#2765 RHOA S16E02 Part One: Grilling the Hot Dog Man

Wondery Plus subscribers can listen to Watcher Crappens ad-free right now. Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.
This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game? Well, with the Name Your Price tool from Progressive, you can find options that fit your budget and potentially lower your bills.
Try it at Progressive.com. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates.
Price and coverage match limited by state law. Not available in all states.
If you're a parent or share a fridge with someone, Instacart is about to make grocery shopping so much easier. Because with Family Carts, you can share a cart with your partner and each add the items you want.
Since between the two of you, odds are you'll both remember everything you need. And this way, you'll never have to eat milkless cereal again.

So minimize the stress of the weekly shop with family carts.

Download the Instacart app and get delivery in as fast as 30 minutes.

Plus, enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders.

Service fees apply.

For three orders in 14 days, excludes restaurants. What crappens? How are you doing? Great, Ronnie.
How are you doing? I haven't seen you in forever. It's been an hour.
It's been like an hour and a half. It's been 90 minutes.
I mean, I feel like we've crossed borders together today. We've been in different countries today.
We're super cosmopolitan, guys. We've been all over in one day.
We were just in Canada this morning, and here we are back at home to record three shows. We're super excited.
We had the most fun this weekend. We went to so many places.
We went to Cincinnati, Minneapolis, and Toronto. We were honestly worried that that last show in Toronto, that was a classic recap of New York, and we thought, oh, gosh, this is our third in a row.
We're a little rusty. You know, a couple of years have passed.
I haven't fixed my Botox. botox it's like are we even going to remember we had so much fun the audiences were so great it was so amazing to hug you guys and get to know you guys and just i don't know hear you you know we talk to you all the time every day literally our whole lives um but to get to see you and to hear you is just such a treat so thank you for everybody who's coming to see the mounting hysteria tour.
We are continuing. We're on a tear.
We're going to be going this week, next week, this week, this week, this week, to, um, Charlotte, Atlanta. We're going to be doing Southern charm finale in Charlotte.
And then Atlanta, we're going to do a classic episode because that's a Sunday night show and we just you know we really love doing classics bring me some Shannon Bedore classic okay so we're going to Ireland we're gonna be doing uh season I don't even remember the episode number okay I don't remember the episode number but today is St. Patrick's Day which is all you need to remember because we are doing we're going back to ireland we're recapping the classic ireland trip uh when we were in ireland we recapped first part of it this is i don't remember the episode number if you give me i'm sorry that's super unprofessional but you know what go to our instagram and look at it and we'll also announce it the rest of the week so you guys get it but it's it's posted on our instagram so go look at it there um and then after that we are going well what i was going to say is for those who are trying to remember what the episode is uh what i was going to say is that it is the second part of that ireland trip where they get uh kelly wasted and then there's a screaming match in the van late at night so and also megan goes and asks people are you no tool so look forward to that one.
And we'll get the name up and the episode number fairly shortly. Yeah, it's on our Insta.
So check it there. And then we're going to be at the Lincoln Theater in Washington, D.C., Philadelphia after that, and Boston, and then Detroit, Chicago, Austin, Dallas, and Vegas.
So go get your tickets over at watchwhatcrappens.com. People are asking about the meet and greets.
They should be available as an add-on at the end when you're purchasing. It's like an add-on thing.
So thanks to everybody who's been coming out. We also did one of our favorite things this week was an airport snaps, which is where we recap people in airports.
This was the Cincinnati airport and we just sat in the food court and judged the fuck out of people. It's so much fun.
Go check that out over on our Patreon. If you want to catch up on Traders Recaps, those are over there.
We'll probably do another airport snaps coming up this week. And then we're trying to decide what the next show to cover on bonus is.
Will it be Secret Lives of Mormon Wives? We don't know. Will it be Love Island? Will we wait for that? We don't know.
So give us your ideas in the comments. How about that? Yeah.
Ask for stuff. Yeah, exactly.
And the episode of Orange County is Bringing Up Old Ghosts, season 11, episode 16. Thank you, Ben.
Thank you. Ben is prepared.
Well, I wasn't that prepared, but there was enough time for me to go onto our Instagram and pull up the name and the episode. I can't make myself useful at the very least.
I'm a little flibberty, Jim, but okay, I just got back from the airport. I didn't even take off my jacket.
I haven't even peed. Okay, but I did get a Starbucks.
So let's do this. It's Real Housewives of Atlanta, season 100, episode two.
Fun episode, I thought. Hot dogs and hot mics.
That's the name of the episode. So we actually pick up where the last episode left off, which is that Shamia's having this birthday party, and the entire cast is upstairs.
They've taken the elevator up to this random room and now they're all talking. And basically, there's confrontation about Drew working with music icon Dennis, the hot dog guy.
And is this a violation of girl code? And it's really cool because his label, he's just going to add an exclamation point to the end of hot dog so instead of like the hot dog king it's just gonna be hot dog so shamia's like okay she's like well three people said that they've seen you like because they're wondering if drew and and dennis are dating and shamia's like well three people said that they saw you at the club and you look like you guys were all booed up. And Drew's like, oh, God, stop playing.
No, of course not. And they're like, yeah, they said that you were even matching.
She's like, what? Not matching. No, not me.
But of course, since Drew is like a pathological liar, I don't believe a word she is saying. And I think that Drew is either getting down with Hot Dog Man or she's at least happy to fan the flames of that gossip because she's just excited that people are talking about her she is at least blowing hot dog guy there i said it i believe it and then we see a picture someone has a picture on their phone and they're like we saw the instagram picture and we only see hot dog man's arm but it is matching it is the same color as her outfit and um you know true is lying because she does this thing when she lies where she squeals all of her words so they're like are you having sex with him and she's like stop playing and they're like okay but you're you're matching it's like not matching she does this really high squeal thing so you know she's a damn liar And she's lying in a Patsy Stone wig and an Ivana Trump wig.
So it's not it's not going well for her. I have to say that the hot dog thing on Bravo right now is very real.
And I just have my latest updates. I feel like now I'm updating with any piece of hot dog news I have in my life is that I went to a very fancy restaurant last week.
And the first course was basically, it was like a cube. It was like a cube of like gelatin.
It was like, it was like molecular gastronomy and it had little bits in it and it was served on a postcard that had like a picture of like Chicago hot dogs. And it was like, this is this little cube of gelatin.
It has the flavors of aago hot dog you just eat in one bite and i was like this is crazy and i took a bite i swear to god it tasted just like a hot dog i am blown away so that is my latest hot dog news which is that i had a cube and it tasted like a hot dog so but how can you eat like an actual hot dog that is flavored to taste like a hot dog? Because you know that shit is flavored, right? It's just like pig nose cartilage that's ground up. And then they put flavoring and coloring and everything else in there.
So God knows what it even is. And they flavor it to taste like hot dog.
And then everybody's like, oh my God, that's so unhealthy. That's so processed.
That is such processed food. I can't believe you're eating that.
It's like the worst thing to ever happen to the earth that's why the earth is eating us and then somebody makes a piece of fucking gelatin that tastes like hot dog which is the most processed shit and people pay five hundred dollars for it and they're like look at me i ate a piece of gelatin that tasted like a hot dog i'm fancy like it's unfair there's a lot to unpack there and we'll just we'll let the food scientists in our audience do all the explaining. But what we can say is that hot dogs and Ben Mandelker are having a moment right now.
We are in the thick of the hot dog. Yes.
Okay. So then we, Oh, by the way, we saw Tim Hortons at the airport and our friend Caitlin gave us gift certificates to Tim Hortons, but it was on the other side of the fucking glass and we couldn't.
It was on the other side of the American quarantine glass. Talk about flavored something that could be flavored like a hot dog.
I wanted to go over there. We couldn't do it.
Sorry, Tim. Okay.
So Cynthia's still here. So she's like, well, I better not find out that anybody's booed up with Peter Anthony Thomas.
Well, don't worry about it. Isn't he in prison? I think if he's booed up with anyone is with a very, very large man with teardrop tattoos.
Yeah. And not in a hot way.
So then Angela. You never know.
I watched Oz. It can be hot.
I don't know. With Peter Thomas.
Peter Thomas Thomas can't make hot prison porn hot. He just can't do it.
It's just sad. So then Angela says, I know they didn't do the prom matching outfit.
So they're all just commenting on the fact that Drew and Hot Dog Dennis were matching. And Cynthia's like, I'm going to need them to not even be booed up with James Michael Hill with a matching outfit on.
Please find someone else to match with and boo up with. Okay, Cynthia.
All right, it's nice that Cynthia's back, but I'm going to need her some better content from her. Well, you know, she's trying.
They're not letting her do much. And it's Cynthia.
You know, she's not really here to do much. She's just here to like show us her kitchen counters and make a comment every once in a while.
I think she's just there to like provide some familiarity with the audience. You know, because there's a reboot and people would be like, oh my God, new people.
What do I do? They're like, okay, here's Cynthia Bailey. You're safe.
Everything's okay. Cynthia Bailey is here.
Everyone's like, okay, I can do this. It's true.
And also they had to cut their budget a lot, you know, so they're getting Cynthia because they fired Cynthia already. So she's cheaper now.
You know, she's like, okay, $5. I will do it.
I need to pay for, you know, Bailey Lake or Lake Bailey, Lake Bailey, right? What's it called? It's like when you go. Yeah.
Yeah. Lake Bailey.
It's like when you go to the supermarket, they've got like day old bagels or something. It's like, well, it's cheaper, but you know, yeah.
But it's still comforting to people still comforting to people, you know. Maybe a day-old bagel, but people will still buy it because it's comfort.
So that's Cynthia, our day-old bagel with a, you know, with a John and Kate plus eight wig. So she's doing that, and then I think Shamia asked a better question.
She's like, so you've been in the industry how long? And Drew's like, well, because Lord knows no one needs to hear that answer because it's going to be crazy you know yeah and she's she's like well why dennis so if you know the industry so well why would you be with dennis and she's like well you know porcia and i we talked about it and porcia's like no she's like no we did no she's like i mean i was talking to dennis about something about polar last minute

