummy again your presence light up a room i love you um when you're gonna see her again you're her boss you see her every like five minutes yeah and this definitely goes to show you know everybody's saying like don't give a man too much attention because they're not interested in that you have to pretend you don't like him i mean in this case she really doesn't like him but look how well it works like he's got people who like him all over the place and he's like nope nope nope nope they like me too much and then the one that doesn't like him he's like oh my god i have to marry her i can't stop thinking about her yeah and you know this is this is probably the most unappetizing gesture for a dare i mean this she said she wants a guy in a truck and to give like someone who's going to give her a beer and go shoot pool or something like that.

And then just get this love poem.

Disgusting.

This is mini Cooper.

Love one Oh one.

Yeah.

So now,

um,

everyone's noticing V home's not there and they're doing provisions and

stuff.

And Laura's lifting all these heavy boxes. And Johnny's like, don't lift.
There's so many men here. Why would you lift? And she's like, but where? I do not see one.
If you could show me one, that would be nice. Because, you know, Veehan's off writing letters.
God knows where all these guys are. So she just does it.
And they're talking about air conditioning. And Veehan's like she's like, Vian, could you maybe do this?

Because I'm doing these back and forth.

So maybe could you carry some stuff?

And he's like, but we have to carry it all the way down.

So he picks the down slope.

So the women, by the way,

the stews are going to the provisioner

and to the boat with the stuff.

And Vian's just standing there in the doorway

while everyone else is like bringing stuff down to the alley.

But basically, the stews are supposed is like bringing stuff down to the alley. But basically the

stews are supposed to be doing the interior part of this.

Instead they're out doing the deckhand

part of it. Yes.

So he's getting worse every week, this guy.

I mean, he's getting worse and worse at his job.

So then Lara

is like, oh, bye. Vion's a princess.

And he's like, oh, how am I a princess

if I'm fucking helping? Would a princess stand at a dock and watch people pass by with boxes no would a princess isolate himself isolate herself away and write love letters to to admirers it's like yes actually so then um laura's like the boys can have boys she's gonna give the everyone hawaiian shorts for tonight because um it's a charter which means it's time to have the guys come out shirtless again every single charter she does this well now she's she's getting worse like she said she's putting metallic booty shorts like these like skin tight little short shorts for the guys i mean look every time it's getting to be like, they're going to start getting pissed soon.

I mean, Vion does get pissed, but not really because of this.

He's like, this is her for personal reasons, but I ain't doing that.

Fuck you.

I'm not wearing fucking booty shorts every night without shirts.

I'm not even paid to do this job.

This is your job.

Why are you putting me in a costume job to pass plates?

That's your job, ma'am.

So then Laura meets with the stews and she basically tells Marina that she's going to stay on housekeeping because she's really good at it, and Marina is, of course, upset about it because this is what happens. This is the lot in life on blow deck.
When you're good at laundry and housekeeping, you get stuck there the whole season, and then you complain about it. Yeah, and she's like, oh, I'm pissed.

You know, compliments will go so far when you don't see the light of day for three days.

It's not fair.

Well, don't worry.

You just left a whole head of hair in a bed.

So maybe you'll get moved off that job.

Yeah, seriously.

And Laura's basically like, I've got a job here

and I've got to choose the best people for the job.

So it is what it is.

So now it's 30 minutes to charter, last minute looks and everything, double checking toiletries in the shower, et cetera. And then Harry's asking Alicia if she's ready for her first charter.
And she's like, yeah. And so they're all getting ready.
And then Johnny finds his booty shorts. And he's like, oh, I found booty shorts in bed.
Should I wear for Alicia? Hey, you have the same bro and they're like oh god more booty another night of booty short service for the guests yeah so uh he's like lara's he asked how lara's doing and she's like oh my god i'm kind of hot but fine he's like is it as hot outside as i am on the inside and she's like oh my god if God, if you need a fan, go to the galley. All right, they're all down there.
Yeah. So, okay, so Laura's talking to Zarina and she's like, she's like, you know, I really like Vian, but every time I see him, he's just chatting to Adele.
Like, he just doesn't fucking do anything, you know? And Adele, and Vian's like talking to Harry and he's like, that makes me just so nervous, bro.

I mean, look, look,

I wrote this letter for her.

Harry's like, really?

Well, you better take it

a little bit slower.

Before you send that letter,

I would hold on to it

for another week and a half

and then give her

one line at a time.

Letter?

A letter is third base.

You can't do that.

You haven't even met

her parents yet.

He's like, but read it, bro.

Because it's got a lot of depth.

Oh, poor Vian.

It does not have a lot of depth, Vian.

Poor, sad, go-go Vian.

So Zarina is like, oh, Jesus is

so hot. Can someone turn the temperature

down? My tits are sweating.