and he was like oh you you're you can come to drew's birthday party and but i had just like wiped off my face so i didn't go and then the next day you posted a picture and we see this like picture of drew not looking amazing looking kind of like she we know when people say you look like you just saw a ghost she looked like she saw like like like an army of ghosts she was like very like oh my god so uh you know portia's like you know just like you weren't looking like yourself you just look very washed like washed out everyone's like oh my god not washed out no she didn't even say washed out she said washed i got it she's like she's like not washed and uh they're like yeah and they're like why are you saying that why are you saying that she looks washed and she drew goes well you know she's right everybody i didn't have any makeup on and then they show a picture of drew looking washed and she has so much makeup on i don't know what she's talking about but it's true so it's a lie and uh she's like well i said washed okay so anyway and brit's like well i don't know about don't know about anybody else, but I look good with no makeup. Britt, whatever they did to your nose, sue them.
At least get some straws put in there. I mean, that girl has a roadblock in her nose.
What did she do? I don't know, but if she has a roadblock in there, I hope she got it insured from her own company. So then Portia's like, no, no, no.
Your nose insurance. And your nose looks great, but you cannot speak.
I cannot listen to Britt talking. It's not even a cute name.
Because, you know, I'm a fan of a nasal voice. And my favorite voice on Bravo is that, really? But what do we do? Like, I love that kind of a voice.
But she's not even that. It's just like they hacked off part of her nose.
And now she just sounds like that and it's just it gets a part of my brain it hurts a part of my brain she's doing lily tomlin you know yes the operator so porsche's like no no when i said i wasn't being mean it was just a stress you know like she's like washed from the stress going through divorce and i understand that because like i've been through divorce so i understood I called her up and I brought up Dennis and you were like, well. And Cynthia's like, so you didn't know they were working together? She's like, I didn't.
So I called. She didn't even say anything.
Do not say a single thing to me about them working together. Yeah.
And she's like, and listen, I don't even care about that. And Britt's like, it seems like you care.
And the portrait's like, well, I was, I was just scrolling scrolling and i saw something about somebody in the studio and i just made something for dinner because you know i i have nothing to do with that like i i'm not dealing with that so then we see headlines atlanta streets say drew and dennis are smashing and portia is hot and bothered hot tea is portia's baby daddy sleeping with drew sidora and then we see a clip from drew's new song oh i'd love to be mascar my weenie so shamia is like well somebody said that you guys came to the club together holding hands and and we see a photo of them in the club and that's why I wanted to ask you myself and Drew's like um can I talk can I talk because I can't just put this to bed can I just put this dog in the bun okay because it's very simple I had reached out to you many times Portia and you that, like, they all know Drew's lying at this point

because she's doing her

I'm speaking rationally voice,

which is also another tell.

She both squeals,

and then she comes down from the school

to be like,

I have a very clean explanation

for why this crazy situation happened.

Yeah, and Portia's like,

you didn't contact me.

You sent me texts, honey.

Well, that is contacting you. This is 2025'm i'm they nobody got time to call okay that is contacting you so she's like that's a text and then brit goes that's not something you text oh okay thank you if your texts are not going through then please let me help you with the at&t wireless network so drew's like oh no that wasn't something i was going to text so let me just tell you from the beginning it all started when i was opening for superstar tamar braxton oh yeah i'm not doubting that i'm just i love that she wedges this in here guys when i was opening up from tamar braxton winner of celebrity big brother and sister of the braxton who has singles bigger singles on the radio mar i suck um yeah and dennis reached out to my management so my hairdresser put down that that wig he was about to clip into my hair.
And he said, hello, Drew's management. How can I help you? And he wanted to do the official after party.
So, you know, I said, Tamar, how do you feel about hot dogs? And she said, unbreak my dinner plans. And so I said, Unbreak my buns.
Slip a hot dog in. Squeeze some radish.
Good on all about hot dog and some mustard and ketchup. Unbreak these trusadora lies.
So she is like... I was just...
I was ready. Honestly, I was ready to just keep singing that song because it's such a fun song to sing.
Why didn't you? It's a duet. I passed it over.
I passed you the baton. You know what? It's time for a commercial.
It's time for a Crapins commercial. Have you ever wondered how a circus performer could become the most powerful woman in the Byzantine Empire? Even the Royals is a podcast from Wondery that pulls back the curtain on royal families, from ancient empires to modern monarchs, to show you the darker side of what it means to be royalty.
Before she ruled an empire, Theodora was a teen sensation in circus shows, featuring dancing bears, burlesque performers, and blood-soaked chariot races. But when her star came crashing down, she clawed her way from rock bottom to the very top, using everything from comedy to espionage to get there.
Empress Theodora didn't just survive. She revolutionized women's rights across the Byzantine Empire, like changing laws to let women divorce men, own property, and bring abusive men to justice.
For all her work in pioneering, she's remembered as the most powerful Byzantine empress in history. Follow Even the Royals on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.
You can listen to Even the Royals early and ad-free by joining Wondery Plus. You know, it was one of those things where I became...
Since you mentioned Bataan, time to we have to that pinged me too i was like who cares why i didn't finish the song this is we need to we need to address this because we are podcasters and this needs to be addressed last week ronnie brought to my attention the story of the track runner who bopped someone on the head with her baton. And we complained, like, why doesn't she have a nickname? And so I called her, I think, Batonerella or something like that.
And I think we just sort of settled on that. And it was just a total nadir of our creativity because it was sitting right there.
Someone actually had to message us and say, what about Batanya Harding? It's all right there.

And I don't know how we, yeah.

How do we miss that?

I was so disappointed in us.

We actually had to have a meeting about it.

We actually, we actually had like a very serious moment.

And this is like, Ben, we need to meet up and talk about how we've just been slacking the fuck off.

Okay.

I know we're busy, but there are things that are just slipping through our fingers.

We are not the same. Get it together.
Like a baton handoff that didn't go well you know this is we next time leave no pun unturned if we are not satisfied with our pun we are not gonna stay we're not gonna stick with baton arella we will do it till we get to batonania harding okay everyone yeah so thanks for the help guys thanks so um basically he's like yeah um he reached out to management he wanted me to do an app he wanted to do an after party and then at the after party he did a whole professional pitch guys about working on my music you know and so that's when i told porsche portia i told you on the phone remember i said dennis has been my angel on earth dennis has been a crutch to a lady with broken ankles dennis has been the breath to a drowning person thank god for dennis um yeah but when you say to portia dennis has been an angel, Portia's just going to hear, oh, Dennis donated hot dogs to an after party. So of course, it's like, oh yeah, no, he's great.
He really helped out your after party. That's not the same as saying, oh, he donated hot dogs to my after party, and then I decided I was going to work with him on music, which by the way, does not make sense in that is not that is not a leap that happens in real life you know it's like oh I'm an actor I'm an actor I think I want to be a director that's a leap hey here's some hot dogs for your after party I think I would be your music producer now not a leap um so she said well I'm so excited for you to hear this, you know.
And ask dennis i said portia portia one of the best people in the world one of my dearest friends of all time she's not gonna mind right you're gonna talk to portia right and i asked for her bless he said that he asked for your blessing and you gave it to him and she's like uh-uh portia's just. Stop lying to each other about me.
And she's like, nope. Dennis has been like a brother to me since, you know, we all hung out.
We all know what happened to Ralph. Poor Ralph.
But still, it's all of love for him in my heart. And every time I pass that stairwell in the kitchen, all I hear is...
You know, Dennis is so important to us that every now and then I let, I let Ralph out of the basement so he can say hi. It's very special.
So Kelly, Kelly is like, um, I didn't sleep with him. I just, Portia, I mean, she didn't raise her voice.
Not one time. And I'm, I'm like, say something, say something.
Did you sleep with him or not? Tell that girl, like, what?