So now the guests arrive

and we learn a little bit

about Caroline from her bio that

Thank you. It's so hot.
Can someone turn the temperature down? My tits are sweating. So now the guests arrive, and we learn a little bit about Caroline from her bio that pops up.
She's from La Jolla. She's a trial attorney, a philanthropist.
She has her own parking spot at her favorite wandering, Napa. So she's also a drinker and a driver.
I know. So she's also an alcoholic.
Good for her. so um thankfully a lawyer, because she's got to get herself out a lot of DUIs.
I know. Way to throw Carolyn under the bus.
You know she doesn't have a parking spot. She knows when they ask her to fill out the form, she's like, well, you know, they love me out there.
I practically have a parking spot. You know, that's just what i am like she probably drove her car through the wall um so uh they come on board and everyone says hello and then one of caroline caroline says to one of her friends like hey just so you know the captain is majorly checking you out i cut to captain jason looking like as far away from the woman as possible yeah he's into you all right i need to need to crack on with the platos.
Maybe we should do a little hummus plate or something. So Alicia starts making that.
And meanwhile, Adair's doing the tender and people are doing the dock. And now they're en route to la dick.
Damn right we are. I've been en route to the dick for a long time okay and i find it each and every time i try to find it so alicia has agreed to make thai food for the crew lunch um surely this is going to work out great and serena and her talk about how much how great they are at working together and stuff and serena's like you know alicia's amazing normally I like to sit on a counter and really ask the person,

what do you do?

What's your favourite colour?

Where have you gone to school?

Do you know what chiffonade means?

Do you like French bulldogs or chihuahuas?

What's your favourite kind of knife?

Pairing or chefs?

You know, sort of stuff like that. But I learned with the last one that that makes people run away.

So I've just decided to hand her crew food to see if anybody dies. I've learned a really important question to ask in these moments on the counter is to say, when you put on a shirt, do you put your arms through the holes first? Do you put your head through the hole first? Or do you do a weird thing where you drape the shirt over your entire body and keep your hands directly at your side? And then once your shirt is on, you slither your arms up through the shirt and through the armholes like a regular lunatic because then i might know we have problem um so the ladies are being wacky they're like cracking up how do i open this door to go to the outside what is not up honey you need to press the button i press the Oh my god, it opened! Oh my god, it's closing again!

Try and open it with my butt!

Oh, I wouldn't open i'm falling you know i got a parking spot at this doorway so then um harry's asking where adair is and everything and adair adair walks through walks she arrives saying hey look this is yummy so they all it's just they're talking I don't know nothing really happens Vian is basically he's just crushing and he's like we've put everything out there now that we can you too so Johnny and Adair go down for two hours so they're gonna go and have a break I don't know why I felt compelled to read that but now we all all know exactly when they took it. That's what happens.

It's like, I thought what he said, when I started reading it, I thought he was saying,

now that I've put it out there that I'm really into you.

But no, he was like, no, we put the water toys out on the ocean and you can take a break.

So Laura checks in with Bree.

She's like, what's going on with Harry?

She's like, I don't know.

We've been out on a date.

I told him my parents owned an ice cream shop and then nothing.

It's just like, hi, bye.

How was your night?

Oh, I mean, what is that?

She goes, oh, so he needs to get into gear then.

Yeah, I mean, I think it's fizzling.

What if it's fizzling?

I think it's fizzling, yeah, but we haven't talked about it.

If a fizzle fizzles in a forest, but there's no one around to hear a fizzle,

are you even drinking a Diet Coke?

I need more communication.

All right, well, I'm just going to sit over here and fantasize about going to my cottage in rural England with my dogs because you're annoying the hell out to me. Thank you so much.
So basically what's happening to you is what's happened with Harry and every woman since he's ever been born. You're bored.
She's like, maybe. So now Vian is talking to Harry about this love ladder situation.
He's like, like me to read it out loud and Harry's like yeah absolutely but read it very slowly you don't want to go too fast he's like alright Adair you speak your mind and there's no filter and that I love I love that the most never change that as it is what makes you you that is what makes you you I mean your accent I love your accent and harry's like oh american accents it's like yeah makes my heart skip beat well you are special and harry's like the most he likes her accent i mean she's got no inside voice and she's like hey back around here swing that truck over the load no one likes that accent harry was way too accurate with

that it's so funny oh my god you've got the most romantic voice i've ever heard in my life

no i've heard that before swing that jet ski back around the corner there please

commercials here comes one right now that jet ski back around the corner there, please.

Commercials.

Here comes one right now.

So,

now they all, speaking of which, water toys, party, fun times.

Lara's telling Bree they need

to set up the dinner at a certain

time, and then Vian's trying

to flirt, so he's like,

Sue, I dare. Was your break

good? Yeah, I showered and watched

Thank you. to set up the dinner at a certain time and then Vian's trying to flirt so he's like Sue, I dare, was your break good? Yeah, I showered and washed my hair, it was real nice, I was trying to get more mud into it honestly but I couldn't do it.
So then Laura's like well you know I didn't really want to get the boys in the underwear so why don't we put some palm leaves on the front and the back how about that that, Bree? Do that. And she's like, oh my god, they're going to love this.
So Laura's like, well, they requested Seychelles Island themed dinner. So, you know, does Silver Hot Pants scream Seychelles? Not really.
But the women are going to love it. I get to demean Harry again.
So, it's worth it. So then Zarina's telling,

Zarina's telling Jason that the boys are going to be in, in booty pants again.

And she's like,

oh,

and by the way,

I don't think I told you,

Jason,

but I was,

I filmed the boys just sitting,

having a laugh on the job.

This is my polite way of tattling on them and saying,

they're not doing this shit.