Like, basically, Kelly's like, could you give a straight answer?

And the answer is, no, it's Drew Sedora.

So what you're going to get is stories about how Dennis was an angel and how he advocated for Drew and Ralph, as if that means anything.

That actually speaks more to his bad judgment.

Like, I would never hire anyone who advocated for Drew and Ralph.

Yeah.

And then this is so drew too she goes and then

that's when he that's when he really nailed the pitch he looked me deep into my eyes and said

i need you to record this song this song right here because this song is for me and portia

and we were in the studio he cried he just startedling. It was a little hot dog with tears streaming out of it.
He said, let's not go out to the movies. Let's not go out and have some fun.
So Portia just goes, ah, like totally not buying any of it. She said, well, and I have stayed out of whatever you guys have going on.
But let me tell you, that man loves you. He loves you so much.
He said, I don't want to have a music career with Portia. I want to have a music career with Drew Sedora because she's going places.
And I don't want you to ever think for one second that I would ever be dealing with your baby daddy, even though he does advocate for me and Ralph and is producing my music and we go out to the club together. I have had nothing to do with him.
Yeah, and Portia this whole time was just going, oh, that's so nice to hear. Okay, are you done? And she's like, oh, wow, the posturings, the posturings.
So she's like, okay, listen, I don't give a shit about Dennis. Fuck him, marry him, kill him.
I i don't get throw him in the basement with ralph okay i literally don't care but i have rooted for you do you understand that i've rooted for your hair i made you a hair ambassador for go naked i said come be an ambassador for go naked the things that i do for other people and drew's like and we she we, she goes, I did all of that. And Drew's like, and we did, we did do all that.
She goes, and all of that was because I care for you. And my problem with you is this.
You are a low down dirty individual and you know what I'm talking about. I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, what's going on now? Okay.
She goes, since, you know what, since that phone call that you're talking about, you know like you told me about dennis and all that and you some you're some low down shit to me very fucking low down and i'm here to tell you that you got the wrong one you're fucking with the wrong one and you know everyone sitting there was like are we missing something what is happening here there's some element of the story thinking that weren't you because she even i was told me about dennis and all that so you're saying that she did call you and tell you but now you're deciding to be mad about it i didn't get it she kind of explains it later in a in a in a better way where i understand it so well now she says is there a producer here can i break the fourth wall and they're like yeah go for it and so drew's like well what did i do so she's like okay we're on a tv show and we have our family and we have friends and we have we have to support we have our own support systems and you've been trying to go behind my back to do something dirty by asking dennis to film with you so he's like whoa yeah well, Dennis is the low down dirty one here too,

because Dennis went to her and pitched this whole thing

so he could stay on the show,

even though you left with us a long time ago

and you can kick him off whenever you want to.

So I think that was, you know,

he at least gets some of the blame for this.

I think that like, I don't know if Portia brings this up,

but I think Portia just had to say,

how would you feel it if I started shooting scenes with Ralph?

So she's like, you're just trying to get him like, well, oh, well, you showed me the text message with Drew.

So the producer is saying like, is Drew sneaking around?

Is this upsetting you because she's actually a friend that you care for?

And Portia's like, no, it's not even that deep.

I just got pissed because the bitch was trying to film with my baby daddy on the show. i don't know how many times i've got to say don't do that yeah so then um basically now they're all like trying to kind of figure out what's going on right so kenya is saying i mean she's a whole married woman and borscht is like well i don't give a shit about what else you got going on and brit's like i mean i get it she's married but then that's her baby's daddy too so we don't really know what's going on so far so portia's like well look the second part was that she called production and told them that she was setting up a photo shoot for my company go naked so it still sounds like why are you mad because she's setting up a photo shoot for your hair to publicize your hair well because it's like okay so uh yeah i it was weird i mean well i i mean i understand because it feels a little bit like a like breaking girl code to be like trying to um well you know i think a lot of a lot of things that real housewives seem to talk about is keeping yourself relevant on the show.

And so people get mad when other people are using your tools.

Like Dennis is part of Portia's storyline, and that's going to keep her relevant.

It's like, wait, you don't have anything to keep yourself relevant on this show,

so you're going to take my guy or one of my tools to make yourself relevant, and that's not fair.

Although that was the way I interpreted it at this moment. Later on, Like you said, Ronnie, she does sort of explain it a little bit.
I think a little bit better, which is basically like, if I have a falling out with Dennis, then he gets to still shoot with you. And then he could air his side of the story.
And it gets used against me on my own show. And that's, that's, that's bullshit because I'm going to brought him onto the show.
She's basically like, I don't want him to turn into Peter Thomas. Right.
Right. When she explained it that way, I kind of got it.
She's like, okay, she's basically taking, she's basically taking something that can be used as a weapon against me. And she's giving him an opportunity to shit talk me on national TV.
And I, by the way, and I would be annoyed if, if Drew, sorry, I know I would be annoyed if Drew set up a photo shoot for go naked. Like Drew is not the, of that company.
She doesn't get to just authorize photo shoots for a company, even if it is publicity. You can't just do that.
You were hired to promote it. Porsche controls the brand.
You don't do that, Drew. Yeah.
So Britt's like, is this about Dennis or is this about the photo shoot? And Kenya says, well, I think she's mad about Dennis, I think. And she's like, well, if you want to lie, Drew, you can lie.
So then Shamia's like, do you guys want to have cake? She's like twerking in the background. She's like, you want cake? So then no one really knows.
And Cynthia's like, well, Portia is saying that Drew is lying. And Drew does lie.
She's lied once or twice or three times. Drew's lied more times than I've been married.
Drew's like, I don't lie. I just really connected with Dennis after he lost 45 pounds in one week on Drop It With Drew.
That's it. My plan just makes people so sexy.
He became irresistible. So like i'm taking it back i'm just confused i mean is it drew is it dennis is it to go naked shoot it's just like oh my god she wants to be mad at me so she's mad at me so let's go watch drew i'm gonna start saying things now real real housewives he like if you look up upset in the dictionary you'll see portia's picture so um so then shamia that they go outside and shamia is like okay everyone's time for the real turn up and she's shamia basically says that she's had this awful year you know her surrogate has breast cancer.
Shiloh had complications and everything. And she's decided that this year, last year she didn't get to have any cake.
But this year she wants to have cake. And she wants to get wet.
Literally and figuratively. It's like, oh, okay.
So you just want to have it. I think those would both be literally, right? What is figuratively wet? I'm figuratively wet right now.
So they basically, she's like, okay, everyone. I want to get wet in two literal ways.
I want to get abstractly wet. So then she's like, everyone, we're going to jump in the pool because it's going to be wacky.
And they all have to jump in the pool in their nice dresses. And I can't imagine anyone was happy about this.
Yeah. And then there's also a there's like a bubble party, too.
It's like a foam party and a pool party. It's like a lot of stuff happened outside during this fight.
You know, like we went outside. The party was totally different.
I felt bad for the girl who is fire dancing with only her fingers. Because that's a weird fire dance, right? Because normally people are swinging around big balls on chains with fire or a big fire stick.
And this girl just had a couple of little birthday candles on her index fingers. And she's like...
The entire budget was spent on the bubbles. Does this mean I don't get a tip? Fuckers, it's a fucking wet.
So now we go over to Angela and Charles Oakley and Charles is cooking. Charles, I don't think we ever got an answer to this, but he is like cooking an enormous amount of food.
He has like a, like a, a giant pot, like a, like a stock pot full of like a thousand corn cobs. Yeah.
But the thing is this, I don't think we ever see anyone come over, right? Like he's clearly making like a cookout or something, but no one comes over. So it just sort of looks like he's just cooking an enormous meal for three people.
A lot of Brussels sprouts. I think that Charles agreed to do this show to make his cooking career happen.
I think he's probably going to be like cooking at home with Charles. And if you want to learn, you know, since this is our grumpy ass husband of the new cast, which I'm grateful for it so far.
I hope he's just grumpy and not downright like abusive and evil. You know what I mean? Like emotionally abusive, because this is real housewives.
You never know. But so far, he's just grumpy and I like it.
She goes, you want some wine, babe? And he's like, I don't drink white wine. A man shouldn't have sweet wine.
Unless maybe he's overseas or out of the country or something. Cooking with Charles.
Overseas or out of the country. I like this.
Like you get like a hall pass for sweet wine in a different country. Like in America, they can't see you.
They can't see you weak like that. Yeah.
they're fruity over there. You can't tell the gays apart over there.
It's fucking Europe or someplace. Fuck that.
Yeah, he goes to Germany. He's like, Asti Spumonti sparkling wine.
So we get to meet her daughter, who is Amari. And so they're talking about about he's mad that she didn't clean the kitchen she's like but i did clean it and he's like well i'm just saying i don't want to come home dirty you know it's dirty if i'm cooking in the kitchen is dirty you can do that shit in europe but it's not going to pass here go overseas or out of the country or something maybe you were drunk in that fruity wine you enjoy so much in America.
P.S. Don't ask what happened in Luxembourg.
Rhymes with easeling. But he's like, but clean this kitchen up.
So Angela's just like laughing at his face. And she's like, you know, my husband, Charles, he played in the NBA, mainly with the Knicks and the Bulls.
And Charles cooks. He cleans.
He's like a dream come true unless you want to have happy hour with pinot grigio so no kidding unless you don't want to be gay bashed for having a fucking glass of wine jesus christ i know sorry about the reverse demeanor reverse demeanor so um angela is saying that they have four beautiful children there's a grandma is like i identify as beer slash whiskey unless he goes to thailand um did you catch up on the white lotus by the way no i'm saving it because i'm back home in la now so i'm just i tried to get all my bravo on the plane so that now i can like relax tonight and uh oh yeah my severance and my white lotus parker posey is really on one this episode she like she just really gets to parker posey it up like it's not a spoiler she's just is like in full like you know she's just going for it and it's it's it's amazing so excited she's so great so we've said that about angela and charles and they met at a at a party in chicago like 10 years ago or something i don't know a long time ago and then he didn't call her for 10 years but then they happen to become neighbors in the same condo. And so then he was like, okay.
And she's like, I think, I feel like fate brought us together. Let me tell you what brought you together.
Convenience. Okay.
It's going to be a neighbor or it's going to be somebody who just like comes to sell me something because I'm not making any effort. I'll tell you that it's going to be an Amazon delivery as we've talked about before, a task rabbit.
She's like, well, at first I was offended when I heard that he was into me because someone told me that he was asking about the hoe down the street. But it turns out he was asking about the HOA.
So I got a little confused. But it's all good.
Unfortunately, Brittany started calling him. It wouldn't stop for a while so

are you interested in a timeshare

so we find out that angela's thing is buying houses and remodeling and selling them but she's

got five at a time right now which sounds like a crazy workload and we see them and they're huge

houses so i'm not really sure that's a lot of funding it's a lot but seems like she's like

I think... now, which sounds like a crazy workload.
And we see them and they're huge houses. So I'm not really sure that's a lot of funding.
It's a lot, but it seems like she's like, I don't know. I've okay.
This may be a classic Ben naive moment, but I feel like she seems like legit, right? I don't think she does. Yeah.
Like, cause you know, there's some people like Drew Sedora, who's like, we've started a new mortgage company and we've already funded 45,000 homes across

the USA. And you're like, okay,

so you have a pyramid scheme.