Because while Harry and Vian were,

were reading that love letter,

they were on like a monitor in the,

in the galley. And so, Z totally recorded them, as she should have, for proof when she needs it, when they accuse her of not pulling her own weight for some reason.
So Serena shows the captain. She's like, oh, forgot to tell you, you've got some videos about the boys sitting around.
And he's just like, meh, they love a chat, the old dick. What are you are you gonna do so he doesn't really care uh so then uh you know he probably cares more that they're tattletaling honestly so then laura's like uh you know vian can we get someone to set up for dinner and he's like no and she's like why he's like because harry's uh harry's down and i need a dare for water toys and part of our love story i can't have to get out of my sight he probably is like I want to have time alone with Adair so I can flirt with her she's like yes I just feel like it's a bit like the boys are all kind of just like chilling it's just a bit annoying to see us getting it done as quickly as possible and then Adair's always just like wandering around like she's got nothing to do he's like well that's crazy and he's like no it just like, that's just the way things are with you guys.
Someone could be doing this, you know, things like that. You could be productive and not standing around reading poetry to each other on the closed circuit television.
Yeah, and he's like, but then if we're going to walk off deck and start giving you a hand in the interior, then they're going to start taking the piece out of that. She's like, well, And he says, well, you know, this is honestly, this is very gray for me.

This is a very gray area.

And she's like, okay.

Well, I don't even get to send my girls to eat.

And he's like, but what else is there for me to do?

And she's like, give them a kick up the ass and have them do more.

And he's like, okay.

He's like doing that kind of stupid blink, but he's starting to simmer.

Yeah.

And this happens like on every season. Or I guess starting to boil.
Simmer is when you calm down, right? but he's starting to simmer yeah and this happens like on ever i guess starting to boil summer is when you calm down right so he's starting to boil and this every season of blow deck the the bosun is always so such a dick about like helping out like this is the time you need service you have if you have six people on your boat that need to be served dinner and you need to help like there's a lot like you can only and you've and you've got multiple levels. Why not help? Cause the guys aren't doing anything.
The boat is anchored. The toys are in.
Nothing's being cleaned right now. Everyone's just standing around.
So, um, Lara is very annoyed. She's like, I've never worked with anyone like Vian.
He hasn't showed any initiative. He's all about himself and he doesn't have the passion for the job.
He will get a smaller booty short than usual tonight. So Vian's like, I mean, how does Laura even have the free time to monitor my deck crew? Because obviously your stuff is not getting done, so I wonder where the problem is.
So then Serena and Laura are planning the lunch thing, and Vian is saying, you know, he's talking to the guy, or he's talking to the crew, his deck crew, and he's like, you know, with the interior, I feel like we're helping them a lot, but obviously they see the difference the difference so i don't get it but my advice would be to just don't stand around and make it look like you're not doing anything so just walk in circles no leaning if you've got line if you've got time to lean you've got time to pretend that you're not leaning so laura doesn't ask you to do shit because it's not our job so rather than actually help out his he's telling his crew crew to pretend like you're working yeah we don't have to actually work yeah he's not saying help out more he's saying pretend you're busy so you don't have to help yeah so johnny's like well if if you need to help tell me i mean i'm not going to say no fuck you johnny's like i'll help he's like no no no don't don't help pretend like you're He's like, I feel bad saying this, but because it's not the truth. And Adair's like, wow, you're really hurting my feelings right now.
And he's like, I'm so sorry. Fuck.
Love story. Ruined.
So Johnny is like, I don't care who's right or who's wrong. Here's what's right.
My heart. And this is on the right path.
You can argue with duties, but you cannot argue love. So, Jason...
He's having a very emotional charter. Jason calls Vian to the captain's area, the captain's region of the boat, and he's basically saying, hey, we're going to get out, dropping off guests at Lodik at 11.
At 11, they're going to get off and then they're going to, I guess, go on their tour or whatever. But landing at 11, you figure it up, organize this whole tour thing, et cetera, lead the team, talk to Laura.
Talk to the chef. Figure this out.
So then, let's see. So now Johnny is really hungry, right? And so Laura's like, okay, well, once Adair's had dinner, then she can move up to cabins.
So Laura's like, well, we're going to serve the first court in a Hawaiian shirt. The second course, you'll have the shirt open.
The third course, you're wearing this. And we're serving a fourth course, which is just your balls on a plate.
I just like all of your testicles on one giant plate. It's just a, it's a progression.
So then, uh, Johnny is like, well, I don't know if I'm going to fit into that. And he starts, he starts eating some of this Thai curry and he starts, he starts his reaction to spice was hilarious because

I feel like normally when people eat spicy things like whoa you know they do that thing that you fan your mouth which is funny because it's not like that really ever helps anything because you're not really creating any sort of like wind currents but it's kind of like a gesture like guys my mouth is on fire but he starts being he starts he starts acting like he's having a reaction he's like oh I thought it was, I thought an end was going to pop out of his chest.

Did you ever see that video of cats tasting things for the first time? Don't be like, no, I wish we let a cat taste ice cream. And the cat's like.
That's how Johnny was. Their face just freezes with their mouth open.
Like they're petrified their their taste buds don't know what to do it was so fucking funny and he's like i'm crying over here and here he's like i'll try it oh my god god it's really hot geez and johnny's like i'm hungry i don't care i'll eat it and they all like these big burly guys. And they're all just like dying with the spicy food.
They're like, ah! And Alicia's like, sorry, I love spice. And Harry's just like, oh, he's going to eat it because he's in love.
So it's like, the curry warms up my whole insides. It almost came out of my eyes.
Keep on eating. Keep on smiling.
I do it for a laugh. Curry eyes.
So then Alicia's she's so proud of herself. She's like, yeah, it's a pretty diabolical curry.
So she's so funny because she's like, just smiling. So now it's time for service time for the food to go up zarina's making an

enormous snapper she has this big ass snapper that's salt baked it was big fish she looks i feel like zarina does a good fish i feel like she whenever she has to do like some nice fillets or whatever she really kills it right yeah she does great with fish and soups loves a soup so they've climbed 707 stairs today, we see on the screen.