She's like, I'm literally selling pyramids

across America. But

I feel like Angela, I feel like

she just seems like someone who's on top of her shit.

She does. And I think

that if you buy five houses,

then you're doing something.

You know what I mean? It's not some pie

in the sky thing. Now, we don't know.
We haven't

Thank you. you know she does and i think that if you buy five houses then you're doing something you know what i mean it's not like it's not some pie in the sky thing now we don't know we haven't seen the houses i hope she has an episode where she she goes through and shows us three models and stuff because you know i love that shit so i hope we get that but yeah i agree with you so far she seems real so um she's basically gossiping with her daughter and her husband neither one of them care about any of this shit but But she's trying to get them interested in her new job.
So she's like, these girls are so messy. And Drew's music, she's doing it with Porsche's ex-boyfriend who apparently sells hot dogs.
But I don't think Drew should have done that. But she has a reason.
So I kind of see both sides. I mean, who's going to turn down a hot dog? Am I right? He's like, not any man I know.
That's for sure. Charles is being so ridiculous because she's trying to have her little scene.
And he just is clanking. He's like washing pants, like pong, pong, clink, clink, clink.
She's like, could you please stop doing that during my scene? Could you wait? He's like, sorry, I can't. As he's sitting there with his bandana around his head, like he is working at Benihana.
Yeah. And he's like, I don't want to hear this story.
And she's like, well, I'm saying that she's doing work with her ex-boyfriend and that's a problem. And he's like, well, you did work with your ex-boyfriend.
And she's like, okay, Charles. And he's like, yeah, well, it was fine then, right? Oh, well, what? It's always some well with some water in it.
A man said that. Don't you forget it.
Better not be a well with some white wine in it that's what I gotta say and he goes let them talk about you don't talk about them don't be a follower be a leader she's like um okay so she says the secret for loving a man like Charles is just letting him be who he is which is someone who bangs pans pots and pans around and has strange views on white wine.

Just a man who could benefit from a few soul fights.

Just a man who walks around the kitchen

a lot saying, yes, chef, because you saw

season two of The Bear. Congratulations.

So their other

kid comes in. He's like, are you Bruce Lee, dad?

And he goes, now why would you say that?

And he goes, you're a stupid bandana.

And he's like, oh, you got jokes, huh?

I don't have jokes, but your bandana is making me laugh. So now we go to lunch with Portia in Kenya at a place called Divan, which is funny because is this a restaurant named after a type of sofa? Is that a sofa? What's a Divan sofa is like um it's like uh i think it's like a sofa that's sort of where you know the back i could be wrong i'm gonna double check but i think it's like where the back is like not it's like you have half of a back like the first half one half the sofa has a back and it sort of swoops down into like no back oh like a fainting couch kind of thing? Yeah.
You know what? It's like the sofas they had at the hotel we stayed at in Toronto. Oh, I didn't notice any sofas.
Did you notice the sofa? No, I was out of it. I'm sorry.
Did you notice the divans? Or a divan? Yeah, it's like, I guess it's like a fainting couch. I don't know.
I think it's like I think it's basically like a sofa where like if you sit back on the sofa in the wrong place, you'll fall off of it into the wall. Okay, yeah, I don't like this.
So, um, someone named a restaurant after it, so it's very fancy because if I went to a restaurant, it would be named like Ikea sectional.

Oh Ronnie I forgot we have to wrap up this. I have a

reservation at Futon later so

Oh my god I'll be a beanbag

chair and come say hi. It's right down

the street. We're going to

Devon this weekend.

Commercials

Here comes one right now. So, Porsche comes in her Rolls Royce, and it says Mandarin seats gifted by Simon in 2022.
And then it says Kenya's is her Rolls Royce that she bought herself. So it's like the competing Rolls Royces.

Whose is more valid?

Those are some big ass cars.

I know they're very expensive and everybody's like,

oh my God, I'm so fancy in my Rolls Royce.

Here's what I think.

Don't fucking park next to me in the Whole Foods

or the Ralphs or whatever,

because I will purposely ding your car with my car door

because you're taking up two spaces and that's not cool.

No one needs to be driving that bus. Get that shit out of my way.
You know, get like a Hyundai Elantra. Okay.
It'll do just what you need. Okay.
Get a Kia. Okay.
I wouldn't go that far. I'm not anti-mice car in general.
It's just like, does every car have to, you know, remind me about your penis? You know, get a Mazda. You know, I just don'tda.
You don't need these giant ass cars that look like enormous sneakers. Just get something that fits in the parking spot and gets you from where you need to be and is not going to put you into debt because that's what's going to happen to both these women.
Well, those are expensive cars. Oh my gosh.
Okay, so Porsche, they talk about how they've had a love-hate relationship. And, you know, we've done this for years with these two.
Right now, they're friends. And we see their fights, their best of fights.
And now I'd like to introduce Miss America 1993. She's like, Miss USA, I'm sorry.
Bye, Ashi. Bye.
That was the origin for their entire feud, was that Miss America comment. I mean, for like 10 years.
But now they... 10 glorious years.
10 glorious years. But now they have to be friends, mainly because it's like Death Becomes Her, where they realize, oh, we've been at each other's th, but we need each other because if we, like, one wrong move

and these new girls are going to replace us.

So now they're

just, like,

they're friends now under the guise

that they both have daughters. So

that gives them perspective. I'm like,

since when does having

children mean that adults can't fight?

Have you not watched any of the other Real Housewives?

Well, especially this. We've already seen it on this show.
Remember the first year they both had kids they're like oh my god look at us we both have kids and kenya came to pilar's you know what was it baby shower not baby shower but like first birthday party it was a princess party and they were like oh my god we're gonna be best friends and like two weeks later they're like die bitch I hope you die. Yeah.
So they're basically like,

God, we're just too old to fight at this point i'm like again many other housewife shows tamra and shannon there's a lot of evidence against that theory so um kenya this porch has a cold and she's kenya's like you have a cold she's She's like, yeah, when you left the party, Shamia made us jump in the pool. Which is probably not where her cold came from, but I feel like this is a little Easter egg to a future feud between her and Shamia.
You made me jump in bubble water. I got sick.
So Kenya's like, yeah, I'd met with Drew a couple of days before and she mentioned dennis and the music and i said dennis and the music and portia's like well he did do um a kid's he did do a kid's album for my daughter and then we see the cover art for this album and it's called all-star kids and you know written in crayon now this i believe this doesn't make it better this doesn't make it better that Drew Sedora is like, well, Clive Davis rejected me, so I've decided to go to an off-brand Kidz Bop producer. Who couldn't even do Kidz Bop.
I mean, this guy doesn't even have as many credentials as whoever it was that made the songs for Danielle Cabral on New Jersey last last season yeah it's pretty bad um so i like that porsche is trying to stick up for him too she's like well he has a children's album so i mean it's not like he's nobody okay um so drew's she's like look drew makes shit up in her mind and i don't know what she's about to say or do but i root for her and i just go with it but then finding out that you're trying to film with him on here without telling me that's not cool yeah and she says that dennis she's like dennis is my co-parent and we have a great relationship and when it's good it's good and like when is dennis the menace you know and petty p it's bad and we see flashbackback from the spinoff with Portia and Dennis yelling at each other while his mom is watching or participating. And Portia's like, I don't want him to film anything that's going to compromise the growth that we have had.
I don't think it's about compromising the growth. It's that, again, she just doesn't want him to have a chance to talk shit about her with Drew.
Yeah. And Kenya says, yeah, I think he's just trying to have his cake and eat it too which is a bad thing to say with dennis because dennis is always going to have the cake and eat it's cake the man knows how to enjoy cake you know i don't really like that i want to have my cake and eat it too too i want to have it swallow it eat it i always liquefy it and rub it all over me i I'll have cake any way I can.
I don't want to be judged about it. So for this, I stand up for the hot dog guy.
I have to say, I've never liked that expression just because I think it's confusing. Don't you feel like by eating the cake, you're having the cake? And I understand it's supposed to be that having the cake means that the cake is on your plate.
But then when you eat it, you don't have it anymore. But I kind of you eat it you've had it so i think it means like it's since it means the same thing you're trying to you're trying to have it twice like you're trying to have it both ways you're trying to have both expressions because when you have your cake you have your cake and when you eat your cake you eat your cake and it's like well you you can't have it like you don't need to have it both ways.
You already had it one way, you greedy fuck. Well, according to Wikipedia, the proverb literally means, they say, that's the direct quote.
The proverb literally means you cannot simultaneously retain possession of a cake and eat it, too. Because once the cake is eaten, it is gone.
I'm like, no, it's in my stomach. I think it should be, you can't see your cake

and eat it too.

Does that make me wrong? I still don't understand it.

You see, that's the thing about that.

I like your interpretation

of it. I don't know if you're the traditional

and orthodox way of using it, but I think

it's a nice way of using that phrase.

I think it could work.

And guess what? You know why it could work?

Because we can see our cake and eat it too. We can have it both ways.
So, of course, she's like, well, our family right now is very, very vulnerable. Okay.
And so Drew should be trying to protect her the way I've protected her. Did she not mention? Go naked hair.
I go, okay. So Kenya says, yeah, you know, well, I see you spinning around the block with that little Rolls Royce that your estranged husband took from you.
I'm like, wait a minute. How do you have that car? And she's like, oh, you saw his post.
And she's like, what do you mean? I saw his post. He does like 50 posts a day.
Instagram is only him doing posts about what a shithead you are yeah and we see all these things where he posts his stories like question is it appropriate to exchange expensive gifts with an ex while legally married to someone else hashtag inquiring minds want to know here we here we go again with underground railroad cornering herself with why an experienced car enthusiast of 14 years made strategic business decision to conduct multi-million dollar car rents stay in the Mercedes-Benz. I bought your name.
Okay, he needs a social media manager. That's just not good shade.
These are not good shady stories. But it's a good hashtag.
Because he says, hashtag ignorance is a decease. And his last one, question.
Would you rather cry homeless in a Rolls Royce or in a honda civic that's actually a pretty good that's actually an interesting question i have to say i take it all back that's what would you rather cry homeless in isn't that a question for bethany oh my god i'm homeless i'm homeless i'm homeless because i feel like if you're in a rolls royce crying homeless people would just be like just sell your your rolls your Rolls Royce. You could literally buy a house.
Or live in the Rolls. They're big enough.
Just double park homelessly in your Rolls. So Kenya's like, how did we ever get to this place? And it's so weird seeing Kenya is just a backup, like supporting character.
I don't know if I like it. It works, I think.
I think it actually works. Because she hasn't had anything to offer seriously in a few years.
And so having her as just someone who can kind of like be there and then be shady when she needs to be, I think it works. And for some of these pros, these pro villains, you know, like I think Vicki Gunvalson was also, is also pretty good as a plug and play friend of who can just be mean when you need her to be mean.
We don't need to have a whole story about what's going on in their lives. So I think this does work with Kenya.
You know, I'm not going down quietly.

That's for sure.

She's been tweeting.

Oh, really?

I'm the one put on pause.

Well, look, I'm the only one trending from this show.

It's funny.

Kenya not going down quietly.

That's exactly what she said about Brit, I think.

Oh, it took me a minute.

Think about it.