And so Marina's showing Adair how to clean and stuff. And then Lara presents the snapper with mango salad.
Bon appétit. And then the guys come out in their shirts.
They're buttoned. It's crazy.
First course. So then Alicia is asking to clean stuff.

So they're doing great in the galley.

Because Alicia's like, please, let me clean things.

So Serena's in love.

And then Alicia's like, you know, it's a lot of work.

And it's a lot of adjustment.

But, you know, God, Serena's a good boss to have.

You know, it's really nice to be around a woman who doesn't look exactly like me and excel in every single goddamn way. So that's nice.
And then Marina meanwhile is talking to Adair and Marina's like, sold you up type? And Adair's like, well, I thought I'd do, but I don't know. I don't know how well that's working out for me.
I mean, it's probably time for me to switch it up. what's your type i don't know like a redneck vibe and marina's like oh like woman bring me a beer like gross ketchup on on white tank top you know just like sitting in in lounge chair throwing tinfoil at tv watching football and picking nose yeah exactly like that that's perfect i love perfect.
I love that. Yeah, you know, I just

want someone to tell me, bring me a damn

beer. You know, sometimes that's just

all you want in life. And she's like, I was

fucking joking there. That is so

sad. But that's what I'm trying to like.

You want someone to show up in a pickup

truck covered in mud doing like

donuts in the parking lot and going off and drinking and driving down the old. Yeah, that's perfect.
That sounds like the dream. Sweat stains, bald hair, booger rockets, you know, typical guy.
That's what I'm into. It's gross.
God. Hey, you ever see Panic Room? Remember how Dwight Yoakam looked in that movie that was so fucking hot so now the next uh course is served and the shirts are open and the guys are like wait a minute now their shirts up and and um vian's like don't worry there's one more dish to go don't spoil it jesus this is this is a progressive surprise dinner.
Don't tell them what's coming. So then it's going to be a local chicken curry with a caramelized pineapple.
Enjoy. So right now, Vian's totally fine with getting into the booty shorts, which they're currently which they're doing right now.
And he's like, get the shirts off, boys, boys. You know what? Let's do it for the tip.
Because when you earn 2,500 euros, you're not going to fucking care about wearing this shit. So just put it on.
So he does. And he comes into the kitchen and Serena's like, whoa, hold on a second.
Please nobody stare at my eyes. Oh, man.
Wow, that's really beautiful. So then Adair, meanwhile, grossed out.
She's like, oh, I see your inner thigh hair, and I couldn't even imagine eating my cake and turning over and have that silver crotch in my face. No, thank you.
Whatever happened to Levi's? So the guys are taking forever, by the way, to get into the booty shorts.'re taking forever and they're sitting around a lot during this entire thing, the students are going up and down the staircase, Zarina's plating Alicia's plating, everyone's like working so hard and the guys are just sitting there joking around taking their time and Laura's like hello, hello, come on, hurry up everyone you know, just because you're strippers doesn't mean you have to be lazy, it's like, I don't really understand the correlation between those two concepts, but fine. She's like, come on, come on, come on, do this, hurry up.
So Laura's basically bossing them around because they're dragging their asses. And she's like, get up there.
Yeah, and Vian is not liking that. So he's like, look, I don't like this because my butt cheeks are hanging out.
Let's just get it over with. She's like, you just did a strip tease the other day.
You rubbed your whole tank on a woman's face. I think you'll be fine.
And he's like, well, but I wasn't so naked. I had underwear on.
Okay. Your underwear were the same size as this.
And she's like, I thought you were a world-class stripper. No one said world-class.
They said beefcakes. Yeah.
It's not world-class. So his whole thing is that the underwear he was wearing fit him better than so he's like self-conscious or he's claiming to be self-conscious all of a sudden about he's like a stripper diva he's like well i can do it when my booty shorts fit me right and we're like why is he all of a sudden being so particular about his booty shorts i mean look we all are we all know what it's like to put on a shirt that's like you're you're like, Oh God, I hate the way I look in this shirt or something like that.
So for a moment I was like, Oh, I can understand it. But then he says, I'm her equal on this boat and she's bossing me around.
Like I'm one of the minions. It's fucking annoying.
Like this is really pissing me off. I'm like, Oh yeah.
So it's not about shorts. It's because you're fragile.
Cause listen, I mean, I've never had a job where I haven't been asked to put on like really skin tight booty shorts and that's it you know so i know what it's like like you really need to get the right ones and i think if you've started this by saying listen you've had us naked every dinner and it's starting to feel creepy like can we just not be naked anymore like if he had started that i think that everybody has the right to be like girl i'm not getting in booty shorts for every single dinner i think everybody has that right but the fact that he was all gung ho and like let's do it for the tip and now he's mad that he's getting bossed around and now he's using it like how dare you treat me like this it's like okay noah's buying it buddy exactly so they go up they do it everyone's amused etc and but vian afterwards vian's really he's upset he's like that was not fun fuck this harry's like well why did you do it then he's like well what are you going to say no he's like well you could have said no say but why why could we not be in our hawaiian board shorts it's it's kind of funny because he's like i hate being bossed around by lara but unfortunately i have to listen to everything that she says yeah it's like well you can't play the card like we're equals you can't boss me around then why are you saying that you had to listen you could have just said no i'm not gonna do it yeah and harry's like well what's the difference between that and speed as i really don't get it and he's like well i feel uncomfortable with my butt cheeks all hanging out you know the whole thing is going up my butt crack i mean it was too far it was too far was too far. And Harry's like, okay.
He's like, he put them on. He looked at himself in the mirror.
And he was like, yep, I'm going to wear them. And he served them.
And so, obviously, this is about something else. Yes.
And to be fair, I think also Harry is lacking empathy in this department. Because to him, booty shorts is like wearing a full tuxedo.
Because normally, it's a budgie smuggler. So, it gets smaller.
Oh, that's true. Yeah.
Skimpier, I should say. He's like, this is the parka of swimwear.
I don't really understand. It's the hoop dress of swimming.
So Zarina's asking him how it went and he's like, oh, I figured but a bit too far. I mean, that's just not usually a piece of clothing.
She's like, and Serena's like, but like, was it a good fit?

They are quite tight.

I just didn't feel comfortable in them.

She's like, well, she knows she can't help but arrive.

She ordered it off of Seychelles Amazon

and this is just what they had.

And I don't think she wrote to them saying like,

please give me the smallest and tightest booty short.

He's like, but no.

And Harry's saying like, yeah,

but no one's forcing you to do anything. You know, it was peer pressure, yes, but you don't have to, you're your own person.
Yeah, and meanwhile, Serena puts the shorts over her clothes. She's like, it's not that tight.
Do I look as hot to you now as you look to me in these things? Come on. He's like, oh God.
So Harry's just like, I don't think it was her intention to hurt you. And he's like, I need to leave.
He's getting mad that no one will be on his side because he's trying to do this. Like I have, I'm a victim of harassment.
And they're like, okay, sir. And no one's on his side.
And the reason why no one's on his side is partially because he's a lazy worker. So if he had been like a really good worker, he would have built up a lot of like a social capital on this boat, but he's not a good worker.

So he's really,

his laziness chews into all of his social capital and he doesn't realize

that.

So now in this moment where he wants to spend some social capital to get

people on his side about the booty shorts issue,

everyone's like,

no,

you were lazy.

So.

Yeah.

And again,

because I know that people are going to be like,

well,

if the roles were reversed,

if the roles were reversed,

I would say,

no,

you can't have the ladies coming out here, serving a bikinis every meal. That's creepy.
And the guys would be a lot creepier about it. The guy guests would be a lot creepier about it.
And also, like I said earlier, if he had said earlier, like, I'm not comfortable with this, I don't like it, and she made him, then that would be different. But the fact that he okayed it, went through with it, and now is like, what? This just unfairness.
I don't think it's Well, if the roles were reversed, it would be a whole different story. Of course it would be, because it's a different context.
But it's not, they're not reversed. So therefore, Vian, you suck.
Yeah, Vian sucks. So then we get a romance scene with Harry and Brie.
So he's like, alright, here we go. Brie, how was your day? How was it? She's like, good.
He's like, first day of charter? She goes, yeah, they're nice. And he's like, is that so? Yeah, really nice.
Alright, bye. She's like, oh my god, what does it mean? Why is Harry walking so slowly out of the room? Just try and take it a little slower.

That's all.

Don't mind me.

One step at a time.

So now Vian wants to slip the letter to Adair,

but he doesn't want to put it on the bed

because then Marina will see it and then she'll pick it up.

And Harry's like,

I think if you write it to Adair, she won't pick it up.

And he's like, oh, I just need it in the right hands

because I've had a thing with Marina, you know? Like, do I write my name love and it's like no please don't write love please please you've got at least three years of courtship before you do that listen i don't want marina to find this letter so i'm going to put it in the most discreet place exactly where you put your foot when you walk into her room by sliding it under the door like right if it were on the if it were on adair's bed that would actually be more discreet than just sliding it under the door and just having it right there in the middle of the floor for everyone to see and vian's all nervous he's like oh my god i just don't want marina to throw it away god that was an epic opus i wrote it was just so much thought and so much time, so many words. You know, it was very hard to write.
I've just had butterflies in my stomach. So then he slides out onto the door.
Jason checks in with Alicia to see how her first day was, and it was good. And then Marina goes in the cabin, and of course she opens the door, and she steps right on the letter, and she's like, what like what the and she's like there's a letter and so she doesn't throw it out because she's not she's not the crazy person that um that vian is trying to make her out to be so she's like i dare you got mail it's like oh finally a mail around here did you bring a beer no like let her mail oh did he ask him to bring me did he ask me to bring him a beer and i don't want to read it she's like um well it's three pages it's very Ross from Friends I don't know what that is what the hell could you I don't know reference it to Grace Under Fire or something can you agree it's something that involves ducks and dynasties? I like that this young girl would be referencing reruns of Grace Under Fire.
Can you mention Brett Butler? You got any original flavor, Roseanne? Reference that. I like long letters.
The longest thing I like to read is the license plate. So, meanwhile, Bree is checking with Lara.
Bree and Lara are looking at the fish in Captain Jason's room, and they're looking at the, and Lara's telling Bree what the names are, and she's like, yes, and this right here, this, this relaxed one,

his name is Vian because he's not,

he's just floating around not doing much and wearing booty shorts.