Think about it. My name is Gina.
And all I want to say, think about it. So Kenya is asking her, so how did we get to this place, Portia? You and Simon.
Everyone thought it would last forever. And Portia's like, well, I didn't know he was lying about certain things, you know, because we were on a jet, and then we got surrounded, and there every place and fbi and homeland security and terrorists it was crazy literally everybody was teaming up against him and i was like what's going on here and then he said well one time i was in this car i didn't know the car was stolen and you know you can't do that when you have a green card because they get real mad if you do anything with the green card.
And Kenya's like, oh, yeah, that's true. That's true.
I mean, let me tell you, the amount of people that I've known sitting in a stolen car with a green card. Trust me.
I know we're good. You're right.
So I better watch out these days. So Kenya is like, it's so true.
And so Portia's like, well, so when the judgment got released into the press about him being married, you know, some scamming in the past, some credit card fraud, being deported and this and that. I literally was like, wait, what? What's all this? I would be just like, I'm leaving you.
I mean, she did. But it's just funny, like, you know, when it came out that he was a complete fraudster and a con artist and scamming people and we'd already been surrounded by police officers.
I was like, huh, that's weird. It's just so understated on her.
I'm like, oh, you know, we were on a jet and then we got surrounded by, you know, every agency, every letter agency in existence. But he explained it away, you know, and I got it.
you know, I'm not totally here totally here about the you know the sitting there in a stolen car thing from like 20 years ago i'm sure it's no big deal i would really like an explanation from bravo why they did not have cameras running they just they just should have had them there even if they didn't have a show ready yet just get the cat keep the cameras on porsche at all times yes um so kenny's like uh-huh so you were his fourth wife and Portia you on Portia at all times. Yes.
So Kenny's like, uh-huh, mm-hmm. So you were his fourth wife? And Portia, you see Portia try to decide what she's going to say here.
And then she's like, fuck it, I'll just say it. She goes, um, fifth.
Fifth, actually. Kenny's like, fifth? She goes, yeah, because there was another marriage and that was fake.
So, yeah, so I filed for divorce and then I'm at my mom's house and then my phone beeps and one of the cameras is still on in the living room and he's got women in the house can you believe it a man who was already in trouble for sitting in a stolen car 20 years ago i can't believe this person who i found out was a complete faker and has scams left and right actually had actually had girls over at the house the first night I was out of there. I can't believe it.
So then she tells us her love story. She's like, you know, when I really knew Simon was my person was because I wrote a book about being treated badly by men.
And he said, I read that book and I'll protect you. Portia, nobody read that book.
People may have bought it, but nobody read that book. I didn't even know she had that book.
Did you? You know, not really. Maybe I knew it at one point, but it's like Portia's single, Portia's book.
I feel like a lot of her creative endeavors sort of get forgotten about. I love Portia.
Now listen, I i'll buy some go naked hair maybe i'll show up to atlanta and some go naked clips is the is that what is that what go naked is it's that you their hair yes why is it called my head is naked and she sells hair so i figure it should go naked by putting something on i think there's a branding issue. Did Sedora come up with the name it can't be that not a terrible point actually so she's like I just wanted a man a man who was honest a man who left his wife for me basically after I flirted with him at a pool Portia I can't feel sorry.
I'm sorry. And also, Portia has a way of telling stories like Drew Sedora tells stories where she's just leaving chunks of information out like we don't all have the Instagram.
Portia, come on now. And even Kenya is like, listen, I need someone to shoot with, so I'm going to be nice to you this season.
But Kenya is just looking like she wants to rip into this and she's not letting her does she really does hello there this is a two-part recap okay this is the end of part one so thank you so much for listening to this uh just come back a little later for part two watch what crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors ain't no thing like alice and way is the Amber way It's the Foster and the Furious It's Amanda Foster It's Always Automatic with Ashley Otto Ashley Savoni, she don't take no baloney Put your hands together for Carly Clapp Catherine D. Bernardo has our hard-o Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt Dana C.
Dana Do She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniela Itchles We never miss her call, it's Diane Call Erin McNicholas, she don't miss no trickles Jamie, she has no less namey You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones I go, you go, we all go for Hugo Hava Nagila Weber We could all learn from Jennifer Kearns She's our kind of mess, it's Jennifer Messer. Sip some scotch with Jessica Trotch.
Knock, knock, knocking on Katie Manok's door. She's our favorite streamer Caroline Peacock.
Kristen the Piston Anderson. Get a bee in your bonnet with Lacey B.
Rigging the funk. It's Leslie Plunkett.
She gets an A from us. It's Lindsay D.
Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McHenry.
We love her on the rocks, it's Melissa Cox. Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the Berg.
This is Livin' with Michelle Vivian. I love a ya, Olivia Williamson.
Tastier than Flanderson, it's Rachel Manderson. She sure is swell, it's Raquel Yes, we canna.
It's Sadana. Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman.
Let's share with Sharon Eldridge. The Bay Area Betches, Betches.
And our super premium sponsors. She's VVIP.
It's Amanda V. Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin.
Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD. She's got a leg up.
It's Bethany. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva.
Let's get real with Caitlin O'Neill. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper.
Can't have a meal without the Emily sides. Who, what, why, where, and Gwen Pentland.
It's our queen. It's Queen Laifa.
Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. Know your worth with Jason Kerr.
We got our wish, it's Jen Plish. She's not harsh, she's Jill Hirsch.
She's a little bit loony. Junie, my favorite Murdo, Karen McMurdo.
She gets an A, it's Kelly B. We love him madly, it's Kyle Pod Chadley.
We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Baron. She's a whiz.
It's Liz Sarthy.

Always killing it.

It's Lo Alkalani.

The incredible edible Matthew sisters.

She eases our woes.

It's Melissa St. Rose.

Give him hell, Miss Noel.

She's the queen bee.

It's Sarah Lemke.

Shannon, out of a cannon, Anthony.

Let's take off with Tamla Plain.

She ain't no shrinking Violet Kuchar.

We love you guys.

If you like Watch What Crappens,

you can listen ad-free right now

by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app

or on Apple Podcasts.

Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.

Before you go, tell us about yourself

by filling out a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.