I've never seen booty shorts on a fish before.

Yeah.

It was hard to find, but you know, Amazon really has everything.

Now Adair reads her letter and it is so fucking funny because he reads it.

They put him in like a little bubble of him reading the whole letter.

You know, he's like, Adair, I know we are working together and spending a lot of time together and I want to keep it professional at all times, but I won't lie in saying I don't have no feelings for you. It's like, oh my god, don't write.
A lot of double negos there. I won't lie in saying I don't have no feelings.
Well, first of all, it's grammatically questionable, but I won't lie and saying i don't have no feelings well first of all it's grammatically questionable but then so we i won't lie by saying i don't have no feelings now he might be just trying to talk like someone that she can understand you know what i mean yeah i don't have no feelings for you i just wanted i just want a man to look me in the eye and say listen, I don't have no feelings for you. I just want a man to look me in the eye and say, listen, I don't got no feelings for you.
Well, if you say I don't got no feelings, that means you do not have no feelings. That means you do have feelings.
But he says, I don't want to lie and say I do have feelings for you. So is this letter saying that like if he says he has feelings, he's lying? Is this a letter saying, I want you to know I'm not romantically attracted to you? Because I think technically that's what he knows.
It's go-go boy English. Nobody knows, you know.
So he's like, there's still so much I would like to know about you. I feel like we have only touched the surface of what lies underneath.

I hope I get the opportunity to not explore

those

unshalows that are

maybe depths, but not too shallows

with you.

I hope I get to explore those

depths, specifically the ones in your

vagina with my penis.

She's like, ow.

She's kind of looking at it like,esus christ is longer than the bible and marina's like girl you better spill the tea she's like well i think it says something like your energy is bright in a room and something like that i mean i guess that's what he said she's like it's sweet she's just eating herself beta so um harry is harry's talking to laura and he's like so by the way i'm sitting on your bench how do you feel hot and she's like good he's like so what's the lowdown what's the gossip should i do something else for brie you know i don't want to go too fast you know so I was kind of thinking of maybe walking up to her, smiling, and then walking away. I don't know.
She goes, um, well, listen, what are you doing right now to make her interested? Are you doing anything? Have you showed you even flirt with her? He said, flirt? That's like, that's like second base. That's right before, that's right before third base, which as we know was touching her, touching her shoulder.
So, I mean, it's basically like going on to the dark web, not that I've ever done it, but I mean, I've done things like this. Don't tell anybody.
I don't want anyone to find out, but I've done things like say, how's your morning? She's like, yeah, I just, you know, you have to be careful because otherwise a girl can just kind of float off and you know the thing is this she's like a mortal so don't really fuck this up so make a move she's like yeah oh my god she's like i don't think she knows that you like her so it's like i'm so shocked right now i can't believe what laura's saying i child of season, I moved too quickly with Margot. And now I'm being told to move too slowly.
Well, the difference is you were moving quickly with someone who didn't really like you. That girl just wanted you in the friend zone.
This girl does like you. So you can move quicker.
Exactly. Yeah.
You can move more, not slowly. You know, I'm not lying when i say i don't go no faster um so the crew is waking up it's the morning and everyone's saying hi morning hello hello adair and beyond um have like a little hug and vianna's he because she's like because she hugs him he's like oh good she's not mad at me about that.
And he's like, no, I have a chance. I'm on cloud nine.
Okay. And then Jason's telling everyone, get ready.
Because this is the day of the big picnic. They're going to leave at 11.
There's a lot of organization that needs to be done. And surely Vion has been focused on that since he learned about the plan.
Yeah. So now it's Laura Serena and Vion.
And they're like, okay, well, what's the plans for the thing? And he's like, I mean, you see it there. They're going on a bike ride.
And they're like, so do you have a plan? He's like, yeah, people will be with them on bikes. Probably Marina and Adair.
And she's like, but I'm going to do the picnic. And he's like, okay, so Adair riding then.
And Johnny on the and then chef, you, me, I mean, who cares? You know, beach, bike, duh, there's radios. People can just communicate.
And she's like, Adair's like, but will the radio work? And he's like, yeah, probably. All right, so I just need you to tell me what time I should be there to cook the lunch for everyone.
He's like, well, you could be there, I don't know, like 12, 4 p.m., 7 p.m., 1 p.m. Tomorrow, yesterday, I don't know.
Let's just say 12 of Sunday. And she's like, okay.
And so Lara's like, I mean, what's going on in his head? This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for the guests. I mean, what are they going to do? You need to make sure that the sandwiches are fresh

when they get back from the tortoises.

So,

then meanwhile, Harry's like,

okay, I'm going to step up my game. So, he texts Bree

and he says, I wish we had more time to talk

while on charter. Your kisses and hugs are the best part

of my day. Wish we could have a proper

snuggle together. And she's like,

oh, this made my day.

Does he like me, though? I'm really still so confused. So, she writes back like oh this made my day does he like me though i'm really still so confused so she wrote back she writes back saying this made my day and i always look forward to your hugs and kisses and i love that she's really happy because she finally decided to flirt with her so now it's the picnic time so laura's sending some people to set she's telling serena to set up with johnny and she'll go with the guests and do the bike ride with the dare in them.
And so Jason's radioing to get, it's getting swelly. So they're going to have to go in a taxi.
Okay, so they all start going over there and well, first breakfast is served and Serena's like, so first one you're going to be making this is smoked salmon. Well, basically she's just cooking with Alicia, right?

Yeah.

So they cook.

By the way, can I say something?

Can I say something?

I know this is totally going back, but I forgot to mention it because this was, I thought, notable.

Just with Vion complaining about everything, this is, I'm totally stopping the flow.

But I'm just, this was bothering me enough.

I was just about to talk about making finger sandwiches.

Don't worry.

Because this bothered me enough that like I was thinking about it in the bathroom last night.

I was like, you know what?

I have to make this point on the podcast.

and I'll see you next time. me enough that i was just about to talk about making finger sandwiches don't worry glad because this bothered me enough that like i was thinking about in the bathroom last night i was like you know what i have to make this point on the podcast and then i almost forgot to but what i thought was so funny and what i really love about blow deck they are so smart with their editing this show is really a very sophisticated show way that they really tell storytell with very quick things we saw that whole scene of john Johnny and all the deckies eating that spicy curry and they're all sitting around.
They're in like a bank, they're in their banquette. They're like losing their minds because it's so spicy.
They're coughing, they're sneezing, but they're all just sitting there. They're doing their thing.
And there was this really quick shot of in the middle of the service that Brie and Lara, did you see this? They've had, they both had like mugs of the curry and they had to like sneak a few spoonfuls off to the side. And they were like, oh, thank God.
And they just were eating it. And then they went back to work.
And I love that because this told the story of how these guys on the deck have all this time to laze around. And they're like, oh my God, so spicy.
And meanwhile, these girls are like, whatever, fuck the spice. they just pile and you know go right into it and i just have to say i love that i love that little scene because it told so much between the two departments and i know has nothing to do with what's going on with the story right now but it does speak to the larger story about why vion is setting such like vion acting so insulin that he can't let other people help out um you know, and he's like, oh, but why? Why do we always have to help out? When meanwhile, your people are down there in the in the crew mess.
It's just sitting around being they have the luxury to be coughing over their hot curry. So anyway, you got to sit there and marinate in your assholes being turned into rings of fire so exactly load up the tender and get stuff across so they're packing and vion's like oh my god you guys are so on top of it i don't even have to give you direction so i'm not going to i'm tired jeez yeah so then one of the guests is like he literally backs out of this picnic yeah this guy's the worst so now uh one of the guests is like.
He literally backs out of this picnic. Yeah.
This guy's the worst. So now one of the guests is like, wish you were coming, captain.
He's like, someone's got to look after the ship, don't they? I'm working on some kimono designs. I'm thinking this time they'll open the front and have like a silk belt or something like that.
You guys go ahead. I might not be at the tortoise Sanctuary physically, but I will be there fashionably.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my new line of Tortoise kimonos, debuting today on David. So now Harry has to help with rooms, and then the water taxi is loaded up.

And so everybody heads over there.

So Vion decides that he has time because he's backed out of doing anything.

So he's going to make a romantic thing for Adair.

Well, he's not going to make it.

He's going to make somebody else make it.

So he's like, you know what goes like?

Cheese plates.

So I'm going to make a cheese platter for Adair.

And Harry's like, okay. And he goes, and then I'm going to give her a hug and i'm going to whisper in her ear would you like to go on a date with me i don't care if you're farting due to the dairy i would love you anyway and harry's like wait yeah you have to do that right in the ear like do you want to go on a date with me i wouldn't do that it's very close ear work is like year four that's very close to your lips touching and that's that's that's not even that's not even that's not even home base that's that's grand slam the kissing he's like yes but that's what i want to do and he's like after you wait you want to kiss her after you whisper are you even allowed to do that is that legal he's like yes okay i'm gonna shower so this guy has, this guy has backed out of the picnic and now he's spending his time hatching a cheese plate romance.
Also, while, in the meantime, the people who have arrived on the coast, Johnny and Brie, they weren't even told what the landscape was going to be. I think they thought it was a beach picnic.
So they are barefoot.

They don't even have shoes. So they're have to walk through streets and all sorts of surfaces with prickly and scary

things, you know, that's like hurting their souls.

Like, and it's also hot cement.

It's so why wouldn't they have shoes?

So didn't they, weren't they going on a bike ride?

Who rides bikes barefoot?

Well, they, no, they didn't have shoes because they thought they

were setting up a beach picnic but it wasn't oh i'm sorry you're talking about the beach part yeah yeah yeah i don't know if we were there yet or not but either way i'm like i was like so mad that they were not they were not told to that where where this picnic was supposed to be and so harry's like so what do you want me to do while you take a shower and he's like i don't care he's like i I guess he'll send me some stainless or something.

So he's taking all this time and squandering it instead of like getting out of work and stuff. So then Vian goes to Alicia in the kitchen and he's like, so Alicia, are you good at making cheese boards? And she's like, um, I mean, is this for you? And he goes, no.
And she says, is it for the guests? And he's like, it's for a date. And she goes, goes oh did you ask a dare out and he's like no not yet but i will she goes well i mean do you think she'll say yes i mean was she not slightly put off by the fact that you've gone through half the crew she's like well i've been here for 36 hours and my twin wouldn't have said that but i'm not my twin he's like no i defensive.
He's like, no, I haven't. She goes, oh, so it's just a rumor there.
And he's like, I'm not into any of them, though. She goes, yeah, you should make your own cheese board.
And he's like, oh, whatever. And he's like, no respect.
And he like storms off. Why the fuck should she stop? She's actually working.
You're doing nothing. And you've got Harry also doing nothing.
Make Harry cut a fucking cheese board and i love her now because she's like get the knife out i'll show you what the cheese is but i'm busy i mean who the fuck is this guy like nah i know it was great i love that she was not intimidated by the fact that like he was a like a superior head of department or anything it was so obnoxious i mean she's doing work so he's like surely you're not busy you're a sous chef no baby girl this is not going to work like that um yeah well it is going to work like that because she's actually working like that and you're not she doesn't work for you you fucking weirdo so uh and it's not romantic when you're like oh guess what i had some underling make you a cheese plate. Go fucking order a cheese plate then.
You're docked. Yeah.
So then meanwhile, we see this is where everyone is arriving for the picnic setup and everything. And they don't have a cart to haul anything.
Because, again, I don't think they were told that the beach picnic is not actually just like on the beach where they're landing. So they don't have a they don't have shoes and they have to carry all this heavy shit barefoot through the the streets of la deque yeah it's terrible so i don't know whose fault this is because don't they pick the beach picnic wouldn't that be kind of an interior thing is that a deck thing to pitch i think it's usually the i think it's the deck hands because haven't we seen before in other shows where like the bosun goes scouting the beaches and stuff maybe because it was a water here's here's where there could be some grace because there was a water taxi that went to water yes i know i'm from new york but because there was a water taxi it maybe it dropped them off in a different place than where they would have dropped off with the tender so maybe that was was it.
But they're still, I don't know.

I still think that like Vian was like,

like there wasn't a moment where Vian said,

okay, they're taking a water taxi.

Where are they going to land?

Like there was no thought of like anything.

He's just like, okay, they're going off

and they're going to figure it out.

Yeah.

While he's arguing about cheese plates

that he doesn't want to make.

So they start setting up

and now Vian's still going off to himself, but he's like, you stupid fucking person. Which I was proud of him, for at least not saying bitch, because I was prepared.
I was prepared. And he's like, I'm fucking pissed.
I'm pissed off about this. Oh, well, you're not pissed enough to pick up a knife and start cutting some cheese.
And let me tell you something else. I don't think any girl wants just a cheese plate to herself.
It's weird. And it's farty.
I think it's a strange... Well, it's weird because the cheese plate kind of feels like the date.
Like, if you're going to romance someone and you're going to sit down with a cheese plate, that is the date. So then why are you asking for the date with the cheese plate? Yeah, who's like, here's a cheese plate.
Now hug me and let me whisper in your ear, I'm in love with you. Yeah, and again, it's such a misread of who Adair is.
I don't think she wants a cheese plate. I think she wants, like, ribs.
And I'm not even saying that as well. She wants to play some cornhole, and she wants to, like, you know, watch some NASCAR shit and, like, go get wings.
Okay. Yeah, she wants something a little messy, you know, and God bless, you know.
She should. She deserves it.
So, um, I mean, it sounds like a little bit. She's going to be like, I'm sorry, what is this?

Cheese?

It's not flat and it's not shiny and yellow.

So I'm not really sure.

Where's the breading?

Anyway, Laura, meanwhile, is with the guests.

And they're doing this bike ride to the Tortoise Sanctuary.

And it's taking a long time.

It's a long bike ride.

There's traffic. Caroline almost drunkenly drives into a truck i got a parking spot on that truck but um they arrive at the tourist sanctuary and we meet uh the tortoise and uh they ask if the tortoise has a name and the tortoise is named david which i thought why do they name those tortoise david that is hilarious i love love when they, I love, I think I've said this before.
I am so amused when people give animals very kind of like plain American names, David, like formal too. This is David.
He's so cute. So they pet the tortoise and stuff.
He's 114. So everybody loves him.
They give, they give David the treatment as if he were the charter the primary charter guest did you know they put the whole thing up on the screen like david 114 years old enjoys pets from younger women loves green vegetables kale gives him gas it's like his preference sheet so now the bike ride is taking forever and so laura is trying to radio Serena but of course the radios don't work even after vian assured them that of course they're gonna work so she's stuck on the beach trying to make the food and get it ready and now there's flies all over everything because she's ready for them to arrive and they're not arriving getting radios and everything's melting and it's becoming a disaster and And now it's 12.23, 71 minutes since arriving to the beach. And she's like, well, I was excited when I was setting up, but now I'm getting a little bit worried.
You know, it's not your food, flies. All right.
I think this is one of the most unorganized beach picnics I've ever been a part of. Like, Vian, what is this? And yeah, so it's a disaster because

she put everything out way too early

and now everything's melting and the flies

are attacking it and who knows when anyone's going to be

there because everything's delayed and no one

can communicate and it's all Vian's fault while

he's on the boat making

cheese platters. And I can't wait for

next week when

the two women just

tear Vian apart

on the boat. Yeah, I hope

they do, this fucking guy.

That's what they show. In the previews, they show Zarina and Laura basically confronting him via Vianna and basically telling him he's like totally inept and I'm here for it.
Love it. Well, that's good.
Well, that brings us to the end of below deck down on to everybody. Thanks so much for being with us.
Grab tickets for the live tour. We'll see you this week in Charlotte and Atlanta.
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